In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
This week was all about Going Dark, which is what I call it when I must run awaaaaay!
Part chrysalis, part Emergency Vacation. But mainly, run awaaaaay!
This is how I wanted to prep for Rally (Rally!), which is — ohmygod the twentieth Rally!?!?! Wow. And yay! — starting on Monday.
And it was also a chance to let the new Pirate Crew run Stompopolis without any help from me. Scary. And awesome.
So basically the hard and the good this week was all the same.
For example, watching Grimm put this song in my head. If that isn’t the most horrible and wonderful thing ever, I don’t know what to say. Mein Schatz, es ist vorbei.
See what I mean? It was all the same.
The hard stuff
- Being gone (and preparing for being gone).
- Traveling.
- Not being in charge.
- Trusting that things will run without me.
- Busy mind. Lots to think about.
- Not having access to computer or internet.
- Transitions! So much hard!
- Decision-making! So much hard!
- Recovery.
- Not doing.
- Processing.
- Getting ready for the returning.
Bonus hard stuff?
The good stuff
- Being gone.
- Traveling.
- Not being in charge.
- Trusting that things will run without me.
- Lots to think about.
- No access to computer or internet!
- Transitions! Transformations!
- Decision-making! I can do it!
- Recovery.
- Not doing.
- Processing.
- Getting ready for the returning.
Bonus good stuff…
Lunch with the amazing Maryann Devine, whom you may already know from the wonders of Secret Play Date. And getting to give her a tour of the new space.
Also: Sunday Parkways! Where I saw:
2 women jitterbugging, 115 adorably-helmeted-adorable-tiny-children, 16 outrageous bicycle-like contraptions, 29 timbers jerseys and one slightly-drunky falling off his bike.
Add to that a couple of opt-in lovely water-soakings via supersoaker, and a grown man wearing only a diaper, and I have to say: it was pretty great.
And this absolutely beautiful post from Hiro on success. I love this so much.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is… more fun than they sound, I guess.
Rocking harder than you’d expect, that’s their thing.
Dutiful Grumpanion
It turns out though that the whole band is really just one guy. Weird, right?
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Come. To. A. Rally!
There are only two happening next year, so this is the time.
There’s a stowawayship scholarship ship available for June.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
The hard stuff:
Feeling really discombobulated when I want to be productive, and not knowing what to do about this feeling, or what might help, or what I need, or what tactic to use. Frustrating!
Not admitting something to myself, and covering over it with super practical thoughts, because it doesn’t seem “wise” to admit the thing that I’m not admitting…
Feeling like I’m spinning my wheels, even though I just got a bunch of really important stuff done.
Wanting to just curl up into a ball and cry. And not knowing what that’s going to do for me, and therefore not trusting it. And if I do this it means that I’m going to have to cancel certain things that I said I was going to do. Why did I say that I’d do more things?
Feeling alone. Ouch.
Feeling like I should have made different choices so that I wouldn’t feel so alone. Ouch. Sigh….
Feeling like if I’m going to get help, I’ll have to do more work to get that help, which feels really counter-needed-resolution.
The good.
I got my new Visa. Yay!
Had lovely conversations with my Mom. Yay!
Had a lovely time with a friend in Berlin — getting my Visa. Yay!
Ate a delicious salad last night.
Recognized my need to do domestic-y things right now as a way to relax.
And that’s all I can muster at the moment… sigh…
My left-brain, analytical, separate-and-categorise self haaates it when I see the good and hard all wrapped up together. My right-brain creative, godessey yogini digs the paradox. Spouts some crap about an ‘expansive soul’ and ‘containing many truths’ and other pontificatey, smug shit. (I looooove my right-brain! Slightly terrified she might be right. Correct-right I mean. Yes. Moving on now folks….)
Hard stuff
– that email asking for money for a cause I deeply support that included the really bad joke that gave me the shits and since then I have avoided donating the cash.. And now, even when I do it will be tinged with resentment. I guess it hit a nerve about all those times when I really did have had to choose between giving or keeping enough to feel safe and taken care of, and when I let myself off from giving the GUILT. I’m obviously still struggling with the tension and yet to find a strong sense of what is mine and what is extra. Aarrgh- boundaries! Self-care! What I NEED-need vs what I like/am used to. Generosity VIA self-care. Playing at edges, going outside the edges (ow) and fearfearfear…… So, that was a bit of an iceberg for me.
