In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Okay, you guys. This is just weird. How is it possibly Friday?
I feel a bit bewildered.
Like maybe this week went by crazy fast and managed to be two weeks at the same time. Fine. Let’s chicken.
The hard stuff
Seeing all the things that are incongruent.
Wanting to change them and bring them into now.
Except some of these are easier than others.
And some involve clearing out old pain, and this is hard.
And also Time-Consuming, the monster representative would like me to add!
Grief.
While I was writing the post about the Enthusiastic, I was listening to Israeli radio. On my phone. Because it’s the future.
This always makes me slightly homesick, but it’s usually worth it to feel home at the same time.
And then when I tuned into the essence of ENTHUSING, this song came on.
It was the song that my friend who is dead used to cover with his band, and hearing it transported me instantly to the first bar I worked at.
It was kind of perfect, because he is the one person who was always truly unconditionally enthusiastic for me — rejoicing in the good, and being awesome when I couldn’t see the good.
He always gets to be on my Enthusiastic! In fact, he would insist on it.
But still I spent a good hour wandering around the Playground, feeling that familiar torn-heart pain of loss again.
How is it already December?!
I shake my fists in protest.
This is an outrage! An outrage, I tell you.
The time thing. It is hard.
Setting expectations. It’s work, y’all.
I don’t really have any more to say about that.
Can we just have a big sigh of agreement?
Actually, I do have more to say about that but no words. I had a massive and indescribable shivanautical epiphany this week about how setting expectations and releasing expectations are intimately connected, and that I have to do both simultaneously.
I don’t know how all the parts fit together yet.
And part of me cannot let that go.
We needed to do lots of safe rooms this week for all of the not-knowing.
Maintaining my space.
The thing with being biggified is that there can be a lot of attention focused at you.
And people project stuff onto you.
Sometimes I’m really good at force-fielding, and other times it takes me longer to recognize what’s going on and clear it out.
The good is that I am so much faster at resolving this. The hard is that being more aware of when it’s happening makes me realize that it is constantly happening.
Someone else’s pain.
I can’t do anything about it except love them.
It’s hard.
And remembering that it is not about me and does not reflect on me is also something that requires steady and active attention.
The good stuff
Congruence play.
I spent pretty much the entire week bringing things into harmonious relationship.
Or really, letting old things fall away and making room for the new things.
And it was easier than the monsters thought it would be. Actually it was pretty fun, most of the time.
It was like being on Rally (Rally!), except by myself.
Related: getting stuff done!
I updated the events page, and rewrote the Shiva Nata events page.
And did a bunch of other things. Done! Done! Hooray!!
We found our Flairground!
The Flairground!
MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS.
It’s where we’re doing Shivanauticon!
MORE EXCLAMATION POINTS.
And there might be a cotton candy machine!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! I am so excited about this that I am constantly flinging myself on the floor and wriggling around like a puppy. Basically, I am a puppy.
And guess what? Our Playground insurance covers this event as well so we don’t need additional insurance. Bonus win!
Enthusiasm!
I am running a special Enthusiastic at my Kitchen Table program about how it’s going to change in the coming year, and everyone is being awesome and enthusing with me.
This feels so so so good.
Especially compared to past years when I remember there being some minor anxiety attacks and temper tantrums about these kind of announcements. For whatever reasons, people weren’t able to remember to meet their pain first, before responding, as we do here. But now they can. And now I feel less conflicted about reminding them of their ability to do this. And all of this is big progress. Yay.
Anyway, it’s a big deal to be right here, right now, with an amazing group of people who have all done the work to be right here, right now.
If that makes sense.
And it’s a big deal for me to have enthusiasm in my life. So thank you, all of you!
The Playground is the best place to be comforted.
Thank you, hammock. Thank you, cushions. Thank you, wonderful clews and surprises everywhere.
A house is a house for me!
After I wrote about tiny homes for everything, guess what happened?
