In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Man. It is blowing my mind that we are already at Friday.
This week has been intense.
But here we are.
Let’s see what happened.
The hard stuff
Slept through the entire weekend.
This is mostly a good thing, because I needed it.
And really, after the wonderful and packed insanity of the Shiva Nata training, I really needed all the recovery I could get.
Alas it was too short, as restorative periods of time go. And I have no idea what happened on the weekend because I was asleep for pretty much the entire time.
Oh my goodness this week was so FULL.
Full of marvelous. But still just really full.
I didn’t get enough time to myself.
And I didn’t get nearly enough time to assimilate and consolidate, so that’s really what I’m craving now.
No dance class for three days!
Usually during Rally I just turn my world upside down and get to dance classes at weird and uncomfortable hours.
This time I decided that I really just wanted to be fully present with rallying, and went cold turkey on my addiction.
I still made sure I got high, medium, low and negative-ten-to-the-negative-tenth-power impact aerobic activity every day.
There was lots of Shiva Nata (fast and slow), tramping, walking, stretching, some weight training and, of course, old Turkish lady yoga.
But I missed my class. And I missed jumping around. And I missed that glorious thing that is big, crazy movement.
And it’s going to hurt tomorrow.
A deficiency of something I needed.
With the resulting depletion.
And the (somewhat astonishing) amount of time it took me to realize what was going on.
I still want something I can’t have.
So there’s that.
Associated grumblethrum monsters have a lot to say about that, so we’re in ongoing negotiations.
And now I need to sleep for about two weeks straight.
Half the monsters say I-told-you-so, and the other half are just snickering because they think the idea of being able to rest before all that stuff is done is so unacceptable that it’s actually funny.
We’ll see how that goes. Onward to the good!
The good stuff
Rally! Rally! Rally! Rally! Ohmygod.
All Rallies are special and different and unexpected and delight-filled.
But this one was just out of control. In the best possible way. Rally! Rally!
Fifteen of us. Not counting assorted duck co-teachers, rabbits, butt-monsters, owls, an Anna-Tiger and a very opinionated Schmoppet.
We giggled and flailed and hummed and discovered things and kind of fell in love with each other.
It was a magical, magical, magical Rally Rally!. And it gave birth to all sorts of brand new rallying traditions and customs.
I am floating on happy.
The epiphanies have been massive and life-changing.
Between all the Shiva Nata we did at the training, and all the Shiva Nata we did at Rally, it’s like all of my inside workings are getting reconfigured.
But in a really great way where everything is better now.
The things I know about my project and my world and the incredibly subversive culture I’m in the process of growing/planting — this is huge.
I don’t even know how to begin to describe the things I realized and understood during this Rally, but YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!
Like that.
Things that make me happy.
Guess what I found out?
That two different shivanauts from my Shiva Nata training had already each taught their first classes in the first two days after the training!
And had fun doing it too.
Yay!
Incredible shivanautical experiences.
Like the class where we played Count the Count.
We came up with a number, a noun and an adjective to associate with each hand position.
Then we alternated between multiplying and adding these together in various combinations and sequences while doing the movements.
Also we did this in the voice of the Count from Sesame Street:
Eight Loud mugs! Seven Comforting Butt-monsters! Seeeeeeeeeks Pirate Fairy Doors! Five Loving Monkeys! Four Accepting Lamps! Threeeeeee Playful Cushions! Two Spontaneous Tassels! Vun Delight-filled Wheel! Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ahhhhhhh chhhsphbpflw!
And then we did Level 3 where you name each position in four different ways.
So if you’re starting at 2:7:
Two-seven, Twenty seven, Nine, Fourteen.
Get it? So each number got four variations. And then of course you do sixteen movements to return to the starting position, so you have to speak sixty four number combinations to get there.
Also we were doing this just unbelievably fast.
The side effects were MANY and also kind of crazy. But again, it was really really great.
Singing!
This Rally ended up with lots of spontaneous singing, and we had a little song circle.
The singing was absolutely amazing.
I mean, there’s always (optional, obviously!) singing at Rally to some extent, but this was a very song-filled Rally.
Creative bursts!
Of play!
I got more done this week than I’ve ever gotten done ever. Like, in my life.
And I’m at Rally every month, so I’m already used to getting ridiculous amounts of things done. This was a whole new level of done-getting.
Systems fixes and perfect simple solutions.
Like finding the exact right tiny cash register on ebay.
Or fixing the avatar problems in the Chattery!
Hooray.
A super fun photo shoot with Kylie.
Because Kylie was at Rally!
We went to the park and took a million trillion pictures. In costume, of course. And despite the fact that I have way too many kinds of stuck around being photographed, I enjoyed every bit of it.
This is the second time we’ve had a photographer at Rally, and both times it has been a blast.
