Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Wow. I mean, wow.
I’m just getting ready for the last day of Rally (Rally!), which is Rally #6, in case you’re wondering.
And between that and the Shiva Nata teacher training last weekend, this was one of the busiest, fullest, most creative weeks of my life.
So apologies if I am a) completely and utterly wiped out, and b) speaking confused-tired gibberish.
The hard stuff
Conflict.
This thing going on in the building where my offices are.
It’s so freaking insane that I don’t even know how to describe it.
But I am so ready for this to be resolved.
Though at least our other neighbor has stopped playing the Buena Vista Social Club soundtrack on repeat, so I guess that’s something. Appreciating the parts that are not horrible. Yay, me.
Time. And the way it moves.
This is probably more of the pre-birthday blues.
But various frustrations about the process of years going by. Seeing certain windows of opportunity shrinking.
No, not related to Bolivia.
It’s this: recognizing that if I want to be teaching the extreme physical and mental coordination and agility training that is Shiva Nata to the Blazers and the Timbers and high-level athletes in other places…
Well, that needs to happen sooner rather than later. Because I keep having birthdays.
And while yeah, they say 50 is the new 40, and Madonna is still crazy-hot and and and, I can feel change coming, and I’m not loving it. At least, not right now.
Giant shoes flying my way.
Some really mean-spirited things that no one should ever say to anyone.
Of course, since I know from experience that shoes will be thrown and that they don’t have anything to do with me, avoiding the places where shoes are likely is the thing to do.
But every once in a while they sneak in somewhere that you thought was safe. Not cool.
Oh god emergency vacation pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaase.
But not the kind that happens because of an emotional breakdown or physical exhaustion.
Just that it’s time.
I really, really am committing to taking this time off before it takes me.
The good stuff
The Shiva Nata teacher training.
I don’t even know what to say about how amazing this was. Clearly all the brain-melting rewiring madness has temporarily taken away my ability to describe things.
Twenty bright, beautiful, radiant, creative, curious people doing wonderful things.
It was such a joy to lead this training and be a part of this emerging world of great things. Just astonishing.
I confronted a thing without confronting it.
By reworking my definition of confrontation.
And then changed a bunch of patterns by going and talking to people I wouldn’t normally confront about things I wouldn’t normally confront them about.
But nicely. And wearing my sovereignty boots.
Speaking of interrupting patterns, I also painted my toenails (which is extremely not me) and painted them gold, which is triple-extremely not me.
So basically patterns were challenged all week, and I am super proud of myself for not doing my usual thing and running away and sulking. WIN.
We are doing things DIFFERENTLY and it is changing everything.
Better at dealing with shoes than I used to be.
This week none of the shoes hit my core.
They just bounced off the edges, like Hiro said they would.
I have a new section in the Book of Me that tells me what to do when I encounter a shoe, and I did it and it worked.
Normally shoes of this size/magnitude would have completely derailed me, but they didn’t and this is a very good thing.
Knowing things I didn’t know before.
All this Shiva Nata has been doing outrageous things in my head.
I am channeling ridiculous amounts of information about what my gwishes are and how to make them happen.
Never in my life have I had so many interesting goals and so much faith that I can actually do something with them. This is new and exciting.
Thank you, neurons. Thank you, flailing. Thank you, new patterns.
My new nickname!.
My gentleman friend has invented a name for me and I’m not ready to share it but it is the cutest thing, and I love it.
Normally not so much into nicknames. This one is perfect.
Despite all the crazy, we were still able to brunch the Secret Lab.
Ten thousand sparklepoints to me.
The Secret Lab is something I have been working on for many months. I am so very happy that (with dust still on the floor) it is ready.
Happy Playground.
Having spent the last nine days at the Playground, teaching, writing, projectizing and doing yoga, I can say that its magic keeps getting better.
And the Rallions and the teacher training mice brought so many wonderful presents: stuffed animals and new art supplies and snacks and beautiful things.
It’s just becoming even better, which I hadn’t thought possible. It’s home.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is super loud and a lot of fun.
