Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: When is a beach not a beach? Or: when is not-a-beach actually a beach?
Here’s what I want. The situation is this:
I have to go two whole weeks without beach day, aka my Clandestine Executive Board Meeting, that happens on a beach.
This week because of stupid Labor Day — everyone is on the beach. And next week because ohmygod it’s already Rally again! Wow.
Except I have gotten hooked on the wonderful thing that is not-going-straight-to-work on Monday.
I mean, I still work on Mondays, but it’s a different kind of work and with a different kind of view: the ************* PACIFIC OCEAN, y’all.
So I need some sort of way to replicate beach day without actually going to the beach. Something that will give me at least most of the same side-effects.
Ways this might work:
It occurs to me that the metaphor mouse technique might come in handy here as a way of breaking beach down into its various elements and qualities.
For example, some of what I love about beach is:
[+quiet] [+spaciousness] [+steady sounds] [+warmth] [+texture] [+yoga] [+looking at something that is changing but not changing] [+walking] [+breathing] [+napping] [+calm] [+no structure but a form that encompasses] [+start time and end time] [+being away from what I know]
So that might help me plan a day that happens in the city but holds some of that.
And I could keep the same start and end times as regular beach day….
I’m playing with…
I think I’m going to take this to the Floop and work through it there….
Also I’ll do some shiva nata on it to shake things up, maybe an idea will spill out. That’s usually what happens. Who am I kidding. That’s always what happens, as long as I make it hard.
Thing 2: Plum Duff! Plum Duff!
Here’s what I want:
You guys! I have been working my ass off to get Plum Duff ready for you.
Well, for whoever can play with me this time. But really for everyone, because Plum Duff is a time for general excitement and planting wishes and things like that.
So. I want to announce it this coming Friday.
But I will give the list (you’re on the list, right?) a two-three day headstart. Also the Floop, probably.
I want excitement. I want gleeful steady rejoicing. I want us all to be happy mice making little happy mouse sounds and squeezing all the buttmonster butts at the same time, joyfully.
I want everyone to feel like they get to be a part of the opening of Stompopolis, which is what this Plum Duff is celebrating. I want streamers and confetti and dancing around the room.
Ways this might work:
Even though it is hard for me to share things with people, maybe I can play with that pattern and get better at sharing this with people.
Even though it is hard for me to ask for joyful excitement and playfulness, maybe this time it will be easier.
I can convene an Enthusiastic. I can make safe rooms for the parts of me who want to hide. I can wear a costume. I can even wear the shopkeeper’s hat.
I’m playing with…
The qualities of play, trust, receptivity, celebration, wonder, delight and presence.
Thing 3: The big OOD.
Here’s what I want:
There is an OOD that wants to be written, and I can tell it’s important because I have been avoiding this one like crazy.
I suspect there are entire conferences of monsters, and all kinds of committees involved. Having break-out sessions. And turning over the coffee urn.
So I need to find ways to make this feel safe.
Ways this might work:
I could use a proxy! And invite some negotiators.
And pretend that I’m talking about something else entirely.
Like maybe I will write an OOD for going back to swing dancing, and it will secretly be an OOD for this?
I could do it during my Almost Beach Day, which, by the way, desperately needs a better name than that. Urban beach day? Urban peach day? C.E.B.M.inside?
Maybe my playmate will have a name. Or somehow be a part of this. Interesting. Not sure what that is about but I got a hit. So I’ll peek at that some more.
I’m playing with…
Being receptive. And curious.
Thing 4: Exits and entries, entries and exits.
Here’s what I want:
Helping myself have a loving passage out of August and into September.
Doing some much-needed review, aka the spangly Revue.
Getting clear on what I want to happen this month. Or really, how I want to experience it.
Ways this might work:
This would be the exact perfect thing to do during Not-Beach-Day.
Impeach Day? Beseech Day? I-hope-that’s-not-a-leech Day? Where’s a rhyming dictionary when you need one?
