In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
The hard stuff
Still tired.
Blah, boring. Take that damn vacation already. Or at least pretend you have mono.
Weather gloom.
Come on, Portland.
It’s cherry-blossom-week. It’s time to be your most shiny and beautiful.
I am very serious. Let’s do this.
Stupid stupid daylight savings throws me off track like you would not believe.
I was the biggest confused cranky-mouse this week because of being half jet-lagged.
Everything was stupid and bewildering and wrong this week. Also, please do not take light away from a morning person who is recovering from winter. It is not nice.
A symbolic thing I take way too seriously.
A symbolic thing that has, I’m assuming, no actual impact on my life, threw me into alternating panic and depression this week. Ugh.
And now I can’t stop obsessing over it.
Too many projects. Caring about all of them. .
And then, if that weren’t enough, lots of post ideas no time to work on them.
I then invariably proceed to write what seems like the perfect reminder note, but then no, it’s gone. No more idea.
And I’m left wondering what I possibly could have meant by Thoughtful Bathrooms. (Is it just one guy?)
Okay, actually, I think I could still write that one, but really, how much could I honestly have to say about Permission Slip Popsicle Sticks? Are they not self-explanatory?
But the post! It was so beautiful in my head before it vanished. Alas.
The good stuff
Happy Hoppy House.
New and wonderful things happening to my beloved Hoppy House.
We planted a beautiful tree.
And Svevo, my marvelous uncle who is full or surprises and whom you probably remember from endless mentions here, managed to procure one of the exact kind of rocking chair that lives in his magical house in the woods.
And now it is in our living room.
It’s like a piece of Svevo-land with me all the time. I love it. Best present ever.
Rally! Of course.
Ohmygod. As one of the Rallions said, I got so much done that it’s just stupid.
Exactly. It is outrageous how much progress has been made on things. And how good I feel about it.
Huge.
And the Rallions were amazing. And smart. No big surprise there. And it was fun.
Bounce-FLYYYYY!.
The shivanautical epiphanies were absolutely massive this time. My mind: it is blown.
And that’s because we were doing all kinds of crazy things with the practice.
We did it with scarves. We did it with symbols. We did it with words we invented on the spot:
Like Bounce-Landing-Giving-FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
The realizations and insights of this past week are really pretty astonishing. I’m still processing but wow.
I got my picture taken and did not cry. .
Not only did Jillian do an amazing job as Rally photographer and Head Shot Magician, and not only is she the loveliest person in the world, she also had special Sparklepoints stickers custom-made for me.
Because she knows I am constantly awarding myself imaginary sparklepoints. Sparklepoints for me!
So now I get to stick them on myself.
Yay!
Short, but sweet.
I decided to shorten the intro bits on these Friday Chickens and on the Very Personal Ads (you’ll see what that looks like this Sunday).
This is something I have been meaning to do for a while now.
But apparently if you subscribe by email it kind of looks like I’m writing the same exact post every Friday and Sunday because the first paragraph is the same?
Anyway, it’s way, way, way crazy shorter now. I think this is good.
And this is from last week but it still counts!
I was totally going to tell you about this last time but then having gone away for my birthday erased my brain. Roller Derby!
Portland’s Wheels of Justice looked absolutely great at the Wild West Showdown up in Washington. After a depressing loss to Denver, our girls beat the crap out of both Philly and Seattle and looked damn good doing it.
Best. Season. Ever. This is all very exciting and pretty much all I’ll be talking about over the next few months, not that this is exactly news.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is in honor of the thing we almost always end up forgetting on the Jessica-inspired Wine & Cheese night at Rally (Rally!).
Volunteer Baguette.
They’re playing in town all week. Except that it’s really just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s always chicken amnesty — you can join in absolutely whenever you want.
Cluck cluck y’all.
Hard:
– We are pretty damn broke. Cashflow is king and all that…. HARD. Fortunately we have bulk of pantry goods and waaaaay too much swiss chard in the garden, but how much chickpea, tuna and greens can you eat?
