Hello, week: we are here.
It is a Sunday chicken again, aka right timing o’clock, and I am in the same place I was exactly a week ago (literally, not metaphorically) but across the table (literally, but maybe also metaphorically), and I am happy to chicken
{a breath for being here when we get here}
Thank you, week!
This is the 412th week in a row we are chickening here together!
What’s been working?
SO MANY THINGS.
I think my favorite though was doing something palpable to release the week. Agent Sloan and I went and just immersed ourselves in the most luscious healing foot bath for two hours. We emerged with new feet, new eyes, and having experienced, at least temporarily, what it is like to just let things go. But mainly I think I finally understood to what extent ritual is a door.
I might try…
Ha, last week I said “be willing to abandon a perfectly good plan”, and this week I was!
Next time I might try remembering sooner that Shit Is Not About Me.
Naming the days.
This week was the week of the Italian heiress and reveling in freedom and these were the days.
Beautiful boundaries. Regal as fuck. Joyful day of joyful moments! Creative flow is mine. Revel in being free. Joy in this exact timing. Follow the compass.
Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…
Undoing Conditioning: A Part Of Me Knows How To Luxuriate Like A Cat
8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Everything takes between four to twenty seven times longer than I anticipate it will, and this is not news to me or to anyone, and yet it continues to take me by surprise. All plans are illusory, and we know this, and yet I am still taken aback when the thing that always happens is still happening. That’s the power of rigging. A breath for remembering for being able to laugh about it.
- I keep being in spaces that are not supportive for me, whether that’s twitter or dance spaces or learning environments or looking for a response where there is one and where one wouldn’t serve me anyway. A breath for deep trust and for taking care of my kingdom first.
- The world is too loud for me, and this is not news either, I just want to say that HSP life is work and I see other people being energized by things that drain me, and sometimes I have envy. Also: ugh politics ugh the internet ugh the way things that need to be called into question are just accepted as normal. A breath for learning to take care of myself in new ways.
- I was planning to spend this weekend first at the coast and then in Seattle, and neither of those things happened and that is probably a good thing, and also it is time to leave Portland, this is indicated, and I am kind of floating in between A breath for spaciousness and trust.
- I got in a fight at dance! This was exciting and empowering (it helps when you’ve been pretending to be Italian all week), but/and also stressful and draining. I don’t enjoy having to defend or explain myself. A breath.
- Always getting ready to go out and do something fun and wild, and then choosing bed instead. This isn’t a bad choice at all, and Adrianna the Italian heiress adventuress reminds me that there is great luscious power in the readying, in luxuriating in the readying, and that the actual going out is less important, and of course there is time, and all timing right timing. This can be hard for me to trust and remember, so let us have a breath for truth, for trusting and remembering.
- The pain of the moments when I seem to have no yeses, and also the pain of the moments when I have many yeses and sometimes these are not met with responding-yeses and this is probably just-right, I believe this, and I understand that the not-yeses I am receiving are in my benefit, this too. And sometimes I just have this craving for someone or something to say YES YES YES I CHOOSE YOU AND I CHOOSE NOW. So I will be this person and I will say it to myself, and all my selves, over and over and over again, I will channel love-source and be the glowing yes to my life. And also I want someone to kiss me across a table with passion and over-the-top feeling because it has to happen in this beautiful moment now. And it is okay to want this. A breath for all my wanting. May I always remember that wanting is beautiful.
- Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.
8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.
the day of seven hours of dance
- This was a beautiful week of beautiful moments. So much joy, play, pleasure, panther-ing. A breath of delight in being alive.
- The walls and floor are painted in the secret studio in the basement, and it finally feels like a place where magic can happen, it reminds me of the playground. A breath for sanctuary and the many forms it can take.
- I don’t have a home and I am weirdly okay with not having a home, because I am Adrianna the eccentric Italian heiress and she doesn’t need a home, she needs adventure and quiet and inspiration and people to flirt with. This is new and fun, and a big healing for past-me who had no home for so long and napped in the park and was so deeply, painfully invested in passing as someone who wasn’t [without a home]. A breath for this adventure and for being able to be on it.
