Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
My weekly practice: writing these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to get clear on what I want, even when saying it is uncomfortable.
I invariably discover useful things about my relationship with both a) what I want, and b) wanting. Join in if you like….
This week’s wish is complicated. I will have to follow some threads and see where they lead, because I am not sure how I can know what I want about this if I don’t know what it is.
Though who knows, maybe I can.
Maybe this is really about desire. About the (self-granted) permission to want without knowing why, or what the wanting means. Maybe this wish has to do with remembering that fantastic-sounding things are possible, that anything can hold treasure.
Time to explore. What do I want?
Where in the world is San Miguel?
This question makes me laugh because it makes me think of Carmen San Diego, which combines a favorite color and a (secretly) favorite place.
And also because apparently there are endless San Miguels.
So the original question (“Where is San Miguel?”) ends up becoming a new question: Which San Miguel?
And: Why do I need to know about it? Or maybe, also: What do I need to know about it?
San Miguel. San Miguel.
It showed up in a dream.
Did you know? Ever since I went silent, my dreams began to take on aspects of silent retreat as well.
Until they completely transitioned and now I no longer speak in my dreams. That is, I speak the way I do in real life. Through smiling, nodding, scribbling notes, laughing.
My dreams are written now, like my life.
And the dream of San Miguel was all in Hebrew, because it took place in Tel Aviv. I will translate.
The dream about San Miguel.
Ehud and I were at the Shoftim pub. Sitting at the bar. Late afternoon. He was looking at me, eyebrow raised: Nu? So?
I pulled out my notebook: I’ve decided not to keep studying. I’m done.
Ehud: Not to chew? You don’t want to chew?
Me: To STUDY. They don’t even look alike.
Ehud: Your handwriting is a mess.
Me (affectionately): Idiot.
Ehud: So what are you going to do instead?
Me: I don’t know.
Ehud: But this means you’re leaving, right? Where are you going?
Me: San Miguel.
Ehud: Where’s that, South America?
Me (baffled): I guess I’m not sure? Shit. I should probably figure that part out.
Ehud: But you’re really going…
Me: That’s the plan.
Then we both laughed. And then I thought I have go to see [x] and tell him I’m leaving the city, and then I remembered that he is dead, and then my heart was so sad. And I knew even more that San Miguel was the right place for me.
What do I know about this?
- It wasn’t a dream about San Miguel. It was a dream about Tel Aviv. In which San Miguel makes an appearance. As an idea.
- This is the third dream I’ve had about quitting grad school. Even though the last time I even considered grad school was at least a decade ago.
- When I dream something several times in a row: consequences. Consequences? Results. Things move. That’s how I ended up moving to Berlin and San Francisco.
- This is not a repeat-dream, not the same dream. Just the same theme.
- San Miguel might well be a metaphorical place, like Bolivia.
- Hilariously, there is a San Miguel in Bolivia. Real-Bolivia, not metaphorical Bolivia.
- I am NOT moving to Bolivia, by the way. You couldn’t pay me enough to consider it. I’m talking mostly about the metaphorical one, but right now they’re so close in my mind…let’s just say no Bolivia.
- I once had a brief bittersweet love story with someone named Juan Miguel, which is not the same but… free associating is all I’ve got.
- There is a San Miguel in the central coast of California, a place that my former partner in crime and I talk about a lot. And the place Jonathan Stone disappeared to, during the period of the Mysterious Disappearing Stones.
- In the dream, my feeling towards San Miguel was warm and hopeful, despite the fact that I didn’t know anything about it or why I was going there.
What don’t I know?
Um. Everything.
That probably is not true. But my perception right now is of vast unmapped territory, and the sweet call of the road. What the Israeli poet Nathan Alterman called “the melody you tried in vain to neglect”.
So let’s start with San Miguel.
You are welcome, anyone reading, to share any and all things you know about San Miguel! Any San Miguel.
What do I want to happen next?
I am going to use San Miguel as a proxy. A stand-in for all my wishes and dreams.
And investigate.
What would change if I took my sweet San Miguels seriously. If I acted like I was going to follow them?
Themes and qualities inside of the wants?
Trust. Freedom. Wonder. Delight. Safety. Presence. Glowing. Wholeness.
And the superpowers or sankalpa of Anything Is An Adventure and What I Want Is Possible.
What might help?
I’m sticking with the OODs.
I will play on the Floop.
I will talk to Agent Wilkinson about my secret wishes, the ones that I do know something about.
I’m playing with…
There is a version of me who knows. There is a part of me who trusts. There is a me who can take steps without having to know all the details. There is a me who has ALREADY BEEN to San Miguel, and can tell me what I need to know.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- This week is the First Fountain. So. FOUNTAINING.