Nothing But Iguanas
They’re playing in town all week. Except that it’s actually really just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
Follow
Happy Chicken, Chickeneers!
Hard:
-gravity…it overwhelms me sometimes.
-metaphorical punch to the gut. sadface. i still haven’t figured it out, how to prevent it from happening. or how to not feel like the rug’s been swiped out from under me when it does.
-worry. worry. worry.
-irritation with the fourth. one word. sociopath. leading to more…
-worry. worry. worry.
Good:
-“a zesty enterprise” (thanks Maude)…some things about getting older (for me, at least, people vary, yes?) are just awesome.
-stoplightpoems continue to arrive…
-good music in the car
-the shortest-longest month. it is almost over.
-flow
-the running is getting better. in two more weeks it will start to feel really really good. i just need to persevere through the is-gravity-getting-stronger phase.
Friday! Chicken! (Apparently I’m talking in imperatives today!)
Havi, I’m so sorry about the conflict and the shoes, and so happy that they’re bouncing off without landing! And Yay for the Secret Lab unveiled! Wishing you ease today.
Hard this week:
– Lots of snow. Which means icy paths and no walks for the past couple of days.
Good this week:
+ Unraveled a deep-rooted pattern. Feeling light as air as the new pattern settles into my body and my life.
+ Powerful group of women in Become Your Own Business Adviser. Can’t wait to get started with the program!
+ Deep, delicious sleep for several nights this week, and lots of night-time exploration in the stars.
+ A huge shift in a client’s life following work we did together last week. So over-the-moon happy for her, I want to dance! 🙂
+ Writing. The Muse has been lounging about with me all week.
Hugs for everyone’s hard, and celebrating all that’s good with you. Have a beautiful weekend!
Love, Hiro
Hard:
Anxiety still comes.
Good:
I know what to say to it and myself when it comes. “Is this a feeling that you *must* not feel? Can you accept it as part of your entire experiences?” Well, when you put it that way, ok.
Hard:
Knowing the anxiety will probably still come, all my life, and that all I can do is try to be more accepting of it. “The goal is not to feel better, the goal is to get better at feeling.” Really? Cuz sometimes I just want to feel better.
Hard:
I want a male companion. I miss having one. I don’t know where to find one.
Good:
Travel postponed until tomorrow which means time to clean and organize house for maximum post-travel calmness.
Rain today means no expectation of going outside.
I have a couch that can be lain upon all day without minding.
Fun and frolicking tonight.
Reading some Bikini Roto blogs, moving towards the thing that causes me anxiety, actually making me feel less anxious.
I learned how to do a half hand stand in yoga class yesterday, which means I can practice them at home now!
Work is good and steady and I have a good team helping me.
I love my dishwasher and my washing machine. They make me happy.
Happy Chicken!
The Hard:
-Been trying to get a gig as an at-home transcriptionist. I got the other tests, but this last one was, quite frankly, a bitch. Took far too long, and I’m quite sure the company will not hire me. Feh.
-Can’t write. This is unfortunate, as I’m taking Creative Writing at school. I guess I should Shiva Nata but…
-I can’t feel motivated to do anything. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this for days at a time. One day of being a growth on my couch? Okay. But this whole week has felt incredibly static. I’m going to try spending some time with the Procrastination Dissolve-O-Matic and see where that takes me.
The Good:
+I’ve discovered a new artistic mojo. House paint is my new friend and I’m feeling a bit of excitement at exploring new avenues.
+That gallery that rejected my job application last month? They just emailed me asking if I wanted to display my art at the nearby Starbucks. I doubt I’ll make a sale, but hey, it’s a show, right?
+I got invited to The Secret Lab. Definitely one of the highlights of my week.
happy Friday! First time participating. Actually, first time I’ve had the time to participate.. Ahhh The Good!
The Good!
On Monday I officially quit my horrible, full-time job as a technical support coordinator for a big scary company. This week was about figuring out what I want, ironing out routines, and generally getting it together.
And, while every day was not a 100% home run, it was marvelous! I am floundering in the correct direction, and feeling more clear and focused and sure of what I want and what I’m doing every day. Huzzah!
