Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Let us doooo eeeet.
And let us say WAH. Because somehow I feel better whenever I say WAH.
Thing 1: more of this beautiful thing please!
Here’s what I want:
My writing has been such a place of comfort this past week. ELATION!
Now I am on my week of teaching-recovery-just-for-me time in New Mexico and I would love to remain in this state of flow … or to progress to the next state of whatever-it-is that is also pleasurable and good for my writing ….
Not sure how to phrase this one. Hmmm.
May the muses or the shining ones (or the magical properties of green chiles) keep smiling upon me. Something like that.
Ways this could work:
Who knows?
I’ve been trying to examine and analyze the components of what made this past week so outstanding.
Included in this are so many elements and components that came together to make the container for the writing retreat. Among them:
- being away from home and the familiar
- daily Shiva Nata with dedicated time and space for it
- daily Old Turkish Lady yoga with dedicated time and space for it
- daily teaching, which is always good for my brain and my heart
- designated writing time during which thirty other women in this sisterhood of writers were also scribbling away
- labyrinthing my stucknesses (taking them into the labyrinth and untangling-walking them out)
- hand-writing my pre-writing invocation before beginning
- deciding what questions to ask before sitting down to write
- only writing things that have to do with Very Interior Design — in this case, learning about my relationship to my stuff and not working on my actual writing project as a way to sneakily write the project.
It is impossible to know right now which of these — if any — are the vital ones. So I’m going to need lots of experimentation, and some luck.
My commitment.
To notice how I feel. What supports me and what doesn’t.
To pay attention whenever I make use of one or more of these components, and to take notes on what works and what doesn’t.
To ask my gentleman friend to help me with maintaining uninterrupted time for just writing. Well, to make a distinction that is clear to both of us about when I am writing and when I am doing work-related things and it is okay to approach.
Thing 2: Rally!
Here’s what I want:
Last week I had an ask about the Rally, and while I got lots of good thinking done related to it, I still haven’t done anything with it.
I’d like to find out what needs to happen in order for us to rally together. And maybe even take some steps.
Ways this could work:
Writing it love letters.
Interviewing myself about it.
Lots of Dance of Shiva. Outdoors, when possible.
My commitment.
To stay receptive and curious.
To not beat myself up over the fact that there has only been internal, not external movement on this yet.
Or: if I do feel frustrated with myself, to give that reaction the legitimacy to exist, even if I’d rather not be in it.
To be as playful and silly and ridiculous as possible in my approach to figuring out what this Rally thing needs.
Thing 3: rest
Here’s what I want:
Lots and lots of rest.
Body rest. Mental rest.
Turning not-doing into an extreme sport. Extreme not doing!
Ways this could work:
Napping.
Not napping, but closing my eyes.
Getting bath salts and hiding in the tub. Slow slow slow yoga.
Booking some sort of frou-frou spa body treatment where they slather goo all over you and then let you just stay there while the goo does its gooey good-for-you thing.
Yes, there will be much goo-slathering.
I could possibly go to see a film with my gentleman friend, if we can find something HSP-friendly.
Walking without purpose.
Breathing clean mountain air. I’m sure there are other things too, and I can’t think of any more. If you have loving deshouldified suggestions, I am happy to receive them in the comments.
My commitment.
To get over my phone phobia stuff long enough to book the slathering of goo. Gah. Why do not more places let you book online?
To find out more about this rest-thing and my relationship to it.
(Actually, I’ve already been writing to it and about it all week, so we are much better friends than we used to be, but to keep that up).
To remember.
Thing 4: Good things for Chris.
Here’s what I want:
Y’all probably know Chris Anthony aka @etherjammer, as he is a regular here and a commenter mouse and a delightful human being. Speaking of delight:
Delight is a big part of his thing and his message — specifically appreciating it, and planting seeds of it in your business to help your Right People fall madly in love with you.
He is doing a Delightineering thing! I don’t know anything about it yet, but I invited him to leave a description of it as part of his Very Personal Ad today.
My wish: may his new project receive the loving attention it deserves and may he feel safe and comfortable letting it be seen.
Ways this could work:
Actually, I’m kind of hoping that this will help. Other ways are good too.
My commitment.
To wish all sorts of good things for him, as I’m sure you will too.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to remember that my writing retreat isn’t for the writing. It’s for learning about my relationship to the writing.
That ended up being my focus for the week. I was always in it. And it worked nisim v’niflaot (miracles and wonders!), so I’m feeling extremely relieved and happy about that. What a perfect ask.
I wanted help maintaining my space while teaching, and that was also a huge focus of my week and my teaching (encouraging my lovely students to mess around with creative and kooky ways to maintain their space and feel comfortable there).
The funny thing is that I do not even slightly remember asking this last week, but that really ended up being the theme. So very glad that I did ask. Yay.
And I wanted something to happen with the Rally and it totally hasn’t, but I’m actually fine with that. And I sense that I know what direction I want to take with it. We’ll see. I’ll let you know next week.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me
Follow
Havi – I wish you rest and flow and Rally-ness!
Chris – I wish you all the best on your Delightineering!
Everyone – May all your personal adds get answered in just the ways you need.
What I want: For my Right People to find my upcoming No-Brainer Scenario class. And for that class to serve those people in just the ways they need.
