Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Thing 1: Operation HUMMING.
Here’s what I want:
One of the things I learned this past week (mini-epiphany!) is that opening scares me, but humming doesn’t.
Which you’d think would not be news. I mean, I open Rally (Rally!) through humming. And I open the Crossing through humming. And my vision of the humming castle is also all about openings.
Anyway, there are all kinds of things that need to be opened right now, but the opening feels vulnerable. So I’m going to find out how I can hum them instead. Or how they can hum themselves. Self-vibrating self-radiating humming goodness.
The qualities inside of the want:
Resonance. Grounded enthusiasm. Welcoming. Belonging. Receptivity. Presence. Radiance. Steadiness. Continuity. Rejuvenation. Regeneration. Sustenance. Trust. Sun.
And the superpower of letting things harmonize through music. Harmonies!
Ways this might work:
Finding out what I already know (but don’t know that I know) about humming.
Interviewing the version of me who excels at humming, and at opening through not-opening.
I could also investigate what is useful about this particular humming and the fact that this is happening now.
And I can choose to spend time around other things that hum. Generators. Fans. Harmonicas. Cafes. People working on projects. Kazoos.
I’m playing with…
Humming the secret hum of Stompopolis.
Becoming a hum. What if I am my own nigun?
Thing 2: Operation DIPPING.
Here’s what I want:
To delight in enoughness, to delight in plenty. But mainly just to delight.
I find delight an easier entry point than trust or gratitude, and definitely easier than all those other problematic words that have to do with enough and plenty. I know how to delight in things.
So now I want to delight more. To expand my ability to find delight in small things.
The first part of this operation is just noticing things to delight in and delighting in them.
The qualities inside of the want:
Presence. Joy. Appreciation. Lusciousness. Pleasure. Trust. Sweetness. Warmth. Laughter. Awareness. Comfort. Congruence. Harmoniousness. Shining.
And the superpower of things that are this cute.
Ways this might work:
There are so many things to delight in! Dogs catching frisbees! A multitude of flavors and colors and textures! All the ways that people vary. A pot of extra-harmonious tea. Skateboarding. Bathtime! Cushions.
Dipping once. Dipping twice. Things that are double-dipped. On all other nights we do not dip not even once, but *this* night…
Delight. In. Plenty. There’s the dip.
Oh, you know what else is dipped? Candles. Yes.
I’m playing with…
Conducting delight like an orchestra conductor.
Conducting delight like a train conductor.
Conducting delight like an electrical conductor: a conduit.
Conducting delight like it is an experiment.
Conducting delight like it is music and science and electricity and moving and alive, which it is. And I am the artist, the dancer, the scientist, the explorer, the person who is close to the ground and still dreaming all the dreams. And humming.
Thing 3: On a mission of 3x Conducting
Here’s what I want:
At my Crossing the Line eight day retreat, I had everyone conduct at least ten times a day. It was… I don’t have a good enough word for what it was. Whatever I say will sound like an exaggeration but it is not.
Fine. It was extraordinary. It was transcendent. It was heaven.
And lately I have not been conducting very much, even though I now have a vault for it.
But last week I discovered that if I commit in the morning to conducting three times (even if just for two minutes each time), then I conduct at least that many times. And everything is better.
Because, as Marisa wrote on the Playground wall, CONDUCTING MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER.
Also it is part of my Year of Emptying And Replenishing (password: compass), so this is part of what I am living by in 2013.
The qualities inside of the want:
Grounding. Steadiness. Comfort. Ritual. Desire. Pleasure. Reconnection. Quiet. Peacefulness. Wonder.
And the superpower of getting quiet enough to hum, as well as the superpower of Oh Right, Nothing Is Wrong.
Ways this might work:
I can use the other people who were at the Crossing as conducting allies. Or announce when I will be conducting.
And I can plant secret reminders everywhere.
Oh, and there can be a secret agent code phrase that means “let’s conduct!”. Code for the code! How about… “I’m going to go check the wiring.”
I’m playing with…
Checking the wiring.
Thing 4: A new (secret) name for Extra Sundays
Here’s what I want:
I use Monday as a secret Sunday. Because Monday is Fake Beach Day.
