Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Operation Jewel Star
The situation. And background.
Operation Jewel Star is two weeks that I am taking for myself for the purposes of replenishing, resting and writing.
This scares me a bit, for a variety of reasons, including:
- There is so much to be done right now.
- I am so completely overcooked.
- The monster collective knows that when I return I will not put up with working the way I have been working this summer.
What else do I know about Operation Jewel Star?
That word purpose is important. It has a purpose, a very specific reason for being, and everything that doesn’t fit with that purpose isn’t going to work.
That’s why I lost my notes for the project. Operation Jewel Star doesn’t want that project.
Here is what Operation Jewel Star is for, Havi Bell:
- emergency replenishing
- get back to being a bell
- believe in your heart that the above two (interrelated!) items of replenishing and bell-ness are both the point and the way, not what you are working towards eventually having, or what you get to do when you’re done.
- become a jewel and a star (that is: become friends with the qualities of jewels and stars)
- get to know Kishufit (the newest Incoming Havi who just showed up this week, and integrate her superpowers
- smell things and enjoy scent in various forms
- naps as portalbridges to healing
- be an ally of spaces
- make things easier for you (hint: first you need to believe this is okay)
- to experience this as the Last Time you take time like this because you are at your edge, from now on you take this time because it feeds you!
Anything else?
There are clues everywhere, so get quiet (quieter!) and pay attention.
Nothing is wrong.
Be flexible.
Play.
Anything else?
Yes, I want to add a thing about Kishufit.
If you speak Hebrew, you’re probably thinking: “Kishufit? She sounds a little witchy!”, and now we have to giggle because that is a pun. A little witchy! Actually, that’s not how she spells it (ha, spells, another pun), but yes: she is a little witchy. Just the tiniest bit.
So I am going to do Ever So Slightly Witchy things during these two weeks, and I don’t know what they are, but it will be playful and probably involve lots of Gwish Scripting, which is a thing I have taught at Rally.
And I will whisper-breathe my favorite sentence: All Doors Open For Me. This sentence is extra-fun if you are in an airport or somewhere with automatic doors, because then you laugh every time it comes true.
What I want.
To take PLEASURE in this time I am taking for myself. That verb. So hot. Taking. Pleasure.
To trust in the fractal flowers. Somehow, some way, the work things that need to get done while I’m gone REJOICE over hopefulness and possibility.
To take beautiful deep breaths of APPRECIATION. For me from last week who pulled so many strings to make this happen for me-now. For incoming me and all the incoming Havi Bells who love me and are waiting for me to find my way to them.
Right now I am also feeling overwhelming appreciation and gratitude for the thoughtful, creative, good-hearted people that have come into my world through having this website.
I hope you know how full of love my heart is for all of you, everyone who reads and everyone who is a part of this in any shape and form. This space is exquisitely safe, steady and miraculous, and that is not just because of me, it is because of the people who come here and how they are when they are here.
So I want to stay connected to that sense of grounded appreciation and trust.
The qualities inside of the wants:
Replenishing. Play. Presence. Pleasure. Plenty. Radiance. Receptivity. Resonance.
And the superpowers of all the flowers bloom in the right way at the right time because that is how flowers work, and I am able to appreciate each bloom and the timing of it all.
What might help?
Talking to Kishufit. Interviewing her. Skipping stones.
Being Lady Bond. Bringing the glamour. And the secret holiness of glamour.
Operation Jewel Star is sparkling. Let’s fill up on sparkliness.
This reminds me of a breathing exercise I used to do with Tal in Tel Aviv when we were both trying to quit smoking. Sparkling glowing shiny breath, filling us up with sparkle. Sparklebreath.
Yes. Eight breaths of sparkle-breathing.
What I want.
Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Sweet blissful steadiness.
- Miracles everywhere.
- The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
- Past me is a GENIUS.
- Tashlich.
- Sustenance.
- A beautiful Rosh HaShana that is exactly what I need. Wishing a chag sameach and shana tova u’metuka to everyone here. May it be a sweet, healthy, happy new year.
- Newness. Vitality. Sustenance. Peacefulness.
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
- Hawaii.
- Next year’s Rallies fill up by themselves even though I’m not around to tell people about them!
- I can see why this moment is good.
- The superpower of pausing to breathe.
I’m playing with…
Mapping and napping.
Announcement!
We have a few openings for individual Rallies this year. You can also get a great deal on a set of either two or three Rallies. They are going to be amazing, and I can’t wait to play with you at Rally.
See the new Rally page for details!
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka If X is Possible….
Super interesting. I actually took two steps towards figuring out if Z is possible (the one thing that is not-at-all working).
And I made these two weeks of replenishing-running-away time happen, something I did not at all believe was possible in any way at all.
A number of other unlikely things happened this week, including a bunch of unexpected changes in Hoppy House and with the ballroom, changes that feel exciting.
Huh. Silent retreat on the rest for now.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Follow
What I want: a more satisfying handle on portion control. Both food-wise and other-stuff-wise.
Situation and background: it is the week before a major deadline. I am noticing how my Sad Stories about scarcity and sacrifice are kicking into high gear. How they want me to stock up on candy and soda at the supermarket in case I need to stay up late to get the work done. How they’re warning that I won’t be able to spare time for yoga or hikes if I also want to sleep. And other arias of doooooooom.
