Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
My weekly practice: writing these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to get clear on what I want, even when saying it is uncomfortable.
I invariably discover useful things about my relationship with both a) what I want, and b) wanting. Join in if you like….
It is known that I am not in favor of using acronyms (unless they are silly and you can make fun words out of them and they are for your own use).
This one is too much fun, and it is just for me, and it is absurd. Therefore I approve it. And I will not expect you to remember what it means.
I have an announcement.
And I am going to try to sneak it in somewhere in this post.
Operation SHBOTW.
I dearly want a writing retreat.
Not to go on a retreat. To go off on my own, be alone, and write. Not in problem-solving mode. Me and the notebook.
This feels like an absolutely ridiculous thing to ask for, given the urgent Situation At Hand and the current State of Affairs, and the Big Crisis that needs to be solved.
But it is what I want, and I am planting it.
I am calling it Operation Ship Havi Bell Off To Write, or: SHBOTW
It’s pronounced like fatwah: sh’batwah!
It is fun to say.
And I want it I want it I want it I want it so badly.
But in order for it to even be a possibility, I first need to take care of monies for the Situation before I can even think about this. Which means Operation Save Our Ship, Operation Siegfried the Magic Otter, Operation Alphabet Buttmonster Carousel, and Operation Wall of Squoosh all need my attention. So that’s pretty overwhelming.
Anyway, this is what I want.
What do I know about this?
It is too much to think when so much is going on. I have the biggest monsters about every aspect of this.
So the real thing that needs to happen is for me to believe that this is a legitimate want to want.
This means: talking it out with the monsters, and coming up with an OOD. This might need to happen in secret agent code, and I think a proxy would help too.
Themes and qualities inside of the wants?
Ease. Spaciousness. Presence. Turning Inward. Grounding. Play. Receptivity. Glow.
And the superpower or sankalpa of Everything Is Working Out Perfectly and I Can See The Good.
What might help?
Writing. Just writing about this. Asking more questions. Being curious. Rolling around on the floor. Conducting. Being in the compass.
What else might help?
Keep up the Divertissement, and trust that it is a fractal flower for this.
But mainly I think this is about fear, and the best way for me to meet fear is with legitimacy and kindness.
I’m playing with…
What if it is okay to want what I want? What if it is okay to want the essence of it? What if there are all kinds of ways that I can connect to the essence?
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- REJOICING for the long-awaited website redesign (have you seen it?!).
- A new solution for ear plugs. The one I found works but is inelegant. Bond Girl wants a secret compartment.
- Heinzelmännchen Wrecking Crew! This is my cover story for a new project, and it is really helping.
- Finish the stompy rewrites.
- Be brave enough to tell the story that is not the story.
- Maybe I will write about Operation Resilience or Toldot. Which is funny because Operation Resilience is the Toldot of Havi Bell.
- Infinite Booty Shakes! Thanks, Chloe
- What do we know about the City of Vista? This is both a proxy and not, you are welcome to share things.
- I am celebrating SIX MONTHS of silence, and ONE YEAR of being a bell. Except I don’t know how to celebrate either of them, other than laughing hysterically. I would like a ritual to reveal itself.
- Oh, more of this, please. Joyful sleep for Havi Bell.
- Ticking off boxes on the Grand Spiral Caper Divertissement in the secret location.
- Intention. Everything is working out perfectly. I see the good everywhere, and I appreciate it.
- This is where I live.
- KAROOOOH
- Joyful enthusiasm for the HAT and the carousel! So much excited excitement, please!
- Guess what, YOU GUYS?! I am ready to tell you about the Alphabet Carousel!!! That was the announcement. And the password is what buttmonsters riding an alphabet carousel say: whee
Repeat-wishes
- I rest into miracles, and then THERE THEY ARE.
- I actively choose quiet.
- Left-handed labyrinth.
- Perfect simple solutions, suddenly visible!
- Sound effects for my internal video game.
- Going to the 9&9, even when it isn’t nine or nine.
- Ahahaha I am an accidental genius! SOLVED.
- What do I need? What do I want?
- Sweet blissful steadiness.
- Things that need to exit now exit gracefully.
- Things that need to come in now are received with love.
- Just child’s pose.
- I’m glad it’s happening like this, actually.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Quiet. Confidence. Clarity. Love. Steadiness. Plenty. Trust. Laughter.
And the superpower of I Can Do This, Let’s Make It Happen.
I ask for this one every week, but not bored of it yet: I see the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
It just could.