And sometimes I also use Fridays as Secret Sundays. But I don’t like the phrase secret Sundays, because it sounds too much like ice cream. Sundays/sundaes.
So. Undays? Sun Days? Hum Days?
The qualities inside of the want:
Playfulness. Delight. Simplicity. Mystery. Smiling.
Ways this might work:
It could just come to me.
Or I could talk it over with metaphor mouse.
Or maybe someone here will have some fun playful suggestions.
I’m playing with…
I’ll sit at the Lodge until I know what happens next.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
There is a lot about pleasure and play, about grounding and steadiness. As always, I am happiest when I am messing about with words.
And right now I am… wait for it, delighting, in just how many things I am letting myself want and how they are all interconnected. This is progress.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
Replanting some from last week and adding some new ones.
- Operation Two Anthologies
- TAJHMA.
- Toozday?
- Operation G.O.O.D.W.I.L.L.
- Finalizing the design for the new business cards.
- More Secret Flowers.
- Preparing for the VICARAGE.
- Move everything around.
- Letting beauty be its own reason.
- Feet feet feet feet feet feet feet.
- The Tree of Life part III?
- The Geniza.
- 36 tiny adventurers that are leaving my home and my life.
I’m playing with…
Putting this here and letting it all percolate for however long it needs to.
Playing with bits and pieces of it in the Floop, because the Floop is magic.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to use fractal flowers on my seven missions, and it worked brilliantly.
Then I wanted secret flowers, and oh wow! Secret flowers are the best! Both the pedicure and bath bomb experiments were loaded with good things. But then I got Actual Secret Flowers when the bouquet of Seekrit Flowers From Floopers arrived on my doorstep. Secret flowers!
And there was an ask about sleep, and that actually resolved itself easily.
As for the bonus wishes…
Operation Luscious Curtains! It happened. I didn’t think it would. Wham Boom. Also my decision about January 2014 was easier than I though it would be. Friday was everything I wished for, and the secret flowers got me there. And I did let beauty be its own reason, though I’m still working on that.
Also I am still de-cobwebbing (an ask from a few weeks ago), and loving it.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Ohmygod, that mouse (rat?) with its tiny teddy bear!?!?! I die. 🙂
{Silent Retreat} on my VPAs, but I am planting them!
Also, thank you for the reminder about monkeys who wear clothes! That held an incredibly important clew for me! Hooray! 🙂
mmmm…. delight is a fine thing!
What do I want for next week?
Well, last week I wanted ease. And many things worked out so well, I’d like to keep playing with that please!
Specifically:
* To know on monday if I’ll be teaching a class this semester.
* To have more people come play with me for friday’s class on planning out for goals.
* For the friday teleclass to be easy, smooth and joyful.
* More stretching in the evenings.
* To sleep better, faster, easier – and not wake up at 2.
* To work more art time in.
Hoping for the most magical of weeks for all!
My big wish is to find delight in my bus rides to and from work.
I wish to open myself to the possibility of being delighted by people I perceive as very different from me.
I am planting a tiny wish that the perfect living situation will easily present itself when least expected.
Bonus wishes : Xander reconnection, mentor magic, reiki session(s)!
Humming. The vibrations produce an anesthetic effect, so much so that I used to get fillings without Novocaine but I’d hum during the drilling. (PS This also makes the dentist get a sharper drill and finish faster.) I think its why we moan when sick as well, to send vibrations to our bellies.
Visions – Update from last week
Keeping the same one from last week, it’s a long term vision. But we moved closer to it this week.
There was less hermiting, because it was safer to leave the house. And do back bends and open our heart.
My Visions for the upcoming week –
Same as last week.
I got 3 hugs this weekend! They were very nice and genuine so I’m going to place a VPA for more hugs! The nice lovely kind from people I want hugs from.
Money! Yes please and more like that thank you.
Right clients, and the right number of clients. We know what that is and can see it. Holding that vision.
And look, here is the computer shutting off at 9pm to say “Head to bed!”
I’m playing with delight too… and playing, with delight. And delighting in play. Etc.
