In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I am inordinately pleased about week ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY in a row.
That’s because past-me (hi, sweetie!) from a hundred chickens or so decided to create a blueprint for chickening.
And, as a joke, she named the blueprint template thing Friday Chicken #180. Because that seemed like a million years away.
So each week I pull out the blueprint and save it as the chicken of the week and fill in my hard and my good. And I change the number to the correct one and add a title (which is the hardest part of chickening).
But guess what? We’re here. Chicken #180. And I didn’t have to update the number. Though maybe now I’ll change the blueprint to 280.
The hard stuff
OHMYGOD EVERYTHING.
This week was full of some incredibly challenging moments for me.
There were fits and tantrums. Many of them.
And lots of tears.
And some shaking of fists.
I got mad. And I don’t get mad very often but yes. This was worth getting mad over.
Monday night.
Monday night was the TWENTY FOURTH night in a row of not-sleep.
I mean, there is sleep. But with waking up every hour and with nightmares and with not falling back asleep.
And I was doing all the things that work but they weren’t working, and this was a new situation, and it was torture and I was done.
Nonfunctioning because of the tiredness emergency.
I got to really experience what it’s like when you cannot do.
And when you cannot not do.
Because all of it is one awful horrible fog of doom.
Nothing gets done.
It can’t.
Not when you’re so disconnected.
Nothing is working.
Normally when everything hurts, I run away to my uncle in the woods and rest up.
But this time that didn’t work. It always works!
And a bunch of other things that always work didn’t work. That’s because everything is changing. And transitions are hard. And I’m still discovering what the new things are.
And dancing, which also always helps, didn’t help because it turns out that when I’m crazy-malfunctioning-tired, my body won’t dance either.
I was sadface mouse about all of this and so much more.
Not being able to get things done because of the stupid card thing.
So two weeks ago (as you may remember from Chickens past), our business credit card was compromised.
And this was the week it was supposed to arrive.
Bills, expenses, orders, merchant payments, it all needed to happen this week and we didn’t have the card.
Rawr! Rawr! Rawr!
So many crappy things this week! So many! Rawr!
The endless recushioning and substicushioning.
Forcibly being substicushioned is my new phrase for this situation that I cannot stand which kept repeating itself this week.
The this-is-the-example situation: I bought a giant expensive red cushion but then it turned out they’d given me the brown one.
Which was fine because the brown looked great in my office, but I still felt frustrated: we’d agreed on red, they wrote down red, we said red at the storeroom, I watched the woman write it down on the form. So how come brown.
We agreed that the our lease on the new Playground space would begin March 1st and then the start date was pushed back by two months with no recognition, apologies or consideration for how this impacts our plans. The new date is also fine. Starting in May gives me more time to plan.
But I also feel frustrated and anxious because there’s no acknowledgement of the fact that this is something other than what was emphatically agreed upon at our last meeting.
We agreed I was paying for red! We clearly said March 1st! I don’t need a a red cushion. I don’t need the date moved back to March. But I feel upset. I want to be ASKED for input: “Hey, is it okay if we give you brown because we’re out of red? Hey, we want to move the lease two months so how would you feel about that?”
So I’m calling that being substicushioned. Unauthorized recushioning! And it happened like, ten different times this week in various formats. And I am really in my stuff about this, and feeling vulnerable. So that’s what I’ll be processing over the weekend and next week.
* Thank you, Shannon, for the word.
It’s time for a new sherriff in town.
I didn’t want that job but someone’s going to have to take it. And it will be me if no one else does. We’ll see what happens this week.
The short version is that the situation with the bully in our building has come to a head.
I invest endless time, love and money in the physical home of my company, and I am done.
Blowing! Off! Steam!
Also, this entire situation would be way easier to deal with were I not completely exhausted. So there’s that too.
Uncertainty.
When is the new Playground space going to be available? When will I be able to tell you guys about the new things? Is it even possible for people to take ownership for their stuff and their experience? It works at the physical Playground but can it work online?
These are the questions that I have been working through over this long, hard, exhausting, fascinating week.
The good stuff
Toozday.
On Tozday everything crashed and then it couldn’t crash anymore.
I broke down and got homeopathic stuff even though I have Ludicrous Fear Popcorn about this and try to avoid it.
The wonderful Shannon (graduate of Crossing the Line — she can tell you how amazing it was!) came by the Playground and did a magical hypnosis session for me.
Toozday night I finally slept. And then Wednesday night I really slept. The whole! Night! Through!
Sleeps! Sleeps!
SLEEP IS THE BEST.
Sleep, you guys. I highly recommend it. Everything is better when it is there.
Everything is okay.
Yes, it is.
It just is.
I learned that this week and I knew it in my bones, and this was wonderful.
Everything is okay!
And: everything that is against me is an illusion.
I finally wrote the thing I had been putting off writing.
I wanted to tell my Kitchen Table about what I’ve learned about leadership over the past three years of running the program.
But then I couldn’t.
And finally I could. It worked. Relief and joy!
We got the lease. Joyful jumping for the new space!
We got the lease. There is going to be a new beautiful Playground in addition to the current one.
Even though the date was pushed back by two months without anyone asking how we felt about that, we got the lease.
We still haven’t signed, and are working through a couple small details, but this feels so much closer to the new gigantic space and the new things we’ll be doing there.
This is the best!
Friends.
Wonderful friends.
Especially Briana and Shannon and the gentleman.
Things that keep me sane.
Dance class. Once I’d slept. YAY DANCE.
Yoga. Breathing. Shiva Nata.
Hiding. Nesting. Reflecting.
Stretching. Crying.
Conversations and negotiations with walls and monsters.
RAWR-ing. Stone skipping.
All of it.
My wish room.
The useful part about discovering all the things I am DONE with this week was that I realized it is time to take care of my wish room.
That’s my home office that I pretty much always avoid.
So I bought a throne for it. Not really a throne. It has a brown cushion instead of a red cushion, but it is still a kick-ass throne.
And the gentleman took down the shelves and is going to repaint!
Again, everything is okay.
Just when I start to worry that maybe it isn’t, I am reminded by all the ways that it is.
It is only lack of sleep that makes it seem like it isn’t .
But look, all the things I need are right here. Just where they always were.
I can trip over them or I can make homes for them. So I’m making homes.
Roller derby workshop!
Taught another Shiva Nata workshop for the team I sponsor last night.
It was awesome. We were gearing up for the season opener.
Unrelenting domination! (That was position 1:6 for you shivanauts out there).