And maybe I’ll even show you some of the pictures too.
The new cherry red decorative happiness in my dressing room.
My pirate queen quarters at the Playground have become my dressing room.
But there was this really ugly door.
And now there is bright red molding that goes around the doorframe, and now my door is beautiful and cheery, and the entire room has somehow completely been transformed because of it.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band comes to us from TJ. Yes, the same TJ who got me to write about the 30 things I love right now. He’s everywhere.
Chaos and Glorious Hats
They’re playing in town all week. Except that it’s really just one guy.
(Not to be confused with a different show called Chaos and The Glorious Hats which is what happens when Chaos appears with a separate group. Which is also just one guy.)
You know what else I loved this week?
“They sat their asses down, didn’t they?”
And:
“Right now I’m leaning towards ‘schripituality.’”
Announcement time!
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- Reminder: Rally prices have to go up in 2012. Sooner than it sounds. And Rallies are filling up fast. So take a look at the SCHEDULE for this new year and make a Gwish about when/how.
- The whisper-brunch is happening for Crossing the Line: the 8 Day Voyage! (password: haulaway). I recommend signing up before I have a chance to write the copy for this. The bonuses are better that way.
- If you don’t have an iPhone, go to a bar and befriend someone who does. And then make them get the Shiva Nata iPhone app so you can flail around fabulously while they’re in the bathroom.
I think that’s everything. If not, I’ll let you know in the Very Personal Ads over the weekend.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Oh Friday.
The Hard:
– Gentleman friend is out of town. And I am kind of astonished by a.)how much I miss him and b.)how much more I get done when he’s not around. Food for thought
– My uncle just found out he has advanced cancer. 🙁
– I am in deep resistance to a thing. I’d rather just make up my mind to do it or not, but it seems that I’m going to sit around resisting it a few more days first.
– I got engaged. And you’d *think* it would be family and friends freaking out, but nope. Mostly just me.
The Good:
– I got engaged! YAY!! Also: my patterns around this are *fascinating*. (Am I too much of a Shivanaut? Yes?) I may have to metaphor mouse a new word instead of engaged, but the part where we get to be married/handfasted/somethinged is very exciting.
– Since we got engaged hours before my gentleman friend went out of town, I can’t answer anyone’s questions about details. So I’ve been gleefully making it up. “Oh, it’ll be in Nova Scotia with a clown officiating… My brother will be the maid of honor. For our honeymoon we’ll be staying in the sewers.”
– I started pole dancing classes! And they’re wonderful! And I have so many bruises and sore muscles and I’ve missed this kind of stuff so much!
– We had game night and people came and I actually enjoyed myself.
– I cleaned the house! Finally.
– I actually like what I’m writing on my blog recently. Maybe I’m pulling out of my summer writing slump?
*** The Hard ***
– freaking out about making a movie message for an official event with actual ministers of the country attending
– freaking out about sending of a paper and results
– computer problems
– people, expectations, caring, miscommunication, a lot of shoes being thrown
in short – major overwhelm and no longer seeing the good or the way out
*** The Good ***
– one great coffee conversation about keeping your academic integrity
– getting help recording the movie message. getting the message i have been wanting to send all year across effectively
– finding a whole great group of people to follow up and work on the project i built next year
– coffee my brother and coffee with my best friend
I think I missed a chicken.
Last week was more hard than good, so I’ll just focus on this week. 🙂
The Hard:
-More anxiety than I would like. Up one night battling it.
-Darned foot pain and foot condition is persisting. No idea what to do, as most non-invasive treatments have been attempted.
-Horrifying long commutes are killing my body and crushing my soul. Okay, that was a bit dramatic, but some days it feels that way.
The Good::
+Cooler temps!
+Depression seems to be less cyclical now that changes were made.
+Low carb is the bomb.
+Cardio is also the bomb.
+Money and debt management solutions are happening!
+Good interactions w/boss.
+Lots of interesting stuff coming up — ESOL class I’m teaching will be starting, taking a class this fall, and I joined a smart ladies’ bookclub!
***The Hard***
– Lots of stuck around going back to University next week. After a few years in a row of really-not-good with my studies, it’s a little nerve-wracking.
– Guilt over not going to the gym. I declared a week of not going to the gym since it’s my last week off. Stuck and excuses-monsters attack!
– More guilt about my crazy sleeping pattern. I don’t like waking up at 11am, AT ALL. But I find it very hard to go to bed early when there are things I’m excited about.
– Missing Roller Derby training because I thought I’d asked for a lift to practice, and I hadn’t, and by the time I was standing there in the cold going “Huh, I guess I didn’t…” there was no time to sort anything else out.
– My RSS is out of control. 600+ in my google reader every day. I NEED to do something before I go back to University.