What I Want: A new bra (not secret agent code, sadly. Just stoopid companies changing their sizing.)
Qualities: Support. Comfort. Ease. Congruence. Harmony.
Ways this could work…
Well, I could go to the store and get measured and then try to order something online. This seems like a lot of work to me. I could possibly ask people for places that might sell sizes. I could just give it all up, or wear sports bras all the time. Someone could just send me one (although I doubt this will be the way it happens.)
I’ll play with…
Doing some research, to start.
What I Want: Rest and play and rest and play and rest and play. So on and so forth.
Qualities: Rest. Play. Delight. Ease. Abundance. Flow. Spaciousness. Comfort. Adventure. Appreciation. Softness. Trust.
Ways this could work…
Well, someone could come along and pay all the bills forever, so I could just play and rest… but somehow, that doesn’t seem like the answer. I think this involves a lot of paying attention for now.
I’ll play with… paying attention and asking myself what I need.
What I Want:To Re-Write the Copy
Qualities: Flow. Connection. Compassion. Communication. Delight. Ease. Congruence. Harmony. Presence. Sovereignty. Spaciousness. Love.
Ways this could work…
I could write a good enough version and get E to help me edit it (which, bonus, she already agreed to do!) I could just write the one thing and not worry about all the other things I think I need to write. I could color it or draw it. I could take it to the Biggification Corner (again.)
I’ll play with…. Looking for clues. Fractal flowers. Giving myself permission for it not to be perfect.
I love the idea of noticing and experience delight when delighted. Such an awesome word that doesn’t get enough play really. So much better than “enjoyment” which seems like something stolid and forced in comparison.
What I want this week:
Clean, sustained energy – as much as possible.
Major creative inspiration and mojo for upcoming gig.
Peace about a situation last week and resulting attack
of righteous indignation. (Need the strength to just leave it alone and not apologize. It won’t matter and might be more upsetting.)
To be delighted at what I find out at voc. rehab on Thursday.
To somehow blow through my taxes.
Gwishes –
Signs that romance is still possible – whatever they may be and wherever they come from. I plan to be delighted to see them in the ways I need to see them.
Instant progress with new visual software.
Just something promising and exciting to happen, no matter what it is.
To be delighted at the thought of upcoming gig – all week – instead of see it as mediocre achievement that I need to move on from. It’s art. It’s great! Delightful! People appreciate it. It’s my gift to give for the sake of giving.
Things that happened last week –
I successfully blew off too old sociopathic friends. It was hard, but I had to do it. One I just didn’t return the call out of the blue and the other I told to leave me alone. I am getting stronger boundaries!
I may always attract narcissists and sociopaths, but I am getting better at not letting them drain me. Makes more room for delightful company to appear.
An old friend called me last night and it was good to reconnect and plan for a visit at some point. Two great calls with two great female friends on a lonely Saturday, no less, which was delightful really – to realize I am never totally alone.
Things are getting a bit more organized around here. Energy is increasing slowly but surely even during PMS week. Amazing. I thank this space to share this wish and my yoga practice.
A Thing: for my dental procedure to go smoothly
Qualities: Trust. Comfort. Cleanliness.
Ways: Allow myself plenty of time to prepare and to get to the office. Allow myself plenty of time to recover.
I’ll play with: getting scientific with the monsters
Gwishes:
* satisfying walks
* the right words and notes
* things to rub and roll the right way
* sushi
* taramasalata
* wholehearted me to the front of the V
Noticing: a thing for cushioning. Not to be confused with cushiness.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Delight in enoughness. Hand-on-heart sigh for that one. Yes.
I had a pretty big epiphany this morning, triggered by all the great percolation from the TIME class. It revolves around the idea of spy capers and changing the video game in terms of how the world treats time. I started seeing the way I *navigate* my way through the world’s external/arbitrary time expectations as a sort of secret agent mission. Like you know how a good movie spy (hello, Jason Bourne!) can find him- or herself in a totally foreign environment, and instantly adapt to changes in language, culture, flow, etc., and immediately thrive like a local? *That* is my particular VPA about navigating time. Adapting like a BOSS, complete with zen-master mask when needed. Especially with respect to hard deadlines vs. what I do in the soft. Or in secret! (Cue the spy music!)
