I so liked this post from Lisa Sonora Beam of things she is too shy to tell us. Lisa!
In the past I have avoid the “X things you don’t know about me” genre because you guys already know so many screwed up personal things about me, like how I met my duck and talk to monsters and lived in an abandoned building in East Berlin and have multiple selves who have secret lairs.
And because the rest always seems too obvious and therefore boring (I don’t eat sugar! I make my own conditioner! I italicize too much!)
Also, the stuff I NEVER tell you is stuff I never tell you for a reason, so yeah, obviously I’m not going to tell you now either.
But her post struck a nerve with its sweet shyness that I relate to too much.
So: some things you might not know that don’t fall under Shockingly Dull (Or: I Cannot Ever Say This Online Or Anywhere).
A note about “shy”.
I don’t really so much identify with shy as misanthropic but whatever. I am an extreme introvert who dislikes a) noise and b) being around more than a couple people at a time and c) most people, in general. Hmmm. Yeah, okay, I guess I’m shy.
Actually, highly sensitive is (for me) the accurate term. So maybe start there?
I am a highly sensitive person.
It was a huge relief to read Elaine Aron’s book Highly Sensitive People and realize there was a word for what I am, and that there is a world of people who are strange in the way that I am strange.
I actually called my brother and said, “Someone wrote a biography of us!”
It explained a lot.
Things that make me crazy.
Car alarms. That truck-backing-up-beeping sound. The phrase “stop crying”.
I always have ear plugs with me.
Usually a spare pair too, if you need one.
I am weird about words.
No kidding. I’m the only biggified blogger I know who has to have a Glossary.
And, unsurprisingly, most of my idiosyncracies are word-related.
Oh, just a tiny smattering of the many words that are physically painful for me to see or hear:
diphthong, caulk, childish, Whig, magenta.
Also: coagulate, dextrose, mercenary.
A word that make me giggle: Stopcock. So funny! I am six years old.
I am not susceptible to whatever biological and/or cultural programming makes people want to give birth to other smaller people.
Actually, I find it fascinating that people reproduce, in any way other than by accident.
I am also — not knowing what it is like any other way — quite happy to have missed that gene or not been influenced by social pressure or whatever it is that makes people do this thing whose appeal clearly must exist and yet is not apparent to me.
And I find it extremely odd when people imply that I will “change my mind”, as if this is a decision that I actively made and not a simple truth of my life.
But one of my favorite things to do is baby-watch.
I like to sit in a cafe and make silly faces at wide-eyed infants and wave at the chubby toddlers in their stripey pants.
Do not sit with me in a cafe if you want to talk, because I will probably be too busy baby-watching.
Babies! Astonishing and charming and endlessly entertaining. I like being around them and loving them and wishing them wonderful things.
I dislike and resent being asked what I do.
This is why I studiously avoid most situations in which I need to meet people who do not already know who I am.
I also avoid marketing people who think I need an elevator speech.
Believe me, I would rather be phobic of elevators for the rest of my life than spend the time figuring out what I do. I want what I do to be able to change. All the time. And to never have to talk about it.
It’s probably also why I like babies. They’ve never asked me that. Not once.
I also don’t know what I do.
And I don’t care.
Luckily I make very good money not knowing what I do, so I’ve given myself permission to stop worrying about it. And I wasn’t kidding. I don’t take elevators. But not because of elevator speeches. That would be stupid.
Speaking of elevators, once I got trapped in an elevator. In Poland.
Which is basically the worst place to get trapped in an elevator.
Switzerland would be nice. Except that elevators don’t break in Switzerland. Ever. Extra points for Switzerland!
We were stuck between floors. In between. The guy I was stuck in the elevator with was having a massive panic attack and screaming WE’RE GOING TO DIE! WE’RE GOING TO DIE IN POLAND!
He got so upset and frantic that he started jumping, which made the elevator shake and then sink about a foot. Unpleasant. Eventually some people came and got the door open and pulled us up and out.
But that’s not why I don’t take elevators either.
I like to walk. I dislike confined spaces. I don’t see the point.
I moved living situations over thirty times between the age of twenty and thirty.
It sucked.
Once I got propositioned by my landlord, who wanted me to work for him as a call girl.
I wish I could say that was my worst living situation but it wasn’t.
I love water.
But not being in it. Looking at it.
Actually, there are lots of things in my life like this.
For example, I obsess over basketball and love watching Roller Derby (my duck and I sponsor a team!) but I would rather die than play a team sport. Well, any sport. But team sports specifically.
Or: I love teaching retreats and workshops. But going to one? Ohmygod.
I don’t see why I need to be good at “public” speaking.
I’m brilliant at it when it’s talking to my people. And I’m absolutely fine speaking to hundreds and probably thousands of people if they’re already fans of what I do.
But the thought of talking to people who aren’t my people — who don’t even know my duck?! — is both terrifying and not interesting at the same time.
People keep telling me I need to get over this. But I don’t see why I should have to. If you happen to know, please don’t tell me.
I am not adventurous.
I like routine. Once I know what I like, I don’t need to try other things.
No one believes me when I say this because I have moved countries three times and done all sorts of extremely bizarre and unlikely things in my life.
But, for example, during the two weeks I just spent in Taos I went to the same restaurant every night, sat at the same table and ordered the exact same thing.
It was lovely.
Someone once told me that Picasso was exactly like that.
I have no idea if that’s true but it was extremely reassuring to hear.
I don’t like it when people refer to fear as “irrational”.
