In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Okay, this is getting to be a little ridiculous. Time, stop with the flying. I cannot believe it is Friday.
But apparently it is. Again!
The hard stuff
The one night where there was no back to sleep.
Morning began for me at one thirty. That is to say, not very long after midnight.
And it stayed morning.
And at 5:52 that song came on and it was really too much.
Overdoing.
Working way too hard, preparing way too hard, wanting way too hard.
So tired that I couldn’t remember people’s names.
This never happens, because it’s one of my superpowers.
It was disorienting and alarming and generally not fun.
Zombie fog.
I don’t really have anything else to say about that.
If it hadn’t been for the sandwich gnomes, I might have fallen apart completely.
Waiting.
It is not the thing I am best at.
Sadness.
Also not the thing I am best at.
That one horrible thing that was horrible.
I’ll silent retreat on that.
Rally goes by way too unfairly ridiculously fast, you guys!
It was Rally this week. Rally!
And I LOVE Rally and it always ends too soon.
The good stuff
Making things congruent.
Like deleting thirty numbers from phone. And renaming other ones. Sneakiness!
Like depiling a hundred piles of iguanas and doom.
Like revising my system of Anthologies.
Ohmygod Season Opener ohmygodohmygod GNR!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been going out of my mind waiting for roller derby season to start up again.
It’s a lot of fun running trainings for the team I fanatically sponsor/support/live-for, but you know what’s really fun?
Watching them TEAR IT APART in an actual bout. Guns N Rollers destroyed the Heathers at the season opener, and I was proud and happy.
And here’s Amanda’s awesome recap, if you want it broken down.
It’s been a looooong time coming. I really needed that.
Our new drafts (Frank N Hurter and Scouts OnHer) looked amazing, I could not be more ecstatic about having Braidy Punch on the team this year, and everyone managed to do a lot of damage and have a good time. It was spectacular.
I have been happy about this all week, and I will CONTINUE to be happy about this for years.
And Juno made us scarves!
Juno!
Remind me to post a picture of Selma in her tiny little GNR scarf. It is adorable.
Lots of wonderful old Turkish lady yoga.
Happy happy happy rolling around on the floor.
Yay for being (theoretically/symbolically) old and Turkish.
The day of done.
One of the reasons I’m so wiped out is because two days this week were the DAYS OF GETTING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF STUCK THINGS UNSTUCK AND DONE.
That was brilliant.
The Mirror Pool page.
I have been working on the Mirror Pool since September.
It is, among other things, the self-guided entrance exam-that-is-not-at-all-an-exam-but-actually-a-door for my new Floating Playground program.
I needed this page to be an experience. I needed it to be able to teach and to love and to reflect and transform, to set culture and release expectations at the same time. I needed it to do all sorts of things. And I needed it to do MAGIC.
It was a ton of work, and just reading the mirror pool page is basically the equivalent of a graduate program in destuckifying. In fact, if you were to use it as a training manual, which you totally could, it would be worth your entire tuition just for that.
Anyway, getting it ready for the public (and getting me ready to show it to the public) was a big, important process. And this week it happened.
7500 words. We ask people to give it an hour of undivided attention and process, with conscious entry and exit. It’s INTENSE.
But it does the thing it was meant to do. And that, in and of itself, is extraordinary.
The beautiful things people have said about the Mirror Pool page.
Thank you to everyone who emailed and DMed to say how powerful/beautiful/transcendent the experience of visiting the Mirror Pool was.
I cannot even tell you how much I appreciate that.
The Floating Playground is already close to full!
Despite the fact that I have hardly done anything at all to tell people about the fact that it exists.
This is a very good sign.
Rally (Rally!)
This week was Rally (Rally!), and Rally was sublime.
Rally #16 was full of shining, beautiful wonderful surprises, and I madly love every single person who was there.
It was absolutely magical, and I don’t know what to say other than that. Mmmm, Rally glow.
The Enthusiastic.
We convened a fabulous Enthusiastic at Rally, and it was the most fun and inspiring experience.
A thing I thought was going to be really hard turned out to be really great!
And now I don’t need to spend today getting the Playground ready for the sparkling cleaning Heinzelmaennchen.
(Related: I am a supergenius! Though, yes, it took being very-much-not-a-supergenius fifteen times in a row in order to get to that point.)
The fun part of the Chickening happens here.
Tabstravaganza! Or: what’s Havi been up to with all those open Firefox tabs?
- Anna wrote beautifully about a music-related Shiva Nata epiphany: you should definitely read this.
- You guys! Steph is amazing! She made these gorgeous scarves that will be for sale in the Playground Toy Shop. Excitment! I will buy the first one and wear mine the second it arrives.
Also she has the best tagline ever: I knit so I don’t kill people. - Loved the drawing in this sweet post from a blog reader: Logistics Me is 400 pounds and is sitting on top of Adventure Me.
- Here are some notes from the monster manual. And did you see this drawing?! I love it when people post pictures of their colored-in monsters!
- She said very seriously, Max I’m so sorry I can’t talk right now – I have to pay total attention to this cake.
From the archives.
Some old, weirdly pertinent posts that I don’t remember having written, encountered while looking for something else:
- My stuck isn’t talking and also there is a trapeze.
- What is true? What else is true?
- Internal Courtroom Drama.
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Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is brought to you via Rally #16!
Emergency Little Book of Poems
They play quiet, sweet little pieces, lots of harmonies.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- Early brunch prices on the Floating Playground (aka the Floop!) are good for TWO MORE DAYS. January 29 is the last day for that. That’s Sunday.
- If you want to come to a Rally (Rally!) this year, do it! Most of the 2012 Rallies are already full. There are openings in March, May, July and September.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Silent retreeeat on the actual chickening!
Just want to say that everything Havi said about the Mirror Pool? yes yes yes it’s true. I scratched my head for like 3 hours. It was like this:
“oh.”
“ohhhhh.”
“wait, but…”
“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
“wow……..”
“i mean, WOW!!”
Was that a week? Nah – but I guess it was.
The hard:
Not that much really. Noticing that I feel a bit sheepish about that.
The Good:
* Amazing dinner cooked in my very ordinary kitchen by daughter’s current guy who shall remain a mystery because I am not allowed to say his name cause he’s all famous and stuff.
* More progress on my thing. Progress- yay!
