Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
What do I want?
The situation. And background.
So last year was the year of all the barns burning. All the goodbyes.
Everything ends, dies, reconfigures. This is the way of life.
Though — hahahaha, let us pause for hysterical laughter — usually not all at once.
I’ve been through a serious bootcamp in Letting Go, and as you can probably guess, bootcamp is not my preferred vehicle for anything.
Things end.
Last year endings happened to me. This year I’d like to choose some.
And yes, some of the ones I’m choosing are also “happening” to me, but I am actively saying yes to them. I am also choosing the part where six months later I realize oh-right-this-ending-was-a-blessing, and trying to get a headstart on that moment.
What I want.
Empty in order to replenish. Dissolve so you can radiate. Deconstruct so you can rebuild. Let go to receive.
Let go. Let go to grow. Let go because it’s what is indicated right now. Let go because it’s going whether you want it to or not. Let go because grasping is causing you pain. Let go because the new thing that will come in is even better. Let go because release. Let go because staying is stagnation. Let go because you can’t hold onto it anyway.
Let. Go.
It’s not a red light of no — it’s refuge and release.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Trust. Release. Steadiness. Ground. Love. Receive. Miracles. Willingness.
And the superpower of oh yes I am getting better at trusting the ground!
What might help?
Blessings in disguise may be a trite, overused phrase, but it’s one of those things that exists for a reason. It sums up a truth that happens so often that it needs to be referenced.
Pay attention, Havi Bell! Are you listening and breathing?
Blessings. In. Disguise.
There is an ACTUAL PHRASE THAT EXISTS and it’s about your two favorite things: Blessings and Disguises.
Or really, about your three favorite things, because unexpectedly discovering that a hard thing is really a good thing might be your most favorite thing.
What else might help?
- Empty the pirate queen quarters, which are going to become a new giant blanket-fort and nap room.
- Empty the toy shop.
- Empty through long, slow, sweet yoga.
- Empty through exhaling.
- Empty through meeting with Hope to talk about emptying.
- Empty through silence.
- Empty through extra-silent silent retreat.
- Empty through reconfiguring fields.
- Empty through crying. And through laughing. Let tears flush out whatever needs to leave.
- Empty through writing and empty through dancing.
- Empty through giving things away.
- Empty through returning things that do not belong to me.
- Empty through returning the things other people project onto me.
- Empty through recognizing distortions and false perceptions.
- Empty through not agreeing to follow the old familiar pathways and patterns.
- Empty through a enemigo que huye, puente de plata (please enjoy this lovely silver bridge on your way away from me, my lovely enemy that is fleeing). All the while knowing that there is no enemy because kol ma shenegdi ashlaya (everything that is against me is an illusion). What is leaving is illusion. Including the illusion that this [situation of grief/loss/pain] is bad news for Havi.
- Empty through play, presence and playful presence.
- Empty through the Sail of Emptying.
Anything else?
Yes, I want to tell you guys more about the Sail of Emptying.
This emptying is for navigational purposes. I know a lot more about voyaging in general and my current voyage in particular than I did when I began this business eight years ago.
It’s time to remove everything that isn’t aligned with the compass, everything that isn’t setting me up to ride the trade winds.
So. I’m letting go of a number of products from the online store.
Even though it’s leaving, it’s still terrific (and useful!) material. It’s just that to get to the next place, I have to begin differently.
Five products. They’re available for the next week or so, and then they’re gone.
The Taos ebook is full of treasure, by the way.
I hope you enjoy, and I’m glad some people will benefit from this experiment in consciously emptying out. ♡
I’m playing with…
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.
Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Wishes in glass bottles.
- The anatomy of an extra-silent silent retreat.
- Information for rendezvous with Agent Wilkinson.
- Skipping all the stones.
- Centerpiece.
- A new lease on ___________. Like a lease on life but different!
- Life-life! Vitality and aliveness. 36 and 36.
- I want to be here now.
- Everything moves, and this is okay!
- New roots. Well-nourished..
Repeat-wishes
- Resting into miracles.
- I can choose quiet.
- Left-handed labyrinth.
- Perfect simple solutions, suddenly visible!
- Sound effects for my internal video game.
- Being at the 9&9, even when it isn’t nine or nine.
- Ahahaha I am an accidental genius! SOLVED.
