It is Friday Saturday, and we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here.}
Thank you, week.
This is the 372nd week in a row that we are chickening here together. Pretty great.
What worked this week?
Asking the right question.
Yesterday I was in the grumpiest, cloudiest mood. It’s why I didn’t write the Chicken, I didn’t want to write it from a state of hating everything.
Mid-afternoon, it suddenly occurred to me that this moodiness didn’t feel like it belonged to me, so I asked:
Whose doldrums are these?
Immediately it was clear that, of course, it was September 11th, the country is steeping in gloomy memory-fog energy. And I am a Highly Sensitive empath, and when not careful about boundaries, I just feel whatever is in the air.
Next time I might…
Check the Anthology. And plan ahead!
Funny story. A few minutes after separating out from the Collective Cloud Of Gloom, I picked up the Anthology of Being A Bell, which is my version of the Book of You.
Sure enough, there was a very useful note about September 11:
Please note the zappy energy in the country on this day. Avoid internet, and be generally aware that there is a reason for things feeling off. If you’re experiencing sadness or distress, these feelings do not belong to you. You’re just picking up on it in the air and wearing it like a cape. Set your own energy, babe.
The book knows! I’d like to spend more time looking at my notes for a given month in advance.
And ideally, this would actually be a great time to just be somewhere that is not North America if possible, someplace quiet. Anyway, good to know. Thanks, past-me!
Upcoming Biopic if it were based on this week…
Always More To Let Go Of. The Havi Brooks Story.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- I thought maybe I would be done being sick, but nope. Finally stopped coughing up goo on Thursday afternoon, just in time for some especially evil moon retreat cramps. So my weeks in bed continue. A breath for this being what it is and me not liking it.
- Still waking up mysteriously early, though at least I’m back to napping. A breath for process, and trusting my body.
- I miss doing fun things! I want to be doing fun things! A breath for this, and all the in-between places that are part of healing.
- My lover has been gone for two weeks, and now that I’m not in the pheromone haze, I have these moments when I can’t really remember why we like each other or what the point of any of it is. Down in the dumps about that. A breath of love for love, and for remembering that this has actually been true for me my entire life — two weeks just is the amount of time it takes for me to lose interest in something that isn’t present in my life. It’s not that I get interested in other things. It’s more like, I lose interest in being interested? That’s a useful piece of intel for me to remember, and maybe it will change, and for now, I can at least remember that this phenomenon is not necessarily related to the actual situation at hand. May ease come soon.
- Oh my god, the theme of this week was It’s Always Something Isn’t It, with a side of If It’s Not One Damn Thing It’s Another. And a drizzling of Everything Breaks. Many, many things spontaneously volunteered to leave my life this week, including the water heater in my house. A breath for remembering that passage is movement, and everything is temporary anyway, and I am okay, and also it is both safe and very understandable to get a little panicky when everything breaks, my love. Yes, that is a good reminder for me.
- There is a lot of pain in the world, and I am trying to maintain steady ground without diving in and taking it all on. A breath for separations and distinctions, which allow me to make choices from grounded presence.
- A project I was very excited about just got alarmingly expensive. A breath for trust, hope, perfect simple solutions, and the superpower of Oh This Turned Out Hilariously Beautifully Just Right In The Most Unexpected Ways.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week. May I choose to trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- So much releasing. And then things start to move. A breath of fountaining sparklepoints for me, and for all the wild epiphanies that are landing as a result.
- Had a long talk with the far-off beautiful boy about our wishes and desires, in life and related to NARBAR (Not A Relationship: Better Than a Relationship!), and these past thirteen months of delicious heart-time together. It is so easy to talk with him about absolutely anything, in part because of this special form of connection that we have invented for ourselves, and our exchange was so full of sweetness, clarity, tenderness, appreciation, all the good things. A breath for perceiving that I am heard and understood, loved and known.