***The Good***
– Dr Noodles is finally open!! They do delicious healthy noodles. And they are called Dr Noodles. Dr Noodles! How great is that? This is three months after they said they’d open… but yay! Delicious yummy noodles!
– I ordered some shiny tech-toys that I probably shouldn’t have ordered. So excited!
– Playing a game called Mystic Empyrean with two of my best friends last night. It was sooooooo much fun. And next Monday I get to start playing a new game called Eclipse Phase with my friends, too!
– Generally feeling more balanced, and more ‘myself’ – new things are all happening at once, so Roleplaying and Roller Derby (my two main hobbies) feel more balanced and even. And I saw a Science talk which made me feel really, really good. I think I need some science in my life.
– Random adventures! Me and my friend went for a drive for no reason at all, and we had delicious food at the end of it!
The Hard:
I did something to make my intestines not do their job properly. I’ve been trying to fix it with foods and with my mind (since I think that’s where it started) but it’s still not right. Going to try ginger tea and kitchari (bastmati rice and mung beans) and see what that does.
The Good:
It’s cold now! Just the right fall chill in the air. Perfect for corduroys, scarves, boots. No more sweating!
I thought I had to go into Boston today for an all day seminar that involved a giant room, and the train, and no tables in the room or outlets (when the only book we had was electronic) and I think that is part of what made me sick, the thinking about the going. But then yesterday I found the same class (which I need for work) as a WEBINAR next Friday! Which means I can be in my house and learning and not traveling by train and getting up at 5am. Heaven!
Lots of cleaning to be done in the house today which means clean house!
Just enough work to do today to keep the day flowing. And then allow for complete relaxation for 3 days.
Hello chooks!
@Havi – wow, shiva nata for the win! (which at first I accidentally typed in as “for the wine”, which is also pretty good…)
@Rhiannon – congrats! I’ve been thinking lately on the word “engaged”, as in connected, and how I don’t like the corporate-speak (audience engagement blah blah) but I do like the IDEA and then I remembered that when two pieces of the the space station are engaged it means they’re properly connected and it all fits together beautifully like they were made for each other and now everyone will survive because there is enough oxygen etc. So I am visualising you as a space station!
Me. Ahem.
Hard shtuff.
– Right. Following on from where I left off last week (the extra cursing edition) there was some foetal pozzie under the blankets deep breathing and releasing of the pain of the entire world and all history.
But actually that should probably come under the good shtuff because it was a great reminder that no matter how bad you’re feeling you can surrender it and let it flow through your particular little point of consciousness and you don’t have to HOLD it, and that we’re all part of the network, matrix, one-ness, all-that-is, fountain, everything-ness and everything is big enough to hold it (obviously) so
youONE doesn’t have to.Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh.
– Heard this morning that a past colleague/friend had died recently, when I hadn’t even heard she’d got sick again and it took me by surprise. After hearing about another friend’s cancer diagnosis on Monday. And grieving for three friends who lost immediate family members last year and are still grieving. And knowing two more people I care about who are caring for people living with cancer and/or the after-effects.
And hating cancer with a passion…
– And saying so on the internet, but with an extra helping of cursing because (I have watched too much South Park) it helps me express my emotions (no judgement thanks, it does) (I would SO be a swearing Tourettesian!) and thinking it would get a bunch of high-five, yeah baby, I hear ya sister “likes” and it didn’t…..
And feeling stoopid for using language that can build barriers rather than just being clear about “I am sad and angry and sad and frustrated and sad and can I get some endorsement and acknowledgement that cancer sucks please”.
And also feeling irritated that other people see barriers instead of pleas for acknowledgement. And irritatingly suspicious that people want me to be sweet and beige and LESS INTENSE and I’m NOT sweet and beige nor do I have any *freaking* interest in being so, and isn’t that a GOOD thing? Garlic? Chilli? Dark chocolate? Shiraz? Or… mashed potato?…………
And knowing that it doesn’t REALLY matter, except thinking that it probably does a BIT because I don’t want my “blaaaaaaaah, this is me, as I am, right now” self-expressions to be violent and HURT-EY. Because THAT’S not me either…. *sigh*
– obsessing about that for most of the day today
– after having successfully dissolved my procrastination and actually sat down at my jobwebby desk this morning without feeling tangled in a bunch of jobwebs!!
DAMN!!! Another day of work I have to catch up on now!!!!
So cancer basically ruined my day, and I don’t even HAVE IT nor does anyone in my IMMEDIATE vicinity, which is ANOTHER reason why cancer can go and eat shit and die.
– sorry.
– spending resources when
I shouldit would be kinder to myself to save them up for later.– not putting in the time to make the most of some of the resources I’ve invested in that would also be kind to myself to use. This “self-care” issue is doggone tangled. Urrrghghgghgh. Bored with my own crap.
