Unconditional love is such a weird concept.
It’s both crazy hard and incredibly simple.
Hard to remember. Especially when I feel overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, unsure, disconnected.
Sometimes I have to remind myself from the outside when I forget how to access it on the inside. Or the other way around. But sometimes jumpstarting is involved.
What I’m thinking about when I’m thinking about unconditional love.
I think about Tapuzonet, the neighborhood cat I hang out with every Tuesday (that’s not really her name — just what I call her), and how my heart melts when I see her.
I think about what it means to be a super fan.
How the Timbers Army sings louder when the team isn’t doing well. What it feels like to wave, yell, sing, stomp and cheer through and after a loss. That rush of appreciation without expectation.
As if thousands of people are following the same silent internal call: Love harder! Love harder!
I think about how when you’re falling in love with someone, all their character flaws are adorable and charming.
And physical weirdness just makes them hotter. Unconditional lust! How is that not a phrase?
I think about trees.
How they don’t ask anything of you. I remember the redwoods. Like giant humming love machines. They really do hum.
I think about my gentleman friend doing the hilarious Egg Dance to cheer me up, even though he doesn’t dance ever.
I think about the deep, powerful, full-body happy that can come after a session of Old Turkish Lady yoga.
Or even after an endorphin-packed aerobic workout. How your body is singing to you and you are singing back and it’s this joyful chorus of I am here.
I think about the shivanautical epiphanies and how sometimes you start to feel the new patterns landing, and there is so much excitement for everything that is now possible.
Possibility rushes through your veins and then there is just love.
I feel into all of these, and I begin to remember.
And even in those moments when I can’t feel loving towards myself or anyone else, I can remember aspects of the feeling.
I can find the tiny places inside of me that remember what it is like to fill up with love. And we can start from there.
And comment zen for today.
This stuff is hard. We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.
We let other people have their own experience, which is why we don’t give advice or try to make things better for people. We give each other spaciousness and appreciation.
If you want to share things that remind you of unconditional love, that would be beautiful. And of course you don’t have to.
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♥
Yesterday I brought a foster dog into my home who’d been homeless and awaiting death at the local animal control. He is a beautiful (though malnourished) pure bred Chow. He’s about 3. I didn’t know how he would react to a household (with a toddler in it) or to us. I didn’t know if my heart could give him all he needed after losing my beloved dog in April…
But, this boy is so grateful and loving it is incredible. Building that trust and the unconditional love that animals can give one tiny step at a time is an amazing, inspiring, fulfilling experience. Certainly it has given me much to think about and I’ve been so interested in feeling thankful that I have the ability to help this guy while he is so clearly thankful that someone is helping and loving him.
This is really beautiful, Havi. It reminds me of a study I read which said that happiness is not a state of being, but rather a series of random moments we can claim where we filled fulfilled, excited, at peace, grateful, etc.
When I think of unconditional love, I think about my son. And the crazy Siberian husky pup. Not that I don’t love others, but unconditionally I feel pulled by my two “sons.”
I agree that when stuck, a wonderful way to jumpstart the feeling is by remembering…Reminding ourselves that at one or more points in time, things were easier, and our hearts, fuller. The aspects, yes.
Ah, the process of life. We all have issues, right?;).
Thank you for this lovely post:).
Dogs. Of course. (waving to Eve, and thinking about her lovely concept of the bose)
Very small children. They are so ready to love, so open. I have a multitude of memories of my daughter and the love she has given me over the years, different at different ages and stages, but always such a gift.
Unconditional lust! I know exactly what you mean, and I haven’t heard it talked about in many other places.
Redwoods give me that feeling, too, and so does the ocean. And now I’m remembering a song lyric: The ocean refuses no river. Yes.
This post reminds me of love. All the little examples you cited make me smile – I have experienced some of them. (The redwoods do hum. And I am spending a four-day weekend with them! Yesss.)
When I’m feeling love, I try to stop and notice. Pause (paws!) and bask, wriggle deeper into the sensation, the warm glow, the spaciousness. So that it’s easier for me to remember later, when I am not as heart-full. And I write it down when I can, little moments captured in words that will trigger a more all-senses-involved memory when I reread them.
Thank you, Havi.
Unconditional lust! This sums up my life lately. And I’m so glad for it.
Um. Yes. Where were we? Love.
I think about my cat, and the heart-melt I get when he jumps up on the bed, appearing to ignore me, but settles so that a little bit of him is touching a little bit of me.
I think about my Tajik host-mother talking to my American mother on the phone. One in Russian. The other in English. Both saying: thank you thank you thank you.
I think about my blog readers, and that weird way that I am absolutely certain of all of their awesomeness and lovability without knowing a damn thing about them.
And oh Havi, being around you is such a potent reminder of love. How do you do that?
I think about watching television with my mother and both of us falling asleep. Family naps as it were.
I think of the million inside jokes my brother and I have.
I think of my cat when he wants affection in the middle of my yoga practice. Or when he sits there like a good boy during his daily insulin shots. Or when I’m having a bad day and he lays next to me on the sofa, despite the fact that he’s on the edge of the seat and it can’t possibly be comfortable.
I think of having written or painted something. The Doing can be hard, but the final product of a creative endeavor makes those moments of Hard worth it.
Havi, thank you for this beautiful outpouring of gratitude.
Mmmm.
Yes to inside jokes.
Now I’m also thinking about my neighbor who says about her baby, “He even cries cute!”. And how adorable that is.