If you’re scared of something, you’re scared of it.
I don’t care whether or not I know or remember the reason. And I don’t necessarily need to figure out what’s going on. It’s my fear and therefore it makes sense and is legitimate.
I feel very strongly about this.
Things I am RATIONALLY afraid of which (the fears, not the things) do not always make sense to other people:
Men with facial hair. Not all men with facial hair. But a lot of them.
Vans. RVs. Also cars with tinted windows.
Someone kidnapping my duck.
Getting sick.
Being grabbed by the elbow. I will hurt you if you ever do this to me and that would be a terrible thing so do not test this.
Things I talk to:
Trees. Dead people. Walls. Not just internal walls but the partitions that make up buildings. Myself.
I do not like surprises.
I also don’t ever answer the phone or open the door, so if you want to surprise me you’re going to be disappointed.
Oh and I got carded last week.
That was AWESOME. And bizarre.
Much blushing and batting of eyelashes ensued. Flattery will get you everywhere, apparently.
Also I really like being divorced.
There is such freedom in knowing what you don’t want.
Running out of things so I will add that I have a degree in History from Tel Aviv University.
I have nothing to add to that.
That’s got to be enough, right?
That’s 23 things.
I think. Not so good at counting.
Ha. If you add that one, it’s twenty-four things. I don’t know that I can come up with more.
Comment zen for today…
You know what would be nice? I would like to know a thing or things about you too.
Unless you don’t feel like it, in which case, that’s fine by me.
Really, if I were going to add a twenty-fifth thing it would probably be that I hardly ever comment on people’s blogs because I never know what to say.
So here we are. We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. Sometimes reading about someone else’s stuff sets off our own stuff. That’s what destuckification is all about.
Part of the way we let everyone have their own experience is by not giving advice, unless people specifically ask for it.
Here’s a specific request, related to that: I really do not wish to be told that actually having children is marvelous. I’m sure it is. For someone who is not me.
You are welcome to have your way. And I need space for my way to be legitimate too.
Love to all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
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Hello Havi!
Some amall facts upon your request
1. I am a big fan of yours.
2. I am not normally a fan of being someone’s fan. Not of hollywood celebraties (ew) anyway.
3. I tell people about you all the time. People who don’t read blogs and have never heard of talking to your monsters.
4. I have a Moleskine notebook devoted to “Havi stuff”, which is all about metaphor mousing, VPA-ing, having conversations with my inner witch called Edna.
5. I also moved places a lot in the past 10 years; around; 14 places and 4 countries so far between 17 and 26.
6. I’d so love to show up at your Pirate Studio one of these coming years; once i’ve made enough moneys to travel 🙂
7. I am a PhD student, thinking about research networks in the university environment.
8. I live in Belgium
9. I am Dutch
10. I am an HSP person in denial.
Thanks so much Havi for writing about your thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brave brave brave
and much appreciation by me
xxx Hannah
Such a wonderful post, Havi! OK, I’ll play!
Things you may not know about me…
1. I’m really an 18th century lady at heart. Salon, anyone?
2. I, too, started freelancing with calligraphy. then moved into celtic artwork/stationary (and right back out), and then into technical writing. I’ve always wanted to color for a living.
3. I don’t have a favorite color, but I do have colors, much like you’d choose them for a wedding… these follow me like heraldry, and have for years.
4. I hated the social aspect of the SCA (http://sca.org), although I love the idea of the society!
5. When I was 5, my teacher assigned me the task of bringing in a word that started with “A” for class the next day. She wasn’t happy when I rattled off “antidisestablishmentarianism” and could spell it. They put “apple” on the board instead. I think that was my first hint that my weird love of language was something that wasn’t generally accepted in the mainstream.
6. On that note, I’m also the only person I know who enjoyed reading the Scarlet Letter in high school…
.-= Romilly´s last post … YARN!!!! =-.
Oh, this is so much fun!
A couple of things about me:
1. I am pretty much always covered in dog hair. And I really just don’t care.
2. I like to drive with the windows rolled down and the stereo blasting, even when it’s 100 degrees outside. And I sing along at the top of my lungs. Consider yourself warned.
3. I haven’t ever known “what I want to be when I grow up,” and I think it’s kinda ridiculous that people think there should only be ONE thing that I am passionate about doing.
4. If someone gave me a dictionary of etymology, I’d read it from cover to cover.
.-= Sherron´s last post … The one who started it all =-.
“I don’t really so much identify with shy as misanthropic but whatever.”
That killed me. Even the lack of punctuation was artful.
Thank you for the antic waywardness of many of your biographical notes.
I didn’t get carded last week, and I’m still blushing.
Really enjoyed this post and all the awesome comments. So many “me too” moments…
I didn’t get the mommy gene either. I had a hysterectomy when I was 28. I may have shocked my surgeon when he tried to “break the bad news.” I was like: “YAHOO!” Best. Thing. Ever.
Fear of falling and breaking teeth? I didn’t even realize I *had* that until I read it here.
Too many menu choices? That explains my love/hate relationship with vegetarian restaurants. Acck! I can eat *everything* here. So much easier when my only choices are a veggie burger or a salad.
And one I haven’t seen (yet): I have NO sense of direction. I get lost in office buildings all the time. I don’t think I could ever have a cube-dwelling job because I wouldn’t remember which one was mine. I’d be wandering around aimlessly, trying to nonchalantly find my desk after going to the washroom.
.-= Patty K´s last post … I survived a non-sucky networking event =-.
