In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Hello there, Friday.
Don’t you look nice.
The hard stuff
Time, again.
More things that want doing (and that I want to do) than time to do them in.
Soreness.
Bruised something or other. Hurting.
Sick day instead of beach day.
It turned out (surprise) to be part of the flow.
But a sick day is no fun, this is truth.
Sick day turned into sick week.
Having a cold and being foggy.
Also my lips are chapped and unhappy.
People. Communication. Interactions.
Specifically the way people put their unsovereign bullshit crap on me. This happened a few different times in different ways. But also just interacting in general. Eventually you figure it out but sometimes the getting there is tough.
Also this week I had to get firm about people (everyone!) bringing me things other than sweetness. The secret box of delivering things to me is only for sweetness. I had to remember this myself before I could remind everyone else.
Wanting to hear a thing and not hearing it.
But then hearing it later when I was already over it.
Nothing was fun so I asked what would make it fun and then there was a power outage.
Hmmm.
Hmmm.
The good stuff
A transcendent cheese sandwich.
A life-altering sandwich that changed everything.
That is not even a proxy. An actual sandwich. At Crema. It changed my life. Forever. I made inappropriate noises in public.
This sandwich was so many things.
Among those: it was a tangible reminder about the astonishing importance of pleasure and simplicity and presence, which are three of the things I’m working with right now anyway.
My god. That sandwich. And then I think of all the amazing sandwiches there still are yet to meet, and I am overwhelmed with sandwich-joy in my tingle-bliss heart.
Surrendering instead of fighting. Harmony.
Harmony is the hilarious name that slightly-future-me aka Incoming Me wants to be called (she’s trying to teach me how to harmonize).
Even though she is always right, I have a rebellious streak a mile wide so I try to fight her on everything.
Last Friday I fought with her about everything. She won.
That’s how the sandwich and I met each other. And it’s how I made a new friend. By way of the sandwich, interestingly. (Harmony: I TOLD YOU SO.)
And this is also how I ended up on a marvelous adventure.
Mainly though, this is how Harmony finally taught me to pay attention.
This week I paid attention.
Going on a marvelous adventure.
It involved reconnaissance and sneaking into a secret place late at night.
Taking care of incoming me.
This week I was super vigilant (in a fun and loving way) about planting sweetness for slightly future me.
Doing little things for tomorrow-me. It felt really good.
Playdating.
All of Friday afternoon and evening. And then all Sunday and Monday.
Wonderful. We played at all the best things. We rewrote high school memories, we were lions and tigers and bears. Well, not lions. We were not-lions.
We had all the words. We had sweetness and contemplation.
I was gentle.
I don’t like being sick but I didn’t push. Usually I push.
This was good.
I got an answer.
It wasn’t the answer I wanted but it was the answer I needed. Thank you, answer.
Responded to a hard thing.
It was a useful process.
PROGRESS. Giant progress.
This week I buckled down and worked, and all the big stuck pieces that I have been chipping away at since April finally crumbled and disintegrated.
All the walls that needed to get knocked down got knocked down. And all the structures that needed to get built got built.
I bought myself a present.
I have been putting this off for many months and this week it became clear that now is the time. It was a little scary and a little wonderful. Very wonderful. Monsters are up in arms but they’ll thank me later.
Reinforcements! Knights arrived.
Also it turns out that if you ask your blog readers to send you knights, you get both knights and puns.
Like a knight sent by A. Knight. By way of Cynthia!
Thank you, everyone who sent knights! And puns. And pewter knights. Also, one of these is from my parents.
Nothing was fun so I asked what would make it fun and then there was a power outage.
So then I lit a bunch of candles and rested on the floor, and when I was done I knew how to make things fun again.
The answer, if you’re wondering, was as follows:
1. Turn radical trust into a game and find out how you can trust more!
2. Dance around the room to 80s music on your phone.
3. Blow a bunch of bubbles!
4. Play the game of how-much-work-can-happen-before-your-laptop-runs-out-of-juice.
5. Swing on the swings in the park!
It’s all part of the flow.
This week I was able to remember this more often than not.
The fun part of the Chickening happens here.
Tabstravaganza! Or: what’s Havi been up to with all those open Firefox tabs?
- There is nothing funnier than imagining Lucille Bluth saying things that are actually Mitt Romney quotes. If you’re not an Arrested Development fan, this will not be funny. But why would you not be an Arrested Development fan? That makes no sense. There is also this site which reverses the scenario, equally brilliant.
