Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Okay! I just got a pretty terrible piece of news today and am kind of reeling, so I think most of my wishes are going to be related to that.
To it getting resolved. Peacefully and easily.
Heart sigh for that.
Alright. Let’s do this.
Thing 1: An ease-filled speedy resolution — and MIRACLE.
Here’s what I want:
Situation X needs to sort itself out immediately.
This needs to happen smoothly and easily.
Ways this might work:
I have not even the slightest idea.
I’m playing with…
Faith and trust, at deeper levels than previously experienced.
Asking for miraculous and simple solutions.
Risk-taking.
Wishing.
Taking it to the beach and letting the ocean help.
Doing shiva nata on it.
Asking incoming-me for advice.
Finding the good and/or the useful inside the hard.
And, of course, silent retreat.
Thing 2: Ballsiness.
Here’s what I want:
I need courage for a thing like I have never needed it before.
And it needs to be courage mixed with mojo mixed with sheer crazy audacity.
Ways this might work:
Being around people who are like this. Like Jason. Or Sixpack.
Thinking of other people I know who can do this and calling them.
I’m playing with…
Feeling lucky.
Thing 3: Find the missing piece of paper. Or give up and re-invent.
Here’s what I want:
There is a piece of paper. Or a document on my computer. I don’t know.
But it has the piece of information that I need, and I do not want to have to reinvent the wheel. Don’t make me come up with this stuff again!
Ways this might work:
“Everything that is mine returns to me.”
I’m playing with…
Looking in the least likely places, just because.
Thing 4: Inhabiting the Hypothalamus.
Here’s what I want:
The Hypothalamus is my new office at Stompopolis that I am avoiding, even though I am the Director.
I want to spend at least ten minutes there every day. Maybe take a cat nap or something.
Just to get used to the idea that this space is mine.
Ways this might work:
I could …
Invent a ritual! Do an OOD! Sing a song! Make it fun! Have a costume!
I don’t know.
I’m playing with…
Remembering that this process has happened lots of times with lots of spaces, it’s how I ease into things. It won’t always be my way, but it is right now.
And that’s okay. And I also don’t have to like it.
Thing 5: Observing scripts and de-activating them.
Here’s what I want:
This weekend there have been a lot of triggers, and so I have been noticing a lot about thought patterns.
Then shiva nata gave me some epiphanies about why those patterns are the way they are, and what I might do with them.
Ways this might work:
A notebook of script-noticings, and then doing silly things to lovingly interrupt the patterns before and once they are engaged.
I’m playing with…
Playfulness. Presence. Patience. Wonder.
Thing 6: Like a fairground stripper, baby.
Here’s what I want:
If you read the Friday Chicken this weekend, you know that I am really into doing things LIKE A FAIRGROUND STRIPPER. Whatever that means?
So I want to do that.
I want to do things with a hip walk and a strut and a swagger. With attitude and sass and other things that feel woefully unfamiliar right now.
Ways this might work:
There is a part of me who knows how to do this!
I can talk to her.
I’m playing with…
Working it. Rowr.
Thing 7: Progress on the Chronicles.
Here’s what I want:
To make note of things that are noteworthy.
Ways this might work:
Ten minutes a day.
I’m playing with…
Sweetness. Playtime. Love.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Okay! I wanted sweet delicious focus, and I got it. To a large extent.
Then I wanted to take lots of photos and I did. Of me! And it was scary, but I am getting better at it.
Next I wanted to disrupt the pattern of Everything Is Ruined, and I got really really good at that. So yay.
And I wanted ZOOM and there was ZOOM. Not enough. But it happened.
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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I am asking for a smooth wedding party on the 26th. I don’t have a photographer, or a cake or really anything but a beautiful location and a great husband – oh a dress and a veil. And family and a bridesmaid. I want someone to do my hair and makeup and Jeremy needs a white shirt. It is hard to look at all the cute blogs of people who “have” these things …. I do have enough paint and gallery quality canvas for my next art show– and good wishes and blessings from good people. Goodbye stress. Please for good things and a sweatlodge and music.
I am wishing for an ease-filled first week after my four-week vacation.
Specifically, I want these qualities/things/we’ll see what comes out:
Sturdiness.
Sovereignty.
Honesty.
To learn about my resistance and find a way to interact with it.
Ways this could work:
The new employees may cause a shift in the energy around here.
