Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I invariably discover useful information about my relationship with the thing I think I want, and with the experience of Wanting itself. Join in if you like….
What do I want?
The situation. And background.
I have been trying to write this for three days now, and I keep getting tangled up in my own frustration.
Which I guess is probably a sign that the ask this week is about that, and not the thing I think it is about.
It has to do with being a Highly Sensitive Person, and it has to do with living life with and around that.
It has to do with my desire to respect my sensitivities (because the consequences are hell), and it has to do with my recent sense of frustration about limitations, real and perceived, due to these sensitivities.
What I want, really, is a new relationship with how I take care of myself.
And a combination of peacefulness and legitimacy for the big feelings that I’m feeling right now about this.
What I want.
To move from the grief of I Don’t Get To into the freedom, release and joy of I Don’t Have To.
To acknowledge the pain.
Recognizing that I can’t be coaxed or prodded into gratitude and appreciation, ore even perspective. I have to get there in my own time and my own way. So I want patience with that, and support.
And trust. That I will find my way through and around this. That I will be able to give myself what I need, and that this feeling of helplessness and frustration will pass.
The qualities inside of the wants:
I’m keeping last week’s eight qualities, in the same order.
Trust. Release. Steadiness. Ground. Love. Receive. Miracles. Willingness.
And the superpower or sankalpa of quiet lives inside of me.
What might help?
What I got from yoga yesterday was:
There is joy and freedom in everything. Give it time to show itself. Work within what you have been given. You don’t have to like it. Just agree that this is where you’re at.
Agent White asked: “What is the flip side to this perception of restriction and limitation?”
And I wasn’t ready for the question. So maybe my wish is to become ready for that question.
What else might help?
Yoga. Breathing. Conducting. Compass. Quiet. Less.
Water. Trust. Napping. Asking. Entering. Playing. Waiting.
Emptying. Releasing.
Less. Less. Less. Less. Less.
I’m playing with…
I’m allowed to not like this. I’m allowed to have a rough time even formulating what it is that is driving me crazy about this.
If I had been born with one arm, I’d be finding ways to make this work for me. So how can I make this work for me?
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.
Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- A beautiful week.
- Everything I need is right here.
- Skipping all the stones.
- Showing Tino beautiful pieces of Portland.
- Writing time.
- Good news and more good news.
- Presence and play.
- Agency.
- Breathing and releasing.
- Time and space.
- Little corners of sweetness.
- Sleep like a happy baby.
Repeat-wishes
- Resting into miracles.
- Choosing quiet.
- Left-handed labyrinth.
- Perfect simple solutions, suddenly visible!
- Sound effects for my internal video game.
- Being at the 9&9, even when it isn’t nine or nine.
- Ahahaha I am an accidental genius! SOLVED.
- Well-rested: the first and best well.
- What do I need? What do I want?
- Sweet blissful steadiness.
- Things that need to exit now exit gracefully.
- Things that need to come in now are received with love.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Same as last time.
Curiosity. Shelter. Wonder. Plenty. Appreciation. Release. Sustenance. Play.
And the superpower of I see around things.
I ask for this one every week, but not bored of it yet: Seeing the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
It just can.
I’m playing with…
Joy and freedom. Writing these on the palms of my hands.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Okay, last week..
Everything I asked for last week about receiving and releasing was amazing. Many miracles and surprises.
I got some good news. Tetris was fun. Agent White and I shared yoga every single day.
And I am feeling good about everything that has been planted. Additionally I’m convinced that everything I’m having trouble with now is part of the next step of the emptying and releasing I’ve been doing. It’s all progress, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
Havi, sympathy (if you want it) for the hard. Sending positive energy for your visions and gwishes.
And to the visions of others.
Mine this week:
Golf Tango Delta and the helping people.
The Projects and the Ops
Sweet sleep
The superpower of knowing just what to do.
Using what I know.
Having the allies and resources I need.
I hereby invoke as a sankalpa for this week the quality of return. Fall off? Come back. Lose focus? Refocus. Let go? Reestablish. Grasping? Release. Again. Stop? Begin. Again. Forget? Look, in realising you forgot you have remembered. Returning, returning, returning. Non-dramatic, non-story-fied or meaning-fied, unimpressed by resistance, RETURN. <3
stones & sweet sparks for all your gwishes Havi.
Here are the gwishes I would like to make room for this week. I am invoking the superpowers of Luscious Ease & Everything that needs to exit is released peacefully for each of these….