RAAAAHHHRRR
Good shtuff
+ schripituality. See above about the network, matrix, one-ness, fountain, collective consciousness, om baby, AND also the Freckled Brilliance blog. Cos there’s gold in that there blog. (Theologically obsessed atheistic agnostic yogini finds fellow lonely theologian! Yay!)
+ everything. EVERYTHING is good. Really, it is. I’m a living point of consciousness in the midst of the matrix of everything-ness and that means that as well as letting the pain flow through me rather than trying to hold it I can let all the good stuff in too. That’s the thing about everything, it holds EVERYTHING. And I can tune in to that too. Can’t hold the good stuff either but can let it in, and that’s… marvellous.
C’est magnifique.
xoxo
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Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard:
– 3rd burglary in my office at work … this time they took my personal laptop computer. One. Giant. Hassle.
– not enough sleep and having a cold
– being “appointed” to a committee that meets every Friday (what kind of committee needs to meet once a week???? and on a Friday afternoon????)
The Good:
– 3 yoga classes and a massage to kick off the week
– my very best friend is coming to town tonight
– getting better at taking pauses
le temps de poulet! (CHICKEN TIME! IN FRENCH! JUST TO SHAKE THINGS UP! NEXT TIME I’LL SAY IT IN RUSSIAN!)
@Rhiannon and @Claire P.
Oh, I am so so so so familiar with the massive ISSUES with the word ‘engagement’ and ‘marriage’. Have too much to say about it, will be a blog post one day and will nudge y’all toward it.
The GOOD:
Cutting my work hours down to 30 from 40 and automatically seeing my productivity skyrocket, learning that, OH, actually it’s not the work itself but the fact that I am doing ONE thing full time. not ADD-compatible. Going in the Book of Me.
Starting my blog, working through my ‘writer’ issues, and the absolutely miraculous phenomenon of having people come READ it and COMMENT that are SMARTER than me. Craaaazy. (I’m not surprised that there are people out there who are smarter than me — I’m surprised that they read what I write and think that it makes sense and say nice things to me about it. That’s just NUTS.)
Learning that me not being [someone I thought I wanted to be like] is a good thing. in fact, an EXCELLENT thing.
Having gone to meditation class for the first time ever! And noticing that writing about experiences is the only way to do justice to any experience.
The HARD:
Residual stucknesses around giving myself permission to be more fully who I am.
Learning to letting go. And let go again. And then let go some more.
Dealing with monies.
The weather getting colder and all my seasonal depressive shit coming back. TIME TO THINK ABOUT PATTERNS!
HAPPY WEEKEND!
Wishing progress and good stuff for everyone–and a restful weekend!
THE HARD:
Home. Home is having problems. First there’s this big mold problem, then we get broken into and some stuff stolen, then our bedframe breaks at night while we are in bed. Plus, now, will having a motion-sensing alarm system mean we have to sneak around in our own house at night?
SO MUCH TO DO associated with the break-in and etc. Alarm system to buy, renter’s insurance to get, plan for replacing stolen computer to be made, etc., etc. This goddamn apartment just keeps getting more and more expensive.
Me, discipline, procrastination, being late, bad eating, lack of exercise, profligate spending. I’m super frustrated with myself from the “get it together!” taking-the-long-view standpoint and ALSO super frustrated with myself from the rebellious, deprived-feeling standpoint. Uuuuuugh. Not sure where the progress is going to come from.
THE GOOD:
Something is happening to my relationship with my dad. It’s good.
Feeling weirdly open to the idea of (eventually) moving to Bolivia. Normally I feel the opposite and then hate myself, so, while yes, I should probably be working on the hating rather than on the Bolivia-friendliness, some influx of new stuff into the situation is good.
Do you know what I love? James Herriot’s books. I devoured one this week and it took the edge off the bad stuff.
Our landlords just keep springing into action! They are wonderful people. Moving on problems as soon as those problems arise.
Break-in could have been much more extensive/devastating. The fact that so many windows are painted over–which has really been pissing me off as I try to air out the mold–kept the thieves from coming in three out of the four sides of the apartment. And now we have bars on the fourth side. So…I’m having an easy time seeing the good, actually. And thank a god 90% of what was on my computer is stored in Dropbox/Amazon Cloud Drive. I cannot say how freaked out I would be if this were not the case.
Finding out about “scanner”ism! This so perfectly explains many things I have always thought about myself. More goodness to come from this, I am sure.
