Hello, week: we are here.
Thank you, week. Thank you, space to reflect.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
This is week 426 of this ritual, and so we chicken.
What’s been working? What do I want to play with….
Being in water.
Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
I am not going to enumerate the hard things of this week because there was only one for me*, but oh was it a big one, and it happened this morning.
Actually, funny story that is not really funny, I had intended to write up the chicken last night, completely flummoxed as to how to begin: after over eight years of writing up the hard and good of each week, here was a peaceful, inspiring, beautiful, transformative week with no hard. High on life!
Anyway, I ended up not having to solve that mystery because I took some [legal-in-some-places] pain relief for cramps, aka high on things other than life, which I haven’t done in oh maybe twenty years now. This rendered me completely useless, and somewhat paranoid, so I decided to snuggle up in bed with all the pillows instead.
This morning my friend who owns the house dropped by and said “hey do you want to hang out in the pool for a bit in the rain before I do all the house things”, and I was like, OF COURSE, I am the piscean queen of hanging out in water, I literally spent four hours a day this week in your pool in the rain…
Then my friend casually mentioned a situation that he assumed I knew about, except I did not know about it because someone in my life had chosen to omit this [set of pieces of information], and then I don’t really know what happened because I think I went into shock.
I was in the pool, flabbergasted, everything slow motion. And then I was in front of the house, walking very fast in the direction of the road, walking large wild circles on the wet grass in the rain, wearing only a towel over my bathing suit and the wind was cold and I am not entirely clear on how I got there or how long I was there doing the circle thing. And then I was back in the pool but I don’t remember going back to the pool.
I stayed there for a very long time, in a state of grief and bewilderment because the things I thought I knew weren’t making sense, and my friend felt awful.
I noticed all the ways that now was reminding me of then: the other time someone who loves me hid a vital piece of information from me, wanting to protect me from pain, and how awful it was to find out a different way. I breathed the breath of Now Is Not Then.
I am okay now. I have trust that it will be easily cleared up and resolved. I know what questions I want to ask myself, what superpowers I want to call on. But there you go, that was the hard of my week. Good thing I waited too, because where is the balance in only good.
Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!
- There were many, many wonderful things this week, and if I were not still rattled from this morning, I would be adding a hundred exclamation points to each of them. Breathing awe and appreciation for wild wonder and joy and the many miracles of this week.
- Warm water is my big healing, and I was able to spend hours and hours each day in the pools that are heated by hot springs, and it was heaven. Breathing for this is where I need to be.
- Hip pain disappeared! I can sit again! Breathing for things move and change.
- Wrote two ebooks in three and a half days, the only time I’ve ever had a writing streak like this before is at Rally. It was kind of incredible. Breathing for being in my power.
- Two spectacular nights of dancing. The dance superpower that I have been working on forever and doesn’t really have a name but is something like [I am So Completely Relaxed, Positive, Confident and Creative, At Ease In My Body, At Ease Taking Up Space, At Ease Being Fabulous, I Shine & Glow] kicked in unexpectedly, and I had a blast. Breathing for play.
- A very surreal and hilarious birthday party — also in the pool, everything this week was in the pool — showed me to what extent in my life I want what I have and have what I want. Breathing for treasure, and the ability to recognize it.
- Big big big big clarity! Breathing for this certainty.
- Repeat from last week: No news is good news! Feeling so much more peaceful because I had not even realized how much this sensitive soul needed to withdraw. Breathing for spaciousness, may my own peace spread outward into the world of news and do good somehow.
- Wild hot sweetness, vulnerability, intensity, love. Breathing for this beating heart and this happy body.
- All my crises resolved themselves this week, easily and without much effort, not sure how that big magic happened but I suspect the moon had something to do with it. Breathing for ease.
- Met a new version of Incoming Me, and she is breathtaking in her radiance. Breathing for getting to know these aspects of myself that I could not have even imagined existed.
- Thankfulness. Feeling aware of the good fortune in my life in the form of loving-hearted people, meals that make me clap my hands with delight, the still-incredible moon. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Superpowers.
Last time I wanted the power of I Close All The Doors That Need Closing, Easily, With Great Assurance and With Love. I did not expect to get this, because it seemed so impossible, but then it just happened.
So now I am asking for the superpower of Amazing Ease, Grace and Steadiness, so that this wobbly situation becomes something that is no big deal, and I do not fear wobbliness because I adapt easily and I have (haha, yes, okay, I see what is happening here) Amazing Grace.