- Something I thought was a ludicrous pipe dream that maybe in twenty years could come to fruition is actually starting to look like a very real possibility for this coming year. A breath for brave me who set off on the financially terrifying adventure of Shmita, and is now receiving the most wonderful ideas, information, connections and possibilities as a result.
- Took a private dance lesson after two weeks of ZERO practice, and magically-mysteriously was noticeably better at everything, to the point that both my teacher and I were in this total jaw-drop state of shock and awe. A breath for changing internal space, and how that changes everything else, and for joy.
- Sweet naps. Long, slow stretches. Staring into space. A breath for the many magical forms of rest, and for how they support Sovereignty.
- So many things in the category of “I Don’t Know What To Decide (because on the one hand, A, B, and C! But on the other hand, X, Y and Z…” have just resolved themselves so easily. I know exactly what I want, why I want it, how I want it, next steps. The mysteries are no longer mysterious! A breath for this.
- I am enjoying every inch of my beautiful home, and cherishing my space, and learning about what this means and how it works, and it is the most wonderful feeling. A breath for bubbling over with love.
- Thankfulness. So much is good. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong, even when I think it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Wham booms, wisdom, superpowers, salve and FBOTW!
Operations completed. Wham boom!
Progress was made on all the ops this week, using fractal flowers to great effect. Wham Boom. I now bestow upon myself a hundred fritzillion sparklepoints, and you are welcome to do the same.
Superpowers I had this week…
I had the superpower of Steady And Grounded, and Hey: Respect My Space, I Am A Panther. Both of those were incredible to experience, more please!
Powers I want.
The powers of a) Fearless Intentional Choosing, and b) noticing that I’m doing that.
The Salve of Goodbye, Things That Are Not Mine.
This salve eases all exits. It makes for clean, clear separations.
It has a freshness to it, as if the air is more alive, oxygen is more oxygenated, from the moment it touches your skin.
This salve transforms internal and external space (and the relationship between the two), and suddenly you know what belongs and what doesn’t, what is congruence and harmonious with how you want to live, and what needs to leave.
You open the door, and things just find their way out.
You take a breath in, and fill up on sparkliness until you feel it in your toes.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band comes via Agent Annabelle, it’s called Investigation: Closed. Their latest album is Good Game, Buddy. And, of course, it’s just one guy.
And the photo was taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
p.s. If you want to express appreciation and/or go deeper into Self-Fluency…
Come practice Agency and be a secret agent (ha, agency pun!) of self-fluency, and support this blog and Shmita.
The marvelous Monster Manual gives you the sneaky ways I use to get my self-criticism to take a nap or join the circus or become my ally, so I can stay calm and take care of myself. - If you’d just like to express appreciation for concepts and qualities that live here, you can always contribute to Barrington’s Discretionary. (Explanation!)
- And of course, love and support in the form of smiles, hearts, warmth, sharing posts, practicing what we do here: any and all of that is always appreciated!
A deep breath of love from my thank-you heart for everyone who reads. ❦
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Sparklepoints!!!! It’s been a while since I stopped by your blog, but OH YES I am surrounding myself with a bazillion of them now! So HI, and thanks.
So many sparklepoints!!!
Again with the letting go of things that are not mine. Which I am once again working on. This time I have reinforcements in the form of Pema Chodren. And sometimes I have to let go of the thing over and over and over. And it makes me sad. Which is ok.
And the monsters are worried about money of course, and they are yelling about my complete inability to plan for the future. You would think they could remember that for a long time we did not believe there would be a future, and therefore we are learning this all now. And seeing that maybe not planning means things we want get postponed. and that we have to let go of things that are mine.
Sometimes this summer we would misread the tides and be stuck on the beach for a little while longer than we had wanted. But eventually the tide would come in and maybe we would have to go home in the dark but still they came in. Maybe the tide is still going out right now so it looks like I’m becoming more stuck but it will turn and come back in. And until then I can watch the sunset and the moon rise.
<3
Oh, goodbye week. Hello and welcome, new moon!
