In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Sneaky, sneaky Friday! There you are.
This was a really weird and crazy week for me.
I haven’t decided yet which parts were good and which parts were hard, but that’s why we’re chickening. Let’s do this.
The hard stuff
Old pain. Having to work through it.
Hard hard hard.
Sadness.
Sometimes I miss my friend who is dead so much that I can hardly stand it.
And I want to tell him things. Nothing important or meaningful.
Just stuff.
The in-between drying season of nothing drying.
In the winter, I put the drying rack over the heating vent, and everything dries quickly. In the summer, it’s warm and everything dries quickly.
Now we’re in that in-between thing, and I have nothing to wear because everything I own is spread out over the living room in a state of not-quite-dry.
Indecision. And then all the other problems caused by that.
I put off a bunch of decisions this week because I just wasn’t in the head-space for it.
And now I have to deal with the fall-out.
The phone! Aaaaaaaagh.
So the iPhone is not just not-working. It is apparently unfixable.
Then I delayed another decision (what to do about it, when to upgrade).
And I was too late and now there won’t be a new phone for a few weeks.
And being without a phone for a week means seventeen billion (by monster-count) voice mail messages and I don’t want to listen to any of them!
HIDING. NOW.
Timing and pressures.
After three weeks of trying to get information from the derby girls about sponsorship at Championships, we get the specs.
Aaaaaaaand the ad for the program is due the following day.
Luckily my graphic designer is amazing, brilliant, speedy and always puts my stuff first. And luckily I am really good at writing copy. Off the top of my head.
Because otherwise we would have been screwed. But it was still way too stressful. And then dealing with the derby world brings up all my stuff from the yoga world, so there’s more to work on there.
Sometimes I want to run awaaaaaaaaaay.
Sometimes a lot.
Being surprised.
I was unexpectedly thrust into doing something that I wasn’t prepared for.
(It was fun and I’m glad I did it. But the way in which it happened was not supportive of me and didn’t give me what I needed to be able to do it and remain present/stable.)
The recovery time for that took a lot longer because of not getting time and space for conscious entry. Even having a minute or two would have changed the entire experience.
Still hurt and angry about something that is over.
I thought I was done with it but then I had a dream that reminded me. Not done. Very much not done.
The good stuff
Music.
The most beautiful haunting violin performance that split my heart in two and revealed another heart underneath.
Wow.
Help and support.
Lots of amazing help from Juno — without her I don’t think we’d ever have heard back from the Continental Divide & Conquer. The event we’ve been trying to sponsor.
Casey gave me her old phone to use in the meantime so that I am no longer phoneless.
The First Mate has been working overtime and being unbelievably great.
I might have a new helper mouse person in my life, and this is going to make everything better!
Sukkot.
The festival of blanket forts!
I am really loving this right now.
Dancing.
I love it.
Things working out.
Lots of perfect simple solutions showing up out of nowhere.
Fall!
Crisp air, crunchy leaves, sweaters!
The Board of Surprisers call on Monday.
I had been pretty nervous about meeting with my Board of Surprisers.
We did Show & Tell, which is my new metaphor for “presentations”.
I told them all about the new changes in my business for next year, and they were ENTHUSIASTIC.
It was so full of fun and laughter. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a meeting like that before.
Feeling grateful and happy.
No really, I am a crazed genius!
Which is even better than being an unlikely business savant, because there’s more rainbow confetti.
Between the shivanautical epiphanies and the new systems I’ve been implementing, things are changing in the most silly and beautiful ways.
I’ll be able to tell you more when I’ve done some more Show & Tell sessions with the Enthusiastic but the point is: feeling really good about where the pirate ship is headed and all of our new adventures.
Amazing things happening at the Kitchen Table.
I am seriously in awe of the progress people are making.
Bath time and other reassuring rituals.
It all helps.
Sweetness.
Lovely cards and gifts in the mail from Leni and Kylie and Maryann and Char.
THANK YOU.
The fun part of the Chickening happens here.
Tabstravaganza! Or: what’s Havi been up to with all those open Firefox tabs?
This wonderful post from Eve.
This from Briana (she let five-year-old-her take over her yoga class, and it’s awesome).
As if I wasn’t already completely in love with @harto from My Drunk Kitchen, this video: show me where ya noms at. ADORABLE.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated āpeople will hate me and be jealousā to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band might be my favorite band ever. Ever!
Public Anemone
They’re loud and kind of floaty at the same time. Shows are happening all weekend so check them out.
