Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What worked?
Choosing not to do a fun-sounding thing.
The truth is, all signs pointed to don’t do this thing. But it took me a while to get there.
Then I didn’t do the thing and it was PERFECT that I did not do the thing.
This is exactly the kind of situation that would usually require a complicated internal debate before I could even get to the point of decision-making.
Running the fans.
Fans. Use the fans. The hypothalamus does not do its magic without the fans.
Moving a longstanding regular appointment to a new day.
This has to do with movement, paying attention, following intuitive tugs and pulls, and consciously stepping out of stagnation. All of which: hugely important right now.
Acting on this impulse felt tingly and good.
Writing dates with my playmate.
No talking. Just the reassuring clicking of keyboards in unison through the magic of speakerphone.
Tiny bits of sweetness for tomorrow-me.
I have been carefully undoing my shoelaces at night so that morning-me rushing off to dance doesn’t have to get all tangled up while getting into her shoes.
So she can skip merrily off to the bus with everything going smoothly. It’s taken forever to remember to do this, and now the new pattern: it is mostly landed.
Next time I might…
Take more time to recognize how hard it is when things change.
After three months of having one thing on my agenda (Hey Havi, let’s Resolve the Awful Crisis of Doom), I suddenly had to look at all the things that need doing.
Both the things that needed doing before the Disastrous Everything Is Breaking Worst Thing, and the things that have piled up in the meantime.
I thought it would feel good to get it all out of my head and onto paper, but what actually happened was that I felt unbearably lonely and overwhelmed.
Lots of pressure and dread. Pressure-dread. Because: iguanas!
Anyway, I think my push for Let’s Focus So We Can Do All The Things meant I didn’t give myself nearly enough time to grieve over how hard this is.
As always the answer was: all feelings are legitimate! And then: empty and replenish, empty and replenish. And (if you’re me) don’t work from home!
Avoid social media in all forms? LIKE THE PLAGUE?
Well, maybe not like that. But whenever I visited the river (my metaphor for going online) this week, I was not happy.
Maybe I need more conscious entry. Or maybe hormonal rage and social media should never mix. Or maybe time off will help. Experiments to follow.
Check the Book of Me in the morning.
I have notes in the book of Havi Bell about how going to get things done to my hair is a portal to a time warp that mysteriously eats up my entire day. Even if the appointment itself hardly takes any time, that day is toast. Always.
But I forget that and try to think logically about my day: I’ll have this much time and I can fit this many things in there.
It doesn’t work like that.
Hair day, for whatever reason, is a lost day. Like a zombie day (when you don’t get enough sleep the night before). Or maybe not lost. It is its own thing.
So next time I will experiment with an appointment later in the day. Or shaving my head again. That’s an option too. But mainly: reminding myself that this is not a day for doing, thinking or crossing anything off of a list.
The hard.
- Not wanting to yog.
- Hormonal doom of doom.
- TOO MANY THINGS.
- Panicky overwhelm and overwhelming panic related to the above three items.
- People being inexplicably mad at me. Or maybe the explanations were right there. It was all very baffling to me.
- Someone I love sounding pretty much exactly like that one group of my monsters.
- Toozday was supposed to be a day of doing but then it turned into exactly the opposite of that.
- Wanting to do absolutely nothing.
- Except blow shit up. To destroy things and watch them crash and burn.
- Oh, still with the drama. More people drama-ing new drama.
- Barns still burning. Each time I think I’m okay with this barn, I have to learn to let go of the next one, it seems.
- Wanting the vacation so badly I can taste it, and it’s all I think about and I have a window of possibility but too far away and too many variables and not sure how it can happen when I need it to. Or before I need it to, if it comes to that.
- Let’s expand on hormonal doom of doom. Sore. Miserable. Looking like a rabid cranky Jessica Rabbit. Rage and terror. I’ve been working on these side-effects for years and usually the things I do work, but either I haven’t been doing enough of the things that work or [let’s not think about “or” right now].
- Everything grating on me, all nerves raw.