I’m playing with…
Wanting what I want.
Permission to get even more clear on what I want.
The desire to find all the parts of August that surprised me.
Thing 5: Preparing for a visit.
Here’s what I want:
Someone is coming to visit. But not yet.
So it’s like an imaginary visit. Or a pretend visit.
I want to symbolically prepare for this not-a-visit. By doing actual things.
To see what it is like, as if it were actually about to happen.
What would I be doing if this were happening?
That’s what I’m investigating.
Ways this might work:
Ten minutes a day of asking this question and seeing what comes up.
Taking notes. Maybe even a folder of notes….
With a name. Because I LOVE NAMING THINGS.
I’m playing with…
Anticipation, games, constraints, pleasure, wonder, delight, the ability to be surprised.
Thing 6: Let’s turn a corner.
Here’s what I want:
I am ready for stuff to MOVE with Stompopolis.
I want big, big, exciting, look-at-us-we-are-now-open-and-thriving movement.
I want the whole world to be thrilled about Stompopolis. Thrilled!
And I want lots and lots of help. And excitement. Did I mention excitement?
Ways this might work:
Amy. Danielle. Shannon. Mariko. Naomi. Keren.
These are the friends I need to be talking to about this. Not sure why. But that’s what I got.
I’m playing with…
Something needs to be traded. Something needs to be borrowed. There is a missing piece of information that someone needs to give me.
Also: Matt was right. Listen to him.
That’s what I’ve got. So I guess what I’m playing with is trusting my intuition, and going with what I feel.
The corner! Let’s turn! I’m ready.
May it be beautiful and radiant every step of the way.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Oh man. It is so very interesting that all my asks last week were about TRUST and PLEASURE, and the relationship between trust and pleasure.
That really and truly was the theme of this week.
In fact, just this morning I was drawing the word “trust” on both palms of my playmate’s hands. Not thinking about this theme, but actually, yes, that was the theme. Trust. And. Pleasure.
So. I wanted to make loving declarations this week, and I did. In all sorts of ways and places. That was big.
I wanted partnering, and that was so great. I had a partner-beach-day with Danielle, I had intense playtime with my playmate, and Marisa and I had beautiful skype dates every single day.
Also I wanted to do a lot of “this is for you, sweetie” — planting gifts for tomorrow-me and three-days-later-me. This was amazing! I want to do this all the time.
And then I had to do some asking and was not happy about it. Feeling a bit better about that now, thanks to some monster talks.
Last thing was getting Plum Duff ready, and guess what? It’s ready! All I need to do is a last round of reading, and then I can whisper it to people. Hooray! Yet again, I didn’t think the VPAs would come through, but they did.
Playful playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
Here or on your own or in your head. It’s all fine. Or call silent retreat!
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
If you’re looking for suggestions or heart-sighs or anything else related to your wish, you will need to ask for that because our default mode is giving each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We make space for people’s wishes.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
Gwishing for:
+ self-care (and finding the delight in it, rather than ‘what a good girl I’m being’, which sets off my inner riot-grrrrl except very much not quite because she actually sabotages and subverts ME not The System. Finding the delight!)
+ systems (uuuuuse my Caireney goodness kit I bought a month ago FFS!)
+ sleep (obviously. Also more efficient and effective wind-down practices than my current ones which I think will help.)
+ support (sooooo hard for me. Why like this? Because of shame, usually that’s what lies under anything that the Oooh-Shiny!-Anything-But-This-Distractor monster flock are hovering tightly around. So, unpacking that a little would be good. Proxy, shiva Nata, shame resilience studies, one tiny things, field notes, etc.)
*fairy dust*
Update on last time: there has been good weather and quality time and cooperation and patience. There are not yet sarongs, but there will be visits to fabric stores soon. I didn’t ask for time on a beach, but I was treated to it, and it was lovely. I am mostly okay with what has(n’t) been happening on this trip.