Though, of course, it’s really it’s just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- Reminder! Plum Duff days (password: extraraisins) end MONDAY.
- Rally prices have to go up soon. Take a look at the 2012 schedule and make a Gwish about when/how.
- The Art of Embarking is really soon. And really great.
I think that’s everything? If not, I’ll add stuff to the Very Personal Ads this weekend.
That’s it for me ā¦
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
the Hard:
-two solid weeks of doing ALL the things–every house and child related task was mine to cherish.
-unable to stay sober or get to a meeting
-constant intrusive thought abut my fucked up marraige
-that i know is part valid and part old crap, but which part is which?
-the sudden, predictable, shoulda seen it coming death of my lil coven and MILES of silent space from K because i’m only half sure why
-la casa esta SQUALID, which means i get the joy of livivng in casa squalid plus
-extra value added! shame and psychic disapproval because the house is MY JOB
-frozen dinners for lunch. sigh.
-bullying on my oldest kid escalating. have urged Lu to self advocate for years. had to alert teachers and principal this morning.
-not my best work week
-even my hair is tired
the good:
-beautiful weather
-piney creek by my office, where the bed is deep and rocky and therefore perfect for sitting next to
-and pouring honey into
-and watching lil blue dragonflies MATING as i pour honey into the water
-and the golden leaves dropping
-employed husband
-mostly happy kids
-a job i can do
-happy mojos
-Guidance
-avocado
-the stunning full moon, seeing it at dawn as she’s going to bed
-Havi coming to denver!
-having Level one arms, legs and squares click, for one brief shining moment before i fell over.
Ohhhhwhataweek.
The hard:
uncertainty. I despise uncertainty. Which is funny and ironic, but still, there it is.
the thing I do that usually settles me had too much unsettling energy and even though in principle I’m in favor of these things, in practice when I need my settling-down thing, I WANT IT MY WAY. .ahem.
not-findingness of the office space. I’m sure there’s a reason. There must be some bigger puzzle for which this is a piece. But right now, oy.
wanting very badly to do something and discovering that it is Simply Not The Right Time. dammit.
random anxiety! For no good reason! argh! Needing magics for taming said anxiety. Also, unidentified feelings of grief. Enough! Feelings, either show yourselves or GO AWAY!
Standing on shifting sands. Is hard. And sometimes you fall down.
The good:
yay extra amazing happy clients!
making The Iguana Appointment which is going to help me take care of myself in the long run. Also, two other Iguana appointments that might help me spread the word about my practice.
a very-nearly perfect schedule this week (except for the limited lunch break)
sweatshirts.
walking in the drizzle and not getting cold. also not running out of phone battery until I was back home.
sweet notes that made me cry. and realize something. not sure what to do with it yet. but realizing is useful.
friends. ohmygod, good friends.
next year in Jerusalem…
Boker tov, Friday. You’re not nearly as scary/awful/strung-out as I feared you would be. (You’re also not as ease-full as I’d hoped, and we’re not quite out of the woods yet. But it still feels very much like progress.)
Hard:
* Feeling taken for granted in certain circles
* Seeing a friend reject throwlines out of longtime stuck
* Professional jealousy. And its cousin, sorrow for missed opportunities.
* Feeling simultaneously daunted and impatient about the to-dos and timelines ahead.
Good:
* It’s looking like I may get to celebrate Simchat Torah twice next week. In two different countries. Books + dancing = happy Mechaieh
* As lay leader, I got to announce the opening of my church’s long-anticipated social area from the pulpit, twice. A thrill! š
* Some helpful discussions –> unanticipated confirmations/revelations. Feeling more clear about the to-dos and timelines.
* Tickets received and refund processed = three noisy little anxiety gremlins off my shoulders.
* Seeing my big sis for a bit. And she brought this gallon of very tasty cider.
* More details re March 2012 poetry reading in place
* Some get-togethers with some dear people ahead.
* Poetry mojo knocking at the door. And for the next six weeks, I get to give it more time.
Wishing everyone sunshine and starlight and blankets. š
There is surely something in the air this week. Rocky, turbulent energy or something, it seems to be going around…
The Hard
* I’m working with a delusional person. I have to cater to their condescending ego and somehow sidestep the delusions and keep a lot of secrets. Not able to connect to the heart of what this person wants, or being made to feel guilty/wrong for being confused about the whole thing.