LĂ©an sent me and the Playground this book called A House Is A House for Me.
I’d never heard of it, and it is just perfect:
“A box is a house for a teabag.
A teapot’s a house for for some tea.
If you pour me a cup and I drink it all up,
Then the teahouse will turn into me!”
Yay! I put it in the Refueling Station, and it seems to like its new home.
Ooh, and we’ve had lots of packets of stickers arrive for the arts & crafts room.
Thanks, Melanie! Thanks, anonymous sticker-donors! Keep them coming… 🙂
I am strong!
And I did a bunch of push-ups this week.
Boy push-ups! Real push-ups!
Or what other people apparently just call push-ups.
This whole wax-on wax-off thing is paying off. It’s a proxy but it’s also happening for real, which just makes the whole thing even better.
Secret Reflectings with my partner-in-crime.
We are doing big work but in the most sneaky roundabout ways.
It is brilliant.
Also I invented this new practice called Sceptering, and it is changing everything in my business, and also completely baffling the monsters.
Gigantic hot buttered epiphany is blowing my mind!
Once I pick my jaw off the ground I will tell you about it.
The magic word is COOPERATIVE.
Taught my first cross-training program of the season.
For the hard-rocking women of Guns N Rollers, the roller derby team that I sponsor.
YEAH!
We did some EXTREMELY bad-ass Shiva Nata (with sound effects and numbers and costumes and hilarious flailing!)
And they talked about some of the results they had from doing this last year, and the whole thing was very inspiring.
The fun part of the Chickening happens here.
From the archives.
Some old, weirdly pertinent posts that I don’t remember having written, encountered while looking for something else:
- This one is super recent. But read it again! A love letter for you. For the moment in which you become an adventurer.
- 10 myths of biggification. I hardly ever write a “ten things” or “eight blahblahs” sort of post, but this one is important and worth revisiting.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is all about innuendo and raised eyebrows. And klezmer-ey clarinets.
I am pleased to introduce you to:
Hmm Hmm and the Hmm Hmms.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- The January Rally (Rally!) is so close to full. If there’s a way you can make it, doooo eeeet.
- Shivanauticon! YES! Sign up so we can send you details when we have them. We will not send marketing emails to persuade you. Just: here’s what it is.
- People at the last Rally were really good at destuckifying. Turns out most of them already had the Monster Manual & Coloring Book. That makes sense. If you don’t have that, put it on your wish list.
I think that’s everything? If not, I’ll add stuff to the Very Personal Ads over the weekend.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Can I just offer a bouncy whispered yay! about Shivanauticon being covered by your Playground insurance? For some reason, that stood out to me as an extra-joyful thing.
It is rather surprising to find myself at Friday.
This week’s hard:
–The Samurai’s temper hit a boiling point, and he felt the need to storm off and be by himself (with his door locked) until he was ready to talk about it. That’s always hard, because when I’m in a conflict with someone my impulse is usually to start working on resolving it immediately, but I’ve learned to give him that space and time — but he also clearly assumed that I haven’t learned, which made me feel angry and frustrated and invalidated.
–There is an Iguana sitting on my head.
This week’s good:
–When the Samurai was ready to talk things over, I was wearing my sovereignty crown and absolutely rocking the NVC while still holding firm to my own personal truth. Seriously awesome conflict resolution. I am so proud!
–I joined Goddess Leonie’s Goddess Circle this week, just followed my heart and took the plunge, and it feels utterly fantastic!
–Our family retreat to a rustic pioneer cabin (no electricity, water pumped from a nearby well, wood-burning cookstove and fireplace) in the mountains was really quite lovely. My daughter was afraid we’d all be at each other’s throats (and especially hers), and I’m sooo glad she was wrong about that — and so is she, which is also a relief, because sometimes her annoyance at being wrong overrides the relief for her, but not this time, yay!