Let’s see, what was hard this week? Someone I love having a hard time and getting stressed, while I felt limited in my capacity to help. Some scheduling uncertainties. Some *big* uncertainties about the future and inevitable changes.
Mostly, though, this week has been good. I am successfully shifting an old pattern.I’m getting to do a lot of things that I love to do. I’m feeling cherished, and I’m cherishing myself.
I now invoke the superpower of Inner Sparkle! Also, thank you for the salve. For just a split second it scared me, and then I remembered that there is always safety inherent in everything you create and in my own sovereign wisdom. <3
Inner Sparkle!!
I did that same September 11th thing! And my wise husband pointed out that there was something weird going on but it isn’t until now that I realized of course that was the weirdness.
Hard Things:
– Many CFS days of spending three hours trying to pry eyes open, one hour awake but unable to even sit up because of dizziness, three or four more hours of sleep, maybe an hour or two of wakefulness in the afternoon or evening and then scared to go to sleep again because you don’t want to be gone for fifteen hours again… I hate it. I’m working with it, but let’s call a spade a spade. Right now, I hate it.
– Also had the fun experience of a medication making me crazy. So Monday and Tuesday I was almost institutionizable, and Wednesday I finally started coming down. That was very hard.
– Wee one is sick. This is easier now that she’s able to discuss it with me, but it’s never easy. Or fun.
– Despite me getting paid to go to school this next year, and rather a lot (like, covers my half of expenses – yay!) it’s looking like one month until our savings is zero. And none of our relatives have any money to give us. This is unsettling. I’m working on maintaining presence and curiosity and trust in the face of numbers which are always more changeable than they seem, but now would be a really good time for something to shift so my husband doesn’t have to spend so much time keeping me afloat and can be out advertising (and, you know, doing) his life-changing healing sessions. Also I need enough energy to attend school and keep my scholarships.
– I am working on patience and Aries moons do not like patience; they like smashing things as a byproduct of headlong velocity. Alas. Step by step and present moment and other things I forget can be fun or even non-excruciating.
– Gone into abandonment stuff with several friends. Probably they’re not writing to me because I’m not writing to them, busyness and other things that aren’t hatred and disgust for me. But the part of me that won’t stop crying about it is having a hard time believing it.
The Good:
– My dear friend had her baby! We were able to pass on some of our old baby stuff and also to bring them some food. We needed so much more help when we had our baby. And we also did get a *lot* (like a kind stranger who gave us all her daughters’ old clothes, for instance, or the many friends who dropped by with all kinds of help.) For both these reasons – abundance and lack – it feels good to pass things forward.
– I’m off the crazy-making medication. Huzzah!
– Wednesday was my 28th birthday. It started out kind of awful but ended up pretty wonderful. I got to be awake for a lot of it, for example. I even stayed up and drank sake and otherwise didn’t act like a sick person. And I got sung to a lot – both by video and in person. Felt very loved, which is exactly what I wanted.
– Part of the reason I was so sick was because we found the right thing to kill the parasites we were assuming I have, which is a) a good clue that we’re on the right track and b) an actual start at addressing one of the major underlying things making me so sick.
– I showed up to a ritual of a type I’d never attended before. My singing meditation group does a lot of rituals and they require a lot of skill and presence, so I’m usually the person in the back everyone else is sustaining. Though I can sing the songs, it’s just that the songs are the least of it. But it turned out I was the second most senior person in my section so I ended up at the main table, where your ability to hold an open grounded heart determines how powerful it is for everyone. It wasn’t that powerful, because I’m not that good at it, but it was neat to try. I could sense as we’d come into connection and slip out of it. It was a very sweet small ritual and I got to connect with lovely people before, during, and after. Just beautiful. As were the songs. Simply gorgeous.
– I’ve been indoors (or walking short distances on asphalt) almost all the time I’ve been in Portland this summer. Because I just don’t do 90 degree heat and also CFS and also school and etc. today I got back outside, just a few hours in my yard, and it was wonderful. My heart breaks for the planet and all of it, but being out is good.