Ways this could work: Listening to the soul of my class to make sure I’m giving it what it needs. I could be inspired to write a blog post that would help lead people to the class. Making sure I stay connected to myself. I don’t know – I’m open to being surprised.
My commitment: To take time everyday to connect to my soul and the soul of the class. To write the class love letters. To do daily Dance of Shiva. To ask for support when I need it.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … What Makes Decision-Making So Damn Hard =-.
Sweetpea Havi! It sounds like you have learned tons about your relationship to the writing, which is very uplifting for us all. Hooray for knowledge! It’s (almost) always good! (And the parts where it isn’t, it is, as well—I just haven’t gotten down with them yet.)
UPDATE! A stupendous week! A fantabulous week! Also, a week that required more recovery time than I realized—and for the record, booking flights that land after 9pm in L.A. is just a bad idea, to be avoided at all costs. But hoo, good flight out, and the flight back? I’ll bet if I’d Nei Kung-ed with a bit more gusto, it would have rocked, too.
THIS WEEK:
What I want: A smooth and beautiful transition to the new place, and lots of writing.
Ways this might work: A little plotting-out on Sunday and Monday. A little letting-go for the rest of it. Uh…I dunno? Or, I dunno and I’ll be okay with that?
My commitment: Nei Kung in the morning. Walking, daily. (Oh my GODS, the walking in Chicago helped so much!) Minimum of chemicals. Maximum of sleep.
.-= communicatrix´s last post … Frrrrriday Rrrrroundup! =-.
@Havi — Several of the things you’re asking for this week are ringing little bells inside me. Extreme rest! Yes! And I also want to make time to write about my own Very Interior Design. I’m going to add both of those ideas to my self-care this week.
@Chris — I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and I wish you success and delight in all your endeavors! (I may also be sending you an email this week. I have an offbeat idea of how I might ask for your help applying your enthusiasm and ingenuity to add some delight to my doctoral studies, so that I can infuse more actual fun into the process. Can we talk?)
Update on last week: I’m continuing to make gentle progress with my dissertation proposal, and that’s wonderful. And. My first draft is due this Friday at 9AM.
So-o-o-o…
My ask: I would like to complete a first draft of my dissertation proposal that I can send to the appropriate faculty this Friday at 9AM.
How this can happen: I can allow myself to enjoy the work. I can love myself even when I don’t enjoy it. I can ask for help. I can ask for more help. I can cut myself
somea whole lot of slack in other areas, at least for the next few days. I can also cut myself some slack on the proposal itself. This is a first draft. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t even have to be all that good. It just has to be.My commitment: Hmmm. I’m going to go with my first instinct: I will make time for rest, and take time for gently meandering journal writing on the subject of my own Very Interior Design. Self-care. Yes. I will remember that I need this, I deserve this, and it will make everything else easier. In fact, my mantra this week will be: What if it doesn’t have to be hard?
I’ll be reading everyone’s VPAs this week, and wishing everyone fair winds and clear sailing!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … The trouble with “middle vision” =-.
Oh my goodness!
Thank you Havi, and Victoria, and Kathleen, and everybody else. ♥
My Delightineering thing is Delightineering 101, which is an intensive introductory course to delight. Ultimately, I want to change the world by increasing the amount of joy here – there’s so much in the world that’s stressful and depressing and hard, and I want to counter that with things that are happy and good and that make you want to do little chair dances. But I spend an awful lot of time talking about the what, where, and who of delight, and I wanted to take some time and really discuss the why and how – and bring some people along so that they can become Delightineers too. 🙂 So Delightineering 101 is a week-long call-in course in mid-September that’ll be great for anyone who wants to make the world a happier place – and wants to take the current idea of “customer delight”, which seems to be a euphemism for “give customer service reps a different script that pretends – badly – to care about the customers for them”, and throw it out so that we can make a new model that’s actually built on delight and happiness.
If that sounds like your kind of thing, here’s the info page. Please feel free to check it out. 🙂
And Kathleen, we absolutely can talk. You can email me (chris@delightspecialist.com) or call me if you like (my number is 765-994-7081). Drop me a line and let’s chat. 🙂
I have to go back and see whether I left a VPA last week. It’s been that kind of week! …and I didn’t. I remember reading it, but I guess I forgot to VPA for myself. So update: it’s been that kind of week. 😉 Lots of stress and unbalance, lots of fear and panic and putting on a brave face because it’s the only thing you can do, and then suddenly something I asked for came to pass and it – well, it didn’t fix everything, but it gave me some breathing room, and that’s all I needed. To re-use a metaphor, I was swimming in very deep water, and felt like I was going under – and I could see the shore, in the brief moments when my eyes were above water – and I just needed a sandbar to stand on so that I could breathe and focus and make a plan. And just when I thought I was going under for the last time, the sandbar appeared, and now I can stand up a little and catch my breath.
So my VPA this week is simple: I have an opportunity, and I want to use it.
What I want: To catch my breath and make a plan to get to shore.
Ways this could work: This one’s all me, baby. I just need to remember that I’m not sinking anymore, and focus on remembering how to swim.
My commitment: Dance of Shiva every day. Time for and to myself. Plenty of sleep, and tea instead of coffee. Keep moving forward.
♥ to all. Seriously. Best thing to wake up to ever.
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Why delight is important to me =-.
