Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do it.
Thing 1: Rest and recovery.
Here’s what I want:
This week of mad retreating with the fabulous Barbara Sher has been all kinds of amazing. And also completely exhausting.
I need some sleep-catching-up time. And a long bath or two.
And whatever else will help me ease back into my regular routine with fewer aches and pains, whether physical, mental or emotional.
Ways this could work:
I can try to remember that resting is investing in myself and my business, because a clear head is the best thing I can give myself.
I can give myself permission to grumble, throw things and generally fall apart when I need to.
Oh, and I can learn from stupid past experiences, and remember how important it is to treat recovery time like it’s a superstar.
People can remind me in non-annoying ways.
My commitment.
To remember that recovery is pretty much always crappy and miserable, so this isn’t a sign that my world is falling apart. It just is what it is.
To notice how much support I have (a lot).
To ask my gentleman friend to be the Voice of Reason for me when I get overwhelmed.
Thing 2: A resolution to a problem.
Here’s what I want:
I have a couple uncomfortable conversations coming up.
Right now I’m too upset to do the talking. Too upset to NVC-it, other than with myself. Too much hurt.
I need a way to stay in sovereignty, and still resolve things.
Here’s how this could work:
A mediator.
An understanding.
Magic. I don’t know.
My commitment.
I’m going to cry a lot, so I’m going to try to give myself permission to cry a lot.
I will try to be fair.
And to ask for help.
Thing 3: Right People for the Kitchen.
Here’s what I want:
My kind of people for the 2010 run of my fabulous Kitchen Table program.
A big chunk of the 2009 people are signing up for another year, so we won’t have a gazillion openings, but there will be some.
And I want my Right People in there. I don’t want to have to actually promote this thing, because I don’t do stuff like that. So they need to just show up.
Ways this could work.
The waiting list of people who want to be notified is already pretty substantial, but maybe there are people who have been thinking about getting on the waiting list.
And they could remember that this is it. This is the thing.
And they can get all excited about the idea of spending a year getting support, help, biggification and encouragement from me, Selma and some of the brightest, kookiest people ever.
And then they apply to get in. And we all jump around.
My commitment.
To remind myself that the people I get in my programs are always refreshingly great, and they’re my Right People and I adore them.
And that this new year of the Kitchen is going to be just as life-changingly fantastic as 2009. Probably even better.
To keep having fun.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Last week I wrote a love letter to the Kitchen Table. It wasn’t an ask. It was just a love letter. And writing it was really helpful for me.
I’m so glad I did that. It just gave me all kinds of clarity.
The other part was about getting help staying grounded while on this retreat thing.
And that was hard. But I also had help.
Amna was there, and she was a lifesaver. I did yoga every day. I got through the hard parts. It wasn’t always smooth, but I was working on it.
The next time I have an ask related to surviving something, I think I’m going to play around with how I ask it. Maybe it needs to be more about support and less about surviving. We’ll see.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I commit to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and to interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible.
Thanks for doing this with me!
This is my VPA for blog/website design/building clarity/information. Wow – could that be any more provisional? Here’s what I’m actually asking for:
Guidance and clarity on the next steps for my blog/website design. Information – some external, and some internal. The external info is about what things cost, and how precisely I need to know about what I want before I begin. The internal is about figuring out what I have to have right at the beginning, content-wise, versus what I can defer until later. I’d like to have the same comfort with all this procedural stuff as I already have with my aesthetic preferences.
This could come in the form of getting responses to requests for information that I’ve sent people in the last few days. It could also look like more messages from my subconscious about my budget, and a more settled opinion of what my needs are at the moment. Also: the courage to just talk to some people I might like to work with, without knowing all the questions and answers beforehand.
Or, it could happen by magic and happenstance (let me not discount the faeries’ efforts on my behalf).
I commit to participate in the process, and to trust the skill and the knowledge of the people I work with. And to appreciate the awesome service they provide.
.-= Amna´s last post … Germinational: @SquarePegKaren Thanks! This was my special way of saying that most of the time I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry. 😉 =-.
This week I am asking for the courage to ask. Because sometimes it feels like all my asks are too much, overwhelming, even, and so I ask for small (safe) instead of asking for big (scary! what if I actually get it?) .