I can say KAROOOOH! KAROOOOH! I might even sing the britney spears smurfs song to it: will you be my karoooolala?
And I can try remember WHY we are doing this. So that I can a) KAROOOOH and so that I can call Beautiful Bee and tell her that I want to have an adventure again.
I’m playing with…
Seriously, making the chorus of the Britney Spears smurfs song into my Karooooh-la-la anthem.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Okay, last week, aka not exactly that but something to do with it.
Oh man, last-week-me was so amazing and didn’t even know it.
Thanks to her, I now have the Grand Spiral Caper Divertissement (explanation in the Chicken), and I got more done this week than I ever have ever, other than at Rally.
I re-organized the Vault (closet) according to personalities instead of type of clothing. I stopped worrying about the key, I found two temporary solutions for ear plugs, I had joyful sleep and I decorated the HAT! Plus I finished the HAT.
Plus I had a beach day.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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Pssst….. linkage to HAT is taking me to the 404 *wink* *scratches nose*
The trusty robot crew has taken care of it, Claire – thank you! <3
(Reload the page if the link still doesn't seem to work)
Brillig! and blessings.
I’m reminded that “Finishing the Hat” is a song I like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ducG55pfCMQ
So very very very thrilled and excited to have RALLIES to look forward to! I am all lined up and signed up and have fingers crossed for raffle winnings. Wheeeee!
Max! We are going to play SO HARD. I cannot wait to see you again. Mwah!
Havi, I know this is my stuff, but I really found useful the “If this seemed like your thing, you might also like” widget and I miss it (as in cold turkey).
I just really loved going from post to post and being surprised and amazed…
Anyway, I wish you all the best.
I miss it too! It was not at the top of our long list of fixes but apparently it’s back? 🙂
What I want: more confidence in the bus schedules, both literally (I would like to take the bus to my hospital shifts) and figuratively (discerning which buses are not my buses, with less dithering)
Qualities: Reliability. Conservation. Flexibility. Safety. More time to read.
What might help?
* Vacation mind? I enjoy getting around by bus in other cities.
* Remembering that I’m actually pretty good at figuring things out. I’ve taken buses and trains around Israel, France, Switzerland, and other countries foreign to me. Maybe rereading my old travel notes will help revive my those memories + confidence.
What else might help?
* Traveling light.
* Allowing myself enough time to resort to Plans B and C if necessary.
* Remembering that Now is so much better than Then. I just reread an old pre-Prague note that reminded me of how unsupported I felt during a particular situation, on multiple fronts. As frustrated and anxious as I get these days about certain current knotted-up mishegossenagen, I also go to bed happy.
* That I had forgotten just how miserable and angry and helpless I felt about the pre-Prague situation gives me a good deal of hope about not feeling terminally trapped by the current swarm of things that make me want to howl.
I’m playing with: trusting the Me that wants more time for and with things. Including and especially sleep.
What else?
* Gremlin-get-gone for my laptop (missing files WTF?)
* Dermatological solutions (maybe geranium oil?)
* Peachiness
Bouquets of and in applause to the carousel and other marvels, and warm wishes to all y’all.
….. Last Week’s Achievement of the Week:
* I bought a house like a Boss-Level Sovereign House-Buying Princess! [Note: people keep calling me a ‘home-owner’ and that keeps freaking me out. I’ll need to Metaphor-Mouse it. And probably ‘gardening’ and ‘lawn’, too. Funnily enough, I’m fine with ‘moving house’.] Phase 1 of the FMSHAP is complete!
…..What I Want For This Week:
* To prepare for FMSHAP Phase 2 (moving house) with efficiency and calm. As I said to the Husbandy One this morning, “this is the part I’ve done before! This is the part I’m familiar with!”
* To allow myself to feel the excitement about being a [insert better word/s here] that everyone else is feeling.
* To continue working on the gift-crafts with competency and a sense of yes, I can get it all done simultaneously thanks to my personalised calendar, breathe in, breathe out.
* Do the things I need to do, to look after myself. Make that appointment, go get that test, go claim those claims.
…..Ways I Could Make It Happen:
* Breathe, get enough sleep, live in my Egg.
* I suddenly remember the vision/dream/fantasy/thing I had at last week’s acupuncture session, where I was drawing big circles with crayon in my art journal. I understand now: I am the Centre. All the things I want and need to do are like ripples and Fractal Flowers radiating from the Centre. The Centre needs to be healthy, well-rested, stable. Not cray-cray. All things emanate from the Centre. Perhaps do some more drawing on this theme.