@Rhiannon: *enjoying your glee at making up the details*
@seagirl: *sympathizes re tangled gut*
@ShimmerGeek: Science! *happy pompoms*
My hard stuff:
* feeling fretful/apprehensive about long-term cash flow
* frustration w/inability to complete flips in mid-air (ghosts of gym classes past, hello)
* nasty headache precluding hanging out with my sweetie during weekend getaway
* much cursing and wailiness related to clutter
* unhappy with gym, sinuses, self, and others re various degrees of feeling let down and/or unappeasable and/or toxic
My good stuff:
* ziplines! Upside down and hands free, booyah!
* significant progress decluttering
* assorted unexpected/informative/affirming/helpful/entertaining/revealing interactions
* progress with Greek
* progress with work
* my new wristlet is fierce and fun
* squash casserole, watermelon radishes, and other yummy eats
Shabbat shalom, all y’all.
I think I might have accidentally slept through four days of this week, in some weird fairy tale like happening, it went so fast.
And the shiva nata extra maths edition is kind of breaking my brain just thinking about it.
The hard:
The early part of this week. So much angst and discouragement and tooth gnashing and tears. Including finding out I hadn’t got an interview when I spent a ridiculous amount of hours on the form. People throwing shoes. Extra helpings of ‘there’s no point! I’m Doooooooooooooomed!’ all round.
Weird coding glitchiness.
The good:
Deciding to stop trying to do everything at once – and actually doing so. Deciding to stop giving myself a hard time about not achieving everything I could do, at the same time – and actually doing so. Deciding to enjoy the extra time I have at the moment – and actually doing so.
Spending this afternoon gallivanting in woodland.
The beautiful weather – I love the honey-ish light at this time of year when the weather is good.
Deciding to take some time yesterday afternoon to read my book in the garden in the sunshine with a cup of peppermint tea.
Finally seem to have got to the bottom of what I need to do for my uni assignment.
Went to a writers networky thing last night and had a great time and met some intersting people.
The KT, which made the horrendous suckyness of the first part of the week so much more bearable.
Ideas, little bubbley ideas…and feeling that it’s ok to let them bubble and that I don’t have to try and force them to be all grown up before they are ready.
I still like the person who still likes me. Yay!
Yay for all the chickeneers, hoping fabulousness visits everyones weekends.
Congratulations Rhiannon!
And Claire, I’m sorry to hear about your friend.
@ Havi, I understand the needing to sleep for two weeks. I slept for 15 hours straight on Sunday night. Went to bed at 7pm and woke up at 10.30am. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your rest 🙂
***The Hard***
– i broke my blog on Monday… it is not yet fixed. I clicked the “autoinstall” for the wordpress update and now it is broken. And I am short sighted did not have a recent backup of my blog. I do not know how to fix it.
– No gym on Wednesday. No yoga all week.
– Looked for, but did not find elbow pads for my bike. (just go with it. I need them or cannot ride my bike).
***The Good***
– Gave blood yesterday. I feel like a good person after doing this.
– *ahem* this is here, but I’m keeping it a private little hyphen mark.
– amazing dream that i am hoping to turn into an awesome story
– i remembered about ralan.com and how it has writing markets. I want to send short stories to these markets/contests.
– Grama’s b-day went well with no mention of Bolivia. This is progress.
****The Both*** (I know it’s not normally a category, but bear with me)
– sending an email to the professor that agreed to let me audit his class. IDK why this was so hard, but it is huge goodness as it will be part of my transition back into school. I’m super excited and terrified about going back to school, which as Havi explains somewhere around here makes perfect sense. It’s what I want, but ooh boy is it a scary big change. I’ve been angsting over sending that email all week and finally did it this morning. So, yay super excited and super scared.
– sleeping 15 hours on Sunday night/Monday morning and resting – this was good and restful and maybe just recovery from a jam packed weekend, but it also made me concerned about my health.
Happy news, Rhiannon — congratulations!
Let’s Chicken!
This week’s hard:
– Sinuses. Head. Ow. Fending off some evil sickness.
– Stuck on how to get some movement on dealing with tears of frustration. Feeling frustrated because I’m crying over something totally stupid that I recognize is totally stupid and not tearworthy but the tears come anyway which makes me more frustrated which makes more tears which blah-blah-blah vicious cycle. There’s some weird wiring in my head somewhere.
– It’s sinking in that the summer has flown by, and with it my window of opportunity to get some big outdoor projects done. Regretting not having organized my time better.
This week’s good:
– Made the leap and bought the iPad. The more I play, the more I see so many different ways this can do some really, really cool things to help my businesses.
– I have a show this weekend and had originally thought I’d have to scramble to make more stuff, but I had forgotten about two trays, so I have plenty and haven’t felt rushed to create in volume this week.
– Rhythm and flow in my week. I love it when things fall together neatly and I don’t feel like I’m scrambling or overwhelmed.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
The Hard
–9/11.
–A migraine.
–An extra helping of anxiety.