– Used a bit of my birthday money on paint and I’ve totally changed the feel of the living room. Hopefully for the better. I’m dreaming of a bathroom remodel, though with what $300 I’ll accomplish this I do not know. Still. The bathroom will get remodeled. Someday. And I made huge progress on my now-three-year-long shed painting project. Maybe this year will truly be the last I’m out there painting that thing.
– We are very close to launching my husband’s new website, which is secretly also going to be the website where I advertise *my* energy healing practice, when I’m ready to work together with him. (You heard it here first! In a year or two you may see it on the internet.)
– Baby girl is spending hours at a time speaking only in Spanish with me! All the (quiet) fireworks for this!
Good/hard: I found out (/heard internally in the middle of the night) that my website is going into a chrysalis for at least a year. 1. This feels so peaceful and right, 2. Monsters have judgements and fear of the judgements of others and 3. When will I have the time to do this?
<3 and sparklepoints for all
Samedi shalom!
What worked this week?
Choosing sleep. Choosing the underdogs. Wearing jewelry from/by an aunt.
Next time? Anticipate interruptions/disruptions. Have Amazing Syrup on hand for the buckets of Ludicrous Fear Popcorn that come with that.
Hard, frustrating, etc.
* New machine, what’s with the freezing?
* Splinter under fingernail. Ow.
* Scope vs. resources
* Effort vs. ingratitude
* Turns out the plant I’ve been tending isn’t a rose, it’s a weed tree.
* My oven stopped working, and the fix isn’t obvious
* Major attack of donwannas
* Side spell of shouldas
* School board shenanigans in the neighboring county.
* Doggie trying to eat the cyclamen. Oy.
* Mysterious itchinesses
* The dog threw up the rice I just cooked for her. Distressing.
Good, delightful, etc.
* Learning that a talk I gave years ago helped someone out.
* The candidate I backed for mayor won.
* Painting my toenails gold and my hair teal.
* Treating myself to new lipstick, too.
* A lovely thank-you note and other treats in the mail
* Watermelon with red onion and feta
* One of the scallion seeds I planted actually yielded a harvestable plant.
* The dog escaped from the yard, but then she came back.
* I love that YouTube has past Tony Awards telecasts in full. So when I have a sudden compulsion to revisit John Rubinstein and Phyllis Frelich reenacting a scene from Children of a Lesser God that I saw 29 years ago, I can see it.
* I just plucked a tomato from a plant two or three generations descended from a starter I picked up in St. Louis in 2014.
* More whales wham-boomed!
* Good revision sessions with colleagues
* Breathing room
Warm wishes to all y’all
Amazing Syrup! That is a very good plan, I wish to do the same!
Loving greetings,
Hard this week
My Beloved Person spends a day with someone else and admits he has a crush. Even though Everything is Okay, Nothing is Wrong, honesty is beautiful & crushes are normal…. it hurts and takes a lot of willpower to navigate.
Fall is here, with the sense of upheaval/ungrounding that always catches me off guard. I can feel early warning signs of my [seasonal mood thing]. Really, now??? We’re not even past equinox!
Tummy upsets for unknown reasons.
Good this week
Feeling safe in this Fluent Self space! Trusting that time I spend here, and time spent with ideas gained here, is well spent. Especially, noticing internal shifts and many things being possible/easier that used to be impossible/harder. Feeling enormous gratitude.
Fall is here! My absolute favorite. Mmmmmmmmm, delicious smells of earth, leaves, September afternoons, cool and dewey mornings. Mmmmmmmm, familiar amazement as the first leaves turn brilliant colors. Mmmmmmmmm, bounty of vegetables. Mmmmmmmm, my birthday soon! Mmmmmmmm, anticipating the sticky, spicy, sweet circus of cider pressing!