Grace like awe and source, and grace like magnificence and wonder, and grace like not falling on my face, or at least doing it in style like I meant it.
Announcement time….
Quieting the monsters is one of the most useful self-fluency skills there is. You can buy the monster manual which is available here, and it is enormously useful if you would like to practice being Way Less Impressed with the horrible things that internal critical voices say. And it comes with a coloring book.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
Follow
*breath* <3 *breath*
Yes, some truly terrible things did happen in the world this week. A slow, deep breath for all of it.
Hard things in my own little corner of the world: being confronted with racism and ignorance and struggling to speak out against it, knowing that I must, because Black lives matter. Still in a holding pattern, feeling keenly how much of it is out of my hands. Doing my best to hold on to my inner ground, my inner ocean, my inner great big sky.
Good things this week: tasty treats; kindness and support from colleagues, kin, and community; ongoing pleasant ripples of "hey, I saw you on TV!"; glitter gel pens; appreciation flowing beautifully in all directions.
*lights candle*
<3 and thank you for "my inner great big sky", what a beautiful image
Was so good all this 1st week back from vacation staying off Twitter, and then Spouse had to work from home today, and he grumbled & grouched thru his work day, then was… awful after, as he rushed around to get ready for a Thing tomorrow. Many of his preparations went horribly awry for no apparent reason, and I sympathize, but I still don’t see why that means when I ask you a question, you can’t at least acknowledge that I am standing before you. Twice, widely separated in time. And when I go to give you a kiss goodnight, why I must be subjected to a rant about Microsoft.
So, I spent time on Twitter to recover my emotional equilibrium (!), and ya know, maaaybe not the best option available to me.
Black Lives Matter, dammit.
I am sad and out of sorts and Spouse is the only human person I talk with regularly, and that is not nearly enough human contact, but all my other attempts at friendship have failed, and I guess I have to get used to feeling unheard and unlovable and “too needy”. Blech.
<3 <3 <3
Hullo-ullo-ullo!
Working/playing with: shredding. Turning old drafts and bills into confetti. Channeling rock-star guitarists…
CONFETTI!
The Hard: My car is still in the car hospital getting rhinoplasty.
I was carrying my laptop with a new water bottle. Said water bottle dumped. Laptop screen was kaput. The Geeks are wonderful! They transferred the memory to my new laptop in several hours. This is hard because I’m transferring programs and fonts, and where did my Themes go?, and getting ready to adjust Windows 10 to me. Many hard things about this. Maybe I can just skip (avoid) these rocks.
The Dude feeling the need to inform me that I shouldn’t carry my laptop and water bottle in the same bag!!!
A twisted knee. It went away in two days. Whew!
Internally, the weather is wet with unshed tears.
The Good: Whomping up my own salves. Last week was Embracing and Releasing. It had a strong discernment action. This week is Frolicsome Porpoise (because purpose without frolic is Nose to Grindstone). There are bubbles in it. It doesn’t smell as fishy as you would think.
Recuerdo de Alhambra. I think this may be the most beautiful music I have ever heard. It is very calming.
I have been listening to Beatles’ hits and other music played on traditional Japanese instruments, too.
Rock skipping.
Movie night with my girlfriend on Thursday.
<3 Salve-whomping! I love your salves.
The hard this week has come in the form of depletion. Serious, mind-numbing, incomparable depletion, with a view of much the same stretching forward to the horizon.
But the good in that is that because I am navigating a rough, choppy sea of No, I have my Yes well within my sights. I know exactly what that Yes looks like, and I know where it is, and I know how to get there.
And so lately [I hesitate to add that it’s because when you have your back up against a wall, the few choices become clear] I have had the most amazing boundaries. I have stated my No clearly, and daily, to everyone who comes near with their oars ready to try to redirect me. They get nowhere with me. They get mad at me, but their redirect attempts get nowhere. And I can live with others being mad at me—especially if they can be quietly mad while I go take a little shore leave alone.
I can’t deny the rough seas aren’t exhausting, that they aren’t wearing at me like they would a stone. But I am still afloat, still sailing my course to Yes.
Here’s to BOUNDARIES and your Yes in your sights! <3
Glowing some steadiness and faith in your grace Havi. <3 <3 <3
Hards included some sadness and melancholia, some worry and shame (and some pre-shame anxiety – are you SURE we shouldn't be ashamed of that? what if they think… what if we should… what if we never…), some loneliness and frustration, some inability to be what I would wish myself to be.