– intuitive greenhouse building. (My metaphor for trying to establish a supportive and sustaining routine). I am
not good at itstill learning how to do it. Mistakes-Are-Terrible-Terrible-Terrible and If-At-First-You-Don’t-SucceedPerform-It-Perfectly-Give-Up came out to play a lot.– sixteen year old stepson and his girlfriend are ploughing. ….. …… I mean, I guess it’s okay, they’re both nice kids, and have been together for a year and seem to genuinely care about each other. But still, I worry…
Ugggghh, so much pain around my completely MORTIFYING, ridiculous, drunken and traumatic early sexual history. Ow.
And you know, SO MUCH BAD PORN these days and this is what kids are using for sex-ed??? (BTW good sex ed: http://www.scarletteen.com, people- send your kids there. It’s good! Also, violet nibbles for directions to ethically produced porn, thank GOD there is some out there I was getting so shitted off with the repeat-until-dead three-holes-and-a-pair-of-titties-and-then-let’s-cum-on-her-face-so-we-defile-the-last-feature-of-her-body-that-is-in-any-way-distinctive-because-I’m-a-mysoginist-porn-producer-who-has-to-do-this-a-million-times-before-I-feel-like-a-big-strong-man-Big-Porn-Incorporated-porn made by and for men who hate women. RAAAAWWWWRRRR!! Anyway, there ARE some alternatives and thank goodness for that because opening my own feminist porn studio wasn’t really going to be my shtick, and having seen that it exists I can choose not to use porn myself but be glad the option is there. Mmmmmmmmmm options.)
I feel strongly about this as you can possibly tell… Yes.
– I get frustrated when it is time to [do something] and Little Lad doesn’t want to. He could passively resist with the best of them, Ghandi eat your heart out…. Ignore ignore ignore ignore go limp. So I end up shouting and then feel guilty and failey. A lot. Sad mama.
Ugghh
Sorry, iFail submit!
Also: I made a mistake it’s http://www.scarleteen.com with just one T. Sorry.
Other hards? Oh, a couple… Feeling daunted, as ever, by the challenge of parenting Little Lad the way he needs to be. Especially when I am conscious of the gap. Ache. He’s so non-autistic in a lot of ways that most other parents I meet tell me how lucky I am, which a) I already know and b) dismisses the pain that is there ANYWAY in spite of how lucky we are. It’s like when I was having a semi-panic-attack after giving birth in ONE unholy hour and then having so much adrenaline stillbcoursing through my body ready to help me tackle this ginormous challenge which didn’t exist anymore and the midwife telling me ‘well you just need to relax’. Like: wow, you’re shitting me aren’t you? I should calm down. You think so? I should be grateful he’s not more severely autistic. You reckon? Gee, I would never have fucking well thought of that myself. Thanks so fucking much for all your understanding. Gooooossshhhh!!!!
Gaaah!!!
If there were other hards I’m happy to forget them. Let’s move on shall we?
GOOOOOOD STUFF!!!! yaaaaaay!!!
+ Little Lad and Wonderbaby. And my beloved. And even terrifying teenager who I’m only terrified of because he’s a teenager and they’re all slightly terrifying. Mmmm family love.
+
Again? That’s just embarrassing….
Okay there was a lot of other really good stuff and it was really grouse and that’s all the end good night xoxoxo
Mmm Friday Chicken
The Hard
– needing to do work while in a dreamy mood. ehm well actually having to do work at all this week
– some processing of unsafety. it needed a blanket fort!
– missing. it got stronger this week.
– wanting an article finished. feeling stuck on the work. wanting a whole bunch of stuff to be finished, actually. also known as: the usual pressure. except i am starting to see its not normal and blegh.
The Good
+ partying with new friends. oh my. and playing board games. and finding out after i came out as a board game geek that everyone wants board games but was afraid to start !
+ Disney song and their secret superpowers
+ home home home where the heart is – chilling with the brothers like a bunch of amigos. then working together on essays like a bunch of writers!
Ooh, Hannah! Disney songs and super-powers? I love that. And yay board game geeks!
The Hard
-My car broke down. Which actually turned out to be way less hard than it seems like it should have been.
-Some loneliness stuff about everyone in the world moving to Bolivia (please note the GIANT exaggeration)
-Overwhelm at all the physical objects in my apartment that require dealing with in the next month
-Had to postpone the convo with the boss because I couldn’t get to work yesterday (see car breakdown point), so tack on another week of carrying this big secret around inside me
-Spent pretty much all of my fun money and my eating money and… well, all of my money this pay cycle on being in my friend’s wedding last weekend. Gah.