- DANCE. Seven glorious hours of it on Wednesday and most of today as well. Cha cha and west coast swing and dance epiphanies and heartbreakingly beautiful waltzes, and wildly inventive fusion, and I am a panther and I draw my power from the earth. Plus an hour that I spent with Sarah just focused on one tiny movement in the rib cage. All the training I have been doing is paying off: this week I felt graceful, grounded, balanced, at ease in my body and in in play. A breath for this embodied aliveness.
- This one is a keeper: I know what I want and I know what I don’t want. A breath of quiet trust.
- I just mostly feel good about this process. I am listening and learning and touching in. I am finding doors and passage. Staying in Rally mindset. A breath for appreciating this.
- Such amazing good fortune. A breath for this.
- Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of spending a week on stealth rally with Agent Sloan, meeting up with the right people in the right moments, saying no to things that are no, second breakfast. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
Superpowers I had this week…
Last week I asked for the powers of being my most embodied graceful powerful self who transmits in every moment that I am not to be messed with. And honestly, this one felt like even more of a reach than usual.
But actually I had brassy force fields this week and people respected them, and I stood up for myself at dance, and brought in clear anger to set boundaries when that was needed too.
Powers I want.
More of the same because it feels absolutely incredible, and also the powers of standing tall, deeply engaged with life, surprise ease, and taking exquisite care of myself for no reason at all.
The Salve of Luxuriating Beyond Reason.
I was shaving my legs very haphazardly in the shower (because that’s the only way I do it), and Adrianna, in her inimitable way, found this enormously surprising. Like, if I have this opportunity to touch myself, why would I not revel in it and enjoy every pleasurable second of being with my legs. She doesn’t particularly care either about shaving or not shaving, she gets that I do it because I like smoothness and that I don’t particularly care, but it bothers her when I neglect an obvious opportunity for pleasure.
Anyway, she said something about taking time, really taking time, to luxuriate in touch, to luxuriate in the time-taking itself, not to neglect myself or rush through something that could be about love.
So this is a salve of intention, pleasure, presence, and self-adulation. And about time being a gift that I bestow upon myself with tenderness and wild sensual attentiveness and devotion.
It’s a salve of love, breath, being over doing (and doing-infused-with-being), deep sweetness, and it dissolves the monsters of “undeserving and unworthy and get over yourself”
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is:
Quality Distraction
Their latest album is Let The Revolution Begin, and this band is just one guy.
Announcement time….
More to come soon, but I left the monster manual in the place that used to be the the shop. So if you missed the closing of the shop, there is still something beautiful for you!
How was your week?
Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.
And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!
<3
This past week was a rough one for me, emotionally. I am ready for a fresh beginning.
Oh, and I am also *very* ready for that salve. My birthday is tomorrow; what a marvelous time for luxuriating beyond reason!
Thank you.
Happy birthday!!! May you have *much* luxuriation. <3 <3 <3
Oh, chicken, chicken, chicken. What a week it’s been.
The hard:
– Jo Cox. What has my country become, that elected representatives get shot and stabbed in the street? And half the press falling over themselves to insist it wasn’t politically motivated…
– and the football violence and Orlando and what on earth’s going on with the Europe debate and the awful racist stuff all over everywhere
– blisters (bless you, fountain, that you also take the blisters)
The good:
– fish and chips on the beach, and a seagull got some of them and this was entirely correct
– some really fantastic mussels
– two conferences down, and they went very well
– knowing what to put in my toolkit, literally and metaphorically, and knowing when to use it
– seventh wedding anniversary, and while my views on marriage in general are very different from what they were seven years ago, I am spending my life with an excellent person
*adds a tube of Luxuriating Beyond Reason to the toolkit*
-o-o-o-o
Hello, week!
Hello. Weak.
this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPglNjxVHiM
this week has been so hard that i think i am going to chicken upside down.
Fake Band of the Weak: Sorry Generator and The Terrible Toilets.