- The remarkable Rebecca Solnit, again. She has stuff to say: The Rain On Our Parade.
- This is not political but it is a FABULOUS pirate frog, and it comes by way of Judy. I feel strongly about pirate frogs!
- And THIS is the best blog in the world. “Daddy, do buildings get bored?”. I could read this all day every day. Thank you, Sheridan.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is from Riley, who made me laugh with this at a good moment.
Chinese Finger Trap Of Anxiety
They’re funny and sweet and they make a lot of noise. I believe tambourines might be involved?
Though, of course, as you might have already guessed, it turns out that it’s really just one guy.
I would also like to throw in this Sentence of The Week, courtesy of my friend Garret, hugely out of context, and this sentence really needs to be in the lyrics for a song from one of our fake bands:
“Kitten bubbles should adequately raise the fun level until the moment passes and alcohol and sex can resume.”
Okay. Maybe sentence of the week is going to have to be a new tradition. We shall see. Though I think autocorrect is going to win every time.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
We have some pretty great stuff coming up.
In the meantime, I would keep talking to those monsters, or just drawing them.
And practicing the Art of Embarking.
Both of these will help tremendously with what’s next.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Hard stuff:
–Not knowing when the Wizard will have a new job. Not knowing where the money will come from.
–Feeling very out of shape physically. Even little bits of exercise feel like too much. This troubles me.
–Old trauma got triggered, old patterns popped up.
Good stuff:
–Interaction with trauma was different; even the bits that seemed the same were still different. Interaction with patterns was very different, and patterns were able to be shifted much much faster.
–Sensing the opportunity in the adversity.
–Being deeply loved, and deeply loving.
–Interacting with familiar material at deeper levels. Feeling myself growing.
–New journal is amazing! Soft fuzzy brown cover, high-quality smooth blank pages with “excellent tooth.”
I am lighting a candle in my heart, and looking forward to the weekend. Blowing a kiss to the Chickeneers!
Cheers, Chickeneers!
The Hard
-overwhelming Pile Of Doom
-sick/cranky husband
-travel schedules
The Good
-relaxing in Florida at a beautiful resort
-massive step forward on a stuck project
-hiking on Fridays again
That sandwich sounds AMAZING.
The Hard:
– BREECH BABY. (Doom doom doom doom). And then everyone’s reaction being “oh it’s no big deal at all.” When it is a big deal. Both objectively and also to me.
– Not sleeping. Or hardly sleeping. Or sleeping in my car or on the bathroom floor. Or sleeping all day long but not at night. Sleep and I are on the outs.
– Some incredibly difficult realizations about a very stuckified pattern that exists in every friendship I’ve ever had.
– I hate talking on the phone with people I love with whom I normally hang out in person. I go right back to Rhiannon-in-a-6-year-long-distance-relationship, and she was not a happy person.
– Dreams that are hitting kind of heavy with the metaphors and the obvious and the painful. Apparently when I do sleep I whimper and cry the whole time.
– Hearing lots back about the Purple house, but not hearing “yes, finally, it is yours.” Which is what I’d like to hear.
– Booty bouncing is not going well these days. This is true for at least three different meanings of “booty bounce.”
– Trying to decide if the big thing I’ve been trying to get to work forever should be put out of its misery already. And what I would do instead.
The Good:
– My favorite-est person was/is staying with us (he’s gone out of town for a few days at the moment). He is the best! And now he’s here all the time (except when he’s not)!! And it’s spectacular.
– Giant breakthrough on a huge stuck. That resulted in the world’s longest and most amazing hug, and all kinds of tears, and one thousand thank yous.
– I have the best husband ever. (Or at least the best husband for me.) He completely exceeded my expectations about 5 times this week and I already have pretty high expectations. Also he is sexy and tells the best jokes.
– THRILLER PRACTICES! Oh my god it is so much fun! And I am so bad at it! And I have the perfect excuse (sorry, there’s a baby inside of me. It’s not really affecting my ability to to remember choreography but let’s pretend). Seriously: so much fun!
– Kittens! (Sadly, not in bubbles).
– Deep realization about a pain I’ve been holding in my body since before I was born, and the sweetness of letting it unravel just the tiniest bit.
– Music. I could listen to it all day long! I do listen to it all day long! How cool is technology that I get to basically have musicians-on-demand in my iPod in my pocket? Really cool.
