In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
This week was not fun.
Let’s bid it farewell, in the hopes that next week will feel welcome to come in and be more… compatible.
In the meantime I’m kind of dreading the chickening because I can’t remember any of the good stuff.
Luckily I know from doing a hundred and sixty of these that there is always some good stuff. Let’s see.
The hard stuff
I didn’t get a weekend. Again!
Because of the Shiva Nata iPhone app launch. Which I didn’t know was going to happen just then.
But it did, and when a launch happens you’re kind of supposed to be there for it.
So work emergency trumped vacation-emergency, and I spent my much-hoped-for holiday working from my hotel room.
Which was supposed to be a really nice hotel.
But it turned out to be a crappy hotel pretending to be a nice hotel.
Among the amusing bits:
The jets taking off and landing outside the window, the forgetting of hand towels (twice), the coming into the room despite the Do Not Disturb sign (twice), and leaving a container of furniture polish and a dirty rag next to my bed. Lovely.
It was a very apt reflection of some other sovereignty/boundaries stuff that I was working on.
And it also kind of worked as absurdist theater.
And then regretted the decision all week anyway.
Regretting things is annoying.
Especially when you originally made the calculation that if you’d made Decision A, it would come with fewer regrets than Decision B.
A lot of things hurt this week. And I wasn’t myself so the hurt came with a lot of resentment, and I wasn’t in a spot where I could adequately work with the resentment. It sucked.
But hey, I learned something. Nothing like the hard way!
Because I got sick.
So that was my week.
Mostly in bed. But not the fun kind of in bed. The completely not able to function kind.
And then everything else kind of deteriorated because of that.
It was crazy hot.
I was tired, miserable and cranky and couldn’t get anything done.
Wasn’t paying attention, wore the wrong shoes out, got awful blisters, had to walk home barefoot at night which resulted in more feet-hurt, couldn’t go to dance class, missed the bus, generally not fun.
It got even less fun than that but I really don’t want to talk about it.
Let’s just say that I am planning on not having any more weeks like this.
Also this.
When I’m not depleted, I’m much better equipped to deal with boundary stuff.
And when other people decide not to take responsibility for their stuff and put it all on me instead, I don’t get annoyed.
But when I’m exhausted, over-worked and unhappy, I forget how to meet other people’s pain with compassion.
So then I end up not responding until I’m able to respond. And now there are all these backed-up responses.
Oh and then no water.
A mysterious Hoppy House problem resulted in no water.
On the hottest day of the year, because why not.
Luckily I had just had a massive Berlin-homesickness-craving for Apfelschorle, so I was well supplied with liquid until it got sorted.
The good stuff
Making the roller derby bout.
Remember in the VPAs two weeks ago when I made a wish to be on tour?
I made it to the bout and did a teensy little shivanautically-themed workout for my skaters. GNR looked great. They stayed in their force fields, played tough and beat the Southern Oregon Roller Girls 131-53.
Super fun. And yeah, we were the only fans there but we made a LOT of noise.
And — how sweet is this? — they asked me to be in the team picture too. It’s adorable.
The world didn’t end even though I couldn’t work this week.
That’s always good to remember.
Taught some lovely classes.
The Shiva Nata class at the Playground was amazing.
I’ve been having crazed epiphanies all week.
Plus it was hilarious.
We had Trampoline, Lizard, Brownie and Disco as the horizontals, and Sailboat, Pumpernickel, Bonus and Nostrils for the verticals.
Then we did some Level 3 and Level 4, mixing words and numbers.
So if left hand does numbers and right hand does words, 2:8 = two nostrils. But the mirror reflection is NOT nostrils two as you’d expect. It’s eight lizards! Yes. CRAZY.
Oh, and I did a class for my Kitchen Table program and some really neat stuff happened.
The Shiva Nata iPhone app!
It came out last week and this week everyone talked about how great it is, and that made me very, very, very happy.
Thank you for all your support and spreading the word. Though now I’m totally wishing I’d consulted Briana and called it Epiphanies in My Pocket!
But still. Pocket Shiva Nata! It’s here and it’s fabulous. HOORAY!
I broke down and bought some clothing.
Now I shall be clothed!
Ez!
Fun chat with my brother made it all better.
Onward Rose City!
