In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Let’s see.
It was kind of a disjointed week again.
The hard stuff
Coming down from vacation.
I was such an extreme sadface mouse.
Be glad you weren’t there for it.
Oh, hurt, bruised and semi-bashed.
This was the week of bruise.
Sliced my finger, slammed into every table and corner and wall in sight, and generally managed to hurt myself.
Clearly this calls for more sleep.
Grumble grumble grumble.
Oh, the giant scary tax number. How much stress other people are having about said number.
Money grumbles are the most annoying grumbles. And this would be so much easier to deal with it I weren’t getting derailed by my stuff coming up in reaction to other people’s stuff.
So. A lot to work on there.
Took a big risk and it hasn’t paid off yet.
This is exactly the type of thing that I normally find very exciting.
But right now it’s just another thing to worry about.
Nostalgia.
Triggered by discovering that two of my friends from Tel Aviv (who don’t know each other) took a photography course together. And one of my best friends there is now randomly friends with my cousin.
I miss living in a place where everyone knows everyone else.
I mean, I assume Portland is that place too, but that’s not what my life looks like now.
The good stuff
Epiphanies all over the place.
It’s all that mixing of levels in Shiva Nata.
Anyway, the realizations this week were big.
Lots of movement with things that didn’t want to move.
Inspired.
Most of the hard of this week was kind of related to having lost my excitement about something I’d previously been excited about, which is always kind of depressing.
But then I found it again! I found it!
The mojo. It is back. Yay.
Progress on the new website for the Playground.
Soon!
I can’t wait to have it ready for you.
I ran away for a while.
And this was good.
Not really a vacation. But a working-somewhere-else-for-a-few-days adventure.
Very productive and informative.
Happy Playground!
A marvelous package from Pat! Pat was at the February Rally (Rally!) and fell in love with the Playground, as does everyone who visits.
She sent the most adorable ever pirate monkey, and a bunch of spy glasses (for viewing and connecting with past you and slightly future you), and a book. As well as sweet little notes to me, Selma and the Playground.
Thank you, Pat! What a marvelous surprise.
And then Briana sent a gorgeous handmade cushion for my Wish Room. Briana!
So much happy.
Stuff I’m reading….
Madeleine’s wise and sweet piece on surviving adolescence.
I am halfway in love with 3eanuts.
And this got me through the week: Dear Monday!
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is local. Very local.
Camellia Porthole
Check out their new album. And did you know? It’s really just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not!) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Mmm. Hello Friday. Oh so happy to see you.
The hard:
-Jury duty. It is hard for super-sensitive people. Especially when it lasts two weeks. Oy.
-Generally getting nothing done to to the above-mentioned super-sensitiveness.
-Lack of sleep and exercise.
-Where are the queer people? NOT at jury duty, clearly.
The good:
-Lovely rain. It’s like Brooklyn wants to be Portland this week.
-A run in the rain this morning. Feeling significantly more alive.
-Last night. Good sleep. Yes.
-Seeing friendly faces this weekend. Yay!
A very happy weekend to all.
Hey Kylie,
Do you have the Emergency Calming Techniques? I played the audio on loop when I did a pretty horrific 3 weeks of jury service a while back. They were the only thing that got through to me through the awfulness.
Thinking of you (and thank you Havi)
xx
Oh yes, hello Friday! So glad you’re here.
Camellia Porthole. Love their music. Am imagining it now…
Helloooo Chicken!!!
The Hard:
* Finished emptying Dad’s apartment. Now there’s a lot of things gone, and a stack of stuff in the middle of our living space that we have to decide whether or not to keep… So sad. So hard.
* Bellydance Show tomorrow. Normally this would be good, but it’s just one more thing I have to deal with.
* Online trade show in a week. Again, just one more thing.
* Vonage trying to sell me stuff when I was canceling Dad’s account. Hey retention department. You can’t retain a customer who’s dead. And being pushy about it to the grieving daughter… so not good for business.
The Good:
*One less thing to worry about: getting out of the apartment.
*I never thought I’d say this, but Time Warner Cable. They have been wonderful about canceling Dad’s internet account and getting things moved over. Yay!