- After my amazing day of making all the progresses on Wednesday, I was looking forward to yoga/dinner/celebrating, but instead got in a huge business-related fight. And then spent several more hours working to fix the problem. I was so looking forward to basking, feeling proud and motivated. Instead it crumpled.
- PTSD dreams and waking up in terror.
The good.
- Remembering the emergency calm and using the hell out of those techniques. Also practicing everything we did at Crossing the Line. Works.
- Long-distance writing date with my playmate. For some reason we haven’t ever done this before, and it was exactly the just-right thing. Steady, calming, motivating and sweet. Both of us typing away from afar.
- Being so excited to tell you guys how crazy-impossibly well the previous week’s Very Personal Ads worked that I wrote this week’s early. That has NEVER happened, in one hundred and seventy eight weeks of doing this. That was cool.
- Quiet.
- Pausing (paws!) and more pausing.
- The conducting vault.
- Walking in the garden.
- The argument getting resolved because: compassionate communication.
- Fake Beach Day with Marisa! And eating sabich. The best.
- The color gold.
- Ten beautiful breaths.
- Knowing what I want and being (astonishingly) okay with that.
- Getting what felt like ALL THE THINGS done on Wednesday in a giant day of doing. I got more done on Wednesday than I have all year.
- Playing on the Floop and solving things, sparked by other people’s epiphanies.
- A wonderful person from the Floop has named my (ours, actually, all of us, since you will be following along in some form or another even if just through reading about it here) upcoming Year of Emptying And Replenishing by abbreviating it to YEAR. I love this.
- Abbreviations, in general! And secret spy words. Also everyone at the Frolicsome Bar (that’s our facebook thing) helped me with that too.
- Writing the Secret Rose Missive to Alon.
- Possible glimmer of a spark of a maybe-vacation.
- The following sentence: “Not a doubt in my mind that you can totally handle this like the sexiest lion tamer in the world.” <3
Also I have thank-yous! Thank you, Kate (and Andy) for the book. Anna, for the other book. Richard, for yet another book. Darcy, for the wonderful letter that made me cry. Andrea, for the perfect surprise gift. And Lissa, for the beautiful reminder. Thank you.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of all the walls coming down!
Thanks, Wally. And thanks also to the actual wall. It literally came down while the internal ones were falling apart.
And also the superpower of steadiness. And drinking whiskey while the barns burn.
And a superpower I want next week.
More steadiness please. And vitality.
Also the superpower of not caring how.
From the archives.
- Talking to a wall.
- A letter I wrote to myself close to two years ago..
- The dammit list.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is melancholy and sweet and their hair is always getting in their eyes. They’re called:
Girl Or Almost.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Points to Nick for the name.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Alright. The pre-sale for the regular sale for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing (password: compass) ends Friday, December 7, which is TONIGHT.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
(((HUGS)))
What was hard:
* Last Friday. So very, very silent retreating on last Friday. But ugh.
* Crazy cranky person Saturday, that I couldn’t get out of my head space for WAY too long.
* Yesterday’s luncheon disaster, and the week of chaos leading to it.
* Having HUGE issues with There’s No Time monsters. And must make extra income NOW. And all that.
* Ate something I shouldn’t have… and was terribly sick. I KNOW better. Really. But it sounded good at the time. Sigh.
What was good:
* Having systems for dealing with the hard. Thanks, Havi and Floop!
* On Wednesday when the stress was at its peak, recognizing the pattern, realizing that I was moving through it faster than usual, and being thankful for it.
* Making progress on a project.
* Noticing my patterns. Knowing that a stressful thing was coming, and being super careful with myself.
* Having fabulous drawing time.
* Having a great class on Monday. Wanting all the extra time for classes and projects and drawing!
* Going to the library for date night.
Ohhhh, week, week, week. I am ready to part ways if you are. And even if you aren’t.
What worked? My choice of the next book to read to my daughter turned out to be clever and very satisfying for both of us.
Next time, I might… …start getting out of the house by 7 again on the days of the nursing home gig. Yes, those extra minutes snuggling in a warm bed are delicious, but anxiety about being late is not so great.