* Echo guilt and shame from the past. Unresolvedness.
* The incredibly stupid Wednesday of stupidity.
* Not being able to take time to rest early in the week when my cold was at its worst.
* Body sovereignty issues. Again, more, still. Saying no and trying to withstand the physical waves of pain and revulsion and discomfort that come after.
* Perhaps with all of the above, it’s more understandable that I drank more wine than I intended one night, and it was uncomfortable and I regretted it and then I did it again the next night. Ow.
The very, very good
+ The ballet last Sunday! So beautiful and good.
+ Instituting snack o’clock
+ Getting excited about future work plans!! For my day job! This is unusual! And exciting! And good!
+ New allies at work
+ Dancing in the kitchen. Stretching in the dark.
+ Taking Thursday off for blanket forts, rest, and crazyawesomeprogress on my projects
+ Potato gratin
+ Pumpkin patch adventures planned for tomorrow!
+ Slow, quiet Fridays
+ Continuing practice with noticing the entrances and exits and giving them love and peace
Hello, Friday. Where did you come from?
This week’s hard:
– More dental work. More owies. The crunchy foods I prefer are completely out of the question for a while.
– Another week of slow going, workwise. Sometimes it feels like projects are like gas, expanding to take up all available space. Something that should take two hours takes all day if I don’t have anything else scheduled that day.
This week’s good:
– Soup! Soup is yummy but not crunchy! And it’s the perfect time of year for it.
– Great meeting with the artist friend with whom I’ll be doing an open house in two weeks.
– Amazingly beautiful fall color all of a sudden. Even with the rain and the gloom and the impending cold weather, it makes me happy.
– Snuggly kittens. Even the one that isn’t normally snuggly curled up on my lap to watch TV with me the afternoon after my root scraping.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
the hard :
-Receiving an unkindly-toned email which was ABOUT me, but definitely not meant to be sent TO me, from someone I considered a friend (or at least a friendly acquaintance).
-Realizing that the repeated plan-canceling by a particular friend has reached the point of qualifying as a Pattern, which the friend is at least willing to acknowlege, but doesn’t seem easily able to change that pattern. Accepting that, while I know it’s really not about me, it’s still stressful for me, and balancing that with my strong desire to share time with my friend.
-Missing an opportunity to attend a “share your favorite spiritual practices” event with my Quaker community due to being stuck in traffic for OVER AN HOUR. (I was going to show them the basics of Shiva Nata!)
-Receiving an email from a friend asking me for support, when this friend has not been responding to any of my communications asking him for support (of which there have been several over the last month or so)
-Struggling to maintain good boundaries with a family member who believes they are entitled to know everything I do, and also believes that if I choose not to tell them everything I do, I must be doing something WRONG.
-Struggling to motivate myself to do things that I “should” do.
-Accepting the limitations that having a shortage of money creates.
-Feeling anxious about how to build social connections with a new community with whom I feel like I have very little in common other than the activity we do together (singing).
-Procrastinated a writing project that I wish I hadn’t (and could still do, but…still haven’t)
the good:
-Finished a huge 3-month long journaling project AND did a great job of doing “wrap-up” on that project instead of just running off to the next project and leaving the loose ends hanging
-Adding an extra self-care activity to my daily routine
-Practiced Shiva Nata more times this week than last week!
-Practiced meditation several times this week
-Blogged EVERY DAY about vegan food for VeganMoFo, and kept up my goal of commenting on 5 other people’s blogs each day as well
-Promoted my blog outside of my usual “comfortable” circles and experienced my writing improving as my awareness of my potential audience expanded!
-Made a lot of delicious food and connections with other people making delicious food
-Volunteered to join a group from my Quaker meeting wanting to plan a simple meal for Thanksgiving with awareness of food ethics
-Had my first rehearsal with my NEW SINGING GROUP
-Worked on my Dammit! list
-Figured out how to clean something that I was afraid was permanently stained (literally, not metaphorically!)
-Finished a project I’ve been procrastinating for weeks
-Worked on practicing Radical Release
So delighted to hear about the violin performance – I tend to swoon wildly at violins, so I have the little empathy-shiver going on, even though I can’t have any idea what it was like š
Hard:
– Ants! AIGH! Tiny wee ants all over everything. They are ignoring the ant traps. Vacuuming isn’t helping. I have cinnamon everywhere and it’s all a mess. I had to shake the futon cover. Ugh ugh ugh.