I have a big pot of virtual soup here, and a magic ladle that makes the soup taste any way you wish. All who would like some are welcome to join me! Happy weekend, everyone.
Giant sigh of agreement about expectation setting. Giant.
This week’s hard:
– Seeing someone I love dig his holes deeper. Offering tools and having them ignored. Disappointment and, yes, feeling personally rejected when it’s not my stuff.
– Headachy off and on all week. Currently on, and I have too much to do today to put up with it.
– Systems falling apart because I haven’t given them the love and attention they need this past month.
– Cold. I know it comes at this time every year, yet I am still unprepared.
This week’s good:
– Avalanche of inspiration on a project that’s been simmering in the back of my head for a while. Notebook filling with scrawly ideas that are organizing themselves into themes. Reached out to someone I know can help me take the next step.
– Nice little show last night. Not tons and tons of sales, but enough, and lots of opportunity to socialize with other artists and customers.
– Finally figured out my client holiday gifts. Simple but not cookie-cutter and won’t break the bank.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard:
– Coming back to work after a week off
– My husband contracted the Ick from my sister’s three sick kids and numerous germies on the airplane and he’s grumpy about it
– Dealing with students who haven’t been doing the work all semester long are suddenly very worried about their course grade
The Good:
– Taking two of the best yoga classes of my life
– Feeling very calm about the end-of-the semester
– Decorating for the holidays
– 8 year anniversary of meeting my husband
Yea Friday! I have integrated at last that fridayt til 3pm is the only time on earth that belongs to me. so i’m having my time, and everything else can kindly step off.
the hard:
-the current cultural narrative literally makes me ill.
-husband is sick. sad for him
-above makes more work for me, less supprt to do it, and puts a snarling wolverine taking THREE FUCKING DAYS to recueprate in my bed with his feet up
-unexpected bedtime fight got vile FAst!
-more and more, being angry is bringing 14YearOld Brat Me to the front of the V. She might be the second or third worst choice to send to interact with my husband.
-my FIL moved in this past week. love him very much and his moving in was the Best Solution to several big issues. but it’s becoming apparent that he may need more support and help from us tahn we thought
-by “us” i mean “me”
-new routine did not lessen my level of work. it rather increased it, plus extra worry, more emotional time helping the kids deal with new routine, and added a weird dose of Uncentered and Confused to the mix.
the good:
-really committed to the Flail.
-this past week was bing! bing! bing! art projects! parenting thoughts! looking at my patterns! whee!
-Elegant Letters
-soem greater clarity about what I need from a cove
-feeling the desire to sleep and rest and go dark and giving into it, and not apologizing
-saying “No I didnt go shopping on Black Friday. I stayed home and played with my kids.” which i guess sounds smug but seriously, see hard#1
-discovering that i can pyt on the video and Flail while my kids are eating dinner. this is GENIUS as far as i’
m concerned
-getting walks at lunchtime by the creek. even whenits snowing
Sweet Chicken, hello! Cluck, cluck!
The Hard: So much pain this week, and not feeling like I had the capacity to deal with it. Angst. The Time Monsters AND the Money Monsters all kind of ganged up on me. Just a lot of hard.
The Good: The most wonderful recognition from one of my clients. She called my coaching MAGIC. MAGIC! I am enthusing soooooo much about this! Also, enthusing is a good from this week. I love being enthusiastic. Feeling heard. It is a good feeling.
A very happy weekend to everyone.
@Havi, a truly inspired Fake Band of the Week. I want klezmer clarinets right now!
@Kathleen Avins, thanks so much for the soup and magic ladle! Yum!
This week’s hard:
Not much!
It’s silly … skipping a work day (I had been making incredible progress lately on a formerly Dreaded Chore) in order to finish reading some overdue books.
