Some of you will remember how I wrote a personal ad. For my perfect house.
Which is how I ended up living here at Hoppy House. Hoppy House!*
* Sing Ho for Hoppy House! Hoppy House! Ho!
It was fantastic. Especially since I’d really only written it so that I’d feel better. Not because it was actually going to work or anything.
And then …
It kind of started a thing.
People started writing personal ads. For a better job. Or a job.
And for virtual assistants. Significant others. Apartments. And various other things that you wouldn’t really expect someone to write a personal ad for.
I even posted one of them here — when my friend Kelly Parkinson from Copylicious contacted me because she was looking for another copywriter to work with.
Which got insanely great results.
So here’s what I’m thinking.
1. I want to update you on the fabulous stuff that resulted from Kelly’s experiment.
2. Then I’m going to write the tiniest of personal ads as a continuation of my own experiment.
3. And then I’m going to hope that this has planted some seeds and that you’re going to maybe be writing some tiny little letters of your own.
Even if you think this is completely stupid (and, to be honest, I kind of still do), maybe you’ll end up playing with this anyway.
Because writing is healing.
Because letting people know what you need has power.
Because I’m feeling completely inspired by my clients and readers who are writing letters to their blocks and letters to their money issues and letters to their future selves. Also, totally enjoying their weird and surprising results.
Absolute worst-case scenario? You’ll get a little more clear on what you really want.
And who knows? Maybe you’ll learn something that you didn’t know yet. And pick up some more information about where your “I have trouble asking for stuff” patterns tend to show up.
First, the long overdue update.
Actually, Kelly wrote a whole post called How I collected fresh brains for 2009, and it was fascinating and you should read it.
But she also sent me a more detailed description of what went down. And oh my gosh.
Havi,
I’m over the moon about the responses I’ve gotten so far — more than 60! And every email was thoughtful and delightful.This has been the single most exciting event to ever happen to my business.I got so much more than just several amazing copywriter-collaborators. I got introduced to a whole network of smart, creative people.
The crazy thing is, it’s not like I was following some expert template for how to hire independent contractors.
No one told me to do it this way.
But “this way” ended up being more effective than any other way I could possibly have done it.
I hope all the writers I couldn’t work with, who are wondering where to find business, will take this message home and embroider it above their desks:
When the voices in your head tell you something will be a pain in the ass, and that you won’t enjoy it, don’t listen. (In this case, “something” could be marketing yourself, hiring an assistant, trying the chicken.)
Create a way to do it you WILL enjoy. Chances are if you’re drawn to it, it will be more effective anyway.
This has been true in so many other parts of my business, so I finally applied it to this thing I was resisting.
I stopped being afraid I’d find the wrong people, and started imagining what it would be like to work with the right people. And not just the right people, but the ideal people! And that’s exactly what I got! (with a little help from you, of course.)
Wow.
And then a tiny letter of my own.
Here it is. It’s to my closet. Yeah, I know.
Dear office closet,
I would dearly love to turn you into an Angel Refueling Station.This is a completely wacky idea I got from one of my Kitchen Table participants (who said the brilliant words “Even angels need refueling stations!”). And it’s just wacky enough that I’m going to have to do it.
The idea is that you, my closet, would become a space for me to curl up in and hide when I feel depleted and down.
I really don’t know what we need to do to make this happen. I’m also feeling nervous that it will be complicated and time-consuming.
So if you, my soon-to-be-revamped office closet, have any ideas about what would help you become a happy, nourishing, replenishing sort of space for me and my duck to hide in … please speak up.
Love,
Havi & Selma
There.
And then a hope.
I would love it if you’d write some letters of your own. If you feel like it.
Partly because it would help me feel decidedly less crazy.
But also because I’m thoroughly enjoying this process of watching things shift and change just because we’re finally throwing some love and attention their way.
And intention. Intention is big. Because even if it does nothing but promote mindfulness, then yay.
I mean, interacting consciously with yourself: strong stuff. Doing it out loud? Even better. Because then other people can actively help you get what you need.
And then planting seeds, whether within your network or in your consciousness or both … very useful.
I’m going to repeat the thing that Kelly said.
Because it was so great.
When the voices in your head tell you something will be a pain in the ass, and that you won’t enjoy it, don’t listen. (In this case, “something” could be marketing yourself, hiring an assistant, trying the chicken.)
Create a way to do it you WILL enjoy.
And then I’m going to write a bunch of letters. Or at least one.
Follow
You are momentous!
I was just inspired to write a little letter to myself.