– Still having brain disorder issues. More than a bit oversaturated. I am lucky I don’t have a deadline right now š”
– Puppila is limping and I can’t figure out why! Her limp is not responding to exercise, heat, cold, or aspirin, so it’s off to the vet soon…
– Getting hit hard with pre-emptive crowd-phobia concerning New York Comic Con. Trying to breathe.
– Breathing problems still there.
– The House passing That Damned Bill.
Good:
* MAJOR OMGGLEE #1 – having 4 of my 5 VPAs from Sunday met and having 2 of them met SO AMAZINGLY that I was gasping and jumping up and down. I want to tell everyone here all about it! But I’ve been told I can’t yet! Waaaaa! *runs around in excited circles* But I *can* say that:
* my superpowers are back enough so that I found stickers. Still hoping for the blocks. š
* Rain for the first day of Comic Con! Yaaaay!
* 2/3rds of the panels and ppl I wanted to see at Comic Con were cancelled, which means no line worries.
* MAJOROMGGLEE #2 – I have an amazing excellent artist for my comic idea! before I even got to the Con! YAAAAY! No crappy networking needed!
* MAJOROMGGLEE #3 – Found a coupon I didn’t know I had, for a Banya day (steam-room/sauna/hot tub)! I MUST use it by 11/1! I love it š
* My stomach has started to calm down! SO pleased and relieved about this.
* The ring my lovelyman’s mother gave to me fits again – relief! I was worried I wouldn’t be able to wear it when she visited.
* Progress in making the right space for the right reasons.
Thanks to everyone for just being here š Loads of love and luck to you all.
Yay noms!
I’m making a chicken sandwich.
The Good:
Office cleaning party yesterday. Yay!
Lots of movement on work yesterday.
Stayed in last night after a busy week.
The Hard:
The cold is noticing the lack of sleep and late nights and is hanging around.
Hazy weather making it harder to breathe.
Bank website broken. Afraid to go buy hula hoop supplies because what if ATM card is broken, too?
Belly issues. Again. Still.
The Good:
Texting with a boy I like this week.
Getting better at hooping.
All laundry, dishes, sweeping, vegetable putting away is done!
ATM card might be broken so I don’t have to leave the house!
Ah, yes. The “clothes lying all around the living room waiting to dry”. I know that well. Except in my case, they are lying all around the upstairs.
The hard:
– The pup started limping. I was less than calm.
– An entire day of swallowing attacks by the pup after a lovely long spell of none. Immensely frustrating.
The good:
– Epiphanies! Big ones.
– The anticipation of receiving a proposal for a new website!
– Meat. And epiphanies about why I resist eating the diet that serves my body best.
– I made a calendar! Oh, do I love it.
– Progress.
– Finding the perfect gift for my grandparents.
Chicken! Yes!
The hard:
-being late to a wedding gig. seriously late. never happened before, and not fun. it took an hour to travel two miles through traffic. lots of stress and feelings of helplessness and frustration.
-(mostly inner) conflicts around money and work and not knowing how to communicate with my spouse about these things when he’s anxious and I don’t have a steady income.
-falling down the internet rabbit-hole, even when I tried to avoid it.
The good:
-Birth of my tiny sweet thing — blowing kisses to sweet tonic!
-getting to the gig just in time to play
-a wine-grape-stomping event in our neighborhood with friends!
-writing and sharing
-good soreness from happy-body practices.
-turning leaves!
YOU LINKED TO ME! Aaaaaahhhh! My heart pretty much flipped over in my chest when I saw that. Thank you! š
The hard:
14 hour work days at a conference, no breaks that felt restful or nourishing
The Cold From Hell that meant a week of business meetings was accompanied by snot and coughing
Feeling embarrassed about snottiness
Feeling frustrated at not seeing a clear path to self care
Traffic and people overwhelm in New York
The good:
Meetings i dreaded with clashy people were fine
A first time real life meetup with an online friend that turned out spectacularly
Very comfy pillows
Getting home to BC and appreciating how nice Vancouver airport is with its running water and jellyfish aquaria and big artwork (sorry Newark)
Being welcomed by husband and cat after a week away that felt li,e a month
The Hard
– All the annoyingness of having our apartment building painted turns out to be so that they can make it yellow, brown, and orange. Gross. REALLY gross.
– Now we’re going to have a brown balcony, which cuts the light in our living room by half. And it isn’t light abundant to begin with.
