It is Friday, and we are here.
{a breath for being here when we get here.}
Thank you, week.
This is the 373rd week in a row that we are chickening here together. Pretty great.
What worked this week?
Woems! Or as I inexplicably keep writing it: w0ems
A woem is our name for a poem-of-woe, but it’s really just free-form process while letting another part of your creative mind take over
Woems reveal things previously unnoticed
This week I used woems for mediating sad and hard moments, in the style of My Weekend Was Eaten By Bears, or Sweetness For Incoming Me
But also for everything else:
lists / journaling / texts / thinking / posts
I enjoyed these more than usual, because they were suddenly happening in the realm of creative play, and yes, what needed to be revealed was revealed
Next time I might…
Shine first.
I went into some old Placating patterns this week,
forgetting to pause and make sure my lights were on
if you know what I mean
Internal light — next time I want to breathe into that
before responding
And also remembering that really, not everything requires a response
Upcoming Biopic if it were based on this week…
Shimmering goes with everything. The Havi Brooks Story.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Augh quarterly taxes. A breath for spaciousness to ease the quarterly tax blues.
- The sum for quarterly taxes is the exact sum I needed for Project X, of course. A breath for remembering to smile at the hologram. Smile and wave: I see you. Everything is Illusion, and everything that is against me is illusion, and I see you.
- Speaking of money and plenty and forgetting truth, this was a theme. For example, the 14 day bus pass I purchased right before being confined to bed for two weeks. A breath for I Am Okay, I Am Always Okay and even though in the past things were really not okay, I Am Always Okay.
- Body needs replenishing after the past few weeks of illness and chronic pain. We tire easily. We don’t feel like playing. A breath for trust.
- On Tuesday, my lover was going to drive a hundred billion hours (approximately)
from Salt Lake City to Portland, and, more specifically, to my house and to me, just for me, except when he stopped somewhere in Idaho, he found out about a rare chance to acquire his dream vehicle at a very good price. The catch: it was in Texas, and he’d have to drop everything and fly there. He was sad about it, with sad faces, little half parentheses and dots to express longing. And yes, I know he wants the vehicle for adventuring with me, so it’s not like he is has forgotten me. And, at the same time: these past three weeks apart have been so long, and another week is not fun. A breath for almosts, and for missing. - All the releasing and Congruencing means everything in my house is in messy transition, and I don’t like. A breath for lights at ends of tunnels, and for faith.
- Sweet sorrow. A breath for this, and a sad smile for William Shakespeare, who understood the poignancy of Unlikely Combinations.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- A friend of a friend spent five hours on Saturday replacing the broken water heater in my basement, and was so kind about it and charged a very reasonable price, and I felt so held in love by the whole experience. Okay, sure, everything is breaking and expensive, and yet, look at all the ways I am supported and cared for. A breath for things working out, and for appreciating this.
- My lover was able to postpone the Texas thing and come to me for TWENTYSEVEN HOURS OF SWEETNESS. And then flew to Texas. A breath for falling asleep with my head on his chest, his fingers entwined in my hair, remembering that I am cherished.
- As my (external and internal) space clears out, I catch myself smiling all the time, touching things in my home with pleasure and love, saying thank you to the recycling bin, the cheese grater, the woven basket that houses my socks. I am feeling peaceful and grounded and made of magic, the way I do at the Vicarage, but all the time. A breath for the unexpected fruits of Shmita.
- My dance teacher said something that landed in my body like a starburst of light, which, interestingly, was kind of what she was describing. This is THE MISSING PIECE for me with dance, the elusive, invisible thing I have been longing to figure out but couldn’t describe in order to ask. And the funny part: I already knew about this , from a different part of my life. As with so many things, it isn’t about acquiring anything, but getting quiet enough to reveal what was there all along. A breath for joy, mystery and magic,
- I enjoyed creative, playful dances with dancers of all levels, using this new secret internal technology, and everyone was like, WHOA WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A parallel process in writing: a very quiet mysterious project started whispering sweet things to me, and I might be a little in love with it. A breath for this.
