Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
My weekly practice: writing these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to get clear on what I want, even when saying it is uncomfortable.
I invariably discover useful things about my relationship with both a) what I want, and b) wanting. Join in if you like….
Wow. So. I got [something]-ed this weekend, in two different ways, and there is a lot of emotion about that. Two pretty unpleasant things happened, and this has thrown me for a loop and a half.
So it’s taken me a while to get here this week.
I’m going to use the “something to do with” format from a couple weeks ago.
And I am sitting with my wishes like I would with a scared cat. Gentleness. Patience.
Let’s see what can happen with gentleness and patience.
Something to do with rewriting this perception of being ambushed.
Ambushed? Sideswiped? Knocked off of something?
Something happens and then I lose my sense of grounding.
The word AMBUSH keeps showing up, and I don’t think it is the truth of what is happening, but it does accurately describe how I am perceiving both situations. So I want to look at that and investigate.
I want to respect the perception of scared-me that things/people/situations are against her, and at the same time I want to open up some room for remembering that everything that is against me is an illusion.
This might require the help of metaphor mouse.
Something about Sustenance and Synthesis.
These are the two qualities that I am working with (playing with!) this week.
I want to learn more about how they are related, and how I can use one to help with the other.
And I want these to be a healing.
Something about incidents versus trends.
When I had the sudden mysterious wine allergy (not a wine allergy!), a fellow agent said something that my imaginary wine therapist had also pointed out.
What if this is an isolated occurrence and not a trend?
I would like the spaciousness that comes with not assuming trend.
What happens when I let one [happening] be just that? And not jump into trying to problem-solve for a new way that things are?
That’s what I’m planting.
Something about finding the treasure.
Including in the Worst Meeting Ever, including in the ambush, including in the thing that happened on the way to dance class.
Not negating the pain of the experience. Not forcing myself to “count blessings” or find silver linings. Letting the hard be hard. Giving myself full permission to not like the experience.
And still receiving the treasure.
Interestingly, when I went to the park to skip stones, the card I drew was “Where is the treasure?”.
So. Where is the treasure? I am going to turn inward and be a bell of treasure and treasuring. And I am going to treasure the me who went through these experiences.
Themes and qualities inside of the wants?
Spaciousness. Sustenance. Synthesis. Sovereignty. Safety. Source. Smiling. Sensuality.
Not sure what’s up with the alliteration, but that’s what is here.
My little brother’s favorite S-word was SNAKE, speaking of S-words that are not S-words, so I will also throw in something about scales and the shedding of a skin when its job is done.
And the superpower or sankalpa of Everything That Is Against Me Is Illusion.
What might help?
I’m sticking with the OODs.
I am not going to meet with anyone ever again unless we have a clear agreement about what the agenda is. No more ambushes.
New route to dance class?
Things that start with S.
What else might help?
Cry. Laugh. Sleep. Dance it out. Write it out. Use the Floop!
I’m playing with…
The idea that this is not a set-back, this is part of right timing. It is a detour, but it is a useful one. What if I pretend this is true? How do my reactions and responses change?
Breathing trust and steadiness.
More time for conscious entry. And maybe a new costume.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Solutions for the Unsolved Monkey Problem. (not a band, or at least: not yet!)
- Keep up the left-handed texting.
- Visit Marlee for tiny little visits.
- CATSUIT?! Say yes.
- A new relationship with the visions.
- Trust, trust and more trust.
- I remember that I am in the sovereignty business, not in the care-taking business.
- On to the next HAT!
- Big progress on Operation Siegfried the Magic Otter.
- I discover what was useful and/or good about [the incidents] and about being derailed for four days, and this information delights me.
- Preparation for Operation Bond And/In/Around Bend.
Repeat-wishes
- I rest into miracles, and then THERE THEY ARE.
- I actively choose quiet.
- Left-handed labyrinth.
- Perfect simple solutions, suddenly visible!
- Sound effects for my internal video game.
- Going to the 9&9, even when it isn’t nine or nine.
- Ahahaha I am an accidental genius! SOLVED.
- What do I need? What do I want?
- Sweet blissful steadiness.
- Things that need to exit now exit gracefully.
- Things that need to come in now are received with love.
- Just child’s pose.
- I’m glad it’s happening like this, actually.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Trust. Presence. Ground. Undoing. Closing Circles. Comfort. Flow. Laughter.
And the superpower of I Have Everything I Need For This Mission.
I ask for this one every week, but not bored of it yet: I see the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
It just could.
I’m playing with…
Walking until I feel like something has moved. Napping. Quiet. Adding on layers of protection.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Okay, last week, aka there’s got to be a better rhyme for that.