Kitten bubbles! I wants some!
Hard:
Something unspeakably gross is going on with my nose + sinuses. Hardly able to breathe through my nose all week. Gah.
Stomach also not 100% happy.
Realising today that if I drink wine at lunch time I feel sick all afternoon.
Kitty with injured paw. Kitty having a dirty protest in the litter box.
Miscellaneous angst and worries.
Accidentally making carrot and coriander soup last night with cinnamon instead of coriander. Ugh.
The good:
Walking in the countryside and visiting one of my favourite tea-shops.
Kitty is alright!
Positive biz stuff happening. Woot!
Getting to spend Monday hanging out with la Reba! My g’s will never be the same again. 🙂
A pleasantly surprising reconnection.
Just got my haircut – for cheaps, in my house, and it’s an awesome haircut. Yays!
Serendipitously meeting a friend on the street this afternoon.
I’ve enjoyed this week. 🙂 Sparkles and good wishes for everyones weekends.
Oh gosh. Let’s see.
Hard:
-Taking a class is apparently very stuff-triggery for me. I spent a lot of the week in my stuff.
-Some of the stuckness bled over into my artmaking headspace. Blah!
-Lots and lots and lots and lots of rain. Cold gray rain. And me not having gotten into the hunkering-down-around-the-fire winter mindset yet.
Good:
-It’s sunny and warm today!
-Knitting. When in doubt: more knitting.
-Now is so totally not then. I know a lot about dealing with my stuff now. And I’m working on it.
-Heard back about being allowed to do a thing! It’s very exciting! Also scary, but I know I have the tools to learn a lot while doing this thing.
-My friend who works in the lab made me steel plates that (a) say purpleshiny on them, (b) have HANDLES, and (c) will help a lot with the exciting thing I just heard back about.
-There’s a new yoga place that sounds amazing and is right next to my office and has a relaxing yoga class on Wednesday evenings that I can’t wait to try!
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! 🙂
Lucille Bluth & Mittens. I’m having a brain-gasm, right now.
Anyway, Friday! And the week.
hard:
-my oldest kid’s spontaneous nose bleeds of doooooooom.
-yelling at her anyway this morning because i told ehr to clean that damn room 10x this week and shew as late for the bus and DOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM
-trying so hard not to snap and doing it anyway
-not much Conscious entry and exit. no good exit the Day routine. Entering Friday today I also blew off all the things that make Fridays work best. Why am I reisting such imprtnat Absolutelies??
-espcially this whole going to bed thing. c’mon now. we know the time change is coming, and samhain and everything. we need an earlier bedtime every nite
-Friendly Dogs and the conflict i’m having about petting them
-no sobriety, very lil movemenmt
-and a day off that kinda waasnt
the good, which outweighed the bad:
-a call from Mikey!
-a walk that revealed to me a whole lot of genius loci
-handling the first real Sex Talk i had with my odlest daughetr in such a good way. props me! props from husband & bestie over excellent hadnling of the thing
-pieces connecting. more journaling
-not doing the thing that feels very disintegrous.
Friday friday friday! I know it is often said, but this is the first time I viscerally feel it: “Didn’t we JUST do chicken? Where did the week GO?”
The Hard:
Bronchitis don’t care about antibiotics. The chest coughing is unpleasant, to say the least.
Crunching numbers and having realization that the financial mountain we want to climb to get our dreams is less like a foothill and more like, say, Everest.
Email? Y U No work?
The Boy makes his first visit to the Principal’s office. This year. And throws a lot of attitude at everyone. Unpleasant and not very NVC exchanges ensue.
The Fantastic:
Anniversary dinner! I did a yummy dance and felt like a total bumpkin, but it was the best! There was a bread basket so complex, the *waiter had to “explain” it to us! And little smoked salmon bisque in tiny ceramic shot glasses! And buttery lemon goodness Bernaise! And even truffles to take home!
Deciding HELL YEAH, I’M CLIMBIN’ EVEREST.
Finally succumbing to Game of Thrones. Deliciously complex and wicked!
Possible collaboration with a good friend. The beginning of an empire of Work I Love. Booyah!
Happy weekend, sweeties!
This wasn’t the week I asked for!
The Hard:
– Sick.
– MrB health crisis, hospitalization, invasive procedure but the really bad stuff we feared wasn’t found.
– Started some “house detox” procedures before, and had to leave it undone; now there’s mess and chaos (again).