The Hard…
Yeah… ohmygosh… I quit my horrible, full-time job. The panic of taking that leap of faith has been a handful. I have gone the gamut of detesting money, loathing money, craving money, worrying about money, etc. etc. etc. But it is still all for the best. Also, family drama in the extreme. I am taking today to build a sturdy plan for boundaries with my relatives.
More Good!
Working on my office/happy place/sanctuary is proceeding apace. So far I’ve slapped some beautiful colors, and the quest for a fabulous, comfy chair is going well. Got a new computer, so no more working on a 10-inch netbook for me!
Happy Friday, fellow flailers.
vrl
These weeks, not sure where one ended and aonther began, but I ‘m starting here, again. Right.
The Hard
I called the consignment people who have my furniture. No answer, voicemail is full. After several unanswered emails.
Lots and lots of busy from starting a few new series and now I feel at loose ends.
Knowing that certain patterns need to change so I don’t get hurt. Feeling scared of the pattern change any way.
The Good
I’m excited about travel again, and really looking forward to going to Ecuador.
I bought a Brazilian bikini and wore it while walking on the beach and the sand did not open up and swallow me whole. Also, no pointing and laughing.
I came up with a book idea, more editing than writing, but I think it will be awesome.
I’ve practicing my Shiva Nata daily and I’ve had many, “huh, well, that’s an interesting reaction, wonder where that leads?” moments.
Hard
* rejection demon jamboree
* resisting demonically fierce urge to inflict grief to match grief felt
* still tripping over learning curves
* leaky roof/walls
* wondering if I’ll ever see $$ owed to me
Good
* tornado didn’t touch down in our neighborhood
* reading The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming while taking cover in the basement
* my sweetie and my dog
* 24-hour Arby’s/truckstops
* weekly hike included the sight of numerous turtles sunning themselves. Turtle jamboree!
* my bed. After five nights on an inflatable, my simple but solid mattress felt soooo good.
Wishing everyone help with the hard, and cheering the good. Shabbat shalom.
Chicken!!!
Nothing but Iguanas… I could really use going to listen to a really fun, loud band right now!
The Hard:
*My father died last Friday. His health had been improving steadily, and I was starting to think I had at least another 3 years. But his heart just stopped at dialysis.
*Everyone in the world who met my father loved him, and they’re coming out of the woodwork. They all want to talk about him – and usually the same things! Once is nice, but when I get to the 18th time I’m told what a wonderful guy and writer and designer and and and he was… Well, I get tired.
*I had a nasty cold when it happened.
*I have a dance show in a month, and a needlework trade show a week after that. So I’m not going to have time to fall apart. Super super busy. This is NOT a good time for anything more on my plate. Not that there would ever be a good time for this… but.
The Good:
* I have WONDERFUL family- both relatives and in-laws, who are loving and supportive.
* Everyone in the world who met my father loved him, and they’re coming out of the woodwork. I think he’d be astounded by this.
*I have a dance show in a month, and a needlework trade show a week after that. So I’m not going to have time to fall apart.
*The bellydance troupe can make me laugh, even when I’m crying, and that’s a VERY good thing. (heck, any group of women who dress up as bellydancing Elvises (http://www.rakswacky.com) for a show have to be good for me!)
@Romilly – I am so sorry to hear about your father. hugs, lots and lots of hugs.
hello chicken!
the hard:
– panic over once again being a bridesmaid
– guilt for that.
– panic over too much to accomplish between now and monday
– work stuckiness
– rain and cold and gloom and eeyore
the good:
+ Shiva Nata Secret Lab!
+ Recognizing how much I’ve accomplished this month.
+ Lots of ideas coming out of my noggin!
+ FUN FUN friends.
+ Chapstick.
Phuuufff….this week…looking forward to an early night tonight!
The hard:
– stress! stress from my uni losing a whole units worth of worth, stress from worth.
– feeling icky…unsurprsisingly
– also a return of the tired
– thinking i’d sorted out a research thing for my MA and then I think the person backed out at the last mintute
– realilsing the webcam I bought six months ago doesn’t run on Windows 7.
