Hello, week: we are here.
Thank you, week. Thank you, space to reflect.
{a breath for being here when we get here}
This is week 425 of this ritual, and so we chicken.
What’s been working? What do I want to play with….
I was having a hard time, and Briana, my wonderful partner-in-crime, suggested that maybe it was a summer squall.
Of course! Of COURSE. That’s what summer squalls do. They storm. Briefly. That’s their whole thing. Nothing is wrong because the squall is supposed to do that. And anyway, they don’t last, and autumn is coming.
Here’s to a good reframe, because I instantly stopped feeling feelings about the existence of my internal storm situation, and just let it do its thing.
I want to play with being more like the moon: sometimes its majestic radiant magic is very palpable, sometimes it’s just hanging out being the moon. But it doesn’t stop being majestic and radiant in the moments that it is in the background.
Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Oh holy god full moon in pisces, as if it wasn’t hard enough being someone who feels everything, and feels it too loud, too much and too intensely, now I am like, 110% feeling everything, and I need to run away and hide, though I guess being in rural Idaho and not going online is basically already that? Breathing for all this big emotion stirred up.
- Had many panics this week, most of which did not even belong to me. Also just the usual thing about how I’m going to be forty and I can’t be a [museum curator] anymore, but I don’t know what I want to do instead, for a living, or how any of it is going to work. Breathing for these moments in which I forget that all is well, breathing all-is-well, because it is.
- Many unexpected expenses. Breathing for trust, and the (much-desired) superpower of what if there is a me who knows how to just delight in flow at all times, whether outgoing or incoming, without really needing to differentiate between the two because it’s all fine.
- Hip pain comes and goes but any amount of sitting more than a few minutes, they are not having it. A breath for listening to my body who is always right.
- Monsters are monster-ing. They latched onto that House of Lies quote and now they won’t stop saying it “Can I get an “imminent demise?” IMMINENT DEMISE! IMMINENT DEMISE!” Sometimes it’s entertaining, most of the time I could do without it. Guys, there is no doom. Things are okay, they’re just shifting around and it requires some adjustment. Breathing for cool, calm, clear perspective.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!
- Full moon in pisces and I am channeling big wild witchy moon magic like it was my job, which, actually, it kind of is. The moon is like, hey listen up babe, I have some important information for you to download, are you ready for this. Of course I am. It’s why I came out to this place of awe and mystery for operation quiet under the stars. Breathing for wild cosmic whatever this is, full-on magnificence, the stuff of life.
- The motorhome is parked by a place with gorgeous pools heated by hot springs, and I have basically been in the water all week, day and night. Stars, water and quiet. Everything I need. It’s a peaceful piscean haven and I appreciate it so very much. Breathing for this is where I need to be.
- Had two nights of ease from hip pain, and today am able to sit a bit. I don’t know if I want to sit, but it’s nice to have the option. Breathing for things move and change.
- So much clarity. For a while it was just stirring things up and making me very aware of uncomfortable things, but something shifted and now it is bringing huge ease and sweetness. I see what’s here. It’s good. Breathing for knowing.
- No news is good news! Sorry, that’s my new favorite joke. I have the privilege of not needing to know what’s going on in the world right now, and so I don’t. It is amazing how my head clears and my heart calms when I am not up to date on all the crap. Breathing for this extra force field.
- Thankfulness. Feeling aware of the enormous good fortune in my life in the form of friends, generous strangers, being welcome, delicious food, that incredible moon. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last time I wanted the power of not caring about the outcome, and I got it.
Powers I want.
I Close All The Doors That Need Closing, Easily, With Great Assurance and With Love.
Announcement time….
Quieting the monsters is one of the most useful self-fluency skills there is. You can buy the monster manual which is available here, and it is enormously useful if you would like to practice being Way Less Impressed with the horrible things that internal critical voices say. And it comes with a coloring book.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
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Hello, chicken!
Some hard things from my week: holding patterns, big scary unknowns, monster rumbles. (Can I persuade them to try a rhumba instead?)
Some good things from my week: this amazing full moon, the re-discovery of a beautiful blue pottery cup, feeling more energetic than I have in quite a while.
Lighting my candle. It smells like vanilla and cinnamon. <3
Mmmm monster rhumba. Hi, blue cup! Hi, candle! <3 <3 <3
“The motorhome is parked by a place with gorgeous pools heated by hot springs, and I have basically been in the water all week, day and night.”
omg I need to be in a place like this … I’m craving water and bouyancy
<3 <3 <3
Buoyancy!!!! YES <3 <3 <3
Farewell week, hello chicken
Some things…..
* flow ahahaha yes, let me delight in both directions because there has been a lot of flow out lately and I’d rather trust and delight and feel grateful than uggghh.
* the practical stuff of life that so many other people seem to find No Big Deal, and how it is a big deal for me, and I am tired etc.
* I still don’t lie down to sleep until my eyes are drooping of their own accord, but they are starting to droop much earlier in the evening than they have since I was maybe eight or nine years old. So there is overall more sleep happening, now to work out how to make it refreshing………..
