Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, evehttps://fluentself.com//wp-admin/admin.php?page=wordpress-related-posts&ref=adminbarn when asking feels conflicted.
I invariably discover useful information about my relationship with the thing I think I want, and with the experience of Wanting itself. Join in if you like….
What do I want?
The situation. And background.
I have two big [rhymes with headlines] coming up and I don’t know how these two things are going to get done in time, if at all.
And, unsurprisingly, the monsters and time gremlins have completely taken over. It is one giant monster trance party pride parade extravaganza in here (at least they’re having fun…).
And their favorite song to dance to has only one line — on repeat, at full volume. And it rhymes with You’re So Trucked.
Over and over again. You can’t do this. It’s not going to work. You’re So Trucked.
What I want.
So yes, it is possible that the dates will arrive, and the thing that, according to my perception of the world, needs to be done by then and by me, will not be done. That is one possibility.
However, the You’re So Trucked soundtrack is not helping me with the getting done. And it certainly won’t help if the reality turns out to be that I have to adjust to the idea of these things not being done.
What I want is to consciously, lovingly, playfully mess with and/or replace the current soundtrack.
For example, I could make up my own We’re So Trucked song, to a different tune. And really, as long as I say “trucked”, it’s already kind of better.
I could respond with: My Darlings, Nothing Is Trucked. A la the Big Lebowski.
Or: I’m so ____________________!
I’m so… in luck? I’m so…challenged in a really interesting and unusual way? I’m so…up for this crazy adventure? I’m so…receptive to miracles and good surprises? I’m so…willing to be surprised at how perfect simple solutions can show up for me?
Maybe TRUCK can become an acronym that stands for something secretly fabulous. In secret agent code. Trust Receive Undo Create Key.
Yeah baby. I’m SO TRUCKED. I’m trusting, receiving, undoing and creating keys.
The qualities inside of the wants:
I’m keeping the eight qualities from the past couple weeks, in the same order.
Trust. Release. Steadiness. Ground. Love. Receive. Miracles. Willingness.
And the superpower or sankalpa of remembering that I don’t know the ending yet, there are lots of ways this could work out.
Also the thing my wonderful uncle Svevo says about how the ROI on worry is traditionally pretty low.
What might help?
Commitment. Play. Readiness.
Operation 5am. Can we rename this?
Support from fellow agents. I might enlist this year’s Shellbacks from my Crossing the Line retreat to be my partners in crime on this. I suspect that playing with it at the Floop will help.
What else might help?
Yoga. Breathing. Conducting.
Eight breaths of Trust and Steadiness.
I’m playing with…
I’m allowed to feel scared, frustrated, whatever it is I’m feeling at any given moment. All feelings are legitimate. And: they are not the whole truth of my being or this experience. They are clues about truth, and they are also distortions of truth.
So as much as I want to focus on Getting The Things Done, my real focus needs to be remembering that I am safe and loved, remembering that I can trust my process as a human being, remembering that how I care for my internal kingdom is the real work.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.
Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Pause and breathe. Again. Again.
- Things get solved and resolved surprisingly quickly. Either they get done or they reveal solutions, or something shows up that means they don’t have to get done.
- Skipping all the stones.
- Fractal flowers.
- Writing time in large and small pockets.
- Ha, I didn’t think of that but now it’s making everything better.
- Solved!
Repeat-wishes
- Resting into miracles.
- Choosing quiet.
- Left-handed labyrinth.
- Perfect simple solutions, suddenly visible!
- Sound effects for my internal video game.
- Being at the 9&9, even when it isn’t nine or nine.
- Ahahaha I am an accidental genius! SOLVED.
- Well-rested: the first and best well.
- What do I need? What do I want?
- Sweet blissful steadiness.
- Things that need to exit now exit gracefully.
- Things that need to come in now are received with love.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Sustainability. Shelter. Focus. Plenty. Safety. Transition. Support. Flow.