The Timbers made their three points on Wednesday by beating Chivas USA, so we’re still — barely, by the skin of the teeth — in the running for playoffs. Yes, it’s ridiculous.
Also there was a Timbers win over the Whitecaps, except everyone here adores the Whitecaps, so the celebrating was relatively subdued and all “we love you, guys!”, etc etc. Best chant from that match? “Your bacon is a lie!”
And then there’s lots of roller derby this weekend, so I’m happy.
Understandings reached.
Thanks to all the Shiva Nata, massive realizations all week. About time and space.
More specifically about my time and space, the ways that I don’t appreciate or take care of my time and space, and what I’m going to do about that.
This resulted in a huge depiling, some ceremonial dispatching of iguanas, and making a number of changes in my Pirate Queen Quarters at the Playground.
I’m in Colleen Wainwright’s 50-for-50 interviews!
This is big for a number of reasons.
One: I dislike being interviewed and so I’ve turned down all interview requests for nearly three years. But I like the Communicatrix so much and care about her mission so much that there was no way I wouldn’t do this.
Two: What she is doing is incredible. Support it!
Three: She wrote my bio. I didn’t have to write a bio! This is brilliant, because I detest writing bios.
Four: This interview is one of fifty interviews with her favorite women writers. And I’m on that list! This is a happy!
Anyway, here’s my interview about pickles and writing. Note the lovely picture of the Schmoppet. Schmoppet!
I hope you enjoy. And I really, really hope that you spread the word about her 50 for 50 project.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
And this week’s band actually comes to us via that same brother.
Another Guilt Machine
They’re playing in town all week. Except that it’s really just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Whoa, sounds like a tricky kind of week. Hoping this weekend’s an actual weekend for you!
The Hard:
-Feeling a bit bored and idle, which I’m realizing are my triggers for the big “D.”
-The MOST boring task EVER at work this week. Prepare to be numbed from the inside out.
-A GODDAMNED EARTHQUAKE. It was quite frightening in my (near Washington, DC) office building, as our cubicle walls swayed back and forth, things fell down. It was far more jarring and violent than any of the earthquakes I’d experienced when I lived in California. Those buildings are designed for that kind of earth quaking. My heart wouldn’t stop pounding, and my hands were shaking for a good hour afterward. Everyone was quite scared, and no one knew what to do, or what the protocol was (run out of the building? hide under the desk? I forgot everything I’d learned about earthquake preparedness thinking I’d never need it on the east coast).
The Good:
+Mood seems more stable.
+Lots of fun and naughty time with my bf this week.
+Working out more intensely, which feels gooooood.
+Using boredom as a chance to think about what I *really* want to be doing.
+Lots of journaling.
+Lots of fiction reading.
+No injuries to people or buildings here due to quake (wish I could say that about the rest of DC and parts of VA).
@Havi, you’re so funny. You say you “didn’t work this week” and then go right on to say you taught two classes, did huge depiling, dispatched iguanas (nobly, I’ve no doubt!) and reorganised the HQ. AND you were living at epiphany central. You know, rebuilding your brain and shit. (Ohhh, you!! So funny…)
Who, me?? Okay, I’ll rabbit on as normal…
Hard
– first trimester. It basically sucks. (The baby, that is, as in “sucks the lifeblood out of you”). Urrggh, nausea and can’t get enough food and can’t bear the idea of food all at once. And non-shleepy tired. The total I-could-just-blah-on-the-couch-all-day kind of tired. Yeah yeah, I know it’s all for a good cause. Like economy class airline tickets. (To Bolivia! There will be llamas and mountains!)
– very non-productive at work. Starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by the enormous pile of iguanas. Must remedy this because I don’t want to get the job cobwebs back!
(Jobwebs. Sticky, icky, can’t get out of it…. jobwebs.
Nice, I like my new word. Feel free to meme it and I’ll always think it was me who invented it. Like I also think I invented the phrase ’emotional vampires’. But you know, I’m not going to ARGUE about it!)
– working two jobs in the one organisation, and people wanting me to be the other me on my other days, ‘just for an hour’, and really there just being more to do than can be done in the days I’m there. And also having two signatures so I have to delete one or the other on every email is leaving me a little confuzzled.