– doing the scary and pretty sure there was technical glitch. gah!
The good:
– excellent photo shoot, so much fun, and the photos I’ve got back are amazing.
– doing something scary, probably never going to lead to anything but just doing it is a huuuge step
– delicious food has been in my face all week
– taking time to rest when I’m tired without hating myself
-laughter, even if it is of the black sort
“Rejection demon jamboree” — @Mechaieh, I think that needs to be an awesome fake band. I think they would play some kind of speedrock-infused angry bluegrass, and break things, and I am going to come home with inexplicable bruises after I go see them play.
@Romilly, I’m so sorry to hear about your father, too. Best of love for the recovery and the figuring out of things.
Okay, chickens, I have some. Chickening!
– The ridiculous cold. Seriously, Portland?
– Grumpus a-rumpus about needing to make Responsible Decisions with a monetary windfall, instead of Fun Decisions. Grumpus!
+ Secret. Effing. Playdate. It shifted something so ridiculously magic and enormous.
+ Universe shifting in response to the secret playdate stuff.
+ My head is like one big long *bing bing bing bing bing bing* with Shiva Nata awesomeness, it sounds like a pachinko machine gone nuts.
At least this week I didn’t think Thursday was Friday, but looking at the time card, it sure was busy.
Hard:
Week 3 of being primary financial support for the family. No one is starving, but March’s bills are coming due soon. Scared. Angry (I wanted to get a haircut at the beginning of the month and now I’m starting to look ratty which isn’t helping my confidence/mood).
Rain. Which is better than snow, but we live in a flood prone area. Watching the water levels at the creek down the road. Nerve wracking.
Weird buzzing sound in car. No $ to go to the mechanic and find out what it is.
World news events combined with talking to my mom/dad are triggering the very huge “Why Bother” monster.
Good:
Banked lots of time in the studio and much progress.
Secret project is rolling along well, despite monsters and iguanas.
I am using my Havi-taught skills to manage the anxiety and fear rather than mindlessly stuffing my face or hitting the bottle. Major progress.
Guinea pigs are cute.
Happy weekend, y’all!
Not so much of a check in as one general observation: Shiva Nata Teacher Training gave me a new brain.
I want to introduce myself to everyone with “Hi, I may look like Rhiannon but I’m not at all the person you knew and much more myself than I’ve ever been. Now let us begin talking…”
Which I somehow feel wouldn’t work. Thank you so much for not only introducing me to that magic, but also introducing me to the part of myself that knows how to show it to others…
/cheesy
The Hard:
-A massage on Monday apparently “released toxins”, which meant that I felt like I had a flu/cold all week, but didn’t actually have one.
-The resulting tiredness and inability to get enough of sleep and bed bed bed.
-Being in a floaty head space and not particularly achieving forward movement with various things.
-Seeing your partner in pain is hard.
The Good
-The post you wrote yesterday, Havi. It really touched me very deeply.
-Grilled cheese.
-The possibility of a cool practitioner coming into my life.
-Even though I haven’t achieved forward movement on several things, I must admit that I’ve definitely been fractal flowering pretty much everything. So yay on that.
A happy weekend to all!
Ch-ch-ch-ch-chicken…
Hard:
–Annoying little accidental knife cuts and paper cuts on my hand. Also, fragile fingernails that keep tearing and hurting.
–Criticism/thrown shoes from people whose opinions matter deeply to me. I’m taking it way too hard, really. Need to work on those force fields and inner champions.
Good:
–Iguana wrangling. Every little bit helps. (Thanks again for the fractal flower garden post — so helpful!)
–Secret Lab! Woo-hoo!
–Some excellent moments with my music therapy clients.
Offering tenderness for everyone’s hard stuff, and sharing delight in all the good things. Gut shabbes and a glorious weekend to all!
Pedicures are my not-so-secret girly-girly vice. I can’t keep fingernails to save my life (44 years old and still a biter — holy carp did I just admit that out loud?), but my toes look awesome at all times. Even in the dead of winter.
This week’s hard:
– More death among my friends’ and family’s dear ones. I’ve now officially lost count of February’s toll.
