In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
The hard stuff
Hard thing is still hard.
The situation that tore apart my week last week has greatly calmed down.
Gott sei dank.
But it’s still a situation. And I still am unclear as to how it will be lovingly and peacefully resolved.
I don’t know what to do or when or how.
Thrown for a loop.
Past me (that is, me-from-March) left a marvelous present for me from this week.
Except she didn’t tell me about it for some reason.
And I’m pretty sure that she wanted me to forget about the surprise until the last minute so that I couldn’t try to get out of it.
But. Finding out at the last minute threw me into chaos for a little bit.
Busy.
I did not like being busy, and this was very busy.
And then I had monsters about the busy and about the reasons for the busy, and about other people being too busy for me, and so on.
Scared.
I forgot about TRUTH (everything is okay), and went into fear.
An epiphany that I did not like!
Stupid incredibly useful realization!
I mean, I am actually thrilled to have this missing piece of information because it helps me solve an old stuck pattern from THEN.
But ugh it was right there the whole time.
Yup. Resistance to internal wisdom.
Deep tissue massage.
And the situation that required it.
Agh I hate this so much.
Any form of people pushing against what is, when I tell them what is.
For example, if I tell you that my whole body is tight and in pain because of [X traumatic things that all happened this summer], the proper response to that is something like oh sweetie, that sucks. It is not: WOW WHY ARE YOU SO TIGHT.
That is a small example of a bigger thing that keeps happening that I find annoying. I was in my stuff about this. The thing that is. Just deal with it, please. And then say: oh sweetie, that sucks.
Thoughts going round and round.
This resolved itself. But it took a while. And a lot of practice.
The good stuff
First ever Fake Beach Day a success, says Havi.
It wasn’t a beach, but it still kind of felt like beach day.
Except that I was cozy and warm and indoors while it poured down rain outside.
Also the morning of Fake Beach Day was spent at a cafe, and at this cafe was a sandwich. It wasn’t a life-changing sandwich like the one of a few Friday Chickens ago, but it was delicious.
And a smile. It was a very good smile. Very-very.
Chrysalis.
I spent most of this week on Chrysalis, preparing for the eight days of running Crossing the Line.
And talking intensely with slightly future me.
Hiding and retreating.
I spent my Chrysalis sleeping, napping, descending to the floor to be in a state of yoga, and taking lots of baths.
And writing. Avoiding everyone and everything.
It was BEAUTIFUL.
A surprise from past-me.
Past-me is a total wackopants crazed genius, let it be said.
Best present ever.
It might have taken me a while to be fully appreciative of the surprise, but man, what a great surprise. Brilliant.
I loved it.
Deep tissue massage.
It helped.
Support.
The Floop. The First Mate. Marisa. My playmate.
So very grateful.
Huge huge huge realizations.
So many things I understand now that I didn’t understand before. I have so much more information about what and why.
I see all the ways that I had forgotten the vision or wasn’t being true to the vision, but I also see all the ways that this was absolutely perfect.
And I know what is next, and I’m excited. Thrilled, even.
I met the newest version of slightly-future me, and she is amazing.
And not at all who I thought.
This is trippy!
Incoming me knows all this wild stuff about little-kid-me. She is bringing me back to things I knew and forgot.
Playtime playtime playtime playtime.
My playmate and I had playdates all week, and it was intense and beautiful and new.
Also we bonded over a secret serum (pun noticed and rejoiced over).
I am loving every moment of this.
I stopped being scared.
Because I remembered.
Endless yoga.
This week I spent at least three hours a day in yoga time.
Normally this much yoga-ing means either a very happy Havi, or a not-doing-great Havi who is self-medicating.
And while it’s true that it was a lot of pain that reminded me to descend to the floor, once I was there everything got better.
This week was a taste of how things are when I am taking care of myself first and as the main thing that I do. This was important.
Also I did Long, Slow and Deep each night that I was gone (four nights in a row), and that was pretty incredible. Thank you, again, Gaye. And thank you, Bryan. And thank you, everything that ever happened that brought me to this.
The young doorman who said “YOU’RE sunny!” and then stared at me with puppy eyes.
Sometimes being flirted with is the cure to everything.
Tigers made it to the world series.
I feel strongly about this. And about how great this is.
Let’s not talk about the Giants, because I can’t even stand to think about it. We’ll deal with whatever happens tonight next week.
Right now we’re just rejoicing for the Tigers.