This week’s good:
Incredible progress, especially since it was over the Thanksgiving weekend, on the Dreaded Chore. It has definitely become less dreadful, and more fruitful and Festifull (thanks, Metaphor Mouse, who just this very instant came up with that one). Maybe it is partly because I have been doing it for my future self, a la Barrington. And every successful work period is getting rewarded with a colorful, sparkly reminder, which I love and which I can see as I work. So I want to do more! A daily Embarking is what it feels like. Wow! I can imagine finishing this! And then starting right up on the next one.
Many happy chickens to you all.
Wow! That was certainly two weeks of stuff! Yay for the good and heart sigh for all of it.
The Hard:
– OW! My neck hurts. My back hurts. My head hurts. I’m pretty much to the point where I can’t even use my arms most of the time. And there is so much shame and fear and anger wrapped up in it.
– I want to be working. I have a business playmate who is pouring out ideas that I can barely smile in response to. I have ideas of my own that I can’t chase. I would like to do things like clean and color and walk outside. I would like to be awake and not pain-fogged. I’m so scared this will never get better.
– So I knew my future mother-in-law would be coming into town sometime this weekend. Which apparently meant Thursday, early in the day. No time to prepare. No time to myself. No advance warning.
– This lack of advance warning being a huge hot-button issue between the gentleman and I lately. I want him to feel free, but I want to feel safe. We’re working on it.
– People came over late last week and threw a ton of shoes at me. And it still hurts. Don’t throw shoes at me in my living room! Other places I can handle it. But not in front of the Seamonkeys.
– Someone I thought had context does not. She actually said: “Get over yourself. Having houseguests is no big deal. What’s wrong with you?” Which also felt like a shoe (though it was totally just her own anxiety). Blargh.
– Money. I can’t even make money the un-fun way if I can’t move my arms. The gentleman is starting an un-fun job to try and support us and I am scared.
The Good:
– The gentleman has not lost hope. Nor has he yet grown impatient of doing everything for me. I am so lucky.
– Everyone I know is a massage therapist or chiropractor or both. They will help. This will get better.
– (Maybe it’s even an excellent opportunity for me to practice that “asking for help” thing.)
– I am so excited for the Traveler’s Festival in which no one speaks French (that’s a proxy) that we’re convening next year. And I didn’t think I *could* be excited for it.
– The house is clean. It wasn’t clean because we were having houseguests or anything like that. It just was clean. As if that’s normal. Which I like.
– We have a boston terrier visiting, and I like her.
– I wrote myself a note for today from a week ago at Rally! And I sent myself exactly what I needed.
– Buttmonsters make everything better.
Friday again! wow.
The Hard
– finding time for homework & essay writing has been impossible.
– resisting two cakes out of three in one day, really, three cakes, one day?
– fish got sick… seems to be healthier now. I fed him a pea.
– money monsters are out in force – we spent *a lot* of money on ourselves last weekend and have toys to show for it.
– my report for work didn’t work right… now i have to figure out the glitch as to why it’s not showing up in the excel pivot table thing…
The Good
– p90x is going well, i’ve stuck with it for the first week and a half (including working out on Turkey Day) woo! hopefully this will keep me from my hibernation insulation this winter.
– ooh i totally forgot today after work is my scheduled fiction editing day(!) exciting-ness
– birthday party on wednesday night was good
– christmas carolling at work 🙂
Ah chickens and sighs for good things.
The Good:
My business coach. She is the demanding yet supportive mother I never had.
My friends. And the Cottage. Love.
Christmas tree tomorrow and looking at the tiny ornaments that I love.
The Hard:
Feeling impecunious.
The house is messy. I wanted to stay home to clean it but Friend needs my help to choose outfits for Date.
Lonely. So lonely and empty hearted.
More Good:
My belly is full of rice and shrimp. And wine. This makes a happy belly.
I have decided to walk the 1.7 miles to my friend’s house tonight, with my reflective vest and flashlight. Because my body wants to move.
My friend will have cookies and wine.
The hard: seeing a boy running after a ball that rolled into the street while a sports car speeded uphill.