Last week I had an audacious wish about Operation Ship Havi Bell Off To Write (SHBOTW!), and I actually made progress towards two small mini-versions of it. So it’s a start, and I am excited about that.
So many things I asked for happened, actually. That is a pleasant surprise, because in my mind this past week was a total loss. But that’s just because of what happened this weekend that erased all the good things in my memory. So thank you, last-week-me, and thank you, Very Personal Ads, for reminding me that actually things are moving.
The Heinzelmännchen Wrecking Crew was a huge help. I finished ALL the Stompy rewrites. There was great rejoicing for the website redesign. There was big time KAROOOOH.
I found the perfect way to celebrate a year of being a bell. And as for six months of silence, I am laughing happily about all the aspects of silence.
And! I told everyone about the Alphabet Carousel! <-- The password is whee
Now I just need to extend the deadline for First Sail Days, because my plan had been to spend the weekend writing about it, and that did not happen, because of the two-kinds-of-ambushed. It was a lot of week this week, for sure.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
{ { { { h a v i } } } }
Gwishes for the week, asking as if I have fairywitch godmother angels granting me gwishes through the use of my own hands.
– Operation Catch Up, fwooooge progress please!
– Operation Launder Nouvelle, consistency and steadfastness please!
– Actually This is Surprisingly Easy, please!
– Access to Gratitude and Courage, please! (Holy Faith, Batman!)
– Operation Stay The Course, even when the whirlwind blows in. Engines and Anchors, please!
– Yes, it would be fun, but I’m still choosing this other thing, (which is also fun!) (Holy Faith, Batman!)
– Operation Tap That Shit, Operation Bedrock and Operation Sleep Now: remembering I’m assigned to these missions!
– Operation Optimist: to be a person who doesn’t see a step back after a step forward as a disaster, but more like a cha-cha!! Oh riiiiight, this is the CHOREOGRAPHY, pay attention, love harder. Please!
*fairy dust*
….. Last Week’s Achievement of the Week:
* I’m just gonna throw it all in the pot and say it was my all-round handling of everything life threw at me (and at my friends). And also, the two or three sparkly moments when I realised and noticed what I was doing to myself. A seed of calm and compassion began to germinate. That was pretty cool.
…..What I Want For This Week:
* To cross off all of the red circles (or at least the REALLY important, essential ones), with calm and a sense of competence.
* Again, gift craft.
* To take care of myself while doing all this.
…..Ways I Could Make It Happen:
* Sleep; breathe; write everything down. (Maybe I’ll just make these semi-permanent…)
* Wear the crown of the Domicillary Princess with sovereignty and entitlement. Remember that with great power comes great responsiblity. And with that responsibility sometimes comes the need to make phone calls. But that’s OK because I’m also the Unseen Ninja! Plus it’s infinitely better than Option A.
* Again, ApartmentCat can deal with anything creative brilliantly, you know that. Taken care of.
* Don’t know about that last one. I’m having trouble working it out. I’d like to go Spelunking and see what I can find, but the Goblins keep saying I don’t have *time* for spelunking, you’re moving house, remember, estupido?? You don’t have *time* to go to the doctor. You don’t have *time* to go refill your water bottle. (Ugh, seriously, Goblins??) Thinking about Fractal Flowers seems to help with this one.
…..Helpers I’ll Call On:
* Hm. Using the Giant Novelty Foam Hand to ask my friends for help last week didn’t work out how I hoped it would, so I’m going with Plan B: just bloody-well pay a lovely tradesperson to do it.
…..Superpower I’ll Use:
* The superpower of being of service to myself. Of being everything, of being nothing, of just being.
* The permanent superpower of the Pet Rock. He is calm and happy and rests on those documents with grace and ease.
…..BONUS Yeah Moment:
* I was packing my delicate ornaments, and worrying about if they might break during the move. Then I pictured myself contentedly glueing broken things back together as if it were a new hobby. (I did want to be an archaeologist when I was younger, after all.) I thought to myself, “everything can be fixed.” *Everything*
Happy VPAs to everyone and special positive thoughts to Havi. xx
New Moon VPA, what genius timing!
My gwishes are:
1. Prairie, with all the qualities on my list in my hear in the purple book
2. Operation Spaceship, starts tomorrow and is full of ease, progress, healing, success.
Lots of love to you Havi. Wishing you all the protection from even any tiny hint of an ambush, and all the qualities you need to recover from the hard things of the weekend <3
((Havi))
@Katie: I love everything you just wrote!
For me, the main thing this week is Being Well Rooted. I want to explore what it means and how it helps me and how it frees me.
I am also working on/playing with:
* TOT — still, again
* Ashikaga
* clearing out the piles of paper on my downstairs desk
August is Victoria’s Moon; Victoria is Incoming Me (note: my real name is Vicki), and these Visions will help her come in, making space for her, and strengthening her and using her strength.