– Storm damage at Mom’s, while she’s out of the country. Some emergency schedule juggling so I could go take care of things over there yet still meet a tight, immobile deadline.
– Realization that the gallery show I thought was booked for the month of April and am unprepared for is actually in March. As in, the month that starts Tuesday.
This week’s good:
– Creative juices are flowing.
– Work has been nicely balanced with other things.
– A couple of really lovely compliments from clients.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Oh, it’s Friday. Ok.
Let’s see…
The hard.
– A hard couple of weeks actually. I haven’t done this is a while, have I? Migraines, nausea, cold that lasted forever, 3 naps a day, blah blah blah. So tired.
The good.
+ I sold a huge amount of stuff at my spinning guild’s sale. Huzzah!
+ Got back to weaving, which I hadn’t done in a while. I’ve been so caught up in production, and no one’s ever bought any of my weaving, so I keep feeling like I should make stuff people will buy, but sometimes I just have to weave. Oh, it feels good to weave.
+ I realized I didn’t have to choose between direct warping and using the warping board. I clamped the warping board to my table where I would have clamped the warping peg and direct warped a really long warp (uh…non-weavers just skip over this one, ‘k?). Awesome.
+ I trimmed the bunnies’ toenails a few days ago, and they didn’t try to tear my skin off. They finally believe that I’m not trying to kill them when I pick them up. Yay!
Dearest chickeneers around the globe,
Friday?? FRIDAY???? Already the last Friday in February?????
No way!!!
I so share the feeling of time flying by. Started my day with an anti-aging face mask and the day went by just as fast as the other days and I still look as darned tired as last night.
This week was good because:
– The biggest and most challenging bits of our festival are over.
– The to-do list is sort of shrinking.
– So much loving support and laughter among colleagues.
– People seems to be sad that I won’t be around for almost 2 months.
– I have seen more wonderful performances.
and hard because:
– Exhaustion setting in.
– Having a free day but being unable to enjoy it because of fatigue coma.
– Digestive system still not back to normal.
– Having to let go at work for a few weeks.
– Not wanting to let go.
– Husband’s employer’s plans for him for the next year.
Where I am chickening it is now 1 minute away from Saturday and I am really tired, so good night and have a marvellous weekend everyone.
@Romilly, so sorry. Much love.
@Havi, this chicken is really good to read. Yay for you!
The hard:
Really painful conversation with the housemate about the future of our friendship. Crying on public transport.
Weird illness/drug side effect/sleep deprivation thing on Monday causing me to lose a day’s pay when I really needed it.
Very expensive Theatre Emergency resulting in not enough money to pay the bills.
Scare letters, scare letters, scare letters.
No job to go to when my contract ends next week.
Lost housemate’s irreplaceable Tupperware.
Up all last night procrastinating, so tired I almost fell over asleep walking to work and it took me a *ridiculously* long time to walk home!
Working this weekend.
Irritability.
The good:
Things with the housemate doing much better in general. Two enjoyable trips out as friends.
Amazing booksigning by one of my favourite authors – inspiration for Writer Me.
Made up a story – haven’t written it down yet, but yay!
New drugs definitely taking the edge off mania.
Got a really big, complex financial task finished on Thursday.
Working this weekend (and getting this afternoon off to offset that, which I *really* needed.
Proud of how I dealt with Theatre Emergency.
My support network.
My two surviving rats getting tamer by the day now I’ve realised the key to getting close to them – unlike the rat who died, these two need to feel in control.
Shiva Nata Secret Lab!
Epiphany of the week: I’ll stop avoiding God when I stop avoiding myself.
Spending some time naked and drawing smiley faces on body parts as a result of said epiphany.
Glucose tablets. Everything’s better with glucose tablets.
Chickens. Little fluffy chickens taking pecks out of my life.
The good
started shiva nata. well not really, but obsessed with knowing the positions so that when the dvd arrives, I will be ready. My daughter (8) knows them too. come on postage.
got offered a mini-job – not in my strongest field, but related.