Gwishes:
* more good weather, at least when I’m driving
* hotel rooms to be as clean and comfortable as hoped-for
* more rest
* more recharging
A Thing: less anxiety | more patience. aka pacing myself through various transitions/observations/situations.
WTCW:
* bouquets of permission slips
* consider a more substantial hiatus from various extracurriculars
* vision board
* detachment
* major Workflowy pruning
I’ll play with:
* recognizing what I’ve enjoyed and/or learned from this trip (create mirror of vision board –> a rear-view board?)
* monster manual? (maybe combine with anatomy coloring book I’ve been eyeing?)
Warm wishes to you all for a fine, fun, and full September.
Things I am asking for this week:
– To find the version of me that is awesome at my new job. Articulate, open, and calm. I know she’s hiding around here somewhere.
I’ll play with: interviewing future me; entry and exiting, breathing, alignment.
– Turns out the upstairs office is the perfect place for me to do yoga. So I want to do more of that this week.
I’ll play with: sneaking off all sneaky-like, closing the door, just five minutes.
– Lots of changes and a huge download of new information coming up this week. I want to move through this week with confidence, and take each thing as it comes.
I’ll play with: new rituals, the here-and-now, deep breaths, new notebooks!
Updates: I was able to paint my room before our guest arrived (yah!). I need to do the trim and windowsills in the contrasting colour, but so far it looks wonderful. I had a blissful 26-hr introvert-recovery-mission, and I’ve been practicing giving myself permission and noticing how much better I feel when I don’t let the “why haven’t you succeeded at everything yet?” monsters beat me over the head with a pressure-bat.
Happy week and wishes everyone!
Hello, Sunday… errr… almost-the-end-of-Sunday
Thing 1: Silent Retreat
No wait… I don’t want a silent retreat. But I am silent retreating about the thing I want. I almost never do that. Hmm… I feel so mysterious!
Thing 2: Car… working…
Hmm… that one seems fairly straightforward. I will play with taking it to the dealership on Wednesday, and also with Trust. Because it’s all about Trust right now. And I will remember that I can get to rally some other way if the car still isn’t working by the weekend. All is not lost.
I don’t know what else I want right now, but how about updates on last week?!
So last week I wanted more play, and that seems to be happening. I need to remember that I can lead this or ask for it when we both get caught up in work. And of course, the shortcut to play and silliness is going to town and crossing the street while waving one of the orange flags they have so that drivers don’t hit you… no really… it’s amazing. And also hilarious, mostly because I like to hold it up high and wave it around while singing 76 trombones.
I also asked for post-Idaho options, and there is one rather-vague option on the table now. Vague but good. It has potential. Nothing with a large neon sign hanging over it yet, but at least there is something. And I don’t have to feel bad about not going back to Taos because my aunt won’t be there when I would have been there anyway.
And I wanted to finish a website I’m working on, which did not happen, but I finally today made a mock-up (the step I’ve been skipping for weeks because it would “take too long”. ahem.) and now there is ease. And this may even be finished this week, so I don’t have to take it with me to rally. Hooray!
Happy week and much love!
Into the pot
– peace and quiet
– a day in the library, a day at noir. all of this in style; like a theologian !
– a positive movement on the situation of finding a new supervisor. just a small movement.
– no bad news. or (since this is not under my control). lots of space to deal with the bad news. not sure how this could work but i wanna think about it.
– amazing times with the date. just pure joy.
@ Havi – not the whole world, but thrilled about Stompopolis!
Into the pot:
Gwishes for two days of flow and ease, of things flying off the list like good little chickens.
Of being ready for Portland, and anniversary and Rally, and being open for whatever happens.
Of feeling comfy cozy with where I am, while still curious and receptive to what can be, but with no stress at all.
For radiant serenity!
I would like to say from Friday’s chicken that “yearning for Angelique” is actually maybe a great code word for “barf”? As in, “I feel a little car sick, I think I might be yearning for Angelique.”
Anyway.