– Three disheartening conversations in a row with the last three people I thought of as intimate friends. And feeling really empathy starved. And suspecting it’s all my fault somehow.
– My gentleman friend can’t get on a sleep schedule. Like, at all. And that keeps throwing me off my sleep schedule. And it’s all kind of one big mass of misery and I have SO many monsters about it. But also a lot of very legitimate pain and wanting.
– So ridiculously busy! Because I was too sick to get out of bed for two weeks, I have a quehaceres list of doom and way too many appointments and Urgency Monsters blah blah blah.
The Good
– Tomorrow I get to teach Shiva Nata! And *even* if only one person shows up (likely), it’s going to be so much fun. I have been looking forward to it for the last two weeks!! !!! !!!! So happy…
– “Needing to work on my Shiva Nata playlist” gave me a legitimate reason to spend about 3 hours flailing yesterday. As work. My life rocks.
– I’m working on a top secret world changing (maybe just business changing) kind of thing…and doing it in a ninja way.
– Deciding to “let my blog die”? Absolutely the right decision.
– Last Saturday was the perfect day. Started with Shiva Nata, then a walk in the sunshine, then sushi + Japanese gardens, then board games, soup, and sake with some lovely people who have the nicest house. It gave me hope that maybe I can have a life with weekends and friends and fun.
– My body is like: “Yes, hit me harder with serious exercise.” And I’m like: “Pole dancing every day of the week?” And my body is like: “Let’s go!” Gnarly gnarly bruises, sore arms and much happiness. It’s been a long time since it felt this good to move.
– My gentleman friend is awesome, and totally stretched past this thing that is huge for him because he wanted me to feel like I’m getting what I need in our communication. And it happened out of joy and love instead of coercion and resentment. Thereby proving all my monsters wrong. Mmmmm….love.
EEEEEeeee so excited about teaching tomorrow. Who cares about the rest of it, I’m just going to obsess happily about this.
Hand-on-heart sighs, love, cheers, and whispered encouragement, as needed and where appropriate, to the rest of you!
Hard:
Fat-o-vision at the mall yesterday. Feeling like a shlump even though everything fits looser and I am a bra size smaller. Blergh.
Good:
JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Local, as in ~2 miles from home, in his field, starts Monday!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, Friday, Friday, hooray and the first chicken after a chicken break.
The hard:
– Can’t handle it how time flies and how I seem unable at the moment to fit in the things that are meaningful to me.
– Husband back between two stays in unsafe place and togetherness has not worked out the way I was expecting it to be.
– Difficult communication about above issues.
– Cycle a mess, this hasn’t happened in ages.
– Feeling flabby and backache-ey and unattractive and tired.
– Being on public transport at 8.30am and 6pm.
– Discovering a mid-day yoga class close to work but then finding out it was an Iyengar class which totally doesn’t work for me, with a teacher who touched me for corrections that my body didn’t want.
– Not feeling sovereign about the fact that I was the very first one to go to bed at midnight at a wedding party where even a 3 year old was up until 1am.
– Coming down with a bit of a cold.
The good:
– I enjoy the job and love the “giving” that I can put into it.
– My to-do list has been down to zero after work every single day this week.
– I am not a great meat eater but I had the most delicious meat I have had in ages.
– My cold was only a bit of a cold which was surprising given that I know so many people who are in bed with a fever for days and feel really rotten. Poultices with mustard powder seemed to be a miracle cure.
– I cooked a chicken soup (!) against the cold and it was delicious and healing.
– Bosses were away and I could take it easy and go home really early twice.
– And it is Friday and I can go to bed now and don’t have to set my alarm!
Good night, chickeneers, from a part of the world where it is already bedtime, at least for self-confessed early-to-bed-goers!
Havi,
Just wanted to quickly share with you that implementing a Friday Chicken with my boyfwend has been most helpful.
I like the Friday element of it, too, because it puts a fresh face on the weekend.
Love,
Amy
Public Anemone! Not only are they great, but this just-one-guy-band’s name reminds me of a story I can’t resist telling… One day, I was walking with my writer of a gentleman friend, and he asked me for a name for a character. I didn’t take the time to ask what kind of character, I did not even ask if it was a male or a female, and I blurted out the first highly improbable name that came to mind: AnĆ©mone. And he said “Yes! Of course! She’s an AnĆ©mone. Exactly!” On that day, it became clear that this was one of my superpowers, and I’ve been his official character-name-finder when he has none in mind since then. š
While I’m here, a quick chicken:
The hard:
– feeling headache-y all week long when I almost never have headaches really threw me off
– said headaches preventing me from working as much as I’d have liked, which meant very little progress on that Thing I’m so excited about
– having to have lunch with my outlaws (whom I technically can’t really call my outlaws anymore since my gentleman friend and I got married a few weeks ago, but still, I’ll keep doing it just because.) Blargh.