And the superpower of eventually this level of the video game is going to be pleasurable for me, so why not start smiling now.
I ask for this one every week, but not bored of it yet: Seeing the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
It just can.
I’m playing with…
Asking for help. Giving myself permission to be a bit of a stressball, because you know what? This situation is actually super challenging, and however I react to it makes sense. Going to bed as early as possible.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Okay, last week..
Last week’s ask had to do with making peace (or peach) with being a HSP, and living with extreme sensitivities.
I got a lot of opportunities to practice this week, and that was hard but also good. So basically: I’m learning a lot.
And I am feeling good about everything that has been planted. Additionally my wishes to sleep like a happy baby and to show Tino beautiful pieces of Portland both came true in surprisingly magical ways.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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o <- pebble
I’m reading Trucked and I’m all Yay, Trucks and then it turns out to mean you’re not feeling like you’ve made progress or at least that you haven’t made enough progress…
I love the acrostic for Truck: Trust, receive, undo, create keys. Yes, those are what it takes to make progress on my TTDs and TBDs. Even on TOT, which is a monster iguana that has actually been ignoring me for weeks now.
Thank you for the reminder about trusting your (my) process and that caring for your internal kingdom is the real work.
My internal kingdom needs me to fill All the Wells.
I’m also asking for iguana-free finances (progress already on this! Yay, MrB!)
I ask for help (from MrB, preferably) about Project Terror.
And my assistant of extreme awesomeness wants some business drag. Maybe J has some that she will give me, or I can find some in the thrift store, or maybe I will come across them at P’s when I’m looking for something else.
I want to Output the Input.
I want Porch Time and Treehouse Time.
I want to Get Grounded in the SG.
I need to do Step One for Project HEFT; agent G will do the rest. But I need to Step One right away. Like Monday morning, early. Which means getting up.
I also want Access 1 and Access 2. I already know how to do Access 1 but I need to learn to do Access 2. And then I have to do them.
I have lots of wants this week and none of them are new.
How this could work is: I could get a different perspective on them, so I can see what needs to be done and do it without getting all in my stuff.
It could just all work smoothly.
I could remember to take care of myself and not stress about any of this. And that there are people who can help with all of this. Maybe I first need to find a helpful person who can help me find those helpful people. It may be enough to just know that they exist.
Sending positive energy to everyone’s VPAs.
I am sending warm and glowy wishes to you, Havi, and to everyone who is Visioning this week.
My focus right now is on navigating my birthday, and our annual big house party this coming weekend, without falling into some of the patterns that have tangled me up in the past. (I like the double meaning of that last phrase; it resonates.)
With so much going on, I want to keep my focus simple. I will remember my chosen superpower for the week: being cool and smooth. Just the sound of those words is comforting. I am a beautiful stone, polished by the currents, riding the tides. Cool and smooth.
Feelings: “They are clues about truth, and they are also distortions of truth.” That is the answer I was looking for! Because it is the month of “And.”
And how Getting Things Done is really about trusting that I can take care of myself. Well, it’s both. And!
Yay, rhymes.
Also, yay for “how can this work? It just can.” Some days things work and I can’t explain why. So why not rest into that potential miracle. Today could be that miracle where all the And can happen. Well, And is about two things usually. I just need two things to happen.
What I want:
To get to the bottom of the issue. Find out what the issue is. Find the pattern. Find simple solutions.
Havi, is it OK to quote your uncle Svevo online? I love that saying about the ROI on worry!
Good wishes and thanks!
Sending warm wishes for people’s visions. And also to say I love the new Captcha.
Sometimes I forget that not every place is like this place. And I share things that need a “there there” or a “that trucks” and instead I get “your feelings about this situation are incorrect, you should feel these ones instead since that will prevent me from having to have any feelings.” And then I just feel worse because not only did i not get the thing, I don’t even feel the right emotion about it!