- Well-rested: the first and best well.
- What do I need? What do I want?
- Sweet blissful steadiness.
- Things that need to exit now exit gracefully.
- Things that need to come in now are received with love.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Curiosity. Shelter. Wonder. Plenty. Appreciation. Release. Sustenance. Play.
And the superpower of things sliding into place.
I ask for this one every week, but I’m not bored of it yet: Seeing the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
I know what I want. This is new, and kind of a big deal. And I’m doing everything in my power to let go of things that are not related to that want.
I’m playing with…
Being a bell.
Listening. Going back to bed with a smile.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Okay, last week..
Last week I asked for “the superpower of seeing exciting options that were invisible before” and it worked so well that it is BLOWING MY MIND.
I want to ask for this every day forever, from now on.
And the main thing I wanted last week was trust the ground. I worked with that and played with it all week long, and it’s feeling less like some far-off theoretical thing and more like something that I know a little bit about.
Progress!
And I just realized that everything else I asked for came true for me, so now I’m kicking myself for not seeding more wishes filling up on appreciation for past-me, who is wise and creative and knew exactly what to ask for.
Also I wish to note that when I am on Vicarage (or otherwise WELL-RESTED), my wishes come to life faster. Interesting, interesting.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
I had a year where the barns all burned. 2 summer ago now. And yesterday I found myself back where they burned and I could stand there (not for too long) and look and say “oh, yes, barn that burned. I did love you, barn. And I will look and remember about you and feel my heart opening instead of closing” which I think is a very good thing.
And to be careful and not think “Oh, the barn is being rebuilt” but to just say “there was a barn here, and we can still talk about the garden even though we can’t live in the barn together.”
I did not know this day would arrive. And it arrived yesterday. And stayed for today, too.
What I would like: for my heart to stay open. And maybe for us to have a tiny friendship, because I have missed him so.
What I want this week? Rest. Restful, resty, rest.
And I’m going to play with all the ways to find rest in other things. Like what was useful about showing up at the dance place last night and there not being dance was that I got to go home and rest. Or tomorrow… yes, it looks like I’m flying to DC to go to a meeting and general running around-ness all day, but really I’m resting on the plane, and in the car, and at the meeting, and in the car, and on the plane. Because it’s not my meeting and it’s not my stuff. So I agreed to go, but really I just have a day of no responsibilities and no decisions to make. And that’s so beautifully restful for me right now – maybe even more so than staying home would be and having to decide things. And then I will probably go dancing, if I feel like it. And I will rest between songs and appreciate the loveliness of stop in between go.
And all this is quiet preparation for the retreat I’m going to on Saturday… resting into the rest. Because the last few months of go have been too much and all I want right now is recovery and reconnecting to myself. Which basically looks like a lot of reading, sleeping, lying on the floor and (somehow) dance.
This. this this.
What I want: To remember that I am on the voyage of the Year of Emptying and Replenishing. To return to the techniques and the qualities and the tingling I felt when I first read about it.
Ways This Could Work:
-Someone could invite me to a secret Facebook page for YEAR participants (I like ‘YEARlings”) who are not on the Floop
-Or I could start one myself! What if I had my very own secret pirate/ninja page? hmmmm!
-I can take more pawses. Reminder: they don’t have to be evenly spaced out to be good, and useful, and enough.
-I could incorporate more visuals in compassing
-Fractal flowers of mystery
I’m Playing With:
-emptying. remembering to keep only what is in present time.
-letting my fairy godmother have a half hour in the early-ish evening to set everything up for Morning Me
-renaming things: radical rest! extreme breathing!
-remembering that DFTBA means that I am doing a great job, even when I forget.
….. Last Week’s Achievement of the Week:
* I made it through The Thing! No more Thing for another 6 months! Or maybe ever!
…..What I Want For This Week:
* After last week’s delay (*truthfully* not my fault), to implement step 1 of the FMSHAP.
* Try to do more Red Circles this week. Examine why I’m having a blockage with certain ones. I just need to _DO_ them. Then I can cross them off my list forever.
* Make an appointment with Dr. T. (Hm, it’s not just my phone phobia that’s preventing this, it’s mostly my Goblins.)
* To be at peace with my rapidly filling calendar.