The good: When I yelled, “WAIT!” the boy stopped in his tracks, and the car narrowly missed the ball (so it definitely would’ve hit the boy). When I carried the ball back across the street, the dogs I’m kind of afraid of surrounded me.
The boy said they were friendly and one sniffed my hand and gave it a lick. Much less scary when they aren’t barking at me.
Good outcome but still a bit unnerved.
Hi-Ho, Co-Chickeneers!
The Hard:
My motivation has gone on vacation, without me. I hope it returns soon, with a tan and a perkier attitude. Truthfully, I’m guessing it’s resistance, I’ve got a bunch of ideas that I want to work on and Mostly, I’ve been watching Hulu, like to the point of looking for stuff to watch since I’ve seen all the things I really like.
Also, related, my self-care has slid, considerably and I’m getting it back in place, but it feels like it’s given the resistance more of a foothold.
Boys. That’s all I feel like saying on that, but yeah, Boys.
The Good:
I have an abundance of ideas and some work well for immediate follow through.
I started advertising a couple of weeks ago, over at the Frolicsome Bar and a couple of days ago on some relevant sites. It’s bringing in traffic/readers. Now to convert some to customers.
I made my first tuition payment today. School starts 1/17, I’m excited and nervous at the same time.
I love Hmm-Hmm and the Hmm-Hmms; I’ve got them playing right now and it makes me want to get up and dance, even though I have no idea what kind of dance goes with klezmer music (except Shiva Nata, of course).
@ Kathleen: thanks for the soup! It tastes like this awesome French pototo soup made with leeks, mixed with a bit of beef barley soup the way a local restaurant used to do it. It was wonderful
@ Leni – hugs for the hard. When my 14-year-old self is at the front of the V, it’s generally because she doesn’t think the adult versions of me are going to deal with things. When I realize that, it takes some talking, reassuring, negotiating, and safe rooms to convince her to drop back. She’s harder to negotiate with than the monsters!
@ Sue T – “a daily Embarking”! I love that. That is going to be so helpful in responding to some insights I’ve had recently. Getting out my notes on Embarking already…
@ Claire: Wow!
Sometimes the Chicken is the best thing in my week.
But this week! The Good:
+ Doing “art things” with my nephew on Saturday, which was especially great after the disappointments of Friday when the art spaces downtown were closed!
+ Having coffee with friends I haven’t seen for a month; it was a spur-of-the moment thing and it was fun.
+ Acting on a good intention and having it pay off in unexpected ways.
+ Insights about Art and my Thing and what to do about it.
+ Donated my hair to Locks of Love (they make wigs for cancer patients), and getting a new style; being told I now have “killer hair” that makes me look younger!
+ I told the barista at my favorite coffee shop that, besides my drink, I wanted “a kind word, a warm hug, and a million dollars”. In quick succession, I got three warm hugs, and lots of kind words, and the huggers had not heard what I told the barista. So now I’m looking for my million dolalrs….
+ Ran into someone I’d like to get to know better, a woman with a lively sense of fun and some great stories. We exchanged contact info and plan to get together after the holidays.
+ More work on the Book of Me, and getting some insights from the work.
+ Two successful days of self care.
+ Figured out that I need to make some of my projects open-ended (so I can declare them done at any time) and/or quick to finish. I get to decide what “Done” looks like.
The Hard:
– Sinus/cold/nasal drainage thing that is making me half sick and stealing my energy.
– I need to resume PT exercises for my neck and can’t find the handouts that describe them.
As so often happens, my comment runs long… thinking about the good and the hard help me balance things in my mind and keep the negatives from getting all the attention. That’s a good thing, and this is a good space in which to reflect out loud about what’s going on.
Have a good weekend, everyone, and see you next week.
Hello chickeneers,
The hard:
– It’s DECEMBER, OMG. Where has the time gone this year???