The Good
–The start of the NFL season
–My 49ers actually won their first game
–Fall is beginning to flirt with my area (high 80s-low 90s, whoo-hoo!)
@Claire P: Wow! I’m SO IMPRESSED with how strongly you feel and your brilliant clarity in expressing it. How could people not get it? Except that when one feels something strongly and express it clearly, it seems to scare other people. It doesn’t matter how you express it, if they don’t want to deal with your situation or your feelings — or with their own — they back away from you/it/them.
I don’t rant and curse about the illness that is destroying my husband’s body or the mental illness that afflicts our adopted son, his birth mother, and now his wife. But when I describe factually what I’m dealing with, it shuts down the conversation. Some people, meaning to be supportive, say things like “I really admire you” or “I can’t imagine what it’s like” or — worse, “I know just what you’re going through because {something irrelevant happened to someone I know}”. But no matter what they say, they really just DON’T WANT TO KNOW so please, Vicki, put a good face on it and don’t make us uncomfortable.
ARRRGH!
Sigh.
Okay, so that’s the background of my life. On to the chicken:
The Good:
+ I’ve been at Rally and it was magical! Figuring things out, realizations, insights, epiphanies. Yay!
+ Other people’s comments, observations, epiphanies at Rally that are useful for me to remember, like one person who decided instead of writing Pro and Con, she would list Yay! and Yuk! So much better.
+ I can take this home with me and use it to make things better.
+ MrB was with me at Rally. He’s very easy for me to be with. (@Rhiannon, I wish you 100 years of happiness, which is what MrB and I have shared so far.)
+ Space in the hotel room so we weren’t tripping over each other’s belongings.
The Hard:
– Pain. Walking making it worse. Pain medication making me sleepy.
– MrB took a tumble at the bus stop and banged himself up pretty badly. Not knowing whether to take him to the doc-in-the-box or to call our doctor.
– A couple of weird interactions with my sister over the phone this week that felt unpleasant, as if she were silently throwing shoes.
Wow. You folks are REALLY cool. I mean it.
@Havi – YAY for YESYESYES!
@ Rhiannon – name it what you will, I am thrilled for you. I think a honeymoon in the sewers sounds PERFECT.
@seagirl – I am SO with you on “no more sweating!” I am so relieved I don’t have to carry a sweat-hanky anymore.
@ClaireP – Forgiveness for saying whatever you need to say concerning cancer. as someone who has, just in this past yr, lost a family member and almost lost a boss and has a mother on the verge of losing a beloved boss… I curse and bite my thumb at cancer as well. *hug*
@Jane – it has been code hell for me as well. I actually cried.
@Lori – YAY iPAD! I dislike quoting Martha, but really, it’s a good thing.
@VickiB – silent support and love.
And now, the me…I’m going to just post the strongest signals here, but it will be so enough.
Hard:
– Command-line programming.
I cried out of sheer fury and frustration three days this week. Yes. Three days.
– No money to bring the lovelyman here.
I want him to move in in December! But no money to accomplish that! We both have healthstuffs that suck down the cash.
– No time to get the space set up for the lovelyman to move.
I made a commitment to make space, but the problem is that I need time to make space, and time keeps getting hoovered up by work and by commitments to friends and birthdays.
– This means I have no time for my own self-gardening.
Aaaaaagh!
– A very close friend going through a VERY dramatic and unpleasant divorce
Their joint therapist had to tell the the soon-to-be-exhusband that “it’s not 1952.” We’ve had to buy her a laptop and a phone so that she can talk to us without fear of her soon-ex taking her comments out of context and blocking our phone numbers. He has already shut off her email and started stalking her cell phone. We’ve also gotten her art out of the house and into storage, etc etc. It’s sad it has come to this. My circle of friends is all jointly very scared.
– No health insurance.
This is rankling. Heavily. To get health insurance as an individual & as someone who has a pre-existing condition means over $600 a month.
– Weight. And concomitant over-sweating.
Oh come ON, body. This is getting ridonkulous.
– Week-long UTI
TMI, but, there it is.
Good:
– I’m writing!
Not as much as I want, but still! Movement! The sloooow bud unfolding!! This Good basically matches 10x any Hard entries.
– The nasty job has morphed into an awesome job
The job unpleasantness has retreated, because I’m now not working on the main product – I’m instead working with a client who I am enjoying a great deal. If I could work with this client forever I’d be super-happy. Even the 2x weekly 2-hr commute can’t suppress the glee.
– Blind old-puppila is responding better.
We had a bit of drama last week, but this week things seems to be progressing well.
– Writing-site design is progressing
The gentleman I’d chosen to make my site design took a long while, but he has come up with something I am thrilled with… to the point where I’m thinking of adopting one facet of it (if it evolves the way I expect) as a tattoo. YAY!
