Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

♡

What do I want?

It has to do with entering, and all the forms of entering that are currently going on for me.

And it has to do with strength.

Strength: also in a variety pack. Lots of kinds of strength.

What do I want?

Looking at all the things I am in the process of entering this week…

Entering my birthday.

Entering the year of being 37, and everything that brings.

Entering a brief chrysalis (running away to write) at the ocean. Oh, beautiful Pacific. Oh, Oregon coast.

Entering the new Floop, my private online space for practicing the stuff I write about here on the blog, which set sail over the weekend. Year 6 of this ever-changing wild experiment: always an adventure, always new and different.

Entering new configurations with the Spy Who Loves Me. Entering an exit? Exiting an old thing into a new thing? Or is it just exiting? None of this is clear yet, the only thing I know is that this is new territory, whatever it turns out to be, and I am entering it.

Entering the anniversary of my divorce, always more of a thing than I think it will be…

Entering a new relationship with dance, now that — tfu tfu tfu, spit three times, knock on wood — I am reasonably healthy again, after a month of not being able to be in movement. Entering a life that is full of movement. Devoted to. Devotion.

Entering March, the month I am sliding into on one foot. Literally, thanks to sprained ankle. And also the feeling of sliding: like the way Chris taught a variation in west coast swing. Pressure — not a lot but it’s there — in big toe and the very top of the ball of the foot. That’s it.

You place it just so, without letting any of the rest of your foot touch the floor, with the pitch of your body slightly forward, and then you remove the other foot from the ground and lift off and sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide. Hello, march. No marching for me. Just sliding. Which has to do with strength…

What do I want?

I want to be thinking about how I am entering, how I want to be entering.

To come in with intention, presence, pause, breath, a compass.

I am, conveniently, facing north right now. So let’s have north be a breath of strength.

Northeast: a breath for Kindness. I want to enter with kindness. So much kindness.

East: a breath for Ease. I want to enter with ease. Easy sliding.

Southeast: a breath for All Timing Is Right Timing, otherwise known as Trust.

South: breathing Grounding, in and out. Grounded entry. Grounding in entering.

Southwest: a breath for Pleasure. I will find pleasure in entering with strength.

West: a breath for Glowing. All the beacons and lighthouses activating for this entry.

And northwest is for Resonance. Bells and being a bell. Breathing a bell.

What do I want?

The salve in the Fluent Self calendar — the Year of Salves — is the salve of Strength.

With the superpower of seeing the strengths you already have.

I would like some of that, please. And I would like specifically like to see and recognize the strengths I have that will help me with this entering.

What do I want?

This is still related to my wish about letting go. Letting go in order to enter. Letting go in order to see my strengths.

What do I want?

Support, companionship, laughter, playfulness, lightheartedness, delight.

So that these concepts of [Entry] and [Strength] become less heavy, more accessible.

Ahhhh, of course, this has to do with my secret project of Waltzing My Words Into The Light. Yes.

What do I want?

To take pleasure in this week. To enjoy each drop of sweetness.

To be deeply present in the parts where I can’t access the sweetness.

What do I want?

I want to dance my way through, laughing happily. And to remember that I can’t do this wrong. I’ve already set up the frame: entry and strength.

Whatever emerges is held by that. Held. Another wish. It is enough that I have drawn attention to how I want to be in it. That’s what entering is. There is nothing I have to do, or say or become. This is enough.

Anything else coming up? Where do I want to start?

I have to follow my instincts. There is nothing more important than this. When Incoming Me says, go downstairs and turn the lights on, I do it. Like that. She’s right.

And I want to play “What’s in the bag?”

What are the qualities of my wish?

Well, I think the compass I came up with expresses this perfectly. Maybe I’ll combine it with last week’s too:

Presence. Trust. Pleasure. Play. Breathing. Patience. Wellness. Reverberation.

Clues?

I have been feeling unbearably frustrated over the past weeks about a [Situation] that seems like an impasse.

And then suddenly I realized that it is not an impasse. It is a RIDDLE, which is different than an impasse. Even if not being able to solve it feels like an impasse. It is different. It requires different things.

A riddle asks me to use my whole brain, to think creatively and playfully, to look for exceptions, to look under things, to re-examine my expectations.

A riddle is useful. I can work with this.

What else do I want?

Seeds planted without explanation, a mix of secret agent code and silent retreat dreams. Things I’m working on, or might be, someday…

• Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
• I go out dancing at the ballroom.
• This doesn’t require my input!
• Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
• I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
• Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
• Hawaii.
• I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things and it is not even a big deal, and I still get sparklepoints, yay.
• This week’s ops: more progress on Saying Everything Twice (Saying Everything Twice!), and writing about whatever I want. 37, baby.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka release disperse release disperse… My wish had to do with the specific way that I need to release things, which is through MOVEMENT.

I did a ton of deleting and reorganizing, moving things that are not my body while still getting a whoosh of energetic movement. Very slow Old Turkish Lady Yoga in tiny increments. Changed things up in my internal video game.

And now I am moving again, and everything is moving again.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.

Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. #9825;

Keep me company?

Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.

Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play.

Let’s throw things in the pot! And: Amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.

xox

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