@Havi – I stumbled on this while swearing at a website for being too slow and I think thes VPA are a great reminder to breath in and see things with a little less drama and more intention. thanks for the reminder!
@Chris – Yeah for you!!! Looks like people are catching onto the delight-bits you are leaving all over the web-world. Congrats!
And for me, well this is the first time I’m doing a VPA so we’ll see how it goes
What I want: Patience when the IT gods are against me (or so I think).
Ways this might work: When things don’t work, ask for help before it’s too late and learn to let go and distract myself with something else until a calmer energy returns.
My commitment: To take a walk when I get frustrated and impatient, even if it’s just around the apartment. To breathe in, and out. To knit a few rows of the never-ending scarf each day.
Well wishes for the perfect solution to everyone’s asks. 🙂
Last week’s ask for a smooth transition back into the world of schedules and school was answered with peaceful mornings and quiet evenings. We even won tickets to the fair and smoove continued with that, with us being able to hang Izzy’s show on Thursday evening so we could leave bright and early on Friday morning.
This week, what I want:
Balance between Very Interior Design and action. I tend to spend too much time on the thinking part of things and not enough on the acting part. I want to keep moving with the work while still allowing time to ponder and make those internal leaps.
How this can happen:
Consciously noticing when the juice has run out with the writing/journalling/reading of inspirational blogs and putting down the computer/notebook.
Finding a piece that I can play with that is for me, rather than for sale, that I can play with as a reward for doing the other work.
Keeping the notebook nearby so any epiphanies which pop up can be recorded and I know that I can come back to them when I’m not working.
Shiva Nata to open studio sessions and Shiva Nata when I feel overwhelm creeping in.
My commitment:
To love my monsters, to feel the fear and do it anyway.
.-= Andi´s last post … The Sketchbook Project =-.
I’ve not done a VPA for a while. It’s been hard to ask for what I need lately.
MY VPA
To get rid of this blasted cough
Ways this could work:
I could keep resting daily until I’m properly well
I could start taking vitamins again
I could cut out dairy and sugar
I could trust that my body will eventually fight this thing off
My commitment:
To ask one of my partners to buy me some liquid vitamin tonic, which I know has helped me in the past
To ask for help when I need it
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … Succeed Online- champion others =-.
best wishes to all for your vpas!
my asks this week are kind of dealing with something @andi said, about finding a balancing between pondering and Very Interior Design and action. you know, something about living out my life so that i can actually check in and see if any of the major changes and developments that i know are taking place on the INSIDE are being replicated at all on the outside.
ask #1:
organization and planning.
i have developed a major, major block in terms of any kind of planning or time-organization. major major. like compromising life enjoyment and contentment and self-esteem kind of major. and THAT indicates a monster in charge and a stuckness spiraling out of control. my ask is to not necessarily develop a system to cure that right now, but more to get some insight on this stuckness. when did it start, and why does it continue? what am i resisting? and what could be easier? you know, all those good fluent-selfy questions…
ways this could work:
it just could!
i could do shiva nata
i could do metaphor mouse!
my commitment:
to do shiva nata with this series of questions as my intention
to do EFT to help release and clear whatever needs to be released and cleared
to be patient
and loving–maybe to guarantee myself that i won’t treat a problem with personal organization as something akin to leprosy and chronic cruelty to animals…
ask #2: continuing my learning from this vacation back to real life
i have learned a tremendous amount this summer, mostly in accidental ways. but that learning has been really important in terms of demonstrating growth and pointing a way forward and reminding me of what i value and want to include in my life. (it was a fruitful summer for the Book of Me!)
traditionally, those are things that i abandon when vacation ends and “real life” begins. so my ask here is to find ways to bring all those things, all those qualities, into my daily life.
ways this could work:
i could type out a list of everything i’ve learned this summer, and keep it someplace as Life Reference Material. and, you know, look at it and try to practice something from that list.
it just could! perfectly and magically and simply! and maybe in ways even easier than i can imagine right now!
i could look for ways i am already practicing my learning and honor that. (why is it so easy sometimes to overlook or undervalue what is already being done?)
my commitment:
to write out a List of Values and Lessons and keep it close by.
to consciously practice one piece of learning a day. i was thinking about writing them out on pretty cards and then randomly picking one or two every few days as a way to keep some fun and spontaneity in the practice, so it doesn’t become some weird self-mastery/ punishment thing.
to continue to do all the things that have enabled such learning for me: EFT, shiva nata, and yoga.
and maybe most importantly: to remember and honor the fact that the Me who did all that learning? she never really goes on vacation. (or maybe she is actually sunning herself on a gorgeous beach all the time, and i can always invite myself along…)
Yay for exciting things happening!
Last week I asked for the days of Giant Test of Doom to go calmly. It sort of worked. The test itself gave me some panic moments, but the logistics went smoothly, so it could have been much worse. I also asked for recovery to be scrumptious. I did so many things that I’d missed, and slept some, and went for goo-slathering (Havi, I am so very with you on that and think that’s what I’ll call it now!), and so on and so forth. It was nice. I have a couple of things to remember for next time, but nothing major. And now I feel almost human!
Just in time to face the next three weeks, during which I deal with moving 1025 miles and getting started on a new year doing a Masters program. So here’s my VPA for just the next week.
What I want: Method.