Hard things:
–Getting cut from the opera chorus, because when the music director was told to reduce the size of the ensemble he decided to cut the last four women who had signed up, and I was the first of those four. I am bitterly disappointed.
–Fell down the stairs this morning, wrenching my foot. It hurts just enough to be really, really annoying.
–Probably related: sleep patterns this week have been messed up like whoa.
–Family dynamics, and getting triggered by same.
–Having to cancel my hair appointment because money is so tight right now.
Good things:
–Making gingerbread cookies with my family.
–Cunningly getting good prices on journals with luxuriously fabulous paper.
–Invitations to dinner.
–Kind and loving words from others.
–A client offered me some additional work, beginning in the fall, and made it very clear how much I am appreciated and valued.
Superpowers!
–This week: The power to turn invisible at will.
–Next week: The power to breathe healing into myself — and others, if they wish it.
Hugs to Havi! So much hard.
My week has been really weird.
What Worked?
– Vending for the first time ever! SO MUCH FUN HOLY COW. And I got lots of good advice from a senior vendor ahead of time so I was able to avoid simple first-timer mistakes. Yay.
– Asking my friends to help me cover my table while vending.
– Changing my alarm to wake me more gently in the morning.
Next Time I Might…
– Prepare for vending an extra day in advance, so that the day before vending I can relax.
The Hard
– Medical/health issues. Ugh. Frustrating.
– Exhausted after vending, which probably contributed to the medical issues.
– [Silent Retreat!]
The Good
– Signing up for the Year of Emptying and Replenishing! So excited!
– So many people liked my blank books at the craft fair! And bought them! Yay!
– A total stranger bought two books from my Etsy shop, too! That’s never happened before!
– I bartered with a lovely felowvendor at the craft fair for some custom bath scrub, and it came yesterday and is AH MAY ZING. I am in love.
– My sweetie taking care of me while I deal with med/health issues. He’s the sweetest.
– I got invited to vend at another craft fair next week! Yay!
Superpowers
– This week I had the superpower of being nice and positive and polite even when I was tired and cranky. That was pretty awesome. Also the superpower of being friendly to strangers.
– Next week I would like the superpower of knowing when to rest and actually doing it.
Cheers, Chickeneers!
The Hard
– hair appointments that take FOREVER
– person I don’t want to have lunch with managed to wrangle me into making a lunch appointment for next week [bah! I know I need to figure out a sovereign way to keep this from happening…]
– apathy
The Good
– the new yin teacher is getting better and her classes don’t annoy me as much
– quiet week at the office so I go lots done
– forward progress on a project that was stuck
Cluck!
Hard things included…
– moving being so expensive…
– shyness/ feeling conflicted about getting in contact with people…
– feeling like (not feeling, being afraid, based on the evidence, that I am) an unwelcome guest in a place I believe I should NOT be unwelcome.
– car crap, and self-judgement for Not Knowing How To Do Everything, even when I recognise I’ve had no opportunity to learn and besides I don’t even believe there is ever anything but innocence, so EXTRA self-judgement for having self-judgement. Win!
– Yeah, the self-judgement stuff was/is hard.
– accompanied by a thrashing from my Culpability Crew who try to protect me by making any and all mistakes so painful that I Will Never Make A Mistake Again Ever. Not a formula that works, yet hard to observe/ interact with/ not fall in with when it seems so compelling and besides NEURAL PATHWAYS. Ugh.
– kids…. I love them but MAN they are always THERE, and need feeding THREE times a day or more. I would be much better at taking care of a cat. The feeding stuff is so endless and sometimes it’s really kind of overwhelming. (Insert further self-judgement HERE).
However!
Good stuff included…
+ my new house!!! Clean, clear, untarnished, uncompromised SPACE to be ME, unjudged, fully permitted to be who I am, as I am, SPACE. EX-to-the-haaaaale!!! This has been big.
+ navigating shamestorms instead of being sucked into the vortex.