Anyway, fun! We wore costumes. We flailed it up. Epiphanies, they are happening.
I have a polar bear and I don’t know why!
The cutest polar bear ever. Schmoo! Adorable.
Apparently whilst I was in the throes of Extreme Sleep Deprivation (which I still am, retroactively, but it was way worse then), I announced to the world one morning — very emphatically — that I needed a polar bear.
The gentleman got me one. It is the softest and the snuggliest and has the most intense expression. Fierce, but also curious.
I am not sure why I thought I needed a polar bear. To be honest, I don’t even really remember declaring to anyone who would listen that having one was necessary and vital to my life.
But this makes me happy. Polar bear. MINE. His name is Darlington Sloth. He likes to be scratched under his right ear. And I also call him Paws for short. Paws!
I am learning the things I need to learn.
Part of what made this past week so challenging was not knowing what the useful part was.
But now I know. Got it. Onto the next piece.
The fun part of the Chickening happens here.
Tabstravaganza! Or: what’s Havi been up to with all those open Firefox tabs?
I didn’t read much this week but I want to share with you Pauline’s beautiful piece about the greatest pain.
What a courageous and accurate description:
Oh my goodness the pain.
Sometimes very, very quiet but burning and then explosive and needing kettle drums, full orchestra and choir, requiem to acknowledge the sheer bursting massive scale of it.
I thought walking in the stormy winds this week would be powerful enough to make some impression on it, but there’s been nothing strong enough to match it. Storms rage outside me and it rages within me.
And my goodness that is good stuff.
To let the pain meet its match in force, in music, and see that it’s allowed to be as strong as it is.
See that I’m not frightened of it, that it won’t kill me, that it’s going to be allowed full expression and need not be less than it is for fear of my not being able to bear it.
From the archives.
Some old, weirdly pertinent posts that I don’t remember having written, encountered while looking for something else:
- 74 ways to push the reset button.
- When you run into some PTSD.
- And again again again, how to not be in wheel-grinding mode, which I could link to every single week.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is possibly-probably related to Ludicrous Fear Popcorn…
They’re called:
Terrified of Pi
And that pretty much sums it up.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- You’ll need the Art of Embarking if you want to join the Floating Playground. Or any of the things we’ll be doing in 2012.
- I’ll be sending out the announcement about the Floating Playground really soon, to everyone on the Havi’s Announcing a Thing list (you can sign up on the events page).
I think that’s everything. If not, I’ll add stuff to the Very Personal Ads over the weekend.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
We let people have their own experience, which means that we’re supportive and kind, and we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
CHICKEN! Yay for Friday!!
All week I was like “when will Friday be here so I can complain in Chicken?!” (I suppose I could have chickened on my own on, say, Wednesday, but it’s not the same).
But then last night everything *also* got better, so chicken + life less sucky = yay
Also, substicushioning! I love this. Well, not the thing. But having a word for an experience I’d never named before.
The Hard:
– SO MUCH the tired, for both me and the gentleman. We had a giant comedy of errors misunderstanding of a fight. And I was writing about it, trying to just list all the things that went into us being so tired. And just a bare bones list of it all went for pages and pages. And over a month in the past. I never want to be this tired again.
– The giant fight sucked too. Days of not knowing what’s going on, who the person talking to you is, and where the love of your life has gone.
– Plus all the stuff that was entirely certifiably only mine. Like thinking that I’m boring and unlovable. And realizing that the things I thought I believed about relationships and about safety and about boundaries are not the things I believe anymore.
– I want to be writing! I want to be engaging consciously with this giant shift happening in my business! I want to be teaching more Shiva Nata classes! Instead I am exhausted.
– Getting super sick. Several times. Because of this weird impulse to work until the wee hours of the night whenever I’m well enough. And ow does everything hurt.
– Very very lonely.
– No sleep without horrible nightmares. Except Wednesday night, for some reason. But all the other nights, all the other naps, any time I close my eyes, people are attacking me in my sleep. Ugh.
– Construction in the apartment underneath us. Seven days a week. Super loud + nasty chemical smells. I just want some quiet!
The Good
– Last night we finally untangled all the awful awful misunderstandings, projections and assumptions and our relationship makes sense again.
– In the continuing theme of unexpected money, someone just offered to pay for me to take a mini vacation at this gorgeous natural hot springs out in the middle of the wilderness. And I’m going tomorrow for four days!
– I got the nicest card from someone who took a Shiva Nata class with me! I feel like after a great first date when you find out the other person had fun too, because that class was the best thing to happen to me in the last two months. It was also really great for this person!
– There are six children signed up for my after school Shiva Nata class, which starts in two weeks. We will have so. much. fun.
– My favorite yoga studio opened up a new space just ten blocks from me last week. The first class (first time I’ve done serious yoga in months and months) was the most sovereign, lovely, powerful yoga class I’ve ever been to. It was exactly what I needed.
That’s it for me. Love to everyone! Sighs for both good and hard.
I’ve been up, up, up and down, down, down this week.
All the ‘up, up, up’ stuff is full of tiny, sweet things and marvelous epiphanies, which I was going to silent retreat on anyway.
Right now I’m down. SEVERELY down. I don’t have access to any of the wonderful stuff I experienced this week. Confused and feeling defeated about a lot of things. Wanting to withdraw.
Yea, I know all the painful stories aren’t true and I know all the reframes blah blah, but they hurt anyway. I noticed that what I want is not to feel better but just to spend some time down here. So I’m just sitting in the hurt and massaging around my wounds. I’m allowed to do that.
Because this isn’t going to last forever and this is just where I am now and despite everything, everything is okay, it just is.
Hard:
* the list so long, the week so short.
* shoe. huge ripple of bruises and grieving and fragility from one carelessly flung shoe.
* dread. some hard, land-mine laden conversations ahead.
* encounters with crummy customer service. Especially the part where the clerks suggested that my Secret Santa must have lied to me about ordering the gift.
* trying to let go of “someday I’ll get to” things (books to read, music to learn, things to make). Mighty tussles between Past Me and Future Me over what to keep.
Good:
* finishing some new pieces and crunching along on big work project.
* remembering the big haze of angst and sleep-dep encompassing January 2011. January 2012 definitely more my cup of tea so far.
* workflowy.com a good match for my brain so far
* signed the contract for my chapbook. *muppetflails*
* custom poster and mug from my Santa. Symphony date scheduled with another friend. Feeling cared about by people I care for.
* lavender-pear martini at a post-rehearsal gathering. Great conversation-piece as well as quite tasty.
