Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, week: we are here.

It is a Sunday chicken again, aka right timing o’clock, and I am in the same place I was exactly a week ago (literally, not metaphorically) but across the table (literally, but maybe also metaphorically), and I am happy to chicken

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 412th week in a row we are chickening here together!

Or “checking in”, if you prefer to enunciate.

What’s been working?

SO MANY THINGS.

I think my favorite though was doing something palpable to release the week. Agent Sloan and I went and just immersed ourselves in the most luscious healing foot bath for two hours. We emerged with new feet, new eyes, and having experienced, at least temporarily, what it is like to just let things go. But mainly I think I finally understood to what extent ritual is a door.

I might try…

Ha, last week I said “be willing to abandon a perfectly good plan”, and this week I was!

Next time I might try remembering sooner that Shit Is Not About Me.

Naming the days.

I name each day the night before and I love how names change things and also how they become incantations.

This week was the week of the Italian heiress and reveling in freedom and these were the days.

Beautiful boundaries. Regal as fuck. Joyful day of joyful moments! Creative flow is mine. Revel in being free. Joy in this exact timing. Follow the compass.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

Undoing Conditioning: A Part Of Me Knows How To Luxuriate Like A Cat

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. Everything takes between four to twenty seven times longer than I anticipate it will, and this is not news to me or to anyone, and yet it continues to take me by surprise. All plans are illusory, and we know this, and yet I am still taken aback when the thing that always happens is still happening. That’s the power of rigging. A breath for remembering for being able to laugh about it.
  2. I keep being in spaces that are not supportive for me, whether that’s twitter or dance spaces or learning environments or looking for a response where there is one and where one wouldn’t serve me anyway. A breath for deep trust and for taking care of my kingdom first.
  3. The world is too loud for me, and this is not news either, I just want to say that HSP life is work and I see other people being energized by things that drain me, and sometimes I have envy. Also: ugh politics ugh the internet ugh the way things that need to be called into question are just accepted as normal. A breath for learning to take care of myself in new ways.
  4. I was planning to spend this weekend first at the coast and then in Seattle, and neither of those things happened and that is probably a good thing, and also it is time to leave Portland, this is indicated, and I am kind of floating in between A breath for spaciousness and trust.
  5. I got in a fight at dance! This was exciting and empowering (it helps when you’ve been pretending to be Italian all week), but/and also stressful and draining. I don’t enjoy having to defend or explain myself. A breath.
  6. Always getting ready to go out and do something fun and wild, and then choosing bed instead. This isn’t a bad choice at all, and Adrianna the Italian heiress adventuress reminds me that there is great luscious power in the readying, in luxuriating in the readying, and that the actual going out is less important, and of course there is time, and all timing right timing. This can be hard for me to trust and remember, so let us have a breath for truth, for trusting and remembering.
  7. The pain of the moments when I seem to have no yeses, and also the pain of the moments when I have many yeses and sometimes these are not met with responding-yeses and this is probably just-right, I believe this, and I understand that the not-yeses I am receiving are in my benefit, this too. And sometimes I just have this craving for someone or something to say YES YES YES I CHOOSE YOU AND I CHOOSE NOW. So I will be this person and I will say it to myself, and all my selves, over and over and over again, I will channel love-source and be the glowing yes to my life. And also I want someone to kiss me across a table with passion and over-the-top feeling because it has to happen in this beautiful moment now. And it is okay to want this. A breath for all my wanting. May I always remember that wanting is beautiful.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

the day of seven hours of dance

  1. This was a beautiful week of beautiful moments. So much joy, play, pleasure, panther-ing. A breath of delight in being alive.
  2. The walls and floor are painted in the secret studio in the basement, and it finally feels like a place where magic can happen, it reminds me of the playground. A breath for sanctuary and the many forms it can take.
  3. I don’t have a home and I am weirdly okay with not having a home, because I am Adrianna the eccentric Italian heiress and she doesn’t need a home, she needs adventure and quiet and inspiration and people to flirt with. This is new and fun, and a big healing for past-me who had no home for so long and napped in the park and was so deeply, painfully invested in passing as someone who wasn’t [without a home]. A breath for this adventure and for being able to be on it.
  4. DANCE. Seven glorious hours of it on Wednesday and most of today as well. Cha cha and west coast swing and dance epiphanies and heartbreakingly beautiful waltzes, and wildly inventive fusion, and I am a panther and I draw my power from the earth. Plus an hour that I spent with Sarah just focused on one tiny movement in the rib cage. All the training I have been doing is paying off: this week I felt graceful, grounded, balanced, at ease in my body and in in play. A breath for this embodied aliveness.
  5. This one is a keeper: I know what I want and I know what I don’t want. A breath of quiet trust.
  6. I just mostly feel good about this process. I am listening and learning and touching in. I am finding doors and passage. Staying in Rally mindset. A breath for appreciating this.
  7. Such amazing good fortune. A breath for this.
  8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of spending a week on stealth rally with Agent Sloan, meeting up with the right people in the right moments, saying no to things that are no, second breakfast. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the powers of being my most embodied graceful powerful self who transmits in every moment that I am not to be messed with. And honestly, this one felt like even more of a reach than usual.

But actually I had brassy force fields this week and people respected them, and I stood up for myself at dance, and brought in clear anger to set boundaries when that was needed too.

Powers I want.

More of the same because it feels absolutely incredible, and also the powers of standing tall, deeply engaged with life, surprise ease, and taking exquisite care of myself for no reason at all.

The Salve of Luxuriating Beyond Reason.

These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

I was shaving my legs very haphazardly in the shower (because that’s the only way I do it), and Adrianna, in her inimitable way, found this enormously surprising. Like, if I have this opportunity to touch myself, why would I not revel in it and enjoy every pleasurable second of being with my legs. She doesn’t particularly care either about shaving or not shaving, she gets that I do it because I like smoothness and that I don’t particularly care, but it bothers her when I neglect an obvious opportunity for pleasure.

Anyway, she said something about taking time, really taking time, to luxuriate in touch, to luxuriate in the time-taking itself, not to neglect myself or rush through something that could be about love.

So this is a salve of intention, pleasure, presence, and self-adulation. And about time being a gift that I bestow upon myself with tenderness and wild sensual attentiveness and devotion.

It’s a salve of love, breath, being over doing (and doing-infused-with-being), deep sweetness, and it dissolves the monsters of “undeserving and unworthy and get over yourself”

Side effects include awe and wonder and wanting more of this

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

just-one-guy

This week’s band is:

Quality Distraction

Their latest album is Let The Revolution Begin, and this band is just one guy.

Photo taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!

Announcement time….

More to come soon, but I left the monster manual in the place that used to be the the shop. So if you missed the closing of the shop, there is still something beautiful for you!

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

The Fluent Self