Soaking myself in a bubble bath of Love Solution.
this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH8Ah_VO6w0
Powers I Want:
Superpower of Dramatic Healing Moonlight
Superpower of Incredible Detectiveness
Superpower of Describing What Is T/Here
Superpower of I Find Where The Singing Is
Powers I Have Had:
Superpower of Tequila Chili
Superpower of Best Storytime
Superpower of Matching the Colors
Superpower of Shiny Magnets
Breathing for delights, donuts, deliciousness.
+Breathing for actual donuts, I had a Cookie Butter one and a Hazelnut Creme one yesterday and they were magical in all the right ways
+Breathing for tiny!Festivals and the glorious people who join me for them
+Breathing for asking for what I need, and receiving yes. Breathing gratitude for Agent Omicron and Agent Gardens and Agent Ashcoal and Agent Planets, especially, for their yeses.
+Breathing for the Song That I Wrote. Breathing for the me who did this thing, WOW.
+Breathing for the TinyBang Adventure that was even more awesome than I thought it was going to be, which was already a pretty huge level of great awesomeness.
+Breathing for Agent Mermaidfins and Agent Hats for holding my hands into the disappearingland of Best Storytime. Breathing for Genderqueer Paperdolls. Breathing for escapay.
+Breathing for the Great Collage Mission, wherever it may lead. Breathing for the dramatically intricate fractal flowers, the interconnections, the treasure hunting. Yes, yes, yes.
+Breathing for the gorgeous sunset out my window right now. YES FOREVER TO THIS.
Breathing for the hard, the tangles, the mysteries.
+Breathing for the Mystery of [[[<3 </3 <3]]]. Breathing safety. Breathing love. Breathing heart-warmth. Breathing community. Breathing everyone has the support they need.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Danger Hand. Breathing for the me who can only be present with the Danger part. Breathing for the me who wasn’t free when ze needed to be. Breathing for Butterfly Me. Breathing for Survivor Me.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Sad Stories. Breathing for the me who [the bad thing(s) happened to]. Breathing for the me who keeps crying at things.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Agent Ashcoal. Breathing for the survivors. Breathing for the me who believes them, which is all of the mes. Breathing for the me who whiches ze knew the right answer(s), which incidentally is also all of the mes.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Nails. A lifelong mystery.
+Breathing for the Mystery of QFest. Breathing for the me who does not want to go. Breathing for the me who is going. Breathing for them being the same me, also.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Fort Gofar. Breathing for why the FUCK do they get to have so much creepy sinister power? Yucchhh.
+Breathing for the Mystery of Operation S-Talks. Breathing for the unsteady rocking. Breathing for the me who solved it as best as ze knows how. Yes.
A breath for being here.
A breath for moving on.
[colorset 6A, also upside-down]
roseberry, clear skies, gray, cerulean, lemon sugar, forest green, underpants blue, black, peach, moss, yellow, violet-fuschia, dusky rose, ocean blue, spring green, golden, deep red, spring green, shadow violet-fuschia, bright teal
[colorset 5D, continuing upside-downily]
chartreuse, winery, lilac, blue rinse, butter yellow, glow worm green, shadow gold, pink, pistachio, light bluegrey.
some days that have had some names:
day of good, day of free refills, day of steady embarking, day of encountering from within, day of glowing miracles, day of expansive merriment, day of channeling the ocean, day of powering back up, day of reve(a)ling the steadyrock, day of all the lights shining bright, day of ::earth::heart::, beach day, [day of dismay], pblu day, day of replan(et)ing, just a day, [[and then some quieter days]]
I might try…
+listening to the me who knows what time ze wants [writingspace]
+[sing]ing every day
+writing out notes on the [rainbow spreadsheet]
+journaling about the Agent Ashcoal scenario
What’s been working?
+asking for help when I need help
+hiding when I need to hide, and saying yes to safe hiding places
+stopping when it’s time to stop
+Operation Feet First
releasing this chicken with sparkledust and beautiful whoooooshes
Oh, the salve this week . . . I’m rubbing it into my bones . . . And the idea of time as a gift I give myself to treasure myself . . . Such resonance . . . And appreciation for this previously unimagined way of loving myself <3