In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
This was a really big week for me. Intense moments of… well, intensity. Yes.
Lots of challenges but also beautiful ones, and also delight and excitement and other amazing things.
I’m still processing.
But let’s take a look.
The hard stuff
Today. Again! Friday appointments.
I keep “learning” this one, but it hasn’t landed yet.
Friday appointments are the worst.
Also I took about seven buses today, and that was five too many.
Things that are sucky and annoying.
Being in my stuff sucks. Waiting sucks. Also: not knowing. Making stuff about me when it is not about me sucks.
Decision making sucks.
Being hyper-aware of incongruence sucks, even when it’s useful. Seeing the not-sovereign situations and how things are not working is generally frustrating.
Many tiny symbolic stucknesses.
And then they had repercussions.
Learning from the hard but not wanting to learn those specific things.
A lot of what was hard was hard because it was incongruent or not lined up with what I want now, so I was getting a ton of useful information about what I do want while this was happening.
Yay, information. But rawr rawr rawr this information is depressing and horrible!
Not getting a chicken done for this morning.
That was one of my big wishes this week.
But that wasn’t how it happened. So I am planting it for next week.
Having to say no.
Not wanting to say it but needing to, and difficulty finding the right way to deliver the no graciously.
The things that are not done.
And June is almost over.
The in-betweens.
Transition. Blergh.
Not knowing what I want and then knowing exactly what I want.
I can’t decide which of those is harder, but both of them were hugely challenging this week.
Trust is hard, y’all.
It is possible that I am not the first person to make this observation.
Okay. On to the good. There was some pretty kick-ass good this week.
The good stuff
Focus! I can focus again!
For the past six weeks I have had zero attention span, and this week I was able to focus again.
Thanks, Rally! Everything is different now.
Best weekend ever ever ever.
I like to rest up after Rally (Rally!) but often I am not able to fully let myself as much as I would like.
This time I totally spent all of Saturday in bed. ALL OF IT.
It was the best.
Then Sunday was long walks in the parks and streets (Sunday Parkways!) with lady Chuck, then partner yoga with Danielle, corn on the cob, fun times with friends, loving everything, beautiful sky.
Ahhhhhhh. That was sweet.
Play. Word play. Silliness. Delight.
I have been doing mad intense shivanautical magic, with so much PLAYFULNESS.
And this is spilling out into every area of my life, I could not be happier about this.
I have a new secret name.
It is resonant and beautiful and I am going to call silent retreat on the rest of that for now.
I had a huge understanding about a thing that needs to happen.
A giant realization, from doing Shiva Nata of course, about what needs to happen and how it needs to happen, and how NOW IS THE TIME. And this was such a big deal.
I have been thinking about this and wanting it for a very long time, years, but this week I felt it so clearly: Now is the time. Yes!
Anyway, I’m going to do it! It has already been set in motion. I feel unbelievably excited and tingly about this.
If you want to REJOICE ALL THE REJOICINGS with me, that is welcome.
I shared some details of this with friends and the Floop, and it was so sweet to be heard, supported, rejoiced over. And Kathleen even rang a bell in the shape of a pineapple in my honor! I love this!
A stone came back to me.
Stone! Look at you! You were gone and then you came back!
I had already said goodbye to this particular stone forever, and with a fair amount of sadness at the time, but then the stone floated back.
This is interesting because I am okay with the stone not being my stone anymore, but also I have been spending a lot of time thinking about when is a stone a stone. I will write about this soon and then everything will make more sense.
The point is: I thought things were one way but then they were different, and this was surprising in a way that was reassuring and pleasant, and without me being attached to one particular end-result.
Marisa again!.
Marisa was back for a day and I got to see her twice. We had sparkly things happen to our toes and then ran away to parking lots. I can’t wait until she is here all the time.
Clews and noticings.
My project gave me a clew and told me to pay close attention at pub night, and I did and the clew I found there was nothing short of amazing.