* Lot’s of working on my stuff, and Shiva Nata, and writing and general digging in, in the going deep way, not in the hurting myself way.
* Compassionate boundaries – need I say more – except that watching a compassionate boundary transform a relationship right in the moment is astounding.
Hugs, sighs and “aws” for everyone’s week that was.
This week had 35% more of everything:
-work related yuk
-leading to lots of “what the Hell U doing with yer Life” monster stuff. i’,ve been putting off dealing with this for so long, and it has to stop
-so. much. work.
-evenings are very hard
-ugh! i really hate lviing with so much tobacco smoke!
-doing everything for everybody except the Writing Projectb that is OverDue
-a gentle reminder from editor about one of the above–argh! shame! sorrow! wretchedness!
-i really have been making an effort to limit my sugar and i feel so much better when i skip entirely but it was really hard this week
-not even attempting to stay sober
-so much to silent retreat on. retreat! retrreat!
the good:
-these nautical metaphors/proxies REALLY help. ex: my husband and i do not agree on what is clean or organzied, but we agree on what is “shipshape”.
-starting to feel the late winter drive to cleana nd organize the whoel house
-finsihing and submitting the Writing Porject taht has been hanging over me for 4 weeks.
-noticing that i am getting my porjects done more quickly now, and getting more doen over all
-rose tea and evening yoga is helping me smeep at night
-seeing deeper patterns and being able to rewire them
-reading about the Floating Playground and the Mirror Pool and realizing I’m not ready for them, and having that knowledge feel sovereign and safe and okay, and not excluding or reecting.
-thinking I had Level Two arms down so well and ha! take that! love it when my rpactice kicks my ass!
-my intrusive thoughts are down about 90%. it takes a lot to throw me back into that soundtrack, and i am far better at snapping out of it.
-mapping out my projects and seeing how they feed on each other, and they do loook loike flowers and they are in fact fractals.
-moving the yoga mat into the bedroom means i do yoga more often. i’m finding more time to do it. it really is the best new thing this week
-getting so much more done, getting done with less time and greater ease. and learning which things are better let go of.
OMG, yet another week gone by and also the first month of the year almost over?!?!?!?!?!
The hard:
– Exactly this: time zoooooooms by much too quickly.
– A party in the neighbourhood that was the worst acoustic nightmare in a long time and that totally ruined last Saturday night where I felt so ready for sleep.
– Imminent big changes menace my comfort zone and my body’s reply is fatigue.
The good:
– Amazing yoga class, so grounding and strength-building.
– Long walk and then coffee and cake with a friend.
– Lovely restaurant dinner with another friend.
– Husband on his way back from unsafe place.
Chickeneers of the high seas, may ye all have a beautiful weekend.
I loved the mirror page! I entered feeling a bit anxious, but exited feeling very calm, relaxed and ready. Safe and loved. I really liked the experience and it helped show light on where I am.
The hard:
+ Late last year one of my family’s 2 cute adopted sister cats died from a redback bite. Earlier this week, her sister had to be put down due to deteriorating into not eating/drinking, no medication working. They were both still young (5/6 years). Sad, deflated. If there is a god and an afterlife, I am going to kick him square between the nuts.
+ Coming up against some of my stuff in 2 different related situations and throwing a tiny tantrum. It resolved. But….eh.
+ Having trouble with time and time monsters. Currently testing different ideas & approaches, taking notes. Still not fun.
+ Panic symptoms running through body in some evenings, preventing good sleep.
+ Jealously. Fear. Pouting.
The good:
+ A design I entered in a fabric contest reached 22 out of 203! Am chuffed and glad so many liked that design.
+ Arranging minifigs into dodgey *winkwinknudgenudge* type scenarios, heheheh.
+ Watching the morning sun filter through the trees in my street through the blinds.
+ Moving the body. And enjoying it (!). I had a special hatred for P.E. in highschool…
Sunshine, rain and stompy gumboots for you x.
Hard:
–A shoe. Ow.
–Followed by a period of deflation/depression/feeling like crap. Still feeling it, honestly.
–An opportunity is being dangled in front of me. It’s shiny and prestigious, and I suspect that both my partners would want me to jump at it…and I don’t want to. There was a time when I would have, certainly, but now it feels like a step in the wrong direction. Having to contend with the inner voices saying, Are you out of your mind? How can you let this slip away?
Good:
–The Mirror Pool. So very magical and special. I’m still carrying it inside me. It helps. A lot.
–Food again! After twenty-one days of a no-sugar/no-caffeine/no-meat/no-gluten/not-much-dairy/quasi-raw-but-not-the-way-I-did-it eating plan, it’s nice to just eat food when I want it.
–A new awareness of how different foods make me feel. This is one of the benefits of my twenty-one-day adventure: to be able to really notice, “wow, that 20-ounce cafe mocha has left me feeling really awful. Next time, I think I’ll make a different choice.”
–Cave time. Glorious, peaceful cave time.
—Mucho affection from my family.
Yummy sandwiches have a way of making for a better day.
This week’s hard:
– An already tight deadline ended up being moved up even more, and I had a couple long days and a late night last weekend plugging along to meet it.
– Struggles translating an idea into reality.
– A visit from General Laziness.
This week’s good:
– Metaphor Mouse helped me turn something I must do but feel ambivalent about into something I look forward to doing.
– Excitement about the Floating Playground.
– All of the little presents I’ve acquired for my work space over the past year are starting to coalesce and make my space even more pleasant to work in. (And I think Metaphor Mouse needs to help me out with a better word than “office” or “work space.”)
– No pressing work on the schedule after Monday, so I could indulge General Laziness with movies and lunches out and shopping for presents and wandering the tubes. I needed the break.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
Happy chickens!
The Hard:
– stucknesses about various things
– sneaky, ordinary-looking, non-speaking creatures that turn out to be Monsters. Gah.
– schedule issues on something I’ve been asked to do and then told maybe I don’t have to
The Good:
– The Mirror Pool! Not only worthwhile, but delicious!
– Rereading something wonderful that Claire P wrote
– Sunny and warmer after gloomy gray
– Having a fruitful conversation with a particular Monster who, at least for the moment, morphed into a Negotiator. Epiphanies pending.
– Goat cheese wrapped in dried cranberries!