The Good
-The wedding is OVER!
-My car broke down so I got to work from home for two days.
-The alternator was ONE WEEK! past warranty but the nice people at Firestone actually covered it anyway. Still wondering why my alternator likes to break in May though…
-Amazing, fun, informative processing and playing at the floop
-Salsa dancing last night was excellent! I adjusted the straps on my shoes so they were less painful and I danced really well. And some of the good dancers even asked me to dance.
-Lots of walking
-Baking gf banana bread. Yummy!
-Spending some time learning about how I operate when I get to work in my own time and space.
-Forward motion on a project!
-Incoming me is Jack Sparrow! I just found out this morning! And I’m wearing my pirate necklace to prove it. She’s not responsible for anyone but herself, knows how to have fun, has freedom and is totally cool and slightly intimidating and wears lots of dark eye shadow. Hooray!
Wow, that’s a lot of good. Good!
Happy weekend 🙂
Cheers Chickeneers!
The Hard
– trusting that there is enough time for everything I want to do
– phone call from my mom
– people giving very short notice for deadlines
The Good
– buying the largest canvas that would fit in my car and spending 2 days painting
– attending a lecture by one of my favorite yoga teachers
– making the connections between aspects of my many varied projects
This week seems to have simultaneously sped by AND been looooong. Ha.
The hard:
The hormonal isssssssue I thought had finally solved reared it’s head again today, totally throwing my day out of whack. After two years, more than a little frustrated and fed up with this.
The weather – continuing to be cold, grey, wet, windy and generally miserable.
Progress on business creation again WAY slower than hoped/anticipated.
Noise.
The good:
Celebrated the first birthday of Jane of Ardis yesterday by going to my favourite Brighton tea-shop, drinking hibiscus-red Witches Brew tea, reveu-ing and wish-casting.
My journey to the tea-shop involved me finding a bargain 1960s vintage turquoise and white dress that actually fits both boobs and waist. Incredible!
Sweet, sweet stuffs.
Recalibrating my expectations of what I’m going to do each today to incorporate more ease + celebration. Results so far are positive.
Noise a lot less than last week.
Destuckfication bing! moments of clarity + really deep pieces of stuck getting released.
BYOBA magic! It’s so much fun, just love unwrapping the new material every Tuesday.
Took some photos I’m pretty damn proud of.
Archetype cards. Pretty!
A walk in the countryside and a late lunch at my favourite cafe with my mum on Sunday…really lovely.
Mmmm….
Hard:
–Shoes thrown at me. Why must someone who loves me continually refer to me as a fashion disaster? And why do I even care?
–My dad’s health is declining rapidly now. I’ve had painful conversations with the hospice nurse, with my mom, with my siblings. It’s all settling over me now, a heavy cloak of sorrow.
–Friction with my brother — compassionately handled on both sides, but ouch ouch ouch. Sorry for his stuff and his pain, sorry for my own.
Good:
–My car is paid off at last! That’s one hefty monthly payment I won’t have to worry about any more. Plus, the car is mine! If I really wanted to, I could live in it! Not that I want to, but oh, the freedom!
–Sovereignty. I do not want to take this for granted or let it pass unnoticed. People get annoyed at me, and I am able to say to myself, “Their stuff,” and I am able to say whatever I choose to say to them without that ragged desperate edge of “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please please don’t hate me” that I’ve carried with me for almost as long as I can remember. This is HUGE.
–Support and kindness are all around me. I receive them with joy, gratitude, and relief.
Okay, week. What happened in you?
Other than finding out that apparently I have rock hard abs. (Who knew?)
The Hard:
– Slightly disappointing anniversary because a.)Mother’s Day and b.)Exhaustion. No time, energy, or money to have a better anniversary celebration any time soon.
– So many appointments! In which I was *very* candid with all my experts, and they all (minus therapist) told me that I’m doing perfectly fine. Which makes a certain amount of sense, since the other three experts were focusing on physical and spiritual things. But I don’t feel remotely fine.
– Extremely uncomfortable truth about the limits of my capacity for doing things.
– Still have that feeling that there is about 100x more that I need to process than I have capacity for processing, so all the works get gummed up and nothing gets processed.
– Randomly bursting into tears every single time I’m a little bit hungry, or have to pee, or am tired. But not feeling hungry/full/tired. Just completely sorrowful until I’ve figured out the puzzle.