Background: I was a kid in Michigan in 1984, and that world series was just about the most exciting thing that ever happened ever.
Tabstravaganza! Or: what’s Havi been up to with all those open tabs?
- This piece on how to fake your way through Spinoza is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Via my brother who is @ezbrooks in the Twitter bar.
- I really have no idea why everyone I know does not own a monocle, come on people.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is brought to you courtesy of the First Mate…
Gravity Is Getting Stronger.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
The shiva nata starter kit and the non-sucky yoga kits are being discontinued. These are the last of them.
This is your chance if you want it.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
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Happy Friday!
I, too, was a kid in 1984, but in Chicago. I tried to google “Cubs-Padres 1984″but failed to come up with the image etched in my 4th grade mind- that of celebratory Padres pouring out of the dugout, offensively shaking up champagne… I also failed to find any photos of 4th graders with bad haircuts and Lisa-Frank style rainbow-heart T-shirts weeping…. Anyhow- the baseball enemy of my baseball enemy is my friend. 🙂
*sigh*. Cubs.
This is my first CHICKEN in a great while. I will be very brief.
-Hard:
– lingering exhaustion and head-cold lightheadedness. Boo.
– Shoulder issues. Crossfit is not for me. Boo.
– All emotional about life direction, decisions I have made, am making, will make. Boo hoo hoo. Boo.
– Procrastinatrix supreme. Blah.
-Good:
-remembering that thankfulness fixes a lot.
-Reading things that bring back memories, even Cubs defeats. (and 1984 olympics, and McDonalds Olympics prize thingys that you pretty much would win *something*)
-world adventures
-sweet boy
-good-bad dog
-bad cat
-I am going to pamper myself this weekend.
Super Big Hugs!
Ingrid
Oh, Friday. I don’t even know. Let’s take a look.
Hard:
–Unpredictable and upside down sleep patterns. At the moment, I am really wanting permission to sleep any time I want, for as long as I want. Now would be good. I hope I can work a nap into my lunch break.
–Daughter was overtired and prickly and miserable last night, and I got very much into my stuff over it. Not as sovereign as I would wish to be, alas. Now I have monsters telling me that I should have been able to take her sadness away, and monsters telling me that I should have been more sovereign and not allowed her bad feelings to make me feel bad. And then there are the monsters who are horrified to discover how seemingly narrow-minded she currently appears to be about poetry, of all things (this has been coming up lately, at school and at home), and think that this is a sure sign that I am failing as a mother. But mostly, this is just me having fallen deeply into my stuff. Bleah. I really do need to take that nap.
Good:
–New clients!
–My sister surprised me with a lovely belated birthday present: deliciously scented body cream, in a beautiful ceramic pot.
–At the local renaissance fair, I got to hear (and sing along with, of course!) the Pyrates Royale singing sea chanteys and bawdy ballads, and it made me feel closer to Rally-scallions everywhere.
–Little wisps of songwriting ideas. I’m trying to be very gentle with these, so as not to frighten them away.
Wishing a happy, peaceful weekend to all of you!
I grew up in Detroit, so fuck YEAH Tigers!!
Oy, this freaking week:
the suck:
-hard talk with the husband. until tuesday every day he had been home had involved some sort of ugly argument where i became an angry, vindictive woman abd he kept “mansplaining” how despite his constant abuse, I shouldn’t “complain so much” and “why was I alwasy angry?”
-FIL has stepped up his helping, yes he has, but unless he is told specifically what to do, he wont do it. Hungry children do not get fed, overflwoing trash doesnt go out, unless i tell him to do
-feeling bad and unproductive and slack because i have abandoned all my wriitng projects, including the Resurrection, in order to pet friendly dogs on line
-feeling bad about how it must look to others: my husabnd so injured and me refsuing at times to help. thsi is so wrong, i know it, but i cant change my feelings.
-having to bully the 11year old into finally finishing her project. being in my stuff because she cut many corners and it looks messy and not great, and I know her grade will be less than she expects
-being in my stuff, being unable to leave my stuff behind long enough to make new choices
-not even fronting that i’m sober. i dont even try to stay sober. shame and more shame
the sparkle:
-Humming helps!
-things flwoing together better
-the kids stepping up to help during this fucked up time
-the kids going to florida next week, thank Gawds
-Pagan Pride Day!