Expounding: I have a lot of projects going on, most of them moving-related, and all of them seem equally important. For me this is a recipe for disaster, because I cannot multitask but will still try, and thereby will get next to nothing done. I want to channel my favorite Belgian detective and get some order and method around here!
Ways this could work: Convince myself that twenty minutes at the beginning of the day to plan it is not a waste of time. Convince myself that sticking to the plan is usually a good idea. Make a giant to-do list once and then split it up by day, so things seem more manageable (and I get less distracted). Use the clipboard. Come up with a more interesting name for the clipboard. Treat this as an exercise in plodding steadily rather than running at full speed.
My commitment: Breathe a lot. Be patient. If I find myself getting distracted and getting myself into a tizzy, take a five minute break to do absolutely nothing. Keep my surroundings tidy. Drink enough water and go to bed when I’m tired.
Happy Sunday and luck for everyone!
Raising a glass to lots of flow and rest throughout the week.
Chris – Lots of luck and good things for your delightineering!
Thing 1: Safety
What I want: Rest in safety.
I’ve picked up some nervous habits lately, yet see no obvious stressors. I scratched my skin in ym sleep and made myself bleed, for example (no itching to my knowledge). Pretty scary and out-of-control stuff.
I want to get to the bottom of it and hopefully cease, so my skin can heal. It sounds like something internal needs to heal too.
Ways this could work:
Playing calming music while I sleep?
Wearing socks and gloves – though it’s too hot at night really.
Meditation – checking in just before I sleep.
Erm.. Magic. Keep my fan on at night.
My commitment:
To meditate, look out for signals and be open to the cause. To try and converse with it.
Keep my fan on & meditate to calming music.
Thing 2: Courage/Calm
What I want: Visibility.
I’m almost ready to launch my sweet, little thing. It’s password protected and a few people have access to it. I’ve even got interest (hurrah!). However, i’m doubting and fears are getting in the way – even though I’m been spekaing to my monsters and making deals to help them feel safe.
I don’t know what else is stopping me, so I guess I wnat answers and the courage to take the steps into visibility.
Ways this could work:
Someone could just go “hey have you done x, y, z – then you’ll be perfectly ready”.
I could make a physical check-list.
It could dissolve itself?
I could find anothe rmonster and converse until it’s all fine?
My commitment:
To dance and meditate. To keep checking back and talking about it on my blog. To be kind.
Good luck to everyones VPAs – have a great week.
.-= Rose´s last post … Preparations for a Party- The Baby Shower =-.
VPA PS
What I want:
Empty water softener pellet bags, the plastic ones by Morton or other companies. Color isn’t really important, though I love the teal/aqua and yellow ones best. I has a big project idea and I need bags for it.
How this could happen:
I could post on my Facebook. I could tweet. I could email Morton and see if I could get them from there. I could ask here 🙂
My commitment:
To have the space ready to use them when they arrive. To email Morton and see if they can send me some. To be grateful. To be patient.
Thanks!
.-= Andi´s last post … The Sketchbook Project =-.
@Havi, I would say that several of your ideas here are your BEST EVER! Except that I think I always say that. And I worry that it’s making my own Ideas feel a bit jealous and competitive. Maybe I need to make multipe award ribbons so they can all have a BEST EVER award. Or maybe I can just go on with my absurd self.
@Chris! Delightineering! That definitely gets a BEST IDEA EVER! award.
So, Very Personal Ads. An Update! I put out a VPA last week, something about asking for Dear Exceptional Letters of Love to come into my life and remind me that I was about to be madly in love with my new thing. And guess what? THEY DID! It was kind of last minute, but I wrote out BY HAND! the most glorious 3 page love letter to my perfect circus-goers. It’s part of my business plan, now. And it’s going on the blog, too. It’s making me that happy!
Of course, last week I also asked that I do some Shiva Nata style flailing. But I forgot I asked that. So I’ll ask it again.
Dear Shiva Nata Style Flailing and Failing,
Though we barely know each other (having only briefly met a few times) I know that we are a perfect fit. We could be partners for life, you and I, growing old together, flailing in our silver years. But I need you to find me, my dearling. I need you to find me, and remind me, because I am a bit ditzy, and sometimes I forget that I am looking for you. So please… do this? Find me. Help me to remember. Help me to form a ritual and habit around you. Because I do want you, I do!
So please? Won’t you come find me this week? It could be the start of a beautiful relationship.
With Pleading Puppy Deer eyes,
Tori Deaux
P.S. Maybe on our first real date, you can help me write about you?
.-= Tori Deaux´s last post … Needful Things! The Yes-I’m-Still-Breathing Edition =-.
@Havi: Hmmmm, goo slathering. Sounds wonderful.
VPA away!
What I want:
There’s going to be even more construction this week and I’ve got new clients and there will be busy-ness (and business!) During this time I’d like to keep up my inertia and continue producing and not get bogged down by all the distractions.
Ways this could work:
I could magically find a pair of noise cancelling headphones. Or wear a funny hat that funtions like a pair of noise cancelling head phones.
I could get out of my apartment and go somewhere else when that is a possibility.
I could try to focus on projects or objectives that only need 20 to 30 minutes of concentration for each one.
My commitment:
To be patient and kind with myself, as this type of stuff has already been going on for two weeks and that’s a lot for anyone to handle.
To get out of here and do yoga when I can. Or close the door to my room and do some poses even if I can’t leave.