I also have an immediate ask, and that is that this Friday’s photo shoot goes well. That the photographer is magic and makes me look as good as I feel 😉 And that I can accept the outcome and not get all judgy on myself if the pictures don’t match reality.
My commitment for that one is to relax, and not overthink the merchandising of the studio, nor my outfit. I do have a hair cut scheduled for Wednesday, and I needed to do a promo photo for my paying book project, so maybe this can be two birds in one stone. 🙂
.-= Andi´s last post … Painting, A Love Story =-.
Oh! forgot to say that I hug you and wish you a quick-quick-quick return to your routines.
“Surviving” reminds me of the joke about the boxer who wins the fight but is beat up: “you should have seen the other guy!”
Havi, sending you loving wishes for a soft landing and gentle recovery this week. I’m so sorry about the hurt. May you have all the support you need to be safely held in love and connection as you have those conversations. And may next year’s Kitchen Table be even more amazing and wonderful.
My VPA’s this week:
Clarity, wisdom, healing and support to help me through a vulnerable time right now.
My commitment: To stay open, to ask for what I need, and to receive with deep gratitude. To stay true to my process and give it the time and attention it needs.
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Whose Chakra Is It Anyway? =-.
Last week I asked for a clean office, maybe even a visit from the magic office cleaning fairy.
The one action I decided on, was to complain about my messy office on Twitter — repeatedly.
On Monday, I got an email from the virtual office fairy! I had to email her pictures (O! the horrors). She then gave me a magic wand in the form of first small steps and has committed to sending me more each week.
And the magic has begun. I’ve got one small corner sorted, got through 1/2 pile of filing, and most importantly I’m past that feeling of overwhelm.
I’ve discovered that suffering in silence ensures you suffer longer. I am loving complaining because it starts moving me through the suffering into something new.
I am also loving asking for stuff!
For this week:
I have the opportunity to move my thing forward this week, but I need all the stars to align correctly and good resonance with all the right people.
So, I’m asking for exactly that–the right resonance with the right people, so that hoops can be jumped through, boxes checked off and that these right people will feel safe taking this big chance with me.
I want to be able to make it a no-brainer for them.
How this could come to me: Magic? A champion? My own knowledge that this thing will work if given a chance to exist in the world could immunize them against doubt and fear.
My committment: to meditate, visualize, and be willing to be seen and heard.
I would also love, love, love if Havi and this wonderful group of people here reading this could picture for 10 seconds an open path for me and my thing.
Much love to you all,
Christina
.-= Christina´s last post … The Magic of Showing Up =-.
Havi, hope your recovery makes you even more refreshed than before and strong. Though, throwing stuff about sounds suspiciously like fun. Especially if there are waterballoons involved.
My VPA’s:
– To find a community of like-minded people, crazy creative people like myself who may dance, art, sing, tell tall tales and juggle, to act as friends and mentors, helping to lift each other up and plan and perform wonderful group projects, especially some that benefits the community. Would be nice if we all live in the same proximity or house (as long as there is a room I can retreat to and recharge away from people!), but at this point it isn’t essential. My commitment is that I don’t go crazy looking for these people, but just send a response out and see what happens.
– I want to keep up the momentum of my thing and work through the thinking that I will still be just as trapped as before. Hmm, I guess I could try and find some like-minded people doing their thing online who are having fun the way I define it. And work on my definition of freedom. My commitment is to not let this stall me from doing the thing, but let it guide me in the right direction.
– I am seeing my own gentleman friend this weekend. There maybe some tough conversations ahead. I want a way to feel some and have my own voice heard. Not sure how to do this- maybe find a little space where I can meditate and work on articulating what I want in my head in a calm manner. My commitment is to not freak out. Too much. Because past experience says freaking out = voice not being heard.
Havi, I utterly 1 million percent support you on sleeping, long hot baths (with lavender and other yummy scents for the soul,) falling apart (kisses), crying (BIG hugs) and everything else you need / want for recovery and vitality. And yes, it’s an investment in keeping your biz going. But, better than that, its a way to love yourself. Something you more than deserve, and not because of all you give (even though you do.)
One of my favorite Buddha quotes “You yourself, as much as anybody in the universe, deserve your love and affection.”