What else do I know? Stockpiling is not the answer. It didn’t save my parents and it hasn’t served me well.
Anything else? The weeds and seeds can wait. They really can.
What I want: enough sleep. to be fun to be around. to be around and present where promised/expected/necessary while devoting sufficient time to Le Big Projects and self-care.
Qualities inside of the want: health. sovereignty. equanimity.
What might help?
* permission to keep things uber-simple. There is nothing that would make or break a connection if I don’t get to it this week. (And if it could or does, then that connection was not good for me to begin with.)
* permission to be brief. Not everything requires exposition.
* permission to ignore stuff. It’s not my job to be an expert if I’m not getting paid for it.
* permission to be optimistic. The just-in-case shmattes, the just-in-case Good Clothes, the just-in-case notes and supplies and such — they are taking up so much space!
Progress report: [l] residue dealt with sans fanfare. Points to me for identifying the right moment and m.o.
Warm wishes to all y’all, and may the week and beyond contain all the sweetness (and savoriness, too) you desire.
Hurray for Jewels and Stars and being a Bell. I know you need this two weeks; I am sending all kinds of good thoughts your way for this to be the best two weeks ever!
Last week I wished for help from a couple of sources that did not come through. I did get the inspirations and resources for NR, more comfort with NA, and I made lots of progress on All the Things.
This week, I want to clarify ways and means for the little g’s. I want to make more space for Phoebe, VC and NIM. I want support for my discardian practice.
I want information and assistance about that one thing, before it flares up again.
How I can play with this:
Take the “little g” book to the bookstore.
Use the Pink Book of What Now.
The Bullet Journal. (I don’t like that name; it’s a journal technique that uses bullet points. What did Havi say instead, in German? Oh, Points of Ball. Ballpoint Journal? Hmmm. I need to think about this.)
Interview Phoebe and VC and NIM.
Take them to the cafe.
Hang out with them at the library.
Ask MrB and the B to support me re discardia.
And I want to find a way to make the pre-flare-up prep fun and playful because right now I don’t see any way to do that. Maybe “the girls” will have some ideas?
Warm wishes for everyone’s gwishes.
Maybe helpful, maybe not, but “point” in German is “punkt.” (Hence Blaupunkt, which is Blue Point.) I tend to hear “punk” which for me has associations of freedom, rebellion, creating new forms, doing it my way, and a little bit of rawness to it. Which may or may not be what you’re looking for. The Punk Rock Journal?
Support and sweetness for the gwishes!
Tired of my incoming selves having to clean up old self messes, inviting in the clean minamalist rich cute old lady I would like to be incoming me. Trying to let go of attack thoughts…. Even though I feel like an angry helpless kitten, the attack thoughts only hurt me
Planting lots of love.
What I would like this week:
-Rest and integration
-Only letting the bestest and most shiniest people onto my calendar
-Clarity around next steps
-Support from everyone around my new mission and realizations, even though they are big and scary and kind of “negate” everything I’ve been doing for the past few years.
-A new understanding of what this means. Clarity on what the hell I’ve been doing. A perfectly simple solution of sharing this with people.
-Love, snuggles, physical affection, dance. All the things that make me feel good and at home in my body.
-More information about what’s next! PLEASE!
yes.
Sarah! Hi!
I am doing all kinds of dancing here. Support dance, rally dance, clarity dance, integration dance, and ooooh incoming knowledge dance.
They all involve hip shaking and possibly snake arms here and there, with the occasional shimmy. I’m working on putting them together into an integrated whole, set to “Consider Yourself” from Oliver! Which is hilariously inappropriate and yet somehow works perfectly.
Last week I asked for, among other things, “unearthing patterns and desires and things I love.” Oh boy, did it happen!
I woke up on Sept 1st filled with a bubbly excitement that it was fall. I love fall and everything about it – leaves, pumpkins, tea, sweaters, crisp air, windy days, rain and all the rest. I realized that I have always loved fall, but that desire got lost in the shuffle last year, and I didn’t get ot enjoy fall very much at all. I’ve Now that I’ve “unearthed” it again, I don’t plan to let it go.
That is my only wish for this week: to follow my love of autumn wherever it takes me!
I am saying yay with you about jewels and stars and witchiness!
Jewels and Stars, hmmmmmmmm! <3
For this week, gwishing for:
-An acupuncture treatment tomorrow that is as helpful as last time. Also, remembering to make another appointment at a shorter frequency.
-Changing out the decor colors to yellows as reminders (for the Chinese element/season of Earth). Reminding myself that Earth is nourishment, fruition, reaping, harmony, caring.
-Continued progress on Unpacking Mom's Storage (10 years since I've seen this stuff). Plus not locking myself in another time.
-Reserve flights for Wes's Garden Gala. Find the family phone book so I can let people know I'm coming.
-Focus for all the above. Plus, giving thanks for all the Reading Time and sending the Read This Now monster to play tiddlywinks with his friends for a while.
Last week I wished for a wish list and now I know what’s on my wish list and OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For this week, I want to love my wish list. And I want a nap tomorrow, and to find the items I promised to get.