Friday chicken

Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.

It is Friday and we are here.

{a breath for Friday.}

What worked this week?

Asking for what I wanted.

In all ways.

Especially in the form of pauses, intention-setting, taking a moment. Also seeding as many wild wishes as I wanted.

Oh, and costumes. Garments, as Incoming Me likes to say. Also remembering that anything can be a costume.

Next time I might…

Use a buffer phrase.

Often I find myself in situations that are uncomfortable for me, and I don’t say anything, because I can’t figure out how to word it in a way that doesn’t come across as angry or defensive.

I wait for the right words, they never come, and then weeks later I realize I’m still stewing over this, wishing I’d spoken up for myself.

There’s a list of buffer phrases I keep on my phone. I’d like to remember to look there.

And I’m adding a new one: “Can you tell me what just happened, from your perspective?” Or: “It seemed like X just happened. What was that about for you, I’m curious.”

That way I can gather intel which might help me decide how I want to respond.

And either way, I can still say, “Hey, I’m noticing that I feel uncomfortable right now.” That is never wrong.

Wait and get quiet.

Turn inward, take a red light, choose the pause.

This is related to last week’s wish about the yes of yes and the no of no.

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. Fear about a health thing that is probably fine. A breath for the pattern that says “Panic first!”, and for replacing it with Rest First, Safety First, Breathe First.
  2. You know what’s hard and amazing and beautiful and healing and also hard? Honesty. A breath for just speaking what needs to be spoken. Or in my case, writing it. How about: a breath for sharing what is true for me right now, and trusting that this will be okay.
  3. Paying the price for not taking care of myself, combined with frustration because I know that this is always the answer. It is so interesting and mysterious that I choose away from what I need (and like) the most. A breath for releasing.
  4. Dancer me doesn’t function well during Rally week. I mean, she gets to play like crazy during spirals which is the best. Social dancing though, I lose my center. A breath for paying attention to what I need.
  5. Making some big structural changes and some small symbolic ones. Mostly with work stuff but in all ways really. All of these shifts are good, and I am still noticing residual fear about how they will be received, how this will change me. A breath for deep trust.
  6. Receiving. That’s the quality for this month on the Fluent Self calendar of Salves (with the superpower of gracefully receiving gifts). This is something I really, really need to work on, and this week gave me many opportunities to meet my stuff about that. A breath for undoing and for letting in.
  7. I am hyper-aware of the times in which I am not speaking my truth. An incident at a dance this week for example. Something semi-creepy happened and I immediately went into some old, deep patterns, as evidenced by the fact that instead of standing up for myself, I smiled at the person whose behavior caused me discomfort. It’s like, in that moment all I want to do is placate and keep placating until I can get somewhere safe. So let’s make the safest of safe rooms for small scared me who learned this unsovereign behavior because she thought it would work best at the time. A breath for the process of remembering that Now is Not Then, and I can be brave and tell people what is not okay.
  8. Inhale, exhale. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. My god what a spectacularly beautiful week, full of all kinds of completely unexpected treasure. A breath for the good, and for being able to see its shining goodness.
  2. Honesty can be sexy. Not sure how I did not know that before. A breath for discovering this and feeling what it is like.
  3. Receiving! I am working with this, and things are moving. Also this week involved an astonishing abundance of beautiful things to receive, so: bonus gift in the form of endless opportunities to practice! It feels so good, like breaking through a sensation of a tight dark place and feeling the sunshine on my face. A breath for happiness.
  4. At the Righting Retreat this week (which, by the way, is nothing short of breath-takingly amazing), I seeded the superpower of Good Surprises. You would not even believe how many high quality good surprises this week brought me, and how good they were. My favorite good surprise from this week was when the person I was missing — missing is a small word for that — cut his trip short by a whole week and came back to me. A breath for many invisible exclamation points, and for the pure pleasure of a Really Good Surprise.
  5. Gifts! At the last Rally (Rally!), my cover story aka proxy mission was that I was there to do a photo shoot called Wild And Free. So this week I’m at Rally Y aka Rally Why, and Foxy Jess was here. She of course knew nothing about my Wild And Free photo shoot from last time, and yet she brought me a gift in the form of a mug, and guess what it says? All Good Things Are Wild And Free. Another gift: sparkly pink nail polish from Agent Starlight (Natanya) that was a gem on a mission. So perfect! Another gift: The dance at the ballroom that I was so excited about fell through but I knew not to worry because I could feel that another gift was waiting in its place, and it was. A breath for all the things that are so right.
  6. Everything about the Righting Retreat has been magical. The costumes! The proxies! The epiphanies! Good grief. Not only did I get way more writing done than I ever imagined, I also got way more Righting done than I even knew was possible. The writing was sweet, the energy was intoxicating, the giggling was first class, the conducting was a delight. I loved everything about this week. A breath for joyful companionship with a seriously great group of people.
  7. Overwhelmed by sweetness, but in a really, really, really good way. I am bringing as much of me as possible to this experience, committing to openness and presence even when it feels raw and vulnerable, because it is right, and much to my surprise, I keep discovering entirely new depths of sweetness and stardust.
  8. Thankfulness. The Most Not-What-I-Want Wednesday transformed itself into The Most Magical Wednesday. Everything I put in the compass came true, and then some. I can’t stop smiling. Progress on the big projects at my house. We booked two more weddings at the ballroom, yay! Wise counsel from Incoming me. Lovely surprises. So many things are beautiful. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full happy breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.