I may cause a shift in the energy because I’m all vacationed and grounded and joyful.
I’ll play with …
Reminding myself not to jump to conclusions.
Forgiving myself for jumping to conclusions. The commitment here is for TRYING to NOTICE, not for radical change.
So, my feng shui, supplication at the alter of CrazySexyLove (patron saint: Bruce Springsteen), bikini wax (natch), and reading of affirmation cards may have paid off! I had a date last night that made me feel more and more comfortable as the date went on (instead of making me feel like the iron door of my heart was slamming shut). He actually seemed to *get* me. I had forgotten what it felt like to be got.
I felt so comfortable that I came back from the ladies room (where I texted my friends an update) and said “So, I would go out with you again” because it was what I was thinking and wanted to say. Normally I come back from the ladies room (in which I have texted “prepare the wine and muffins, I’m leaving in 5!”) and say I need to leave. This is good.
Anyone who wants to give a yay or a squee or a quiet wish for more goodness is more than welcome.
@Katana – sending good wishes for a good wedding day and a long and happy marriage.
My vision for this week – putting a door stop in the iron door of my heart so it does not accidentally slam shut, getting out the 3-in-1 oil to maybe oil the hinges. And some more time spent together and a kick butt triathlon on Sunday.
VPAs for the week
Updates from last week: Presentation went well, but still all tied up in the chorus of DOOOM… And I’m noticing how much of my energy this project seems to be taking.
For this week:
I’m presenting the service learning section of the sekrit project to the faculty this week. I’m having HUGE STUFF about this. Monsters saying its not good enough, that the faculty won’t like the idea, things things things blah blah blah. And this is connected to my HUGE STUFF about the project, and that if it doesn’t fly, then other things that somehow are super important to me won’t happen.
And, I should be working more on the fanfiction article/presentation. But all I really want to do is worldbuild and do the pre-writing for the Lucia novel. And in the back of my head are all the other things. So.
Structure gives me space. Space gives me clarity. Clarity gives me calm. So, this week, I’m working lots and lots with structure.
@ Havi – wishes for courages and love and trust for you!
@ Katana – so many good wishes for your wedding day
@ Seagirl – squee!
Gwishes for….
* energy
* supercharged superpowers of patience and compassion
* quality of “This experience is not happening TO me. I am walking towards it.” About everything!! Bringing all of me with me and to be okay with All-Of-Me-As-I-Am-Even-The-Unattractive-Bits.
* noticings about the difference between empathy and leaking my energy/ stuff/ space into other people’s energy/ stuff/ space.
–>(it’s probably just fit-your-own-oxygen-mask-first stuff, like [redacted] is really not good at fyoomf and it crowds me and makes me not want to tell her painful stuff because telling her will make HER feel pain and then I’ll have to make her feel better. Or… I will WANT to make her feel better. Or… I’ll want to find a solution to my pain really quickly so she can stop feeling pain, and that just murks things up.
Notice if this hypothesis holds this week.
* wooooooooooords
* reading!!
* dragon-taming, calendar, projectising
* set things up for actual, real-life, hell yes I’m going to a yoga class on Saturday morning.
* a place for everything. Ask things “do you live here?”. Do not ask “where do you live?”.
*fairy dust*
Also: I want a new laundry basket and a bag for my delicates like a normal grown up person who doesn’t just put up with snags and pulled threads in their clothing but has a proper bag for things-with-hooks to go in!!!! You know, Me, a grown up??!
Actually. You know who would definitely have a proper delicates bag in their laundry supplies?? A fairground stripper!!!
That makes everything a lot more fun. 🙂
LOL Fairground Stripperishness! And sending good vibes for everyone’s VPAs!
Last week I wanted space and room to breathe, and I got that, by and large. My office is cleared; I nudged editing work so I wasn’t so crammed, and I got childcare, which gave me LOADS of space to actually focus and get things done while still taking care of myself. Which was lovely, REALLY lovely.
This week, I would like more space. More, please! 🙂
I also have a very specific VPA.
I would like to get my arms around my fiction writing “stuff.” I thought I needed a promotion plan, but now I’m seeing I want a whole new mindset/approach/whatever to why I write and what I want and what needs to happen.
How this could work: I have no idea. Could play with Permaculture metaphor/model. Could do some stone skipping. Maybe some coloring? Talk with friends? Pop it in the Floop?
My commitment: To give it space, but also to consciously, mindfully hang out with it. And pop an OOD in the Floop.