The good:
– that Thing! I’m really excited about it. And despite the headaches-induced delay, I’m hopeful I’ll be able to announce it to the world soon – I won’t be able to contain it much longer anyway!
– I published a new post on my blog! It had been way too long since last time. I’m happy that this one exists, and I hope that it’ll mark my return to more regular-ish blogging. (By the way, the singer-songwriter in my post? She actually goes under a band name: The Weather Station. And yeah, she’s just one gal. For real!)
– my gentleman friend’s novel officially came out yesterday! He’s at a bookfair this week, and people are buying it, and reading it, and everything! So much work went into it (and so many things not under our control delayed its release), we’re really happy to finally be able to share it with the world. Yay!
Wow, that feels good! It had been too long since my last chicken, too. It seems I might be done hibernating… just in time for winter! š
Wishing a wonderful weekend to everyone!
**the hard**
– this weird feeling of fog and inability to focus that has followed me around
– tiredness that is associated with foggy feeling
– awkwardness this morning and trying to find time for everything…
– having no monies because i put too much to savings
-and losing my text book
**the good**
– writing all day yesterday (and my wrist didn’t hurt)
– already wrote half of my midterm for class that I’m auditing
– talked with husband about story stuff
– new friends
– started talking in spanish with coworker & husband’s uncle
– husband is making monies.
The Hard
-insane traffic driving from the airport in DC to Marylandās Eastern Shore, and being stressed about running late for my friend’s wedding rehearsal
-painfully bad comedy show/lecture at Staff Development Day
-some noise from the ātoo much to do, not enough timeā monsters
The Good
-The wedding weekend in Maryland. Everything about it. The location, the weather, the lovely room with the view and the comfy bed, feeling pretty, everyone being very complimentary about my speech, seeing loved ones I havenāt seen in ages, delicious foods
-Identifying a major gwish for Josh and I
-Did my work in the soft as preparation, and staff development day was not (mostly) that painful experience I was afraid it would be
-extreme happiness for good things going on in my brotherās life
Hard: feeling too tired to Chicken.
Good: doing it anyway, because I really want to!
More hard:
–Half an hour late picking my daughter up from school.
–Not enough sleep. Not enough down time.
–Annoying, unsettling email that just rubbed me the wrong way.
More good:
–My organized closet makes me smile.
–New comfortable, cream-colored corduroy pants!
–Interacting with patterns and getting some interesting results. I had a good conversation with the Me who wants to hide from things. (She says I can call her Hyde.)
–Going out to a burlesque show tonight! Trixie Little and the Evil Hate Monkey. Most decidedly not just one guy!
It has been a long time since I “chickened”….. but here I am.
The hard:
– Still doing the work of 2 people. Worse, the ad for the replacement person still has not been updated. And my “interim” director is planning to take a sabbatical next year. Not making me happy.
– Students who can’t seem to study enough to pass their retake exams. Seriously, you don’t know what aspirin does for patients with heart problems? Even my husband knows the answer from watching TV. Banging head against my desk……
– Heading out of town for a seminar related to my dissertation next week and I have NOT done my homework… Many anxieties surrounding this trip. The monsters are having a LOT of fun with it.
The good:
+ My teaching assistant who is always upbeat and helpful!
+ My kitties who hang out with me in the morning and wait to greet me late at night when I finally get home
+ “Shopping” in my closet. I have lost the 20+ pounds that I gained when I started my doctoral program. WooHoo!
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard:
– local government websites with inaccurate information … resulting in much wasted time
– Giant To Do List (Of Doom)
– sooooo schleeeeeepyyyy
The Good:
– many interesting ideas
– my students actually appear to be learning in my classes
– feeling generally satisfied with the state of my life
The Hard Stuff:
– Dealing with my OCD spiking, due to fear and monsters piling onto something and blowing it so out of proportion that anyone else would laugh.
– Deciding to take the first steps of a goal of mine. Quite scary. Eek!
– That awkward in-between moment where you want to be alone and miss someone at the same time. It sucks.
– Schoolwork. Haven’t done any. Need to do it.