Hearts, pebbles, smiles, and sparklepoints for all
* <3 o 🙂 ** o <3 * (: * o *** <3 <3 <3
Helloooooooooo, chicken. <3
The Hard:
-Car breaking down, again. I decided to try and drive it a bit further away because it's been doing so well lately. This did not work the way I expected, and the way it broke down was just super weird. A metal piece that attaches to the rear tire completely broke in half in this way that seems like… well, it seems like it shouldn't do that. But it did. I am wondering if the car is trying to be released, and I'm holding on too much. I'm feeling sort of zen about it; I was only keeping it because all of the things that were necessary for it to stay seemed to be falling into place. We'll see if this ends up being the Too-Much-Money-To-Fix point or if my magician of a mechanic can do it for an affordable amount. A breath for staying in touch with right timing.
-Work projects that were long and heavy and technical. A breath for recognizing how hard it is for me to start those projects, and a breath for noticing the avoidance while doing it, rather than after.
-Missing the memorial. I was supposed to go to a memorial in CT for a friend of mine who passed away a few weeks ago. Because of car logistics, this couldn't happen. It wasn't the right time and place, and on some level, I'm okay with this as I was pretty apprehensive about going back there and seeing certain folks.
-Breaking up is hard to do. I didn't want a heart I didn't ask for. I didn't know I was aro or greyro before it started. I feel sad that this person felt sad.
-Working on shows that are not well organized. Making assumptions about what kinds of logistical things people will have thought through. Being wrong about those assumptions.
-Asinine things people say at work. Don't tell a fat woman that the sign says "Only 5 pieces of sushi," when she has no sushi on her plate. She can read. The 3 guys in front of her with 8 pieces are the ones who need your food policing.
The Good:
-The thing that came out of my mouth when my idiot co-workers shamed another co-worker about the sushi was a very loud, incredulous, "Why would you say that?!" The stunned looks on their face were priceless. A breath for fearlessly and effortlessly speaking out.
-Taking a break from social media day on Friday was perfect and what I needed. I still ran into some expressions of the broader cultures obsession with that day, but also I got to have some interesting conversations including one where I realized that my co-worker who is 25 and grew up in AZ did not experience that thing the same way I did, and I got to tell him about how I experienced it and why the way he was talking about it was hard for me. A breath for good communication.
-Friends friends friends friends friends. If I hadn't driven with my friend this weekend I wouldn't have had cell service when I broke down. I wouldn't have had other friends to come wait with us by the side of the road. I wouldn't have had someone to drive me to the meeting and more friends to help me think through the options once I heard that the Firestone wanted to charge me more than the car is worth. A big heart sigh for feeling loved and supported in this community of mine when it matters.
-Car breakdowns mean excuses to go see my mechanic, who is also one of my favorite friends. Don't know when, but that's always an upside. A breath for silver linings.
-I feel like I can breathe again. The relationship, which lasted all of 3 weeks, felt suffocating, and I feel like a weight has lifted. Single again. Amen. A breath for knowing myself better all the time.
-I got to light a storytelling show using floor lamps from Ikea or Target or something, and it was really cozy and warm and pretty. And I stood up and said no to the really bright studio lights that someone else had brought. And it was the right choice. Yay for feeling like a lighting designer again. A breath for creative outlets (not a lighting pun.)
-A text of appreciation from my friend whose show it is, saying "I love you, but don't worry, not in a romantic way." Hah!
-Feeling, even in the midst of the chaos and stress of car breakdown stuff, like like is okay. Like things are headed in the right direction. Like I'm coming out of the darkness, even as we're headed into the dark season. A breath for leaving depression behind.
-Being on staff for the winter weekend retreat and getting to take on some very cool roles and everyone saying that they needed me and my skills sets. A breath for feeling wanted and appreciated.
-Fall! Fall fall fall! New Year. Pumpkins. Halloween. Cooler weather. Crisp air. Warm blankets. Love. A breath for this.
-Bonus! Happy Half Birthday to me! <3 Yay me!
Happy chicken and L'shanah tovah.