-the MysteryPlay of Joy! despite engaging my directorial self (“Okay I need to invite you all the shut the fuck up for a second…”) I’m liking doing theatre again
-an invitation to blog on Pagan Square! even in the fallow time, lil sprouts popping up
-gorgeous weather!
-made it to Ballet Sculpt
-moving thru the ToDo list more efectively, getting things done
-ordering Non Sucky Yoga! Instead of putting it off, and fretting about it selling out, and than having it sell out, and then feeling both stupid and dissatiafied–i bought it and it’s coming. I do not have to fret or worry.
-new yoga pants!
-new eyeshadow! (olive and lime greens)
-wearing lingerie to bed because i fucking can
-desite the anger, rage and frustartion of the past week, and my husband’s occasional choice to make life harder for me, I weathered recent storms without falling into my oldest worst patterns. I was tempted but I refrained, thinking “Imagine how shitty you’ll feel if you do X” And then not doing X.
-it may be just fantasy, it may be immoral, but I’ve got a lil pop of desire and excitement re: Arizona and I like it.
A beautiful weekend for you all
Cheers, Chickeneers!
The Hard
– so schleeeeepy this week
– realizing I hate the way my living room is decorated
– new hairstylist fried my hair
The Good
– sovereignly declining requests for attending a meeting that was called with no notice and for joining another committee
– loving week 2 of having a couch where my desk used to be
– breakfast for dinner
Hard:
– Not listening to my music because of incredibly obscure monster objections. Everything goes worse without music.
– I got a cold. And the hubsters isn’t sick anymore but is still coughing. So in addition to being sick, I’m still PTSD-y and not sleeping because he coughs really loudly. Dragging myself from place to place like a zombie. It is hard to enjoy anything when you are a zombie.
– First I wasn’t hearing back about the three things, and then I heard back about all of them and one of them was really bad news.
– And I more or less handled the news. But the other three people affected went into some hard patterns of theirs and that wasn’t very fun. Especially since all of them have more control over the situation than I do. I hope they just need some space and then our versions of what’s going on and what to do will be more synced up, but in the meantime it’s scary.
– Fallout from going to a party. That took so much time to recover from. And I suppose I could have predicted that, but I didn’t.
– I need things. People want to give them to me. I feel weird about this. It’s kind of silly.
– My friend found a place to live. Yay for him, of course, but it’s 40 minutes away and more importantly it is not *here* where I get to see him every day. 🙁
Good:
– Fun party! Six hours playing board games and making stupid jokes and holding a very fun baby.
– The day after we got the bad news when everything seemed to be going wrong, everything (else) worked out perfectly. I asked for right-timing vibes from the Floop and EVERYONE’s schedules lined up perfectly. It was glorious.
– I have a smartphone! And mostly it is here instead of “in the mail” like it’s been for the last month, so the waiting is done on that thing.
– The baby is vertex! (Head pointing down). Again, good on its own but also good because I can stop asking everyone if they think it’s a foot or a hand poking me in the ribs. Now I’ll just complain that my ribs hurt in peace.
– I found the way out of the zombie bad mood that was in my control. For a day. And it was good.
– I watched Ghostbusters for the first time ever. That was fun.
– Cutest itsy bitsy shirts and pants.
Kisses to everyone! (Sovereignty kisses, obviously. The kind that don’t penetrate force-fields without permission.)
Greetings all!
Fridays come fast these days…sheeeesh.
Here we go….
THE GNARBLY BITS:
– Insomnia! Oh to sleeeeeep for six hours at a stretch…. please please.
-Being a big ole judgey-pants of my self.
–starting to REALLY notice this. Hoping that noticing leads to … lightening up/shifting this.
-Being content to keep it simple and not pile on more more more…
–this may simply be an off-shoot of the aforementioned Mz Judgey-Pants sticking her snoot in and trying to sabotage …. again and still…Being content to keep it simple and not pile on more more more…
THE TASTY BITS:
+the nights I DID find sleep were so very sweet. Thank you.
+bits of work around the shack to make it cozier and cozier.
+shiny bits of wisdom landing in my lap
++ from online lectures: stop and notice the judging and lay a hand on yourself (on cheek, heart, for me it is tucking in my thumbs) and let yourself know that you are OK – for me this week the sentiment has been, “It’s OK, raggedy-girl. You are fine. Be gentle” – the raggedy is not a judgement, it makes me smile. (see Dr. WHO aka “raggedy man”)
++ from magical books arriving in my hands at just the right moment: the concept of switching my constant “I should… I need to…” over to “Wouldn’t it be lovely if…” I do believe this could save my life.