Love,
J xx
Joely Blacks last blog post..The British do struggling
My letter goes to my frustration:
Dear Frustration,
I know that working on a new ebook/program is not easy, but you have to work with me. My readers would derive great benefit from such content.
Maybe you can release your grip on me a little faster and let me get back to work. I know that I’m good enough, but there are times you bring my confidence down. I can take a punch, but not every ten minutes.
So let’s relax and allow us to work as a team. Maybe when you (frustration) want to take over I’ll give you 1 minute of attention and that’s it. No wrecking a whole afternoon because you are upset.
Thanks,
Karl
Karl Staib – Work Happy Nows last blog post..Work in the Now
P.S. I’m going to do mine on my blog, because I know somebody specifically will want to read it.
Love,
J xx
Joely Blacks last blog post..The British do struggling
@Joely – can’t wait to read it. I’m sure it will be fascinating!
@Karl – I love that you guys are talking again. Also, nice with the suggesting compromise. Maybe you could even give your frustration its own time. Like half an hour to go for a walk and complain or something and then get it to agree to give you some uninterrupted writing time.
Will be interesting to see where you go with this. Very cool.
I love this!
Lisa Firkes last blog post..Tag! I’m it.
That irritating little voice inside my head said you wouldn’t like this, that it wouldn’t fit in with your blog and all your readers would frown and say “Damn Internet Marketer types.”
So of course, I must write it and post it here just to spite that irritating little voice (whom I just named “ILV” and typing this I realized all that name needs is a “U”, which I promplty supplied with “unseated” so that voice now has the name “ILVU” . . . Irritating Little Voice Unseated).
Dear Unused Domain Names,
As you know, yesterday I farmed all of you out to sedo.com to be sold. It’s not that I didn’t want you; I had such hopes and dreams for you when you were born. But you see it’s part of a pattern I am learning about, one where I have a perfectly good idea but don’t follow through or I criticize it to death. So I’m hoping you will all find good new homes where you are loved and cared for.
I’ve saved one of you to be the champion of the rest. I won’t name domain names here because I don’t want you to start wondering why he was chosen instead of you. But my promise is that you will all be honored (at least in memory) by the way I will love and respect this one from among you.
Besides, he would seem the least likely of candidates. If I were to share the purpose of the site where he will live, you are likely to say I’m crazy. People don’t build websites like that; your target audience won’t like and/or need you and the silly little things you want to tell them. So of course that is exactly why I must do it.
You see, it really isn’t about unused domain names as much as it is about being afraid. I am afraid of so many things, failing, wasting time, success. The group of you represent that fear and that failure, so I thought it was time to let you go and be in more healthy relationships. There are too many of you (27 or so right now) for me to take care of and give the care you deserve.
I’ve already started working with the one I rescued from among you. Please be honored in its success.
Terry
Terry Heaths last blog post..Stream-of-Consciousness Shamrocks
Brilliant idea Havi!
Here goes…
Dear new business,
I know you’re in there somewhere. I feel like we’re getting close. We just keep missing each other by *that* much. I’m sorry for my part in that.
I’m not going to run around chasing you anymore. I don’t think it’s helping. It’s probably why we’re missing each other. I go here, you go there, both looking for each other, but unable to connect. It’s like some wacky comedy movie, but it doesn’t always feel funny.
So… here’s my new plan. I’m just going to sit here, listening, waiting, not moving. I’m going to sit right here so you can find me. No more crossing paths and almost connecting.
I’ve got some tea and chocolate waiting for you, and notebook and pen ready to write down everything you tell me about who you are, and how you want to be out there in the world.
I’m here. Listening. Waiting. Ready to rock n’ roll. Just follow the smell of peppermint tea and chocolate. That’s me being ready for you.
Love,
Fabeku
I have posted a series of letters here. It has great significance for me right now after having another amazing healing session.
J xx
Joely Blacks last blog post..The British do struggling
I love this idea. My mom has championed writing letters you’ll never send as a way of getting stuff out of my head since I was quite young, and it works. I’m going to start using it with inanimate objects immediately.
Oh hey! That post was the first one I read of yours and I meant to do it but never got round to it. Part of what I asked for is coming anyway, but I should get a move on.
I just did it! Here’s my Personal Ad for Awesome:
http://www.tiarashafiq.com/2009/02/22/a-personal-ad-for-awesome
Dear Havi,
You’re weird. That’s a compliment.
Love,
Johnny
Johnny B. Truants last blog post..You fail, Family Living
Dear Sweet Business of Mine,
You and I — we’ve been having some tough times lately, haven’t we? After all of our dreaming and planning we got you launched – and the success was immediate. At first it was exciting, but it quickly became overwhelming.