Oh, hearts and sparklepoints for the perfect timing of the link to the old post about taking on the sadness of the world.
Because this was hard:
– Reading the paper front to back and 90% of the articles dealt with refugees and refugee related topics and this stirred up so much helplessness, anxiety, anger, guilt in relation to this specific topic but also to the general state of the world.
What else was hard:
– We had an open day at work which meant dealing with the crowds for 8 hours. 7 out of these I was standing which my back did not like.
– Seeing h after this day, zero caring from his side, I would like to be cared for or cooked for at least ever once in a while.
Other than this the week was pretty darn good:
– I am still floating on this sea of miraculous calmness. It feels that it is the first time in almost two years that my nervous system switched gears from “race” to “step by step”.
– Every morning either running or yoga or other forms of stretching and making my body welcome me.
– Again so much laughter at work.
– The discovery of a place just over an hour’s drive away. Spending 3 hours there felt almost like a 3 day holiday.
– I only heard about Marie Kondo this week on this blog, <3, such a revelation, off to buy boxes tomorrow.
In my corner of the world the new week has begun 3 minutes ago, high time for me to get some sleep before Monday morning. Wishing you all beautiful transitions from the old into the new week.
Forgot another good thing: saw a little clip on how it makes much more sense to replace passwords by pass sentences because they are much, much, much more difficult to hack. So there is lots to play around with by making up pass sentences:
“TakeaDEEPbreath654”
“silence_makes_my_life_better”
etc..
Ola Chickeners! Breaths and hearts to everyone <3<3<3
Worst of the week:
– I get a copy of the report from the consultant I consulted partly because of my communication issues, and it is so full of misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and things I didn't even say that I cried for over an hour. And now my doctor has this report & I have to waste my energy going to see him so's I can put the record straight.
– Realising that if *complicated benefits system issues* are not resolved soon, I may have to start selling things I really love & am not ready to let go of
The Best of the week:
– I made my brilliant idea happen!
– I did not ONE but TWO awesomely brave things this week and they were both wonderful and brain-expanding and fun!
I invite you all to come and jump and bounce around in the Circus Big-Top full of sparklepoints I have awarded myself! And would like everyone to give themselves a Big Top plus sideshow tents-full of sparklepoints too!
Oh and THANK YOU for this perfect salve, which really, really helped with A Thing today. <3 xx
The Hard –
A Factual Report from 9/10
A flash of lightning
Rolls of thunder
Hot spit of rain
No relief from the heat.
Not feeling the predicted cooling.
First Wolf Feeding after starting to Live the Smile. Have not received first Promised Payment.
The Good –
Jury Duty – a day and a half in the air-conditioning! No anxiety.
I am a singer, to be specific, still a soprano! Saturday was a choir retreat. So many Goods – fun people, focus on growth, spirituality, and ministry. I got the Seekrit Code (solfege) that enables/will enable me to hear and sing the dots on the page. And I get to be the Choir Librarian.
Running the air conditioner at night. We have No Trouble sleeping.
What “played in Peoria”– Sparklepoints.
Getting my gym bag ready and dressing up in my swimsuit and not going to the health club pool. The Dude accepting that it was Not Safe for me right then.
Eating the big meal in the middle of the day, maybe away from the house and then snacking in the evening.
Keeping more stuff in my Brain (planner) like the Seekrit Code sheet and the list of detective novels I haven’t read yet.
Noticing my face. If my body likes the idea, I’m smiling. If not, not.
Warm or cool chickens – as you need!
Face-noticing! That is a very useful and clear test! I love it.
Diving right into that sea of sparklepoints! 🙂
Made plans for this weekend that mean I have to change other plans – and this is okay. Sovereignty!
Weekend plans are for “something *I* really want to do ~ a challenge from my therapist to my “monsters of I don’t deserve this” ~ and it will be Okay ~ Awesome, even!