Ah, these little idiosyncrasies that are the spice of life (OK, sometimes a little TOO spicy, but still…) I considered a blog entry of this for myself, but this feels much safer (and easier – hey, it’s *right here*).
Lots of nodding, and “me too-ing” in these comments. And @PattyK – you are not alone. I used to wear an ace bandage on my right hand just to remind myself which was direction was right. Now I live in a big grid where everyone seems to know where “north” is. So, I look everything up and print out a map, directions, and nearby street names before I go anywhere. Because I’m also terrified of asking strangers for directions.
Here are some of mine, with the “why” parts excluded:
• Every morning I go through my email and mark every new message as “read” even if I don’t read it. If it’s super important, I’ll flag it or answer it right away.
• I have to fold all t-shirts like at a store – logo on front, sleeves and back tucked neatly underneath.
• I cannot stand babies. Bad parents also drive me nuts – you went to all this trouble to bring the thing into the world, take care of it! (and keep it quiet in public, thankyouverymuch)
• I’m easily startled and have been known to emit a very-girlie scream when surprised by something as innocuous as a moth or my husband.
• I’m clumsy. I’m constantly falling, breaking things, spilling beverages, staining clothes. And if one more person tells me to be more mindful, I’m gonna punch ’em.
Fun stuff!
Havi – thanks again for creating the space for us to share our weirdnesses.
I loved this post. And I can totally relate to not commenting much in other people’s blogs for not knowing what to say. I know it’s “good business” but it’s so much more challenging than say…talking to myself. Then again, I’ve noticed that I pulled away from my blog posts as I got more active with my FB page. I really do need to remedy that.
.-= Katy´s last post … Christine Kane- No Such Thing As Girls Like That =-.
I’ve been a fan of Brooks for almost half of my life. And I’d like to think she’s a fan of mine. This is odd because we are, to put it mildly, dissimilar. The only things we have in common are words, whiskey, and White Stripes. So I thought it would be fun to list 10 ways in which I am not like Brooks, which you probably don’t know about me. Or Brooks for that matter.
1. I like looking at my baby, who is very cute. Other people’s babies . . . meh.
2. I like being in the water. I was in the ocean yesterday. I was nice.
3. I am not highly sensitive. I’m actually highly de-sensitive, which is probably just as bad. It does come in handy however in places like China and India. I imagine the streets of Mumbai are hell for the highly sensitive.
4. I do not file by Chakra. (I know I’m not supposed to be judgmental in the comments, but seriously Brooks, Chakras? You are a hippie nerd.)
5. Brooks is a hippie nerd (no TV, likes to write stories), while I am a classic nerd (comic books, built my own transistor radio, never kissed a girl in high school, cliché, cliché, etc). The best example of this is that Brooks wrote a Monster Manual coloring book about metaphysical monsters, whereas I own the original Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual by Gary Gygax (2nd edition).
6. I enjoy making 1/48 scale models of WWII fighter planes. I suspect Brooks would find this to be a silly endeavour.
7. I like sugar. Especially high fructose corn syrup in Coca Cola, my one and only addiction.
8. I like elevators. Did you know that the Otis elevator company was not started by the inventor of the elevator but rather by the man who invented the mechanism that stopped the elevator if the cables broke? Did you also know that previous to the invention of the elevator social classes in Paris were stratified vertically, with the wealthy on lower floors and the poor servants on the top floor, and that the elevator literally turned this social order upside down? I like elevators.
9. I don’t get Twitter. I know Brooks says it’s like a bar, but I think we use bars for different reasons. Brooks goes to a bar to interact socially. I go to a bar to drink and listen to loud music. Twitter won’t get me drunk, and does not play Iggy Pop at high volumes.
10. I am possibly the worst dancer in Canada. I married a dance instructor out of sheer perversity. Brooks on the other hand is quite graceful and has good posture.
Entertaining and comforting, both! Thank you, Havi. 🙂
Some of mine:
1) The Television Newscaster/Field Reporter Voice –you know the one– bothers me to no end. Who teaches them to speak this way?
2) I often hide from my dear friends when I spot them in a public place. Without even thinking, I will duck into the next aisle before they’ve seen me. And yet I love them.
3) I played guitar in a band when I was 13.
4) I can read and write in Bengali script but get tongue-tied when I speak it.
5) My favorite smell is rain.
.-= Rupa´s last post … Eat Pray Love- The Challenge of Hinduism in Hollywood =-.
Hi Havi,
Thank you for opening this space. Here are a few of mine:
*I knew from an early age that I did NOT want children. I’ve never had the biological urge or wanted to parent small beings. People often told me I’d change my mind when I turned 30, met the right guy, grew out of my selfishness, etc. I am in my 40s, and am so glad I did not cave to cultural programming. I LOVE my freedom and am so glad I honored a basic truth about myself.
*I had a reconciliation conversation with a tree after a car accident. I was driving home late one night, and hit a tree. My car flipped on its side on impact, and I walked away with minor injuries. After I recovered, I went back to the tree, apologized for injuring it, thanked it for very likely saving my life (there was a metal grounding rod a few feet from the tree), and sat with it in quiet stillness for a while.
*Being physically held down scares me. I do not allow anyone to hold me down, even if it’s meant to be playful. Anyone who does not honor that is not one of my right people.
Diva Goddess
I so enjoyed this, Havi. Thank you. As much as I learn from and appreciate the biggification/destuckification writing you do, I’d love to read your autobiography some day. Just putting it out there.