- WHAT IF WHAT I WANT IS POSSIBLE?! What if I already have aspects of it in ways that I don’t even realize? What if its qualities exist in many possible and accessible forms?
- Keep up the left-handed texting.
- Redo 404?
- More prelaxation!
- Operation Wall of Squoosh. Tiny steps.
- Everything is sorted. SORTED!
- Preparation for Operation Bond And/In/Around Bend.
- I watched Glee and I MAPPED (shh, napped), and woke up with a really big clew that is so big that I can’t process it here because it scares me. Well, it does not scare me. Its (potential) implications scare me. I want to play with this clew.
- UMIIO. Unless Mood/Inclination Indicate Otherwise.
- Toldot.
- Back to AIR(plane) mode. Access Internal Resonance. By putting the phone in airplane mode.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Synthesis. Resonance. Remembering. Releasing. Grounding. Play. Wisdom. Plenty.
And the superpower of Things Resolve Themselves While I Am Not Looking And Then I Laugh For Hours.
I ask for this one every week, but not bored of it yet: I see the secret holiness of everything.
Ways this could work.
It just could.
I’m playing with…
How can quiet solve this?
ANNOUNCEMENT.
The Alphabet Buttmonster Carousel — a pass to as many rallies as you can make it to this year for the cost of a little more than one Rally — IS the most exciting thing and unusual thing I have ever offered. Password: whee
First Sail days (where all the bonuses live) go until August 16th, which is in A FEW DAYS.
I broke all of my rules about pricing resonance in doing this. I went way, way, way below the Lowest Possible Number, because we were in an emergency.
I fully anticipate that each of these Carousel Rallies is going to be even more incredible than regular Rallies, because of a variety of reasons that I will tell you about later. So if you can make it to more-than-one, do this. It’s the best deal we’re ever going to have on this ever. By a lot.
This is THE WEEK where this extremely unusual price is still happening (you can also do nine payments). But after this week, that is no more. I don’t usually give a heads up on these things. This is it. <3
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Okay, last week, aka sustenance and synthesis.
Last week I asked for something about sustenance and synthesis, and that was wonderful, because this past week has been significantly less rocky than the past few months, even though nothing has noticeably improved. My ability to respond with internal peacefulness has improved.
There was an ask about rewriting the perception of AMBUSHED, and that worked really well. I processed the hell out of it on the Floop, and am feeling so much better about all the ambushes.
There was something about Isolated Occurrences, Not Trends. And I was able to remember that the thing that is happening is just the thing that is happening, nothing more.
I wanted to find the treasure in the hard things, and I did. And I wanted big progress on Siegfried the Magic Otter, and that happened. Thank you, last-week-me, and thank you, Very Personal Ads, for making sure that I plant some new seeds now and then.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
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There’s a San Miguel island off the coast of California. The first time I visited I couldn’t believe the beauty…white sand beaches, clear kelp forest waters…thousands of giant coreopsis (like a native sunflower) all over the top of the island. Sand dunes… I was soaking in gorgeous natural nectar! It’s also not the easiest place to get to.
Thing was at a certain point not too long ago the island was used by the military to practice ‘bombing’ aim of pilots I guess. Tons of bombs were dropped on this beautiful place, and now it’s part of our Channel Islands national park…but the feeling of what we put someplace of such beauty thru…for what?
And feeling the life in it now! .I felt so plugged into the current of life laying on the beach waiting for our boat. Anyway. That’s one San Miguel. It had been Thru hell and back and was shining like the most beautiful jewel again….after years of healing.
Gwishes into the gwishing gwell for this week….
* I want to eat many, many almonds. Munch, munch, munch.
* I want to remember that I’m am assigned to Operations Tap That Shit, Bedrock, and Sleep Now. Reminders!
* Clews for Operation Evolving Nine – my needs are valid, meeting my needs is important (*littlesob*)
* Lots of pompoms.
I’ll play with:
– chicken board at floop
– post-it notes (this is MY house dammit!! I’m allowed to be weird in my own house!!)
– every wattle blossom is a tiny pompom. The trees are ablaze with pompoms.
– engaging Agent P in support of Evolving Nine mission.
Love to all.
xxxx
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Michael
my hunch is that San Miguel is a metaphor or a disguise for the archangel Michael the protector.
San Miguel … love, love, love. Bulerías de San Miguel are one of my favorite types of bulerías, or just my favorite and that’s that. (bulerías = type of flamenco song & style of dance) Anyway, they come from el Barrio San Miguel in Jerez, Spain, a famous historical flamenco neighborhood. When I take groups to Spain to study we stay in apartments in San Miguel and take classes in a flamenco peña (club) in the barrio. It is where Lola Flores, La Paquera, Manuel Torre and lots of famous flamencos are from. It is where Mercedes Ruiz, one of my favorite dancers has her studio. Ok, that’s something I know about San Miguel.