++ a visit from a lovely woman I am just getting to know: the vision of a lonely childhood and the urge to go back in time and visit that child and take a walk with her.
+I’ve got the Joy joy JOY joy down in my heart…down in my heart…
++ the joy of actually DOING what I set out to do for the week (work wise)
++ the joy of eating breakfast and bonus of NOTICING what I am eating through out the day
++ the joy of guitar callouses and hand strength returning from… daily practice
++ the joy of walking
And… all this stemming from….
++ a huge happy dance about the getting up each day at 7am! Cheeeeers for me!
Have a grand weekend, you wild and wonderful chickeneers!
go easy -p
Oh sweetie, that sucks! (whatever it is, I’m sure it sucks if you say it sucks)
TIIIIIIIIGGGGGGERRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSS!!!
(I lived in Detroit in 1996. That was not such a good year to be a fan. That makes the sweep so much sweeter.)
*muppetflails*
Hard:
* politics, spam/robocalls, and other things that feel like shoes covered in tar and make me taaaaaaaarhd when I tangle with them
* feeling unsure about if/how/when to respond to various things
* housekeeping =/ billable time
* and some days nothing, but NOTHING, feels like it’s ever getting clean. Or done.
* wanderlust. And envy. And mourning things that will need to be set aside to make other things feasible.
* finding out that something I spent many hours on in 2006/2008 is now out of print. Which is not really a surprise, but still, there is sadness about it no longer being readily available.
Good:
* in 2010, I helped a friend clean up her place after the big flood here. This week I returned the photos and papers I’ve been storing for her.
* my sweetie is pleased with the new space for his motorcycle repair shop
* plotting three-week road trip
* iguana-
shovingnudging: slow progress is still progress* feeling able to take my time with the iguanas
* anatomy coloring book
* unexpected endorsements
Shabbat shalom!
—>Oh sweetie, that sucks!
(For anyone who wants it)
(I could use some too.)
(Heartsighs, hugs ect much appreciated)
Ugh. I’m not even sure of where to begin.
THE HARD
-Being cranky for a couple of days, and not being able to do anything about it.
-And then realizing that my crankiness was a symptom of an oncoming freight train of a cold.
-Hurts to swallow, and also to talk, and I had to do a lot of yelling the past few days.
-Thursday afternoon and evening. Silent retreat. But this is not helping my hypothesis that Thursdays Suck.
-And another thing that was hard about Thursday was leaving my phone charger at work.
-{Silent Retreat on work hard}
-Learning how to do some of the harder tasks at work.
-Spent this whole week thinking about an e-mail I had to send, that I didn’t want to send. But I did send it, and it wasn’t as horrible as my monsters had feared. But now I have to wait for the reply…
-Wanting things, and my monsters saying that they are IMPOSSIBLE!
-All the things going on in my life are things I can deal with, but all together, I am in serious Overwhelm Mode. Like, I often seriously consider things like quitting my job, calling in sick, throwing a tantrum like one of my students would, stuff like that.
-Feeling trapped, stuck, like I woke up in the wrong life, and I don’t know what I want to do or when/how I can do it.
-Being thrown into a Special Needs classroom unprepared sucked. So does working with a sub who doesn’t know what she’s doing. Also, having a new sub every week is throwing the kids majorly off-balance.
-Container spillovers.
The good!
+Payday
+Pirate ships! Not even a metaphor, but actual ships, that you can display on a table, and now they are mine!!!
+Secret playdates and coloring/crafting at work!
+And playing with the kids! My coworkers said today that I was having more fun than the kids, and it was kinda true! We popped wheelies and danced and colored and played pirates.
+Sweetness and fun from the kids I work with.
+Being respected and appreciated at both my jobs. It’s important, damnit.
+Practicing wanting things, even if they feel impossible.
+Bought myself a phone, even though I felt a lot of outside pressure not to. And it’s a smartphone, so now I should have access to the Internet all the time. Also, music! And games! And apps like DoodleJoy!
+I love my gentleman friend. He’s totally the best. (For me!)
+I guess my birthday is coming up? Not sure if I’m ready, but birthdays bring some nice things.
+Even though it doesn’t feel like it, it is my weekend, and I’m gonna enjoy it, dammit.
*breathing room*
Hello chickens, love to all chickeneers
This week, HOW ARE YOU FRIDAY ALREADY?