I sent Havi her pirate mail. (months late late late)
the hard
We have been to Bolivia twice. We accidentally booked a third trip, but at 4 months before the trip, the plane arrived early, sick, and still in my hands. We were supposed to take off three weeks from today, and I’m sad about it still. My husband is ending all possible trips to Bolivia on monday, and sitting on a bag pf peas instead.
nothing really bad. Oh wait. someone threw shoes at me. I threw back a little. Then I stood my ground. Working on not caring. Had to wear my sexy mouth guard at night b/c I was grinding about it.
Hioh. Big week.
Hards
– For the want of a nail situation that made me look and feel like a complete flake, again. So sick of this. More than a flake, but I can’t think of a better word. Useless, not solid, unreliable, she-who-will-let-you-down.
– Realised that in allowing myself to get into nail free situations I AM a flake. A non-flake is a person who is rarely if ever without a spare nail.
– Deciding that I absolutely, one hundred per cent, without a shadow of a doubt want to change my life to allow myself to live a non-flake life. For my sanity. For the people who rely on me. For my DIGNITY! Enough!! Here, right here, this is a boundary.
– Knowing that insisting on systems and practices that will honour the new clear boundaries may mean sacrificing something that I hold most dear. Sad (but still committed).
– Looking up the internets and doing the quizzes and coming to admit the word ‘depression’ and I might have something to do with one another. Damn.
– Scared of what will happen now that I’m following my intuition through this misty part of the road. Part of me thinks that I will be the unique case where following your heart and all the other spirit-led, enlightened, authentic living instructions fail and I will end up completely rooted after all.
Goods
+ Committed myself to my own good, first and foremost.
+ Really came to understand that complicating the truth is never sustainable (eg. well it’s not really what I want but if I make up for it with X or Y then I can live with it for a bit longer).
Simple = hard + worth it/sustainable.
Complicated = easier + not worth it/unsustainable.
My new mission statement: Make it simple, to last your whole life long.
(Everything I need to know about life I learned from the Carpenters).
+ Describing new boundaries, need for systems and practices that will support and honour these boundaries and wasn’t met with the need to sacrifice that which I hold most dear. #reprieve!
+ Quit my job without another to go to. Husband shockingly okay with my need to do this. Ego somewhat bruised but glad to quit the magical thinking that was never going to work and make a Plan B which still might. So, I’m ‘freelancing’ again.
+ Jennifer Louden’s insights into how to cope with life being as it is without the need to run away, hide and breakdown. Gave me inspiration for the Actually Useful job I can give to my Judgement and Condemnation monsters so they can lay off ME for a while!
+ Riding the wave of my intuition. Feeling good ebbing and flowing alongside feeling scared. #hope
Gah! Ooooofffa… *everythingwillbeokayeverythingwillbeokay*
x
Friday? Already? End of the month? Really? Ugh.
The Hard:
– Way too much needs to happen in the next 10 days. The biggest rock is a chapter of my dissertation proposal that is due 3/7.
– Good eating habits seem to have been forgotten amidst the stress and overwhelm.
– Where the heck is the sun? I heard it came out today for a brief time, but I work in a basement.
The Good:
+ 3 phone interviews with candidates for the director position. I felt very positive with one of them.
+ Older kitty’s kidney numbers are better. The one measure, createnine (sp?) is in the normal range!
+ Found the missing puzzle piece for my dissertation methodology and theoretical framework in the form of a journal article. It is all coming together!
+ Good review session with students. I actually felt prepared for once. Probably helps that I prepped days in advance instead of hours.
Happy Weekend!
Friday?! Yay, I think?!
Sympathy to all for their hards –
Congrats to all for their goods –
Hard:
“Health” hasn’t changed much.
Some shoes came flying my way out of nowhere.
Attempting to ignore the shoes, or make them into flats, at least, so they’re more comfortable. Maybe glittery, too? Vulnerability more prominent than thick skin, right now.
Inowaanna Iguanas everywhere, and Oh, No, Not That, You Can’t! Monster. Leading to frustration, confusion, and general gaaaaaack!
Good:
Carved several stamps, with designs for more. Fun!