– Excessive Christmas shopping has started all over the city and I can’t stand the crowds, Jingle Bells in every shop, the whole hunting-for-gifts-mania about this month.
– Meltdown after finding out that husband had 5 evenings out of 7 reserved for his hobby this week and that I basically wouldn’t see him and he is only around for a short time anyway.
The good:
– 1 1/2 days in the countryside, long walk, smell of November meadows, good food.
– A yoga class that was phenomenal.
– Very happy back as a result.
– Boss away for a day, long chats with colleagues I hardly ever get to talk to.
Hello chooks… cluck cluck bkaaarrk!!
Hard shtuff….
– money, and it not being there, and not having the mental/temporal wherewithal to chase paid work hard enough to find it
– bureaucratic paperwork and systems that don’t fit real life. Ewww.
– presence, and maintaining it
– especially in the face of flashes of old patterns showing up
– which requires the past to simply be a story about the past, not an all-defining present identity. Releasing releasing releasing….
– self-care. Nutritious food takes effort and doesn’t feel appetising in the slightest, even though I’m preggo/anemic = guilt and STILL no energy. *sigh work in progress in progress in progress siiiigghh*
Good shtuff….
+ I know the kind of job I want. Leela’s job on Sesame Street. She does the service wash at the laundromat in between singing alphabet songs and talking to cute fuzzy monsters. On SESAME STREET. That job. I want it. Right now, that’s EXACTLY what I want. Which is the first step to finding it, right?)
+ This clip from the movie ‘Enchanted’ which is hilarious and happy making and stars Amy Adams who I find utterly charming: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRYU4cqUAUs
+ Christmas! It seems I’m fairly immune to the crappitude that gets to so many people, I can find the joy and discard the rest pretty easily. Which is useful! So… lucky me, huh?
+ In that vein, decorating our tree and feeling all connected to the druids and neanderthals and everyone else through all of history who used evergreen foliage to reassure themselves that the earth still turns and the sun will be coming back sooner rather than later…
+ Unpacking the tree leading to completely rearranging every single piece of furniture in the living room including two big bookcases full of books and chucking out a bunch of stuff and liking the result even though the work was hard…
That’ll do.
Seeyazlader chooks. xx
Silent retreating this week, but sending loads of support-h0w-you-want-it to all the Chickeneers.
Hmm Hmm and the Hmm Hmm’s!!!
I wanna be there and hmmmm it out live with the Chickeneers of the High Seas!
@ Seagirl – good on you to support other people’s dates 🙂
@ Claire P – Oh that Amy Adams in Enchanted! I recently looked up the song to cheer up a gloomy mood!!
I silent-chickened yesterday but it’s a happy sight to see all the chickens today.
The highlights
Hard: shoes, being ill. then gathering energy for the next work step & not seeing the progress yet. feeling like it’s never enough. facing some old dreams and seeing it won’t all happen.
Good: making plans to travel. making plans to change jobs. working with expectations. taking a few more days in the blanket fort. seeing my friend who feels like an old friend although we only met a few years ago and he’s twice my age. Oh the joy of meeting new old friends.
Late to the Chicken. That is what happens when you work late every single night. Ugh.
The Hard:
– Working late every night and having every day filled with too many meetings.
– Boss having a meltdown. Literally. Never had a boss cry in front of me before. I knew things weren’t good in her life but didn’t realize how close she was to the breaking point. Guess I won’t be getting any relief in my workload anytime soon as she is in no position to take anything off of my plate.
– Grading took forever and left me grumpy because I don’t feel the students are putting in the effort that they need to be successful for their impending exit exams.
– Departmental drama continues. Grownups behaving badly. Worse than a bunch of toddlers in my opinion.
The Good:
+ Only 2 more weeks to the semester!
+ Got above the 30 pounds lost mark today at WW
+ Resolved issues with some new initiatives for the new year!
+ Have an interview scheduled with a legend in our field for my dissertation! Very excited!
Hello!!