This week the Hard was slow, and creeping. The cough that won’t go away, which means the breathing that never quite feels like its enough, and the not sleeping through the night. Realized that work things are bleeding over into my non-work time and brain, and that’s further messing with my sleep. This must stop.
The Good, but Hard: Deciding that the “bleed-through is an opportunity to practice stronger rituals – shutting the door, moving from one mental space to another. We’ll see how that goes.
Realizing that no matter the money, it’s not long term viable to have work that requires me to keep forcefields up all the time. Part of this is work I can do to remind myself I’m safe anyway, and believe it. But part of this may be finding other work.
The Good: Mirror Pool and lots of pondering.
Lots of writing done – two essays and three novel chapters untangled.
New ideas for my tiny sweet thing, which is starting to feel just a little stronger. Hooray!
@Leni – we use shipshape too – so much more fun than housekeeping!
Emergency Little Book of Poems is my new favorite thing of the day!
I am going to make an actual Emergency Little Book of Poems. I have ones that are good for when I am sad or discouraged, but I often forget to look at them. Thank you for a wonderful idea!
The hard:
I can barely remember this week, let alone what was hard about it. I guess the usual stuff, patterns being patterny and whatnot.
Also, last night there was an incident with a professor. Whereupon I walked out in the middle of class and didn’t go back. So, that’s a thing.
The good:
I made a super good birthday cake. Not only is it absolutely delicious, but it restored my confidence in my cake-baking skills which had somewhat disappeared after the Wedding Cake Incident of 2011.
Some of my stress released, some progress made on getting to the Luminous Self.
I wrote a story! I was having trouble, maybe because my leisurely gestation period was not leisurely, but finally I must have done enough internal work or something and I sat down and switched the story to first person and there it is! A shiny new story!
Oh my GOD this week was intense. And fabulous.
The Hard:
– The Gentleman went out of town. And I prepared for the lonely, and the nothing to do (tons to do!). I didn’t prepare for the “now I have to cook things.” I just want breakfast in bed every day with no effort. That’s all.
– Confusing hard experience with something that could have been really wonderful. I prepared so well! And it went well-ish (I thought it went well. Or I think I thought it went well…).
And if only two people in authority hadn’t turned to me at the end and said “You’re really new at this, huh?” and “That was awful.”
Except not “if only,” because it’s just my stuff. And I’m surprised and proud of how little I was bothered by flying objects that resembled shoes. I’m just still very confused by the bothered that is left.
– So so so much to do.
– Person literally calling me and listing more things they think I need to do (that don’t effect *them* in any way). Though maybe this should go under good, because it totally cracked me up. Oh really? How would I have known what my life needs if you hadn’t called to tell me?
– My great aunt died. Which itself was actually a good thing, but the event was like a rock into the pool of my family and now all kinds of unrelated detritus is washed up and everyone’s stressed.
– Unsovereign yoga class made my body hurt for DAYS. It was worth it for what I learned about situations that harm me, but only barely. And still, ow.
– The humane society is having a sale, so the only cats left are the ones that have been really traumatized, and it’s so hard to explain to people that they’re sweet underneath, and to find people who want to invest in a being with a history, not just get a toy that happens to be alive.
– Random mini rashes in strange places (like the top of my nose). Poor skin.
– I still need to call back all the same people I needed to call back last week.
The Good
– The Mirror Pool! It clarified and expanded upon some things that were confusing me. Which was huge! I was pretty excited about that alone. Then I realized that at deeper levels it changed EVERYTHIHNG. Most of the rest of the good was catalyzed by the Mirror Pool.
– I told everyone about how strange my relationship is! And then two days later the gentleman went on a date with someone super awesome who is actually interested in us (how is that possible?). I get to meet her soon and it’s all happening with lots of ease and spaciousness and love.
– I had the empowering amazing realization that it is always my option to walk out of yoga. Or anywhere. I can just leave! Always!
– Then (highly related), a super sassy future version of me waltzed into my journal completely unexpected and showed me an entirely new way of relating to people. And I feel so much more myself and safe and sovereign.
– Also more interesting and colorful. Like I can trust myself to stick up for myself in a deeper way. So now I can be myself. And it turns out I wasn’t boring before, I was just hiding.
– THEN I did thirty minutes of deep breathing while working with a really simple energetic technique, and I ended up being in my body more deeply than ever in my life.
– And this had the unexpected side effect of me becoming insanely good looking. Which made me happy instead of just nervous.
– The force is strong with me! Not once did I get scratched or bit when carrying semi-feral cats. Not once.
– I am caught up on accounting! There are still some small mysteries to solve (I just have to go receipt diving), but otherwise everything is totally current up to exactly this moment. And I have a new, slightly easier system for dealing with it.
– Massive progress on some exciting projects that need silent retreating for the moment. But hopefully not for long.
The Hard:
Hired a housekeeper and had to clean when she was done. Yes, a first world problem, but hiring someone and having them not do their best is a problem for the world.
My assistant at work continues to annoy me. In ways that make it difficult to say “this is annoying, stop it.”
There is a pattern here. Something about clearer instructions, firmer boundaries, hiring slowly.
The Good:
The Cat! She continues to amuse me and be obsessed with the red pen.
Met my new PCP today. I liked her. And got an ekg, which was kind of cool.
Cheese and pate’ for dinner. Just because.
Found my novel that I started in October of 2010 and really liked it. And was surprised by how much I’d written. And am going to write more.
Lots of good sleep lately.
Hola! And Friday yet again! Cheers, all!
The hard: I just realized I always want to make excuses for the hard, and say how really, the hard is ok. And then thinking, aw, I only have these wimpy little hards. Which, why do I want to have hards? This is why I put so much effort into processing and dealing… Heh. Anyway…:)
–
First! Deep, deep thankful bow, hand on heart for the beauty of the Mirror Pool page.
I want to eat it I loved it so much. Inexplicable so it must be magic. Thank you.
the Hard–
-changing food intake to check for food sensitivities. crabby, bloated, uncomfortable
-missing ocean
-missing usual food routines, eating out
-tired of thinking about food/digestion
the Great–
-lots of writing, play
-lots of fun and intimacy
-mirror pool [see above] yeah!