Designed some artsy/craftsy stuff just for me and for Fun! Fun!
Received great response from card I made and package I sent to friend.
Puppies and puppy kisses, and hugs and howls, and barks, and squirms, and cuddles, and . . . Don’t know where I’d be without them – they’re there for me always.
Have a good weekend, all!
The death and destruction month rolls on. So hard.
Oh, @Romilly, so much love and support.
To @Mechaieh, it has always helped me, when I want to inflict grief, to break glass.
To @Andi, oh hell yes re: haircut. I’m on week 4 of badly needing one.
This week’s hard:
– The super-stubborn work hellishness continues. This week’s hellishness includes a truculent staff member and trying to get him on board and understanding his role without throwing shoes at him.
– One of last week’s 2 deaths was a suicide.
– Still no writing. It’s making my heart skip beats.
– Apt renovations I don’t control start Monday.
– Another week of in a converted studio with 2 other people whose only job revolves around getting stuff out of my sublet. But they didn’t finish the job.
– Had to let go of a potential apt I really wanted as it was out of our $$ range.
– Excessively feeding my feelings. Can’t stop.
– Feral kittens I was looking to foster? They were eaten. By raccoons.
– No time to do nurturances.
This week’s soft:
– The 2 people in the apt left to go back to Berlin today. I’ll miss the good parts.
– Four Provinces, by The Walkmen.
– My romance/relationship luminosity continues and escalates. Sometimes I wonder how no one else sees the brightness streaming off…
– My dog. Oh, beloved bouncy roo.
– Brief torrential rain today!
– Finally letting go of the apt dream and focusing on what’s real.
– I am alone in the house and ohhhhh how gorgeous that feels.
I’m hoping everyone feels relief when the month turns. Love joy and ease-ness to all.
“I confronted a thing without confronting it.
By reworking my definition of confrontation.
And then changed a bunch of patterns by going and talking to people I wouldn’t normally confront about things I wouldn’t normally confront them about.
But nicely. And wearing my sovereignty boots.”
… that leaves me pining and panting for more, havi…
you in a mood to ‘grant wishes’?
It’s been a mixed week again. Exhausting but stuff got done..
The Hard
Housemate. Her boyfriend stayed over for 9 days when she’d said he’d stay Thur-Sun. He has baths at 3am [loudly], they talk til 2am; even one night shouting up and down the stairs [not arguing, just HAHA AMAZING LALALALA LOUD] while the rest of us tried desperately to sleep. SO much hard. So little sleep. So unable to talk to her about it because she spent every second with him 20hours a day locked in her room with him.
She also used my cooking utensils without asking or washing up so I had to wash it before I could eat.
GAH.
Doctor. Injection. It was fine however it was stress and worry and my arm STILL hurts and gah.
Paperwork. So many things I’ve left til last minute. Oops. Stress.
And now I’m sick of the hard. There’s more but let’s imagine its irrelevant. -wipes the slate clean-
The Good
I slept until 11:30am today. Housemate took her boyfriend home to London. A night of peace. Oh my goodness I slept sooo well.
I’d been meaning to have that injection since LAST APRIL. It’s now done. Huzzah. No more doctors.
CHocolChocolate. Wow, I so didn’t mean to write that 1.5 times but. It’s so good to have it.
Exercise. Due to anger at housemates; I went for a run twice this week. So good to exercise.
Support. Other two housemates were there to hear me rant and to provide an hour away from hearing 3rd housemate. We’ve a plan to sit down civilly and discuss it with her next week. Hooray for support and planning so things can be dealt with in a safe space.
SECRET LAB! I’ve had the amount of money it would cost me to go on Shivanata teaching training on my wall for a year now. Now I’m in the secret lab I can at least see new things and speak to others and see if any classes or other want-to-be-teachers are close by! Such an amazing resource! It’s so perfectly ideal!! Many many many thanks to everyone who’s helped make it so amazing.
A hundred thousand sparklepoints to everyone in there; including Selma and Havi.
And on that note, I shall leave this week. Hugs to all who want them.