Then this week there was a day when I really wanted someone to call me and they were not calling, and then I LOOKED FOR CLEWS from the bus, and I got a clew that basically said “This has nothing to do with you, burn away any stories that say this is about you”.
Sorry, that link is from 2007 and I wish I could rewrite that piece. The truth still holds though.
So I did that. And then immediately I got an explanation from this person and it really and truly did not have to do with me. Of course. Thank you, clew. Thank you, me who remembered to look for clews.
So many good things!
I did a bunch of scary and brave things, and somehow this was fun! This happened every day!
I noticed other things that I didn’t want to do, and now I can make a plan for the way that Barrington (or a stand-in for Barrington) can do them for me.
And I asked for the superpower of grounded sparkling with the help of grounded sparkly toes! My ask was a little vague. Well, it was witchy and silly and not especially specific. Like this:
Let it be all, yay! Trails of sparks! The ground sparks through me and I spark through the ground! Alignment!
But then I got this superpower the next day, and it saved my ass.
Ohmygod you guys! This weekend is hat parade!
Hat Parade! I am so excited! You know how I feel about costumes. And HATS!
Love them. So much. I am going to wear my most ridiculous, outrageous, over the top hat. Lady Chuck is going with me and it will be marvelous. I will bring Potter the mouse, he will like it too.
Two giant wishes came true.
And I didn’t even have to do anything other than ask.
I asked for a VPA fairy and I got one!
That is a bit confusing and no, not actually a fairy, at least I don’t think so? But assume that this is a good thing.
I did a handstand.
With help. For the first time since ten years ago. And without screaming. it rewrote a bunch of stuff from Then.
This was a big deal and I do not want to talk about it anymore so please nothing about that other than quiet yays and heart-sighs.
OHMYGOD THE PEGASSIST.
Not only is this the hottest derby move of the season (we saw it previewed at our league championships and wow), but it also has now the best name ever.
A lift-assist over the inside line, named for the pegacorn, Rose City’s winged-and-horned pegasus-unicorn mascot-like-thing. Pegassist!
Watch this video, at least twice. And then cry tears of happiness.
Also, expect to now see this move EVERYWHERE.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band:
Gnome Shopping Cart
If you are one of the lucky people who has gotten to peek at or visit Stompopolis then you already know what this is.
It’s also a band. A loud, raucous, funny band with a penchant for harmonica solos. It’s just one guy though. As it turns out. Yup.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Seriously, Rally. RALLY!
Everything that was good this week was a direct result of what we did at Rally.
There are only two more this year and two next year. Before they go up to full price is probably a good idea.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
The Pegassist!! It is brilliant! And now I want to be a roller derby girl uh-oh.
The Hard
– Still not finished on two things that want urgent finishing
– An evaluation meeting of me was supposed to happen and I did preparing for it but then I was still no prepared and I didn’t go and it took a day of talking to monsters
– Scatterbrained! Scatterbrained all over the place. For good and nice reasons but so hard to get work done – anything
The Good!
+ Indian dinner with friend wearing my kameez. I loves to dress up in the appropriate style.
+ movie with a new friend! reaching out to another new friend! friends everywhere!
+ Watching the eurocup games… loads of fun
+ attending a summer BBQ with a band! And they will play at my graduation next year!
+ the [silent retreat]. all the sweetness and all the happiness and also containment.
So glad you liked the pineapple bell!
I’m writing on my phone, so this’ll be choppy.
Hard stuff: storm last night took out power in our house and all over the place. That means no water either, and today will be hot.
Good stuff: my sister and her husband closed on the house yesterday! They’ll be living so close to us now!
This week has been an interesting *cough* mixture of sleep deprivation and sparkles. Hmm…
The hard:
Oh my, the being woken up several times a night, most nights. The resulting exhaustion and tearfulness and depletion. Waking up later than I prefer to as a result, and feeling yucky from that.
The part of me who is freaking out about this.
Annoying buzzing droning sound is annoying. Especially when I’m trying to go to sleep. Earplugs seem to do nothing to cut it out.
Not having my ideal amounts of privacy.