My ask: Feeling all sorts of biggification coming together. Really, REALLY need to direct it in a way that allows me to sustain it and grown instead of crash and burn. O brain injury, source of so much good and so much hard…
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last post … Tender Edges of Your Heart =-.
“To remember that recovery is pretty much always crappy and miserable, so this isn’t a sign that my world is falling apart. It just is what it is.”
Oh my goodness, do I ever relate to that. Whenever I’m trying to recover, I *always* forget that it feels crappy, and I spin off into freaking out that I’ll never actually recover.
Wishing you a quick (and especially comfortable) recovery!
My ask this week:
Clarity. I’ve got lots of ideas floating around in my head, but I want to get them out into the world. To do that, I need them to somehow arrange themselves into posts or outlines that will be coherent. But most importantly, they need to be useful and helpful to my Right People.
How this could happen:
Really not sure. Maybe some stuff could just fall into place. Or maybe I’ll have a conversation with someone or read something that will help dissolve the confusion.
My commitment:
To try to give myself permission to be uncertain. To keep doing Dance of Shiva, and grounding/centering before sitting down to write. To give myself permission to ask for – and receive – support in this process.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Reinvention =-.
Havi, sending you good energy for the recovery. Recovery! It’s a Good Thing.
Here’s my VPA for the week:
Having just come down with mono (mono! I know!) I want to be able to gently use this time of enforced rest to practice giving myself what I need while not beating myself up for what I’m not getting done.
Also? I’d like some insight please into these ongoing health problems.
How this could all happen: I could work on being really present so I can attend to my needs as they arise. My loved ones can gently and non-annoyingly remind me and help me. I could set some small and simple self-care goals every day. Magic could happen and shift my relationship to my health and to my self. My coaching session this week could open up understanding.
Thanks for this!
Julie
.-= Julie´s last post … What should you do? =-.
Man, I love sleep. Wishing you a smooth recovery, Havi.
Last week I asked to find a way to participate in high octane conversations without raising my voice. This is an ongoing process, but the most useful thing I did last week was describe what I was trying to do to a couple people. It shifted the energy of the 3 of us enough to make it more possible for me to engage without getting caught up in frenzy. (Not that that still doesn’t happen on occasion.)
This week, I want to keep my focus and drive, to keep moving forward with tangible steps, to get as much ready in advance of the next phase of putting my photography out there as I can.
I imagine lists will be involved. Also maintaining and building on my confidence in what I’m doing.
I will focus on action even if I have doubts. I’ll remind myself or be reminded that my thing is worth trying.
.-= claire´s last post … Dance Dance Revolution: The Journey =-.
Here’s to a very smooth recovery for you, Havi! Both from the wonderful-hard of the retreat, and from the hard thing you have yet to resolve. And of course good luck finding your Kitchen Table-ers! I’m still wembling about putting myself in for the waiting list, which probably means I’m not ready yet. Sigh.
Update on Previous Ads: The Antemortem site got its baby launch on Friday the 13th, which I felt was very appropriate. I’m still feeling a bit of ick creeping in, but it hasn’t manifested into any actual illness, so I suspect it’s just allergies. I’m behind on everything that isn’t Antemortem, but accept that I only had energy for that this week, really.
Thing 1
What I Want: More confidence. Less stuckness. Moving forward on the inside as well as the outside.
How This Could Work: I have no idea, really. I’m willing to accept what comes my way on this one.
My Commitment: To listen to the good words both internal and external, and try to remember that the bad-internal-talking is just my Stuff.
Thing 2
What I Want: To sell art. For the time and money I’ve invested into the new site and trying to biggify my art to show some return. For someone to find something they love and want and take it home.
How This Could Work: Someone could buy something off my Etsy shop. Someone could buy something from the Antemortem site. Someone could commission a painting. Someone could come over and see art on my walls and want to take it home. Some other way I can’t think of.
My Commitment: To keep working at building the sites and writing the stories and putting things out there. To let the sales process take the time it takes. To consider any advice I’m given on helping out with this.
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Antemortem Arts is ALIVE! =-.
Here’s what I want:
To accept that I am not ready for a school exam and relax about it, I still have two more weeks to re-take the test. I want to find the path in my brain where all of what I studied is hiding.
I also want to feel peaceful, I am doing my best, I am studying, have not missed a single day of school (there were days I’d go crying but I always went!). I need to find peace in knowing that I am doing the best I can.
