this is the 368th week of wishing, come play!

welcome the muse / the muse is welcome

contrary to popular belief
[muse] is not capricious
you don’t need to set off on a complicated journey
no search party is required, there is no sense in wondering
where muse has gone or why —
it hasn’t gone anywhere

muse is here
it is just a question of being very clear with the welcoming intention
there is an invitation that needs to be issued
not the kind you send through the mail
a very immediate invitation

like the inhalation-moment of opening the door to welcome
a beloved person on the other side
you don’t knock for the muse and wait for muse to do the opening, no
definitely don’t cross your arms and wait for the knock,
or for muse to waltz in on its own
sure, sometimes it will, breathless, full of excited whisperings
but in general, as a rule,
the opening is your job
opening is the job

think of it this way:

their hands are too full with gifts and flowers
and anyway, just open the door

what it isn’t

in second grade we watched a film strip
about the postal system
a child put a letter into a mailbox
and then we followed the bright red envelope and its wild ride
the striking color making it stand out
amongst its thousands of white-and-beige traveling companions

I can’t remember what happened to the envelope
if it arrived at the house of a waiting pink-cheeked grandma
or something equally cliched

(wait, a memory inside the memory)

actually, huh, I just now realizde
my primary memory of this experience
is the utter exasperation and scorn seven year old me
had for the disproportionate excitement of her classmates
reacting to the visual trick of the colored envelope,
jumping and yelling I SEE IT I SEE IT THERE IT IS
each time it made an appearance on screen
when of course it would, that was the
entire point of the film strip
to a) show the envelope, and b) manipulate us into participation
now I am laughing because I hadn’t realized until now
how impatient seven year old me was, so aware of the rigged game,
the dissonance, the constant gaslighting

pause-and-breathe

a breath of appreciation for constantly-frustrated tiny-me
because this memory-story actually kind of explains a lot,
and also oh wow that poor hsp kid who had to spend her days in
a shouty overstimulating environment,
and a breath of appreciation for me-now who
can more easily understand see how following the grand adventures of a
red envelope might be a playful joyful thing
I might be better at being seven now than I was when it happened
(and also I would be better at being the red envelope…)

okay so that is not what I mean at all
obviously seven year old me was just-right at being seven
and gets all the sparklepoints forever
just noticing that me-now has uncovered a childlike wonder
which feels new

back to musings (yes) on what muse is and isn’t

muse is not the traveling red envelope
not for me,
it isn’t the sending of a request and then, who knows,
if all goes well, maybe you’ll receive a response or a visit
someday, someday
once your envelope has gone through all the envelope places
sure, sometimes it can work like that
or can be experienced that way

for me though, inviting the muse is more like opening the door
the moment of opening says yes, please: Entrez
I operate, always,
on the assumption is that muse is already here
waiting for me to open up
I’m the one who has forgotten to feel for
the tingly sensation, the certainty,
knowing something is here for me, waiting for me to say yes

more example stories of what muse is and isn’t (for me)

have you ever watched The Bold and The Beautiful
it’s a wonderfully terrible soap opera
maybe that’s true of all soap operas, I don’t know,
anyway, I used to watch it a million years ago
always with the sound off, reading the hebrew subtitles
purportedly to improve my speed reading but of course
I got addicted to the drama

anyway, the show centers around two competing fashion houses,
and there’s this recurring and ridiculous plot line
of oh no one of the designers can’t design
because he has lost his muse,
and this invariably means that he needs to sleep with someone
who is usually and inconveniently married to someone else,
and if you didn’t speak english (or hebrew)
no one would blame you for assuming that
“muse” and “getting laid” are actually synonyms

and hmmm okay there is an aspect of truth in this
for me, again, always for me
because damn writing goes better when I’m getting some
and I wouldn’t say no a hot ten minute dose of “muse” right now,
(yes, I miss the long lost cowboy)
not only for the writing boost but other side effects
like Inexplicably Miraculous Good Hair Day and
Can’t Stop Smiling

but it’s mostly a misunderstanding

because, again, muse doesn’t come as a result of
something happening
and muse doesn’t require other people to get involved
muse is waiting for you to get quiet enough
to open to it,
to remember that you can open to it
it is the declaration of receptivity that is
the invitation

and maybe sex is or can be a declaration of receptivity
or a reminder of what it is like to be in that state of mind,
that state of body-mind
this is more of a clue about muse though
than an explanation
what else do we know……