-door closings in the best possible way, mindfully
Chicken! Yay! And @Leni, it was probably a typo, but I loved the word “smeep.” It feels like a quick, tiny nap. Just a smeep! 😀
The Hard:
Some depression-wrestling. Sliding from vacation-time to OMG-must-get-done, and struggling to shift back.
Not getting things done. Or feeling like I don’t know how things will ever get done.
The surprisingly anxiety attack that the Mirror Pool induced. My stuff — the Mirror Pool was lovely, but apparently, I have a few door issues to massage before the Leap.
The Boy and The Dog bringing up demand/failure issues.
The Good:
Time thing! I have one! I have routines for the day that actually work, and some clean edge boundaries. Woot!
Really good chili. Going to bed early. Self-care. Processing. Reading for fun.
A few scenes written, where I didn’t have any scenes.
Reading The Fluent Self Archives. Here’s a weird one: there’s the post on conversation with blocks, part 3 (I think) where Havi faces fear — and discovers worms burying a NEST. Blew. My. Mind. Especially after the last “nest” post!
Looking forward to VPA’s. 🙂
What a silly little comment up there 🙂
-Hmm… So work situation. At old firm. That I quit for a fair number of Undefined reasons. One I could identify was – there’s certainly more congruent things I can do with my life. Which (HOORAYS!) I seem to have found.
But being back there reminds me of all the other reasons it was reasonable to quit. So I’m dealing with all the things I ran away from once. It’s hard. and still, go me.
-A shoe from that situation. I was doing too much and making things too complex and taking too long (= they think I’m just dragging my feet). Cringe. Haha, and I WOEMED, and that is a great idea.
-The moneys
-I’m working lots all of a sudden (oh, my poor stretches-o-time!)
-but it takes time for money to trickle in. Certainly banking systems are sophisticated enough that money should just trickle in at your hourly rate as you work.
OK, time for goods. Ahhh, more comfortable.
-I. LOVE. TEACHING! yes. it feels good to say. and do. and why am I not teaching more? (maybe I’m making my hards good and my goods hard…)
-Tutoring was amazing! Relearning maths that I used to be so, so good at – and being able to pass it on. Sparks! of playing with brains! So fun!
-A day of play! One day off this week, theme was play, outcome was delight+crazy productivity, involving
-Shiva Nata with grapefruit. Play! and sing-song made numbers feel different and strange and lovely flowing.
-Which lead to brain sparks which lead to WHOA creative yoga-flow planning! That was SO fun!
-And student-couple who LOVED the class that resulted! And they want to play together more, and words of niceness. Aw, yay words of niceness.
-Randomly, I got to act out/be a very strange 50s secretary… With a wood-grain stapler, and did you know people still file and keep accounts by hand? How fabulous! for 1 day.
-I got lost! and being my weird self means that was a highlight of the week. because I always find my way eventually, and I feel sneaky and cool. And sweaty, in this case.
-My most lucrative hour this week… was quite possibly my favorite hour of the week. That fills me with hope.
Thanks for the chickening! I feel in a way like I’m practicing admitting I have things I could say on a (whisper) blog… since the Floop is not going to happen this season, that would be good… Love to all the soft and hard together, and most of all to the people!
Lots of journalling this week. Helps me look back and see what happened!
Hard:
-meeting with people whose Stuff was coming up like whoa. I tried some of the things that apparently can help in that kind of situation, but I felt kind of overwhelmed by the larger group dynamic. So I’m focusing on my own oxygen mask and recovering from that. Meep.
Good:
-The mirror pool! I mean, yes, intense. But more like a massage can be intense when it’s working on important stuff.
-Really grokking with my whole body the concept of sovereignty. It’s sort of like the Burning Man concept of Radical Self-Reliance, but inside of you 🙂
-I spent a lot of time on Tuesday thinking about Future Me. How I’m not always In-The-Process, but how that self deserves care kindness and trust and space too. I thought about what she might need and what nice things I could do to set things up for her. And I realized that there was this whole pile of things in the bedroom that I could completely reconfigure to make life better for her, and I did all of that in one night. In one night! With power tools! Now the bedroom is not such an iguana-pit. I can hang out there. There’s a lamp. There’s a PLACE to hang the things I used to pile on the dresser. I found my “Hello World” ring on the dresser after the depiling. I can do simple yoga-esque stretches there (which is where a lot of the sovereignty-grokking came from). In short, it was the best present EVER. Thanks, Tuesday-me!
-I played with some exciting new mediums (media?) in the studio, and talked to a wall that wanted to divide the world into Art [OK for me to work on] and Craft [must avoid at all costs for reasons some monster-like voices assure me are Very Sound]. I know that the wall is still there, but after our conversation, it’s starting to feel more like a speed bump than a wall.
Big hellos to everyone but especially the Playground, which always seems to glow a lot brighter in the mental landscape during Rally weeks. Hello, Playground! You are beautiful! You are making Portland more beautiful!
Also, wow what a week. Glad to see I’m not the only one!
The Hard
– That one night with Penny. Unspeakable feelings afterward.
– Penny not sleeping very well, in general, poor schmoo.
– Finding out Penny is still sick and I had overestimated her recovery. Sadface mama.
– Hormones! Beastly hormones!
– The sad cucumber that didn’t get eaten. It made me sad.
– The noise situation at work. We’ve moved from the BEEP-BEEEEEEP-BEEEEP clatter-clatter phase into the Constant Echoey Banging And Nailguns phase, which is in theory quieter, but in practice all I can think is, really? really?? There’s something MORE annoying that the beep beep of cranes and trucks? Wow. Also, ow my head.
– Two things from the Mirror Pool (so deep heart-changingly awesome!) happened this week in real life and were extra-noticeable. Wow, just like the Mirror Pool said it would be. And they were hard, even though I had extra powers of discernment around them.
the Good! The really really good!
+ I have been practicing entry and exit ALL WEEK. It started Sunday with my VPA, and just kept going. And it kept getting better and better, easier and clearer. Patterns popping out of the woodwork!
+ I was able to write a little bit about it on my blog to explain the magic after struggling a bit on how to write about it. I can still hardly put into words how big and how important this was. Huge huge huge.
+ This week has been so awesome I’ve had a hard time even remembering the hard stuff that happened this week. Except since I now have all my exit/revue pages (ritual!) I went back and read about it! Yay!