- Welcoming in the new year. Crisp red apples. Oregon blackberry honey. Gorgeous lilies. Candles. Fifty two wishes in my notebook. A breath for a sweet, good new year, may it be full of joy and plenty.
- I removed everything from my bedroom that doesn’t delight me, and though I now need a winter sweater, the space just hums with gladness. A breath for the powers of happy hum.
- Thankfulness. So much is good. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong, even when I think it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Wham booms, wisdom, superpowers, salve and FBOTW!
Operations completed. Wham boom!
Progress on many ops this week the ops this week, especially the Congruencing ones. Note the new gorgeous icon! Thank you, fractal flowers. I now bestow upon myself a quintillion sparklepoints, and you are welcome to do the same for you.
Superpowers I had this week…
What I asked for last week: a) Fearless Intentional Choosing, and b) noticing that I’m doing it!
Powers I want.
Feeling the steady pulse of life inside of me, living from that, from joyful Aliveness.
The Salve of Fearless Intentional Choosing.
This salve is both invigorating and relaxing. It invigorates through relaxing.
As your breath quiets and becomes relaxed and steady, you become beautifully clear and wonderfully unconflicted about what is yes, and what is no.
You stand taller, adjust your crown, breathe into your force field, choose Safety First, state your preferences, make room for what you want.
It sounds hard maybe, but that’s what the salve is for: easing every aspect of this, so that it feels comfortable and natural.
Last week’s salve went deep for me, pretty excited about this one. This is a salve of seeds of light, like breathing sparklepoints.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is Destroyed By Humidity. Their latest album is Say No To Florida. And, of course, it’s just one guy.
And the photo was taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!
Quick announcements!
- I was not exaggerating when I referenced the 18,567 comments in the spam folder! So I am declaring SPAMNESTY and shall delete all next week. If you’ve left a comment that didn’t show up, we didn’t censor it! We pretty much never delete things, unless someone is being a jerk. Send a quick note and give us the email you might have used and any other intel that will help do Search & Rescue for your comment, and we’ll do our best!
- While clearing out the house, I discovered a hidden stash of the gorgeous Stone Skipping cards! $22 for an extremely magical deck of cards plus shipping, or for $30 (plus shipping) we’ll add a cheery red Playground mug, since I found some more of those too! Tell the First Mate if you’re interested.
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
p.s. If you want to express appreciation and/or go deeper into Self-Fluency…
Come practice Agency and be a secret agent (ha, agency pun!) of self-fluency, and support this blog and Shmita.
The marvelous Monster Manual gives you the sneaky ways I use to get my self-criticism to take a nap or join the circus or become my ally, so I can stay calm and take care of myself. - If you’d just like to express appreciation for concepts and qualities that live here, you can always contribute to Barrington’s Discretionary. (Explanation!)
- And of course, love and support in the form of smiles, hearts, warmth, sharing posts, practicing what we do here: any and all of that is always appreciated!
A deep breath of love from my thank-you heart for everyone who reads. ❦
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Love, love, love the egg in the new icon! And so much love for all the woems this week!
I am awarding myself a million sparklepoints for deciding that I am good enough and just sending in the thing [secret retreat] already.
This week was a turning point for many things: the seasons – it feels like fall despite summery temperatures and it is starting to look like fall; my moods — stabilizing, beginning to return to a sense of gladness; things happening that have needed to happen for a long time.
I went shopping for shoes and instead found the style of shirt that I’ve been looking for. We did a reconnaissance mission — and I found something that is totally not what I need but it makes me ridiculously happy that this thing exists.
Resuming the weekly DO/DO practice and the institution of Porch Days as a celebration of beautiful weather — these are in part responsible for the return to gladness.
Female trouble (hard) and the meds that control the symptoms (good) so that I can function. Assurance that the trouble won’t last forever.
Husband has a serious problem of long-standing that looks to be getting worse and oh crap. We don’t need that.
Me too on the egg icon for chickens!! <3<3<3!!!
