It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
One more week to get treasure and help me give away more treasure). Details here. Password: fredastaire
What worked?
Writing qualities.
One of the things we do a lot of at Rally (Rally!) is writing qualities.
I write them in the air, in my space, on my face and on my body. I write them with my finger. I write them with my breath.
I let them settle around me.
We make compasses of qualities and sit inside of them.
We put words on walls.
This week I was dealing with two different sets of mobsters/monsters about writing. With our old friend You’re Not A REAL Writer coming at me from one side, and Why Are You Not Writing from another.
I sat and drew qualities all around me until I felt better. The word crown above my head. Trust on my forehead. Permission at my left. Readiness in front of me. Ease at my right. Safety behind me. Receptivity on my palms. Grounding on the soles of my feet. Glowing on my belly. Sweetness on my heart.
And then I laughed, because LOOK, I AM WRITING. Writing qualities is not just a door into writing, it is being present with words. It is its own form of writing. I don’t know, it resolved something for me. Writing qualities, as its own intrinsically valuable, unique form of creative play. It worked for me, and I want more of that.
Asking for help in the form of secret code!
I was feeling super stuck around a project I was working on. I set my timer for 22 minutes and then kept running away to the internet to be a distracted mouse.
So I went to the Frolicsome Bar (that’s my secret code name for our Facebook page), and I got everyone to help me:
“22 minutes on the slightly-scary thing. I have tea. I have a floppy hat. We can do this, right? YES. Please respond with code words that I will translate to mean encouraging things!”
Everyone came up with the most wonderful words! It was the best.
I felt invigorated by the rush of playfulness, and went to do my 22 minutes with much more zest for life than I’d had previously.
When I finished, the timer hadn’t gone off and I thought maybe I had forgotten to set it (this happens more often than not).
But it was still counting…I had finished at exactly 21 minutes and 39 seconds….
I felt like Bond Girl. And I felt joyful, because companionship helps. This is one of the reasons I Floop.
Next time I might…
Ask for help sooner.
In lots of different forms.
Because when I ask, good things happen. And sometimes I get soup.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Finally not sick anymore, which means: dancing! Except then I twisted my ankle, so it was back to bed rest. I get it, bed is important. And this is annoying. A breath for waiting for what I want.
- A big misunderstanding very late at night. A breath for the pain of perceiving that I am misunderstood.
- Navigating new territory with the spy who loves/loved/loves me. A breath for presence and tears.
- I still have too many jobs. The ballroom and the Fluent Self and Rally and writing. Also I miss the Floop like crazy. And getting the new one ready involves an insane amount of decision-making. A breath for finding the new configurations that work for me.
- The ride share thing. It has to do with being able to move, and it has to do with community, and both of these are sticking points for me right now. Mainly it has to do with taking care of myself, and recognizing that this is my job, even when it is a lot of work. A breath for compassion as I think through (feel through?) this process.
- Gahhhh, I am having the biggest tantrum about not being able to use my body for the things it wants to do. Actually my mind is going crazier than my body, but the entirety of body-mind needs movement and I am not getting it. A breath for deep longing.
- Doubts, guilt, self-recrimination, old patterns. A breath for undoing.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- The spy who loves me and I decided to take an entire weekend just to treasure each other. To put all of our Stuff aside and the unmade decisions and the hurt so that we could be present with love and adoration. I did not think this would work, and yet it was absolutely delicious. I don’t think I have ever been so able to be in a moment before, outside of yoga/meditation. A breath for experiencing something indescribable.
- Back to dance! At least until the ankle thing. A breath for pure pleasure and delight.
- Waltz Brunch. WALTZ BRUNCH!!!!! This is my new favorite thing in the entire world. A breath for an entire world of happiness that I did not even know about.
- Stone skipping! I wrote and wrote. A breath for jewels, slowly revealing themselves.
- Incoming me explained in no uncertain terms that this ankle business is a very good thing. She also reminded me about the first time that spraining my ankle (same one) turned out to be a gift. Jon, if you are reading, I assume you are laughing about this, and at me. A breath for seeing the funny part.