+ Time. Sweet, sweet time. Enough of it.
+ Mindfulness. Mindful eating. Mindful working.
Productivity. Wow.
+ The Mirror Pool and its magic. The process of visiting, of processing it while I read it. The heart-deep smile and sense of peace I had afterward.
+ Learning about the Sloop (which is my thing that takes me to the Floop and is very very important)
+ The Floating Playground! Excitement! Anticipation!
+ Getting books at the library that I needed for the Floop! Feeling supported. Resources and enoughness.
+ I created an actual Book of Me this week. Or really, an anthology of resources and revues that I use to discern items to go in the Book of Me section. Also, it is beautiful. It’s decorated with cupcakes. It has tiny flags. I love it so much.
+ Being able to discern my needs, and fulfill them.
+ The Library of Tea in my office is a new thing, and it is super extra amazing. And kind of like an oracle — it tells you about the thing you need. And gives it to you. I think I accidentally stored some of my discernment in there, actually.
+ Serrano peppers! Wanting to put them in everything.
+ Taking a much needed nap.
+ Things moving and happening quite generally in the direction of awesomeness. Emails, plans, purchases, recipes. General flow of awesomeness this week has been pretty powerful to witness.
+ Feeling very, very at home and happy and good and grounded in my body. Feeling so tremendously humble and grateful to have this experience and this week. I needed it so very, very much.
.
Kisses and hugs to all!
The Mirror Pool *was* marvelous. My heart felt full after reading it.
The hard:
Hmmm. I feel like there was hard, but I am not remembering it in this moment. Well, there was pain related to an epiphany, but the epiphany was important and I don’t mind that sort of pain. Also, it felt like I wasted a great deal of time during the time in which I was supposed to be Rallying, but somehow it turned out that there was much serendipity and many things got done so really I used my time perfectly and did not waste it at all. Also, there was much rain and I was starting to wonder how on earth I would take my weekly radiance photos, but then the sun came and I appreciated it so. Also, my body is wondering if I know of this thing called a vegetable.
The good:
Sunshine! Happy dog and happy me and happy camera in the sunshine!
Friends and food and coffee and conversation.
My “I want to go ice skating” VPA came true.
Lots of epiphanies. Related, I have a name for what I do. Wheeee!
Pine Street Biscuits. Goodness, do they have good fried chicken.
Skype. Which makes it feel like people are much closer than Spain when, in fact, they actually are in Spain.
More epiphanies.
Hard:
* metaphor: the water is cold enough that I don’t want to jump back in, even though I really enjoy swimming once I get past the ACK COLD COLD COLD part. And then there’s the kid doing cannonballs on the far side of the pool…
* envy
* urge to hurl eyebrow pencils against wall
* no clue when contractors will resume work on house
Good:
* absence of contractors = working in peace, and also being able to improvise a decent background for some photography I needed to do since it doesn’t yet matter how many more holes I put into the walls
* a good chat with my publisher about schedule and marketing and cover art
* learning about powdered eyeliner
* lunches and coffees and hikes with various folks
* finding out about free shipping at lulu this week –> ordering a book that’s been on my “wait until free shipping” list
* getting work done in spite of feeling grey
Wishing you all bonne chance with your rallies and nests and forts.
Cluck cluck! Hello cheeps.
Hard stuff…
– tiiiiiired. It’s midsummer downunda and I’m all swollen and have to pee three times a night and its kind of boring doing beached whale impressions. Think I need to go to a compounding pharmacy/naturopath and get me some Strengthening Elixer to help support Lady Parasite AND my body. What with me being the one who’s going to be birthing and nursing and everything… Oh yes… a good chance to do some Conscious Entry, plant some presents for Future Me etc…. Mmmmmm…. Just a little longer beached-whaling it……..
– cash moneys not flowing in because of my own (idiocy) aversion to bureaucracy and generalized childishness around making sure money is flowing into my kingdom….
– being lightly (and rightfully) crunched for generalized childishness and consequences for our family. Failfog and shame swamp got a visit. I don’t want to go back there. Just naming the doors helped keep it separate enough that the quicksand didn’t suck me in. This is me feeling ashamed. This is me feeling useless. This is me taking to my bed. …. … …This is me getting out of bed because Extensive Scientific Studies have shown it doesn’t make me feel less useless… etc…. Hard.
– bumps, scrapes and general mortification after trying to be superwoman and do stunt driving when the car broke down and falling over and having car run over foot (not as heavy as you’d think!) and watching car roll away with nobody inside and luckily random stranger superhero managed to do much better stunt driving and it was fine but so much for humility eh???? Deeeeeeerrrrrrr…… And husband being away on tour and nobody in the whole damn band answering their phone so I couldn’t say whaaaaaaah as quickly as I wanted to….
– that’s it really. Not too much hard. Good. Oh, annoyingly having to do all interwebs on iphone cos laptop is out of town and I intentionally did not keep the other computer in my soon-to-be work/play/deskspace. Except the mirror pool which I went to the State Library for cos (I know where the best terminals are hidden) the occasion warranted it. But everything else, tippy tappy tippy tappy errggh. #reallynotthatbigadeal!!
Good stuff
+ having written something that became a good in someone’s chicken!!! *blushes* *waves!!!*
+ getting ready to visit the Mirror Pool. With proper embarking and capering and conscious entry and NOT even sneaking a quick look for THREE DAYS of intense ‘me-waaantey-lollipoooop!!!’ whining from two year old me. Proud of yes-I’m-ACTUALLY-an-adult Me staying at the front of the V, who even put myself to bed halfway through embarking because the best way to become who I wanted to be going into the experience was to get some rest before finishing the embarking. Wow, verr mature!!
+ visiting the Mirror Pool!! And embracing my achingly nerdish way of going through it… Percentages!! Soooooo nerdy….
+ mistress-mind group correspondences (NOT ‘mastermind’ blergh) flying thick, fast and imbued with 171,000 sparklepoints and general awesomeness
+ rereading and analyzing some of my Meta resources and finding things marrying up just PERFECTLY and developing my General Theory of Sabre Toothed Tigers and feeling good about making some damn PROGRESS on tiny sweet thing (thing!) (eeep!) after much percolating and mush. Form! Out of mush! Yay.