The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this thing is done! It is often shortened to wham-boom. You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.

Finished the latest Sip Hint Learn book (it is delicious, and now in editing mode, something to look forward to!), and am already deep into the next one. Operation 33 is holding steady. Looking forward to announcing my events for next year. Rewrote a page I didn’t like. Said some things that were hard, and all is okay. Wham Boom.

Revisiting some wise important words of truth from past-me.

This post called some thoughts on dealing with loss (April 2010) holds one of the simplest, sweetest and best techniques I know for presence.

Presence is magical, and it isn’t only useful for loss. It’s useful for everything. I used the naming caper from this post several times this week, and found it very helpful.

Superpowers!

Powers I had this week…

I had the superpowers of knowing my truth, surprising myself, and of [yes I will wear this blindingly hot dress to work because guess what I don’t need a reason or an occasion to be wildly outrageously expressive in the way that I want to in this moment].

I know.

Superpowers I want.

The power of acting on my knowing: clear, clean and immediate. And the power of I Do Not Apologize For My Idiosyncrasies!

The Salve of Wild And Free.

This salve does so many things at once.

As soon as it touches my skin, I begin to breathe more deeply. It’s a bit like finding yourself in a beautiful outdoor setting, and your whole body just kind of instantaneously resets itself. Your nervous system reorganizes and you notice that everything is quieter, calmer, steadier and more sparkly than it was before.

Or maybe it always was, except you weren’t.

There’s also this rush of energy, to me it feels a bit like gazelle state, or like springtime. I feel poised, ready, alive. I thrill at each new sensation. New ideas bubble up inside of me.

I have what I need for whatever adventure comes up. As Bryan says in the context of yoga, “this requires no more strength or flexibility than what you already have, come as you are”.

When I use the salve of Wild and Free, I soften into myself. I trust my wise body. I say no to all the bullshit expectations about how I should live, and I begin to follow my guided indicated desires and next steps.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

This week’s band comes via Lucky Lola, and it’s called How About Tulips, they have this awesome song called Would You Like A Tulip, and I can’t really describe what they sound like, because they don’t sound like anything I’ve ever heard. As it turns out, this band is just one guy.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

While I was in my deep panic last week, I used what works best for me: the Emergency Calm Down Right Away techniques.

So I want to seed a reminder that this is a thing, and it helps, a lot. Not just with calming down in the moment but with building the kind of habits that allow you to change your relationship with whatever is scary or uncomfortable.

I hardly ever recommend these because the page is already many years old and needs rewriting. However, copywriting aside, this is still one of the best things I have ever made, by a lot. I have two boxes in my office full of the sweetest thank you notes from people, and so many of them are for this.

Bonus announcement!

This book of poems, why do you not have it? It’s called Measured Extravagance, a sexy, complex and intriguing combination of two of my favorite words.

How delicious is that phrase? It might have to be a new superpower. I will also take some extravagance on its own, as well as some measuring. I do love measuring. Acquire this book of poems, this is my suggestion.

Come play if you like…

Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.

The Fluent Self