Havi, the qualities you list always suggest new ways for me to look at my own wants. This time, I was struck by the quality of Wonder, and wondered how I could bring a sense of wonder to what I am doing this week. Wonder that isn’t just wondering how things are going to work out.
This week, I want STRUCTURE. I want time structures and space structures and I want containers for things that haven’t been contained.
Structure: the arrangement of and relations between the parts or elements of something complex.
Container: an object that can be used to hold or transport something.
Containment: the action of keeping something harmful under control or within limits.
Also I am working on an OOD about Victoria’s Moon, and I want clarity around that.
Other things: Operation It’s In The Cards and the Recovery of the Butler (not that I can do anything about the Recovery, this is an ask from me to the Universe). Also I have to buy the new washing machine this week and I really want that to go well. (Please send good energy my way for that!)
What I’ll do: I’ll play with the tools and try to find ways to infuse wonder into every aspect of the week. Somehow. I think it will transform everything.
Good wishes to all.
“San Miguel” is a brand of beer in Spain. People ask for it at the bar, like “a San Miguel please”.
Oh, and their slogan is “San Miguel… wherever it goes, it triumphs”.
While stalking the archives last week, I noticed a reference to grad school in the Destuckification 101 post. Maybe a clew?
San Miguel makes me think of Spain and churches. Spain has quite a few neighborhoods and churches with that name. Oh, and there’s the San Miguel mission in Santa Fe.
San Miguel Regla is a beautiful place in Mexico. there’s not much to do, but I liked it when I went there, like 10 years ago. It’s a colonial city.
And I’m sure it’s not the only Mexican San Miguel. 🙂
There’s a San Miguel de Allende in Central Mexico. I stayed there for a month in high school. It is beautiful, and a haven for expat Europeans and North Americans. It’s a UNESCO heritage site and filled with amazing architecture and art. Tons of writers & artists – just an all around great expat community.
Apparently, San Miguel is also a music festival http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGQGaPzS3ZA
And there’s plenty of places called “San Miguel” in Mexico, if you decide to visit 🙂
There was a Fort San Miguel, a Spanish military fort built in 1879, on the coast on Nootka Sound, Vancouver Island. It was built to protect the fist Spanish settlement in British Columbia, but now only a couple bricks are left from the fortification…so possibly not the San Miguel you’re looking for Havi 🙂
Feeling really stuck around VPAs this week. So I’m going to plant some very small gwishing seeds and leave them tucked in the soil.
I’m wishing for more Sustenance and Synthesis.
I’m wishing for small love tokens and tiny kind gestures.
I’m wishing for whatever comes before the foundations (upon which energy and confidence and all the other vital pillars of my life are built) are created. So, digging the holes for the foundation? Yes. I’m asking for digging in the earth. Metaphorically, but possibly literally as well. Gardening, sandcastles, playing with stones on the beach, planting the tree.
Good luck in your search for San Miguels everywhere!
Progress report, week that started a week ago and goes for another week:
+ Sturdy sovereignty. YUP YUP (this means wham boom but we’re continuing to keep this very close)
+ Wardrobe clearance. WHAM BOOM
+ Time for sewing. This may happen on Wednesday??
+ Reconnect to Artemis. YAY TRUCKS! I realized I had a gift certificate for a private lesson with the best yoga teacher in Sweden. Next step: inspect the Cave of Force. Thursday? No, next Tuesday is probably better.
Wishes I want to add:
+ Playbook of Culture and Systems of the Balloons
+ Picking dailies. I want a flourishing bouquet of dailies, please! I want to imbibe the bouquet of the dailies!
Calling on help from Flow, Renewal, Trust.
@VickiB: May the washing machine acquisition go well!
Not much progress on my specific VPAs, but unexpected answers and clews. I’ll roll with them.
I’m playing with sending wishes for ease into the universe (sparked in part by the episode I recorded this morning for the Talking Library, where the narrator had just encountered a nasty block and talks about how she so desperately wanted things just to be easy for a couple of days. This struck a chord with me). Wishing ease toward the businesses I interact with that are struggling with flow. Wishing ease for friends hampered by physical and mental illness. Wishing ease for first responders and follow-uppers and caretakers and their patients. Wishing ease for people caught in traffic and queues and mazes. Wishing ease for the students starting out. Wishing ease to the burned out. Wishing ease to the clueless and the angry and the desperate and the lonely and the haunted. For just a couple of days, universe, please let things be easier for everyone in any way connected to me. It has been so dark in so many corners and yet you keep sending me clews in the shape of keys and bridges. Let the keys turn and the hinges squeak and the bridges stretch to solid ground, universe. Give us the breathing space to delight breathlessly in the shooting stars (the book had a llama named Shooting Star — coincidence?) and midsummer lanterns and other lights.