So, lots to play with there, and lots more to marinate. But that’s my big gwish right now, especially considering my way-too-full plate between now and the Great Escape in T-minus 25 days!
Also gwishing for a ease-filled container to enjoy the TIME transcripts; I had some big technical difficulties (couldn’t load the Chattery because of ancient version of Flash; neighbor using accursed leafblower to block out my concentration during call), so I had to do a lot of forced lurking. But it’s so great to see the names of the lovely folks I actually got to meet at Rally on that Chattery transcript. So sending lots of warm sighs and wishes to Do Mi, FoxyJess, Karensu, Ealasaid, Courtney, Julia. I’ll play with reading your words this week and taking lots of heart from them!
Big sparkly smiles and time-related epiphanies to all!
@Sarah, I saw a cartoon a while ago about support bras. These support bras wave flags and cheer for you- “you can do it!” and “you’re awesome!”. I personally hope you find some like that!!!
Thing 1: washing my cares away.
I have belatedly dubbed January the Moon of Washing My Cares Away. Down the plughole in a whirlpool of soapy water. I stand still in the centre of the vortex of my emotions as they swirl away from me leaving me clean and shining and glowy and … yeah, humming. Right. I’m getting that!
I’ll play with:
– washing with awareness
– making it magic
– releasing releasing lighten up let it go it’s done now…
– angels (which is another word for trust. Didn’t I tell you I was turning a deeeeep shade of hippy? Apparently, I believe in angels now. HA!!! Not really. But kind of.)
Thing 2: joyful doing and committed relaxation
When I am doing something, may I give myself to it fully. And if I can only do that for two minutes let me put it down again with equanimity. And when I am NOT doing something (ie. resting, funny how that doesn’t count as “something” in this set of words) let me rest wholeheartedly.
I’ll play with:
– keeping my phone in the bottom of my bag.
– actually that will really help with this one.
– destuckifying my phone
addictionrelationship.*fairy dust*
@Chandler, your epiphany sounds soooo intriguing! And like any good marinade, it smells delicious!
An update on past visions
Last week, I asked for permission to investigate my relationship with time. Well, I colored a Time Monster, and he’s hanging on my wall at work, and he REALLY loves the idea of containers. I left him playing with a stack of tupperware, since he likes them so much.
And I also asked for ways to integrate play and P.L.A.Y. into more of my life, and didn’t move anywhere on that. I’m whispering to myself that it just wasn’t time yet, and looking for clews. Throwing this back in the pot.
Also noticed – found this bit of history on burnout and it was exactly what I needed. The bit of stuck resistance and grumbly resentment I’ve been plagued with for the past 3 weeks – burnout. Ahhhhhhhh…..
Vision for this week
Thing 1 – I’m feeling really curious about sovereignty. Really curious. Like, searching Google endlessly and reading lots of blog archives curious. BUT there are things I need to spend on before I feel ready to spend much on this bit of curiosity, so I’m looking for good resources to learn more in my price range (free-$50)
Ways this could happen:
Lovely commenter mice might share some resources for me.
The blog post trail that I’m following might lead to buried treasure.
I could ask the night-time monkeys to help out.
I could look for clews and be open to epiphanies.
I could try the library.
Random things sparked…
Yes, I want monies–harmonies! Har har.
A story about dips…. When I was a little girl, there was a log in the playground/parking-lot that I would pretend was a balance beam. I would dip one foot down next to the beam. The step between the dips was called a carrot–because carrots go with dip. And my Friend played with me, until the lunch lady with the big wart insisted that the log was too close to what she thought was poison ivy (which totally wasn’t, it just tickled our bare ankles delightfully, not itchily.)
The moral: I’ve always given myself permission to make up words and play, despite any ogres who want “what’s best for me”.
So, VPA….
I say/write/repeat that I really want flow. The monsters are still making it murky; do *they* want this, just so I can feel like a not-so-horrible person?