– Changes to the routine (rude-teen) now include public transport and driving which brings out the irritated and the aggro in me…. errrkk.
– I am out of shape. I know this because of how much my body aches after an afternoon of gardening. Damn.
Good:
– A weekend of no commitments. Aaaaaaaah #indulgingthehermit
– I am being mindful of old habits and self-sabotaging traps connected with new rude-teen. Taking notes! ON PAPER not just in my head where I think I will remember it but then I don’t. Yay me!
– New job will be good. Old irritations in it are not going to irritate because Now is not Then and I am different in a hundred different ways.
– Dolce continues. I cannot quite believe it. But yay. Serious yay.
– Little lad keeps making progress in talking and language dvmt. New words this week include: eyebrows and his/her. Good one boy!
– The garden has waaaay too much swiss chard in it. Also the tomatoes are plentiful and if we could get a spot of sunshine down here that would be helpful…. Might need to find a green tomato pickle recipe.
– Havi posts a request that requires obsessively browsing the archives? Yes, I’ll bite!
– How good is the Brian Cox “wonders of the solar system” documentary? Very, very good. I Looooooooooove It!!! Life, the universe and everything. I love astrophysics and quantum and all that borderline between science and philosophy. xxxxx
Chickened. Cx
Oh gosh. This week I’m going to go with a category that isn’t exactly “hard” or “good”–it’s hard and good all jumbled together.
I’ve been journaling and paying attention to myself and trying to be mindful and talk to my monsters–and it seems like it’s helping me have better days. Wonder of wonders, I was productive at work for two days in a row with no external deadliney pressure. I figured out some things about tidying the house, and have begun modestly, thoughtfully doing something about it. I went into the jewelry studio (which I’d been avoiding) and organized/cleaned it so that it will be a welcoming place for Slightly Future Me to be a creative genius. Countless moments of noticing, engaging with, and releasing little bits of stuckness and resistance. Mind-opening. Rewarding. Good.
So my brain has been making all kinds of crazy connections and realizations, which is exciting, and there seems to be some measurable movement in a good direction. But there’s an undercurrent of worry, of “this is all a placebo, it won’t last, it’s a mirage, you’ll get worn out from all of this and wind up in an even more tired, depressed, mindless state than you started in”. It feels as though I’ve been asleep for months, woken up suddenly, but know that I might fall asleep again for who knows how long, at any point. Scary. Hard.
But… I think it’s a scary I have tools to work with. I can think about how to make this deliberate-ness and concentration something I can find my way home to again. How to be kind to myself even when I’m not full of lovely doing-useful-things energy. How to not build my expectations of myself and this process into something huge and scary and impossible to live up to. How to stay in the process.
So that’s where I am, on a pretty meta level. The little parts of the week, like my sleep schedule, minor work irritation, bits of miscommunication, even the art show–seem less important to me right now. I’m hoping that next week, I’m on a more even keel with all of this, and am more comfortably settled into the process 🙂
Hard
Tired. Tired. Tired. Is it the change of seasons as everyone so sagely says?
Takes too much time to remember what is the next important thing I am meant to be doing and time just disappears and I have a knot in my stomach because it looks like I am no further forward. And I FEEL like I am no further forward(I know fractal flowers, fractal flowers)#
Good
Design guys came to see us on Wednesday and that might be good – better than I had hoped. We’ll have to wait and see.
St Patricks day means a day off in the middle of the week. My beba LOVED the parade and she loved the silver band and the samba drums and Chinese dragons. Butterfly face paints and a green hooter. Ray!
Let’s see…
The hard:
– Daylight savings time is evil. Evil!
– Not nearly as many people have been signing up for my classes as I had hoped.
The good:
+ It’s my birthday! Yay!
+ Since it’s my birthday I get 6 free bagels from Zingerman’s and an entree at Seva. Woo!