Goods included treasures of My Life Is Rich And Blessed, I Love My Sisterhood, I Am In The Drivers Seat, Doing The Work Works, How Loved I Am By These Small People I Made, The World Is Changing And I Am Part Of A Wave, and I Am So Much Kinder To Myself These Days And It Feels Good.
Steadiness, Faith and Optimism vibes for all. xoxoxo
Mmmmm so much beautiful treasure here. Thank you. <3
Hello, chicken.
The hard:
– So much time wasted in the black hole of the internet.
– Something I said made me look like an entitled brat, somebody called me out for it, and it didn’t feel very nice (understatement).
– My patience for background chatter has become so low, I actually yelled for everyone to shut the fuck up (in those exact words) until we finish an important conversation we’re having at the moment. Nothing drives me crazy like people in a small space having multiple simultaneous conversations, and my brain is trying to keep track of all of them.
– Except maybe one thing, and that’s people who keep jumping into someone’s presentation, trying to either be funny, or provide “extra clarity”, which happened at two separate events this week. (Not to me, I was in the audience, and still mightily annoyed at the hecklers.)
The good:
– So much creative stuff happening! It’s exploding in different directions, and I’m having a lot of fun.
– I didn’t critique something I definitely would a few years ago, since the person didn’t explicitly ask for critique. It was a conscious effort and I had to remind myself “shhh, they’re not asking for that”. Yay for slow, but steady progress.
– Said “No” to several things my partner suggested this week because I didn’t want to do them. I usually give in and do it anyway because I feel bad for not making him company, and then I feel bad later for time and money spent on something I didn’t enjoy as much as I would sitting at home reading a book or making art, for example, and now I’m just skipping that.
– Not one, but two walks in nature this week.
– Beautiful, deep meditative experience that was healing and eye opening.
– A whole lot of appreciation for my work from multiple sources. I’m trying to learn how to be independent of outside praise (or criticism) and just do my work regardless, but it does feel very nice when my efforts are appreciated.
Superpowers I’d like: CALMS, Eyes on the Shining Beacon, Everything is an Art Project.
Cluck cluck cluck cluck chicken
– New job!
– apparently I have no problem whatsoever with singing to the whole of the Euston Road, not sure when that one landed, but OK, cool.
– also I’ve become OK with inviting beautiful things into my life
– space invaders (they are coming tomorrow to look at something and then it will finally BE DONE, but oh, for a house that’s ours, where we can put as many picture hooks as we like into the walls and nobody comes and inspects us or evaluates us or whatever it is we’re doing this time)
– lunch by the river
– really, when I think about it, my life is full of pretty amazing things
Love to all the chickeneers.
Cluck cluck cluck chicken out.
Belated chicken, cluck!
What’s been working: My Body Gets the Final Vote. I don’t know why we lost all our starch last week, but I didn’t push, and it was fine. I think just listening and not pushing was the right answer.
Next time I might: Pick a SuperPower every morning, name the days beforehand. Remember not to sit on the couch, if I want a different outcome.
the sucks:
-lack of spoons and ganas
-languishing ops
-tail-chasing
– 6 weeks into the school year, my youngest has been out of school 3x. these “feeling awful” mornings are BULLSHIT, clearly. a breath for picking battles
-too much violence and mayhem on TV, too much smoke in the house. so much ugh
-last weekend was great but the Treadmill was in place and by sunday at 7pm I was exhausted, angry, frustrated, and the demands kept coming. fuck all y’all.
but so much yum:
-so many awesome events lately! dance class! the Masquerade ball! ritual with friends old and new.
-more of these coming up
-a bona fide artist date yesterday, including museum time, lunch at a place I’ve wanted to try forever, and dance class
-things are much nicer at home with the husband
-hosted Red Tent at my house and it was amazing.
-the thing I was worried about did not happen
-I am newly in charge of a Pagan meet-up and while we are taking things slowly, there is momentum! we’ve had 2 red tents, lots of new folks have signed up, we have a planning meeting in 2 weeks
-altho I plateau’d a bunch this month, I am 17 pounds lighter than in May, and some of my old clothes FIT again
-I recently leveled up–stronger, kinder, more centered. also more fluidity in [X dance moves]. it takes so long for the choreography to LAND, I am overjoyed about this