The problem is, it was too much, too fast. You scared me. I’m like that… never have been big on commitment. And it seems that our working together is no exception.
So I have been doing what I always do when things get scary. I’ve been purposely undermining our success together. The really sad part is that I know better. And I did it anyway. I can’t even begin to tell you how ashamed I am. You deserve better than that. I deserve better than that. And certainly our clients deserve better than that.
I now have some pretty big messes to clean up — but don’t worry — I don’t blame you for any of it. It is going to take some time, but I am hoping we can start over. Well, perhaps not over, but from where we left off — only this time with my eyes open wider to the realities of self-employment — and a true desire to do better for us both.
I want you to know that I see you for all of the wonderful things that you are — an opportunity to use my creativity; to explore new ways of doing things and to discard the parts of my past that no longer serve me; to learn about valuing myself and the contributions that I make; to find ways to create better boundaries and truly develop a work/life balance; to learn to love being perfectly imperfect.
They say that everything in life ebbs and flows — and I hope that is true with us. I hope that in this time of fallow we can plant the seeds for future success, and lovingly tend to them until they begin to sprout and grow. I hope you are willing to give us a second chance. I promise that I won’t let you down.
Love,
Lynne
Lynnes last blog post..Legend of the Sleeping Giants
Havi,
Could you sometime please say more about intention? It’s something I’m trying to wrap my head around.
I “get” it intellectually, but I think that that level of understanding of intention is, well, not really what it’s all about.
Any light you can shed would be really, really appreciated.
christys last blog post..Rumi and President Obama
So serendipitous! I just wrote a letter to my dream house Saturday evening. I was stressing about finding just the right one and I stopped and thought “Wait, why don’t I just write a letter outlining what I want out of it” and so I did.
I wrote it in my journal and I’m not quite sure where to share it, or even if I should.
Thanks for the idea! I’ll let you know if the house finds me 🙂
A little late, but here’s mine.
Dear New Work-Life,
I firmly believe you’re out there, but it’s so hard to find you when I have no idea what you look like. If you could provide some kind of hint – maybe you’re wearing a hat? Or red shoes? – it would be much appreciated.
Sometimes I get fearful that spring is coming and I feel no closer to finding you than I did last summer. The thought of staying with my current work after this summer is crushing me and I hear a little ticking clock in the back of my mind pressuring me to find you soon, soon, soon!
What do I know about you? I know you will require hard work but are immensely rewarding, I know you’ll allow me to help other people, I know you’ll let me make my own decisions over how and when I spend time with you, and I know you’ll challenge me and help me to grow.
If you can help me look in the right places and make the right decisions towards finding you I will greet you with open arms and do my very best to give you the attention, focus and dedication you deserve to bring you to life.
I really look forward to meeting you!
Laurel
Just wanted to follow up a little after this experiment. It sent me into a whole thing about showing appreciation and settling things with everything around me. I’m still going to write a letter to my exercise machine and my bed (which often goes unmade, slob that I am).
But what is really important is these letters make me figure out how I really feel about things. I didn’t write a letter to my mom but I did call her and set up a time to go to the thrift store on Tuesday (she likes going there, isn’t getting out enough, and doesn’t drive. she’s 83). I’m procrastinating a little about writing the letter to the real estate office where I work, but it really isn’t working for me there and it’s time to move on, so that’s coming up.
Thanks for an AMAZING TOOL!
Terry Heaths last blog post..Stream-of-Consciousness Shamrocks
Wow! These letters are absolutely gorgeous. And I’m blown away by all the neat things you thought of.
@Terry – I LOVE the idea of a letter to your bed. I want to do that. And that’s beautiful that even just thinking about writing a letter lead to other stuff.
@christy – sure … it’s kind of a big, complicated thing so I will do some thinking on it and write a post about that. Thanks for reminding me that it’s important!
@Laurel, Lynne, Tiara, Fabeku – these letters are outstanding. This is so, so cool.
And everyone else … I adore you all. It’s so reassuring to have someone to talk about this stuff with. Hooray.
I’ve been reading and admiring people’s letters-to-things-they-want for a long time as well, but have sort of chickened out from writing one. I mean, the only _really_ significant thing that’s missing from my life right now is an inspiring job, and I’m over here in Finland, so how is this letter-on-the-internets going to help me with that? I don’t get it.
And then I read this.
And then I got to the part about intention.