– Realising the effect my mother has had on me and my life.
The Good Stuff:
– Rediscovering Byron Katie’s Work. It’s a great help and I’m going to work on it all next week as I do my schoolwork, to help me get over those blocks. Yay!
– Getting closer to a friend. I realised I missed them yesterday. To get an idea of how this is a good thing… I haven’t missed someone in years. I never miss people. I’ve always felt that there was something wrong with me because I could go months without talking to my closest friends and not even think of them. So I am reassured to find out that I am, in fact, human.
– Ohgodohgod less than a month until an awesome game is released! I cannot WAIT to play!
– I’ve been writing fanfiction, and putting up a 8K-9K word chapter a week. It used to be that it was overwhelming to edit such big chapters once a week, but now I’m actually editing about 12K words a week and not even batting an eyelid. I’ve learned to handle the work load and push myself. Yay!
– Getting good reviews on the above!
– NaNoWriMo is coming up, I can’t wait!
– Having a new idea.
– Having a guide of sorts help me get my life back together. That’s great.
Waves of love and acceptance and yays to all here.
The Hard:
-Sleep problems
-A hugely embarrassing Event.
-Money money money money money. I am doing some examining and some transforming in this area. But *sigh*. Phone is shut off. Creditors are sending scary letters. I don’t have any dollars to spend on anything. I am hiding from all of it.
-Ran out of Biofreeze. Love that stuff. Not sure when I can afford it again. Grr.
-My kitty threw up this morning.
-Shame and Fear are in control of me a lot. There’s some shifting, but not as much as I would like.
-Had an interview this week that I sucked at.
-Uncertainty about Life, The Universe, and Everything.
The Good:
+The Week of Blanket Forts. I actually made one. It makes me happy. It makes my cat happier, lol. The Boyfriend is coming over tonight and he gets to see it.
+Had a discussion with a big scary part of me.
+Had a bit of a tickle in my throat, but I used various techniques that made it go away, and I woke up the next morning feeling great.
+Getting a lot of amazing wisdom from Goddess Leonie’s World’s Biggest Summit AND from Amy Ahler’s Exposing the Big Fat Lies Summit. I am giving myself permission to just listen to the parts that are really calling to me, instead of needing to “do it right”.
+Introduced The Boyfriend to Nutella. Muah ha ha ha ha. He gets it cheap at work, so I foresee much more Nutella in my life.
+I’ve been taking the time to remember that I have a relationship with myself. And working on improving it.
Friday, eeee!
Sometimes life is confusing. I hope that the Chicken helps me sort it out.
The Hard:
– I started PT this week ā that is supposed to be Good! But the pain is worse, and I donāt know if Iām doing the stretches wrong or what the problem is. Have to wait till Tuesday for my next session to find out.
– I think thereās a mouse in my house. Every time I say that, I remember a childrenās book called āThereās a Mink in My Sink!ā That makes me smile but seeing the evidence of the mouse does not make me happy at all.
The Good:
+ I get to choose to leave Bad Things behind and carry with me the Good Things.
+ Coffee with a friend, lunch with a sister, laughs with another friend.
+ One of my private classes is being so much fun.
+ Spending more time at the bookstore cafƩ. My favorite place.
+ Rereading favorite books and new books by favorite writers.
+ Sonās birthday this Sunday. Also seeing my mom that day.
+ The Butler Did It! (Yay!)
+ And thatās inspiring me to do more. When I can.
Making Decisions. Itās good that Iām making them. Itās hard that I have to do it at all or that I have to do it now.
If I donāt want to Face Reality, do I have to? I’m Silent Retreating on a bunch of stuff. It’s hard that I have this stuff going on but it’s good that I can call Silent Retreat.
So many people listing good things! Yay for that! And hugs for the hard.
The hard:
Sleep deprivation from the loud rubbish music at the hotel, on top of a couple of nights of random insomnia. Spent this week remembering how much not sleeping screws with me.
And got a cold.
Frustration about being sick yet again – seem to have been ill continously since the middle of August and it’s getting tiresome.
Horrible horrible job and job interview stuff – feels like between that and the cold most of my week has been eaten.
Hormonal disruption.
Tears. Lots of.
Good
Spending time somewhere that is so beautiful and unpolluted and slower, and getting to show my mum one of my favourite places in the world. Soul nourishing. And some delicious food too.
Somehow in the middle of the angst having huge perception shifts about making a living and my whole situation and appreciating what I do have right now.