My commitment.
Is to accept the end result that will come from succeeding or failing the exam. I also want to show my kids that life is a road filled with bumps but that we always try to go beyond no matter what. At least, that’s what I’d like to teach them. 😉
In the past, I would have dropped out as soon as it got tough and blame myself for not succeeding. I started the Dance of Shiva and kept on going to school even on the toughest of days. Perseverance is something new for me, I am proud of that but I still am deathly afraid of failing, need to work on that now. 😉
sending you good recovery vibes, virtual esential oils, a cat to curl up next to you, an absorbing but enjoyable book, soothing music and a fire to curl up in front of.
I want to feel less tired.
Find a way of being productive which is not about damaging myself.
Believe in my projects !
I bring renewed tenderness as I remember that dashing forth in a hurry is not always the quickest route to a place.
.-= creativevoyage´s last post … Knitting and tea =-.
Here’s what I want right now. I want a matchmaker for my business. Or matchmakers – more than one is fine.
See, I love working with my right people. But I don’t love going out and finding them. So I would love a person or people who can match us up.
I have no clue how this can happen, but that’s ok, cos the universe knows everything. Perhaps there’s some kind of matchmaking agency for web designers and clients out there that I’m not aware of. Not your Elances or your Gurus – those don’t do good things at all, and besides, in those places the clients and the designers still have to do the running. No, I want someone who can pair us up, someone who can meet someone who needs a website and go, ‘You know what, I know someone who would be perfect for you,’ and then maybe tell them a bit about me so they can see if they want to pursue it. They might be working with lots of web designers. That would be fine, because the more web designers they know, the better able they are to match people with their right people. And this is really important to me, because I’ve had some recommendations that really weren’t right for me or for the client, and that’s not what we want. We want a win-win.
So, I don’t know the hows and the whats, but, want we want is:
-happy client, who gets a website they love and a web designer they enjoy working with
-happy web designer, who gets a client she enjoys working with, and gets to spend her time doing what she likes and is good at instead of looking for people to work with
-happy matchmaker, who gets, perhaps, a share of the fee
So, dear universe, if you could put me in touch with a matchmaker, or show me how to find or create one, I would love it. And for my part, I promise to:
-keep my eyes and ears peeled for your nudges and suggestions, and try to grab the opportunities you send me
-keep working on myself so I can have better and better and happier and happier relationships with my right people
-keep working on my business, learning what I like, what I do, who my right people are, and adjusting my services and marketing stuff accordingly, to increase the chances of my right people saying yes.
Thank you!
I always love reading these things!
The first thing I want:
So I decided to not quit my PhD programme (since I’ve already worked there for 2 years and should finish in 2 more!), even though I pretty much realise I’ll have to do everything myself and won’t get the supervision I need even when I ask for it. However, deciding to stay, even though I found a way to stay true to myself in the process, does not suddenly fix my problems. What I want is: the peace to figure out how to do this MY way, without letting others’ expectations get in the way. And additionally, I want an idea that will allow me to put my 2 remaining years to good use.
How this could work:
I could remember to take all the time I need at work to get relaxed.
I could feel better about implementing my ‘get my brain to work at optimum capacity’ techniques, even though that may feel as ‘wasting time’ to a part of me.
I could find a friend or colleague or online buddy to work on these things together with.
I could block out some time at work each day to specifically work on my stuff.
My commitment:
I’ve committed to using my 2 years to become the best scientist I can be, even though my other commitment of wanting to be paid (enough, even if it’s not much) for my work may require me to leave before I actually get my title. And I commit to working on this in the most gentle, stress-reducing and confidence-promoting way I can.
The second thing I want:
I may not be getting out of my job any time soon, but I do not want to pause the rest of my interests for that time!
I want to become better at making time for myself, to write and paint and draw and sing. I want to spend my 40 hours at work and be productive in that time, and then go home and do fun things and build my skills and be creative. This still allows me to take some work home, but only if I’m enthusiastic about it. 🙂 And I want opportunities to use these talents for the benefit of other people, because that’s good for them ánd good for me because I honour commitments to others more easily than to myself.
How this could work:
I could go to work early every day, excepting those days where I exercise in the morning. And hopefully, if I log my hours I can get myself to leave on time. If that doesn’t work, or as an alternative, I could do something small/creative in the morning and thén go to work, staying a little later.