This week:
– Fifty squillion sparklepoints for getting my neighbor's brother to prune the shrubs by my front door. The door is taking deep breaths of relief, and the shrubs are saying, "OK, we _like_ buzz cuts for the fall!"
– Three days left before starting cross country road trip with two of my cousins. Invoking amnesty for not being ready yet; declaring All Packing is Right Packing.
– Found out I will get an unexpected refund on an auto damage repair bill. Yay!
Starbursts of light to all!
All Packing is Right Packing! Yes! I absolutely believe this. <3
Starbursts of light!
Oh, hello Chicken! I *love* the new Chicken and Wish icons, love the rich jewel tones and the marvelous simplicity. To me, they look like beautiful sealing wax.
Hard things this week…
–I got my buttons pushed twice today. My stuff, I know it, and still it hurts.
–Pushing against domestic assumptions and dealing with the pushback.
–Right now, this moment, the air in my house feels too humid and I am frustrated.
Good things!
–I get to spend my days doing work that I love, that lights me up inside.
–The sky has been so blue this week!
–Congruencing my wardrobe, and it feels good.
–Right now, in this moment, dinner is ready, and I am ready for it.
Mmm, that salve feels so good…
Down with domestic assumptions! <3 <3
It’s finally Friday, I’m still breathing, and I’m in a sweet cocoon of layered safety, checking in, here. Deep, slow breaths. Infinite sparklepoints in a great river flowing past
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there was a lot of hard this week
I’m not even sure what it all was
and I’m not sure
if I need to know
right now
right now,
hard,
I’d just like to release you gently
into the river
you will be safe
the river is gentle
you will be cared for
you do not need to fear
someday,
hard,
I’ll see you coming back
and I’ll welcome you,
listen to your stories
maybe we’ll laugh together.
but right now
I need to release you
please understand.
letting go,
gently,
we can both rest.
Hello, Chicken.
The Hard:
– Two nights of only four hours of sleep each followed by a day of socializing. One day it was 18 hours outside my house. The other it was 12. Today it was 15, though I did get seven hours of sleep last night, which helped. Too many people. Too much out. Too little sleep.
– Also: bear time.
– One of these mornings, ridiculously early, I got on to the bus in what I believe is a totally reasonable amount of time (though the bus ticket app slowed me down by being poorly designed) and as I turned my usual grin to the bus driver for the daily “I acknowledge you, you acknowledge me” thing that I’ve never had go poorly, she yelled at me “my god, hurry up.” I was too tired and maybe also too working-on-not-holding-all-my-emotions-back-so-much to keep my face from showing exactly how I felt, which was horribly hurt and angry (I believe eyes were rolled; a sigh was sighed.) Now the bus driver won’t look at or speak to me when I get on, and starts moving before I get to my seat. And yet she enthusiastically greets everyone else and calls them sweetie and it’s a very difficult first interaction to have every morning at an ungodly early hour.
– I have been in a *terrible* mood. Like, do not even recognize my head for all the terrible things being said about people in it. Mostly on the bus. I’m having trouble not, like, screaming at people who take up two seats instead of one without reasons that are obvious to me. This much vitriol can’t be present time. It’s probably not even me. But on four hours of sleep about all I can do is remind myself not to scream and that probably I’ll feel better on the weekend when I can sleep. And be in my home. And not have to see that bus driver.
– Horribly sick. My throat feels like I’m being stabbed on repeat all the time.
– And I mysteriously injured my hand and one part of it hurts and another part of it looks bruised and it’s very weird and uncomfortable. Though luckily it was my non-dominant hand.
– I’m taking on a new responsibility in a community I respect, and I’m filling big shoes. This week was my first night and while I performed all the details technically correct, I came from an energy of worry and anxiety, so my not-so-secret primary job of setting a clear calm energy… Didn’t happen.
– Bleh. I say bleh to all of this.
The Good:
– Nothing. Scheduled. Tomorrow.