– General delight at having my NYCrew friends back
The messed-up thing about the divorce is that all the original friend-group peeps that existed before she got married gelled together again, and we’re suddenly calling each other ALL THE TIME. I credit my abrupt ability to write to that kind of infusion of old inspiring awesome people.
I’ll stop there. There’s more, but I’m so super-grateful for a lot of small things right now.
Loads of love and wishes for ease and tenderness to you all.
Chicken! I love to see the chicken announcement on Twitter because that means I’ve/we’ve survived another week! YaY Chickeneers!
The Hard:
*another vote for I can haz lots and lots of sleep now?
*the pointless meetings
*waiting for the impending increase in workload to be caused by coworker’s impending trip to Bolivia but not knowing when so being on edge all the time
The Good:
*YaY autumn!!!
*Lovely costume party on my blog (Huge thanks to the folks from here who attended!)
*Started a Book of the Project for something at work — should make the next project cycle MUCH easier if I can keep it up.
And I totally thought of a The Both when I read Melissa’s Chicken, but then I got distracted in the middle of writing this and now it’s completely gone. Oh wait! There it is!
The Both:
*After an insane amount of research, I think I know why I’m exhausted all the time. It’s theoretically fixable with a few years of fairly specific extreme self-care, but I don’t know where I’m going to get the energy.
Happy Weekend!
The hard:
-My dad and I have been living together for the past couple months. We’re starting to get more “comfortable” with each other, so we’re not being as careful not to watch what we say, which in a healthy relationship would be a good thing, but we don’t have a healthy relationship. So the piece that’s hard is: maintaining healthy boundaries with my dad, but having to do it ninja-style so that he doesn’t know I’m maintaining boundaries, because he can get dangerous-angry if he finds out I have boundaries. (I know it’s not a healthy situation, but it’s the best I’ve got at the moment, so I’m trying to just accept the learning experience and take away from it what I can.)
-I’m waiting to hear about a job I really want. I’ve been waiting for almost a month now. I know they haven’t made a decision yet, so I know the “yes” I’m hoping for is still out there, but it’s SO hard to wait and I want this job SO much.
-The two aforementioned circumstances have congealed to create for me a high level of anxiety about my finances. I’m feeling like I have to say “no” to things and alter my usual spending habits (which are already extremely frugal) to keep myself safe and solvent.
-I’m dealing with some really awkward and uncomfortable health shit. And I’m having trouble getting support for it because it feels really personal and private, and so I don’t want to tell people that I’m dealing with it. (This is, at least in part, because I’m having a hard enough time dealing with my own emotions about it, and I don’t also want to have to deal with my friends’ emotional reactions.)
-The body image issues that go along with the awkward and uncomfortable health shit.
-There was a library staff person YELLING at a patron. Made the patron cry. Almost made ME cry, from all the way across the library. I don’t care WHAT the patron was doing. It clearly didn’t involve a loaded gun or a lit match. It made me not want to go to that library anymore, and libraries are my Real World Safe Places.
The good:
-I GOT MY SHIVA NATA DVD IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY!! And it had the sweetest little handwritten Havi note in it that made my heart so happy. And it’s so much harder than it looks, which is making me weirdly happy for some reason, too.
-I won a free massage! My friend had a contest, to name her new massage website, and I won. Free massage!
-I’ve been doing a good job of meeting my goals for posting on my new blog, and my other writing projects as well.
-I made seitan for the first time! It came out DEE LICIOUS. I made a cool arugula-walnut sauce for the first batch, which came out okay, and then I made seitan noodle soup which came out AMAZING and tasted a lot like my grandma’s matzoh ball soup except with wee seitan balls instead of big fat matzoh balls. It made me very happy.
-I started getting acupuncture last week. Oh, my god. I LOVE ACUPUNCTURE. I lay down in a comfy chair, someone lovingly sticks me full of needles, I take a nap and/or meditate for as long as I want…AMAZING. Community Acupuncture is one of the best ideas humanity has ever had.
-I’ve been reading a lot of really awesome books. I’ve been really purposeful about creating conditions to get me to read more this year, by banning myself from buying books (which I discovered doesn’t lead to me reading the books; it leads to me going “I’ll read this later” and not reading it), keeping a list of books I want to read, jumping around between different genres and topics, and setting a reasonably stretchy goal (20-30 new books this year).
-I invented a vegan fried cheese recipe! I’m pretty excited about this.
hard = recovering from brain rewiring after aforementioned shiva nata. and rally. and everything.
thinking about normal stuff like money and bills and arrangements and dealing with phone calls from my mother.