- I’m in the zone with the latest YEARbook. I had to stop working on three at once and just tune into the one that wants to be now. A breath for flow, what a delightful thing when it comes to visit. And thank you, Rally (Rally!) for facilitating that.
- I had the opportunity to do the usual thing, and I chose something else. A breath for freedom.
- I have the most wonderful people in the world to play with. They just show up. Thank you, Lira, Elizabeth, Marisa and Anna for magic. Thank you, TJ, for sharing/asking/caring/knowing. Thank you, Richard for soup and kindness. Thank you, M. LeBlanc for [] and everything that goes inside of brackets. Thank you, everyone who hangs out here, for being in this with me. A breath for appreciation, wonder, presence and hope.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
My op this week was Deep Cover. It ended up being about Saying Everything Twice, which gave me more intel than I’d planned for on Deep Cover, so that worked out well.
Other things I finished: Jazzed with a J, Dusting Off Old Pages Of Spirals (unplanned op), It’s a new Seasoning, This wish is muddy, Operation Brunch, secret drop with the Czech, Operation Close Eyes I
My op for next week is dress like someone else and keep writing.
WHAM! BOOM!
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of asking for help.
Superpowers I want.
The power of asking for help and not feeling bad about it.
Salve. The salve of sustenance.
This salve is about being sustained and it is a reminder of all the things that sustain.
It is deeper than nourishment, it is steady like being held, it has a rise and fall…like breath, or a waltz.
It goes with you. This salve dissolves old habit-patterns of the mind and releases memories. It fills your space with the sense of enough, plenty, safety, and a certainty about the okay-ness of the uncertainty. It is not a bird and not a tree, but it has some of the superpowers of both.
It is good for lips and for ankles, for remembering truth.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band comes by way of Wendy: It’s a new wave band called Promoted To Hexagons, and actually it is just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
You guys!
We only have EIGHTEEN calendars left and then we are going to be done with Operation Keys. Actually we will be done with all of the ops, even though we have not yet met our Blodgett, because the new Floop embarks somewhere between the 28th of this month and the 1st of March (since there is no Day of Leap this year, we will leap in between February and March).
Anyway, that means there are eight days left to join the mission. Come get your TREASURE and help us distribute more treasure:
Here is the link for Operation Sustenance, which has the three options for getting good stuff. –> Password: fredastaire
I would also like help bringing more people to the site, so if you have a favorite post, please share this week. Let’s invite more lovely people to play with us.
Speaking of lovely people, a Euro Rally! I am not involved in this project other than wishing it so much love, I know the people doing this and they are marvelous. If you are in/near Europe, go Rally with them please!
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
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happy clucks, chickeneers!
YAY!
+For a short work week – yay for company-paid day off on monday
+For kind, fun, and smart coworkers
+For reviewing one of the 2013 Y.E.A.R. Books and finding new treasures
oy.
-need more sleep
-home office paper&stuff explosion. this weekend, operation glow with spaciousness
-monster party [silent retreat]
-Floop withdrawal
superpower I want this week:
Remembering I am enough
Havi, I hope your ankle will be mended very soon!
What worked: Remembering that not everything requires a response. I tell you, that is *powerful* stuff.
Also, compassing and forcefielding with colors. That is beautifully soothing.
Next time I might… Spend more quality time with the dog. Since the move, we’re still struggling to find our new rhythms and grooves, and I’m especially conscious of that where she’s concerned. I think we’d both benefit from the extra time together.
Hard stuff:
–I made a silly mistake and thought my daughter’s school was closed Monday, but it wasn’t. It’ll be okay, but discovering my error was embarrassing.
–The Samurai is having trouble getting appointments set up with new doctors here. Meanwhile, his prescriptions are running out. Worrying.
–I would really like to get my hair done and get some new clothes, and am not convinced that we have enough money for this right now.
Good stuff:
–Beautiful weather.
–Snuggles from pets and people who love me.
–Time spent singing, writing, playing piano and guitar, and reading aloud, and the wonderful realization that I really do give this stuff priority on a daily basis. So much appreciation and gratitude for this!