+ some more progress on making space for the baby and space for me. Desk!!!! Piles of crap thrown out!!! Sovereign farewell to fabric stash I’m NEVER going to do anything with cos I’m just NOT Martha Stewart much as I’d like to be. Words are my thing, needlepoint I just suck at and don’t get off on that much anyway. I was getting off more on the idea of being someone who could do needlepoint. But I’m not. And that’s okay. Farewell fabric stash, I’m sure you’ll find someone at the op shop who’ll love you better than I did. 🙂
There’s more but I’ve had enough tippy tappy tippy tappy that’shallfolksh!!
xoxo
Just two weeks ago I learned the power in re-naming contacts in my cell phone… What joy! I totally applaud you for that house-cleaning and revamp of your contact list.
Also… I had a 2am-no-going-back-to-sleep-night myself this week, and it is just not fun. Hope you’ve recovered…. you sound energetic and enthusiastic, so I hope that fog has lifted!
Thanks for writing!
The Good: reading this (thank you, Havi!): “I am a supergenius! Though, yes, it took being very-much-not-a-supergenius fifteen times in a row in order to get to that point.”
I think I’m in silent retreat on the chicken,
but I have got to say that I’m SOOO excited about the floating playground
And the Mirror Pool page was such an amazing experience.
When I first started to enter it, I just felt myself in the room with the pool, and then I found that I was immersing myself in it which was a huge surprise – because it didn’t seem like something I would do, yet it happened spontaneously and felt so RIGHT.
not just amazing, but also wonderful.
Thank you for it, Havi. And I can wait for the floating playground – bounce, bounce, bounce.
😉
Sandwich gnomes! I’m going to enlist some for next week!
The Week That Was:
Complete inversion of sleep patterns!
The stone-skipping and the Mirror Pool page — OMG. Anxiety stirred up, stuffed down, leaked out the edges… food binges, marathon monster conversations … It was intense.
At its height, I began to deal with an iguana that had been sitting and glowering at me for months, and it felt so good to have that done! I was anxiety-free for a while because of it.
Much learning because of the above. Insights. Making plans now to use what I learned.
Wow.
The class I teach at the Community College started Monday; there was a lot of confusion about whether it would happen, and then they changed the book used for my class and for the next level (the one I don’t teach). They’re killing the program. Gaaah! But my students are lovely and it will be fun to teach there again.
Hard and good mixed together. Just like always. Just like life.
Hugs and blessings to all.
*** Waving! ***
Hello brave chickeneers of the high seas 🙂
With hoppy in my heart and warmth in my soul and courage on my mind, hellooooooooooooooooo
The Hard
– shoes shoes shoes.
traveling with teenage sisters & much drama & not knowing which response is right.
– my stuff
feeling like a parent rather than a traveling companion. feeling responsible. also feeling – but what about me? how can i care and be patient when i feel so depleted?
– another shoe by my supervisor.
taking it badly. pretty much panicking for a while – with added panic from my parents. feeling like everyone panics and nobody is safe. remembering that feeling from before.
the good
+ the floating playground, all the pages that come with it, the anticipation, and thinking there will be a way to talk to everyone in this love-filled, playground environment. exciting! also – peeking at the mirror page and getting excited to spend a whole hour there soon.
+ being away & traveling – it feels mostly like “being back. ” it confirms so many things.
thing 1: i love being in south-east asia. part of my childhood was here. it seems the only reason i avoided travel was the worry i’d never come back. now i never want to come back. hehehe. but i will. i will go back filled with excitement, knowing there are places full of growth and warmth despite lesser living conditions.
thing 2: i am fine. i will be fine. i don’t need much to be fine.
+ Slightly Wiser Me.
There was a lot of hard (see below). But eventually she showed up. Oh my. I might be so much stronger than I thought. Or at least SWM is. If nobody is wise I guess I will have to be. And then find a place to fall apart later, later, when things are safe again.
+ Courage.
It’s the new word of the month.
I will need courage to publish my papers, talk to the supervisor, establish peace with the siblings and parents. It feels like it has to come from me. but also -I have it. when i know how to call upon the quality/superpower (which is by naming it, only), it is there. It would be nice to fall apart, but if I can’t, courage will do the trick. I will build a Safe House for me and take it from there.
First time chickening…
The hard:
– on again off again episodes of a mysterious and debilitating stomach bug. I feel certain that there’s a food trigger involved but can’t work out what it might be. The only suspect is figs… but I love figs!! Why would they cause me grief?!
– hot, hot, hot weather! In fact, a heatwave! And correspondingly not being able to sleep comfortably in my own bed.
– I’m in an avoidance space at the moment. Got lots of things to do, but not getting any of them done. Money seems to be a common block, as many of my “to do”s seem to involve spending it!
– And in related news… the beginning of the money drought! The cafe closes for two weeks on Monday and during that time we are cash-flow-less. And therefore pretty much cashless. :/
– treading water creatively. I’m ok with it, and on some level am happy that I’m even managing to do that much! But it makes for very boring blogging… 😉
– I feel like I’ve got a lot of stuff that I want to write/do at the moment but my energy is cycling inwards rather than. It’s a bit frustrating. But I’m still respecting it… and I guess that feels like of good.
The good:
– I’m finally back on the horse, cooking-wise.. meaning that I’m making healthy, yummy meals that I feel good about eating.
– Air-conditioning! I am truly grateful that in the middle of a heat wave I have a couple of cool rooms to hang out it.
– Looking forward to my parter’s two weeks “off” starting next week!
– Yesterday my midwife told me that bub was head down, which made me happy. I’ve been dreading a breech baby for some reason so it was nice to hear that things are in the right direction!
Ah… that feels better!
The Mirror Pool is gorgeous and beautiful and reminds me of a word-butterfly. Thank you so much for creating it!
The hard:
Having several things to do this week that HAD to be done now, and were time and energy consuming, and not particularly interesting. When what I wanted to do was go inwards and rest.
That plus + sleep disturbance equalled mid-week exhaustion.
Sent my MA dissertation off. Eek!
Incredibly unsovereign and stressful communications.
The money monster riot after I hand in notice for the contract I’m working on.
Drunken shouty obnoxious neighbour being so at 2am. Gah!
Something I assumed was going to happen isn’t. Big disappoiontment. Uncertainty monsters also making their presence known.
Worrying about someone.