I’m going to mull over doing a new version of this since there are things I can say now that I couldn’t in 2006. If I get to it, I’ll post a link back here. In the meantime, here are my 33 Things from 2006. Still quite accurate. #18-an elevator so small I refused to get into it.
Feel kindred to most of yours, no doubt part of why I’m here. Cheers.
.-= claire´s last post … Heres lookin at you- kid =-.
I am both comforted and horrified by how many of these quirks I share…
Ear plugs can save lives. Sometimes I ask my students to talk to each other and then realize I may want them all to stop immediately, so instead I put in my ear plugs and no one has to explode. Or implode. Or die.
I absolutely fear losing my 2 front teeth AND the dentist. Why? I have no idea.
@ElizabethHalt – not to worry, I am doing all your swearing for you.
I loved Lisa’s “low tolerance for the ridiculous” – I may have to make that into a t-shirt and wear it the first day of school.
.-= Tami´s last post … Saturday Senses =-.
Wow 61 comments! Normally that would be enough for me not to leave a comment because whose going to read it? But Havi said this:
Which is why I am having a tubal ligation Aug. 26. I want to go off the pill, and I’m way too paranoid to use another form of birth control, and there will be no accidents in this uterus. I recently came out of the child-free closet on my blog. It was scary, but I got lots of support and encouragement, and no mean or hateful comments. Whew.
Havi, here’s my definition of the biological clock: A societal (and church) myth that tries to convince women their primary purpose in life is to breed. Yes, I am that cynical. I’m 40, and I want kids less now then I did at 30. At 30 I at least entertained the idea…fleetingly.
For a long time I didn’t know if I wanted to get married: I loved the freedom I had when I was single.
I talk to lots of things too: The Cat, the TV, the radio, the computer, the floor (when I’m trying to remember why I walked into a room), and myself. I get weird looks in the store when I’m muttering to myself trying to remember stuff, and yes, I have a list.
I love it when I’m grocery shopping and they’re pumping in 80s music, and I’m not the only one singing going up and down the aisles. Lots of children of the 80s where I live. This makes me happy.
I knew I was going to marry my husband no matter what it took when he told me: “You are intellectually sexy.” It’s still that best damn compliment anyone has ever given me, and I still become a romantic, gushy mess when I think of it.
I didn’t think I had a romantic bone in my body until The Hubby and I started dating. He turned me into a pathetic romantic puddle who giggles when he leaves bows of red ribbon for me to find in my coffee cup. Part of my brain says, “You pathetic loser. What the hell is wrong with you?” My heart yells back, “Shut the fuck up!” (What? I’m Irish AND Italian. My heart loves that word.) Then I giggle some more.
I am a Geek, and I have a t-shirt to prove it. One night we were watching Mythbusters, and Carrie had a shirt that spelled out Geek in Greek letters. I have called myself a Greek Geek for years–every since I fell in love with Greek in college. And no I don’t have a problem saying how many years ago: 16 years ago. I jumped up and down on the couch and yelled, “I have to have that shirt!” My Geek of a Hubby got it for me for Valentine’s Day.
Well this is going to be a long comment. I might have to copy it over to my blog as a post.
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last post … Ronna Detrick- Learning to say no in order to say yes =-.
Ohmygoodness. Best thing I have read in the last few days: “it creeps out parents, especially when I mention that I’m mindmelding with their spawn.” Tara you rock. If I would’ve been drinking something the laptop would dead. And I wish I had this superpower.
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last post … Ronna Detrick- Learning to say no in order to say yes =-.
Williemonster said:
Me too! Squeeeee! This really is the coolest group of people ever. The main character in my head became the main character of my first novel (which I still need to finish, next project after The Damn Book Proposal gets done).
I know I’m leaving way too many comments, but there is just too much awesomeness on this thread to not say anything! May be I should’ve read the thread before leaving my first comment.
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last post … Ronna Detrick- Learning to say no in order to say yes =-.
Thank you for sharing your (partial) list, Havi.
Mine?
Seriously freaked by spiders. Not so much by snakes.
Seriously love my babies (even though my body didn’t)and other people’s babies, but can wait for my kids to have babies (they’re teens).
Watching kids dance (or move through patterns like tae kwon do) makes me suddenly cry. Hard. Like have to leave the room so as not to embarrass myself.
I have a secret sign outside my house for felines in distress. I am a full-fledged cat person, but dogs seem to think I like them too. I usually don’t have the heart to tell them they aren’t my thing.
Mountains over ocean, any day. Lakes and small rivers over ocean too. Not a fan of big, flat rivers either. The best water is in a bathtub.
Bridges scare me. (height and water – Marquam bridge in Portland? Guaranteed freak out, especially once the fencing disappears.) I am married to a bridge designer. I drive across them, he examines them as I do. Much better than him looking at them as he drives.
I love the idea of retreats, like Taos. But please, please, please give me lots of time to escape so I can feel comfortable spending a little bit of time with the big group.
I don’t like improv. Or karaoke. Don’t ask me to do it. Ranks right up there with oral surgery.
Much more, but the brain is mushy tonight.
Thanks again, Havi 🙂
1. I dislike people, and leaving the house.
But if you take me away from everything I know it’s like a huge adventure and I need to explore EVERYTHING and be outside ALL THE TIME. (Unless it’s, like, exploring malls/museums and such – you know what I mean!) I was one of the kids everyone ignored in school, but who came alive during camp. Because of this, I feel more at home when I’m not.
2. I hate phones. I just do. I’ve learned I can cope just fine with them if my mother pretty much chucks it at me saying somebody just called before bolting, but otherwise… no.