What I Want:
To remember that different people and places are capable of holding different things. I think I tried to put a cactus in a really thin plastic bag, which is silly because then it broke through and spilled dirt and its pointy things hurt me. So, I’m bringing my cactus here, where I can just put it down, and maybe put some decorative rocks around it so no one trips on it.
And all the wants from before.
What I want:
To be done with the thing.
To listen to and articulate my real questions.
Graceful side-stepping around the self-consciousness about not having the right questions.
Release: of shoulders, project, expectations, news.
Qualities:
Release + Curiosity + Presence + Flow
Grace + Courage + Delight + Comfort
….. Last Week’s Achievement of the Week:
* That’s a toughie. So much I didn’t do. (But that’s beside the point.) Saturday was chock-full of hard and scary and exhausting. I did use the UCM [haven’t thought of a good metaphor for that yet]. But I made it through without screaming at anyone or crashing the car. So: yay me!
…..What I Want For This Week:
* I’m tempted to say “everything from last week”, but my gut says that’s just too much.
* Pushing forward last week didn’t work, so I’ll try taking Body’s advice and going backwards instead: back to basics. Aside from the essentials, No. 1 Priority will be: SLEEP. That’s all. Anything else is a bonus.
…..Ways I Could Make It Happen:
* Sleep!
* Breathe.
* Embrace simplicity.
* Be OK. Just be.
* Embrace the qualities of Fractal Flowers.
Helpers I’ll Call On:
* The Husbandy One: I’ll ask him to remind me about how much I enjoy spending time in Sleepyland when I forget.
* The Husbandy One and the Nice Helping-Man in tandem: all this faffing on about pieces of paper is not bad, it’s actually an essential piece of the FMSHAP puzzle. Which is the thing I want more than anything else right now! That Husbandy One is currently taking the lead on getting that organised is an utter blessing.
* Assertiveness Course Lady. What a wise lady she was to make us write notes yesterday. I can read them whenever I want to re-live Course Lady’s wise advice.
…..Superpower I’ll Use:
* the superpower of remembering that not-resisting is OK.
Happy VPAs to everyone!
I love that Captcha too. I wish more people – no, everyone! – used it!
“the ROI on worry is traditionally pretty low.”
I read this and I laughed hysterically for like 5 minutes and then started crying.
why isn’t Svevo EVERYONE’s uncle?
What I want this week:
1) the knowing of “answers are there” (even if you don’t know what they are yet, even if they’re unknowable now, even if you hate that you don’t know them now, even if it’s incredibly hard, if not straight up impossible, to trust that they’re there, even if I have crazy fears about the process of getting to the answers eventually.)
Oh answers!
Sweet, sweet answers. To all the burning questions.
What do I know about answers? What have I learned about answers?
That, when you do find them, they point you back to… you.
That they are sweet. (If it’s not sweet, it’s not an answer.)
That it’s usually Not What I Think It Is, or Not What I Want It To Be.
Oh! And this! What the answers end up being is none of my business.
What is my business? Do today. Feel what I feel today. Be a faithful and steady lover of this moment and this day.
Sweet answers, I know you’re there.
May I find out more about you this week. More about answers. Let me give legitimacy to all the ways in which I’m sad and scared and frustrated about not having them yet.
And my relationship to questions too! Maybe they don’t have to be burning. Maybe they can be kindling. Maybe they can be like a soft and gentle nudge, which actually feels like a massage, pointing me towards the truth.
What might help?
Breathing.
Writing.
Taking the time.
Going on explorations. Expeditions.
Telling different stories.
Drawing pictures instead of telling stories.
Dancing the dance instead of telling stories.
EVERYTHING BACKWARD.
Widdershins!
Oooooh. LOVE.
Now whenever I think I am trucked, I can know that I am
Fueled. Uncanny. Calm. And knowing.
Oh, I love this so much!
Breathing. Releasing. This not mine. Neither is that. It isn’t my job to do [x]. Wearing the crown.
Spending as much time as possible in the secret hideout.
Patience.
Sending some wild rose petals from the island….