And yes, the incongruent things that are so frustrating!
The good:
Putting together the guide for my new thing and it being fun and looking + feeling just right and giving myself lots of permissions to experiment. Learning lots more about InDesign.
Playing with goddesses.
The part of me that is planting the wish for a simple, sovereign solution to the being-woken-up and is confident that it will happen.
Getting out in the countryside. Discovering banks of wild orchids.
Getting to peek at other people’s gardens. Roses! Succulents!
Huge internal shifts that feel like a big sigh of ‘yes, this is exactly right.’
On Thursday night I had an uniterrupted nights sleep. Bliss! Yesterday was good.
The best gift of the week–knowing that my truly sucky moods don’t last forever.
Why am I always surprised by the end of the week?
The Hard:
Having to come back home when we were halfway up to Denver, because of the problem with the dogs. Delaying the vacation until things were settled.
The fires bringing up issues. I’m constantly wanting to go over evacuation plans, even though everything is pretty far from us right now. Time for a good dose of Now is not then.
Overwhelming exhaustion mixed with sleep depravation, resulting in a completely zombie Thursday.
The Good:
Having the wakeup call that we really, really need to get on top of the training issues with the dogs.
New Housesitter!! After the craziness, she hung in there, and it’s going to be fine!
Fabulous trip to see old friends. And plans for more group travel, and great talks in the car about future projects.
Helping to prep for a pirate birthday party.
Possible wonderfulness coming up, and ways to expand it that may, just may, take care of about 16 gazillion wishes at once! Silent retreating on the details out of ludicrous fear popcorn about jinxing, but think good thoughts, if you have any to spare please!
Rejoicing in and with the rejoicing!
Hard:
* client too difficult for me to continue working with her
* anxiety = sugar to money and career monsters. Monsters on sugar highs = exhausting.
* glimpses of paths I kinda wish I’d taken
* rampant, unapologetic sexism in men’s tennis. Unsurprising and yet a punch in the gut.
Good:
* cancelling my plans to attend a tournament. This is in the good column because it frees up money and time for something more rewarding.
* being named a finalist in a poetry garden show
* recognizing that I did not have the gear or gams to take aforementioned paths
* clews. Lots of clews.
* unsolicited encouragement from people I admire
* great volunteers in the hospital playroom
* the freedom to change my itineraries and dockets
* the freedom to choose the company I keep
Wishing everyone a sweet weekend and enough sleep.
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard
– oppressively hot + wildfires
– brain muddle
– writing the lit review for a paper I’m working on
The Good
– lunch with a friend, Skype with a friend, a hike with a friend
– progress on two projects I’ve been procrastinating
– taking time to paint
Clucks
Hard clucks…
– feeling like I had a hard decision to make, and fear of the Possible Terrible Consequences which often leads to paralysis.
– really coming to acknowledge that my gorgeous little Wonderbaby who has been sleeping through the night since she was eight weeks old (freak) really does sleep better if she’s in her own bed, and so do I.
Which I’m sure sounds like HEAVEN to many Bolivians but I am sad! My gorgeous, chubby, lovely, adorable little piglet… I like to hold her! And she’s not even four months old…
So, I’m sad. I’m sure it’s all for the good in the long run (probably the short run too) but still. Tonight, I am sad.
(Nb. My Every-Parent-Will-Hate-You-And-Think-You-Are-Bragging monster would like to note for the record that Little Lad didn’t sleep through the night until he was four years old and I often still have a gangly, skinny, big-headed, crossways-sleeping five year old in with us at night time so delightful, restful sleep is still quite definitely Not Assured, Please Don’t Hate Me Cos My Wonderbaby Is A Freaky Good Sleeper!)
– Little Lad is having a hard time with drop offs at kinder still. I’m hoping that he’ll be able to rest up a bit with the school holidays these next two weeks, get some chinese herbs into him, fatten him up an ever so tiny amount maybe, even possibly fade those dark circles under his eyes and energy enough that staying upright all day is not exhausting in and of itself….. That would be nice………… ooooohhhh anxiety……… I wish he was sturdier.