Have a great week, loves!
Gwishes (my autocorrect just made gwishes into “geishas,” who must be here because they’re good friends with all the fairground strippers?):
Gentle disruption of pattern x, I am asking for a small gentle surprising degree of this
Logistical boringnesses get magically resolved without depriving me or my energy
That would be great, but if the geishas are up for it I would also like to request:
Clear gentle easy transition for (silent retreat)
Peaceful easy progress, understanding, nonviolent communication around the good boundaries we need at Metaphysical Denny’s, no awkwardness
Excellent satisfying easy cheap to free storage solution for weekend project
Make the right and nourishing choices seem fun and interesting.
Thank you, Gwish Geishas.
Thing One: Finding My Place
So someone I love very dearly is in the middle of working on something that may be a full-blown addiction or may have some addictive qualities. They are investigating.
And I have so much stuff about it! And keep falling into my pattern of being in their swing instead of my swing. I need to be in my swing, find out what here is *mine*, and work on that. While radiating love and possibility and support and other things. But not trying to fix or manage or inhabit or take on or etc.
Ways this could work: I don’t really know. This is a hard thing for me to do, especially when it seems to effect me so greatly. Maybe some part of me knows more about this than I do? Maybe one of my hypotheses is correct?
I’ll play with: Interviewing the version of me who gets this. Working on my force field. Asking for what I want. Taking time apart. (OH! This is hugely related to space! Hugely!! I will try to find the spaciousness.)
Thing two: Not letting it down
Oh my tiny sweet thing! I am putting it out in the world and I feel completely out of my depth and the monsters are circling and everything is scary and ouch ouch ouch.
I want radiance! And appreciation! And little sparks of joy and anticipation and mmmmmmmmm.
Ways this could work: Again, fuck if I know. But something could click into place. I could figure out how to talk about it at least marginally better than I have been. It could be fractal flowered by the next ask.
I’ll play with: Asking the deva of this thing for guidance. And trying to follow it. And reminding myself often of the potential and beauty and importance.
Thing three: Writing!
I have so much I want to write! And it’s doing that thing where it’s knocking on my brain all day long and I just want to dive into it and not come up for air for days and days and days.
Except I have a life. And a person in distress. And a house we’re buying/renovating. And another house we’re still moving into. So I’ve been not writing, because I’m not sure if I can stop once I start, and that hurts.
Also I’m scared that I would start and stop immediately and that all the rest is just an excuse in which writer’s block is hiding. Which is also probably true.
So I’m wanting ease and flow and creativity and space and time and delight and plenty.
Ways this could work: The perfect schedule could appear. A less than perfect schedule could appear and I could decide it’s better than wandering around frustrated and half present. I could do some Shiva Nata and have a revolution. The thing about space could be resolved and everything could get better.
I’ll play with: Talking about the space thing with the other person involved. Using ten minutes of cleaning/unpacking as entry into writing. Writing! Just showing up at the page!!
Thing four: Me duele el oido
My ear hurts! Really badly! And somehow, hilariously, I have all my stuff about pain/doctors/sleep/illness completely mixed with the desire to JUST SPEAK IN SPANISH ALL THE TIME PLEASE! Or any foreign language, really. English is killing me at the moment.
So I would like a perfect simple solution to both of these dilemmas. The pain in the ear and the boredom of the ear and everything to do with ears and hearing and listening!
Healthy excited ears, please. And that’d be los oidos, not las orejas, stupid ENGLISH that doesn’t make this DISTINCTION.
Ways this could work: Do I know? I don’t know. I’m guessing hydrogen peroxide on q-tips and netflix en espanol. But really, I am very open to surprises this week because I’ve got nothing (but I am not open to advice, thanks!)
I’ll play with: Continuing Harry Potter y la camara secreta. Noticing. The q-tip thing. Wanting.
Last week:
I wanted to set up the systems I needed to brunch the Blanket Fort and I did. Yay me! Brunched!
I also wanted to make space for releasing sadness and that kind of happened. There was one big place where it happened and that was good.
What I want:
To complete all my tasks at work in the allotted time. More specifically, to shelve all the books assigned in the time frame I have. I’ve been working on this for a while and stressing about it and worrying and having the boss occasionally get mad. And it seems like no matter what I do, the shelving does not get done. And even worse, I seem to be shelving even slower.