*Ellery says Yes
*Epic deck
*Strong is my new Sexy
*Sexy is my new Strong
*kissing a prophet
*YOWzers & Wordlings & Woodles galore
*momentary Packer Fan (ie cheese head)
*S-Dust Everywhere
*not just Right Timing but S-time, all the time
I’m placing each of these gwishes into this week’s compass:
* Luscious Ease * Light * Love * Sparkles * Gentle Expanses * Nourishment * Simplicity * Yes *
Everything goes into the pot!
….. Last Week’s Achievement of the Week:
* I finally sent the parcel! The parcel I’d been procrastinating about sending for 5 months. I’m a mail-sending fiend! Yihaaa!
* I learned a valuable lesson in making the hard easy. I spent a week stressing about making The Call, and suddenly realised it would be perfectly fine to email instead. Duh!
…..What I Want For This Week:
* go Spelunking:
1. talk to the Goblins about why they seem to think that spilling on my new top = I don’t deserve anything nice = I don’t deserve to own my own home. Find out a way to work on the task while simultaneously working on the blocks that prevent me from doing the task. Hm.
2. ditto about why I can’t seem to get it together when it comes to looking after my Tortoiseshell.
…..Ways I Could Make It Happen:
* carve out some time for another Goblin Interview.
* write about or draw my ideal home in my Book of Me. Make it fun.
* re-read my Conversation with Body. Maybe do a drawing and stick it up somewhere to remind me.
Helpers I’ll Call On:
* Have a chat with my Buddy about her recent house-hunting experiences. Hoping this will make me perceive the process/me as more normalised.
* Don’t forget the Nice Helping-Man (aka Mortgage Broker) is here to help. That’s his job!
…..Superpower I’ll Use:
* The Superpower of inventing some safety gear and tools for my Spelunking sessions. I’m still liking the rock-steadiness of the pet rock, too.
Happy VPAs to everyone!
Hi, Havi.
I can totally relate to your not really loving to be a HSP in some situations, and feeling limited.
Something that came to me while reading your text was the memory of how I found a way of getting a little over it was stopping to remember myself that I am a HSP.
If a loud motorcycle roars, it’s annoying, but it doesn’t make me repeat every time it happens, that I am a HSP.
If I’m colder than everyone else, I just wear more clothes, but I stop repeating that I’m feeling cold because of being a HSP.
It totally worked to stop making me feel highly sensitive and sensitive to sensitivities all the time, and I feel better.
I hope you find what you need soon. *hugs*
Awash with surprise gratitudes.
Your wishes, dear Everyone, are mine.
A couple of weeks ago, I was cleaning a board book and came across a picture of an iguana that a child had covered completely in surgical tape. I immediately thought, “Oh, I’ll be writing about that,” but I couldn’t remember right away what was significant about iguanas other than a friend being keen on lizards.
Then, later in my shift: “Oh! Removing the stuck from iguanas! Oh!”
So, superpower of eventual connection? yeah!
And, speaking of iguanas, what I want is to ease past and off the gunk and hard-to-breathe-through with a couple of projects. The monsters keep making “they won’t appreciate your expertise or effort” noises — and I recognize some of that comes from a recent situation where a customer didn’t like my work and didn’t pay for it, as well as situations where gifts weren’t reciprocated or appreciated.
But these projects are for different people. The time I spend on them will not be time wasted even if the results aren’t greeted with gratitude or enthusiasm. And the monsters tend to ignore how often my work has impressed and/or delighted its recipients.
The qualities inside of this? Confidence. Calm. Abundance. (There is a deep-rooted fear of squandering money/time/resources in the center of this.)
What might help? more math. spreading things out.
What also might help? permission to take extra time. permission to miss out.
I’m playing with: ignoring the off-balance and unbalanced elements around me. Not my job to address or fix them. Not right now. Not when there are iguanas to tend.
Progress report: Discussed shoulder with doc. Savored an eclair. Tried and ordered different sunscreens. Cut open tubes. Go me!
Warm wishes and cool, lavender-scented washcloths (it’s 90 F here!) to all who would like them.
@Mecaieh — Unsticking the iguana — wow, that’s a powerful image! What it sparks for me is the thought that sometimes iguanas need a little tenderness and patience.
I am sending light, buoyant, sparkling hopes for everyone’s gwishes today.
Oh, and here’s another thought, about my own experiments and adventures this week: I find myself kind of on the flip side of something that you, mentioned, Havi. I am playing with the shift from I Have To to I Get To. I am making choices. I am polishing my crown, and I will wear it well.
YES to less. Oh, yes.
Also: I am inspired to announce I have accepted employment as Agent Daniels. About time!
Xo to all the Chickeneers!