Good and hard:
Less than a month till my first show of the year. I’m looking forward to it, but I have more stuff than before, and I’m not sure how to fit it all in the booth. I’m rethinking how to display some things (since my booth isn’t a tardis). Trying to find the right size container for all my circular needles is a lot harder than I thought. Maybe I have a box the right size in my Closet O Boxes, and I could cover it with something so it doesn’t just look like a cardboard box. And the rack I’ve been using for the sock blanks takes up way too much space. Think think think…
The Hard –
fullness
The week was full and there are so many people wanting a piece of me. At some point I will be good at saying ‘no you can’t sleep at my tiny studio today because i need my own recovery time’. But for now I am flailing (flailing! 😉 trying to create just enough space to breathe.
worries
will i ever finish the phd ?
where will i live & what will i do when its finished?
The Good
mornings
i am so taking them for me.
coffee, space & a moment of offline zen before the madness continues
progress
everything is moving! the phd, the organizing of activities, the admin situation.
HAPPY WEEKEND WISHES
Here here on stealing light from a morning person recovering from winter. Ack. I also appreciate chicken amnesty. And in rereading one of your favored posts, I also appreciate that you understand that NOT chickening can result in guilt. It’s a relief to be reminded of your understanding.
Onward.
The Hard
-DST Darkness. Goes without saying.
-Not the best choices food-wise this week.
-Not as much working out as I’d like.
-Missing AWOL friends. Why do people have to go to Bolivia and not send so much as a postcard? Also, why do people have to get significant others and then disappear? <–is there a salient metaphor for that?
The Good
+Getting more involved in local literacy issues, including taking a course and meeting with the non-profit I volunteer for to recommend improvements and offer any support they need.
+The woman I tutor has gotten a job, and it’s clearer than ever how I can help her with her literacy skills.
+Work is still engaging and challenging.
+Socializing more — dinner parties and the like.
+Daffodils and tulips I planted last fall are emerging.
+Watching the kale, broccoli, spinach, and tomato seedlings sprout and bend toward the light.
Hard
-Foggy, tired brain. Just want to sleep for a week.
-Meeting on potential major gig postponed, and I was on the bus and almost there. grrr.
Good
-sick kennel dog is better this week, though we still don’t understand the problem
-Shiva Nata all days but one.
Question for fellow shivanauts: Does going over the numbers in your notebook and imagining the positions in your head while on the bus count?
oooh and Happy Birthday Riin!
Happy birthday to Riin! Happy birthday!
The hard:
– Daylight savings has meant a groggy me for the entire week. Plus the fact that it’s been exacerbated by my new need for, like, 9 hours of sleep a night.
– A really wonderful, brilliant person I know died. He was a superb person. Having a lot of different feelings about this.
– Some body aches and tightness.
– Some mild worry about others.
– Feeling like I haven’t had the time I need to work on my thing.
The good:
– Feeling like I have a community here.
– A body image conference I get to attend tonight. I’m really excited about this.
– I love my new coaching clients. I’m feeling very much as if I’m doing what I was meant to do, which is a bizarre and wonderful feeling.
– More exercise due to the arrival of spring. It feels so good!
– I’ve been able to give myself quite a bit of permission lately to be tired and/or feel my feelings.
A lovely weekend (and hopes for sunshine) to all.
It’s been a while.
The Hard.
There’s a beautiful project my partner and I are working on and someone very ugly has nosed into it.
Personalities are not meshing and it could have huge negative impact on kind people.
I feel I have to be the “Big Meanie” and call out boundaries and put a stop to the encroachment. I’m processing the stuffing out of it.
The Good
I’m committed to listening to my gut this time and to being patient with myself.
I have you here to help me find love and sweet goo to help me make cohesive my rambling thoughts and to salve the pain. That’s some huge magic you got here, Team Havi!
And the exceptional:
I decided a few weeks back sleeping soundly is my highest priority. Tools and practices I put into place came in handy yesterday evening. Before working on my sleep practice, this ugliness would have had me tossing endlessly. Last night I slept. This morning I was smart.
@Pat — I totally do count going over numbers and positions in my head as part of my practice! Just, when I find that I’m doing it in my head more often than I’m doing it in my body…well, that’s a pattern, and that’s food for thought.