– Sweet husband cooking me meals and massaging me and watching Friends with me and otherwise being almost unbearably caring and kind despite mostly cranky nastiness and/or despair coming his way from me.
– Sweet daughter totally handling not seeing me with ease. Also sleeping very well, including for my mother-in-law, who got her down with no problems! Second time in her life someone other than the magic daycare man or one of her parents has gotten her to go to sleep.
– This singing away the shadows thing is helping her feel less scared in her room. Go us for giving her a tool she can use instead of dismissing her and go her for being a singing superstar and protecting herself from scary things. (I think I may have said that last week as well, but it’s still true.)
– A training I was absolutely dreading is turning out really inspiring and a wonderful use of my time. And though, yeah, it’s long days for an HSP, they thoughtfully split it over two weeks instead of doing five days in a row, so I get the weekend to recover before the rest of it. So grateful for that and for all of it.
– The evening event that kept me out until midnight and up until 2 right after a full day of training was about as beautiful as it could be considering my energy levels. It had been a year and a day exactly since I first worked with this group. A year ago I was having one of the most miserable weeks (certainly the most miserable birthday) I can remember and I was watching them celebrate someone else’s birthday in this joyous loving community and thinking I didn’t deserve that kind of love and it didn’t exist as a possibility for me in life. This year everyone knows me and asks how I am, and they all planned in advance to surprise me with thoughtful birthday presents and a song. I feel like I belong, easily and deeply, without having to hide any flaws. I burst into tears while they were singing. I got to sit by my special friend during the meditation and she said something that meant so much to me in the middle.
– Also now I get to welcome new people, for which I seem to have a slight knack and which I certainly enjoy.
– Rain! And cold!
– The job I’m training for seems really cool. Not just “for a job,” but as something I can bring all of me to. (Maybe not all my thoughts, but all of who I’m interested in *being.*) The perfect next step for me. On things I never thought I’d master which seem to be just falling into place.
– Last week had I already painted the kitchen turquoise? Because it’s turquoise now. Still turquoise and still fabulously not mustard colored. I’m stoked.
<3 to all the chickeneers and many sparks of enthusiasm for the new icon.
Ohmygod yes the latest trimet app update is glitchy and time-consuming and makes you work to find your tickets, I have been having and witnessing bus misunderstandings related to this all over town. And <3 for singing away the shadows!
Love the new format. Happy friday and cluck.
Time is speding up, but i’m always happy to see friday.
what worked this week: awarding sparklepoints for every thing. seriously i was non-compliant and resistant to everything.
what sucked:
-work mlaise continues, suck
-i am dying for alone time and outdoors time and i was so jealous on monday when my husband took a mental health day, and i had to go to work and pickm up the kid and make dinner and then he tried to keep me up too late until i snapped
-the husband buying concert tickets thinking they were for Thanksgiving. seriously he thought we were going to go to a rock cncert on tgiving. also talked abut us just getting a hotel room and being gone til saturday morning. this makes me wonder if beyond just being selfish, the alcohol is actually impairing his cognition.
-sooooo mch money going out the door and the girls constantly sticking their hands out for more.
-the chekc engine light that made me panic, made me take the car in frist thing, was nothing, i mean thank havens but i lost almost 2 hours all told to that, and it really cut into that delicious little slice of firday afternoon that i get to have.
-so i am struggling to get that slice of time to write nd as usual A calls me up in that moment and launches into how sick she feels and all she’s done all day is watch tv and then we talk about her abusive ex for a while and seriously it;s an hour. and it wraps up with me being scolded for not getting it, and having to lsiten to process that i cannot comment on, and there’s an hour i’ll never get bacj
-feeling like i need to excise more people out of my life
good stuff though:
-really loving Hogwarts
-love that transition to fall
-met some very cool people, found so may things i have been looking for.
-gifts and blessings all the time
-husband is freeing up larger sums fr my use, and i am grateful
-the kids are happy
-the mojo is flowing
-beauty and noticing
Hello Saturday, <3 to everyone for their hard as well as for their good!