– There is a part of me are frustrated that so much time is taken up by parenting and housework and is so fucking envious of everyone who is single or at least childless and has all that TIME to projectise, or process, or daydream, or do nothing or do their thing. THING!
What about me??!?!!? It isn’t fair. I’ve had enough, now I want my share. (Was that a hit outside of Australia? It’s the ultimate whinge mega rock ballad. It’s grouse to take the piss out of yourself when you’re whining. Self-deprecating, like. Yes.)
– The culture of the good ship Fluent Self and the Floop is very much NOT the culture of the vast majority of the rest of the world. Even though I have no doubt it is spawning virus-like outbreaks of NVC and sovereignty and support and letting-people-be around the world (yay!!) we’re yet to reach PANDEMIC levels of those qualities and this too makes me sad.
Good clucks….
+ the Floooooooooop! I have been emerging from deep in the babycave and had computer access and processed some of my process there and people waved hello to me and made me feel nice and now I am completely ADDICTED and want to MOVE IN AND LIVE THERE FOREVER. Thank you Havi, for creating the Floating Playground.
+ our OT and I joked about how I’m the valedictorian of parents and she had been bragging to the other OTs in her practice about how she had the Best Parent to work with which went some way to alleviating my abiding sense of guilt and failure.
+ DIR/Floortime approach to developmental delay interventions. Which asks parents/therapists/teachers/care-givers to, and I quote here, ‘meet the child where they are’ and challenge and stretch them from there. Just like we do HERE. It exists!!! And in fact I think that our team would all be working from that philosophy too even if they’ve not mentioned the name to me before.
+ money. Enough money. Not stacks, still juggling this to pay that, but still – enough! I bought socks!! NINE PAIRS!!!!!!!! Because I was really sick of having only four pairs, two of which I’ve nicked from my sixteen year old stepson. Which are often ALL due for a wash and then I have the delightful task of choosing the least dirty pair, or one of my husband’s gross old pairs, or pretending my feet aren’t cold. And I bought HIM nine pairs too because all his current socks are GROSSSSSS and oooooldd and worn out and MONEY!!! IS SO LOVELY!!!!
+ my gorgeous, chubby, adorable little piglet and my gangly, hilarious, beautiful, mad genius boy. And the teenager who declared that he ‘only likes his father in small doses’ and will ‘come over when he feels like it’ and is being so teenagery and NORMAL. And my love and I. And our silly messy home and getting our very messy finances sorted out slowly and being a team. Sgood.
xoxoxoxo goodnight chicken peeps. xo
You’re right, I did have to watch the Pegassist video twice. 🙂
Also, (if I knew how to make a small font without breaking your comment box, I would) yay! (The exclamation point is not loud just quietly enthusiastic.)
Chickens!
The Pegassist is amazing.
The Hard:
– Having my world expanded and realizing that my world had been small and also that bigger worlds require (could possibly require?) a lot more keeping track of things, and that’s scary.
– So afraid of becoming my parents.
– Pressure to be ready to talk about something I’m not ready to talk about. Which is slowing down the whole process considerably.
– Problems with big and little.
– Our hotel room thingy was really perfect EXCEPT for the first two days we could hear everything anyone was saying in the room next to us and they were always shouting and then one evening we were having a really great (but quiet) conversation and they started banging on the walls and telling us to shut up.
– I would really like to be able to hang glide and ride horses and surf and scuttle over rocks but instead I am lugging around a giant belly and even getting out of a chair is ridiculously difficult.
– Accidentally having sugar and then realizing it and cutting it out right away (with minimal freakouts) but then having days and days of wanting sugar all the time. Even dreaming about pudding and cake…
The Good:
– My Shiva Nata class last Saturday was AMAZING! I got to introduce it to three brand new beginners and they loved it and had crazy results and we had so much fun. (One of those people was my mother-in-law and now she’s addicted.)