Hard:
–Distant nagging anxiety on several fronts, of the ticking time bomb variety. School…money…taxes…tick…tick…tick…
–Daylight savings blah. It’s hard on the morning larks and the night owls, isn’t it? Just plain hard. My whole family has been dragging and staggering through that first hour or two of each day.
Good:
–Had a lovely day on Wednesday, first tagging along with my daughter on a field trip for her school chorus, then treating myself to a bookstore browse and a lovely, lingering cup of chai (and soup! noooooodle sooooop!) at a favorite cafe.
–You know, it’s amazing how cheering a pink-and-turquoise journal can be.
–Had a gorgeous bike ride along the canal towpath with my sweetie.
–Feeling pretty good in my skin these days.
@Riin: happy happy happy day to you!
And Havi, this:
“please do not take light away from a morning person who is recovering from winter”
…Yes.
This week…just sort of disappeared.
Hard: deadlines deadlining, morning getting earlier, grumpyish husbandthing, money worries, slackitude
Good: sunshiny hikes, grumpyish husbandthing turning positive, words, wool, kindness of others, remembering the pause (Paws!?), birdsong at sunrise, feeling better in the body
Happy birthday, Riin! And virtual hugs all around for anyone who needs/wants one.
This week’s hard:
– The sinus infection that was almost gone twice came back even worse the third time. Finally went to the doctor and got loaded up with drugs, including a $100 nose spray. Yes, you read that correctly: One. Hundred. Dollars. *After* the insurance discount. I think I am plating the inside of my nose with gold or something. But damn, that stuff works.
– Two weeks of time away from the gym because of said sickness is kicking my butt.
– All out of my normal work rhythm. Constantly having to rescramble my to-do list to work around my sickness.
This week’s good:
– Sweet new-ish car for my sweetie after they totalled out the Jeep. (No one was hurt, other than the Jeep.) Relatively painless car shopping. Great car, great deal, happy sweetie.
– Drugs are kicking in, and I’m almost back to normal. Made it through yoga class this morning without a major coughing fit.
– A series of truly fun and wonderful projects crossing my desk lately. It almost doesn’t feel like work.
– The daffodils are starting to stick their noses up out of the ground. This brings me a crazy amount of joy.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
(PS: Hey, am I the only one who no longer gets follow-up comments in my e-mail even though I’ve checked the little box?)
OOOOH! Volunteer Baguette!
Cluck.
The Hard
* DST like everyone. Why can’t we just pick one timeframe and stick with it?!
* Grieving. I hate grieving. I want to be over it and able to concentrate, get stuff done, and not be discombobulated any more.
* Sick cat as of yesterday. Vet bill today. ICK.
* Problems with handling the apartment management where dad lived now that he’s gone.
* Can’t find my good laying tool, which makes doing silk embroidery a pain in the butt.
* Went to put my new drafting table together and 6 very small, very necessary parts are missing.
The Good
* More combobulated than dis- yesterday meant I actually got stuff done – not on the business, but at least I was able to concentrate to cook dinner without burning down the house, and actually did some chores that the EO’s been handling for almost a month.
*Got stuff done!
* My studio’s almost usable again! Yay!
* Homemade Gumbo. Yum.
Chickie chickie chickie!
The hard:
Sweetheart’s sickness. Still.
Sudden unexpected information about lost daughter. Huge intense feelings but I don’t know what they are.
Bad sickness in the beloved extended family.
Japan.
The good:
A blog post was born and about ten more are ready to follow it! Reminding myself to trust that I won’t run out. I won’t run out!
Good support, advice, validation about my new business. Understanding more about my Right People. Yay for support and asking for it.
Progress on my joint Thing with sweetheart.
Progress on art for my website. Visual art is waking up again for me!!