My hard stuff:
– Digestion trouble or rather indigestion trouble still bothering me, I feel bloated, feels as though period is coming but it is not coming, stupid early menopause mess.
– So tired this week, bizarre dreams that keep me wakting up all through the night.
– Due to the latter I get up later than usual and this messes up my precious early morning routine before work.
– Back pain
– h here and back to lethargy pattern.
– There is only one thing in m job that I really don't enjoy and now it is time for it and I get really grumpy when I see all the e- mails related to this chore.
And the good:
– An email that cheered me up so much.
– Another e-mail with not pariculary cheerful content but it was a big proof of confidence and trust by someone. A breath for the solidarity that was created.
– A pub night with a school friend.
– Managed to break ouf lethargy by going for a long run.
– Will now cook a pumpkin and sweet potatoe curry.
Samedi shalom! Toda raba, semaine.
What worked this week? Skypes. The new hair color (blue-green!). Going to the coffee shop.
Next time I might: turn on the curling set when I plug it in. Try the Handsome in Handcuffs cocktail.
Hard:
1. Revisiting some of my fic and missing the snap-crackle-pop that genre brought out in Past Me
2. Rejections
3. Wanting to receive people’s recommendations with respect whilst also being honest about the unlikelihood of my getting to them ever, let alone soon, not because of lack of interest but because there are items in my to-watch and to-read and to-complete stacks that have been there for years and are still compelling enough for me to plan on getting to them. Something I could puzzle over during can’t-politely-work-on-other-things situations, come to think of it.
4. A local charity refusing to rent event space to Planned Parenthood, and another reneging on the rental agreement less than a month before the save-the-date-level event. I’d supported one in the past and felt friendly toward the other.
5. Delivery isshooz.
6. The assumptions that everyone has or should have a cell phone with a data plan.
7. Tomato cutting not looking good enough to transplant.
8. Unhealthy schedule, unhealthy eating. And eyes too puffy for makeup.
Good:
1. Treated to a birthday dinner at Indian alehouse
2. I’d been privately chiding Past Me for purchasing a curling set some months ago, but it has come to the rescue today.
3. Japan’s win over South Africa in rugby. My goodness.
4. My job includes watching car videos and weaving minature rugs.
5. The coffee I am sipping from my favorite bakery.
6. The bakery had a pan of bars called “Jimmy Chews.” Perfect for an upcoming glossy-magazine break.
7. Yet more balloon flowers!
8. Beautiful weather.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
Blue-green hair! You and the chicken are synced up! Also <3 for Jimmy Chews
The Hard and the Good:
Massive anxiety attack over Thing at work. Anxiety is shorter lived than it used to be. Thing will most likely not be the downfall of me. Remembering that everyone makes mistakes.
Night out with girls I don’t like who were weirdly obsessed with talking about a thing that isn’t funny at all, but laughed about it. Getting up and going to the bathroom when they did it, and eventually leaving. Realizing that I can now happily rsvp “no” to the wedding where they are all going to be. A breath for knowing and for no-ing.
Job interview Monday (both Hard and Good because growing is important but I haven’t received all the intel from the attache and so I’m feeling ill prepared.)
Trying to remember that I don’t need a lot of People, just the right people. And that I have my right people so I don’t need to go places with a lot of people.
Ola Chickeners! I love the new chicken-egg <3! And this week's salve, as is often the case, is EXACTLY what I need. Thank you Havi and all who join in here, I have learned SO much from you. May your week be full of The Good and may any Hard that comes along dissolve to reveal its secret treasure! x
may it be so! <3
I made a really important decision! And people were very enthusiastic about it!
yay enthusiasm for decisions!
I kind of want to declare SPAMNESTY on my entire e-mail and my entire room and basically just get rid of EVERYTHING rather than going through it one by one to catch the interesting and delightful and True Yes-y things that might end up otherwise getting thrown out.
What is the correct next step when one gets to that point of fed-up-ness? I think I need to sit in my sovereignty for a bit and maybe rub on some of that Fearless Intention Choosing salve.
<3