The good:
Finally, finally starting to feel better. I had the will and energy to go for a walk yesterday just because. I woke up this morning with some energies and enthusiams. Yay!
Saying no to things I don’t want – feels good.
I have found the first person who who wants to pay me to join me in the magic circle.
Sending of my MA dissertation and being free to focus my energy on what I want to and what is right for now.
Not getting sucked into the money monster pit of doom.
Playing with Andrea’s wonderful Creative Dream Incubator course, which is so perfect for me right now and full of goodness.
And the Mirror Pool…so much to say that isn’t really fitting into words. And I interestingly mis-saw something on the page, which is a fascinating clue. (Monsters would like to add that both versions were good.)
Starting closing doors, making space for the new. Big things, little things, it all feels good.
Planning on spending this weekend just playing with what brings me joy. Yay!
Oh wow, seeing all these chickenenenenings about people visiting the Mirror Pool has me even MORE excited. I’m stretching my comfort zone budget-wise to be Flooping this year, but the more I think about it, the more it feels like Exactly What I Need To Do…so, YAY.
I had a really awesome week…I actually had to really think hard about whether anything really sucked this week, it was so minimal. So, YAY.
Hard Stuff:
+Snow. Blech! And having to drive in it.
+Missing half the workshop on arranging a cappella music, due to the BLECH snow.
+The High School Cafeteria Flashbasco
+Frustration dealing with the library, compounded with frustration that dealing with the library (my Safe Space!) is frustrating.
+Feeling like I should be remembering my dreams, but not making the effort to record them
+Anxiety about setting prices for things people want to buy from me
+saying goodbye to a coping mechanism that is probably best to let go of, but is still hard to live without
+Broke my guitar string while trying to change it! NOOOOOO!!
Good Stuff:
SO MUCH GOOD STUFF THIS WEEK!!
+A cappella workshop!
+Leading Meeting for Learning on gender identity at Quaker meeting
+Formally initiating the process of membership in my Quaker meeting
+SO MANY COOKIES
+Re-discovering the joy of reading in the bathtub
+Finishing two books recommended by friends (Memory and Dream by Charles de Lint, and The Girl Who Circumavigated Fairyland In A Boat of Her Own Making by Catherynne M. Valenti)
+Made an awesome dragon puppet! And a video of my awesome dragon puppet! http://vimeo.com/35663883
+Designed a pattern for fingerless gloves that I can use for sale!
+Did a bunch of work on another, more complex patter for fingerless gloves, that I will also be able to use for sale soon!
+Visiting the Mirror Pool! This was probably the awesomest thing I did all week. Or, it would have been, if I hadn’t also done all these other fabulous things this week. 🙂
+Shiva Nata breaks!
+My a cappella group’s recently recorded tracks were released this week!
+Vegan brunch and impromptu singalong on my friend’s back porch
+Creamy mushroom kale soup!
+North African style chickpea millet stew!
+Fairies!
+Playing with my chakras!
+Getting a new, healthier perspective on what it means for me to be Working and to be Contributing To Embettering The World With My Work
+The family of (at least!) 8 deer that lives on the hillside outside my apartment window and frolics around up there, to my great delight
+Maurice Sendak! Both his interview with Stephen Colbert (http://www.hulu.com/watch/322712/the-colbert-report-grim-colberty-tales-with-maurice-sendak-part-1) and subsequently re-discovering the magic of my childhood of Really Rosie (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9Y3mWDkB6o)
And my fake band of the week is: The Badoom Chicks!
Whoa. Chickening. Wholly new after this last week’s experience. Hi, Chicken-on-Saturday! Hello everyone else’s Chickens!
@choirqueer – YAY Really Rosie! I pulled out that book 2 weeks ago & was singing Alligators All Around 🙂
Here’s the Us of the week! —
Ouch Hard:
– Last week’s writing call did not work well at all.
– Inadvertently throwing a shoe, not realizing until it had left my hand – “oh no! that’s a shoe!” – and then not knowing how to apologize for it.
– Madly missing the lovelyman.
– …And becoming aware of a dependence therein that I’m not sure about.
– Disruptive gut flora.
– Discovering no names despite asking for the superpower. The feelings within that experience which also had no names.
– The crazy-hard breakdown on Wednesday morning. Silent retreat on it.
– The window without a shade on my flight home. OUCH.
– A major stuck concerning needs and wants and the differences between the two.
– A sudden deep craving for my purple hair.
– Odd body-cramps striking at odd times.
– Gaaagh 3500 emails waiting for me!
– One of those emails immediately starting off demonstrating what they called “guilt monkeys…”
Whee Good Woofs Woofs:
* Everything working perfectly time-wise on Monday.
* Work-people trying to be really supportive.
* I fell in spirit-love with a number of new people.
* “Mark well what I do say…”
* Receiving messages about the qualities of freedom and joy.
* Building a mental Treehouse.
* Writing!! YAY!! Found the key there. Endings are keys! And also doors!
* Having the marvelous epiphany that I am living with and am madly in love with someone who symbolically runs mini-Enthusiastics multiple times per day. SUPER Yay on that!!
* Getting to create the Book of US and being prepared to enter the process of Roll Call (for lack of a better name).
* Coming home to the puppila and receiving what amounts to an Arrival Enthusiastic.
Mrrrrrr to everyone’s Hard and DelightFetti to everyone’s Good! Love and love and love.
@Rosa: Yay! Also, yay purple hair! I have purple hair! People with purple hair (past, present, or future) are automatically considered to be my family. 🙂
Sleepy Saturday Chicken, yay! 🙂
Funny that you posted “What is true? What else is true?” from the archives, @havi, because that has been the question I have been asking about everything all week! Incredibly useful!
This week!
The Good:
– The wondrousness of the Mirror Pool! Completely ecognizing what space I am in and knowing that the qualities of that space make it exactly where I should be. Yay! (And a particular question where I thought I was in a certain place but another answer made me realize I was actually in a different place – and it was SO much better! *deep down smile*)
– Without intentionally planning it, I happen to be taking a trip to NYC the same weekend that fellow Rallion Simone is teaching her first Shiva Nata class so I get to be a part of it! Hey universe, way to be awesome!