Two big jobs have arrived! The light at the end of the money tunnel may be approaching.
post-Rally! chicken….
the hard:
where to begin….i’m still processing my rally! experience, but the big thing that was hard for me was trying to force my experience to be like what i IMAGINED other people’s to be. i IMAGINED other people having tons of silly fun, girl-bonding, brainstorming, hanging out together all the time, etc. my experience was more “oh shit” and “what fresh hell is this?” and “i don’t even know how to make a good blanket fort” and “i like these people a lot, but i cannot get to my hotel room fast enough – penguins! penguins! penguins!” i’m mostly exhausted.
the awesome:
rally! havi! rallymates! the playground! naps! it was hard, but also super yummy and lovely. i got a lot done (stuff you can see) in a stupid-short amount of time, but the best is that i got a LOT that nobody but me can see “done” and everything is still happening…. so it’s not “done” if you know what i mean. i am so glad that i have this day to hang in my sweet hotel room and recover (?) recuperate (?) restore (?) before i have to engage with people again. oh, and yay shiva nata, we will be friends….
yikes. just realized that my DST issues will start sunday when i go back to MST and lose an hour again. oh well…
time for a nap 🙂
xoxo
Ugh…this week. Feel just about ready to climb into bed and forget about it.
The hard:
– Work sucked this week on so so many different levels. Just horrible, atmosphere, emotionally draining and that my most hated task is coming back to haunt me. Miserable.
– getting messed about and treated thoughtlessly by people
– plus meant to book a holiday this week, and hasn’t happened as friend has dragged feet, ignored or forgotten to reply to my messages. I know she has lots of stuff happening in her life, but it’s just rubbish on top of everything else
– going to the gym and discovering it’s falling apart and most of the equipment I want to use doesn’t work properly
The good:
– going to the gym and feeling great after getting my run on
– took some photos I’m happy with
I’m sure there must’ve been more good points…I’m probably just too mired in stress and anxiety and discouragement right now to be able to see them.
post rally chicken for me too! flyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I’m at the airport, lamenting the end of a very good and much needed vacation.
the HARD:
the rain. rain and grey skies make me gloomy and clingy like a 2 year old.
it’s over! nooo! i was just getting used to this lovely rest thing, and now I have to go back to crazy schedule!
only two days home….and then I’m off on another (far less fun) trip.
sooo much to do. rally is awesome. but rally forced me to really face the fact that I have a lot of mental work to do in my relationship to my career….and a lot of actual work to do for my business. and i’d like to have made progress on both before my next rally!
the GOOD:
RALLY! it was great! the playground is great! havi is, of course, great! the other rallions were great! portland (sans weather) was great!
Got through an intimidating phone interview.
Got to experience what it would be like if being a photographer was my only job! I LOVED IT.
Photographing the Rally peoples!! Who were so awesome and photogenic to boot!!
bubblebath blogging!!! I did it four nights in a row!! Gah- i wish I had a bathtub at home!
Thank you Havi!! Ten tons of sparklepoints to you!!
@Lori, I don’t get the follow-up comments emailed to me anymore either, even with the little box checked…sad!
Hard bits
– The boundary-flailing going on in my extended family
– Rain rain rain rainrainrain blehhhh
– Return of the Sleepless Toddler (rated R for profanity)
– Hormones = bottomless hunger
– Grumpus-a-rumpus about lack of connection w/ the mister due to various mentioned and unmentionable issues
Gooder than good bits
+ Belly dance video is coming in the mail!
+ Dreams about my belly dance crush
+ This crazy ‘singing moment’ thing (see blog)
+ Doing good work
+ Writing that thing I wanted to write
+ External recognition for my metaphorical firefighting skills (I think it’s all that practice I’ve had with dragons)
Happiest of weekend wishes to everyone! And springtime thoughts, for my fellow northern hemispherians, and autumnal thoughts for the other half.
hello my darling’s
The good
Continued moments of bliss and feelings of deep peace inside my body.
Meditation yumminess that fits in with my life. On the way to work, at lunch, in bed. Yay to ease.
BEing in a new office and mostly being calm, confident at ease. Mostly. Getting on with people there – I’d almost forget what it is like to click with people!
Moments of surrender – where I just feel I have nothing to fight anymore because it all follows a natural order.
Trust and this sense of the wonder of the world.