* Write everything down in my Ralph Plan and/or my Nifty Calendar. Remember that some things need to happen in a certain order, therefore many things can’t happen yet. There’s plenty of time. Practice patience. Ugh, just the word patience makes me impatient. And yet time sneaks by like like a ninja stealing your heart.
* Let my imagination run free and start thinking about all the things I could do to and in my house. Oh, the hutches I could have! * How about ‘Domicillary Princess’?
* Use the Unseen Ninja Skills and the Grown-Up Pants and the Crown of Deserving to get that health stuff done. Each thing done is a building up of the Centre.
* ApartmentCat can crochet like the wind … yarn on the breathing breeze. Maybe she’ll write some haiku, too.
* Or … just … not do anything. It’s Lady Time and it huuuuurts. Or … just … everything, into the pot. (I just discovered this one, and it’s working for me – thank you!)
…..Helpers I’ll Call On:
* The Husbandy One: cos we’re in this together, after all.
* S and B, though they haven’t noticed the Giant Foam Novelty Hand yet.
…..Superpower I’ll Use:
* The superpower of being at the Core and letting everything radiate effortlessly from it.
* The permanent superpower of the Pet Rock. This week he is calm, happy, grounded, solid, content.
Extra special good wishes to Havi, and to everyone!
I live in San Diego and have been to Vista a few times. It’s like an in between city…between the ocean and the mountains.
Sometimes I wish that ‘I don’t fly (except in hot air balloons)’ wasn’t on my Dammit list. Also that I had some money. Never mind! I have some other buses booked and they will be awesome buses.
This week I would like:
– scary decision that is demanding to be made NOW NOW NOW to magically transform into less scary decision that can be made a bit at a time, or possibly make itself without any fuss
– July to move into August while I keep riding this wave all the way until the Thing I Am Doing In July is Done.
– for my weekend at the seaside to be everything a weekend at the seaside should be.
– to talk to the monster that says ‘we do not show our parents our writing’
– yes, we are over this crush
This could work:
– using the Writing Filter (perhaps this is like a coffee filter?)
– doing all the seasidey things (paddling! fish and chips! ice cream!)
– there are cats to play with!
– we are just people who go to the pub together
– keeping the failcard in my head to laugh at
– this is the week that everything unscrambles itself
But, generally, hurrah! and good luck to you and to everyone with all the things!
Coffee with my monsters this morning. Their legs are crossed and they are worried as they stir their coffee and add just a little more sugar. They want to believe that this time things are different. That this job will be the job. But they get their hopes up and then are dashed.
So what do I want?
I have enough no’s piled up that a yes is finally coming.
To feel again the feeling of wanting a second date. And to have the other dater feel it to. At the same time, about me.
To have permanent solutions to things, not bandaids that don’t stick.
To stay awake.
Very exciting announcement! I don’t know if these rallies are the ones I will go to, but I love their artwork and I love carousels (only ride I was not scared of as a child. And also as an adult)! Yay for carousels!
Oh! Your Vault adventure is inspiring, Havi. I’m going to do that too. Am wondering how many personalities will be revealed….
This week:
Thing 1: Energy
I want to do things that increase my energy and stop doing things that decrease it.
Why I want it:
There are many things I want to do and they all take energy. Having enough energy seems to be at the core of being able to do all the things.
How I can do this:
Use what I know.
Experiment and take notes.
I’m playing with:
Water: drinking it, being around it, being in it.
Moving more and sitting less.
Vitamins and supplements.
Napping when I need to.
Using the Miller Stress Diagram.
Thing 2: Moving stuff
I want to move stuff around and out.
Why I want this:
I want to congruence my space.
Ways I can do this:
Call on Agent W for help.
A little at a time.
Say no to things that want to stay where they don’t belong.
Talk with Victoria Carrington and Vica Pota.
I’m playing with:
Doing a sprint.
Dedicated time.
Singing and dancing.
Of course the pirate queen’s operation starts with Ship. Many warm wishes on everything!
My living-in-Bolivia friend just did a letter a day theme for her kids on summer vacation. I wanted to do it too!
This week is my 24th week of Hope and Peace (also on silent retreat). A dozen lovely weeks of each. Now, we are ready for synthesis. And the Hope and Peace will magically dissolve the stuck into ease (with a poof of magic vapor), as I dream up the beauty of August.