To work on centering and grounding and to notice how that progresses.
To write in the notebook I bought about the things I’m noticing and the thinks that are being thunk.
To ask for help when I need it. Even if that help is just acknowledgement for the hard.
Update on last week:
I asked for being more comfortable saying what I really thought in business situations. And it mostly worked. The conversation I needed to have was of course much easier than I had anticipated and me and said person will now be doing some yoga together! Literally, like taking a class (long story). And there was a lovely lunch. And I felt 300 hundred times better.
I’ve been away from the VPAs for a while, but wow, am I glad this ritual is here!
I’m loving seeing everyone’s lovely asks.
Thing 1: Wellness
What I Want
I’d like to feel energized and well and healthy, or at least -er than I have been lately. I’d like there to be enough wellness that I can do more than the dayjob and survival.
How This Could Happen
The inner work I’m doing could translate to the outer world. My body could spontaneously heal itself. I could finally figure out how to link to the energy of the world and fill myself up. I could have an energy shift. The possibilities are endless!
My Commitment
To get enough sleep. To eat well. To take the new vitamins and see what they do. To do inquiry. To meditate. To do yoga and shiva nata. To be gentle with myself and my body and my soul.
Thing 1: More Thing!
What I Want
I’ve got this inkling that there’s more Thing yet to be discovered — more passion, more calling, more vocation. So what I want is to find some crumbs on the path.
How This Could Happen
They could appear in morning pages. They might arrive after shiva nata. They might emerge from an exercise or from research. They might appear out of nowhere. So many ways they might come to me!
My Commitment
To sleep. To write in my journal. To do shiva nata. To ask myself, again and again. To listen. To take care of myself in the process, so the Thing feels safe coming to me.
.-= Julie´s last post … On Being Escape Artists =-.
Thank you all again. 🙂
Lindsay, much sympathy on the construction. My landlord is scheduled to have the shed in our back yard either torn down or rebuilt this week, so it’s going to be noisy here too.
A couple of years ago I found a way to construct incredibly cheap “noise-canceling” headphones by removing the speaker pads from a pair of standard headphones and attaching them inside a construction-grade hearing-protection headset. These days I suspect it would run around $30 – they were claiming $20 in the video, but that was three years ago. 🙂 Here’s the link to the video I remember: http://bit.ly/9dggOr
I hope that’s helpful. 🙂
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Why delight is important to me =-.
I’m so grateful for the focus I get from this ritual. Good wishes to all of the VPAs.
Update on last time: A plan happened almost right away – yay. I could use just a bit more infusion of flow and eager anticipation.
This week!
What I want:
My home to feel more spacious, lovely, comfortable. (To finish the unpacking and decorating that was going so well before life turned into this big game of whack-o-mole.) And of course by extension, life to feel more spacious, lovely, easy.
Ways it could happen:
I could be overtaken by some kind of whirling dervish straightening-up frenzy. I could approach it in tiny doses. I could make up some kind of game out of it. Maybe I could write it a love note. Something else?
My commitment:
To remember that five minutes here and there goes a long way, and that any little bit is better than none. To buy a fragrant candle to kick things off. To pull out photos and images of beautiful places to inspire me.
.-= Briana´s last post … Tara Swiger in the Green Room with yarn =-.
@Chris, been thinking of you all week and sending good thoughts your way. Unfortunately, my $$ probs mean paying rent late this month, but I think things will turn around for both of us soon. Good thoughts!
These VPA’s have changed my life, mostly because they’ve taught me how important it is to ask for what I want/need. It’s still a little uncomfortable, but it’s huge. I did get an answer on last week’s VPA about making things smoother between my little boy and I — I’m still working on carrying it out, but it’s slow going.
What I Want #1:
To write the hell out of my Finn book and close the contract.
How that could work:
I could write like it’s being outlawed in a month, Nano style.
I could be divinely inspired.
I could be okay with writing slower and trust that other money will come in so I don’t need to stress over the contract.
I could stay open to any sort of solution.
My commitment:
I commit to writing at least two scenes every day. Also, I commit to taking care of myself so I can write without burning out — healthy eating, daily walks, daily meditation.
What I Want #2:
To pay all our bills and have money for the September bills.
How that could work:
My clients could pay me for closed contracts.
I could sell a new writing project.
Hub could get a job.
I’m open to anything.
My commitment:
I will track our spending and be aware of what we’ve got and what we need on a weekly basis. (Spoke w/ my monsters re: this, and discovered a weird Victim fearbug that was covertly kicking up wreckage. Ugh.)
Thanks for giving me a safe space to put this, guys!
Extreme-Not-Doing! What a wonderful thing to be, not doing?
My Very Personal Ad #1:
Dear Universe – After a week of loving and healing and finding my voice at the retreat in Taos, I am returning to a workplace which is highly stressful to me. I would like to have this re-entry proceed at a gentle pace so that I don’t lose what I worked so hard to gain last week.
How this could happen – my boss may have borrowed some of the other staff in the building so that my to-do pile is not enormous, my boss will be understanding of my more deliberate pace the first couple of days while I get caught back up, or other options I’m not aware of just yet.
My commitment – remember the words of my friend who said to breathe and go slowly and that too fast a re-entry can give you the bends; drink enough water so I have to leave my desk for mini bathroom breaks; five minutes of Shivanata in the morning before I leave to reconnect with the energy from the retreat.