– these days I dig just a little into my Stuff and get to scary questions fast (so I’m thinking that’s progress) and so then I buy magazines and read about princesses and movie stars and do crosswords instead. Because THAT’S productive! I need to figure out the command for molecular wall deconstruction in my video game because bang-run-around-in-circles-try-again-bang isn’t actually getting me through the wall. Surprise!!
– time passes quickly. Please sir, I want some more.
Good
+ I’m happy the rat is good and strong and keen to live (and sucking the lifeblood out of me). Go on, what else am I here for? I’m a mother! Use me! Suck me dry! I get it, I’m a goddess.
(Hey, I know I’m being cynical but it’s me and I’m allowed to. Just watch me TURN like a cobra if anyone ELSE hangs shit!! I am Goddess-DefendOOOR!
Eg. I had a rave this week against doctors and stirrups and sky-high beds that are extra terrifying when you’re whale-sized even if it IS soooo much more convenient for the doctor to just lean down ever so slightly and check you out in all your glory, and how all check ups should be done on a nice, comfy, low bed so that doctors and anyone else that wants to enter the sacred space has to go there ON THEIR KNEES!!!! I think it would be a highly appropriate reminder of JUST WHAT THEY ARE DEALING WITH IN THAT SITUATION!!!!
Ha! I love being Goddess DefendOOOR (which has to be said with that long Oooor-sound in a supervillain voice).
+ Little lad wrote his name on paper to ‘sign in’ to kinder all by himself, didn’t insist that my hand was over his to guide it and was all cool and quietly pleased and nonchalant about it. The letters are all huge and wobbly, some are backwards, the S is particularly interesting and they don’t run in a straight line across the page. I’d never been prouder. Had to have a little cry in the loo when I got to work that day.
+ Actually used some of the procrastination dissolving Woo-Woo-That-Works and it worked. Of course. DER!! Got myself access to some more epiphany woo-woo cos it’s good stuff. Also doing shiva nata a lot more this week, but probably not making it hard enough. Will see what happens if I dissolve the angst about that BEFORE I try again tomorrow.
+ I’m sure there was some other good stuff. But it’s late and the week is fuzzy so I’ll just put this in to proxy for all the other good shtuff.
Goodnight cheeps. CLUCK
xxC
The Good:
Business is good. I fired my mastermind group/coach and found a new one all in one fell swoop and feel very very good about it.
The house is clean lately. The giant check lists help keep order and I love waking up and remembering that the kitchen is clean.
The Hard:
Parts of my life run very well: the business, the being funny, the looking like I have it all together. But other parts don’t run at all: the boyfriend part, the food part, the feeling like I have it all. The sad inside part that the funny outside part covers.
I am still very angry sometimes at a man who hurt me. I miss him and want to cry or drive by his house and throw something. I did what I thought was the worst thing: bought a hula hoop from his daughter’s mother, the person he hates most in the world. I think I will enjoy hooping.
I am having trouble forgiving him and forgiving myself. I thought it was something that happened once, I forgive and move on. But I realize it’s something that happens over and over and over again. Like when you are sick and you think surely your body cannot spew anymore, and then it does.
I worry that the walls around me are too high and I haven’t the faintest idea what to do about that.
The Good:
finding a giant bolt of pretty gold fabric in my closet and imagining creating curtains, bed netting and tapestries out of it.
having options.
my apartment. I’ve lived here for a year now and love it even more than before.
I want to say I’m a limp chicken this week, but I also think that it sounds a bit like some weird and disturbing sexual inneudo. Possibly a weird side-effect of studying English lit. Anyway, brain, time to ramble about the week.
The hard:
The sick. What started off as the kind of sore throat that I associate with chain smoking cheap Chinese cigarettes turned into a virus of doom.
At exactly the same time as my period. Wunderbar.
And has led to me doing hardly anything this week, and mental ear-ironing about how little of done and my urgency monster has been tap-dancing around reminding how I will never have this time again and should be making the most of it, etc, doom, etc, doom.
Attempting to websitey stuff when feeling like this and it pretty much ending in tears before bedtime.
Generally fragmented brain, so haven’t even been able to write down all the awesome ideas I have and want to test out or play with the stucknesses. And I can also see them feeling all sad and droopy about this.
The broken roof in my room not getting fixed because it keeps raining.