* good pencils and portable sharpeners. 🙂
Shabbat shalom, all y’all.
Hugs to the hard. I love the term substicushioning as well, although Do. Not. Like. the actual meaning. It’s like a sneaky de-sovereign-ing.
The Hard.
Trying to take The Dog and The Boy on a walk and getting hideously lost. Trying to maneuver a five year old and a large lab puppy on a bike path next to a busy street during rush hour. All I could think was “we’re gonna get creamed by one of these @#$@ speeding trucks.” Much crying, whining, exhaustion.
The Good.
Getting through the walk from hell and realizing if I just kept moving my feet, we’d get out of it. Which we did.
Figuring out January is “orientation” month for me. I’m still figuring out where everything is on my “cruise” (metaphor for year) and processing. Yay!
New metaphor for finances: debt and bills are a roaring dragon at my door. If I don’t want anxiety, I have to feed the dragon. Now, instead of a budget, I have a Care and Feeding of Dragon manual. It is actually shocking how well this is working.
Looking forward to the VPA’s. Hugs all around! 🙂
Hey there, Chickeneers!
Hard:
–Still getting very hung up on other people’s opinions of me; still feeling that hunger for outside validation. Not cool. Not comfortable.
–Oh, money iguana. We need to talk. Or maybe we just need to cuddle. Either way, something’s gotta give.
Good:
–The power of reframing! If I have to get hung up on what other people say and think about me, if that’s just where I am this week, I can at least reframe, and find the gold within the words. Hurrah for Reframing Rabbit! (I think he may be a close personal friend of Metaphor Mouse.)
Example:
What was said: “I know you’re some kind of artist, but I don’t know what kind at this point.”
And then my monsters said: “He used to believe in you, but you’ve spent too much time being stuck and not acting on your dreams, and now he doesn’t believe in you anymore. He won’t support you, because he has no faith in you anymore.”
The reframe: He knows I am an artist. Even though he doesn’t know which of many possible creative paths I am going to pursue at this point, he still knows I am an artist. He has faith in me!
–Got my hair done this week. It’s looking good.
–Lots of positive forward motion. I can feel it.
I was all excited to chicken today. I was going to remember to do it. But now, I am typing on my phone because my annoying mouse stopped working. I even reiki’d it, which will show you how bothered I am, but it did not work. So I think this is my chicken. Wireless mice are annoying. Batteries are annoying. The end.
p.s. I have nothing but sympathy & empathy for people’s sleep troubles. We need sleep fairies.
The Hard
– idk right now, the good is overpowering me because I can’t quite believe it’s Friday already. There was hard, so I will silent retreat on this one.
– lots of tired in the afternoons.
The Good
– Things coming together well, without me having to do anything. For example, my professor submitted the Letters of Rec without me emailing him again! Though one of the schools still says that they don’t have them… this needs resolving still.
– Writing and inspiration and magickally having over 2000 words for my new story.
– editing and making progress on the editing. And thinking that my writings pretty slick, even for a super rough draft.
– sushi! and a gigantor birthday card for a friend. that was fun.
– I rode mah bike. In the living room. Yes, in the living room, on my real bicycle, while watching a show in Spanish about a wrestler guy. (Mr. Man’s choice, but so I could practice my Spanish and he could enjoy with the subtitles)
– reframing of many things. In a good way that makes me feel like things are working out. **oddly I wrote this before re-reading the posts above me. I guess Kathleen is reframing too, go us on the reframing.
– the chest-cold-bronchial-thing has reduced itself out of my chest… though i now seem to have a not-in-the-chest-cough it is much better than an in-the-chest-cough
Mmmmmmm….
Man I am needing a lot of sighs this Friday.
The Hard: A formal Zen buddy support relationship I’ve had for two years is over. I am SO SAD. It was delightful and very steadying.
Also, my house is filling up with giant piles of stuff I don’t need in my life anymore. And I am not going with the monsters’ suggestions of elaborate disposal and distribution strategies. But somehow… Somehow it’s hard to get this stuff out to the curb.
In fact, I interrupted this Chicken to get two boxes of stuff out to the curb. It is now in the hands of whosoever watches over these things. The End.
The Good: I remember that contraction usually follows expansion, and a giant expansion such as I experienced last week is usually followed by a matching contraction. So, no surprise that I am feeling low, and it is very good not to be mystified by these things.
Also, I got a speed read at the library that looks amazing.
And I am open for surprise information about a silent retreat thing. I can feel it’s on its way.
I got it to work! At least for a minute. Yay. I do not want to end my week being annoyed at wireless mice, which I generally appreciate muchly.
Let’s see. The hard:
– The pup had his worst swallowing fit ever.
– Very fitful sleep, in general, as usual, and as a result of the above.
– Atlas and another large dog crashed into me from behind and I fell on top of Atlas and my dearly beloved pup that almost never makes a sound of pain whimpered and whimpered and held up his paw so sadly. Because of me. Oh. My heart.
– Batteries. Either wireless mice use batteries remarkably quickly, and/or these store brand ones are not, in fact, as good as my usual brand name batteries, which is what the guy told me when I bought them though I was skeptical.
The good:
– Two of the sweetest and most unexpected gifts ever.
– I was crashed into by two large dogs and fell and it did not hurt at all! (Which is sort of funny, because Atlas is muscle and bone and not exactly the most cushiony of landing spots.)
– Feeling very hopeful.
– I found the way to start writing about something I have wanted to write about (explicitly) forever!
– Epiphanies, including a few related to Cheetos. Ah, Cheetos, how I enjoy your fake cheesy goodness.
– Two good dreams in one week! I am hopeful that the very long tide of nightmares is turning.
– Friends.
– Serendipity.
– Yoga Nidra.
– Sunshine.
@ Havi – sending all my best wishes for the recovery time and the flailing and the deconstruction before the building of better things.
Friday!
Oh yes it’s Friday already and I didn’t realize because the work continues into the weekend this week.Oh well – it’s Friday and it counts for something!
The Hard
Mega Overwhelm in the work front
I am supposed to hand something in.
But then working was hard over the past weeks because of unexpected factors. There is something to show – I am just never sure if it’s enough.
Hard hard hard and painful
Realization of old sad
There was a nice dinner with new friends – but they were hoping for optimism from me on a certain topic and I had none. Instead, I refelt a lot of hurt from the past years accumulate.
The hurt of not having an example
The hurt of finding things out all by myself
The hurt of no support
The hurt of shoes and judgment
The hurt of losing old structures with no new structures.