– Argh huge changes and transformations are scary and bringing up my stuff.
– Monsters say this is silly/stupid, but I lost my waist! And not in a sexy “look at my pregnancy bump” way, either. Because my uterus pushed all my guts wherever they would go and it turns out one of those places is the *side* of my waist so now I look like I have giant love handles that go all the way up to my ribs. But I don’t look pregnant. Just weird. And my skin/hair/wardrobe etc. are also awful and I don’t want anyone to look at me ever but that hasn’t been working out.
– Every sleep position is getting really uncomfortable. And I can no longer lift heavy objects. 🙁
– I still hate my apartment. We’re still no closer to having a different place to live. It’s still more expensive than we can afford. And the various Future Mes keep advocating patience, which annoys me.
The Good
– STOMPOPOLIS!! Beautiful and potential-filled and MMMMMMMMMM. I love it. Especially the acoustics for sea-shanties! No… especially *all* of it.
– FLOOP! Similar gushing.
– Got to hear the baby’s heartbeat again! Such a lovely lovely sound…
– I LOVE MY MIDWIFE! She got blood from me on the first try. With no pain. Even with my insanely low blood pressure. Also she complimented my “rock hard abs,” which apparently I have.
– Talked to the soul of my business and she was HILARIOUS and refused to tell me anything because I “don’t have security clearance” and sent me on a quest instead. HILARIOUS I say!
– Connecting to two non-monster voices in two very stuckified thought processes. There may be some room for progress.
– Didn’t have to work on wedding to-dos this week, because it was too filled with appointments. Yay for taking a break from *that* whole mess!
– Crazy schedule problem for next week worked out perfectly without me doing anything.
OMG that song! My inner eyes will never be the same. Makes me wonder about Grimm 🙂
Hard:
The lightning strike fried the car’s computer. Waiting for insurance adjuster to ok something.
Having to rent a car on Wednesday. Silent retreat on the rest of that one.
Last week’s hard into this week, the coffee shop I bake for has been really bad about putting my stuff out, so now my paychecks are cut in 1/3 and I don’t know when that may improve.
Just low level raw nerve energy. Like I’m a rubber band that has been stretched to the uttermost point of stretchosity.
No bands I’m really excited about at the Nelsonville Music Festival + they changed the policy so only the 1% get chairs (if you pay an extra $50/day you can have seats and your own semi-private porta john area )
Having trouble getting good photos of my new work for my Etsy.
Good:
Hot water. We still has hot water heater.
The Nelsonville Music Festival is this weekend and the forecast looks good. So we shouldn’t be sitting in mud by the end of the weekend.
Funny: The semi-private porta johns are right near the stage. That just seems wrong, somehow.
I have 11 new paintings and 2 in process. https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150892748374720.423653.669459719&type=3&l=d4f3e64050 They are all getting good responses.
Hello Kitty Vans
Shleeps. I can has them this week.
The Floop helped me get through Mother’s Day stuff. Yay Floop!
@ Jessica: “doing domestic-y things as a way to relax”! <3
@ SaraH: Jack Sparrow! “not responsible for anyone but herself, knows how to have fun, has freedom and is totally cool and slightly intimidating and wears lots of dark eye shadow.” (Running off to buy some dark eye shadow.)
Hard:
This weird lightheaded out-of-touch there’s-a-glass-wall-between-me-and-the-world overmedicated feeling when I haven ‘t taken any medication (or other drugs, for that matter) that I’ve had a couple of times. I don’t know what it is. It’s not unpleasant when I can sit with it – in my outdoor refueling station, for instance – but when I need to drive and interact with people and do things, it’s hard. All I know for sure is that it is not blood sugar related because it comes randomly, before and after meals.
Stuff with my son and his estranged wife.
Noticings and resistance.
Lots of good interesting stuff going on this weekend and there is no way I can do it all.
Good:
The outdoor refueling station.
My favorite bookstore and coffee shop.
Coffee with my friend last night.
Laughter and loving interactions with family members.
Lots of interesting stuff going on this weekend; having many possibilities.
The Landscaper (his business name) who took care of my yard work.
Free time.
The hard: So much fatigue; wow. So many emotions about so many things. Nervousness. Too many things to do. Perceived thrown shoes at the day job. Even more highly sensitive than usual due to the aforementioned fatigue.
The good: Acupuncture, exercise, sunshine, great books, wonderful family, wonderful friends, having the most incredible clients in the world, the smell of freshly cut grass, the smell of springtime flowers, puppies on the train, great snuggles, excitement about the enormous changes in my world.