Oh, the Carousel looks like so much fun! Maybe this bus is my bus…
Hello week!
The thing I want:
1) Last time I went to do [the Awful Scary thing], I accessed some qualities that made it possible to get through it without completely breaking down. I would like to invoke those qualities again for this week.
Ways this could work:
Force fields, creating a disguise, finding my centre. Metaphor Mouse might also help.
I’ll play with:
Just breathing.
Other things in the pot:
Steady work on the Project.
Progress on unf**king the house, one step at a time.
More puppy play time (with bubbles!)
Finish trimming the hedge please (not a metaphor)
Be a solid support for L, without getting tangled in her stuff.
Summer breezes for everyone’s week 🙂
LOVE THE HAT!!! Totally genius and very exciting. LOOOOOOOOVE the HAT, wheeeeee!!!!! <3 <3 <3
I love the Alphabet Buttmonster Carousel! I am enthusiastic about this! I think it is awesome, beautiful, cool, delightful, elegant, fresh, grand, helpful, intriguing, just, keen, lovely, marvelous, natural, omnipresent, playful, quest-filled, remarkable, satisfying, tender, uplifting, vast, welcoming, xylophonic, yare, and zesty!
(Okay, I’ll admit, “xylophonic” was a bit of a reach, but I like xylophones. I also like buses. Sometimes I ride them and sometimes I don’t, but it feels good knowing they’re there.)
I have so many wantings this week, and they feel very big. For now, I think I’ll just let myself feel them, like sea breezes, and consider how I want to set my sails. <3
Haha! Kathleen! That is the best alphabet ever. ZESTY.
I open to magic. I am open to magic. I am magically open. Magic opens me. I am opening the magic.
White hot faith. White hot faith. White hot faith. White hot faith. White hot faith. White hot faith.
GRIT! Ground down into the earth for the rebound up! Breeeeeathe deeeeep, not to be peaceful and floaty but to be VITAL and ALIVE and JUICED UP and READY.
invoking!
Havi! I have a question.
I really, really want to sign up for the Carousel and will probably do so. My partner and I are thinking of moving to Seattle come next summer, which means I’ll be right around the corner to come to all the latter Rallies. I am excited about this.
I do very much want to know – one of my favorite parts of Rally is Dance of Shiva-ing, and if you are not verbing Rally, will we still dance? Maybe will someone else lead? Or something? I don’t know? But if that is not happening, I need to get some Shiva DVDs or something, because it would be a sad absence for me.
I am excited for you and for Carousel and for all of this. YAY.
There will still be time/space for practice. I’m happy to lead if no one else wants to, or we can invent a new way of practicing. I am open to whatever ideas people bring.
TAYLOR IN SEATTLE! How did I miss that part? That will be SO MUCH FUN. Yay yay triple yay
Havi writing about wanting… and about wanting to have an adventure? It’s not like I just blogged about this or anything!
OK, this will be a ludicrously impossible want, but… If there was any way at all that 26 people from around the world got together to buy a Rally each… Then maybe, just maybe I could afford it. And that would be the most amazing thing.
So I’m planting the wish here. *pats ground with love*
I mentioned to an acquaintance that I am tired *all the time* even though I’ve been sleeping 12-14 hours a night. She suggested taking coconut oil and said it’s helped her a lot. So I bought some a few days ago. But I’m having trouble figuring out what to put it in that won’t just be ooky. I’m vegan. I’m not used to food being really oily.
So I’m looking for suggestions of vegan food to mix coconut oil into that will be tasty and not just oily and weird.
Riin, I was listening to Jack Bishop and Bridget Lancaster being interviewed on Fresh Air earlier today, and they were happily talking about coconut oil being the key ingredient for chocolate shell. I imagine it might work on frozen fruit as well as vegan ice creams…?
http://www.nanaclareskitchen.com/2012/08/11/hard-shell-magic-chocolate-sauce/
It actually disappears into smoothies very well!
Other suggestions: lentils! Soups! Stir-frys! Coconut oil can be used pretty much anywhere you would use olive oil or butter, so also: baked goods, pancakes, and (weird but true) coffee.
Rally.
Rally rally rally.
I can have all of the rallies, this will be epic. <3
(I went on a vacation and it felt like Rally.)
Reminded me that my Vault (although not completely functional yet) is organized by home-me, work-me, fancy-times-me. Sometimes I wish home-me and work-me were the same person. What if the having different identities — with different costumes — is precisely what I need more of?