*There’s a show tomorrow! And we’re all prepared! And it’s going to be a lot of fun. I have a new sparkly bedlah for it. So there, hard about show! 😛
*I finally got the March Newsletter out – in March! April should be easier. Things are evening out. I think.
Epiphanies!
A Scary-Bad happened and it wasn’t a Trauma for us because we didn’t hold it; we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, dealt with the sequelae, and went on. I want some sparkle points for dealing with it in a healthy way.
Conflicted Wanting — what a great insight that is! Even simple things like remembering to take iron seems like a conflicted want. I want to feel good but I don’t want to have to do the things that I know will help.
A weird thing: I was giving my hair an oil treatment and I arranged a long scarf hijab-style over my head. I’m not from a tradition that practices head-covering — in fact, my great-grandmothers must have been among the first to stop wearing hats to church — but it gave me a safe feeling, like being in a blanket fort. A wearable blanket fort!
The hard:
The Scary-Bad, because there were consequences and we are still dealing with them, and because we want to avoid repetition.
Another Scary-Bad thing going on with family members that we can’t do anything about.
Lost my energy and focus on a major Thing I Want To Do. I’m not sure if it was because of the Scary-Bad or if there is something else going on.
The good:
Surprise encounter with a lovely friend that I rarely see.
Another surprise encounter with a new-ish becoming-a-friend, and she gave me the best hug!
Setting limits and being clear with people, especially as they affect my Things-To-Do.
I’m starting my tiny sweet thing with my weird little idea — and I didn’t let two critical responses (“That’s just bizarre” and “You have too much time on your hands”) derail me.
The Good:
An amazing yoga class this morning with everything I wanted (hello quads, hello thoracic, hello looooove!) including the teacher saying “that is so beautiful.”
Schleepy. Mmm. Nap time soon.
Post nap reveling with friends tonight.
Good clients and people in my world.
The Needs Improvement:
Unless I pay someone, this house will not be clean unless I clean it.
I want a massage. A really good one. But I’m afraid of a bad one and my good person isn’t available when I want a massage. Oh, sigh.
Hungry. And sleepy. Wishing a live in person brought me post-yoga snacks.
4/1/11:
This week, Friday Chicken is making me think about the movie Return to Oz. Chickennnnnn!!!!! Anybody know what I’m talking about?
The hard:
The stress of getting back to sweetheart’s non-spring break schedule. Like spring break much better.
So much singing practice that I strained my voice. Scary with two performances in the next couple of days.
Urgency in most of my life areas, all at once. Feeling uncentered, confused, guilty about whichever thing I’m not doing at any given moment.
Full freelancing schedule for the first time in months. (see below)
That’s about it though!
The good:
Immersing myself in music again. I was letting it get pushed aside in favor of all the money-making things. Wonderful though they are, I am also a musician. Ahhh.
Another gig!!
Full freelancing schedule for the first time in months. (see above)
Continuing large progress on joint thing with sweetheart!! Working, writing, and making decisions together smoothly feels good. Supporting her genius feels good. The possibility of making some money feels good!
Trust trust trusting that my voice will flow smoothly through my throat when I need it to.
Remembering to ground myself way more often.
Ooh, nap before performance this afternoon. Good idea.
Sparklepoints to everybody!!
Disjointed is exactly the word for this week.
This week’s hard:
– I’m not good with needles, and earlier this week had to do the yearly blood test thingy with a lady who had a hard time getting it to work.
– Feeling really clunky and uncoordinated at yoga this morning and having a hard time just letting it be one of those days.
– Having unexpected difficulties getting everything seamlessly transferred from the old computer to the new computer. Last time I did this, it took 45 minutes. I’m currently in the middle of hour 2.
This week’s good:
– Three editing/proofing projects shipped and billed, and a couple of new ones added to the queue.
– Hair color and cut, finally. Followed by a massage.
– Yay, new computer! And the difficulties I’m having with the automagic transfer are flummoxing the support guys as much as they are me. And the giant backup drive I bought earlier this week even though I didn’t absolutely have to have it is saving my bacon by letting us go about this in a less automagic but equally good-end-result way.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
A little good, a lot Hard.