I’m glad for all the great things in your week Havi, specially the magical way you and the Flairground found each other, yay for that!!
And for the chicken, the hard parts were:
– Feeling so frustrated and tired and depleted and out of mojo and energy for most of the week
– A friend going away and not having a chance to say goodbye, although we’ll keep in contact
– Major project delivery and feeling the pressure
– Getting tired at self defense class, more depletion
– Another work related thing: feeling under appreciated
And for te good things:
– Changing my mood, previous weekend by going out with my friends, this week by taking a new approach to issues
– Major project done in time thanks to the new approach and feeling full of energy now, despite all the excercise at self defense class
– Taking care of myself in the form of early going to bed and preparing better breakfast
– Allowing me to be happy for me and the good things I did for me this week (this one is happening right now!!)
And I’m silently planting gwishes for my next week and december, perhaps they’ll see the light of day over the weekend.
Abrazos!!
*flapping in belatedly*
@Gadgetgirl: Yay on getting above the mark! and double yay for the interview! So excited for you!
@Hannah: I hear you on the “feeling like it’s never enough.” Constantly having to remind myself that my something still counts for more than nothing.
@Clare P: Your ideal job reminds me of a wonderful woman I encountered in a laundromat last month. She was very frowny when she saw that I’d washed my clothes on the hottest setting, and I had to explain to her I’d done so on purpose to kill the bugs (long story) and that it was okay if my jeans shrank (another long story). But it was a good, concerned frowny (rather than a you-stupid-M frowny), and that she was dedicated to keeping the laundromat clean and to helping another woman there who hadn’t brought enough bags made me happier about having to do laundry there in the first place. 🙂
My hard:
* flu (again) + bronchitis. [blah]
* things that don’t fit. [whimperwail]
* anxiety + bitterness dreams. [grrr]
My good:
* Davis Cup commentary by my tweeps = a riot
* progress on projects M1 and M2
* seeing hometown through lens refreshed by travel
* hitting high notes in spite of congested skull + lungs
* holiday dreams + schemes
Wishing everyone help with the hard stuff and yays/yeas for the happy things.
Cheering for everyone!
I don’t know why I have such Chicken Resistance.
But there it is.
This week, the hard:
a miscalculation. waiting and waiting. stress about The Usual.
And the good:
a sold-out program! Yay! Five happy people being coached on five happy things. Getting to stretch in fun and interesting ways. And excitement!
an office! finally!
time and wiggle room.
yay.
cheers and good wishes!
@Mechaieh: your laundromat lady sounds awesome. Also, now I’ve totally got Pearl Jam’s song ‘Bugs’ running around my head… I’ve got bugs in my shirt, I’ve got bugs in means…. Hilair. Must dig up entire obscure 90s rock classics collection now…. 🙂
‘in my JEANS’…. not means…. iPhone fail…
@Hannah_Savannah: yaaay, Amy Adams Appreciation Society! x
CHICKENTIME
Hard stuff:
-I never did write that [blog post]
-or my [Parachute]
-[car stuff]
-my ankle hurting
-this stupid town i live in is seriously considering cutting all funding for the PUBLIC LIBRARY what the fuck?
-letting decisions make themselves, instead of making them
-anxiety dreams
-stupid obnoxious computer virus
-and no Glee!
-still dealing with [self-destructive habit]
-having my stuff triggered by [Mutha Trucka]’s announcement
-worrying about money
-gross icky gut punch feet stomp homophobia
-awkwardly trying to get information from [Papa Smurf] and not getting it
-[another thing relating to Papa Smurf and inconvenience]
Good stuff:
-writing and recording a cover of Mike Doughty’s “Down On The River By The Sugar Plant”
-how happy M was about that
-finding Shiru and working on it!
-Pentatonix won the Sing-Off!
-Reassurance that [Mutha Trucka] is okay
-I made a public commitment to practice the guitar every day!