*giggles*
For your ongoing language studies Vicki, I will say that “rooting” is another Australian slang for “f*&#ing” and so Operation Well Rooted sounds FANTASTIC to me. May we all be as well rooted as we ever want to be! In every sense!
<3 !!!!! 😉
How funny! I was thinking about stability and connection and nurturance and things like that. Nice to know that it can include *that* form of connection!
The wish list for this week that actually goes until August 21:
Sturdy sovereignty.
Wardrobe clearance.
Time for sewing.
Reconnect to Artemis and find out she was never angry with me and we’ll giggle happily and throw grapes at one another. (Grapes are appropriate for when hanging out with Greek goddesses, no?)
What I’m willing to do consciously to make that happen:
Breathe through my nose.
Listen to the ebb and flow of hunger and satiety, to the best of my ability, and forgive myself when I can’t.
Superpowers/devas/angels/whatevs I’m welcoming help from:
My body is my sanctuary.
Appreciation of the ticked-off boxes.
Fika break.
Invisible giggles.
Yup!
-Something to do with containers. Some are more flexible and movable than others. All are experimental and can change color and shape at any time. Maybe they are bubbles.
Qualities behind the ask:
+support +holding +play +flow +permission +newness
Possibly helpful:
Re-listening to the Time Class.
Putting myself in a new mindset when I find myself following old neural pathways.
Coloring monsters. And/or finding another non-scary way of acknowledging them.
Asking how this connects with various proxies I’m playing with.
-Something to do with writing.
Writing is a proxy and not a proxy. It represents the things that I know are good for me to do, and that I want to have done, but are harder than it seems reasonable to do. (This could be describing so many things that it’s terrifying me, but I am practicing letting it be OK not to fix everything right now, and letting the secret fractal flowers take care of the garden.
Qualities:
+creativity +expression +process +leveling up +slightly future me +replenishment +rhythm +spaciousness +possibility
Things that might be helpful:
Clarifying the order of the slightly future mes, and asking to align with the one who harmonizes with my wavelength best
Rebooting 750words
A chart where I can give myself gold stars
Ask [secret agent] for help
Tiny gwishes for before the new school year:
A really good fix for my neck
Adjusting my body as much as needed
Practicing Teacher-Mode
Scale back on the Doing Too Many Things (fortunately I know which ones)
Return of the Fairy Godmother
A tiny trim? Maybe after the 15th
Find your park and go to it often!
Taking the superpowers of sustenance and synthesis in the form of a lovely tincture. It tastes like flowers and a hint of mint.
I am adopting “Sustenance and Synthesis” as my asks for this week because they are perfect.
“Walking until I feel like something has moved.” This, oh, this please. What a wonderful concept.
Other things in the pot: Shedding, sleeping, synergy and stretching.
*Blows silver bubbles for everyone’s week*
Oh, my. This reminds me of a meeting I attended a few years ago. Ambush WAS the agenda.
SHUDDER.
This VPA also reminds me to ask for more. Keep calm and ask for more; it’s one of my mottoes. Why aren’t I doing that?
Asking now:
– alone time
– ¡Bolivians for Bolivia!
– spectacular success in Hamburg
And the superpower of spectacular forcefields, particularly at the opera tonight.
something to do with money. something to do with trust.
something like content, and something like creation.
i give up…. transform to … i surrender.
F THIS SHIZZLE.
I am thinking this week about Operation Relocation. I want progress on this. I have a step to take, which will take a bit of courage.
What I want is to be able to treat this as a caper, and to have fun with it. Oh yes, and some actual progress would be icing on the cake. I like icing.
Sending love, comfort and fair winds to one and all!
THIS.
>>>>>>>
What if this is an isolated occurrence and not a trend?
I would like the spaciousness that comes with not assuming trend.
>>>>>>>
This is amazing.
Hi, Havi,
First of all, it sounds like this week was really hard, so I’m sending you love.
Second, I just realized you responded to my other question, and yaaayy Shiva Nata and also Seattle!
Third, if extending First Sail days means what I think it does, I am much relieved because I lost my wallet and all my cards this week and have to wait for new ones. Which may mean I can still do First Sail despite this setback! I shall consult the first mate, but I am grateful even while I am sorry it did not go the way you intended originally.
Fourth: love again. Yes. Love. Love and carousels!
I saw a snake recently. And it is a moon of Sanctuary for me. Go S!
Sanctuary, I just realized, is something to do with Synthesis and Sustenance. Hmmm. My sanctuary needs congruencing, but I realize maybe it is even more Synthesis, the blending of what I have and what I want (thing-wise and quality-wise).