The Hard:
– Mom returns from 3 glorious weeks doing her THING at her home in Mexico. A few hours later we are in the ER hearing the words “brain tumor” when we thought we were going to hear “electrolyte imbalance”. Ovarian cancer not satisfied with initial location, branched out to, among other places, her sweet, creative, happy brain. Less than 24 hours later one tumor is removed, but there are two more that can’t be removed. Everything seemed ok, then not ok and now the fear is that she had a stroke during the surgery.
Me: So much scared. So much sad. So much guilt for feeling annoyed that she was even coming home in the first place. And then guilt for feeling annoyed when we decided to go to ER. This puts me right back to then (when Dad up and died out of the blue) and makes me fear that just as I am finally coming out of a decade long fuzzy depressed place, I may go right back into that place. Trying to remember that Now is not Then. Trying to keep my mind on today and not doing what I do best: going to the worst case scenario. Lots more. Can’t think.
The Good:
I am reminded once again of the importance of family and community. I am amazed at the gentleness and kindness of my 18 year old son. I was able to use skills learned in Rally! to mindfully protect myself while remaining open and loving. Yay for Rally! I talked to Angels and they talked back + probably helped. My sister was able to get here from Florida before mom went into surgery – yay for the miracle of air travel! My brother is uncharacteristically cooperative and engaged in all this. Yay!
Also – before the brain tumor issue I reconnected with an old friend. Lots of happiness and remembering times when I was feeling super alive. Laughing! Gentle support.
Spring — allowed myself to leave the hospital and suddenly noticed that the trees are budding, the grass is greening and the sky is incredibly blue. Thank you for coming back, Spring.
Thanks for giving me this opportunity to safely download my week. Yay for safety!
This week has been interesting…possibilities unfolding.
The hard:
– family stress, and nothing I can do about it
-hormonal issues, and yet again when I have time off work
– being messed around and manipulated by someone
– clumsiness – probably related to the hormonal
– weird pain in my right trapezius, probably connected to all the stress of the last few weeks
The good:
– being able to react to the negative without getting
– shoots. Massively fun, especially yesterday, running round in woodland.
– new tripod…and it does so many cool things…excited to play with it
– and Photoshop – finally got around to buying it. So worth it. I’ve only edited one photo with it so far and it makes me the happy.
– a tiny baby idea that I think could work.
– arranging ballet classes
– research project went way, way better than what I was intending it to
All in all, pretty good. Sometimes it amazes me that I’m even considering some of the stuff that now seems like it could happen. Does that makes sense (wine has already been consumed)?
Dude, your Bolivia post got mentioned on Gala Darling’s site today. How cool is that?
Cheers, everyone!
This week was rather intense, both with the good and the hard.
First the thing that is both: I finished and handed in to my PI a first draft of my PhD thesis. I worked on this for a whole year and was so stuck around it because I needed it to at least have a chance of being perfect, which it didn’t. And suddenly I am without the burden and that is hard and good because I had gotten so used to this constant companion that I feel a little bereft. But then really letting go and letting this be in the way it is, not perfect but ok, is soooo good.
The hard: The gentleman friend has a tooth thing that will have to be done when I’m not there next week. All the stuff that came up around packing my backpack for my trip (three weeks at 8kg leaves a lot of room for stuff to come up)
The good: Seeing my family last weekend. The support of most of the important people for my trip and their genuine excitement. Getting ready for the trip but feeling very open about it, no pressure to make it into the best and most worldchangingest thing evar.
I hope you all have a great and relaxing weekend.
Oh my gosh. 3eanuts made me think of Garfield Minus Garfield:
http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/
…which is funny even for those who don’t like Garfield, because…it doesn’t include Garfield!
Thank you for introducing me to 3eanuts.
And yay for working-from-somewhere-else experimentation. Quite inspiring!
Hmmm… It’s been a week? It’s Friday? Clearly I need this chicken because I feel like I’m disconnected with time somehow.
The Hard
– Money worries. They’re just so cliche they’re boring.
– I want a tech person! I do not want to have to spend hours fighting with video technology!
– Someone else announced a big cool thing on a day I wanted to have reserved for my small cool thing. And I know about “build your own tower” and I’m actually really excited about her thing but still. It felt like I got stepped on.