Icky time thing: My friend says, “Oh, you’re only working 9 to 5. You must have so much extra time to fill.” I feel guilt for working way less, despite everyone’s expectations. Can’t remember when I worked more. Disappointed by the unfulfillingness of the time not at work, which is mostly spent diagnosing the inability to work. Disappointed for comparing my commitments’ to others’.
Aack, hoover and ray gun for the “can’t” limits. Aack, for such masculine/aggressive images. And also for the touchy-feely tools that have been equally unhelpful.
I want hope and wisdom and epiphany!!!
Playing with:
yoga
Shiva Nata on steroids
Thing only: BOUNDARY
Here’s what I want: Boundary
The qualities inside of the want:
Boldness
Ownership
Unwavering
Nourishing
Division
Autonomy
Responsibility
Yearned-for
Ways this might work:
Mulling over the clews revealed during this week’s Monster Tea Parties.
Letting my-peeps-who-know-about-boundary know that I am seeking this – maybe they have some clews for me.
Looking at how this IS like then, and what clews I can find therein.
I’m playing with:
Trying on the costume in safe rooms and blanket forts. Seeing what it feels like. Like a dress rehearsal.
Strengthening my force field.
Working the 8 compass points.
I’m grateful for:
The class and e-book on Time and the connections (for me) between Time and Boundary. (thank you, Havi!)
Scattering gwishes like wildflower seeds…
…the kitchen sink!
…work for the Wizard.
…vvvvvvvoice!
…icing the cakes. All of them. With love and ease.
I’m playing with: secret sparkly superpowers. mmmmhmmm.
I really need to add on a gwish that hit me as I was putting out the trash tonight –
I want (and expect) to be somehow totally rejuvenated with a more delightful and more outgoing personality – for an INFP/HSP such as myself. Bring on the innate buoyancy! I know it’s in there waiting to thrive! I’ve seen it before – many times.
Report Back on Gwishes from Last Time:
– My return to Aikido class went swimmingly! Yay!
– So far, no ucky new side effects from the new meds. Too early to tell if it’s working, though.
– I found a new name for sorting-things-in-preparation-for-the-move (Waking Up the Koi!), and have been mostly successful with ease and enthusiasm. For one thing, I keep finding awesome stuff as I’m sorting through old boxes! And the piles of shredding/recycling make me feel productive. Woo.
– AND the aspect of the move I expected to find out about went A-OK! Huzzah!
Gwishes for This Week:
– Ease and calm around a big presentation I have to give at work this week.
– Continued ease and enthusiasm around waking up the koi!
– Good translation skills as friends give me advice around moving out of state. (They say “Do this!” and I want to read and react to “I do this!” Less stress/frustration.)
Hello rest-of-week.
I want rest, connection, silence, the superpower of not trying to read other people’s minds, a school meeting that is calm and rational and concerned with x’s best interests.
Also, while we’re at it — I want no more firings and no fits thrown about Friday.
Also! I want to remember that everything works out and that frustration is simply a sign that I’m ready for the next thing.
Thank you.
Gwishes–
Hope, order, ease, easy unpacking, help, the observer, hope hope hope. Sovereignty. Detachment. Not catching other people’s weird depressing feelings. Truck (actual). Completion. Lightness. Window treatments. Not getting tangled up in worries, past, etc. Energy. Replenishment.
And a really big gwish around something special, collective, risky I put a ton of love and work into, if anyone wants to send it a beautiful pink bubble of protection, power, magic and luck to keep it what it is and not have it given a nose job that would be really really helpful. Thank you. xo
Gwishes:
-More experimenting with mini-missions
-To stay curious and listening to what my body wants to eat, and how much (it’s changed recently)
-There’s something in my bedroom that doesn’t need to be there, and is messing with the flow. I’d like to begin negotiating with it.
-Wise spending of my dineros
-Deep rest and replenishment during my long weekend
-Fun! Star Date and playing with crayons and other fun things
-Think of ways to be as nice as possible to Morning Me (I sometimes call her Dawn aka Yawn)
-For all my work in the garden to fractal flower into progress for The Dreaded Spring Thing
-More yoga