The hurt of high standards and crippling criticism.
The hurt of individual research and being lost in communication with most other people.
It was pretty much too much to realize. But it all occurred to me anyway.
Getting lost in an evening
That night in the end had too much party in it and I regretted it the next day. Feeling more lost. Feeling mostly incongruent. Yes that’s the word here.
Little sister still sad and angry
I am not in the same house anymore. But i am not less worried. And there is no easy solution. And she throws shoes at everyone who wants to help. So much hurt over it.
Winter
I am a person who needs light. So badly. To function.
And I live in a part of the work that has 4 months of almost no light. It adds up. Something about balance and hormones or something.
The Good
Souvereignty Boots
Or, more specifically, a souvereignty ring that I bought for myself. And the ring told me to avoid the supervisor and not interact with someone who brings hurt. And it has been the best decision ever.
Working in the office with my friend
Late at night – more specifically, right now. Oh it’s good to have a friend that works late with me.
Expanding the Dammit List
Everything is hard hard hard once again. But what it’s leading is an expansion of the dammit list. I will not have someone ignorant belittle me. I don’t know what’s going to happen but this I know.
New Friends
I set up a night of a dinner out and it worked out marvelously. I have a dinner club!
Hello to my fellow chickeneers…lots of hugs and oh I just want to give love and peace and safety to everyone’s hard stuff this week. So much hard.
And here’s mine:
Hard things
– Sleep not working out so great. Weird too-bright moon and unsleepy feelings (and related hurts about Why hasn’t someone *else* fixed my curtains yet? which is not sovereign but it’s the hurt I’m feeling anyway).
– Sleep is bad mainly because I am my toddler’s comfort item: she has to be touching me to get back to sleep. Sometimes it’s sweet: this week it was Too Much. Ouch and grr and meh and wah and get away from me.
– Also related, not getting the time with my spouse that I wanted this week, because of conflicting schedules.
– Talking to someone who understands (finally!!!!) about something going on in my life and being reminded (ouch) about all the unsettled parts in my heart about it.
– Dwelling a lot on the paths not taken.
– Feeling vulnerable to stuff at work. Lots of emails written and then not sent because I realize I am in my stuff about People Being Mean And Dismissive and it’s not really about them. It’s about me. It’s my stuff.
– Finding a pattern and not feeling good about it. When my boss is away, I want to skip work. All the time. And being depressed about it. About what it means about my job and my fit with this job and and and.
[deep sigh of acknowledgement and letting go and making space and building the forcefield again]
The good! The good! The really awesome good!
+ Planning a mini-rally for Monday with Simone!!
+ The awesome effects of planning a mini-rally which gave me all this zoomtastic energy to write lots more on my blog and make a new page about my Shiva Nata practice and other stuff too!!! Awesomeness and sparkly energy!!!
+ Seeing the patterns, even if there is pain around them, feels so much better than just being in the stuck and not knowing it. Even though it’s still painful.
+ Talking to someone who understands (finally!!!) about something in my life and feeling tremendous relief, oh my god, I am not alone and I have support and ahhhhhhh releasing of painful pain of aloneness I didn’t know I was holding onto.
+ Two exciting prospects for the future, both long shots, but one which opens up the real possibility of me quitting my job. For reals. Hope in my heart about this one.
+ Future arrangements that seemed impossible just kept happening with ease this week. Thank you!
+ New music I found: First Aid Kit. The name is exactly what it is, or what I needed yesterday. Love them.
I’m sure there’s more, but I’ll stop here. Here’s where I’ll also say: hello to this week and farewell to this week, I know what was in you and this is the door to the weekend: acknowledgement. Rest is coming. Space is opening up.
@Havi – Yay for Darlington Sloth the polar bear! I got a polar bear for Christmas, and he is a little cousin of the Drool Monster, and he is the cutest and squeezing him makes everything better! I also taught him Shiva Nata the other day which was pretty much the most adorable thing ever!
@Cathy – Care and Feeding of Dragon manual! I love this! I love this so much I think I am going to have to use it myself!
Hugs for everyone’s hard and sparkly confetti for everyone’s good!
For me this week was all good. Seriously, so amazingly good that even the tiny bit of hard was really good in disguise. I was so excited when I realized today was Friday because I wanted to Chicken just to recognize and appreciate the good that was this week!
The Good
– Reconnecting and love and support and forgiveness and truly recognizing & appreciating wonderful friendship
– Snow! The first real snow of the season! Everything looks so pretty!
– The wearing of adorable hats! My new penguin hat (which was such a perfect gift from a friend who knows me so well)! My favorite fox hat! My octopus headband! These hats are such conversation starters and always make people smile, and that makes me smile!
– Reading and getting totally immersed in the world of this series of books that I love so much!
– Excitement about something new (and Andy-related!) that should be happening next week! Yay!
– The online reconnecting of Rally-ions! Loving this SO much!
– The destuckification magic that has made this week so amazing thanks to VPAs, Shiva Nata, yoga and so many other tools from Rally! (Rally!) and this blog!
*blowing bubbles to all the Chickeneers*
@Elizabeth Sleep fairies! Yes, they would be good. Actually reminds me I used to knock wood (3 times, people, not 2, not 4; 3 times!) before going to bed to sort of attract Scottish wood fairies to be my sleep fairies. (The idea of fairies falls in the realm of being a rational person who nonetheless doesn’t want to tempt fate as it were.) Haven’t had a wood side table in ages though… hmm.
The hard:
Wrenched my back yesterday and I can’t even see how except that I’m getting old.
Was feeling better this morning but then took a shower (which typically makes me feel at least 10% better for the day unless I’m really sick), but there was too much bending, and now my back feels worse.
I’ve been having sleep issues too, so I sympathize with everyone in sleep predicaments. I would like to sleep more than 5 or 6 hours without waking up. Or at least to go back to sleep more readily.
The good:
I got my Double Arch stickers from my shop and they’re rad! Been having fun using them as envelope seals and treats for people. So cool to have stickers featuring my photographs.
http://www.zazzle.com/double_arch_sticker-217739033308104482?gl=RocklawnArts&rf=238565580390908270
Started playing with/learning how to use a Wacom tablet with my computer. May take a while before I’m designing with it, but I think it will be fun to figure out.
Made a phone call I’d put off but got the answer I needed pretty easily, so now I don’t have to worry about it.
Think it’s time to lie down again and see if pulling my knees to my chest still feels OK. Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Substicushioning! That’s a perfect word!