A happy weekend to all!
Oh my oh my. Such a week.
The hard
Just so much so much in so many ways: family, friends, work, this thing about needing to move becoming a focus, looking at houses, apartments, etc. So much!
Eating too much of things I should be eating just a little of and too little of things I should be eating a lot of (should = would leave me feeling good)
Not getting the physical exercise I need and planned to–again because so much else going on.
The good
I am reasonably okay with the fact that this week had too much happening because sometimes that’s just how weeks are.
I got a chicken purse! It makes everyone (including me) smile. And now I’m making the connection with THIS chicken. How great is that?
Also (and especially) the writing! Which is all at once, starting to find a home in so many wonderful places. This week marked BOTH:
The launch of “Notes from Plan B Nation,” a column I’ll be writing for SecondAct.com (the original idea was for a monthly column but after the first one, my editor asked if it could be *twice* a month. 🙂 )
And: My blog–Plan B Nation: Living Creatively in Challenging Times–making its debut on the Psychology Today website. Lots more potential readers, interesting connections–so delighted about this.
So now I am going to go eat. And breathe. And maybe go running. (If not tonight tomorrow.)
This week was about the exhaustion. Not thinking it could get any worse, and then it did. And the realizing it was coming down to breaking too many promises to myself. This is true.
But!! it was also about restarting, and trying to shift the focus to play and resting, and reading and fun things. This is also true. Now for more nappage!
I always spend the first part of the chicken reading other people’s last blog posts. I love it & I’ve subscribed to lots of chickeneers blogs that way.
@Vicki – I get a disassociated feeling that sounds similar sometimes too. (((Hugs))) cos it’s vile and scary!
The hard:
Not wanting to finish a thing and not wanting to look at why. Watching a deadline rush towards me & feeling a mix of helplessness & rebellion. Like I’m 14 again.
Not being sure of anything, feeling stuck. (Oh right – see above!)
Stuck, stuck, stuckity, stuck.
Feeling like I want to change EVERYTHING and start again. (See above- lol!)
Worrying aches & pains that bring out the Monsters of Doom
The good
My course for next month is announced & has sign-ups already & it happened with ease and sovereignty.
I’m well and the Monsters were wrong, again.
I remembered that Havi has stuff to help me to cope with procrastination – doh!
A day out to Kew Gardens, so much beauty!
Chickening 🙂 So many aha moments when I do it!
This week was better than last! Yaaaayyyyyyy!!!
HARD
+frustration with slowness of my process
+admitting that i need help
+struggling with whether to do [a workshop] and how to do it
+isolation
+temperature
+all the areas in my life where i feel pressure
+another book turned out disappointingly
+all the car-related freaking out even though it turned out to be completely unnecessary
+discontent in living situation, which isn’t the only thing that i feel about my living situation, because there are many things that i really like about it, but there is definitely discontent among the emotions
+anxious about whether or not family members who have agreed to pay for my services will actually pay me or if I’m going to have to get pushy to get the money that I am owed
+stressing about the photo and bio
+The Sing Off has been cancelled!! NOOOOOO!! 🙁
GOOD
+i have been accepted as a member at my Quaker meeting! i am officially a Quaker now!!
+people brought delicious vegan foods to Quaker meeting!
+Rainbow Fiestathon road trip was fun!
+cookies!
+playing with fun yarn
+Star Trek!
+getting excited about upcoming choir stuff
+setting up a Playground for my music arranging project
+releasing [an entry ritual]
+Sparkle Points Squad!
+began process for getting my state license to practice massage
+the Turnaround Conversation that ended in hugs and ice cream and no bloodshed
+I’m learning to make Indonesian food! I tried making tempeh with peanuts and green beans and it turned out to be amazing!
Bwaaaaaaaaaaawk…
Hard:
* barfy dog
* tetchy eustachian tubes
* multiple missteps by dental staff
* wondering which aches/pains/anxieties truly merit attention
* phone interruptions. I don’t care if it isn’t a sales call, it’s still an infringement on my time
* traffic
* having to turn down work
Good:
* dog is better
* 36 hours completely away from the laptop. drafted poems and letters, napped LOTS, tamed some fangy things
* deferrals = space for settling more fangy things
* champagne + cake to celebrate a friend’s 90th (90TH!!!) birthday
Sending you all good wishes.