despite what you may have heard…muse is not petty

also not moody, picky, fussy, petulant or passive-aggressive
these are all misunderstandings

it is true that muse (generally) won’t burst in uninvited —
though again, sometimes it does, when it is needed
or maybe in a moment when you needed to know
how much you needed it
or maybe in a moment that is terribly inconvenient
because muse is like OH NO BABE WE ARE DOING THIS NOW —
but most of the time muse is at ease, calmly waiting
for you to notice-and-remember
to issue the invitation
from a state of quiet receptivity and that willing curious yes

invited

weekly family dinner with my aunt in tel aviv,
a marvelous chaotic affair always,
her father, in his nineties, the yekkiest of yekkim,
would absolutely refuse to come to the dining room table
at dinner time unless we specifically invited him by name `

even if someone yelled “dinner is ready” and everyone
started scrambling over each other in the direction of the dining room
he would sit upright in his chair
until eventually my aunt would ask why he wasn’t coming to dinner
and he would say
— lo huzmanti —
— I wasn’t invited —
and she’d sigh and say I’m inviting you now
and he would sniff THANK YOU and come to the table

muse can be the tiniest bit like this

but with a different intent, a different feel
muse isn’t miffed about not being invited
muse just wants you to say that you’re ready

SAY IT
NAME IT
WANT IT

muse will come onto the dance floor
when it’s good and ready
but if you want it to be ready
be brave and ask
and ask like you mean it
issue the invitation
open the door and say yes

like this

moses at the burning bush said hineni
here I am
abraham, jacob, samuel, isaiah
that’s what they all say
when [divine] calls on them
I am here
not just here but receptive, waiting, listening
alive with the tingly awe of this moment
that is a way to tell [muse]
you are ready to play
hineni

and like this

Sing, O Muse or: Sing in me, Muse
is how homer begins the Iliad
this is maybe the ancient Greek version of hineni
I’m listening, muse
come through me
I’m opening space for you

I can be the channel for wise me
but wise me comes in when wise me is welcomed

and maybe also like this

my lips hovering a millimeter and a half
apart from the lips of my lover
a moment of almost that is a declaration:
I am fully engaged in this now-ness,
come, come be magnetic and magnetized
with me
yes

it is understandable when we don’t ask

for one thing, the rigged game keeps us too busy
for the kind of getting-quiet-and-listening
getting-quiet-and-inviting
that welcoming the muse
requires

for another, we are afraid to know
what we don’t know
afraid of our desires

but —and I feel strongly about this —
there is big power in saying
here I am
and here we are
listening

what do I know about my wishes?

last week’s wishes were seeds of light that went deep
and now all I want to do is listen listen listen
and dismantle all the false constructions and camouflage
that keep my light from glowing (inward and outward)
I will listen for the melody
I will open the door to muse
to Freedom and to Pleasure
Presence and Intention
opening with crown on
full glow
I am here

p.s. you come still walk the path of stones with us

marvelous things come through turning inward and listening
you can also do it to fuck with the patriarchy and undo rigging
and of course participating in this course is a lovely way to
express appreciation for what is here
for the words I write each week and the work of self-fluency

and if all that weren’t enough there is also the course itself
six weeks of a path of stones in a secret online space
plus ebooklet plus deck of cards!

—> here is the sign up link, my loves!

now

last night I missed the bus back to Portland
which means it was not my bus
literally in addition to metaphorically
and I stayed in a hotel
wrapping up [past-me who was homeless] in
layers of safety and
love

though, still, nightmares through the night
and today dark circles under my eyes

the wifi password here is get your ship together
which might be the most prescient piece of
treasure I’ve ever received
as Agent Sloan said: what a heart clue
maybe that’s my stone to skip today

how do I wish to put my ship together? what is the feeling of my ship when it is together?

time to get quiet and listen

the superpower of deep listening

July was HARMONY, with the superpower of hearing the melody, and the natural extension of that, which I didn’t even realize at the time of channeling the qualities for this year’s calendar, is exactly where we are now….

August is MUSE, and the superpower is Deep Listening

hearing the melody was good training for going ever deeper and listening to what is beyond the melody

thank you, past-me, for being such a good namer and calling this into being

last week’s wishes

last-week-me wished a wish called let’s channel something new here …

and this wish set some things into motion for me, and both the bridge and the Italian told me something I wasn’t ready to hear, and it was important, and I am listening now….

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading, including any stories you wish to let go of, any adventures you wish to welcome

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes

♡

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