Rose
Wow. Some seriously hard stuff (oh, @Romilly, I’m so sorry). Good energy to all. And, what an amazing amount of earth-shaking good stuff…
Just the big ones for me, there were an awful lot more goods than hards this week, I am so fortunate:
The good:
Feeling beautiful (oooh, it’s still a bit hard to say out loud even though I’m not talking about appearances… I’m practicing, thanks for this chance to do so)
Buds on the trees. BUDS!!!
The hard:
A difficult conversation rained on my beautiful parade – it needed to happen, there were things I needed to hear, but it stuck a poker right at one of my biggest issues and that was really hard. (the good: I didn’t let it send me into a total tailspin).
Acting like a child because my sore spot was hit. [Stimulus. BREATHE. Response.] Feeling guilty/sheepish on top of feeling wounded and scared. (the good: I apologized, it was all hashed out and is much better)
Chiiiiicken!
@Romilly, so sorry.
This week, the Hard:
-Missing Friday Chicken til Saturday.
-Not falling asleep til 2 a.m. or later most nights.
Tired in the morning, or just can’t get up.
-Biopsy required after mammogram/ultrasound checks.
-Only 15 minutes visit with my cousin from Austria before I had to leave for an event and she had to leave to drive to Toronto.
-Procrastination monster very active this week.
The Good:
+Shiva Nata Secret Lab!
+Moved a few more books from the office to the basement.
+Found two cool monsters at Baltimore Craft Show. So cute!
+Got to see my cousin from Austria, got caught up on her Dad (my Uncle), and gave her a fun present from the Craft Show.
+Biopsy got worked in on same day, plus they called back the next day to tell me it was benign. Yay!
+Went to a play with a friend for a late birthday present.
+Weekend with family. Someone is cooking with garlic right now. Yum!
Chick chick chickennn!
@Romilly, so sorry to hear your news.xxx
The good
Well. Making up with Mr G. God. Good. Hopeful, scared too, readying for more deep work.
Having 4 days off and doing cleaning, feeling rested.
Nearly finished my 1st draft AT LASTTTT of my short play – yayyyyy!
Realising that I want to collect and share stories in spite of my fears about the way, the mediums that I use to do it.
Having very specific ideas about what I want to create.
Getting a sense of one day making a living out of playing/exploring/creating/sharing. OMG that is such a good feeling.
Playing with 5 images and words – a story about love. YES! Love it!
Increased awareness about a pattern. Gonna keep meditating on this and noticing my thoughts, feelings, sensations as they come up.
The holiday feeling of having space – so so good!
The bad
The slightly relentless niggling nagging of my fears about learning new skills. Filming, buying and using a Mac, photoshop, doing stuff without training and tons of experience? A little scary – but good too.
Still having thoughts that say I don’t wanna be in ze cubicle I wanna do my own thing RIGHT NOW. Patience? Does not come easily to me. Hang in their sweetie!
oh wow. Late, late, late chicken for meeee! But this is the way of the funny time zones + work.
The hard: OH ICK the cramps.
And the lack of sleep.
And the VERY happy (loud) roommates that I love and chose not to interrupt at their happy.
The DANCE CLASS FROM HELL. Which is, blessedly, over. I know there is something to learn in there but I’m not ready to be mature and analytical yet.
The really scared person I love dearly.
The death. Crazy. Sudden. Unexpected. Gah.
The good: SUN!
Wetsuit! For the wave-playing which is kind of like shiva nata with water and salt.
And Getting The Thing Done! With the Help of Helper Mice! The deadline is met. The sales page is tomorrow’s project. Fastest turnaround EVER and I love it and I think it will be good, if imperfect.
The monster negotiations! I very much enjoy them. When they are not my own. Even sometimes when they are.
The surprise money.
The new client and the maybe OTHER new client! I love clients!
The moved in. Even from over here it feels good.
The impending arrival of the sweetie.
hugs to the hards; yay to the goods. Thinking forward to March. MARCH?! How can that be already?
Yay.
I got a nickname! And I never get nicknamed, always complain about it and I got one! May blog about that one…that was the highlight of MY week 🙂