Buying eye-drops was just ridiculously stressful. Yes, when I ask for antibiotic eye-drops I would like you to offer me non-antibiotic eye-drops and then antibiotic ointment first. Gah.
MA tutor being incredibly unhelpful about with contextual essay, and now not replying to the last email I sent her with a different topic.
Good
Met up with a favourite friend for the first time since March and spent the whole day together in Brighton and talked about everything and yay! So much fun.
Also met up with another favourite friend last night, who I also haven’t seen for months.
Definitely decided on the next tattoo I want to get.
Reading lots of good books.
This is the first time in forever where I’ve actually been able to go to bed and rest for the whole time I’ve been ill, instead of having to go back to work to avoid getting fired/disciplinary or having to do uni work.
Also having somone to make me food.
Being able to have a teeny tiny bit of distance from the urgency and shoulding. Even entertaining the idea that my ideas will still be there next week.
Photo related epiphany about not disliking the photo I’ve taken because it isn’t the photo in my imagination that I had intended to take.
Favourite cafe is now selling savoury cake. Yum.
Ok, I’m tired now. Bed.
Have lovely weekends everyone.
OH, this week.
The hard
–TWO acts of god in one week? First an east-coast earthquake, and then a bloody hurricane? Really?
–Recovering from surgery is hard. Also, ow.
–My darling wife took her meds late three days in a row because I was recovering from surgery and not creating routine for her.
–I haven’t gotten very much done this week, which I expected, but it’s stressing me the hell out.
The good
–Surgery! Soon I will be able to breathe! And avoid antibiotics!
–I’ve successfully confined myself to bed with the laptop and coke and graham crackers.
I still can’t get over the earthquake AND the hurricane. It’s a bit much.
Sending support for the recovery from your week Havi!!
My week was not the best.
And reading how you are dealing with hard things helps me be more accepting of that stuff in my week and how hard things were.
The Hard
– tired tired tired
– another imposing, unpleasant, untrusting intervention by thesis supervisor
– much self-doubt
– a long list of iguana’s
– feeling like giving up is a real option
The Good
– taking some time for recovery
– packing
– some emailing and resolving on a hard thing that happened recently
– taking things slowly (and nothing fell apart yet)
– finding back some voices in my head that can see things going in a good direaction
*blows Friday kisses to everyone*
Havi, I really hope you’re feeling much better by now! That interview with Colleen is fabulous.
Oh, let’s see now. My week, my week…
Hard:
–The earthquake. I was freaked but not frightened when it hit, and certainly not hurt, nor was any of my property damaged, but somehow it was still a lot to absorb. I’m grateful that there were as few injuries as there were, but sad to think that, for example, the Washington Monument may never be open to the public again.
–Sudden unexpected cash flow emergency. I only just found out about that, so my heart is hammering right now. It’ll be okay, but still…stressful.
–Painful conversation with the person who seems most upset about me not completing my PhD. Realizing afresh that this person’s ability to serve as a believing mirror for me has been (temporarily, I trust!) truly shaken. It will get better, but right now, wow, so hard for both of us.
–Felt like crap yesterday, to the point that I wasn’t going to work at all, but then I remembered a task with a deadline that I wanted to take care of, so I drove for three hours to work for three hours, feeling like crap pretty much all the while.
Good:
–I got to be Ukulele Player #562 in a successful effort to get into the Guiness Book of World Records! The previous record for largest ukulele ensemble was 851; there were 944 of us this at Strathmore Music Center this past Tuesday. I’m so glad I followed my impulse to be part of that!
–I brought my ukulele in to show some of my music therapy clients, which I hadn’t done before. It was heartwarming to see them gently strumming the strings, exploring.
–My daughter has been enjoying her first few days back to school, re-connecting with friends, feeling confident and getting compliments in her new clothes and shoes. (Oh, those shoes!)
–I sang and played guitar at a blues singing workshop and jam session, felt inspired and had a great time.
–Discovered that Beethoven had a sense of humor after all. I mean, how else can you explain a tempo marking like “Andante con moto assai Vivace quasi Allegretto ma non troppo”? Oh, Beethoven, you scamp.
Love and good chickening to all of you!