VPA #2
Since it is now August, my new blog will launch by the end of the month. I am still in the content building stage, but the website name has been selected!
What I want – Time to create the pages and posts to launch. Time to learn how to manipulate the new blog.
How this can happen – I can remember my Conditions of Enoughness from the retreat. I can ask my children to do parallel activities when I am writing, so we can spend time together but still get writing done. Being open to other options that the Universe provides.
Oof. . . extreme doing-nothing sounds somehow lovely and terrifying. I’ll need to have a very productive conversation with my guilt-monsters to make that fly smoothly.
What I want: That insight that will allow me to work around and through my perfectionism-monster instead of just saying “nuh-uh, you’re wrong!” ‘Cause I’ve got a lot of writing to do over the next month and I’m procrastinating all over the place!
How that could work: Lots of mindful poking-and-prodding at my issues around “it must be perfect” and “it’s never good enough” and “you’ll never live up to them” and all the related bogeymonsters. Mediated discussion and meditation on what I really mean by these and what they mean to me. Letting myself be weird and emotional and illogical if that’s what it takes.
My commitment to making it happen: Taking time every day to talk to my monsters and really listen to what they say. Paying attention to the physical manifestations of my stress and at least trying to short-circuit the total panic.
Thanks for all your blogs, Havi, they’ve given me a lot of useful tools! And thanks to all the commenters for giving me alternate examples of how to use them.
I hope everyone’s VPAs get beautiful solutions. 🙂
@Chris Your post rocked in socks. Many good wishes for your course and may your delighteneering be filled with bounty. Goodness, and I haven’t even been on the gin.
VPA 1: I want my first short story open mic night to go smoothly and be a experience I’m going to look back on fondly.
How this could work:
– Seeing as it is TOMORROW I could go and find out where it is, print out my story, email the organiser with the title, put the number of the woman who is meant to be going with me into my phone as soon as I finish this
– I can remember that even if some people can’t be there in person, they’re still hoping it goes well for me and that definitely counts
– I can trust that it will go well, and that if I didn’t know I was ready for it I (very literally) wouldn’t be stepping up
– practise the things I’ve learnt in Sovereignity Kindergarten
My commitment:
– to let myself feel what I feel without judgement – or if I can’t stop judgeing, not making it worse by getting mad at myself for judgeing myself (!!)
– to do those essential preparation bits now
– get up in time to do shivanata before I go to work
VPA 2: Allow myself time to rest and explore new things, before I’m back in the no-time studying and working routine
How this could work:
– I could have a word with the ‘this is a totally frivolous waste of time’ monster
– I could remember that having a nervous breakdown is *unlikely* to make me more productive
– I could work on giving myself permission to want to do things – or maybe even not needing to give myself permission
– I can have ‘playful curiosity’ as my mantra
My commitment:
– to really listen to what my mind, body and soul is telling me
– to remember that everyone needs a day off now and again, and that Rome wasn’t built in a day, etc, etc.
Chris: Good luck with the Delightineering!
Havi: What is it about phones, eh? I hate making calls too (also answering them). The evolution of automated systems that force me to speak (and, of course, repeat myself) when all I want to do is punch in menu numbers really irritate me.
Anyway, what I find helpful in appointment setting situations is thinking through what I’m going to say or may need to ask beforehand. If I had a lot of questions, I’d jot them down for reference so I wouldn’t forget any if I felt stressed out during the call. Then I drink some water, and make sure my voice is solid if I haven’t spoken in a long time. I don’t really think about the steps now, but they help me adopt my suave I-know-my-objective adult phone voice which in turn lowers my anxiety.
You might be phone phobic for an entirely different reason, but I thought I’d share my procedure in case it might be helpful.
.-= claire´s last post … Sketchbook- page 40 =-.
@Havi: I don’t like making calls either. I was just telling someone that when I am trying to find a new (something), if I come across something that looks good, but there is no way to book online and I actually have to use the phone, I tend to keep on looking.
@Chris: Good luck with the Delightineering! I loved your explanation of the class.
Last time, I asked to find the remaining sets of images for my card sets, as well as the descriptions for those sets. I am not quite there yet, but ideas are constantly popping into my head so I will be there soon.
What I want this week: I’d like to practice Shiva Nata at least Monday thru Friday. I have a ton of things circulating in my head (an almost-epiphany, ideas for my shop, another almost-epiphany ..) and they could all do with a bit of flailing and some actual writing-on-paper.
How this could work: I could sleep soundly and wake up earlier in the morning. I could pencil in some time on my calendar. I could write some questions in my journal and put it on my desk so that I am reminded.
My commitment: I will do the calendar and journal things today, and I will remind myself that I do not need to practice long, just to practice.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … ode to joy- volume 30 =-.
@Chris: Freaking genius! Thanks! 🙂
Love and best wishes for everyone’s VPAs!
I’ve been waiting all week for VPA-day to come around again so I could write this up XD
VPA #1
What I want: To pass the driver’s license test and get my Japanese driver’s license this week.
How this could work:
+ I could practice a little more before the test.
+ I could reassure myself that this test has nothing to do with me and everything to do with following the (extremely strict and absurd) rules laid out for it.
+ I could luck out and get one of the nice proctors on Wednesday.
My commitment:
+ To do some yoga and Shiva Nata before the test to calm my nerves and get into the right mindset.
