very personal adsPersonal ads! They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.

Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.

Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.

And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!

Let’s do it.

Thing 1: Rest and recovery.

Here’s what I want:

This week of mad retreating with the fabulous Barbara Sher has been all kinds of amazing. And also completely exhausting.

I need some sleep-catching-up time. And a long bath or two.

And whatever else will help me ease back into my regular routine with fewer aches and pains, whether physical, mental or emotional.

Ways this could work:

I can try to remember that resting is investing in myself and my business, because a clear head is the best thing I can give myself.

I can give myself permission to grumble, throw things and generally fall apart when I need to.

Oh, and I can learn from stupid past experiences, and remember how important it is to treat recovery time like it’s a superstar.

People can remind me in non-annoying ways.

My commitment.

To remember that recovery is pretty much always crappy and miserable, so this isn’t a sign that my world is falling apart. It just is what it is.

To notice how much support I have (a lot).

To ask my gentleman friend to be the Voice of Reason for me when I get overwhelmed.

Thing 2: A resolution to a problem.

Here’s what I want:

I have a couple uncomfortable conversations coming up.

Right now I’m too upset to do the talking. Too upset to NVC-it, other than with myself. Too much hurt.

I need a way to stay in sovereignty, and still resolve things.

Here’s how this could work:

A mediator.

An understanding.

Magic. I don’t know.

My commitment.

I’m going to cry a lot, so I’m going to try to give myself permission to cry a lot.

I will try to be fair.

And to ask for help.

Thing 3: Right People for the Kitchen.

Here’s what I want:

My kind of people for the 2010 run of my fabulous Kitchen Table program.

A big chunk of the 2009 people are signing up for another year, so we won’t have a gazillion openings, but there will be some.

And I want my Right People in there. I don’t want to have to actually promote this thing, because I don’t do stuff like that. So they need to just show up.

Ways this could work.

The waiting list of people who want to be notified is already pretty substantial, but maybe there are people who have been thinking about getting on the waiting list.

And they could remember that this is it. This is the thing.

And they can get all excited about the idea of spending a year getting support, help, biggification and encouragement from me, Selma and some of the brightest, kookiest people ever.

And then they apply to get in. And we all jump around.

My commitment.

To remind myself that the people I get in my programs are always refreshingly great, and they’re my Right People and I adore them.

And that this new year of the Kitchen is going to be just as life-changingly fantastic as 2009. Probably even better.

To keep having fun.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Last week I wrote a love letter to the Kitchen Table. It wasn’t an ask. It was just a love letter. And writing it was really helpful for me.

I’m so glad I did that. It just gave me all kinds of clarity.

The other part was about getting help staying grounded while on this retreat thing.

And that was hard. But I also had help.

Amna was there, and she was a lifesaver. I did yoga every day. I got through the hard parts. It wasn’t always smooth, but I was working on it.

The next time I have an ask related to surviving something, I think I’m going to play around with how I ask it. Maybe it needs to be more about support and less about surviving. We’ll see.

Comments. Since I’m already asking …

I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂

Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):

  • Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

What I would rather not have:

  • Reality theories.
  • Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
  • To be judged or psychoanalyzed.

My commitment.

I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I commit to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and to interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible.

Thanks for doing this with me!

The Fluent Self