This week’s superpower: The power of slow. This may not seem like a superpower, but oh, it is!
Superpowers I want: Sweet Anticipation and Savoring the Present — two great tastes that taste great together!
Lighting my candle, and sending love…
Hello Friday! Hello Chicken! A breath for you. This has been a week, hasn’t it?
The hard:
-All of the if-you-don’t-get-to-Boston-now-you-never-will stuff… again. So that was fun.
-Facebook. Getting all kinds of unasked for and unwanted comments and advices.
-“Ladies night” or too much talk about mens, houses, cars, jobs and things I don’t care about. And the, “You don’t start your own topics” conversation.
-Noticing how much I worry about how I am perceived online.
-Total computer burnout – not wanting to look at any screen for more than 5 minutes a day.
-The problem with the communities and people I want to interact with being in the computer and not wanting to look at the computer but wanting to be on Facebook constantly playing with people but not getting all the other crap responses.
-Feelings of “How could I possibly even be considering doing this for a second longer?” when I’m at the GC.
-This play, this play, this play.
-Missing the Floop. Oh, Floop! <3
The good:
-Typing "the hard" and realizing I didn't have that much that came to mind.
-The loveliest responses to things I've written recently. And noticing the ones I'm most nervous about sharing are the ones I get the nicest responses too.
-A crazy spontaneous "coaching" session with a friend where I just followed my instincts and it was a lot of fun.
-My lovely VPA, which felt really nice to write.
-Writing, writing, writing.
-Phone interview for a job-thing!
-Job connections/leads/support from some lovely people. Also, someone offering to feed me if I move to Boston (who is a wonderful cook, too!)
-"I Google stalked you and you seem awesome."
-Realizing an old friend is more than I ever gave her credit for, in a lovely way.
-Facebook, here also, for all the playful interactions and love I've felt there this week and for it getting me through various other things. (Yay escaping to the internet!)
-Body stuff. Yoga every day, the perfect level dance classes on Monday, rock climbing, etc. Feeling stronger and more present in my body. Also, remembering that dance = feeling like myself again. Dance is mission critical.
-Getting "hired" to go to the thing in ATL and hang out with my babies and families for a weekend. HELL YEAH.
-Some successes with operation VOX.
Love to all.
Cheers, Chickeneers!
What worked:
Getting quiet and forcefielding. The power of sparkles! Listening to what my body needed. Noticing when things didn’t need to be hard. Figuring out an elevator-shaft-like metaphorical place to send unwantedly circular thoughtpatterns.
Hard:
-Why is there still so much winter?
-People I care about being in pain about things I like
-[silent retreat] at work
-Offkilterness from the long weekend (what day is it, anyway?)
-Oh-so-much Floop withdrawal (just one more week, you guys!)
Good:
-Listening to something downloaded from the Floop library somehow shifted a whole bunch of stuff in my head. And the room that used to be only marginally useful now has a more spacious yoga corner (with a salve calendar and pillows and blankets and twinkly Christmas lights) and home office space for my partner. I was stuck about this for so long and then–WHOOSH!
-Fractal flowers of understanding how-I-am-in-relationship-to-my-projects
-Picking up a knitting project after time away and noticing how easy it was, how it was like one of those friends you talk to after years away and it’s like you’d never fallen out of touch
-Glitter pens, shiny purple washi tape, sparkly stickers
-Above freezing!
-Camaraderie
-Finding out about a skill share and awesome dance workshops that I think I’ll be able to go to!
-Making slow inroads on the [backlog] of dishes
Superpower I want: remembering the useful things I already know.
Happy weekend, everyone 🙂
Ohmygod me too with the Floop withdrawal. How am I supposed to get anything done without the deguiltified chicken fest.
Yesterday was my Half Birthday!
This week has been intense.
I celebrated Valentine’s Day with an Artist Date for myself. It was colorful and rainbowful and grand.