3. If I don’t know somebody, I have trouble understanding what they’re saying. But once I get to know them, I can hear them fine.
4. I often say “Huh?” reflexively, after somebody’s said something, when I actually heard what they said but am still trying to understand it. Everyone repeats themselves anyway.
5. I hate falling asleep in a room with an open door. I also hate sitting with my back to a room/window, but if I had to choose between having my back to the window or my back to a room, I’d keep my back to the room. I don’t know why.
6. I want to travel with ferrets when I’m older, but I know travelling is not a lifestyle that is ferret friendly.
7. I have social anxiety, but I almost never get nervous before talking to somebody. It’s after I talk to somebody that I get freaked.
8. I have a phobia of schools. It wasn’t because I was bullied, either – I suffered very little bullying. I just hated it and was terrified of it. I loathe the idea that children should be spending their days between walls staring at chalkboards instead of living life. In fact, I don’t want to look at another textbook ever again. I don’t want to go to uni. I don’t want my HS degree.
For that reason, if I ever have children, I’ll be travelling around the world with them and teaching them *that* way.
I also talk to trees and other plants too. And dead people. Never walls, but I love the idea. Will try it out.
.-= Kate T.W.´s last post … Cake or Death =-.
Havi,
I am listening to your Copywriting Magic Recording, and I would love to see you write a book.
Are you familiar with Louise Hay’s writings, I wonder?
Be well 🙂
Amy
.-= Amy Martin´s last post … Don’t Let Your Website Be Like Barbie – All Style And No Substance =-.
Hi Havi –
I’m shy and introverted and my husband and I are about to go completely public about our years of dealing with infertility. We are distributing 1,000 dolls around the city of Jerusalem in a piece called Yad Shniyah (www.yadshniyah.com). We’re closing the baby door and getting on with other kinds of production.
Your posts and destuckification ideas have been really helpful! I like how open you are about the non-perfect aspects and that they don’t detract from your innate perfection.
thanks
Rachel
Oh, this is so liberating. I just thought it was me being weird. And as for “irrational” – well those things might not be a big deal for others but they’re certainly real for those who are bothered by them.
I heartily dislike:
Eggs
The ringing telephone
Things made out of rubber
Crowds
Nights out with friends where the music is so loud that you can’t even hold a conversation
Surprise parties – it was my birthday yesterday and I went out for a quiet meal with my boyfriend – wonderful!
The word “moist”
Weddings – even when I feel happy for the people they raise so many emotions which in turn make me feel embarrassed in case I make a fool of myself in public
Most social gatherings in fact!
But I don’t really mind and actually quite like:
Thunderstorms
Spiders
Getting older – I had a funny turn about turning 30, but now I’m happy that I’m older.
Flying (but you can keep airports – urgh!)
Quiet days – where I do very little and refuse to feel guilty
I love being an introvert. I love living inside my head 🙂
.-= Kate´s last post … You don’t know what you’re missing… =-.
I am totally with you on water (looking at, not being in), no-such-thing-as-“irrational”-fears, and loving babies because they are deeply interested in who you ARE, not what you do-for-a-living (and if you were to give them an elevator speech they’d be absorbed in utter fascination by how your mouth moves, or the sonorous quality of your voice, or something very tangible and right-now).
A thing about me: I am a notebook-and-sketchbook freak. I love writing by hand, making notes and sketches and marks and pasting things onto a page with other things and getting excited about the unexpected juxtaposition of those two things. I have many years’ worth of journal notebooks, sketchbooks, and notebooks (or sometimes binders) to contain information on a particular topic or theme. These notebooks live in various states of completion and disarray. They’re messy, because my process is messy. I adore my notebooks and I get extremely happy when someone else gives me a glimpse into their notebook-or-sketchbook world.
Also, I am enthusiastically supportive of the judicious use of hyphens.
.-= Tracy´s last post … I feel more human when I play =-.
Havi!
I’m so excited for this post! I have not read it yet, but I already know I will love it. I just scrolled down to see if you would actually tell us point things about yourself… And you did!!!
You and your openness are enablers for me to give myself liscence to entertain the quirks that are part of my own authentic experience of this life.
Hells yes!! xo
Ok, I LOVE this post! For the last few years I have been struggling with who I’m supposed to be! I’ve been incredibly frustrated, read tons of books and blogs and meditated and cried (stop crying IS infuriating!)and come up with nothing that fits! How can just a few words here unstick me so simply? I don’t have to be anything other than exactly who I am, right now, today. Tomorrow, I will probably be a slightly different version of who I am today. Wow! Thanks!
What a great post and wonderful comments! I can’t tell you how many times I thought ‘me too!’.
@jon: nice way of putting things.
Here are my mostly unknown characteristics:
Like many here, I’m not inclined to reproduce for various reasons, though I have given myself permission to reconsider at any given time. However, multiple people have independently predicted that I will have two children, 2 boys, by swinging a pendulum over my wrist. I am currently single and happy about that for the majority of time. Here’s what weirdly connects the three statements above: the pendulum children prediction thing reassures me that there is a Right Gentleman out there for me, who I will meet at some time, even though I don’t want to produce children.
I used to think that I was opinion-less. Now I know that I do have opinionz, but only when I have sufficient information and a good grasp of the subject. I don’t trust people with strong one-liner opinions about everything.
Most people think I’m older than I am.