An important thing that needed to be done has been done. It was hard and it was good, and it was less hard because a woman with power used her power. The Obstacle was cut out of the entire process. She (the Obstacle) did us a favor, though she didn’t intend to. If/when I ever see her again, I may remember speak kindly to her if I can remember this.
Maybe some day I will see that This Turned Out Hilariously Beautifully Just Right In The Most Unexpected Ways. Not yet. It’s Right and it was Unexpected but I don’t yet see Hilarious or Beautiful.
September 11 has acquired a personal significance.
I’ve hit a rough patch in my relationship with my sisters.
I scheduled “Porch Days” to take advantage of the good weather.
I have new ideas about the house and what I want to do.
Operation Getaway Gateway Hatchway turns out to be a Mission, involving several Operations: progress is being made on Op Look, Op Books, and Op Wash, and lots of progress on internal aspects of the Mission.
We found no joy sparks in two items that count as “family clutter” and let them go.
What’s working?
Operation Dragonwings is super super super working.
Flailing also seems to somehow be working, in its flailtastically flaily flailicious way.
Idea Party is working because Idea Party always works. I’m pretty sure it works even when it’s not Idea Party. Either that, or it’s always Idea Party. Possibly and/or. Remembering that. Yes.
I think other things may also be working. Very. Very. Very. Slowly.
Next time I might….
try having a Ladder or even an Elevator ready to go for when I enter Swamp Mode. (IDEA! IDEA! YAY IDEA! NOT REQUIRED! JUST AN IDEA YAY IDEA!)
doing Entry before going to [any Scary Place]. Even if I don’t think I need to. Even if I think everything will be fine. [Noticing that there’s a pattern of XDE, which maps back to Monsters which is where the possibility of Truth gets dismissed, and that tends to lead to ungoodness.]
Breathing for the Tangles, the Mysteries, the Conundra.
+Breathing for the Mystery of the Swamp Pterodactyl. Holy fucking fuck. Breathing for how I didn’t see it. Breathing for the me who [verb]s it and who [verb]s from it. Breathing for the Broken Pteam. Breathing for all the things I didn’t fuck up. Breathing for the Lentils. Breathing, and breathing, and breathing some more.
+Breathing for the Mystery of the Dry Markers. Breathing for the me who ran away from the question Mark. Breathing from the me who ran toward it. Breathing for the fear, the anger, the despair.
+Breathing for the Mystery of the Coral Triad Chateau. Breathing for the homogeneity. Breathing for the classism. Breathing for the invisibility. Breathing for the mystery of how can I love and need this so much and still sit by with this stuff going on? Breathing, again, for the invisibility.
+Breathing for the Mystery of the Fictional Character. I see you, Mystery. I breathe for how you are and how you feel and how I found you.
+Breathing for the Mystery of General Swampmus. So it is.
+Breathing for the Mystery of the Royal Flush. Perhaps there is a clue. Perhaps I don’t want it. Breathing for not wanting.
+Breathing for the Mystery of the Fourth Point. Breathing for the me who wants to beLong. Breathing for the me who doesn’t. Breathing for the me who ALSO doesn’t, the other kind.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Banana Peel. Breathing for the next chapter to begin.
Breathing in, breathing out. Breathing in, breathing out.
Breathing for the Donuts, the Sparklings, the Delights.
+Breathing for Operation Dragonwings. WHOOOOOO/WHEWWWWW!!
+Breathing for the Agents of Agency. Breathing for the me who wishes more and more AoAness. Breathing for whatever I’m doing that keeps the Agency together.
+Breathing for the YKZ Experiment. Breathing for the Idea Party, a thing all unto itself!
+Breathing for the 8A2 Experiment.
+Breathing for the Superpower of The Lights Are On. 😉 😉 <3
+Breathing for some fascinating investigations of the vestibulary sort, and the delightful clues which have resulted from such.
+Breathing for Agent Kyrie and the Magic of Magic.
+Breathing for the Me Who Can Do The Stuff.
Breathing in, breathing out. Breathing in, breathing out.
And my fake band of the week is: The Emo Face Melts!