– This last week I was at the BEACH! And we had a great ocean view and a private beach and there were SO MANY animals. Including: turkey vultures, harbor seals, chitons, hermit crabs, mollusks, anemones, sea stars, sea lions, sea gulls, herons, and lots of others.
– Then we also went to the aquarium and shrimp cleaned our hands and a sea otter sneezed adorably and so many other marvelous things. Like giant crabs! Also, I randomly absorbed millions of beach facts. Feeling smart.
– WAVES! Watching the waves, wanting to surf on the waves, generally freaking out about waves.
– Actually enjoying touristy activities for the first time since I was maybe ten. And only making fun of about half of any given place.
– SUSHI! And also a cafe my friend recommended that was the coolest place ever and had the best tacos I HAVE EVER HAD which I was also not allergic to in the least.
– Lighting a fire in the fireplace and watching the waves. Eating oatmeal with strawberries (!) and watching the waves. Flooping and watching the waves…
– Radiant presence! It makes everything better. It makes me much more adventuresome. And then I have all kinds of fun.
– We got a fuzzy purple monster with three eyes named Ozmorg! He is the best.
This has been a weird week.
I had “man trouble” this week: MrB briefly returned to his wheelchair but recovered quickly and is back on his feet. And the Boomerang Boy returned for a few days. I picked him up in the ER and he was so weak that I had to put him in the wheelchair and push him up the ramp to get him in the house. He’s better now and back in his own place.
Wonderful long conversation with CT. I had to say no twice to invites from T for coffee; we usually have long rambling wonderful talks and I missed out. Didn’t get to talk to J or C at all this week.
Excessive heat — over 100 degrees several days — and the drought is continuing. I’d love a good rain but there’s none in the forecast.
Ooops! Must go. To be continued.
Hard and good are (in abbreviated form) at my blog entry linked with this comment.
I send a THANK YOU to Havi for the introduction to Barrington, who I had not met before.
(Mini-VPA: I want a Barrington-like self-aspect! Preferably with a name that starts with some letter other than B, and that either has no old resonances or good ones for me.)
I have QUESTIONS about POTTER’S HAT PREFERENCES:
1. What hatband circumference would make a hat for Potter that would fit nicely?
2. Would that size be for a hat that goes between Potter’s ears or over his ears?
3. What is/are Potter’s preferred hat color(s)?
4. What was the type of hat other than the N.C. that Potter was interested in?
Please tell Potter that I MIGHT be able to produce an acceptable hat, but I’m not sure, yet. Answers to the Qs above would help to decide that.
Good wishes to all Rallionesses and other Folks Who Are Working On Their Stuff, for wherever you need or want them!
Claiming chicken amnesty!
The Good!
So much sovereignty! Enough to go around for everyone, even people who thought they had none, but I made sure not to hog all of it and they remembered theirs and it was so good! (This was in relation to a client I could have completely infantalized and bulldozed over everyone in his path and instead he was able to walk his own path and at the end of the day it was so good.)
Remembering that not everything needs a response, and pausing before those things that did need one.
A calendar filled with gold stars from biking, running, swimming, lifting things, resting, yogaing and moving! And a blank one for July and more sheets of stars.
New books and a boat trip to the beach tomorrow.
A run this morning, and then a lazy beach day at the fancy beach with the teak walk way and the gorgeous bathrooms.
The miracles of air conditioning, SPF 50 and sun screen shirts.
And the Pegassist is totally awesome! As is the (very quietly now) handstand.
Back to chicken some more…
Excessive heat — but we have air conditioning. I am really appreciating that! And it’s a heat pump which is supposed to be less expensive and less damaging to the environment.
Great tasting new-to-me food that I’m loving.
Spent an evening with R. He is a smoker, though he thoughtfully did not subject us to it. I still came home reeking of smoke and had to hit the shower as soon as I got in the house. But it was a lovely time and I’m glad
We leave for London in less than three weeks! Squeeee! I’m seeking some information about the accessibility of the tube stations; I have downloaded what was available on the Transport for London website but it doesn’t answer my questions.