So this has to be a thing. There has to be some sort of problem or mental block or karma, something beyond simply “it is impossible to shelve x books in y hours.”
Ways this might work:
Try to find the source of the problem. Maybe journaling, shiva nata, meditation. Working through whatever mental aspect to the problem there is.
I’ll play with:
A secret code. A game. A metaphor. A secret identity. Maybe “all the books are bombs in disguise and if they don’t get into the correct anti-blow-up slot (alphabetized shelves) they will explode and I am the only one who can save us!”
Update on last time: I asked for a time de-pinchifier. Turns out it’s tangled with another multilayered Thing that I’m going to silent retreat on, but… yeah. Now is not then. Now is not then. Now is not then.
Another Thing: more restful dreams
Dear Subconscious,
Seriously? Having my dead mother berate me for spending a few dollars “too much” on school supplies? I have a lover’s quarrel with shut-eye as it is. Please to supply better movies.
WTWC:
* maybe look at pictures instead of words?
* maybe consciously seduce subconscious?
I’ll play with:
* the seduction angle. There was a lot of red in the dream. Maybe what the subconscious needs is a pond full of rose petals, a bowl of steak tartare, and a really good bottle of pinot noir.
Wishing everyone the right mix of soothing and spangly for your weeks.
@Elizabeth — I recall that geishas made an appearance the very first time Havi posted about gwishes, possibly for the very same reason. Or for some other reason. Who knows? Geishas have their reasons. I am always happy to welcome geishas into my world. Gwishes, too.
Into the pot this week: A good and happy adventure tomorrow. Happy travels. Fresh energy. Financial safety. Loving, affectionate, intimate connections. Creative oomph.
Season with: Deep breaths. Plenty of rest. Music. Humor. Morning pages and artist dates. Kindness. Support.
@Esme,
Ooh, ooh! I love “shelving all the books” as a metaphor/proxy itself!
Plus I wish you success in finding your metaphor to help you in (really) shelving.
@Havi,
Gwishing you everything you asked, and more.
Plus beaching!
What I want:
+ Constructive discovery about an amazingly expensive lesson, which isn’t even over yet.
+ Ideas for recouping some of the $$ losses.
+ Figuring out something more about why it happened (and its ultimate purpose in my life) than I already know.
How it could work:
+ I could journal about it. I could post selected journaling on the Floop.
+ I could start researching to find a financial advisor/hand-holder. Might not necessarily be a business person. Could be more than one.
+ I could refinance the house for a lower rate for the remaining mortage years. (A mortgage firm willing to do this could just show up. Ha!)
+ I could get a new/used car with better mileage now, rather than paying for more and more repairs.
+ I could schedule the house repairs over time instead of waiting for emergencies.
+ I could get Mom’s stuff out of storage and see if any of it would be worth selling.
I will commit to:
+ Finding a journal book for money stuff, space & time, and procrastination. Starting to write in it. (This is a part of the Book of Me requiring examination before distillation.)
+ Making a to-consider list (not to-do, this is broader).
+ Hanging my newly-framed “Thank you” quote, so every day I can practice gratitude for this lesson (rather than monster doom-mongering). Posting nearby the dollar figure (so far) of the lesson.
+ “Shelving some books,” which I would love (proxy for clearing clutter and working on house/finance projects, which are both scary and boring) [Thanks, Esme!] every day I’m home.
Hooooooooo okay, let’s strip all the stripping on ALL the fairgrounds, here are my massive scarily comprehensive gwishes: MARRIAGE SORTING and TRIPPING A TRIP: the massive pain and awful awfulness of today will somehow get sorted and become clear and I will start figuring out the seeds of the seeds of what the flying heck is going on with the notmyfault/thingswillneverchange doom brigade; and the trip will happen, or get scheduled or find its place in the saving plan, or the right conversation will happen with M or K or something.
If I could take a noodleguess at the essences here, it’s discernment, sweetness, trust, wanting what I want. With a heaping dose of “it’s okay to be in my stuff.” Permission to go for a tipple at the speakeasy with this whole mess. Tiny final gwish: zinelaunchthisweek.
Into the pot today!
* a peaceful week
* a whole day of Amelie time
* writing. and enjoyment of it
* shopping
* running
yups. that is all for now 🙂
sending a whole load of magic fairy dust for the visioneers of the high seas, mwah!
@seagirl – YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!! So happy and delighted when I think about this.