Being able to see other people’s perspectives even in pain, even if only for a moment. Soothing, helpful at times.
Not falling apart when the man walked out on me yet again. Noticing the abandonment story and considering it as one perspective and not necessarily the truth. There are always more perspectives to consider.
Practising empathy in the heart of pain and feelings of being pushed away or cut off.
Knwoing that I am getting so much better at bouncing back from all kinds of hard – even heart break.
It could be Japan, it could be losing connection with the man I love, it could be meditation madness running amok in my brain, but feelings of love, aliveness, gratitude, hope and peace. Priceless, unexpected and somehow illogical but beautiful and worth savouring without holding on to.
The bad
Worrying that holding the position that conflict in relationship signals the potential to heal means that I am allowing myself to stay connected with someone who will never meet my needs and who just doesn’t value me/us anymore.
Wondering whether all the energy work that allows me to be less attached and tied up in knots with emotion to said man – could make me in to a robot. Because if I tap on the right issues – I could quite simply walk away – safe in the illusion that the grass is greener somewhere else.
Not trusting my own meditation yumminess yet to help me feel more congruent about what is right for me, what is good for my soul.
Feeling uncomfortable at times with my own insecurities at work – worrying that this side of me could win out if I’m not ‘careful’.
With love to all,
L
Chicken in common –
Lack of money seems to be afflicting many of us. That’s one of the biggest hards this week for me – sold some of my old jewelry yesterday and came up with just enough to pay car payment. Sold a few more small pieces and some coins and got a few dollars for gas for said car. Times like these when being an “orphink” (my word for no family whatsoever) sucks.
Learned that a bunch of things I thought were approved by comp insurance won’t be approved and so they’ll go to regular and that means the remainder comes to – yep, me. Oh well, the line forms over there –
Cell phone battery finally gave out completely – no cell phone for who knows how long? Replacement of battery or phone just too many dollars.
Some things that were improving pain-wise are going back to hurting and preventing sleep.
And yes – baaaaah! daylight savings time. The only good thing is it starts a little earlier now and so I haven’t completely become accustomed to rising in the daylight. The body still thinks it shouldn’t be rising at the crack of dark, however. Days have been dreary recently, not common for the land of enchantment, but somehow also easing transition.
Aside from those semi goods there are more.
Wonderful neighbors who brought me a full plate of pan fried chicken (homemade), corn, mashed potatoes, and spinach salad. Just showed up, with a knock on my door and the huge plate. I had been eyeing popcorn for dinner before P and J shared so kindly.
Hand carving stamps from erasers – how fun! Using the stamps on my cards and art, even more fun!
New designs keep flowing despite all the monsters lurking in every corner. And some are surprisingly quick and easy to make.
Spreadsheet started and moving along fairly rapidly, so the thing it’s being made for will come to fruition more quickly. And hopefully the outcome will be worth the work.
Wishing all a good weekend and Happy Ostara/Spring Solstice! Yay Spring! And Happy YOU Day, Riin!
Thank you for Chicken Amnesty!
That so many people are so bothered by the shift to Daylight Savings Time makes me think: could there be a ritual to ease our transition? We do this twice a year, Spring Forwad, Fall Back. What if we DID something, maybe special flowers, special meal, go to bed extra early, ceremoniously reset the clocks…?
And my week:
The hard:
Death and reminders of death, not too close but it affects me.
The floors. Aaargh! The floors!
Dinginess. Everything needs to be freshened up. And that takes energy and time I don’t have.
Needing workmen who will show up, do a competent job, and not charge as much as a hospital stay.
The good:
Nightly devotions and dialog with husband.
Establishing links and patterns to help me get things done.
Milder weather. Yay, spring!
The Hard:
Woke up with a massive headache. Not sure why. Maybe slept on the wrong pillow. Trying to cure with ibuprofen, neck stretches and coffee.
Seeing friends and others who drink too much and worrying about their livers and their lives.
Still only sort of used to the time change, despite trying to go to bed earlier, trying to go to bed when I’m tired and giving offerings to magic fairies of time.