Helping someone sort some of their belongings, I acquired several articles of clothing that will be perfect for our trip.
Best of all, in spite of the man trouble I had this week, I continued in that happy place that I’ve been in for the last several weeks. Long may it last!
Love to everyone’s chickens. Yay for all the good; hugs for the hard.
the Hard:
– Yes! this trust thing – i feel that distinctly… so hard….
– over-booking, even though there was so much goodness in it.
– feeling afraid and feeling like the fear is not valid, or that there’s not space for it — that i should be beyond it. oh that’s hard!
– tiredness that i had to endure for the sake of a meeting that i planned for too late on a friday night…
– not knowing how to dissolve the tightness
– dancing around an issue that i’m so afraid to address
– hearing about other people’s hard places…
– being mean to myself.
– feeling like i digressed.
– not seeing my beautiful progress
The Good.
– so much forward progress, things coalescing…
– learning how to receive so much more fully….
– helpers coming my way. good information coming my way.
– my niece! always good!
– painting and a break through in painting world.
– consistency… i’ve been so consistent….
– knowing that i needed rest yesterday, and doing it, even though a BUNCH of hard stuff came up…
– allowing myself to integrate, even though there was a backlash… sigh…
love to you all… and gratitude for this space…
just want to sneak in and say I love reading everyone’s update SO MUCH this week so that goes under ‘good’ and ‘yay.
absorbing happiness 🙂
Hi Chickeneers!
Every week I think there could not possibly be a better band name, so I am used to be being wrong the next week, but now I am sure: Gnome Shopping Cart cannot be topped.
The Good: Meeting superawesomelongtimeverydear friend in New York, even if only for a few hours, and especially the part where I heard her amazing news in person!
Dinner – oh dear Lord at least ten courses! – at Momofuku Ko. One of the wines was the best I have ever had. Many many crazy delicious surprising flavors. I LOVE being surprised by food!
Prada Schiaparelli show at the Met. Oh! SO GOOD. I love Miuccia Prada. LOVE her. Then: Cloud City! It was so worth the heatstroke.
A visit to Jutta Neumann to fix up my beautiful bespoke extremely plain-yet-bright-crimson hippie sandals. Jutta! I LOVE YOU.
Oooh, plus: visit to the Temple of Misson on Madison Avenue. Where they were having a sale. Friend and I bought the very same scarf, of which they only had two left. Of course.
The Bad: I suppose there are the inconveniences of travel. Hotel was a bit… basic. No chrysalis there! Bolt Bus was … less pleasant than usual. But bad? No.
Not in a week where there was a ten-course meal at Ko.
This is me rejoicing with you! Sending you lots of playful, sparkly chicken feathers (that are secretly from pegacorns dressed in chicken suits…that sounds weird, but I trust them)—you and all the Chickeneers. Happy weeks and lots of playfulness to everyone!
A slightly simpler chicken for me this week—because I suspect all the Hard was really just one big Hard (even though I can’t quite find the name for it yet), and all the good can be distilled down to the Good of Permission, thanks to your last post!
HARD:
• The checklist was so unbelievably blown this week. So much so that nearly everything on it will have to be the checklist for next week. Sigh.
• Much of that blown-checklist business came about because I spent the week doing unplanned favors and making secret gifts (literal and figurative) for other people. But then I had to duck a whole bunch of flying shoes pertaining to folks’ perception that I was spending too much time on me, myself and I. Some of those people are the unwitting future recipients of said favors and secret gifts. Grr. Hard. Grr.
• The realization that something big and public that I started is going to have to end unfinished—and very, very soon. I could force myself to push through and at least get a little closer to finished—but the braver, harder, and infinitely more logical thing is to let it end, gracefully. Lots of Hard having to do with pride, because I have a reputation for Finishing Things. And for Doing What I Say I’m Going to Do. Is there a Permission Slip for bowing out without guilt??