Chickening out loud! Hello all <3
The hard:
* Still with the sleep deprivation. Heat & lumpy bed & projects poking at me. Needy noisy cats, worry about x, sore pain ow.
* So much working! Working through exhaustion. Working through pain. Working till 3am on my ‘day off’. (note to self: even if it’s at home in your pajamas, it still counts as work!) And being frustrated with myself because I know better than this!
* A whole lotta “now is just like then”. Unsurprising, considering the things above and the time of year, but still.
* Loudest fire alarm in the history of the world. HSP panic followed by utter meltdown. So not fun. And really only part of a larger pattern of danger everywhere!! this week, external & internal. (Hello, approaching traumatic anniversaries. I see you there.)
* My money tree dropping half its leaves. Two parts gardener’s guilt and one part eye-rolling really-now rub-it-in-why-dontcha.
* Overdue library books I have no time to read 🙁
* A thrown shoe – more like a fuzzy slipper with a hidden hard sole. Seemed innocuous but then oww what the fuck?!
* Tub crawling with bugs when all I wanted in the world was to soak in the bath
~
the Good:
* Sunday parkways <3 Five hour walk in the sun!
* Two whole nights of decent sleep. Improvement!! Yes!!
* That time I fell down the short flight of stairs (scary!) but went into badass ninja mode and totally saved it with two twirly hops
* Working my witchy magic all week and getting direct, reliable, tangible results.
* Noticing people checking me out that one day. Guys! Good looking ones!
* Surprise 'thanks for being awesome' bread <3
* Wally massage <3
* Yoga by nightlight at Stompopolis <3
* The gloriously magic nap in the hammock on Thursday at Stompopolis <3
* Finally coming up with a bedroom arrangement that doesn't completely suck
* Being really fucking awesome at my job. Seriously, the amount of smartness and progress I made for my client this week was astounding. And that was despite all the sleep deprivation and overwhelm! I rule. 😀
Hello hello Chicken and Chickeneers! Belated love to all the chickens and lurking peepers.
My Ouch Hards:
– Crazy work yadda yadda repeat ad nauseum
– Lack of incentive. [Silent retreat on details.]
– The sads and lonelies from above.
– Might not be able to visit Lovelyman’s folks over Memorial Day. I wanted weekends but wasn’t expecting this…
– Sick keeton.
– Strange bites on both me and the Lovelyman, and ensuing inner panic about that.
– The scarf I taped to the ceiling is starting to fall down.
My Whee Goods:
* Finally, monies! Yay payday!
* Celebration mexican dinner that was SUPER yums.
* Wandering around the different grocery stores in the neighborhood.
* Lovelyman managed to fix the washing machine! WOOHOO!
* Lovelyman also put together my nightstand so I don’t have to use an overturned bucket. 😉
* Starting basil seeds.
* Working on the office space.
Hoping for a beautiful and ease-filled week for all.
My checking in for the week! What a useful thing to do, this strange week. This GOOD week.
THE HARD
:: Freaking the office. It’s existence drags me down, down, down.
:: Being true to myself! Hard, hard hard.
:: Being honest with myself! Also, hard.
:: Not knowing what to say when a friend is judging another friend. What do you even say to that? I didn’t really say anything, even though the statements were actually questions.
:: People who don’t stop “checking in” — I need more space than this. How to deal with it? Because not everything requires a response. Getting someone else to be in charge of some of my responses, perhaps?
:: Deadlines. When to make them… because I do believe they need to be made for my own benefit and strength.
:: Being married. It’s hard sometimes.
THE GOOD!
:: Being true to myself!
:: Being honest with myself!
:: Lots of time on FLOOP!!! Making friendies.
:: Some writing 🙂 Yay
:: A cool new client! Yay
:: Being married. It’s really cool.
For next week, I think it will be similarly huge and weird. And — that is okay! And hard – which is okay, too.
Sneaking a Chicken before VPAs!
The Hard:
Friend texting me about the ex. I don’t care. Except that it feels all stabby inside when she texts me that she’s seen him.
Lonely.
Lungs junk. Sick a lot.
Sun burn. Despite SPF50, long sleeves, blanket.
No prospects of boys.
Sad.
The Good:
Sunday cooking – bbq beef, tofu, blueberry banana bread, green beans, gold beets, refried beans.
1.7 mile run this morning. And deciding to not run again until Friday or Saturday. Let’s get lungs un-junked.
Small cat.
New clothes for summer.
Sad. Sad is good. Feeling things is good.