The Good:
Woke up early so I can get some cleaning done before going to a yummy yoga class and then to a friend’s yard sale (she has beautiful things!)
An hour later, the headache is gone!
Jane Eyre opening this weekend. Swoooon.
Ohhhhlet’s see. Saturday night chicken:
the hard:
sweetheart visited (yay) and then LEFT! On Tuesday. Can it really only be five days since she was here? Surely it must be 12 days, she must have left two weeks ago.
But no. She was here and now she is gone. Sad.
stresses between housemates leak energy everywhere. Force field, activate!
SO much to do! So many deadlines!
Cashflow is not even. Not even close to even. Very bumpy instead. With much confusion. And clients changing their minds about what they would like to pay me but not talking with me about it or finding out if that’s okay before the checks change. Bah. (VPA out of step: for clients who are straightforward about money, like That One Client and That Other Client are.)
Apparently when I don’t have good company I don’t eat properly. This is problematic on seventeen levels or so.
The good:
I got a car for the break, which is SO not like me. And I drove places. All kinds of interesting places. I saw castles and oceans and beaches and a sunset over the Atlantic Ocean (can’t do THAT at home, at least not easily.)
The sweetie was here for two weeks!
And we did things!
Down to less than a month before I go home. HOME!!! So excited about home. And I will come back here at some point to play. But home would be good.
Weather is sunny again.
Spent a WHOLE DAY on the beach today. yum.
Exciting new work thing in the works with lots of good help from helper mice.
Yay.
The hard:
– Having to cut ties with a toxic person who dragged my closest friend into it. I’m lucky my closest friend did not take his side – he is an amazing person – but I was beyond livid. I had known the toxic person would do this, and told him explicitly not to do it – but he did anyway. I could have killed him.
– I’m feeling very overwhelmed right now.
– I think my friend is angry with me. I haven’t been playing on WoW much, which is how we keep in touch, or been up to doing much on it when I do log on, and it frustrates me that she never picks what she wants us to do and *I* always have to choose, and yet I get this “what are you abandoning me?” vibe if I don’t.
– I think my gods might be angry with me for not keeping in touch and doing the whole religious thing. It’s just – if they’re angry, I don’t want anything to do with them. I’m not going to push myself.
– The reason why I haven’t been tending to my gods is because one of my mental illnesses has flared up, big time, which gets worse when religion is involved. And I’m so tired of it and just want it to die in a fire or something. I’m tired of being sick.
– Schoolwork. So. Damn. Hard.
– People.
– Depression. Sore back. Sore foot. I was sick on Thursday. So much crap.
The good stuff:
– I did a crapload of art this week. Really proud of myself for keeping going as long as I did.
– I see my psych on Tuesday. That’s something to look forward to.
– I’ve been prodding at my writing a bit.
– It could be a lot, lot worse. I have pushed through. Usually I would have fallen apart by now. But I’m still standing upright, I’m breathing, and I’m still going. I’m tired. But that’s the thing – I’m only tired. I could be a lot worse. This time three months ago I WOULD have been a lot, lot worse. It was inconcievable I’d even do all this, let alone still be standing after it!
Holy shit, I’m awesome.
Boak Boak Cluck! Sunday Chicken
The Hard
hating having hormone-induced extra low energy for a day
working on writing job applications while still dealing with the office-job-iguana
The Good
Doing yoga again after a week and a half without. Need figure out old turkish lady yoga for the days when I am sick and low energy.
Figuring out some stuff around applying for jobs
Realizing that my mom truly loves me unconditionally
Accepting that love. (actually those two would be filed under super-duper-excellent-yay)
Realizing that I have much more control in dealing with my stuff than I thought. It is not just happening to me and didn’t come out of nowhere.
Happy Happy rest of weekend to everyone 🙂
“Also, please do not take light away from a morning person who is recovering from winter. It is not nice.”
Amen, sister! I left my house at 6:15 this morning in the pitch dark. But, the thought did occur to me that in a couple of months, SUNRISE will be at 6:30. So, YAY!!!