– Waiting to book my plane ticket home from my upcoming trip to Montreal. Trusting that it would work out even as monsters were telling me I was waiting too long, so I was going to pay too much money, and doom of DOOM! But, by trusting in ease and flow and not forcing things, I ended up saving a lot of money on the ticket, and I get to fly on my favorite airline! Yay!
– Found the perfect simple solution (for now, at least) to deal with a money iguana that had been hanging over my head for months – he is quite the aerial acrobat, this iguana!
– A phone call from someone that makes me happy. Still smiling about it! 🙂
– Letting go of the need for my tiny sweet blog thing to be perfect before I “launch” it. And realizing I don’t have to “launch” it because, ack, I do not like that word. Also realizing I don’t have to have a “strategy”. Epiphany! And a really important one. I had a lot of incongruencies and other people’s stuff in my head about this and finally noticing and releasing all that was exactly what needed to happen. (Thanks to Simone for the support in figuring this out!)
– So Andy (my traveling teddy bear) has a blog now! Yay! 🙂 Whispering about it to people who will nurture this tiny sweet thing instead of “launching” it into a world of potentially not right people has felt so congruent.
The Hard:
– A family member who does not understand the principle that “people vary” or the concept of sovereignty. Having to invoke a very strong force field for every interaction with this person, and there have been multiple interactions this week.
– Recognizing a pattern wherein every time the phone rings, I automatically assume that the call will be a hard, even though it hardly ever is. Happily, I just realized that the perfect simple solution might be to get some custom ring tones so I can immediately identify who is calling and know that it is a good thing!
– Worry that my perfect simple solution for my money iguana might only be temporary, and I will have to deal with it again in a few months. My monsters predict some serious doom of DOOM, but I am trying to remind them that they can’t possibly know what will happen in a few months, and perhaps I will have an even better solution for dealing with this iguana then. To help my monsters deal with this, I am going to buy flowers. “And by the time they wilt and lose their petals, things will be better. Or at least different. But I hope better.” (www.fluentself.com/blog/not-hating-on-yourself/sovereignty-casserole/) That might be my favorite thing you have ever written, Havi. *happy hand-on-heart sigh*
I love Chicken Amnesty.
The hard:
*Food! I am doing a complicated food thing and sometimes I just want to eat ice cream. Hard.
*Self-doubt. On a bunch of fronts at once! It is hard to say no to something when everyone-who-loves-you says to say yes.
*Tricky surprises. Even when they turn out okay, being surprised by them is not fun.
*Owowow. Weird mysterious physical pain with no discernible cause = lots of old emotional pain and worry about whether my body will be okay.
*When all I have is a story about old pain, everything looks like it’s happening all over again. Noticing it and nudging patterns helps, but ouch.
The good:
*Mirror Pool! Possibility, grace, acceptance. And I can go back and visit it whenever I want.
*Transformation of “no one will help me” into “maybe I can do this myself.”
*Rest. Even when there isn’t enough of it, some of it is so much better than none of it. And noticing good choices I made around it, even when there were other important-feeling things.
*Awesome compliment from a near-stranger on holding boundaries with grace. Wow.
*Clarity about one tiny corner of something that felt big and unfathomable.
*mad enthusiasm for more purple hair in the world* 😀
The hard:
Normal concern about loved one’s health hijacked by You Aren’t Doing Enough monster.
People throwing shoes at my loved one. Grr. Trying to support but not try to fix it.
Getting more and more sure that I need to exit through a big door. Terrifying.
The good:
Joyful gig with the energy flowing back and forth between us and between us and the audience. Lots of praise all week.
The Mirror Pool. So powerful, in both pain and ease. I keep going back to check on it.
Steady destuckifying work, which means that other things keep flowing instead of stopping and starting.
Our first order from our new website (from someone we don’t know, to boot)!!
Lovely student marketing team is using us as a project and will do all kinds of research for us, and maybe even produce a video.
Blog post got featured on a “best of” site!
I’m pretty sure the mean person has been thwarted. Worry subsiding.
Getting more and more sure that I need to exit through a big door. Exhilerating.
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard:
– the buses, planes, and TSAs of travel
– disrupted routines
– listening to people that talk in buzzwords and don’t actually *say* anything
The Good:
– spending a few days in DC for a conference but also getting to catch up with some friends from when I lived there 7 years ago
– quiet time for writing
– getting to know a colleague better
ah, how i’ve come to appreciate the Friday Chicken, and am always amazed at how difficult it can be to remember what transpired in the last 5 days!!!!
The Good:
– feeling more in a groove with my schedule and fiercer insistence on how i want to use my energy. check, check and double-check…
– speaking of checks, i changed up my approach to daily to-do lists… putting fewer things on them, letting them be more realistic and spacious, and allowing for more “organic flow-y” space, which = more trust in things unfolding naturally…
– signed up for Mark’s Heart of Business Money Class. It feels super good. I saw the signs, got the responses to my asking and paid for it without feeling the teeniest bit of guilt.
– also, related to this, is that I started writing down my dreams this week, consistently and sitting with them. Many of which are related to money.
– slept good for 3 of the 6 last nights… not bad.
– painted 3 days this week.
– started doing The Remembrance Challenge
– recognized how I was feeling on friday (no desire whatsoever to be productive) and allowed space for that more than I normally would.
– notified my partner that i was in my fierce, want-to-wrestle mood before engaging…
– skyped with my niece several times.
– saw a beautiful performance friday night.
– rested this weekend.
The Hard:
– more back tension and working tensely.. sigh…
– my high expectations of myself.
– feeling so much anger towards the shadow stuff that I’m scared of.
– getting into an “argument” about something that wasn’t the real issue…
– felt embarrassed about how i reacted.
– being mean to myself and my body images.
– pushing too hard, and not knowing entirely how to stop…
– the realization that trust and surrender are really scary for me.
Chicken. Ah, the chicken.
The Hard
-moments of wanting to run away and join the circus
-tiredness and resulting weakness in forcefield
-various work related stresses
-feeling like different ways I want to care for myself are in conflict which each other
-avoidiness and guilt about it
The Good
-mirror pool – still percolating through my brain
-choosing to observe and take notes rather than just be in the suck
-got a haircut – my head feels lighter, and I looove getting the shampoo and scalp massage
-found a restaurant where I could just get a simple grilled cheese sandwich when that was what I was craving for lunch
-started re-reading a favorite book series