The Good:
+ Slept a lot because I was sick.
+ Feeling clearer in mind than I have for a long time. Because of the sleep.
+ Not as tired as I thought I would be from being sick.
+ Ideas are fountaining. Making note. Notes.
+ Useful insights. Using them!
+ Hope and the appearance of resources.
+ My friend’s cancer has not spread to her ribs.
+ Despite still feeling unwell, I went out with my camera. Bright overcast day, fall colors appearing.
+ Things I have to do getting in the way of things I want to do, but I have tools and ways to approach this now, e.g. 10 – 10 – 10.
Also: Got R’s things out of his apartment, with two helpers and two pickup trucks. Meant to go back in a day or two with him to get the smaller stuff, but couldn’t.
Until I did the chicken, I didn’t realize how much Good happened. I’m especially happy about the mental clarity. Wishing joy for everyone.
Oh, hi week. Thanks for lulling me into a false sense of routine and “plans” and then dumping on me a huge heapin’ helping of exciting things that I’m scared to get my hopes up about in the last 24 hours. But uhm… yay for possibility and exciting things and being VERY CLEAR about what I want. Boo for having to worry about not getting what I want (and no, thank you, I don’t really want to think about other ways to give the qualities to myself right now… I’m just going to want the thing for a little while. Maybe by Sunday I’ll be feeling up to a proper VPA.)
Oh and yay for booking a flight to NY for $23 thanks to the airline credit I had from the flight I didn’t take to rally from NM because I wasn’t there anymore… oh my. This probably doesn’t make any sense to anyone but me… oy. But still, yay?
Love to all the chickens
I think this gwishing stuff is working, I got the “pictures” part of my gwish and I’ll tell you THAT was a shot in the dark, it miraculously–and I mean like after going to the DMV miraculously–happened.
Also thank you gwish angels for protecting constitutional rights in PA (this legal decision also happened in perfect timing with my gwish so now I am DRUNK WITH GWISHING POWER, bwahahahahaaha)
A new friend, so funny how when someone is cut from the same cloth you recognize it instantly, so different from trying to bridge gaps, which also is nice but it’s good to be reminded there’s something easier as well
70 pages sent out to E, that is a miracle, and I only really worked 3 days this week. I think I can get the rest done by middle of next week, and MEET MY DEADLINE, whoa!
Dead battery, lovely rescue, and then another lovely rescue. Thank you. A borrowed stick shift that feels like driving a golf cart and only has a tape deck.
Tons of rest. A sense of putting my body first. Knowing not to push it and just–from all the times ignoring this over the years knowing so deeply the price, it’s always SO much better the next day if I DON’T DO ANYTHING than if I push one single thing that doesn’t want to be done.
Funny thing about book writing, I think it is like drug addiction: all your problems get rolled up into one problem. Which has its benefits especially with no chemical aspect/large expense/legal issue involved. It’s so great to leave the rest of my ailments alone for a little while and just make massive progress on ONE THING. (Multifaceted ailments, oh I know you are just waiting for my attention, I love you too)
happy weekend, love to chickens, xo
Hi, guys.
Hard: Muchas tired from last weekend. Much wonderful work and happenings happened, but also a disappointment and a sadness between two of my best friends. Makes me sad too.
My car, which recently returned to me from a long stay with the mechanic, has started leaking from the transmission again. So I cannot drive it until it has had some more attention.
Two deaths and memorial services are bringing issues of mortality to mind. One person I didn’t know well, but she had a huge influence on several people I’m close to. The other person was an adopted grandparent whose love and presence I will miss very much.
Good: Much wonderful work and reconnection with friends last weekend! There was a time for work, and a time for play, and a time for just being with other similarly insane people. Good fun.
Enough energy (mostly) to be pretty productive with my paying work during the week.
Package from Havi with my Toyshop goodies! I just got it today, and was all anticipation to open it when I got home. 🙂
Cluck.
Hard stuff…
– knowing what you want
– saying what you want
– honouring what you want
– TRUSTING what you want
Good stuff…
– knowing what you want
– saying what you want
– honouring what you want
– trusting what you want
– and love. Love is good.
xxooxo
Hello all! Been awhile since I chickened and I’m a day late at that, but it’s all good, right?
The Everything (It’s too much to sort out the good and the hard, it was all hard and most of it good).
This first full week of grad school. (I had orientation+2 days of class last week, but this week was the first full week of grad school).