I like visiting family and friends in foreign countries and experience those places from the point of view of a (temporary) local. I like wandering through strange cities and stay at one location for a while. I’m much less interested in travelling for the sake of travelling, changing hotels every few nights, and checking off must-see places (who says I must see, anyway?). Wherever I travel, I make pictures of public statues with the sun coming from behind.
Oh, wow, I’m kind of scared to do this. But I will anyway.
My uterus and I have the opposite problem. We want children very badly, and I firmly believe that raising children is the most important job I could have. Most of my friends have no interest in them and cannot understand why I would want to reproduce (or adopt or foster if reproducing isn’t an option). I don’t have a moral problem with either stance, so long as everyone recognizes that there are different consequences to each choice, and everyone lives with that. (For example, if someone takes time off to raise children, they’re going to be further behind in a job than someone who didn’t. If someone didn’t have children, they don’t have a moral right to be supported by somebody else’s children in their old age. This seems simple and fair to me, and I fail to understand why people fuss so much over it.)
I love to sew (and do more or less any such hobby involving string).
I love to keep home. If I get stressed, the easiest way for me to calm down is to clean something or organize something.
Still, I do not consider myself “domestic.” Someone called me that in college and it felt like an insult. So instead, I am just me. I try not to mind. I’d say I was born in the wrong era, except then I could not have contact lenses or allergy medication. That wouldn’t do either.
I love being with people but they make me tired. Also I am scared of everyone (even people I like). I suspect that has something to do with the tired, but I’m not sure.
I am glad that there is someone else in the world who doesn’t mind repetition with food. Thank you, Havi!
Nobody calls me Beth, but I always kind of liked that name. So I sign it that way online, because it seems like a good way to get to use it.
And that’s pretty much me. Happy Thursday!
I’m inspired after reading everybody’s post. So here it goes:
I can’t wear perfume, they all either smell like moth-spray or cat-pee on me.
I still remember the girl who gave me my first Cheetoh: her name was Connie (I was born and raised in Switzerland, moved to the States when I was 18.)
I talk to my plants.
Until my 30’s, I never liked the sound of my voice. I refused to record an outgoing message on our answering machine.
I am learning the balance between “sovereignty” and “marriage”.
And thanks for saying it: not wanting to have children doesn’t mean one doesn’t like children.
Such fun to read! Maybe especially because some of the things are my own things that I hadn’t even put into words before.
About me:
– I hate leaving messages.
– I crave different food for several weeks and then change. Right now, it’s bacon. Couple weeks ago: avocado.
– I know an insane amount of personal and professional information about Steve Avery, a Braves pitcher I crushed on in 4th grade. I am now 29 and remember it all.
– I have a very shallow interest in sports – hot men.
– I don’t understand why more women aren’t interested in sports.
– I want to make more money so that I can have as many massages a month as I want, attend yoga class twice a week, and take long vacations.
– Stirring when I cook makes me feel horny. I wish it had a Like Water for Chocolate affect on what I’m cooking.
– The smell of basil makes me insanely happy.
– I used to be really snotty about ‘mainstream’ music, movies & books – until I realized I like some of it.
– I finally convinced myself it was better to go to the library than buy brand new books and never save money. Now I have a huge library list but I haven’t been yet.
– I really want a best friend in my life who embodies Susan Sarandon’s character in Bull Durham.
– I am dying to take a 2 week vacation to California and Oregon.
– I’d also like to take a month long vacation to Europe.
– I think I’d read absolutely anything that Havi writes:)
xoxox
I have adored reading everyone’s posts, and I agree with so many of them!
I love kids, but I too am unsure about, you know, having actual ones of my own. I worry some days that this makes me cold and unfeeling, so I love seeing everyone’s statements here about this. Some days I feel awkward because I can’t imagine a kid better than my dog, but I don’t tell people this.
I have chronic fatigue syndrome, and am now medication free for four years. I eat decently, and run/work out enough to beat my body and immune system into submission.
Ever since I was a kid I have prepared for various stressful scenarios by running them through my head like a movie, complete with appropriate soundtrack music.
I am a total klutz. I have no less than three major splash burns from coffee or tea on my body.
I didn’t realize I wanted to be a writer until six months after I had become a full time writer.
I hate ice cream, cake, and chocolate. Nothing will convince me otherwise. It makes birthdays/special occasions awkward.
I want the things that money buys, but I feel guilty about pitching my business to people anyway.
.-= Holly´s last post … The One Thing Brick And Mortar Businesses Are Beating Us At =-.
Havi! What fun. I love the strong message that it’s not only acceptable to be uniquely whoever we are, it’s inspiring.
Hmmm, so many good ones have been taken…
– I am absolutely awkward and uncomfortable in a group setting where I don’t know many people, especially if mingling is happening. But, put those same people in an audience, and me on stage giving a talk and I’m animated and joyful.
– I’m a puzzle person. Word games, logic problems… ahhh, they relax me.
– I often feel that I don’t fit in among the various situations of my life, but oddly, others think I fit in just fine. Is it that I haven’t yet found my people?
Hugs,
Sandy
I also have NO idea what it is that I do. I do a lot of things that make up whatever it is that I do. I usually just tell people “I do whatever I want”. They usually just look at me like I’m an ass, but that’s ok.
My favorite color is blue. Not just any blue – old school Crayola blue.
When I was 4 we lived in a very bad apartment complex and my parents would never let me leave the front view of our apartment. I always hated this. One day I decided to walk around the other apartments just to see what else was around.