Happy Chickening everyone! Havi I hope you are feeling better and this weekend does not get eaten by bears work or illnesses. BTW the app is amazing-like.
***The Hard***
– husband is not yet recovered from the race and is still finding/creating new blisters on his feets. husband with blister feet is crankiness.
– spending monies on a new garbage disposal when we bought one last year and didn’t need to replace it because of leaky sink. mold under said leaky sink.
– dragging myself in to work all week… just getting out of bed and going. the actual being at work hasn’t been so bad.
– grandma throwing bolivia shoes.
***The Good***
– I feel recovered from the race and am ready to go run and bike and suchlike all over again 🙂
– The losing weight to be faster thing is working & went to the gym for my class both times this week.
– the novelling is flying by 9,000 words until 50k then I will have written a sequel to my last year’s novel. insanity !
– husband applied for an appraising gig. he had to send in sample appraisals. *fingers crossed that he actually gets it*
THE HARD
-My dad was in town. Reupheaval of issues, plus sleeping on the very uncomfortable fold-out.
-Boyfriend and I re-confronted two entrenched and stuck longstanding conflicts of cry-inducing severity. No resolution.
-Feeling the long tail of last encounter with my mom. Nightmares and tears.
THE GOOD
-Experiencing contentment at home! For the first time, maybe, ever! This is wonderful.
-Friends who I didn’t have plans with called just to talk. Relationships maintained themselves when I was distracted! What a relief. (And important to note and remember.)
-So happy to finally have all my clothes in one house; getting dressed in the morning is awesome now.
-New brass earrings of awesome, with pride of semi-makership!
-Plans to watercolor some lovely etchings for the walls.
-Amazing evening of music and dancing.
-Minor improvement in eating habits: have made friends with yogurt. So that’s good.
-Played the piano for fun, just because it was there, and was so glad I did!
Just like you said, Havi, even when it all seems pretty stressful there is actually quite a bit of good!
Yay, Chicken!
Earlier today something happened that has overshadowed the entire preceding week! Fortunately it was a good happening and is the exciting thing that I said a few days ago I couldn’t wait to write about at the Chicken.
My husband is a Nascar fan. (I know, how much fun can it be watching people drive around in circles?) and for some time he’s wanted to do a Ride-Along, which is where you get to be a passenger in a race car on the race track. He signed up for a Ride, and while he was at it, he signed me up too. So this morning we went to the race track and he was taken around the track at about 180 mph! And I not only got a Ride (at 170) but I got a chance to drive.
I drove a race car!
I was the only woman who did that. A few had Rides, but I was the only woman who drove. It was exhilarating.
It was so much fun to go so fast, and it was very important in another way too, because 41 years ago my father said that I would never learn to drive. It was like he put a curse on me, and it took me more than ten years to get my license. So now I’m thinking about what other artificial limitations I am living with, what other possibilities exist for me.
What else happened this week?
The Hard:
Poor sleep and lots of pain.
Not much progress on a lot of things that I want to make progress on.
The garage work hasn’t started yet and it needs to be done soon!
The GPS lady doesn’t like me and always leads me astray.
The Good:
Hanging out with friends on Thursday.
Lots of writing and reading.
Museum trip this weekend.
Feeling pretty energetic and upbeat because of the driving thing, and hoping it will carry through the next week.
So, everyone, wishing for you wish-fulfillment and dreams coming true, the bursting of barriers and the crumbling of curses.
Let see..this week’s chicken.
The hard:
There is a creature of some sort living in the garage. I don’t know what it is. I do know is not supposed to be there. I don’t know how to make it leave.
I miss my honey terribly. He was my rock for a long time, but for reasons of his own, he just can’t do that right now, and might not ever be able to do that again. I have to accept that, take the lessons he gave me, and accept it is my turn to fly..without him.
He would know what to do about the creature in the garage, though.
I am dealing with, instead of hiding from, fears of ‘being seen’ as I start up 2 new websites that I intend to provide me with an income.
I am dealing with, instead of hiding from, ‘and just who do you think *you* are, something special?’, and ‘not being good enough’ monsters as I prepare to apply for massage licenses in 3 states, and take the Mblex exam.
I am dealing with, instead of hiding from, of ‘am I ever going to pull this off?’ monsters as I start looking for a new place to live/put my practice.