This week’s hard:
– Poor planning led to a very late-night work session led to screwing up my sleep patterns all week long. Still trying to readjust.
– Aches & pains.
– Migraine. First in a very long time.
This week’s good:
– A couple of delicious meals with friends I haven’t seen in a while.
– New long-term work project with great potential.
– A little bit of time to veg and just zone out. I’ve missed that.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
uh-oh I may have left the ‘italcs’ on
so much for the newly found html skill!
let’s try to fix it
test
Tee-hee! Everything is in italics. It looks awesome.
The hard:
– Still feeling the need to seem perpetually happy. Disavowing the sadness instead of holding both, the joy and sadness together.
– Feeling unheard or unacknowledged because of the above.
– School/the world going too fast. Part of me feels the need to hide in the awesomest blanket-fort ever and grieve for my baby, and the other part wants to function on light-speed along with the rest of world.
– Some medical stuffs ’cause of stress and routine change and recent vegetarianism. Anxious about seeing a doctor because I do not want to give up the vegetarianism or the weightlifting.
– Anxiety and shame (where from?) surrounding the grad seminar thing. Still noticing how it unfolds so I can begin to work with it.
– Resisting meditation. Being afraid that allowing myself to feel sadness/loss/pain/etc. will throw me off schedule (funny, because I am already off schedule, but… sigh).
The good:
– I got a mattress! Auto-magically from one of my friends! And paired with working out my back, my back pain has gone!
– I have been working out! Regularly! With weights! I have a feeling that the working out has been helping with the inability-to-get-out-of-bed-syndrome.
– The inability-to-get-out-of-bed thing has eased a little bit. Just a bit. I can now manage to get out of bed at 11:00am occasionally, as opposed to noon or 2pm. I’m still trying to untangle the pattern, but it seems that the exercise and the meditation has been helping.
– My schedule has finally been sorted. This means I can figure out where I am in relation to the things I need to do, and when I can do them.
– It snowed and my feet are warm! Hooray for being kind to myself and buying a good pair of boots.
– Friends. I’m always, always thankful for my friends.
*joins Kate with the bubble-blowing* Bubbles!!
The Hard: overscheduled weekend meant not too much good food in the house which meant much-too-much eating out, junkiness, ick.
Monkey brain interfering with sleep.
Feeling annoyed and intolerant about colleagues who expect much and contribute little.
The Good: boot camp on Sunday checked off, three-week class finished Wednesday, we haven’t forgotten our routines, foolin’ around Sunday a.m., and new shoes for competition are both sparkly and the cheapest ones I tried on. So nice when the $110 pair is more comfortable than the $210 pair.
I lost my Chicken! If it is flying around the internet and passes anywhere near any of you, please entice it with cracked corn and redirect it to HERE.
I’ll summarize: there’s some hard but I’m feeling blessed. There’s a lot of good.
Sending good wishes and support for the hard and celebration for the good to everyone, in whatever form you want/need it.
Yay, italics!
Yay, sovereignty ring! Going to my box of jewels for a sovereignty ring RIGHT NOW.
mmmmms to all chickeneers! A week of hard and good, and lots of new patterns. Which is being rather like clothing patterns, as I’m trying things on to see what fits, and then adjusting. More percolating on that, I think.
The Hard:
So many things I need to do – where do they go? When is there going to be time?
Realizing that even if I try to slow down, I think the truth is I’ve overbooked myself.
Recognizing that I want people to do things my way, on my schedule. And that probably I should let that go, unless it interferes with my schedule.
The good:
Being conscious that I’m tweaking routines and schedules, trying to find out how much I can do without stress, and still get what has to happen done.
Have started a regular check-in call with my best friend so we can be helper mice to each other, even if far away.
Craziness happened, and I didn’t panic.
Sickness happened, and I didn’t panic, but just took care of myself.
The fabulous yet terrifying.
Took a first step on a big dream project, even knowing that the first step might be what tells me that the dream isn’t possible. But I think I’m ok with knowing now, one way or the other.
And YES to sovereignty ring! Found one a week ago, as the promise to ME!
Taking the first step on your dreams is crazy tough. I think that’s why my chicken was so happy this week. It finally seems like my little micromovements and baby step-ettes are showing me that the dreams are possible.
Good luck Corie and everyone!
Tee hee! But of course, I’m the daughter of an engineer, so let’s try this…
Friday! On Friday!
Love for everyone and the assorted hards.
So the hard for me:
TIRED. Oh my goodness tired. Driving and shopping and setting up and vroom!
And unexpectedly, inexplicably sad.
And more often cold than I wanted to be.
And the good:
Things working pretty well.
Having work!
Math showing the scientists that the monsters can take a break.
And unexpected vision.
Also, bonus! New exactly-right layout for leelalifecoaching.com. Yay!
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard:
– starting to prepare my sleep/get up schedule for the new semester (the 8 hours of sleep from 10pm to 6am is never as good for me as the 8 hours of sleep from midnight to 8am)
– noticing my pants are tighter from too much festivities
– the process of processing my process is messy
The Good:
– French cooking class! (onion & Gruyere tartlets, chicken with tarragon cream sauce, and crepes Suzette)
– turned in my application for yoga teacher training
– all my prepwork for the first 3 weeks of the spring semester is done so I can relax all weekend and ease into the semester
Hello!
@Max & @Loon & @CorrieWeaver & veryone
yay! & thanks for the nice comments on italics and souvereignty rings
not sure what i did but staying away from the html for a while
although for now good thing it turned into an italics dance event 🙂
*** blowing Fairy Dust all around ***
PS @VickiB – I saw your chicken! it says high and also it’s on an adventure
My mom was with us last week, and today on the phone she said, “Can you beleive I left on Monday? It feels liek that was weeks ago.” And yeah it does.
Again the godop outweights the hard:
the hard:
-annoyances and bullshit
-my hair really needs more TLC
-the longing for more art-time
-psychic bully tactics
the good;
-being in a good palce with my partner
-gettingn better with the “better food” project
-despite challenges, I feel good and heaklthy and sovereign a lot more lately
-not hating winter
-a warmish snap this weekend
-doing a beautiful fuill moon circle on the4 full moon itself. lots of wonderful gifts that nite!