* I have been learning Swedish using duolingo and it is great!! AND I found the practice button just over a week ago so I’ve been going over old modules instead of forging ahead before I’m really ready now, which is a relief. I was starting to get very very lost
* Spring is springing
* We went to the farmers market this morning and I bought proper strawberries that remind you what proper strawberries are supposed to taste like ie. HEAVEN
* Been helping my mum sort out and catch up on a bunch of health related ops, and soon we will be on top of them and she will be as well /as well looked after as can be.
* I have been getting out and about and involved and active and leaving my house and being busy. Wha??? It leaves me more exhausted than I think it does most people, but it has been nice to be a bit more ‘normal’ lately.
* New insights and research suggesting potential new field guides (diagnosis/es) and road maps for navigating The Land Of Moi. Appmt booked for late November to investigate further.
* A few quiet days coming up, yay.
<3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3
End of an era. About five minutes in [employer] terms, but still, an era. End of nearly three years in my current post and over six years at my current grade.
The hard:
Slight outbreak of BUT I DON’T WANNA GOOOOOOOOO monsters, but they’re a lot quieter than they have been in the past.
House inspection scheduled for next week, and pro cleaners came in on Wednesday and cleaned everything, and the house was feeling all wrong. Like being burgled in reverse. T was ill; I couldn’t sleep.
Depletion. Increased sensitivity to noise.
Imbalanced online interaction, where they want more than I want to give them.
Unpleasant dreams.
The hard and good:
Andrew’s funeral, where I finally met the girl he’d tried to set me up with as a penfriend twenty years ago, and she’s awesome
The good:
New and very butch haircut; that lovely fuzzly feeling round the back of my head
Buying a book I’ve wanted for ages, ever since it came out
My lovely team – well, both my lovely teams, in fact
On track with the current book, and an intriguing new twist to ponder as I go into the rest period
Cluck cluck cluck chicken out
burgled in reverse! that sounds very disconcerting <3 <3 <3 for all of this
Last night, Spouse & I sat in the dark and watched the moon rise over the Sandias.
Tonight we are back home, and all of my plants lived through their dry week.
I miss New Mexico.
I miss new mexico too! <3
this week was … on edge. i feel like raw nerves in a bundle and this makes all my interactions just plain wrong. someone (crush) reacted in a way that implies they think i’m kinda dumb – all the rage and hate. why do i hate it so much when people think i’m stupid (whatever that is, by the way)? much intel about how i see myself and what i value in myself. not the lesson i wanted, but ok, i’ll come around…
the good: people just being kind and glowing kindness in the middle of my chaos. thanks <3 and i hope i am that bearer of kind light for others sometimes.
my wish: let go of the desire to contort myself every time i am obsessed with someone. i know better, in a political and personal way and in terms of just knowledge, but i still can't help the desire to just – convince them of my being great? this is not only bad in itself, but makes me feel bad on a meta level as a clever woman who should definetely be better than that. deep breaths for this mess.
<3!
Sometimes the chicken arrives on Monday.
What works: Not translating my crazy thoughts into crazy action. And remembering the difference between true and crazy.
The Hard:
Misunderstandings and missed opportunities.
Everyone else in the room can see it.
Money blergh.
The Good:
Time and texts.
New clients.
An entirely free weekend with time well spent.
Talking about hard things with a friend, and not having it be hard.
<3 <3 <3
A late chicken clucking!
What worked last week: Recognizing the Treadmill and naming it. Despite intentions to the contrary and recognition of this tendency that “our lives as set up do not support us in important ways”, the Treadmill starts going and it sucks. naming it the Treadmill gives me a great tool in identifying its symptoms and effects
the sucks:
-my vulnerable heart is tender, and the world is a mallet
-my loving heart has to pull back tendrils and we feel the loss of expansion
-sitting on the couch. once I do, it’s all over, so much spent in trivial and unnourishing ways. a breath for this, my own complicity in the Treadmill
-droping balls
-worries about both my daughters. worries about my own health
-lack of movement on any creative Op
-falling down on the journaling. it happens when there is so much going on, but I need journaling to make sense of things, when I don’t it’s just more chaotic
-the gaps between my partner and myself. and not feeling partner
-not doing Best Practices or Next Steps lately, and feeling shitty about that
the sparkles are many:
-beautiful weather
-nice surprises in the garden
-in general, the husband and I are in a good place, the same challenges abound, but more and more we are able to move thru that to acknowledging our partnership in good ways.
-despite the Treadmill, there is a lot more loving support than there has been, the girls are stepping up in new ways.
-I love the transition from summer to fall, and this year its taking its own sweet time
-last week I powered thru a time-consuming but necessary task at work, proving a load to myself about my productivity
-I recently completed a bunch of writing ops, so yea productivity
-many great new habits are landing, including increased exercise in the morning, increased gym time, increased well tending.
-artist dates!
-I have a cool new friend and it’s so much fun hanging with her.
-creativity is there, just need to access it. I have an audition for a PLAY next month. I have a new burlesque academy to take classes. I have magickal things happening. it’s all very cool.