Eating gluten-free still remains a challenge.
The Good:
I managed to see a habit that I used to struggle with, as one that wasn’t really mine in the first place. I let it go with ease and thanks for its faithful service.
I took the pictures necessary to sell something I don’t use anymore, on Ebay. It will be a little hard to let it go, because it’s beautiful and from a part of my life I wish in some ways I could have a do-over on; but, I recognize that it’s necessary for a jumpstart for me to get where I want to be in life in the here & now, as well as in the future.
Slightly future me says it is ok for me to do this and I will like my future much better if I do what is necessary in the present.
I might have a buyer for my little sports car, so I can purchase a 4WD vehicle. This will allow me a sturdier vehicle, cheaper insurance rates, as well as a way to go into more remote places, and take more and better pictures for my own pleasure.
I’m continuing to lose weight and eat better.
I feel more and more like dancing and moving around each day. I feel more confident. I feel more and more at ease in my own body/my own skin.
Howdy, chickeneers! It’s been a while but this week deserves a real chicken…
Hard bits
– I’m coming down with a cold!
– The not-kidding-around barfy food poisoning on Sunday night
– Super rundown from lack of sleep due to the insane heat and lack of a/c and wahhhhh
– No call/email yet about the Big Opportunity
– Still hurting about a letter I know I need/want to write and yet can’t get there yet
– Said goodbye to our pup, to his new home
Good bits
+ Havi’s destuckification Shiva Nata series! It rocks my sock so damn hard.
+ Getting up to naughty business. Like a boss!
+ Surprise beach trip on Monday!
+ Life without the pup is…surprisingly simplified.
+ Finding things that I needed for my upcoming ballet class (eek!)
+ Getting ideas from dear friends
+ Replenishing my noodle karma after some seriously bad noodles (not a metaphor)
+ Started the thing I said I’d do, about giving stuff away every day for thirty days. It’s working! It’s awesome! I have yet to get to the hard part! Woo!
Ahhhhh. Feels good to think through it all. Happy happy happy Friday (or Saturday) to my fellow chickeneers. May you be safe from all of earth’s weather and moods this weekend!
Whoops! I just found out that, in fact, we did not set a new world record for largest ukulele ensemble. Unbeknownst to us, a gathering of 1,547 ukulele players in Sweden had already set a new record on August 20. Aaand there’s going to be an attempt to break that record in Honolulu on October 22.
Oh, whatever. It was still a great experience. 🙂
“When I’m not depleted, I’m much better equipped to deal with boundary stuff.”
Yes, that. Precisely!
Hard and good: I’m getting married next month (yeah, that kind of came as a surprise for me too!).
Hard because, well, see above quote. I’m depleted, and am thus having a hard time setting firm boundaries. And most everyone tends to have strong opinions regarding what a wedding should be like. Except that people vary, *I* am people and therefore that rule applies to me, and this is *my* (well, my gentleman friend and I, so *our*) wedding. So, I’ve been spending extra time grounding, reinforcing my force field, and retreating from interactions until I can establish firmer boundaries and hold them in a sovereign and gracious manner.
Good because my gentleman friend and I are experiencing something new together and having fun doing it our way. Play!
Hello, Friday. We meet again.
This week’s hard:
– People trying to put me in the middle of their drama. Again. Struggling to acknowledge their hurt without commiting to taking sides.
– Forgetting about something I had promised to do today, so my plans went awry.
This week’s good:
– Excellent birthday dinner for my cousin, and news that she is cancer-free.
– Excellent hooky day at the zoo with my mom & my niece.
– Truly lovely thank-you note from one of my authors. Completely unexpected and gracious.
– Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-inducing project behind me, and what’s left on my desk is all fun stuff.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
First hugs for the hard. I’ve been in pain in the neck territory and that’s so derailing.
Next, yay for the interview. It is delicious. Happy birthday dear Communicatrix. we are all so glad you were born.
And last but not least, may I claim The Guilt Machine as the house band for the UnGuilt Trip class? The class I’m working up my courage to launch next month? I promise to pay them with more than just beer.
The Communicatrix interview is Beautiful.
Congratulations, Havi!
Being depleted sucks. I hope you are on the mend.
The Hard:
Working through the boundary stuff, while staying in a spacious place. Hard.