-other thinsg like this
-working on Entering and Exiting. loviong this practice
-bought my airfare for california. so excited for my 4 days away from home
-sparkle gifts of every size and description, all of them something i’m able tor eceiev
-snowflakes! more all ther time
-more Dharma Yum! with thee kids. more fun with the kids and less yelling
-treehosue time! making that happen all the ti
I have a sovereignty ring too! Not that that’s what I called it but that IS what it is. I even wear it on my ring finger on my right hand so I’m thinking it’s about being committed to myself as much and as seriously as I’m committed to my spouse-person. That one feeds the other feeds the other. (mmmmmm, taking on a ring and a vow to ourselves before doing the same for other- idea for new step in the pagany shamany goddessy wedding ritual that I may or may never perform depending on whether or not I ever decide I am a pagany shamany goddessy priestess white witch gorgeous-crazy lady who performs rituals. Ha!! I love ideas.)
Hard stuff….
– tired and uncomfortable, swollen, pimply, itchy, heartburny and just a little bit, um, OCCUPIED, i guess would describe it, by the baby. Have definitely been moved back to the coach class seats of this flight to Bolivia… not that it’s not great to travel, yay travel, but long flights are tedious and uncomfortable as well as exciting etc. Yes.
– other people’s stuff coming up for them and dump-my-stuff-on-you patterns. Mostly fairly easily returned to them. But still, uncomfortable and also sad for their stuff.
– lots of nobody-listens-to-me, nobody-understands-me, nobody-believes-me, nobody-likes-me, nobody-wants-to-play-with-me Cassandra stories in my head. Fifteen year old me, are you REALLY still here? Still? *sigh* Fiiiiiiine, I will engage with you…. You do REALISE all the other shit that’s going on my life right now don’t you? Oh, sorry, there I go feeding you more evidence about how rejected and misunderstood you are, sorry…. *rolls eyes* *books in a conversation at some stage soon*.
-rage and irritation levels are high, and perceiving violence everywhere. Especially in the medical and science worlds which are supposedly based on notions of non-harming and humility. Except for how it ends up being practiced in the real world. Rage and perceptions of violence everywhere quickly devolves into generalized hatred of men which is hahahaha ironic cos look at ME being violent and judgey but still feels true to many parts of me.
– ignoring my debt dragon (im loving that metaphor too!!) is getting harder. Ahem. (Note to self: prioritise finding a way to quiet the dragon so it can be a good and faithful guardian and protector of my kingdom’s comfort and flexibility levels and not angry and scary.)
– melancholy shadows still around, and depression-recovery-hangover. Not bad things. I was really very well looked after. But still, things. And having to be really conscious of not stepping into the shame/fail assessment of said things. The Bloggess effect helping. Nice to see evidence that there IS a changed cultural perception out there, in lots of ways. The option to plead humanity and have that accepted as legitimate. Not everywhere, but out there. Within reach. Yay.
Good stuff….
+ See above re cultural change. Makes the world feel a bit safer. Also, I’m no longer lost in the swampy fog of shame and melancholy and failure. Which is much more pleasant.
+ Humility/infinity (my 2012 ‘stars to steer by’) reminders everywhere and finding these concepts incredibly useful in the energy, clarity and capacity stakes.
+ Big mind-map and clear priorities really helping with conscious parenting of Little Lad and seeing almost instant positive feedback from him, which makes me think I’m on the right track to meeting him where he is and giving him what he needs. Maternal-Me is relieved, Teacher-Me is feeling more competent, Mama-Tiger advocate me is feeling calmer and more powerful and less frustrated and scared and like ripping someone’s head off. (Mostly, except when bad science feeds into bad policy and scientists, who claim they’re working in the interests of the human beings they are studying, then ignore and dismiss the nuancing of their hypotheses requested BY said human beings…. grrrrr…..)
+ permission and safeness and friends and space to be me. It’s also true. Even if my experience of it has been clouded by adolescent Cassandra stories. I can see/kind-of-feel it there too.
+ I’m no longer lost in the swampy fog of shame and melancholy and failure. I’m saying that again cos it’s a really good thing.
Cluck cluck. xoxo
PS @Katie, I’m pregnant and hungry and need you to come over and cook me that French meal now, please. Laaaaaahhhrrrlllll…… Mmmmmmm, must…go…eat…..
@ Hannah: thanks for the chicken sighting. Good to know.
@ Claire P: what you said about men reminded me of when I was an adoption worker. Some of the biological fathers were such jerks (as were a few of the adoptive fathers) that I used to grumble, “Why does my husband have to be a MAN?”
@ Corie: “trying to find out how much I can do without stress, and still get what has to happen done.” I didn’t mention stress in the wandering/adventuring chicken, but when I read what you wrote, I had to pause (Paws!) and think. The background stress in my life is so pervasive that if I eliminate other stresses, the background just looms larger and gets more scary.
And then I thought, oh, right, this isn’t about eliminating stress, it’s about not creating more stress. In other words, EASE. Making it easy. Thanks for that insight.
A new chicken? Okay, a small one.
The Hard: It is eleven degrees out, there is a glaze of ice under the two or three inches of snow that, btw, has blown and drifted in spots, and my house is drafty — it wasn’t last year and I don’t know why it is this year but I need to do something about it.
The Good: working on the Book of Me. The Internet. Books and blogs, both familiar beloved ones and newly discovered ones that I already love. Ideas and plans coming together. MrB starting to work with a personal trainer to strengthen him so that he won’t be as likely to fall and so he can get up again if/when he does. (This is especially good because I injured myself last week trying to help him up.) I’m blessed.
Sending blessings to all.
A little chicken on the phone 🙂
Good of the week: so much! Seeing a million new people, and liking it.
So much biking and out of the house! It’s good for me even if I don’t believe it.
Gradually more conscious of reading online.
TWO new mini-jobs starting that have me feeling cushioned again (hopefully not substicushioned)
The teaching! Oh how I love it!
Support!
Plus the other goods.
Hardnesses:
Feeling yanked around waiting to be called for a joblet. Unsovereign.
A client who seemed awesome… Turned into a dude wearing boxers. In a motel. ICK and mistrust and thank all I didn’t go. Sovereign ftw. But, hard.
Bookstore dillema – but just being in a bookstore makes things better so.
I love the chicken! Thanks, beauties!
The hard:
– a menstruation that just wouldn’t start when I wanted it to/thought it would…
– a really really emotional Sunday – bottom of the barrel revealing my fears, saying them out loud, being dehydrated and hormonal
– meeting someone i really didn’t like and having her infiltrate my dreams – immediately
– pushing my ‘what i deserve boundaries’
– seeing my niece via skype and not getting to squeeze her and hold her. oh i miss her.
– not getting to the gym
The good:
– finally started bleeding – always a relief
– the emotional sunday led to some amazing understandings about my shadow, darkness and how i want to honour and take care of myself. A HUGE STEP FOR THIS WOMANKIND!!!