• Major case of A.D.D. this week. Of wanting *so badly* to follow all the rabbit holes to all the roses, rather than focusing on the Thing(s). And of feeling guilty about following the rabbit holes, instead of remembering what I learned at Rally, that all the rabbit holes are also all part of the Thing.
GOOD:
• One of the rabbit holes was doing a MAJOR overhaul of my drawer space in the studio! (Yes, Rally, you told me so!) And it feels so good. Everything is organized and logical and flows like a nice, spatial Book of Me. The best thing was transforming the drawer that was previously a repository for old punch cards and business cards and saved bits of paper (stuffed to the gills!). That drawer is now THE PERCOLATOR—the hidden-in-plain-sight place where I put Evidence (exhibit A!) to support my present and future Tiny Sweet Things! I am going to make a little coffee pot tag for the drawer handle. And every time I open it and peek, I grin at the possibilities and ideas percolating inside, and am suddenly transported back to my grandmother’s breakfast nook. YAY, Percolator!!
• I was actually (at times, anyway) able to remember to produce my permission slip to take more time. So that made the blown checklist and the A.D.D. that much more bearable.
• I was in the position of having to say no to all sorts of things this week, and for like the first time EVER, it was so easy! Ease! So much of it! All because of strong, healthy project boundaries (both external and internal). And now I want to figure out how to apply these to all my projects, because it felt so good to say no with such grace and sovereignty!
• Actually looking forward to the put-off checklist for this coming week. Because during holiday weeks, I work like I’m at Rally. Because nobody will bug me! And even though I’m getting stuff done, there’s a holiday air about everything. Good stuff.
That’s it! Pegassist for the win! Happy chickening to all.
I am very impressed by the Shiva Nata-ing mother in law – wow.
And yay for, you know, the thing you did on your hands Havi.
I’m calling amnesty for Chicken as it is already Sunday night. This is because I decide to take the day off on Friday and it was quite wonderful.
The Hard:
* Lot’s of people changing their schedules, so I had to be uber-flexible and then able to adapt and refocus, which is much harder than I’ve ever acknowledged before.
The Good:
* New clients – yesirree- more people to get to know
* Time to write – ahhh
* Swimming, reading, lots of time for Yoga, Shiva Nata and dancing the rhythms of 5.
* A lovely lunch with friend and former boss.
* The Highline- made me want to live in Manhattan again – for a exactly the time it took to walk it.
* Dinner with my daughter who I don’t see so much any more.
I totally am calling for amnesty!
The suck:
-my state is on fire and 6 days straight of 100 degree temps
-the bakyard of Doom and Ghetto-ness. the shame of my husband going out there and feeling inadequate about the state of the yard but seriously, it’s SO much work
-recoverie taking its own damn time despite my very real needs to move on
-migraines. i hate having to take my meds so often.
-lots of negative emotions about the support I get
-some worry abut ther next few weeks, when I go back to work, the kids come home and my husband’s workload doibles. The old plan of “whatever shortfall happens, will be made up by Leni diving into hr personal reserves of time, energy and labor”. The old routines are not going to work, they didnt serve too well before and that’s when I was at full strength
-the Disingenuous Offer of Help: I’ve been doing yard work since 7am. Plese do not linger in your room chain-smoking all that time, until I start putting the tools away three hours later and THEN offer help. I dont know whther I’m more insulted because you assume all the household labor is my job, or because you think I’m so stupid that I actually think this is an offer of help. You know I’ve been at it all morning. You had ample time to offer.
-compassion threshold.
-and then the AC died. th horror! the horror!
The Sparkly!
-every good thing this past week was a result of using the Art of embarking!
-feeling better
-hitting both soft targets and hard ones, getting stuff done despite being slower or more cautious
-coven on saturday, a beatiful ritual for the Solstice in a really beautiful location
-driving thru rural Boulder County. Gorgeous!
-writing and masterminding and writing more. achiveing lots of writing goals
-meeting some other folks who practice Lucumi!
-good food, rest and gratitude
-reading a marvelous novel that has really roped me in. i know the ending will not be a happy one, but I’m so happy to be just escaping into it.