And then *ding…*
…I was all “oh honey, it doesn’t matter that you didn’t get it the first or the fifteenth time, as long as you got it now!” That’s how stupid I felt. 🙂
So now I’ve written a personal ad that’ll invite my dream job to my life. All that’s left now is to convince myself that yes, I do deserve to have something like this.
Thank you for gently nudging me onwards again. 🙂
Sari O.s last blog post..An open letter to my dream job
Dear Budding Relationship,
I am ecstatic that you’re here.
While you are blooming, I would like you to know peace, patience, presence, and love.
Peace that the direction we’re going is the right one and that we’re doing it together—-you, Budding Relationship, and me. It might be scary at times, and I sometimes feel a little nervous and anxious not knowing what is coming or how you’re progressing. But I’d like to check in with each other and ourselves and remember to give ourselves what we need.
Patience that we’re going in this direction at exactly the right pace. There is no need to rush things, nor is there any reason to fear that things are going to fail because the pace is slower than our shoulds and expectations dictate.
Presence that we’re going to be in the moment, loving ourselves in the moment, perhaps, at times, losing ourselves in the moment, but we’re going to be here. We don’t need to live in the future because we might miss the right now, and that’s where all the fun is.
Love for us—-you and me, Budding Relationship—-will allow us to fully experience all of those things I just talked about.
It makes me feel happy when I think of all of these things for you because I feel a real connection with you. And I would like to say that, just as importantly, I want you to let me know when you need something, and I promise we will work together to help you fill your need.
Again, I’m so happy you’re here. I can’t wait to play with you lots and lots.
Love,
Me
Oh, hi. I just got back from Ireland to see this post!
I’ve been writing letters to myself all month in the form of my Shiva Nata-tramp journal, having all kinds of little epiphanies that feel true, and not forced.
Also just finished reading a marvelous book called Growing a Business, by Paul Hawken, which Mark Silver recommended. Somehow even though it was written in 1987, it reads like it was written exactly now.
This book + writing letters to self + your post on Monday = Recipe for Business Perfection for Anybody.
The thing I’ve learned from actually being aware and writing about Stuff for a month is that it’s okay to revisit the same issue over and over and over again. Each time I tackle one angle of it, a new angle reveals itself. So, just being okay with that, and being okay with the process taking as long as the process takes, has been liberating. It seems fuzzy and so very unorganized, but I also feel like I’m making real progress and not going back and forth making and unmaking my mind about the same old questions.
I never realized how many decisions my intuitive brain could make without the spreadsheet-loving side taking over and running the numbers. It’s kind of reassuring to know that somebody wise is actually in there, and I don’t have to do a bunch of calculations and statistical analysis to call her forth, or to trust in a decision.
Yay for letters!
I cannot believe how many sweet, brilliant letters… or how many sweets, brilliant insights you guys have been having. And not just you guys, but people who have been doing these exercises on their blogs or in their journals or whatever. Genius!
@Kelly — I’m so impressed with how deep you are going with this. Rock on with your intuitive brain. I love it.
@Jen — your letter! So beautiful! Your relationship is one lucky relationship if it has you around. Wow.
@Sari — hooray! Love the insighting. And where you’re going with this.
*shivers*
It’s really interesting how almost everyone has been writing to themselves rather than asking the universe for something specific. I feel the need to do that, too. Unless it’s asking for patience, and resolve, which aren’t going to show up on Craigslist… (I think?)
Sooo… I write obnoxiously long. But I also don’t have an alternative online place to stick this (except private places), so forgive me for abusing your comment box, Havi 🙂
—
Dear new business,
I know you feel like you’re having a rough time these past couple months. Things seem really swell, and you’re up up up, until suddenly a needle appears, and bursts your little bubble, and crash! Back down to earth again.
Or lower.
Because after the impact–smack!–you realize that while things were feeling so wonderfully amazing and fresh and new, that was probably because you were selectively forgetting about less happy-fun things that “have” to get done.
It’s like hitting the ground all over again. Smack! Smack! Ow!
I know that when this happens–and it’s happened several times–you feel guilty as well as deluded. You end up wondering if the happy stuff can only ever come out of denial.
I know it feels sucky. But that’s ok.
New Business, I want to tell you something important: Change can be really hard.
I know you’ve experienced a couple of overnight life-changing epiphanies, which seemed effortless at the time, and were just totally awesome.
But that’s not usually how things work. And those lucky, beautiful, awesome breaks have made it unfairly difficult for all the ordinary, long-term slugging-it-out change that has to happen most of the time.
With ordinary, long-term, slugging-it-out change, sometimes there are “casualties.” Sometimes things don’t get done. Sometimes people don’t like you any more. That sucks, but not changing sucks more.