Obviously, of course, he does not cry cute. He cries loud and annoying, because he is a baby. But to HER he cries cute, and there is something so sweet and loving in that.
And I’m thinking about the Timbers again, losing to Ajax (visiting from Amsterdam and a MUCH better team) and the Timbers fans cheerfully singing “We’ve got better weed than you!”
I think about my beloved puppy, and the way he sits on the floor behind the passenger seat with his head up on that arm thing between the seats so he can stare at me the entire time I’m driving. Or the way he noses me when he wants something, or sits himself down in front of me when he wants to be scratched.
I think about how it feels to be in the woods, with tall trees all around, and the amazing loudness of the silence. Or how it feels to be at the ocean, watching the waves or playing in them. There is so much beauty that my heart melts again and again.
I finally managed to write a little bit about my experience walking the Camino today. Walking the Camino was unconditional love. First it was love to myself, just going. And then there were all these other people with their hard and their good and their mindfulness. Later there was the whole world and the realization that our love is our true strength.
Also clouds on sunny skies. Raspberries. And my little kitten friend.
I needed to hear this today. Thank you.
Ah the state of love.
It’s even in our peripheral vision.
I’ve been slowly resurfacing again after a ton of hard, hard, hard, hard.
But through it all, the love and energy of my senior dog (who is slowly going blind and suffering in her own right, poor pup) and the love of my delightful, sweetest laddie have kept me afloat through death and destruction and all sorts of drama.
I’ve also started reconnecting with my favorite friends in different loving ways. I hate the phone normally, but when it’s them? eh, it’s good 🙂
In general, though, for me love is so unique between everyone that I have a habit of forgetting until I experience it again. I should change that somehow. 🙂
Lately, I think of Maru, a Japanese cat with a webpage full of photos and videos so full of awesome that I am ridiculously in love with him. He likes squishing himself into too small boxes. It’s adorable and it cheers me up.
I love this post! One of my favorite subjects. It’s a great way to end a tough day, chat with loved ones and read about love-Thanks!
Hollyhocks! I dug out a row of grass along the edge of my yard and planted hollyhocks. They turned into a hollyhock fence and for a few weeks every summer there is a wall of hollyhock flowers in every colour, right outside my door. That is love.
oh, such beautiful words, Havi… thank you!!
“The best part of a person’s life are the little, unremembered acts of kindness and of love”. I have this quote by William Wordsworth on a little card that a woman gave to me years ago. I was at an osteopath’s were it was immensely difficult to get appointments because he was the best in town. This woman came in and was basically on all fours because of severe pain and the receptionist said there was no way they could fit her in on that day. I offered that she could take my appointment as I had nothing really urgent and left for work. When I then had my next appointment, the osteopath gave me this card from her. She wrote that I had saved her on that day even though I didn’t even know her. I had indeed almost forgotten about it and found it so heart-warming and touching to receive this gratitude. Ever since I have become much more aware of little acts of giving and receiving in day to day life and it fills me with love whenever these happen, no matter whether I am the one to give or to receive.
To me, unconditional love is knowing that there is nothing in the entire world the other person could do to stop me loving them.
Of course, there are things the other person could do to stop me calling, stop me being there, stop me being in their life but there is nothing that could stop my love for them.
Whatever happens.
x
Its all about suspending judgement isn’t it? You just observe and let people be as they are and the love just flows in. Thats why we can start with small children and animals. We don’t expect anything of them. My challenge to myself is to bring that lack of judgement to my dealings with my peers, with my bigger children…and with myself. Let the love flow. Thanks Havi
Putting on essential oils of rose or berry make me feel loving.. Not sure why though.
Watching The Lord of the Rings while my gentleman friend runs a commentary like “Look at MAH FAIC!” in a stupid voice for each character who’s meant to look scary.
Waking up in silence and knowing I can stay in bed for a while makes me feel loving toward everyone who is not being loud right now.
The first bite/sip of a favourite food. Savouring it and just feeling the love pouring out.
full-body happy —
totally.
thanks!
Hmm.yumyumyum.
my relationship with G called time last Sunday (on my birthday)
reminders of love go…
when i dance
music (which makes me want to dance)
silly faces (my own and others)
remembering the earth and placing my feet on the ground
the neverending sky when i remember to look up
my pain and the fact that we all feel it without exception
knowing that we all crave love without exception
sensing that there is love in the pain and disappointment
quiet long slow breathes that are so simple and at-peace-with-the-world
the trees – there they remain
walks by the river
the comfort of touch, of being held or the memory of it
seeing the beautiful spirit of people that i adore and sometimes those that i struggle with
the sweet comfort of knowing that all we can do is try our best
sensing the pain underneath anger or pushing those that we love away – i don’t know why exactly just yet – but it brings me back to the yearning to connect and to love & the fear of receiving love, the fear of not receiving love
i dont know if any of this makes sense to anyone else!
Havi, this is SO awesome. Thank you.
@Kat: Thanks for the shout out! *waves back* *boses*
Unconditional love is so a dog thing for me. Well, primarily it’s a God thing, but the dog thing is how I think about the God thing. If I really want to feel unconditionally loved by God, I think of God as a great big dog.
I’m really happy and touched to see how many people here think of animals when they think of unconditional love. And it’s interesting that as well as dogs there are several mentions of cats. Clearly not the haughty and self-serving beasts they’re stereotypically supposed to be.
Rain reminds me of unconditional love: the smell, the feel, the power, the softness, the cleansing.
I suddenly think that I need to move to the northwest.
loving the Ajax vs. Timbers inside joke 😉 !!