…..Ways I Could Make It Happen:
* I’ll use my Unseen Ninja Skills to contact the Nice Helping-Man. Utilise the Giant Foam Novelty Hand to ask for his help.
* Negotiate with my Goblins who think I deserve to have a sore back rather than going to Dr. T. I’ll need to use my Unseen Ninja Skills again, to make the appointment. But I know the girl at the other end is really nice and it won’t be so hard. I’ll do this one first: it can be like the practice round.
* As for the Red Circles, perhaps it’s the sheer number of them that’s intimidating. Try reducing them to the bare minimum. Minimalist Circles. Beige Circles. If that doesn’t work, talk to Pukkel and the other Head-Goblins about why the longest-lingering circles are still there.
* Breathe. And Sleep.
…..Helpers I’ll Call On:
* I think I’m going to need a helper to start talking to Pukkel and the other Goblins. It’s going to be pretty scary and I need someone to hold my hand! Perhaps I’ll create an annex to the Safe Room that we can hang out in while we chat. A place of extra security.
…..Superpower I’ll Use:
* Curiosity. I’ll spend hours glued to Wikipedia out of sheer curiosity, so why not use that same superpower to find out what advice the Nice Helping-Man has, and find out what Pukkel and Friends have to say?
Happy VPAs to everyone!
Still making good and interesting progress on the vision I started two weeks ago, so I’m going to keep right on going!
I’m playing with: Emptying. Watching what happens. Science!
Loving everything here, especially:
– a enemigo que huye, puente de plata. One of my most favorite sayings. I know exactly what that bridge looks like. I’ve gotten pretty good at building them.
– giving things away. Me too!
– hysterical laughter. Yep.
– The Taos ebook. It is indeed full of treasure.
– I’m doing everything in my power to let go of things that are not related to that want. Oh, wow! OH, WOW. Yes. This is what I want, too. Thank you for that!
<3
SO much to write, but I will start by saying:
@Whitney, I’m on the YEAR but not the Floop! I would love some other (my phrase) Ship’s Mice to play with! We are on a voyage, but we’re not the CRew, we’re lil silent stowaways taking the voyage too. And boy is Emptying and Replenishing the RIGHT journey for me this year (even if i do hide out in the hold and don’t do any swabbing).
More later.
The silver bridge is my image of the day. Universe: more images, please. It just hit me that the power of images of monsters and qualities and compasses is that my muddled feelings turn concrete (meaning realistic, not rigid.)
What do I need? Picturing my wispy-smoke “enemy” scurrying off mischievously on a lovely shiny bridge of magnanimity? Knowing the enemy? Is it some part of me? It can be a thought pattern that I’m done with…a thought that can float off like a cloud on a sunny day.
Thanks Leni, I messaged you! <3
Thank you Universe! You are showing me that when I get around to asking for things, sometimes I just get them!
*runs off to write*
So a long ago Vision became an INvestigation into what I know about White Flowers and wow is that just full of treasure. And it’s all evry fractal as well
This week I need the Superpowers of Knowing What to Do Next, and also Finding the R&R in any moment.
I need excellent Well-Tending, need to visit many wells. Need my Best Practices every day.
I need to remember to ask the Invisibles for help: Spirits and Guides, please do for the highest good what I cannot.
Centerpeace. It seems to want candles and getting on the floor. maybe hot showers after work.
I also would like the SuperPOwer of Not Putting Off doing soemting nice for msyelf. This is a Timing Issue as well as a Monster issue.
Yes, the barn burnings! Yes to letting go!
This week marks one full year since my biggest barn burned, one I’d spent so long building and decorating and imagining. Now we’re 12 months later, and I’m ready to embrace the letting go.
What I Want: Letting Go and Inviting In
Saying goodbye to all the things that no longer serve me. Goodbye that barn, goodbye fair, goodbye ideas about who I was supposed to be.
Inviting in all the new things I am excited for. Hello, yoga teaching course. Hello, new excellent job. Hello, healing body. Come on in!
Ways This Could Work: Setting up a magic gate, where only the things I am totally, unbelievably stoked about can pass through. Maybe they have to answer three questions?
Building new rhythms that work for me (early morning walks and late afternoon tea!)
I’d like: the superpowers of enormous wings that blow away everything that isn’t mine and carry me to things that are mine.