– Disconnected from my blog, so now I feel like I’m taking babysteps back to having anything to say.
– Ah when will I ever find a place to live in Portland for next month?! Needing trust.
The Good
– My business brought in its first monies! Not very much, but a very very good first step. I called everyone I knew to celebrate.
– I have 38 wonderful people signed up for my video Shiva Nata classes, and the first video will go out today…hopefully successfully.
– I managed not only to do level 2, but to do part of it correctly, teacher-ly-backwards, on video. Which shows what thinking about nothing else for several months can get you.
– There has been lots of singing and reading and stress-free socializing this week. Very encouraging.
– Turns out my insurance is going to retroactively pay for some very expensive things, so clearly the universe is trying to shower me with abundance.
Hard:
–Iguanas.
Good:
–This week’s snowfall has been of the decorous and innocuous variety; I can enjoy it without being hampered by it.
…
…is that really all I’ve got?
Seems to be. Well, anyway, I’m here, and here is exactly where I want to be. Cheers!
Why, Havi, thank you for the link, my dear! Your sweet wisdom inspires me every day.
@Romilly and @Kim,
Many hugs for the hard things around your Dad and Mom.
This week’s Chicken:
The Hard–
-Still a little too cool for gardening.
-Sore back.
-Missing family.
The Good–
+Started my Feldenkrais class.
+Progress on decluttering.
+The little shoots in the garden are calling.
@Jane, thanks for reminding me to look for more in the woods.
Hard:
-It’s apparently not spring in New England yet. Snow?! Is that really necessary, Mr. Sky?
-Wishing I had a robo-uterus or something this week 🙁
-Haven’t been very good at concentrating/being productive at work (or even at *trying* to get myself to concentrate using the tricks and adjustments that would help) yesterday and today after coming home from vacation. Chalking it up to re-adjustment; going to do a top-level overview of What Needs Doing and write notes to Monday-Me before I go home, so that I can catch the next wave next week.
Good:
-Vacation! Vacationvacationvacation. It was perfect–just the right amount of doing and not-doing. Lazy mornings in cafes, awesome shows in the evening. I think this will be my new template for relaxing-but-not-cabin-fever-inducing vacations.
-I saw Sleep No More TWICE. It’s an immersive theater experience–you freely wander in a 5-story building converted to a dream world where mostly-silent acrobat/actors are performing a stylized cross between Macbeth and a Hitchcock movie. Bedrooms that open into forests, narrow brick passages, the smell of herbs and trees and mothballs, cabinet-of-curiosities aesthetics and secrets gleaned from handwritten pages and the actors’ whispers. It felt like a perfect match for my brain, like I’d gone to the sort of place you think you can never visit except indirectly via a movie or book or game. So worth it.
-My website is now blogified! Yay!
-I’ve started Shiva Nata–I had plenty of time to watch the DVD on vacation. I’m not getting epiphany-epiphanies, but I’m enjoying it and finding that it’s helping clear my thoughts. Going to print out the sheet from williehewes.com so I can flail wherever I go!
-Then again, maybe the Huge Realization I had on vacation about my metalwork is partly attributable to Shiva Nata. Or the awesome cafe sandwiches and lack-of-shoulds. In any event–I’ve started thinking about my jewelry not merely as artifacts that you might see in a museum, but as talismans and keepsakes for awesome people. For my Right People! This could be huge. But for the most part, I’m trying to hold the realization close to myself–I don’t have time to change course and completely shake up my product line a month before my big show. But I can let this knowledge sneak in and affect the bits I’m making to round out the collection, and I’m finding myself really motivated to work on jewelry, moreso than I have been for weeks, and it’s all very exciting. Yay hot metal!
This weekend: hoping for lots of playing in the metal studio, ease with the laundry and maybe some house-organizing.
Happy Friday!
Chicken! TGITimeforChicken!
I’m so completely over this week that I have no choice but to break up with it. It’s not me, Week. It’s you. I’m so sorry.
The Hard
Utterly ridiculous reindeer games at Day Job.
Seems to be time for adjustments to the supplement cocktail that keeps me sane-ish. Really down for longer than can be believably attributed to aforementioned reindeer games.