I could harness my mastermind group to stay on me to do these things more (in a gentle way, of course).
I could find someone to be creative with.
I could find someone who loves the things I make and asks me to make something for him or her.
My commitment:
I will do something creative every day, even if it’s only journalling.
I will make a little (or big) list of things I’d love to make or do, to keep not as a reminder of how much I need to do but as an inspiration. And I will not hit myself over the head if something on that list loses its appeal; I will just let it go gently.
Havi, your commitment to self-care continues to inspire me. Hope you find the healing you’re asking for- I don’t even wonder- I’m sure you will. This is my first-time VPA.
My ask:
I want to find an end to the (admissions season induced) anxiety I feel about being uncertain of my academic and professional future. Specifically, I want to either a) figure out a way to combine my different-brain-hemisphere loves of poetry, performance, healing, theory, leadership, intuition, counseling, teaching, and activism…. whew! or b)Rest comfortably and excitedly in the changing waves of my thinking and experiencing re: my future plans.
What this could look like:
I could find a dream graduate program that somehow incorporates all those loves.
I could find a dream job that brings them all together that I’m somehow already qualified for.
I could continue to patch together work that feels right for all those different quadrants- but do it in a sustainable, self-valuing, biggifying way.
I could allow one or two of those loves to gather momentum and announce themselves as most important- and take the risk of prioritizing based on that (soul) info.
I’m committed to:
appreciating resources given to me
following interesting leads
protecting myself from known, habitual distractions
reducing my anxiety in the ways I already know how
listening to my imagination
recognizing when I’m just being escapist/unrealistic
recognizing when I’m hiding from what I want or know
valuing all the work I’ve already done toward this goal
Thanks for the space to put these wishes in motion! Good luck to everyone.
Hooray. Personal Ads! Love the VPAs.
@Maartje – yay!
@amy – man, you’re like the Very Personal Ad superstar. I need to do a case study of you or something. Zoom.
@Mahala – kiss!
I adore you guys, all of you. So much fun to read your personal ads. Thanks for all the well-wishing. Totally appreciated.
Wishing you a recovery that’s as good as can be – hopefully, that’s going to be better than the last times.
No ad this week, didn’t have much time and space for myself this past week, so I have nothing in mind. Just a quick update on last week’s ad: nothing happened as I’d have liked to. I didn’t work on my thing at all, didn’t get to do yoga, did some Shiva Nata but not as often as I’d have liked (though when I did, I made sure to make it *really* hard!), didn’t work on further destuckifying the loosened bit of stuck, *but*… I had written “I could try and keep myself as centered and grounded as I can so that stuff that would normally disturb me doesn’t affect me quite as much”, and that worked quite well! I’m pretty sure it worked because I wrote it down in my ad, and that has made a huge difference in how I could get through such a week. Yay!
.-= Josiane´s last post … Noticing – the dragonfly edition =-.
No ad from me this time, just an update on last week: my voice was strong enough this weekend to sing (and enjoy!) two performances of the Mozart Requiem. Tonight, I’m the good kind of tired!
.-= spiralsongkat´s last post … We can’t do it all…or can we? =-.
Havi, I wish you all the space and sleep and ease and comfort you need to recover.
Update on previous ask:
I asked for my throat to please not hurt, and to get better. As it turns out, I got much worse. But when I eventually realized that what I needed was rest, and I actually rested, I did finally get better – two weeks later, but the lesson was learned.
I think I mostly have the same request as @Andi, for the courage to ask. I have lots of little asks, but I have ones that are not so little – and I am afraid to ask them, even in my head quietly.
I would, however, like a new About Me page. I would love if the words came easily, and for it to feel right.
How this could work:
The glimmers of ideas in my head could turn into actual phrases and sentences that I could put on paper. I could meditate or do Shiva Nata and the words could come flowing out. They could even come in the shower or on a walk.
My commitment:
To be patient, to write down any thoughts that come into my head, and to be kind to myself during the process.
.-= Elizabeth Halt´s last post … to write love on her arms day =-.
Havi : ‘resting is investing in myself and my business, because a clear head is the best thing I can give myself.’
This. This is reason enough for loving you and your work.