Gwishing for:
1. Surrender the bs that is currently supposedly going down on Fantasy Island, I am not in control, bring an amazing outcome that I could not have forseen, please. I am noticing how much chaos each Fantasy Island chicken little volcano eruption causes–there is no routine, there are no systems, when this happens, there is about 2 hours extra work on a random day plus 2-3 hours panic communication to just nail down basic facts plus 2-3 hours processing pissed off conversations, not nice. And then of course sometimes the stupid volcano–like 5 times in past 3 months–threatens and we go through all this and it doesn’t happen. Not fun. I gwish for this horrible pattern to end once and for all, quickly, this week. And for me to be minimally–MINIMALLY I SAY–affected.
2. There are a lot of appointments this week–three more than normal. I gwish to absolutely draw the line at this: no more. Dammit dammit dammit.
3. I gwish to stick to my dammit list, which I got really clear on last week, especially the limit that has to do with two hours.
4. I gwish, even with chicken little Fantasy Island crap and 3 appointments and jumbling up the whole schedule, to get 3-5 writing hours in every day this week. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.
xoxo
Eliz
Beaches are my favorite places in the world, except for rocky rivers. I tend not to get out to the “real” beach very often, because the real beach I can get to most easily is never empty when I can get there, and once a beach is covered with people it is no longer what I need it to be, i.e., an uninterrupted on-ramp to the horizon.
I have been very much in my head lately, with not much access to ma Nature and her healing powers, and this is not going to change before, probably, the turn of the year.
But at least I got to walk to Morro Rock a few weeks ago, and witness the squirrel tracks in the sand alongside those of shorebirds, and watch the pelicans banking over the jetty. And it was early, and not too many people were there.
– No structure but a form that encompasses –
That is the phrase that sparks & embodies the Perfect Simple Solutions I have been (secretly) gwishing for, for so many things!
Another gwish: To remember that everything is in the pot, and Everything is better when [fill in with several useful options].
Gwishing Trust & Flow!
I’ve got a silly song in my head this week, and it’s rapidly becoming a fractal flower and secret code for confidence, playfulness, chutzpah, laughter, joy, je ne sais quoi, and countless other things that Incoming Me wants and needs! So, my vision for this week is just to let that song keep on keeping me company, and to see what unfolds.
(Psst! Gangnam Style!)
So much to wade thru! Love the phrase “No structure but a form that encompasses “. Yes
Into the pot:
-more Flailing, more movemnet and lots more dance
-more Exiting the Day and more sobreity
-hoping for refined systems and ease as we settle into the school year
-a room at the Doubletree for Pcon, dammit. this new protocol for requesting rooms sucks goat balls.
-a renewed sense of Enchantment and awareness of changes and shifting patterns and stuuf
OOD 1:
-the exhussband gave me news on sunday that could potentially be sadly impacting on our daughter and HORRIBLY STUPIDLY impacting on me. Hate being held hostage to his douche-nozzle shenanigans, and also the fact that this very negative sitcuation could have been avoided if he had listened to me the FIVE SEPARATE times when I said, Dude nothign good can come from this, and he agreed and blew me off each fucking time.
What I want: this bullshit to be resolved without any negative impact on me or my kid. I have no power to change or alter this outcome, sadly.
WTCW: It just will. I have faith the best possibl;e solution will happen and that I will be spared any negative consequences.
ICT: I turned it over to the Warriors and I am offering it up: I want this dealt with without any penalty or impact to me or my family. That’s about all I can do.
OOD 2:
WIW: To go to the Folk Magick Festival in Nov.
WTCW: I need airfare to NOLA for 200 bucks or less. I need to busget the rst out. Being able to stay at my cousins’ house might help releive some stress.
ICT: Putting this desire out there. Budgeting and researching airfare. Also, if this doesnt happen, I think I should sign up for the Lucky Mojo hoodoo course. Both these things align me with something I wnat, but maybe 3 days in NOLA with all those expenses isnt the best way to do it. I will be open and receptive to Plan B, if I cant make Plan A work.