FUNNY:
I ate sugar and eggs and got zits, it’s like math, the sum of the equation is zits, it’s nice that I know it will go away if I stop doing those things and it’s nice that it’s amusing more than anything.
GOOD:
I turned the thing–half of it–into the person on time and got a great response, and the thing is already doing it’s job of helping and inspiring people (the people who are helping me make it) I feel really secure and solid more than happy-happy, I feel the future and the building of the next thing without so many impediments and obstacles
HARD
I still have more editing to do, it is HARD, it makes me really tired
This is going really slowly because I got sick and couldn’t work
Editing is the kind of focus that makes me so tired and requires so much downtime, recovery time.
GOOD:
Forward progress on (silent retreat), signs of land are near, who knew, we’ll see: adventure. Things shifting.
GOOD:
EMDR is helping clear some stuckness around patterns of how much I LOVE to be overwhelmed, how safe it feels to me–in just a few weeks it is changing–the actual work schedule I need instead of what I think I should be doing is actually a possibility now–before, I would never have been able to admit/accept this.
GOOD:
Support and love from my awesome people, the circle is small and the hearts are true, I am very grateful.
GOOD and HARD:
EMDR revealing some weirdness! Fascinating and sad but also freeing–one person’s presence at different times in my life kept me grounded, periods when she was not around I became lonely, lost and prone to overwhelm/activity overload. And then of course at a certain point we couldn’t be friends anymore and everything spun way, way out of control, and then I had to transform. I didn’t know how important she had been to the whole thing, and it gives me huge clews to the next phase of things, to what I need.
GOOD:
Thursday was Dammit Day. Everything in one area made me sooooo mad and I became very clear on very solid boundaries, and then by today it’s all cooked and out of the oven–new, awesome boundaries so clear, and I feel really safe and happy and supported. This anger cycle around boundaries used to take me months, then weeks, and so it’s really really nice it cycled in a day. I am sure this is one of those rare times it’s this fast but I am super grateful. The EMDR on overwhelm I think is speeding things up majorly.
happy weekend, xoxo
Cluckerydoo
Hards
– can not getting enough sleep make it harder to go to sleep? Even though you’re more tired? It certainly works that way with babies so I suppose it holds into adulthood. I think that’s what has been happezzzzzzz wha?? oh sorry, -ning.
– boundary impositions. And reminders about why the new path I’m forging is right for me right now. Ouch. Reminders. I get it.
– old patterns. New uncertainties. Both hard in their own sweet way.
– clarity around money. Wouldn’t it be nice if they hadn’t fucked up the economy?
– crap car pulling its crap on me when i really need it to be not a crap car.
– not out, not in, but withdrawn I guess… ugghh people want explanations and a socially prescribed label for What Is Happening and there (I fear) isn’t one that is both accurate and not-Stuff-inducing. Which is fine I get it it’s just their stuff they’re allowed to have their stuff but I wish the whole world was a bit more self-fluent and able to deal with un-lable-able stuff by saying wow-that-seems-[odd/bad/great/abouttime/whatever]-but-I-know-I-don’t-have-the-full-picture-so-I’m-just-going-to-offer-my-support-and-love-without-conditions-anyway-and-just-abstain-from-having-an-opinion-because-what-the-fuck-do-I-know-about-being-them?
– my appetite is weird. Also boring lower jiao ouchinesses which are annoying and sore and boring and make me angry at bullshit sex-ed that left me Not Looked After even though they claimed they were taking care of me and my peers. Boooolsheeeeet!! And now, ouch. So fuck you bullshit anti-educational sex-ed, in the one that lives with the consequences and I don’t think I’m going to go to hell, and I didn’t end up pregnant and aborting, and I didn’t ruin my ‘precious gift’ bc you know what the precious gift was not some fetishised idea about a before/after state of being but the chance to be in proximity to me ever at all whatsoever which is true for the entirety of a person’s life, what DID happen was that I had no respect for your ‘moral’ education and was too squeamish to get a real education and I ended up, like 80% of the population enjoying a particular virus except unlike 80% of the population I get to enjoy it whenever I am tired and run down and I am a sleep deprived mother of a special kid and a baby so of course that means freeeeequently and FUCK YOU bullshit catholic education you FAILED in your duty of care! Raahr!
– pissed off ness from a combination of all the above? It seems? Just a little?
*shake-it-off* *shake-it-off*
*ex-ex-ex-haaaaale*
Moving on..,
Goods.