@Kate – a MATCHMAKER. Wow. TOTALLY the right word. Wowwowwow.
My first VPA (I know!)
Please:
~ The follow-through-ness to write a couple or three hours a day for the next few weeks, so I can produce content for my new blogs/ebooks. Very excited to finally have the space to WRITE. Yay.
~ The ability to soften to S as he changes to be more how I’ve always wanted him to be.
~ To open and soften to my resistance to that opening…
Thanks for the community, guys.
.-= Andrew Lightheart @alightheart´s last post … Handling your feelings, their feelings, your feelings about their feelings =-.
Havi:
Wishing you rest. . . . luxuriuos, restful, restorative rest. And all the right people that you want for your Kitchen Table too. As well as so much compassion for your willingness to face whatever is hard that is asking for your attention.
My ask
A very patient, willing person to help me complete my work and get it up for sale – including someone familiar with how to code worksheets who actually responds to emails quickly, knows what I’m talking about and really wants to work with me
My commitment
I’ll share everything I’ve got including being as articulate as I possibly can be about my needs.
How It Could Come To Me
Someone could respond here by emailing me at char@the-first-step.com
Someone could call me out of the clear blue sky
Someone on the KT
Someone could refer someone to me
Out of the clear blue sky someone could show up at my doorstep
.-= Char´s last post … Be Kind 2 Mind: Glenn Close goes to Bat for Her Sis =-.
@Andrew – thank you! Yeah, I guess it is – cos it’s all about the being in love. Introducing people who are going to have a passionate love affair!
My ask
For me to feel less vulnerable, foolish and judgemental of myself for having shared too much online and not respected the boundaries of this space! For me to practise compassion to myself, to feel less guilt, more kindness and understanding.
For some really nourishing, light work which will pay all my bills and give me the security I crave to come into my life this week.
To keep tapping into my creative flow and to start developing a tasty action plan to do the thing I wanna do.
My commitment
To work on my stuff. To remind myself to be compassionate to myself at all times. To ask for what I need. To be brave and gentle with myself at the same time.
How these things could come to me
I don’t know about the firt one. I feel too ick to say anything out loud. But umm just to know that I am ok with myself and my growth stumbling, falling, picking myself up again. To feel more ok being imperfect even online and in sight of people.
The nourishing light work may come to me via a friend, via the website I wrote a blog on, via a friend who knows a friend who knows a….out of the blue, via an agency I have joined or an application I have completed, via the network of people who access here even and are based in London!
I’ll know because I’ll have a greater grasp of how to create a blog and what the stages in this are. I’ll begin to create some semblance of order with all my articles/ideas and may even get the chance to edit one or two so they are ready enough to go for the future. To keep allowing ideas to come to the surface, to enjoy that inspired, yummy feeling, to take a few steps to make this thing real by sharing the specifics of it with the right people in some way. My confidence will grow. I’ll have some things I can do to make it real. Maybe three small but siginifcant things by the end of the week.
and hugs and magical things for Havi and her lovely duck of course so that she may travel thru the hard with a degree of ease if that’s fitting.
Hugs all around chickens.
My VPA came upon me without knowledge it was. Now, my ad is to summon up the courage to be the best business woman I can be.
Being in the arts has a wonderful way of reinforcing the notion that art is for love alone. What a misconception,but one that seems to stick nonetheless. I was offered to guest write on a very popular craft blog, but no mention of compensation.
I wrote back assuming they paid and asked about my rights and all that biz stuff. The response was that we do not pay contributors at this time.
I still accepted because I really respect the site and love to write; however, I wonder if I put myself in the situation of being not paid more than I know??
What is my VPA these days? I want to be a business women who stand up for herself.
.-= Lydia, Clueless Crafter´s last post … What-if Fridays =-.
My first time posting…. feeling a little nervous and shy 🙂 I am asking for patience and strength and clarity as I move through recovering from a period of awful (awful!) panic attacks and obsessive worrying. To respect that I have been processing pain through my body, and this is how my body does that (oof. wishing it were migraines or something else but I want to love my body and know it is protecting me). To maintain faith in myself and faith that the universe is benevolent and supportive, even when you are sobbing on the bathroom floor and wondering why the hell your body does this to you. To be grateful for the immense support that I have and for all the glimpses of the divine I have been priveleged to witness. To keep a clear-eyed certainty that all is well and improving daily and life is really rich and abundant and wonderful and secure and lovely.