I remember seeing guys standing around arguing, drinking things from brown paper bags and smoking cigarettes. I was walking in the middle of the road and stopped when I saw a blue Crayola melting on the street. It was really hot and the crayon had formed into a half crayon half puddle kind of thing. I was amazed.
I’m not sure if it’s because it was my first adventure or the cool blue shape of the crayon, but it’s my most memorable childhood memory.
Blue has been my favorite color ever since.
.-= Andy Fogarty´s last post … The 4 Step Process To Building Your Own 40-000 F You Fund =-.
Havi, you are so lovely. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to know you and your writing. Thank you!
A few things about me, off the top of my head…
I am so very HSP, yet can be incredibly gregarious and social in doses
I instinctively want to love everyone around me, this freaks people out, especially other HSPs
The words stinky and cheese spoken together make me laugh, yet also disgust me at the same time
When I see Kurt Russell’s face I think ‘stinky cheese’ cuz it always looks like he just smelled some.
I play guitar and sing but if you asked me to play a song and sing it for you I wouldn’t be able to. This is because I learn songs for a week and then get bored, move onto others and promptly forget the ones I learned before.
I do not drink alcohol.
I adore food and coffee.
I love moving my body. I think I was a dancer in a past life.
I think you are fascinating and exquisite.
: )
This is so awesome and made of win. This is why I read this blog! (Even if I don’t comment much.)
-Fears: aliens and mannequins. aliens are much worse than mannequins, but mannequins creep me out and I don’t like being around them in dark places. and it’s not ALL aliens, just some of them. Chewbacca is okay, E.T. is not.
-I also talk to trees and sometimes dead people. We recently moved to Austin and while I’m not a big fan of the people back home (in rural SW Missouri), I very much miss being surrounded by trees.
-I’m actually an extrovert (ENFP), but I identify with a lot of the HSP things. I hate hate hate having the tv on as background noise, or any kind of background noise that involves words (music, too). This distracts me. I also don’t really get the idea of background noise at all.
-But I like having white noise for sleeping/meditating. But things like waves or the dishwasher/AC running, not the radio. (I can’t fall asleep listening to the radio, because of the words in the music. I once had to at a friend’s house because I was too polite to ask her to turn it off, and it was the worst sleep ever.)
That’s all I’ve got for now. Love these comments, it makes me feel less alone in my weirdiness. 🙂
.-= Michelle´s last post … Link Roundup =-.
Thanks, Havi, for permission as always.
I have one son and love having ONE son. I get lectured often by others who think it is awful to have ONE child. “What will happen when you’re old?” “Only children are selfish.” Blah, blah, blah. I got the one child gene and the kid is a-ok so far.
The kid and I have vastly different personalities. I”m an introvert and can be a HSP (but not always). The kid is 100% extrovert and wants noise and action and people all the time. We admittedly stress each other out at times (he knows this at 6 years old and is fine with it).
I love not having a “real” job. I make good money doing what I like to do. It rocks, but makes no sense to most of my family and friends.
I’m most at peace near the ocean. Living by the ocean is a “must do before I die”
I talk to my cat. He’s cute and not so bright so I get to say whatever I want and he thinks I”m cool.
Yeah, that’s probably enough…. 🙂
.-= Susan´s last post … Four Steps to Your Next Generation Health Care Practice =-.
Wrote a new things list for my blog. More in depth this time, so I only got up to 19. Some good tidbits though.
Also, “Actually, I find it fascinating that people reproduce, in any way other than by accident” made me laugh because in my peer group, there have been several accidents. Welcomed, but still, you gotta pay attention to stuff. Sex ed, anyone?! Sigh.
.-= claire´s last post … Heres lookin at you- kid =-.
i am terrible, beyond terrible at math. like, d minuses all the way through school and almost not getting into college bad. it’s funny–i’m a teacher now, and if i had a student doing as poorly as i did, i would have talked to the parents about testing for dysgraphia, but that just wasn’t something that happened back then.
i love romance novels. i have particular favorite authors. i still keep this one sort of a secret, but it stopped being less of a discovery phobia once i found out that one of the most brilliant women i ever met read them as well.
i will think less of you if you use the wrong form of its or their or their respective homonyms. and unfortunately, that opinion will not change. same goes for misusing words. i have a coworker who does this so frequently–she says, “surely” when she means definitely, for example–that i fear for my sanity.
i could eat biscuits every day. the southern kind, not the english kind.
i am weird about talking on the phone, returning phone calls and checking my mail, in that i HATE doing it. loathe is a better term.
i can’t parallel park.
and i love love love this post beyond so much.
aaah gah i just read all the other comments and now have so many more weird things:
i have a phobia about falling down the stairs.
i also speed-read, and just always have.
i also shaved my head twice, and yes, it is incredibly liberating.
i can’t bear to eat dried apricots ever since a friend pointed out that they looked like dried ears. and roasted red peppers are the grossest things ever to me–they look like tongues.
i will run screaming from the sound of frosted glass rubbing up against something. the thought is giving me shivers.
You and Lisa insprired me to write my own. So I did! It was a ton of fun, and oh so revealing about how I ended up where I am. So thanks.
.-= Julie Stuart´s last post … 42 things you might not know about me =-.
I guess I am shy too. Your description of it fits me to a tee.
Am going to check out the book on highly sensitive people now too..
Hmmm.
1. I love this: If you happen to know, please don’t tell me. I hope you will not mind if I sometimes say it to people.
2. I am an expert at doing things that I find a little bit scary.
3. I am not an expert at conveying to people that doing things that I find a little bit scary is something I am an expert at, but I’m getting better at it.