-and I’ve been practicing the guitar every day!
-Discovering how Shiva Nata makes practicing guitar so much awesomer
-Break Room!
-meditated just about every day!
-trying new recipes from Appetite for Reduction!
-toasted pecans!
-sticking my toe in the VPA party
-constructive arguments with myself in my journal
-[Robo-Grinding]
-discovering some fantastic new music by Schmekel, Leslie Hall and Mercy Bell
-getting inspired to pick up knitting again and possibly even earning a little extra cash for it!
-and a couple Tarot clients!
-watching Firefly with my dad
And my Fake Band of the week: The Blametomatoes!
Havi,
I so empathize with your grief for your loss. I am grieving, too, and I send you my best wishes.
Hello, Friday chicken! (Okay, Sunday chicken. Thank you, thank you for the chicken amnesty!)
This week’s hard:
~Drama with the evil in-laws.
~Arguing with my spouse.
~A business trip put a dent in my routine.
~Complete failure in my plan to eat more healthfully.
~A funeral and icky realizations about mortality.
This week’s good:
~The business trip was extremely successful.
~The hotel for the business trip had a pool, and I got to swim in the evening! Exactly the joyful movement of my body that I had asked for last week.
~Making up with my spouse. 🙂
~Sticky kisses and bear hugs from my girls.
Dear Havi, as I read your chicken, this is what I want to say. The words are Stephen Dobyns’, the poem is called ‘How To Like It,’ and it’s bringing me what I need this morning as the snow falls and falls and falls… Maybe it will bring you, and all of us commenters and lurkers, something good, too.
xox Heidi
How To Like It
(by Stephen Dobyns)
These are the first days of fall. The wind
at evening smells of roads still to be traveled,
while the sound of leaves blowing across the lawns
is like an unsettled feeling in the blood,
the desire to get in a car and just keep driving.
A man and a dog descend their front steps.
The dog says, Let’s go downtown and get crazy drunk.
Let’s tip over all the trash cans we can find.
This is how dogs deal with the prospect of change.
But in his sense of the season, the man is struck
by the oppressiveness of his past, how his memories
which were shifting and fluid have grown more solid
until it seems he can see remembered faces
caught up among the dark places in the trees.
The dog says, Let’s pick up some girls and just
rip off their clothes. Let’s dig holes everywhere.
Above his house, the man notices wisps of cloud
crossing the face of the moon. Like in movie,
he says to himself, a movie about a person
leaving on a journey. He looks down the street
to the hills outside of town and finds the cut
where the road heads north. He thinks of driving
on that road and the dusty smell of the car
heater, which hasn’t been used since last winter.
The dog says, Let’s go down to the diner and sniff
people’s legs. Let’s stuff ourselves on burgers.
In the man’s mind, the road is empty and dark.
Pine trees press down to the edge of the shoulder,
where the eyes of animals, fixed in his headlights,
shine like small cautions against the night.
Sometimes a passing truck makes his whole car shake.
The dog says, Let’s go to sleep. Let’s lie down
by the fire and put our tails over our noses.
But the man wants to drive all night, crossing
one state line after another, and never stop
until the sun creeps into his rearview mirror.
Then he’ll pull over and rest awhile before
starting again, and at dusk he’ll crest a hill
and there, filling a valley, will be the lights
of a city entirely new to him.
But the dog says, Let’s go back inside.
Let’s not do anything tonight. So they
walk back up the sidewalk to the front steps.
How is it possible to want so many things
and still want nothing. The man wants to sleep
and wants to hit his head again and again
against a wall. Why is it all so difficult?
But the dog says, Let’s go make a sandwich.
Let’s make the tallest sandwich anyone’s ever seen.
And that’s what they do and that’s when the man’s
wife finds him, staring into the refrigerator
as if into the place where the answers are kept—
the ones telling why you get up in morning
and how it is possible to sleep at night,
answers to what comes next and how to like it.