That felt good. Thanks!
Havi, I hope you are getting all of the much-needed recuperation you need right now.
This week, I want to remember that my body and my mind are not arch-enemies. That we’re in this thing together. To listen to what my body’s telling me and acknowledge its needs, even when I can’t fulfill them. (Oh to have 3 extra hours in a day to get more sleep!)
How this might happen: I could check in and listen every so often. I could get down and do a yoga pose every once in a while instead of sitting and staring blankly at a computer screen, wondering why I feel so crappy. My friends could remind me to check in and see how I’m doing every so often.
I promise to remember my body is not an adversary. I promise to drink enough water. I promise not to make my body do things anyway when it’s hurting and crying out for some rest.
.-= Emily´s last post … Hey Wait a Minute – This Isn’t Work, Is It? (A NaNoWriMo Update) =-.
Hi Brooks,
I’m going to flagrantly ignore your entreaty against “Shoulds”. My apologies. I won’t do it again. But you’ve hit a nerve with the whole “surviving” thing. Survival is totally overrated. We place so much importance on being a survivor, when really surviving is the lowest possible hurdle. Look both ways before you cross the street, don’t eat the red berries and that’s about it. You survived another day. Mazel tov. So next time you want to ask to survive, may I humbly suggest asking to thrive instead (it even rhymes with survive so it’s easy to remember). Surviving is easy. Thriving requires a certain amount of brio (brio – a good underused word).
Massive exception to the overratedness of survival: of course among our tribe the word “Survivor” can have an entirely different meaning. Much respect to the Survivors of the world.
As for my own personal ad, it goes like this. I just bought a car. Given the rising price of gas, climate change and my growing family, I bought the most prctical car I could find: a 12-year old German sports car. Alas it seems I am being punished for my hubris. The check engine light just came on. I am asking for the underlying cause to be exceedingly minor (ill-fitting gas cap perhaps?). How could this work? The ancient Bavarian deities that govern my 190 hp 2.8 liter inline 6 could be merciful and kind. My commitment: If it all turns out ok I will treat said engine to the finest lubricant money can buy.
Havi,
Thanks for this forum and your all-around general awesomeness!
My ask last time involved figuring out how to get my 7th grade band to be less dysfunctional. Lo and behold, I split them into small groups, sent them off to work, and most of them actually worked! Since they were such terrors as a group, I didn’t really trust them to work unattended, but they did all right. Now I have a better idea of what they really can and can’t do. Still lots of work ahead, but gosh, I feel so much better about them and that the rest of the year might actually get better instead of worse. Weehoo.
This week I’m going to a conference. I know it’ll be good, but My Ask is that it is totally magical.
What I Want: I want to have my brain turned inside out, scrubbed clean, reinstalled, and to come back super-jazzed about teaching music.
How This Might Work: It’s a ridiculously large expectation, but it’s what I want, so I think my best bet is to just stay open and not force the issue.
My Commitment: I promise not to be disappointed if it seems less than magical. I promise be patient and wait for the magic to work. I promise not to let all the good ideas distract me and keep me from keeping things simple. (I get excited.)
@Nina – you rock, my dear. No need to feel ick necessary! I mean, I can’t stop you from feeling ick — whatever you feel is okay by me. Just that I think you’re marvelous.
@Kathleen – hi! *waves* I definitely know the sobbing on the bathroom floor thing too (and the “really? can’t I have a different protective mechanism?” thing), so wishing you what you need. And sending love.
@jon – you know, I think my definition of surviving might be different from yours. and personal definitions get touchy and complex.
which is kind of why I avoid the advices, because I don’t want to define someone else’s experience, or for them to define mine.
For me (personal definition), avoiding total breakdown counts as survival and is a positive, while thriving isn’t a word that I like. To me it sounds like a life-coach-ey word.
For you thriving might be awesome. And if survival is an uncomfortable thing for you or a whiny thing for you, you don’t have to use it ever, and that’s cool.
Since my ask is for me and not for you, that’s why you don’t get to redefine it for me. And I don’t get to redefine yours. Fair?
Update: I think I got my ask! Word.
🙂
Happy Wednesday.