Wondering if it’s time to end a friendship.
The Good
After all the reindeer games, I ended up with a renewal for another year, so budget breathed a huge sigh of relief.
Plans to see an art exhibit tomorrow.
My cat purring in my ear.
Saturday! Because Friday was donated to the airplane.
The hard:
1) TIRED! Lots of travel.
2) Now that I’m back in the US I’m SO ready to be home. But I go back to the program for 2 more weeks. almostalmostalmost
3) no printer. But it will be fine.
The good:
1) made all the necessary flights to get here, whew! Technology appears to be working. People are FANTASTIC. Anyone out there doing anything with sexuality, pay attention to http://momentumcon.com because next year it won’t be such a sleeper hit.
2) sleep in a slightly softer bed after 17 hours of travel and an additional 12 of restless travel and nonsleep in preparation for the airplanes.
3) awesome awesome pickup from the airport instead of negotiating the Metro. Thank you for generosity and abundance, person who picked me up and universe!
4) whatever clothes I have will be fine. All kinds of things are here, from leather to jeans to suits.
5) holycats AMAZING conference. Totally worth the trouble of getting here.
happy week everyone!
Yep, it’s Saturday, because I spent Friday painting sock blanks. Yay chicken amnesty!
The hard.
– I started to type “the tired” instead of “the hard.” Yes. That sums it up.
The good.
+ I worked in my garden today. Lots of little green bits poking up out of the earth. I love this time of year. So much newness and anticipation.
Hard and good at the same time.
-/+ I’m getting a refund on my taxes, which is good, but that means, of course, that I didn’t make very much money last year, which isn’t so good. Actually my business made way more than ever before, but my expenses were also way more than ever before.
Hmm…I thought I had a lot more to say, but the tired… Brain isn’t really all the way on.
hugs to all!
let’s do this:
the hard:
-still working in the Wall-e, not the Mac/eve, because i can’t work out how to put the internet thingy to adapt to new computer.
-i do not live in a bouncing castle anymore. floor got fixed, which is good, but not as fun
-deadline approaching to finish a terribly borring task, and i am procrastinating not out of fear, but of boredom! i am not good with doing the same thing 3982 times. not joking.
-first granma broke hip and wrist, now nephew dislocated his foot, and good friend’s dad has a brain tumour. dear bodies of loved people, please stop doing this!
-miss A loves mr B, who loves miss C, who is hopelessly inlove with mr L. who knows who mr L loves, but not miss C. what a waste of love! unrequited love sucks!
the good:
-2 mornings off til the 15th. what a good surprise.
-floor fixed, out of the to-do list. 4 more and done. til the new one.
-1300 out of 3982. glass a quarter full
-the mac! despite the internet thingy’s tandrum, i love it!
-VPA day is closer. i have a few that i want to get out there into the beautiful space where they seem possible.
-hiro’s teleclass
more hugs
Missed Friday, missed Saturday and what the heck so I am chickening on Sunday.
The hard:
– Transitions and changes announce themselves and menace my comfort zone.
– Husband’s health issues and his way of dealing with them.
– Hate myself for bringing up stupid money matters.
– Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy
– Pay Pal not working and transferring money the old-fashioned way for s.th that I bought on Dawanda and then seeing the massive fee that my bank charged for the international transfer.
The good:
– Catching up on sleep
– A friend’s daughter who is the cutest little thing and has given me the most heart-warming signs of affection.
– Catching up with friends.
– Organizing a little holiday.
– Short trip that helps to make transitions more tangible.
– Discovery of a Dawanda shop with clothes that are just “me”.
I love the chicken amnesty.
The Hard
Lots of routine stuff is meaning that I am not getting at the big stuff. But then even if I don’t have routine stuff I still don’t get at the big stuff. I have pulled out my picture of the vase with the big pebbles in first and the small pebbles in afterwards to remind me that is the way to do things.
A little underlying sabotage going on on a non worky thing that I really want to do. GOing to have to have a word with the monsters
The Good
Spring weather, gorgeous little bolivians, oh yes and husbands job is not kicked into long grass as we had been expecting. Lots of laughing