+ looking forward to taking my Y.E.A.R. in the country, and making extensive field notes on my experiments with how replenishment is possible (it’s just GOTTA be possible!) even while residing in Bolivia, as a single Bolivian, with a special needs llama and a nursing llama too.
Because I’m tired of just bitching about how crap the nuclear family set-up is, I wanna blow the cultural bullshit around motherhood to
motherpatriarchyfucking pieces!!!!! VIVE LA REVOLUTION!!!(I especially like the idea of creating a revolution by napping a lot! Subversive napping!! Just one guy?)
+ PORPOISE!! Life porpoise!! I like to have a clear sight of my life porpoise. Yay.
+ Wonderbaby is nearly nearly nearly crawling. She ish jusht shooooo shweeeeeeet!!! Shmoo shmoo shmoooo. She is just about my most favourite person on the planet.
+ Little Lad is doing okay at his school transition stuff and I think he’s going to be okay. He had a friend over a couple of weeks ago and they spent THREE HOURS (!!!!!!!!!!!) playing together non-stop, beautifully, highly imaginatively, with TOYS, PRETENDING, like… like he was a NORMAL kid (sorry for using the N-word there). His friend was obviously the one progressing the storyline because when he’s been playing by himself since then he’s sorta grabbed on to a couple of lines of their game to replay and replay and replay, but at least he’s GOT to the point where he can notice/ absorb/ understand/ accept/ respond appropriately to the storyline ideas of other people! This is huuuuuuuuge. Learning to Play!! A critical CRITICAL element of Helping Your Kid Navigate The World With An ASD. Yaaaaaaaay *kermit flail*
+ this year is nearly over. It will be good to close it off I feel. Thankyou 2012 for your bootcamp in sovereignty by way of Very Hard Learning Experiences. I will be glad to enter 2013 soon.
xoxoxo
Cluck, y’all.
love to everyone. @claire, living in bolivia single is very hard, but having “una casita sola tuya” can be very sweet.
what worked this week:
-Exiting the Day. I hit more often than not and it made everythign better. I also Noticed that as long as it’s dark before 11 AND i get The Tea, pretty much everything else is gravy,
-invoking the superpower of Oh this will be fine without me worrying. I did, and it was and I didn’t.
next week:
-more Exiting the Day
-more Noticing. i got the bing! as I was sitting down that i could pratice Noticing as a meditative practice. I feel like I Noticed more things that are dysfunctional BUT also their solutions
the hard:
-husband sick, exhausted, at work 6 days now, in pain from recovery, and in mood that would accompany these things.
-kids and their stuff
-kids bringing up my stuff
-slack at work, shame.
-the Big Undefinable Knot of STuff I am Not Confronting. Even my horoscope this week said: hey stop avoiding your shit or a spider will bite your ass. Literally, taht’s what my hooroscope said.
-proxying this bundle of dissatisfaction and crnky with myself-ness as the Beam. feh. it’s just not sparkly.
-that lil pop of early eveing energy that buoyed me thru last week, that allwoed me to finsih projecst and get my workout/yoga in? Not aroudn this week.
the good:
-gentle reminders to return to my Little windows, they’ve been dark too long
-writing.
-lots of clarity about the writing and the rediscovery of my writing.
-truning my attention to things that i had been inexplicably ignoring despite their Hgh Priority
-more flailing. moving into level 2. the bing has returned!
-connecting with pleasure again thru my dancing. this is such a big thing for me!
-signing up for the Year of Emptying and Replenishing! SOOOOO stoked for this, already working on Embarking! So happy to be one of the Ship’s Mice!
-the last of the Warm Weather (shit, probably til May) and the dreaded but necessary and appropriate return of cold and please Gawds, SNOW.
-beign reminded that even the best habit “needs time to land.” wow, that is probably the most useful thing I learned this week
Hello, Chicken.
What Worked:
– The Floop! And a proxy about making tables. I can make tables with whomever the hell I want! And just because they helped doesn’t mean I have to give them the table. True story.