+ a budget and a savings plan and contracting a Professional Dragon-Tamer to tame the debt-dragon and turn him into a Guardian-Of-My-Treasure mighty but under-control pet instead.
+ clarity and reminders, even when the list of specific reminders dissolves the minute I try to think of it. I know there are reasons though, and that I get frequent reminders about why I’m on track. And that’s enough. That iiiiiiii know. I do not need to be able to articulate why. Because. That’s why.
+ sweetness from kids and hub.
+ the strength of my convictions
+ at least I’ll have something to blog about. Making space. Uh, yeah. Just a little.
*sigh* That’ll do.
Cluck xoxoxo
Hard:
-Work. My coworker took another job and they haven’t replaced her position yet which means I’m doing 2 jobs right now. From the looks of things I’ll be doing this for a good few months, too.
-Various stucknesses. It’s all in my head.
-Getting caught up in some old habits from then.
-Finding out that I didn’t take good notes at the parent meeting, so we haven’t been turning in part of my 1st grader’s homework for the past 6 weeks. Big helping of beating myself up and monster shouting mean things at me there.
-Had a generally hard time trusting myself and others this week.
Good:
-Support. I have a lot of people routing for me right now.
-Noticing that I’m getting caught up in the old habits from then before I spiral too far.
-I drank lots of my favorite tea this week.
-I’m reading for fun again!
-Harmless stranger flirting.
-Seeing old friends, acquaintances, and work colleagues for the first time in months/years (depending on the person).
-My senior-aged dog went to the vet and got a clean bill of health.
Oh, Friday. Hmph.
This week’s hard:
– So much to do to reenter after the conference.
– Thinking all day yesterday it was Friday when it was Thursday. And despite finding myself with a “bonus” day today, still did not accomplish half of what I wanted to accomplish.
– Miscalculation on how long a new class would take to teach. I hate rushing students out the door with most of a project, but not the whole thing. Also, literally tapping your foot at me and staring me down? Not helping.
This week’s good:
– Gorgeous spectacular fall weather.
– Wonderful show opening last night.
– Some progress, at least.
– Fun group for my class, and forgiving of my misjudgment.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
I’m not going to sort out the hard and the good, just summarize the week.
People kept smiling at me today.
I didn’t get to talk to someone I wanted to.
I didn’t get to spend time with J as we planned. And I haven’t had coffee with T for a loooonnnng time.
But it was an incredibly social week anyway.
I got my flu shot and then had all of the side-effect symptoms they warn about. And had to teach while feeling like that.
Great comments from my students, and compliments for my teaching.
Talked with an old friend.
Something awesome that I did last summer is even more fun to talk about, and I had an opportunity to talk about it this week.
Autumn beauty plus cold wet days.
Weird sleep pattern.
Not eating properly.
Forgetting my meds.
Lack of self care making itself felt.
MrB acting preoccupied; trying not to worry that he is experiencing new symptoms.
Our son’ birthday; we tried to see him and, although he said he would like it and would be available at a certain time, he wasn’t.
So that is the week that was.
Halllooooo.
The Hard: Thing from last weekend that triggered strong memories of really icky thing from long past. Two days of PTSD. Did not like.
The Good: Did a bunch of good deeds, a lot of writing, and a lot of old Turkish lady yoga and it all helped.
Making progress on the wacky project I committed to at Rally.
Figured out an important thing that will shape my newly-renamed site Making Things (Up).
Fun Fact: @havi, *I too was in Michigan (just north of Detroit) in 1984.* Go Tigers.
The hard:
Feeling absolutely zonked last weekend.
Feeling emotionally ‘off’ much of this week: sad and blue and anxious and argh!
Wondering what it is I want, biz and career wise.
Difficult conversations and difficult feelings.
Becoming super aware of a very frustrating pattern, and you know, being frustrated by it.
Inedible olives. Bah!
The good:
Being able to deal with the blue-ness and anxiety without spiralling into freak out.
Getting a handle on why I’ve been feeling so anxious. Illumination!
Enjoying work – both for my self and my new job.
Great evening at the writers group. Laughter + thoughtful conversation + meeting lots of new people + hanging out with people who are becoming friends.
Meeting up with another old friend.
Beautiful walk around a natural harbour + bird sanctuary.
So much delicous and free food has been consumed!
A little financial bonus.
***
Oh sweeties, that sucks, to anyone in need.
And wishing everyone a lovely weekend.