+ To set aside time and resources to celebrate when I pass, because it totally merits a party.
Hey Havi,
My VPA:
To have a fantastic, heavenly final 2 weeks of my 7 week vacation in Asia, which has been, so far, often hellish.
How this could work:
+Stop roughing it so extremely, and pamper myself with decent hotels, better food, and local fun like scuba diving. Less walking in extreme heat.
+Morning meditation and yoga a must instead of a maybe.
+Give myself frequent time alone from my travel companions. Reflecting and resting..
+Stop trying to make this a “vacation” and accept that it has been a journey with many challenges, most of which have made me a kinder, more self-aware person.
+Going deeper into love.
Sweating in Bali,
Amy
.-= Amy Martin´s last post … The Problem With Thai Women =-.
@Chris: Love it!
Update: What I’ve received: good clarity on my own next steps
What I need: less life chaos
#1 My wee tiny baby things, are in my head. I’d like to take some notes and get them on paper. Then water them with some research and make a plan. (Aiii ye! Upon re-reading, I realize this is a big ‘want’ for the week. I promise to note baby steps and small progress.)
My commitment: to stay alert for germination, to take notes whenever, and to watch for opportunities to make progress.
#2 I continue to struggle with ‘broken cousin’ and related family stress. (Life-threatening issues continue.) I want to remain calm and centered (I’m framing this as helpful modeling for family members but I need to remember that I’m doing this for me.) I am wavering in my wish (and need) to remain unbiased toward an outcome. (Also, having a seriously hard time with discussions of how much insurance money they’re going to get. Ick!)
My commitment: Keep @Hiro’s Sovereignty Kindergarten classes on the ipod and listen to them. Lots of writing and yoga and walks with the dog.
#3 (Haven’t quite articulated this one yet): My current situation requires me to switch focus between activities. (Anyone remember the alt-tab in early versions of Windows?) I’m not good at this. It takes me moments to become centered and focused and calm and get back to work. (I’m getting better. Must be the practice.) For a while, I was fighting this new environment. I’m now resigned; I’d rather be ‘delighted’. So my VPA is to attain an attitude adjustment 😉
How this could work: I could talk with my monsters and rewrite the scripts. I could meditate/journal/yoga more. I could figure out some way to practice. It could just get better.
My Commitment: Stay alert.
Havi — it’s been so great hearing about your awesome week of love and epiphanies and sneaky writing!
Also, “delighteneering” is an awesome word.
What I want: a solution for my brother and sister-in-law to get out of a tough home situation (living with our parents) and find new jobs, with help from me and my husband when necessary.
How this could work: my SIL could get offered the job she interviewed for last week. She could find a different job. Or she and my brother could come to an agreement to move regardless of job success, and my husband and I could let them stay with us while they get on their feet. Or some as-yet-unimagined windfall could happen allowing them to move out in some other way.
My commitment: to be there to communicate with and support both of them, and let them know that they’re loved no matter what happens. To keep an open mind for different ways that this could work, and be ready to offer whatever kind of help is needed. To pray, meditate and dance for good news. To let everyone involved know that I’m ready to hear whatever they need to tell me — whether it’s a request for help, a perspective they need to share, or just venting.
Inspired by the Hopscotch Distillery class today!
What I want:
Not to always be thinking that what I’m doing NOW should ALREADY have been done. Peace, acceptance and optimism instead of the rushing and guilt.
How this could work:
-I could reframe this with woo, saying that if something is happening now, that’s when it was meant to happen. Things are happening in their own time.
-I could discover that somehow it doesn’t matter that much.
-I could define more clearly ahead of time when I want or expect things to be done.
—>I could write it down and check that it’s reasonable.
—>I could notice more often when I *do* do things when I planned. Maybe I could ritually acknowledge this.
-I could declare some kind of amnesty.
-Magic?
My commitment:
-To keep taking scientist notes on my work
-To give my wishful-thinking monster bubbles to play with when I’m trying to plan my time.
-To stay in touch with my body via mindfulness chimes and minisleeps.
Ack! I’m late to the party I’m afraid 🙁 But in need of a few things, so I hope you don’t mind my throwing in some asks 🙂
VPA #1; I’ve started a new Fun-Brewing Project, to fund my Inspirational Education. I’d like for this to be a smashing success, and not something that feels like a waste of time/energy/resources.
How this could work;
People who love beaded jewelry, and need a bit of Sovereignty in their lives, could discover my stuff and LOVE IT!
People who know said people could share the loving of it.
My Commitment;
To let people know, instead of hiding it away like my monsters want me to do. (http://www.etsy.com/shop/HeidiDobbs <- see, I shared!)
To breathe, and try to not be so tied into hopeful-expectations of what I want this thing to be.
To just enjoy the beading!
VPA #2; I am desperately in need of a feeling of it being ok to slow down.
There is so much going on right now, I’m afraid I’m losing focus. But I think I’m afraid to stop and breathe, for fear I’ll lose momentum.
How this could work;
I could give myself Permission to Slow Down
I could make time to just do nothing, for at least a tiny bit each week
I could reflect upon why I’m afraid to slow down, and see if there’s something there I need to learn
I could try to just be ok riding the wave
My commitment;
To journal
To breathe
To let my sweetheart pull me away from the computer
To not ignore my puppy when she reminds me I haven’t taken a break in hours
VPA #3; Smooth traveling to and from Lift Off.