– Going to bed at 8p.m., getting up at 11a.m. When it happened, it was good.
– One day on, one day off. Today do laundry and go on a long walk. Tomorrow spend the whole day eating and sleeping, when possible.
– Having my mom here, when she was.
– Asking A to come over. She did! Twice! This was huge.
– The rocking chair.
– I don’t know what to call this one…”working on my stuff” is maybe a little vague. Something about remembering that I always want to be wishing all the best things for the people I love, with no attachments. And if I’m not there, I can work until I get there. Even when it’s hard as heck.
– Going on walks.
– Sexytimes. They are the best.
What I May Play with in the Future
– More help! Asking even more often of even more people for even more help.
– Avoiding malls.
– Clearing energy more often. This is priority number 1! Strange, but true.
– Drinking more water, and more tea, and taking more bathroom breaks. Even if that means hauling a small shrieking human into the bathroom with me.
– Fixing my bike! And getting a trailer! It feels like it’s almost time to start biking again.
The Hard
– Having the hubsters gone. And then, once he came back, my mother leaving.
– Screaming baby. Especially at 3a.m. The 3a.m. version of “screaming baby” is the worst.
– Super incredibly painful situation between me and someone I love. And how darn much work it’s been, in the little time I have with the little energy I have, to extricate myself from monster lies over and over again and return, tail between my legs, to compassion. God. I’m ready for a break. The longest break.
– In the absolute worst part of the above situation, getting an inadvertent reminder of the stuckness of it every fifteen minutes all day long. And feeling awful and needing space and not getting any.
– Oh the tired. By the third night (non-consecutive, though, that’s something) of screaming baby, the tired had definitely caught up to me.
The Good
– Painful situation is on the mend. Monsters weren’t right about anything! Misunderstandings are beginning to clear. It’s not over yet, but there’s hope.
– Old couple ice skating together. Beautiful.
– Muffins! And Thai food! And other delicious treats left in the freezer by my mother.
– Gifts from the Playground! And the teeniest tiniest visit!(One thousand million thanks!!)
– Naked baby time. Still the only guaranteed happy baby time.
– Pretty much everything else related to the baby, except the occasional screaming and the goopy eye.
– Long walks and energy and not being stuck in bed!
– Hey, at least I have a lot of practice not getting much done. It bothers me less these days.
– Ludicrously huge financial gift, thanks to the fiscal cliff. (Really. Somehow this political thing I don’t understand in the least is making my life way better.)
– A person I adore is moving to Portland for a while! I AM SO HAPPY! I WAS SO HOPING!
Superpowers!
I never thought I’d be able to say this, but this last week I was rocking the superpower of patience. Unlikely, but true!
Next week I would like the twin superpowers of Forgiveness and Remembering Now is Not Then.
Goodbye, Chicken. 🙂
First of all hugs to you. I know that hormonal doom and gloom and the piling of everything seems worse around then. I call it PMS vision – a speck of dirt can look like a pile of it.
I so relate to having a hair appt. ruin a whole day as far as other things go.
And you are hearing someone right now who has dealt with severe depression and chronic fatigue and PTSD for a long time. In fact, I’ve been broken up with a narcissist for a year and still my apartment is not organized and I relate to that overwhelming feeling of feeling overwhelmed and alone.
I stagnate staying home too often to try and fix my mess – my home, my business and then sit stupified and overwhelmed doing not much.
But there comes a time when things need to move. Yoga is helping me so much move through things just a little bit easier. But sometimes I’m just stock and paralyzed, more like it.
Thank you for your thoughts. I came home tonight and thought, “What’s Good?” There are things still good, thankfully.
I realized I wanted to post the way you have and others have. It seems more creative and I like that. I love the way you write.
THE HARD
So disorganized I took the wrong medication by accident for days in a row and got really sick. Became dehydrated and could not function after a while. Didn’t know what was wrong.
The holidays bringing up old pain.
The social media bringing up an old boyfriend related to old pain.
A new potential long-distance love interest throwing old boyfriend in face once I pointed him out.