Warm wishes to all 🙂
I am inspired by the list of ways to empty.
I called on these personae to use their powers for my good this week:
The Assistant of Extreme Awesomeness,
Laird’s research assistant,
Linda the Office Nurse (her colleagues Ann and Christine responded to my needs too!), the Butlerette,
Floella,
and the WP/PAA Person.
VL vonB stepped in for the history research. Yay, VL!
They came through for me. That Floella! She is the Best! Her sparkling powers penetrated where I thought there was no hope of that happening.
We now have a physically visible White Triangle of Formidable Assurance.
What I asked for last time:
Iguana Extermination – a tiny cry of “Yay, Trucks!”
Remembering what it is useful to remember – Yay, Trucks!
Using what I know – Yay, Trucks!
More history research – Yay, Trucks!
I also asked for some things and I am re-asking them this week:
Outdoor refueling stations
Rewards as reinforcement.
Finding all the things.
Plus more progress on the things that I made progress on. I want to WHAM Boom those suckers out of the park!
This week I want:
Thing 1: Pattern interruption/change
There are three patterns that I want to change. Pattern A and Pattern B and Pattern C.
Pattern B may be amenable to timed breaks. Perhaps with cold drinks?
Pattern A needs me to make some phone calls and some appointments ASAP. Also a list of desired outcomes from the appointments. Involve Floella, the A of EA, and Laird’s RA.
Pattern C probably needs a script and a checklist of steps and reminders.
Thing 2: Refueling Stations
Outdoor refueling stations on the deck and the porch.
Seekrit indoor refueling station
Ask various selves what is needed and where would work best.
Thing 3: A creative project: “Dichroic Sculpey”
Other asks: some are gwishes, some are clear needs, and some are just planting a seed. (hey, I made a rhyme!)
Bookends and centerpiece for each day
Successful ops:
Op Not-Brad
Op Overdoes
Op SSC and AAA
Op IATP
Op Bins
Op Wells
Strengthening my forcefield by designing an emblem for my shield. (A forcefield is a type of shield.)
Beer for Laird’s RA and a blazer for the Assistant of Extreme Awesomeness.
Have been following/stalking (stalowing?) you over the past few months along the interwebs. Quite a bit o’ material here. May 27 blog, excellent. My own style of filling what’s empty and emptying what’s full. Have had huge trouble emptying since my spouce of 32 1/2 years passed away. The more I took on, the less I could put down. Five years later I am just now being comfortablish with the month of May (her birthday, Mother’s Day, and our anniversary). Thanksgiving to after Christmas, torture. But not as bad as I had thought. As a ‘helping” profesional widely known for solving problems, my search for solitude hits the ‘afraid to be alone’ snag every manure forkin’ day. Anywhere, keep up the good work. I shall return one day for a recharging.
A Thing: I got on the bike today for the first time in over two months. What was awesome was feeling confident enough to ride to the farmers’ market and back in spite of not having ridden in a while. What was un-awesome was feeling gassed going up even slight inclines.
What I want: to feel I can spare the time to ride several times a week. For the riding to get easier. For my body to get leaner and fitter.
The qualities inside the wants: strength. flexibility. stamina. immediacy (aka roses and magnolias up close). The superpower of going where I want when I want.
What might help? different sunscreen. Turning my existing tubes into jars (i.e., cutting them open painting the sunscreen on instead of squeezing it out). Splurging on the organic stuff I tried at today’s market. Seeing if there’s anything my birthday coupons can buy.
What else might help? choosing a get-out-of-the-house bag. simplifying its contents. simplifying my plans. permission to stash less and pay more.
What else do I want? The things I’ve planted and am planting to feed me. Insight into my recurring shoulder injury. Also, an eclair.
Ways these could come about: More investigating. More water and sunshine. More permission slips.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
@Whitney, contact me at lenibelle at hotmail dot com.
Many warm wishes to everyone here, visible or invisible!
I am breathing the super power of trusting in the midst of doubt. Trusting even though I can’t see it. Trust. I am trusting in trust!
Nice ‘letter to me’ on PTSD. Helping flashbacking children stay grounded at the crisis unit keeps me on my toes. I believe your duck-filled pirate realm needs a tall Red Bud tree and lilac bushes, lots of lilac bushes.