– realizing how quickly i didn’t like the person that i didn’t like and being willing to see that being near said person who end up poorly.
– talking to my dearest oldest friend -twice this week!!!!
– stating my boundaries, my desires, my wants and then watching some amazing shit show up as a result.
– twitter. oh how i love twitter….
– seeing my niece.
– having an amazing conversation with my partner-in-crime.
– taking care of some nagging paperwork.
– being in my “zone” all week… f-yeah….
– getting the end of the year blog post written. damn it felt good.
The hard:
– Sleep issues, too, like so many people this week. Bizarre dreams, being wide awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night, waking up ridiculously early – I have had it all.
– Having everybody tell me how exhausted I look as a result of this.
– Stomach bug still lurking.
– Just one free day this week.
– Overwhelm at the number of non-work-related e-mails and messages I would like to catch up on but don’t know when.
The good:
– Appointment with best doctor ever. He prescribed a homeopathic cream that finally helped me to get rid of skin problem around my eyes after just 2 days.
– Finally left message with my therapist to schedule session about an issue I have been good at procrastinating.
– A 2 hour yoga workshop two nights ago had such a total reviving effect.
– Last night I slept 11 hours without just two minor interruptions.
– Bought lot of flowers for apartment on the market this morning.
HARD stuff
+had to push myself SO hard to get even really basic stuff done, mostly didn’t succeed
+hemming and hawing
+didn’t return phone calls
+the terrifying exploding alien thing that hasn’t gone away
+worrying about The Green Stuff
+totally ignoring my Lists
+freaking out about The Scarf
+freaking out about The Boxing Mission
+The Habit is getting worse not better
+deciding whether to sign up for [a class]
+the Auditory Processing [phone spmrkf]
+dropping the ball on Practice Infinity
+missing Quaker meeting again
GOOD stuff
+I think MAYBE this time I’ve figured out a good finishing technique?
+Laughing with Dad and the octopi commentary
+The All-Night Bunny and how happy Dad was to receive it
+the Young Adult Quaker retreat!
+A good but scary insight I am beginning to have
+finally finished and mailed The Box and The Scarf
+chocolate chip almond maple cookies
+rainbow socks!
And my band of the week is: The Headbands!
Oh! So much love for the hard and so glad it’s getting better now! *HUGS*
A Chicken on Saturday.
The Good:
The cat! The cat is so good. Her belly fur is so soft. Her little trusting self so dear. Her hiding skills so magnificent.
Kitty!!
Friends who fulfill all the things I need – dear ones I look back with, inspiring ones I look forward with, and lovely ones who are here in the present with me. Friends!
Pate’ for dinner. And breakfast. Mmmm.
Local meats in town. Restocking my freezer with cow from down the street and pork from up the street and eggs from over there. I love the local foods underground here in my little, non rural town. Lucky and blessed.
The HARD:
My divorce was final yesterday (“FINAL”…That word and I have never seen eye to eye)
I knew it was coming and I thought I was prepared, but how do you prepare for that?
I had my first difficult day at work yesterday in 14 months. I didn’t want to blame it on my personal life. There was a lot going on.
My supervisor pulled me aside, after I finally went to him to ask for help, without mentioning my personal stuff and asked me OF ALL THINGS, “Do you feel like you’re on an island?”
Why? Why would he ask me that?! I can’t even watch repeats of Gilligan because they’re on an ISLAND! I don’t DO ISLANDS!…..but I will and I can and I will find the fresh water spring…no matter what it takes.
The GOOD:
I didn’t lower my standard for someone who didn’t care for my standards. It felt great.
Time spent the night of my FINAL, with some Dear, precious friends who have walked with me thus far and know that I don’t do “alone Islands” very well.
The time at work took a wonderful turn once I addressed the “island” issue and I had meaningful moments with my Folks. They really do trust that I know what I’m talking about. Guess what? HA! They’re right. (The only one that has trouble believing that is that MONSTER)
Speaking of monsters, showing MONSTERS, INC. as an object lesson was PERFECT! We analyzed monsters and doors for hours!
The HARD: I’ve just started having nightmares three nights ago.
The GOOD: There’s absolutely nothing or no one to stop me from taking a loooong nap today. (on a hammock in the middle of my island, I’m thinking.)
mmmmm…..chicken….good….
Dear Havi, I had this sleep thing, too, this week! I love going to bed early, and I was all awake for a couple of nights. Hope to get it done tonight. Everything works out PERFECTLY BY ITSELF then, no self effort involved, that’s perfect, I love that. It’s so nice to be clear in the mornings. Love Sandra
Yet more late Chickening. Hi Chickeneers! And Hurrah pretty italics! Everything with emphasis!
I am also a member of the “Oh Hell Hard Week” crowd, though I’ve been trying to be cheerful about it on my blog.
The Hard:
– That sickness from last week? It extended into this week and then…
– I ended up with a day and a half such severe back pain that I couldn’t walk and lovelyman had to help me get to the bathroom and so…
– We ended up going to the emergency room on Thursday.
– Hardly any sleep from Sunday through Thursday.
– Couldn’t work well due to pain.
– Bad mood snappiness.
– Major skin-allergy attack turned severe.
– Thinking for a bit that I wouldn’t be able to travel this month.
– Food spoiling far too quickly in our kitchen.
– Due to some mistakes in time management, having a ton of furniture delivered all at once and blocking things around the apt, which made things horrible for my back.
– HOLY CRAP WIND WTF *gets blown away*
The Good:
* The lovelyman was SO wonderful through my pain and sickness, and so patient w/my snappiness.
* The emergency room visit went much faster than I thought it would.
* Oh thank goodness this happened when I had health insurance.
* Killer antibiotics and prescription-grade anti inflammatories 🙂 🙂 …
* …Which cost under a buck *combined.*
* Getting thai food after being discharged.
* Being able to sleep Thursday night.
* Knowing that the lovelyman will have his own desk instead of sharing part of mine! Hurrah!
* Bending and twisting makes me happy 🙂 Soon I’ll be able to do Shiva Nata again!
* Friday the 13th yay!
* Seeing Kevin Spacey act as Richard III last night. (Thus why this is late 😉
* Harold and Maude Criterion Collection edition moobie released eeeee!!
* Knowing I’d have a 3-day weekend 🙂
Sending loads of love to everyone and hoping this weekend is peaceful and marvelous.