Into the pot:
* For [l] to sort out without more arrghing on my part.
* Illustration mojo, you’re up!
* Boots. For ridges, docks, and dancing. Perhaps more than one pair of boots will be called for.
Warm wishes to all y’all, and bouquets, too!
Ooooh, San Miguel. This is rather exciting!
To me, “San Miguel” always means San Miguel de Allende. It is landlocked, but beautiful and magnetic.
I have not been there. But one thing I know about it is that it has lots of mysterious and sexy doorways. Here’s an example: http://discoveringice.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Blue-door-San-Miguel-de-Allende-Mexico-.jpg
I am curious about San Miguel!
Into the pot: Hope. Ease. Lightness. Fresh energy.
I’m playing with…Gratitude for the things that don’t suck. There are a *lot* of them. I am open, and I am noticing.
I’m wishing for energy. A will to do.
I’m wishing for calm as a storm approaches next week that I can neither control or contain.
I’m wishing for permission to be okay in my body for today. (And maybe next week or so…I hope that’s not asking too much!)
And I’m enjoying reading over your site. I just discovered it this week while searching for information on yoga nidra. I think I was supposed to find this. Because it arrived at the moment I could use it. Thank you.
Last night I dreamt I had a plexiglass cube filled with water in the center of my living room, growing long pretty grasses. Then the weight of the water started to bow the sides, so I had to empty it with two pitchers, and the grasses and plants got all jumbled up.
Then today I wrote about Damien Hirst… .who has a shark in a tank in his art. I wonder if it’s connected to my dream, that I was thinking about his art.
Like, how is my tank holding up? I want more *life* in my living. See?
Vanessa, I share your wishing for a will to do.
Here’s a random connection to San Miguel: Michael, Mikey, the picky kid in the old cereal commercial who surprisingly likes it! Maybe it’s a clew (for me, at least) to just like it! Even if I am normally picky.
Things didn’t get clearer physically and yet I am waking up with a little more emotional clarity, as if the haze around the dreaded project was breaking up. And it doesn’t matter that the dread seems silly. Today’s hope may be equally unfounded. And yet, the hope radiates so brightly that it eclipses yesterday’s dread.
Sands are shifting. More, please.
Mika sings a song that turned out to be an ad for that San Miguel beer. The lyrics are:
Mika – Live Your Life Lyrics
You’ve got the whole world in your pocket
But you just don’t know
Everybody’s smilin’ at you everywhere you go
It’s like you’ve got that secret
Everybody else wants to know
Oh yeah
Anywhere you are is just like home to you
From the beaches in Manila
Down to Katmandu
Yeah you’ve got that secret
Everybody else wants to know
And you won’t ever let it go oh
Everybody wanna hold your hand
Everybody wanna shine that bright
Everybody wanna say they can
Everybody wanna live your life
Everybody wanna talk like you
Only wanna do the things you do
‘Cause they always gonna turn out right
Everybody wanna live your life
We take a whole room full of strangers
And we make them friends
We do it all around the world
Just so it never ends
It don’t matter where we’re coming from or going to
You’re the only one that ever turns a grey sky blue
And everybody needs a friend like you
Everybody wanna hold your hand
Everybody wanna shine that bright
Everybody wanna say they can
Everybody wanna live your life
Everybody wanna talk like you
Only wanna do the things you do
‘Cause they always gonna turn out right
Everybody wanna live your life
SOMOS CIUDADANOS DEL MUNDO, ASI
YO SIEMPRE A TU LADO Y TÚ JUNTO A MI
EL MUNDO ESTÁ EN TUS MANOS, NO LO SABES YA
COMO UN DIAMANTE SIEMPRE BRILLARA
Everybody wanna hold your hand
Everybody wanna shine that bright
Everybody wanna say they can
Everybody wanna live your life
Everybody wanna talk like you
Only wanna do the things you do
‘Cause they always gonna turn out right
Everybody wanna live your life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qgs032SbjZs&feature=youtube_gdata_player
havi chavivi–i thought, maybe you’re calling out to st. michael? perhaps? so i looked into it. michael=mi kh’El in Hebrew. As a character from Tanakh, he’s mentioned in the Book of Daniel, and has come to represent an intermediary and a defender between G-d and the people.
As an archangel, he was first seen as a healing energy and then as a protector and defender.
Maybe it’s not where, but who?