I did silent retreat two friends who don’t know what that means. The rally magic must still be twinkling because they left me to it.
good = the brain rewiring after shiva nata…
spending time with my kids and laughing our heads off.
finding an apple scented candle and admiring a polystyrene bust who is currently sporting one on my hats. She looks fab.
downloading all kinds of perfectly formed tools and ideas to achieve what I need to from the rallyverse.
realising the intro to my blog kind of describes (in a way meaningful for me) rally culture. Oh. curious!
coffee served by a guy who gave me a Hiro sigh plus fracta art plus a mug with a rally project-relevant image, all at PDX. Travel joy!
I am starting with one good thing: I bought a beautiful hydrangea flower two weeks ago and I am looking at it right now and its pink petals are still beautifully unblemished.
The hard:
– OMG, sooooo tired. New job, constant interaction, people visiting.
– My back gets too little attention and doesn’t like it.
– The bitch in the personel department who is responsible for my new contract and related paperwork is freaking me out with all the red tape.
– My new boss revealed her unpleasant side.
– Corporate blahblah by new boss despite in working in a theatre.
– Appartment desperately needs cleaning.
The good:
– I am settling into the new work well and enjoying it.
– People seem to appreciate me and my work.
– Starting to have fun with some new colleagues. Our making fun of the corporate blahblah.
– My totally sovereign reaction to unpleasant moment with my new boss.
– Getting such wonderfully sweet emails from my ex-colleagues who say how the miss me being around.
– A 2 1/2 hour yoga workshop finishing with a sort of moving meditation to the beautiful “Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung” mantra sang by Snatam Kaur. Such a centering experience.
– Husband back from very unsafe place next week.
– It is the weekend and I have declared Sunday hermit island day.
Ooooooh what a nice space of reflection… let’s see…
I think I need to start with the Good.
The Good
Helped to host a really amazing spore for Evolver Pittsburgh for which I made hot pepper ginger brownies with fudge sauce and ice cream– footage of our trippy conversation about the nature of language may be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urFkzTgJYX4
I taught my class at the University of Pittsburgh how to eat a poem like a hit of acid, to the delight of all
The Difficult
I struggled with my sexuality (as in– how to inhabit it fully and yet responsibly)
I think I need to learn CSS and HTML. I totally keep avoiding learning CSS and HTML.
Yay!
Carolyn
This is how “my” week made me feel:
One time, I went to this hallowed writers’ conference in New England. It was scary. Very AMAZING and AFFECTING. There were real-life gurus there. People who guru’d me. (Which sounds bad though it is the opposite.) But scary.
By the end of it, I was a-tremble. In a good way and in a bad way. Just like kind of: raw.
Anyway. One of the gurus (a guru to others, but not to me) was on the little bus-van type thing that took a handful of us to the airport. I mean, it’s not like the lady was/is Joyce Carol Oates or anything but she’s a pretty well-known guru-ish writer-type-person.
I just kind of had my head on the window. Catatonic-like. I knew said guru-lady was on the bus, but that was neither here nor there to me.
But it was here AND there to a couple of ladies sitting in the row immediately in front of her. They were still in conference mode and you could kind of tell they were like, OMFG! It’s guru writer lady and WHAT ARE THE CHANCES that she’s on the bus back to the airport with us?!
Long story short(er) they kept trying to chat with her but they weren’t taking the monosyllabic cues that clearly indicated guru writer lady was just absolutely spent and she wanted nothing of their conversations.
[PS: I’d witnessed guru writer lady working with her students throughout the eleven (11-FRICKING-DAYS!) day conference, and she was always exceedingly gracious, generous, present, and totally spot-on.]
Finally guru writer lady says: “You know, I guess I’m feeling very non-verbal right now.”
Nothing but the non-verbal chug of the motor for all of us, all the rest of the way to the airport. That and my boisterous (if internal) F-CK YEAH, GURU WRITER LADY!
I mean, I got a LOT out of that conference, but that moment was a majorly instructive moment for me. Like, as a teacher and a learner and, you know, as a HUMAN.
Because that’s how the gurus are, man. Even when they aren’t being gurus — like, even when they’re actively saying: I’m NOT your guru right now — they’re still being gurus.
I mean. I don’t know: *I* was guru’d in that moment. I really hope those other ladies were too, even though I expect they may have been a little embarrassed in the moment.
So. I tell that story because that’s how I feel about this week. Non-verbal. (Kind of in an exhausted way but also in a happy-to-be-humbled way too. Also in a: you know, I did the work. Work I love. Exhilarating work. Work that opened me to the world. And so, yes: I happily cede the floor to non-verbal Me.)
(Also I feel guru’d. In the best way.)
(Also I feel happy for Rhiannon, who I met at Rally! and who is awesome.)
@Helen — voting “Rallyverse” the best new word of the week!
Awww, thanks everyone. 🙂