Making a decision for my own well being, and facing the discomfort it created. Mine and other’s.
Sticking with my internal sense of things, even when I was discounted.
Losing my huge wad of keys–house, car, trailer, storage–today in the heat. Back tracking to find them, trailer dealer, Ford dealer, with my poor dog in the hot truck, air conditioner not working. Once I had lined up assistance, and accepted having to change multiple locks….
The Good:
….I found the keys under stuff in the bed of my truck, where I had already looked twice. How in the world? But, thank goodness they were there! And taking it in stride and laughing about it, instead of getting crabby, which would have been easy, typical, and understandable. My wad of keys is intentionally huge, so that I cannot theoretically lose them. But I still do. Sigh….
Having set the boundary, recognizing I am not with my right people in that situation, and making a decision to move on–then discovering how much better our new situation is–Yay! Huge feeling of relief, because you never know for sure, until you leap.
And, having been discounted, seeing my intuition is right on. Yay for me for listening to myself!
Reconnecting with a friend I have known seven years, but have not seen for the past two years. Making plans to work on something together.
Having a good laugh, as my 60# puppy sat in the Ford mechanic’s lap and licked his face. They hit it off every time.
A stack of new books to read.
Heirloom tomato and mozzarella salad–the essence of Summer.
I’m taking chicken amnesty because I’m struggling to see the good right now and figured chicken is the best way to get a balanced view. So here goes:
The Hard
– Trying to plan a birthday party for myself is a LOT of work. Even if it’s just ONE PERSON coming..
– Not sleeping. Too hot, too worried about housing and friends and family and BLAH. Cranky Rose.
– Food. Ran out of lunch-time food mid-week because mum shopped and ignored half the list she wrote. I had cake and sausages one lunchtime.. which led to sugar/energy failings and just; threw me off course.
– My father was his usual rude self and though I’d warned my friend, she wasn’t ready and got emotionally hurt. Thus, I got angry with him for not thinking. Then there was yelling and I ran away to cry. During my birthday party. -sigh-
– Got to have another meal with him and family I don’t get on with tonight. I am an introvert. I CAN’T have 5 days straight being around people [75% of which I don’t like/throw shoes] without a gap. Yet i’ll have to until tomorrow.
– Feeling ill. Headaches. Many many headaches. And stomach cramps and just feeling woozy.
– I was also tired, depleted and cranky and didn’t deal with the stuff I usually brush off. Except I do respond. Badly. -sigh-
– Due to my father, I missed yet another night of talking to my other half so it’s been 4 days since we spoke and as he’s my best friend and I wanted to spend my birthday with him; this just sucked. And i’m going to miss some of it tonight too. Not Happy.
There’s more but enough of that. -sweeps to the middle of the floor and clears it all up; throwing it away-
The Good!
-I launched my website: The Phoenix Mind!!
– I turned 21! Huzzah!
– My friend drove 50 miles to see me and then drove me to the cinema and took me shopping. She stayed for two days and we played board games and watched [cried at] Moulin Rouge and she brought me “katy cider” made with katy apples [my name being Katy-Rose]. It was epic.
– While driving to the cinema, her random CD played S Club 7 and we blasted it loud with the windows partly down and got funny looks from boy racers. It made us laugh. <3
– We bought pick'n'mix <3
– We got away with being students [she isn't any more and i haven't got my new card yet]
– I got two amazing cards from people who couldn't make it – one with an essay saying how much she loves and misses me, the other with loads of pictures of us form the last 3 years <3 I am loved.
– My friend and i painted our nails – each of the 5 nails a different colour – then matched each others hands <3 i've never been girly so this was new for me.
– we've made plans to go shopping in september; so i'm already excited about another adventure 😛
Okay so I guess that's a pretty good week. Thank you for providing this space to remind me that there's balance in every week. xx
“Anyone who thinks you’re too crazy, too zany, too quiet, too loud — too anything — is wrong. There is no way to be too much you.”
This quote from your interview is exactly the lesson I need to take to heart! Dear Havi, thank you so very much for being you so very wonderfully in the world.
I am trying to lovingly practise being my best self to the best of my ability and… I sometimes take on too much from other people and fret too much that I am ‘too’ in many ways. I will try and take your words above to heart.
Thank you thank you!