Hand on heart sighs for the hard, enthusiasms for the good. 🙂
This week:
Hard:
The cold returned, and with it snow and sleet. I was afraid that driving Ben to school on Friday would be hair-raising.
Anxiety.
I received a packet of poems and a personal letter written to me by my friend who died last week.
Good:
Friday driving was not as scary as it could have been. I think it helped that normal school was cancelled so there were fewer people on the road.
DH kept the tank on the car full so I didn’t have “will I run out of gas” worries.
Izzy and I went to an *amazing* gallery talk on Wednesday, and the artist offered the answers to some issues I was having about my own work.
I sold some of the kajillion beanie babies out of the studio. More room for art! And a little cash to take Marty out for a belated birthday dinner.
Marty and I went out for a nice dinner at the new hot dog place in town, then to a great lecture on the physics of superheroes.
I made great progress on the Big Drawing.
I think I am sleeping for the rest of y’all. I’ll try to send some of it back 😉
Hard-melting sparkly glitter hair spray for the hard and shimmery pom-poms for the good for all my fellow chickeneers. Or the gentle soothing sound of warm rain to melt stuff and awesome gum boots to jump around the puddles in.
Hard stuff:
* Re-learning how to work on my stuff. Oof!
* Doing painting art, which is a proxy to learning about working on my main, precious thing (which is not art), and realising how out of practice I am. Oof! Especially when compared to last year when I stopped because I thought how out of practice I was compared to the previous year…. pattern, anyone?
* Realising (epiphany?) that where I am in my life journey is necessary so I can learn lessons to go to where I want to be, even though it is not where I want to be at all. Strongly not wanting to be here (specifically, not wanting to do X almost daily) at all.
* I get nightmares when my gentleman friend is not around. Not having an idea how to work on this.
* Stamps (in Aus) are now 60c for posting things locally! Wtf? I bought a stamp back not so long ago that was 55c and then a year before that it was 50c. Minor grumps, but significant for a loving thing I want to do.
Good stuff:
* Joining in the weekly chicken with you (you who is reading this &/or has commented). Many moons ago I used to sporadically comment on chickens. Feels good to join in a community doing this thing again.
* Reworked the Book of Me into an online version. I never checked the hand written version, but this new one is magic.
* Having my sister find and vote on an art thing I made. It made me happy (and provided the scientist bunny inside my head some good evidence).
* I got my awesome boots from the pattern designer Jessica Swift! They are fabulous. I want to wear them all the time. Such bright lush colours and patterns!
* Lego minifigs. Doctor Who minifigs. I am a little in love with minifigs: they are magic toy little, little things of mystery, not knowing what you get until you open one. I love stuff like this. And! Once you have a few, mix them up. I put them in precarious hilarious positions & story diorama around the spaces I hang out it.
* I am enjoying a morning-ish coffee! And not feeling guilty about it.
Did anyone else start singing “substicushiary locomotion”? You know, from the movie “Bedknobs and Broomsticks”?
Oh, just me then…
@Mary Tracy: I’m singing it now!
@Choirqueer Oh goodness! What if Havi’s cushion starts floating int he air and moving of its own accord?
@MaryTracy then we will probably be responsible!
Yay for sleeping! I’m so happy for you. Phew! Relieved.
Oh my.
Havi, hello.
🙂
Mmmm…Monday chicken!
The hard:
The bit at the beginning of the week where instead of getting better I got worse, in an ‘hmmm getting out of bed is quite a challenge’ way. And then drs visits, plus blood tests – including the moment where the nurse kept putting the blood sample containers into the pot in a way that would’ve been funny if it was sitcom but not so much in real life, plus spending several hours feeling like I wanted to throw up after the blood, plus having to reschedule the massage.
An ample side of freaking out and DOOOOOOOOOOM!! to go along with the feeling physically awful.
Not having done any of the things I need to do to send my dissertation off. Eek!
The sadmouse feeling of things ending – the Kitchen Table, my MA.
Some hormonal weirdness too. Just what was needed.
My hair looks terrible and not getting it cut because for most of last week I just didn’t have the energy, and feeling sad about needing to get it cut instead of growing it long.
Yeah, cutting my own hair is so not my superpower.
The good
Best weekend ever. Magical.
This also featured the best hotel room ever.
Seeing the familiar through the eyes of someone for whom it is not familiar at all. Fascinating.
The monster colouring book – and actually colouring the monsters. It still works even if I’m so tired I fall asleep half way through. Yay!
I have another idea for a novel.
Epiphanies wherein I realise that so much that I think is true, is not!
Not hating myself for spending so much of the week in bed.
Bought myself some new books and new thigh high socks.
And signed up for Andrea’s Creative Incubator which I am so excited about. AND I’m not freaking out or feeling guilty about spending this money.
Gorgeous gorgeous sunny weather.
Slowly feeling less awful. And rediscovering the joys of eating eggs, which seems to be related.
Realising that I’m much less trapped in a certain situation that I thought I was. Feeling like this is the start of a huge shift in perception.
Hmm…feels like it’s nap-time. *yawn* Hoping the sleep fairies are visiting everyone who needs them!
This makes my 4th Monday Chicken! That’s a whole month of Chickens!
Oh! It is Monday. Hello Monday, since I have the day off for the holiday, I didn’t notice you standing there.
The week, the Hard:
– Aches and pains in the back. I’ve been trying and trying to stretch, but it’s just not enough.
– The Bear stated an intention at the start of the week and promptly forgot about it… leaving me trying to help him reach a goal that he’d forgotten and didn’t necessarily care about. Frustrates me when he does that, because then we fall into a cycle of me reminding him of something he said he wanted and him thinking I’m mentioning it because I want him to change.
– The cold weather is making my fingernails terribly brittle and they’re trying to break off a full quarter inch before the end of my finger. Potential pain there, and annoying nail-snagging-on-clothes regularly.
The Good:
+ The Bear has had a much easier week than last week. Nothing’s perfect, but we have at least avoided major anxiety meltdowns.
+ I stood up for myself, and asked the friend who’s spent several years not giving me a word in edgewise or asking how I’m doing why she doesn’t seem interested in my life. It was hard for me to do, but she responded well, apologized, and affirmed that she does care.
+ The Project is Finished! Signed, sealed, and delivered – all that’s left is the wrap up paperwork and Revue!
+ I’ve spent a large portion of this 3-day weekend taking care of myself – allowing escapist reading for a bit, checking in and Noticing a bit, and pawing over my stuff to see what’s turned up. I feel very good about how this has gone – I even got Squirrel Time!