4. I once lived in England for a year. It was in a tiny town that had more sheep than people. By a lot.
5. The summer before I went to England, I played flute in the pit of a summer opera company. I kept looking out at the audience and thinking “I am moving to a place where the three villages in the area put together hold fewer people than this room. Without the last few rows of seats, actually.”
6. It took me 27 years to figure out that I am shy.
7. I don’t like to eat foods that are trying to taste like other foods. Pizza-flavored crackers? No. Popcorn jelly beans? Absolutely right out.
8. My headphones have tiny skulls on them. I love this unreasonably much.
The more I read your stuff the more I realize you and I are a lot alike. I guess that makes me one of your right people. Right?
I too dislike being wet. Can we start a club?
eurgggggh OH MY GOD: “Here’s a specific request, related to that: I really do not wish to be told that actually having children is marvelous. I’m sure it is. For someone who is not me.”
THANK YOU. It is so baffling to be told this and to be told with that “knowing” condescending smile that I will change my mind. Like I should be made to feel guilty every time I do remark that a baby is cute, or play with a niece or nephew.
This is the only time, when I speak my mind, that people actively tell me that what I am thinking is wrong and broken and temporary. Maybe I just usually stick to safe subjects? But I do not like being told this, especially when it is tied up with all of these /gender/ things, and it’s like, COME ON, DUDE/LADY, why you gotta be that way? We were getting along great, Mom/Dad/Sis/Friend/Extended Family Member! Why did you pick this topic, wrapped up in all of That Gender Identification Which I Try To Reject Through My Lived Actions As Much As Possible, to eff around with, frankly, my sovereignty as expressed through being honest with others about every truth?
Ahem. The only clock in my head is a cuckoo clock. That is all.
.-= Mish´s last post … Youth Culture Killed My Puppy =-.
I too love this post and all the comments.
Weird things about me
I believe there will be a zombie apocalypse because I dream about it at least once a week. And yet, I have no supplies or axes or anything.
I too am afraid of stepping down onto a moving escalator. Even more so since my daughter (at age 3) fell on one and was almost scalped.
I have the opposite problem with blog commenting–I comment often and long. I get afraid I’m annoying the blogger.
I hate talking on the phone. Hate. But as a teenager I loved it.
I’m farsighted in my right eye and nearsighted in my left, which gives me crappy depth perception. I’ve been in a lot of fender benders … then I got glasses andthe world was right again.
I talk out loud to myself all the time. I can’t work things out in my head. Sometimes at work, if I need to solve a problem I’ll go walk the campus and pretend to talk on my cell phone when I’m actually talking to myself.
I too love looking at water (oh, how I need a beach fix) but hate being submerged. I went to Maui for 5 weeks and only got into the water once.
I know what I want to be/do, but I’m too afraid to do it.
I just said no to kids until I got pregnant during breakup sex with my now ex. And my daughter is my greatest blessing. However, I can’t stand other people’s kids.
.-= lynn @ human, being´s last post … Rehab =-.
Hi Havi,
I’ve been a lurker at this part of www for quite some time. Since you have this awesome post, I had to say something. We have so much things in common!!! Really!!! Specially # 1, 5, 6, 7, 16, 18 & 21. So I did this 100 random things recently which was really fun to do. Although it took 4+ hours to finish it. 😛 Here are some fun ones:
1. I’m a skeptic. Also I have trust issues.
2. I’m a really bad listener. And I talk too much. But I hate talking in front of a bunch of people.
3. I don’t really read/watch news. It makes me depressed.
4. I can’t stand the smell of Clementine. It drives me nuts.
Hope you have a great day!!
.-= Farah´s last post … Mini Bento =-.
I just read through all of these, and it made me really happy. We’re all so different and yet so similar. Here are a few of mine:
-I love massages. If people wanted to give me massages instead of gifts for the rest of my life, I would be good with that. I’ve also been told that I’m very good at giving massages.
-I’ve had pretty much every hair style you could possible imagine. And for the past five years or so, I’ve grown my hair out for a year and then shaved it off and then grown it out again.
-When I was little, I was such a “good”, quiet child that I never once was disciplined by my parents. I’m only now learning that, once you are no longer a child, not speaking no longer makes people like you.
-I’ve realized that I strongly dislike summer. But I adore fall, and pretty much everything that comes with it.
-In the same vein, when I need to relax, I like to stay home (preferably in the fall or winter), curl up in bed, and read Harry Potter while something honey-sweetened bakes in the oven. This is effective no matter how many times I’ve already reread the Harry Potter books.
Thanks, everyone, for sharing so much of yourselves here.
.-= Kylie´s last post … seven seconds =-.
I’m at a cafe, and had JUST pulled out my earplugs when I started to read this!
Some things you might not know about me:
1) I haven’t been keeping up with my RSS feeds for at least the last week.
2) I’m ordering an engagement ring. For myself. (I finally made first contact today with the goldsmith who I think I want to design and create my ring.) I’ve had a couple of friends and acquaintances who had commitment ceremonies/rituals with themselves, and for a long time I didn’t understand that at all. And then, about a year ago, I realized that I am the most important person in my life, and my relationship with myself is the most important relationship I’ll ever have, because it’s the foundation of all the other relationships I’ll ever have. But I don’t want to marry myself, I want to be–and stay–engaged. (It’s all just semantics, but…)
3) Semantics are important to me. Words I hear and words I say.
.-= steph´s last post … good things 11 =-.