I’m going to Portland soon for an amazing retreat… it’s going to be crazy busy, and I’m not going to have any time to rest between getting home and going back to work. So it would be nice if this could go as smoothly as possible.
How this could work;
It just could
I could remember to take breaks mid-travel, so that I’m not so exhausted when I get there, and then home
I could suddenly not need to return to work
My commitment;
To try to remember to take breaks
To journal like crazy
To nap LOTS when I get home
To love myself no matter what happens.
Eek. Tired, fried, I think it might be nap time… thanks for listening my fellow Havi-fans 🙂
.-= Heidi´s last post … Inspirational creativity & some Beaded fun-brewing =-.
I’m a writer.
I find it hard to write unless I have a very detailed plot.
But I have trouble writing said detailed plot the “right” way.
So:
I want…
To find out what I’m doing wrong with plotting and planning, and discover what I need to do right.
To plot with more ease and efficiency and with more fun.
To create scenes I love to write.
Ways this could work:
Maybe one of my writer friends link me something.
Maybe I stumble upon it.
Maybe my muse tells me when I IM him. (Yes. I IM my muse. You have no idea how much it helps. He has his own email address, Twitter and everything.) Or maybe something he says helps it click for me.
Or maybe I just get it.
Or any other way!
My Commitment:
I will continue pressing on with this story, and my stories, and keep my eyes and ears and mind open. I will do the best with it I can do without being insanely perfectionistic.
Thank you, Havi! <3
I’ve been hiding from the VPAs lately. Apparently, sometimes the act of asking is scary.
What I want: A peaceful, fun, rejuvenating visit to Seattle.
Ways this could work: I could spend time talking with my parents. I could incorporate movement into my time there. I could allow myself to just be with people, without much of an agenda planned out. I could let my worried, whirring mind pause for a few days.
My commitment: To act mindfully. To let go of self-improvement and forward movement for the vacation. To journal, do yoga, walk, and practice Dance of Shiva.
Other thing I want: Clarity about whether I need to be in the Northwest
Ways this could work: I could have a feeling about it while I’m there. It could become clear. I could just know.
My commitment: To let go of rational arguments. To just be there. To cultivate trust that it will all work out.
.-= Kylie´s last post … things i love on a thursday =-.
Very late this week, but…
VPA #1: Seeking a feeling of trust, self-belief, and calm, that I will be able to handle all that needs to be done in the next couple of weeks. (They’re busy. Really busy. And with some really important things and a lot of responsibility.)
How this might work:
– Journalling could help.
– Working with some slightly different time-management things could be of assistance. (I’ve been playing around with such things of late, and am really appreciating my increased ability to *try things out* playfully and in a relaxed way — thank you, Havi!.)
– Some things might be easier than they seem.
– I could get some reassurance from some of the folk I’m working with.
– I could get some reassurance/cheerleading from other folk I’m close to.
– It might turn out that I don’t need to do *all* the things that I think are on the list right now; that some of them can be delayed without a problem.
My commitment:
– Return to my Shiva Nata & morning pages practice, which has been falling behind in the current stress (which doesn’t help!).
– Ask myself if I can be comfortable with asking for reassurance.
– Keep playing with my time management and my own productivity rhythms.
– Cheerlead myself when I get things done!
VPA #2: I’m in the middle of generating a new project, which is very much still at the ‘sweet little thing’ stage. I’d like both more clarity about what exactly I’m doing with it (I’m still a little flappy about it right now); and more confidence about sharing it with other people.
How this might work:
– Getting clearer on what I’m actually and exactly doing might increase my confidence in it.
– Working through some of Naomi’s Summer Camp stuff could help me focus my mind.
– If I have time in the next couple of weeks to do some Shiva Nata/journalling on *that* rather than on the VPA#1 stuff, that could also be helpful in working out where I’m going.
– Something could happen that makes a big pointy sign to where (in the metaphorical sense) I’m going to be happiest working!
– I could remind myself that this isn’t the *final decision ever in my life ever* and that I can just make a call and change it / do something different at a later stage 🙂
– I could get a bit more trust in my ability to evolve by doing, rather than insist on planning everything in advance.
My commitment:
– Relax.
– Not expect too much of myself in the next fortnight (see above).
– But also to keep thinking about it in the next fortnight.
– Try things out. Play a little. Visualise myself and my new-thing working in different ways.
– Think about how the new-thing fits in with everything else I’m doing; and also how it *doesn’t* fit in i.e. how some parts of me might be satisfied with other things that I’m doing, so the new-thing doesn’t have to fulfil *everything* I want to do *ever* in the whole wide world.
– Try out talking to those monsters a bit (the ones that say it’ll all be rubbish anyway, for example).
.-= Juliet´s last post … Planting salad leaves in late summer =-.
Here’s what I want:
single literary girl (24) seeks single (or not) guys (or girls, or people) with same or different interests for hanging out. those who have difficulties with or around “consent” need not apply.
also
a small manual typewriter. because those are SO cool.
Ways this could work:
a) post an add. or work on being conscious. and enjoy the people i’ve already got (lots :)).
b) ebay??? I don’t know where to start. I don’t even know how thread a typewriter.
My commitment.
work on mental add as a way of being conscious. also just try to be.