Smittennes.
Wine and cheese with friends last night.
May next week be better. Hugs and commiserations for the hard, and yays and glasses of something sparkly for the goods.
The Good
A week of slow, of blanket forts, of taking some time for recovery. I week of wish-crafting slowly,.
Also
+ two nice workshops i went to with my mom
+ getting along really well with my mom
The Bad
Not making so much progress on “everything”.
– sorting through some painful bankstuff-problem-solving including uncomfortable conversation. I know it is the result of having been too busy before. But still it sucks
– anxieties, my own and my families. coping with it and being reminded of it and also nog always wanting to be the strong person around here.
The More Good
I want more wishcrafting! and blanketforting. and slow slow slowness
(VPA-ing it up tomorrow!)
This week, I spent a lot of time talking about this group, the Vitamin String Quartet. Maybe you’ve heard of them (if not, find them on iTunes, they are way cool). I often found myself saying, “But really, I think it’s just one guy.” Not as a cheeky reference to the Friday Chicken, I actually think it’s just one guy.
And every time I said it, I thought of you. š
Oh wow. I’m new here. There’s so much stuff I’d like to say, but why don’t I just take it slow and start by playing along with everyone.
The Hard
– oh, man, what a long week. I can’t even *remember* back to Monday. That feels awful.
– Very, Very Beloved Boyfriend left for a six-month scholarship in Oxford (UK).
– a whole week of almost nothing but procrastinating on very important study that needs to be done for a tight deadline.
– the feeling of losing touch with reality, and some mild depression to go with that, I think. (Can I say depression here? I know it’s often used as a label, and I’m not diagnosed, but it’s a good explanation/description for the way I feel sometimes.)
– it’s cold!
The Good
+ looking forward to my own six-month scholarship in Hong Kong which starts in a little more than a week. Lots of excitement (although scared, too).
+ saying goodbye to the Boyfriend triggered a lot of weird spiritual intuitions/revelations (doubly Good because I thought I’d lost the ability to feel that stuff). Also a lot of crying, but the kind that makes you feel you’re healing some very old stuckness/pain.
+ being reasonable and self-controlled while shopping for clothes (i.e. recognizing clothes that weren’t flattering due to cut/size without going into negative body-talk, not obsessing on a dress that wasn’t available in my size).
+ lovely bird-shaped earrings as a gift from my mother. <3
+ discovering Havi's blog! And trying out lots of new tips and tricks to try and appease the Procrastination Monster. Some of them even felt like they might work if I give them time.
Hmm. I was focusing more on the Hard today (mostly due to the Big Bad procrastination Monster, who has truly become the bane of my life this year), but there's actually also been a lot of Good this week. I think I might like this Friday Chicken thang. š
It seems like a lot of the hard and the good this week were intertwined. I’ll do my best to sort it out here.
The Hard
– Not feeling very seen at work. Feeling like some of my work is invisible. I can’t quite tell if it’s just people being preoccupied with their own stuff or people minimizing my work. Or maybe responding to my efforts to minimize my work to try to make it feel doable?
– Missing out on things I really wanted to be at. Feeling my limits. I hate having to say no to things I really really want to do.
– My lack of local social life felt crappy this week. I spent too much time on the phone, and started to resent the people I was talking to.
The Good
– I have a job where I get to be right in the middle of all the social activism happening in movement across the US and around the world. I feel so fortunate to be here.
– I got to have a great impromptu conversation sorting out an anti-racist analysis to incorporate into a way we want to reframe the movement. So much fun!
– I’m part of an event that has national & international reach. Having broader reach is totally part of why I wanted to move to a bigger city.
– I had a conversation with someone I’d been worried was avoiding me. It’s nice to have the monsters quiet down on that one!
– I completed week two of establishing a regular writing practice. It felt good to set some manageable expectations & meet them! Rather than set ridiculous expectations and feel like a total failure right now.
– A friend who has been having a rough time had a major breakthrough this week, and it’s been amazing to hear his happy voice again.
In short, life is pretty good and happy on the whole. Especially on the work front, where I’m feeling awesome about where I am and what I am doing. Even the hard around work feels like I just need fine tuning, rather than major shifting.
OK, so I’m rather late to this party. However, my drying solution is a desk fan. Yes, I know. But a bit of air movement really gets things dry fast. If you have a dehumidifier in the room as well, even towels will dry overnight, but as long as you can get the windows open it works splendidly!