I taught Spanish for 1 hour a day, five days this week and OMG I had so much to do and read and am such a new teacher that I couldn’t seem to get my lesson plan done before like an hour before class, but I did it, and finally yesterday on Friday, I finished my lesson plan a whole two hours before class (this is a very good thing!) and managed to start my lesson plan for Monday!
Some days everything seemed to go more or less smoothly in class even if they just stared at me, but there was one day – the cable was bent and I wanted to plug in the overhead and/or my computer and I couldn’t because the cable to hook it to the projector was broken and the internet wouldn’t work so they couldn’t even hear my video if it had connected 🙁
My classmates and fellow TA’s are awesome, of course, as always I’m the awkward shy one but it’s okay. Found some really cool web based tools thanks to one of my seminars to use when teaching 🙂
The un-ambiguously good: my husband is very supportive and awesome.
Hard:
* my usually darling doggie acted out, in public. Nasty amplifications of sadness, fear, frustration, and inconvenience.
* recognizing that it’s time to move on from ____ in spite of all the time I’ve already spent on it.
* project creep/bloat. The possibility of not getting paid enough for all the time it will probably require.
* fear of neglecting/losing connections vs. urge to shut up and hibernate
* something’s still not right with my right hand
* will I ever get through the dishwashing?
* traffic detours / trips to vendors who aren’t open when they said they’d be
Good:
* doggie is still darling, and mostly well behaved
** and I have the resources to steer her clear of more trouble
* remembering that not everything merits a reply or follow-up
** and the things that matter don’t all need to be addressed right away
* wrapped up my part of a project
* good (and short!) meeting with new client
* two days of sewing
* progress in taming sugar cravings
* more iguanas in the outbox and/or out the door
Wishing you all a wonderful new week.
Happy weekend!
The Hard:
-Being sick and taking a looooong time to recover, even with antibiotics.
-Having to work 14 hour days this week, despite the being sick noted above.
-Not getting to see people I wanted to see. Realizing that they are probably more important to me than I am to them. This led to:
-Getting a good look at the Big Sad, whose anniversary is coming up next week. It is, well, really big (and really sad).
The Good:
-We are going on vacation! We are going on a plane to a city on the other side of the country. We will sit in coffee shops and see our friends. We will see mountains. We will not work. YES.
-Everyone did so well during the Big Event this week. I am proud.
-Enrolled in school! Buying books, making plans. I will be learning.
-Looking clearly at the Big Sad seemed to help me deal with it. Tried approaching it kindly, as we do with monsters, and recognizing it has a right to be here. So far it has behaved itself so perhaps we will learn to coexist.
-Cooler weather so the cats are all snuggly.
All best to the chicken-eers.
Hello Chickeneers!
This is my first chicken.
I’m sorta nervous.
Your Friday Chickens (and other posts) have been landing in my inbox for a few weeks now and … I’d very much like to leap aboard.
Here goes…
HARD STUFF:
Sad news. Hard news. From far away. Not only distance far but… heart far. Deep in the ache far.
I don’t want to detail it here. But it aches and it hurts and… it has been a sad week for me.
Still feeling like I do not manage to produce ENOUGH work on the NIP (novel in progress).
Meaning, this week — a few days with no new words laid down in the NIP.
Some days held MANY words. But I want to find them daily. And I do not know why this seems so difficult for me.
Biggest hard – being mean to myself. Being mean and knowing it is … foolish and destructive and still not being able to stop.
What is UP with that?
GOOD STUFF:
Talking with friends about the Sad News. Friends miles away but close in heart. Thank you.
Holding hands with my Love and him rubbing my back when the sadness seems too heavy.
Time on the guitar. Only bits of time, but time. Feels good.
Taking time to read and to enjoy the reading and not think I am “wasting” time.
Re-reading some Salinger.
Reading a book on energy work and others on nutrition and natural healing.
Also reading fun fiction/fantasy.
Doing this check in thing.
I think it is a good GOOD thing.
Hello Chickens.
The Hard
Eye. Scratched or pocked or something. Something that makes it all blurry so I walk around with it closed so I can see. Perhaps I’ll be a pirate for Halloween.
The gray wet blanket is back. It covers most every thing and makes it all hard. And pointless.
The Good.
A juice bar opened down the street. Green juice is so tasty.
New clients.
Thunder.
New shirts.
2 more days to just hang out and chill. And have juice.
I have one good eye.