I did not go to R’fest. I wanted to go so much and I couldn’t make it fit with Voyage de C’tini, and as essential as R’fest always is for me, right now I am on the VdC, and that’s just how it is and where I am. I thought I was okay about it, I thought I had made it past the point where I would have noticed if I really weren’t okay, and then the night between V Day and LC Day happened and everyone was at R’fest or on their way there, and I was here just having a night, and I cried myself to sleep.
Wish: I wish I could always have rehearsals, because rehearsals are the thing that makes me feel most real and most alive.
Wish: I wish I could feel real and alive AND connected and spiritually grounded.
Wish: I wish I could have all the Cupcakes in the world, and all the qualities of Cupcakes, and I wish that I could have all the Chocolate Bars in the world, and all the qualities of Chocolate Bars, and that it never came up again that I had to choose between Cupcakes and Chocolate Bars.
Wish: Planting a seed for balance. Planting a seed for sweetness. Planting a seed for community.
Planting a seed for SLMH. Planting a seed for Unicorns.
Still feeling overwhelmed and annoyed by Op: Space Invasion. Wish: transform Op:SI into something else. Space Excursion. Space Capades. Space Opera. Space Opera!!!
P/P Day(s) went forth. Many delighted people. Did not manage to do another this week. Wish: more space for things that begin with P. More things that begin with P for ME.
Awesome visit to the Phaerie Garden. Expansion, delight, strength, giggling.
I am out of Flux on the Night Shift again. Planting more seeds for Night Blooming Solaceberries.
From here, [it] looks like a Leaky Faucet as I approach [Port Schmatta]. Transmogrifying Leaky Faucet into Gentle Waterfall.
I am feeling sadness which is a little bit wonderful but mostly TERRIBLE, waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.
Sadness of: disembarking Floop, not going to R’fest, people I love get to have what I do not get to have (theme**), [silent retreat silent retreat silent retreat], how hard it is to Rest, still doing the [silent retreat], The Beard
Happiness of: messiness, coloring book, noodles, Valentine’s, bagelwalks, the Yayground, overwhelming tea parties, being on the Voyage, tuning to the key of S.
Big Gwish for the P&P.
Planting (PPPPPlanting!!) seeds for: Liberation Bakery, Space Opera, Unicorns, Gardening, Night Blooming Solaceberries, Gentle Waterfall.
Big tree of Green Stuff.
What worked?
+journaling before bed
+bagelwalks!
+scheduling blocks of time for [P&P]
+the Made-Up Words game
+Floop Groop <3
What could have been better?
+more Blocks
+more [Summer Salts]
+more willingness?
+more Pixies [where is my mind? where iiiis my miiind?]
Closing with LOVE. Closing the door, opening the door. Mmmmmmm.
Oh, you guys! Riv! WHEN will this winter be over?
My hard: It turns out that when you get a tooth extracted and am implant installed, you get free gum surgery and grafts and sutures! They just throw ’em in for ya, no extra charge. Even though if you think about it you realize that of course there must be things like stitches involved.
Augh. Then the heat and hot water died. And, Endless Winter.
So glad for the Salve of Sustenance. Thank heaven they made a big batch, right?
Sympathies and best wishes to you and your ankle, Havi.
This week has been varied and filled with lots of everything.
The good:
My lovely people.
Being in a state to appreciate my lovely people.
Astolat Bowls Club. Seriously: it is a thing. I saw a sign for it.
The theatre. Truth and pity and catharsis.
Oh, and the cinema. Everything is awesome!
I am seeing where things need fixing. I can fix them.
The simultaneously good and hard:
Exorcising the haunted laundry basket
The hard:
The haunted laundry basket belonging to my last network
Remembering that it is no longer my job to do that network’s laundry. And, indeed, that it never was. Wishing that I could believe that this laundry will get exorcised, because it hurts to see my friends being haunted.
The complicated relationship between fun, money, and taking care of myself.
People who move diagonally.
An agent from a network to which I am affiliated, but with which I have some fairly fundamental and personal differences, receiving a message (weirdly enough, about ankles). I think it’s fairly obvious that it’s in code. If it’s in the code I think it’s in, then it translates to something very upsetting. She has not mentioned any possible translations to me. It is festering and I do not know what to do about it.