And I think that sometimes you forget that those beautiful overnight changes came from years of not changing *at all*. They were unacted-upon but desperately needed change, bottled up for years. The champagne cork just finally exploded, and thank god for that.
Speaking of champagne, don’t forget to celebrate the victories you’ve already won… just because you find yourself looking around and what you see is a lot of stuff you’ve still got to do before you’re really free.
Think about it… you’re already ahead of schedule. You wanted to be in place by January 2010, and yet you’ll be in nearly full force by April 2009, instead.
That’s pretty awesome! And yet you are all angsty and morose that it’s not *now*, dammit.
I don’t want to say you SHOULD still be high on that, but it’s worth thinking about when you’re feeling in the dumps because not everything is done and perfect yet, and leftover bits of Old Business are still hanging about in in the corners, glaring at you and making you feel tremendously guilty.
I know you feel stressed out, and harried, and overcommitted, and totally overwhelmed right now and pissed at everyone.
But remember: you’re still in transition. You’re fucking up. You’re also kicking ass. At the same time. That is possible, and yes it’s awkward, but that’s where the value lies, doesn’t it? If it were too easy, that’d make you mopey too. I know it would–I know you.
Butterflies look great a couple days after they come out of their cocoon. They really look neat inside the cocoon, too. It’s the bit in the middle, with the squeezing, and the wrenching, and tearing, and wrinkled wings, all damp with cocoon goo, that we don’t tend to think about. It’s amazing and miraculous, but also tough and uncomfortable and really quite gross.
But you can’t have the before & after without the in-between.
As long as you can survive my redonkulous butterfly metaphors, you’ll be all right.
Love and admiration,
Me
Amy H.s last blog post..Why we need interaction designers, not Photoshop jockeys
Hi Havi
I’ve been playing with the idea of writing letters to various things since your post… here’s the one that finally emerged to my Ideal Job:
Dear Ideal Job
I know that this is an unconventional way to go about finding you. I have faith that you exist, but I’m pretty sure that I won’t find you by looking in all the usual places that traditional jobs hang out. You just don’t fit in there. Neither do I.
But just because we’re a bit different, doesn’t mean that we’re rebellious reprobates. On the contrary, you give me lots of responsibility and expect me to deliver high quality work on time. And boy, do I step up to the plate to deliver. Competence, efficiency, effectiveness, integrity and reliability are not just hollow buzzwords, but what I genuinely bring to our relationship.
Although you do provide support when I need it, you know that I flourish in environments where I am trusted and given freedom – to learn, grow and expand; to organise and manage my own time, what I do and how I do it; and to be myself… absolutely sane, possessing plenty of common sense, but a bit quirky and with a sense of humour that owes much to those lovely lads from Monty Python.
It is not only me who benefits from this freedom – valuing my opinions and my ideas allows me to make a real contribution to the organisation’s performance and continued success. This may sound cheesy, but together we can make a difference in the world through work that is sustainable, meaningful and fun.
Our daily adventures together span a variety of tasks and projects, and are a beautiful balance of logic and creativity. If anyone is a perfect 50-50 split between the left and right brain, it’s me. I absolutely love getting all analytical – strategising, planning, organising, and all the attendant administration that goes with these kinds of tasks. And I also absolutely love the innovation and inventiveness of the creative process. I am a largely visual person – when I’m not decorating rooms, painting pictures, or capturing moments by camera, I’m weaving a tapestry of words.
Far from being mutually exclusive, these two aspects combine in the most glorious ways – it comes naturally to me to see the order in seeming chaos, to find structures and frameworks to make sense of details, to synthesise information from disparate sources, and to explain complex concepts succinctly and clearly.
I am open to working with you in Edinburgh or East Lothian, or to having an online working relationship. Either way, I know that our working environment will be a friendly and respectful one, peopled with colleagues and clients who are positive and mature, and focused on developing genuine connections with others. In addition, you appreciate that I require a balance between work and other aspects of my life, and you are flexible enough to accommodate this, knowing that I will never let you down and will always give you my all during working hours.
I have a vast amount of previous experience to draw on, from being a professional to running my own successful business. At the same time, I would like to make a change and try some new things that aren’t reflected in my CV. While others may only judge my suitability for a particular role based on what I have done before, you are able to see past this, and recognise that I have much to offer you. You are willing to give me a chance, knowing that you won’t regret it. You reward me very well financially, and in turn, you receive a high rate of return on your investment in me.
Magss last blog post..That’s What It’s All About