What worked:
Reading the log
The tray! (here is my tray! http://www.flickr.com/photos/el_staplador/12691274135/) Thank you!
Staying in bed
Eating breakfast (this always works)
Changing the world with the red pen
Love love LOVE your tray! Where did you find the dice?
The plastic ones are these: https://www.storycubes.com/ and the wooden ones these: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Magic-Fairy-tale-Dice-Story-Telling/dp/1856699196 – they even have a superpower cube!
Yesterday was warm and spring-like and then today there snow. I’m trying to embrace the snow-day vibe, but I’m so ready for winter to be done!
The hard:
– a furnace that doesn’t work and an expensive heating bill for a house that’s always cold!
– stuckness and fear around finishing [y]
– family drama and some well-worn patterns
– I felt like I was grinding wheels in every area of my life this week
– overestimating my capacity and underestimating the time ops will take = frustration
– the floor is too cold for conducting 🙁
The good:
– slow, steady progress on Operation Valiant Intergalactic Mission
– snack-sized art got me past 60,000 words this week. Getting so close!
– a friend came to visit and instead of being stressed about guests, I really enjoyed catching up
– lunch with the gentleman yesterday (after three tries, we found the perfect thing!)
– walks with the puppy in the sunshine
– driving alone and singing along to the radio like a lunatic
– dealt with a bunch of iguanas that have been lazing around for months
– I was able to recognize my response patterns to family drama and chose differently this time
What worked: taking breaks, music, and cuddles!
Warm wishes for everyone’s weekend 🙂
Cluck cluck! It’s been weeks since I chickened in.
the hard:
-ongoing health crisis with brother
-ongoing rift with sister
-husband’s unfortunate bastardly tendencies. i know it’s noise but it;s hard to tune out
-disappointment in someone i love who truly ENJOYS seeing me hurt and insulted and laughs at my pain
-sad about the Occultist. all timing is right timing, but ugh. i wanted that cookie
-Greg’s funeral. sad sad sad
-friends slut-shaming women on the street. disappointing
-wanting to sign on for this year’s voyage and money-monsters yelling about it
the good:
-being home and helping
-rift easing?? maybe
-husband stepping up
-seeing old friends at the funeral, and being okay with an old boyfriend with whom i parted badly
-yoga under the mango tree
-turkey vultures overhead, egrets and herons in the lake
-my dear Miami peeps!
-embracing the sober! (can i stay sober at home? doubtful, but for now, YEA!)
It took me a moment to realize that “Waltz Brunch” probably wasn’t secret agent code, but probably actually signifies a brunch, with waltzing. So cool that this is a thing.
And thank you for the salve of sustenance–I have a feeling that’s exactly what I’ll be needing over the next week or so.
Haha! Rudi, I had the same thought exactly when I first heard about it — that HAS TO be code for something! It was an actual brunch with waltzing (or really, more like waltzing with some brunch). Next time you are in my Portland (the Younger), I will drag you to one.
I don’t know when I’ll make the journey from the Elder to the Younger again, but whenever it is, that sounds like a plan 🙂
Hard:
–Owing things: money, effort, time, attention.
–Blushing. Very publicly.
–Wanting to join a good group discussion and not knowing how, half suspecting the discussion would be changed in a way I didn’t want to change it. Also…
–Knowing I would have a hard time articulating what I was feeling, that it takes me a long time to distill this, I don’t know, churning/frothy, uh, substance (?) into language other people can understand.
–Disappointing people I care about because I just couldn’t go on the road trip I said I was going to go on. For squishy emotional reasons. Not “real” (ha) reasons.
Good!
–I made modest financial investments in things I value and that nourish me. (The Fluent Self being one of them.)
–Discovering Elaine Aron! (Good gracious. NOW I get it.)
–Discovering Anne Lamott! (Who annoys me sometimes but still.)
–Somebody read a book I wrote and said it had gorgeous sentences in it.
–Agreeing with him.
–Kindred Spirits.
–Intel. The kind that makes me feel cared for and respected.
–Asparagus with lemon zest.