Feeling overwhelmed by my lack of organization at home and in my book business.
Still stining from not getting mentioned at the event I did my performance at last week. My friend had to speak up.
A little tired of new age narcissists they can’t see anyone else. Just like the ex.
THE GOOD –
Still glowing and proud over my video art performance last week. I did it!
Feel renewed sense of accomplishment as an artist and wanting to keep doing it. I never thought I would again and then I did reached out and it came to me – opportunities.
Ashtanga Yoga healing my soul all over again after hard week.
Going out tonight to an event where ex will be and I feel I can deal with it in spite of still feeling pain and betrayal for so long. Can I get four-five years back of my life please?
I still have life. I still have hope.
Superpowers I would like to have:
More motivation to work and get organized please. Letting go fully of the past and moving fully forward from now on.
The good:
I’m sure the good things outnumber the not-so-good but I can’t feel them right now.
The hard:
Not being able to feel the good.
Zombie week, all week.
Sleep all screwed up.
Feeling cold and gray, like the weather. Even on days when there was sunshine.
What worked:
The routines that are in place.
What I might try:
“Acting as if.” As if I were not a zombie.
Pomodoros and accountability.
Hiding upstairs.
Writing VPAs for what I need for the VPAs I have been writing, to get some clarity.
Intentional television watching!
Not reading so much. Not visiting the river so much. I did it because I was zombie-fied, but it didn’t help.
The hard:
So. Tired. It is like I adopted a litter of puppies of the breed Tired. it’s like a foreign substance in my body called Tired. Like I keep doing Tired-flavored jello shots absentmindedly and can’t figure out why it feels so intense.
PTSD at beginning of week
Weird person in orbit freaked me out, weird scary residual vibes.
The desktop is so slow now (argh, Dropbox installation to blame?) you click one thing then go do a sink of dishes and come back before the rainbow wheel is gone
Tired is partly weird orbit, PTSD, but also a major caffeine excursion, curiosity does get the best of me, kinda worth it. I guess .
Room full of stuff to be moved out still.
No writing got done due to moving out of writing studio.
Also! Jeez, another plumbing leak, ceiling panels practically crashed down due to leaky pipe. Oh Neptune in Pisces.
The good:
Moving stuff cleared from common area
Help for ceiling leak prompt, kind, did not blame me or scream at me, so healing
Writing space set up promptly, miraculously things fit
yin yoga is an easier routine now
Hilary Mantel
Silent retreat: so satisfying to see major progress! Really really great.
Good sovereignty around my time and energy
Bought things to support me next year
deb reminded me it is just a phase and everything needs to move slowly
EMDR is incredible, you think you’re working on insomnia and this thing appears, this story, that feels like (silent retreat.)
I don’t have to be hyper vigilant to survive, because I will survive, and then at some point I won’t survive, the answer is to look at it as a game, roll the dice at the most calculated, best moment
Idiotic recycled new age helium NYC marketing haze email put everything into perspective. What lasts. What is worth it. What makes it through the forcefield.
Oooooh, writing date with playmate! My writing mate and I have never thought to try this. I LOVE it. Thank you!
And Cat: thanks for “PMS vision.” Ha! YES. (Although, I can come down with that independent of PMS it seems…)
The HARD in my week included being on this schedule that feels so very incongruent now, and knowing that it will last for some time to come.
The GOOD included making up a new schedule, that will come into being not so very long from now, I envision. I posted it above my desk and just looking at it fills me with delight.
The hard:
After updating Firefox I’m now getting weird JavaScript errors on facebook and wordpress sites. Annoying!
Burning my thumb on the oven.
Coming down with another nasty virus, and so spending a signficant amount of last weekend being ill.
When that is added to the fact I was still recovering from Nasty Virus #1, I had a week of being really, really tired. Bah!
Lots of stuff getting stirred up.
The good:
Dates! With someone I like rather a lot. Squee!
Medieval and Reniassance songs. Beautiful.
The visioning call on Monday. And actually being well enough to do it.
Bellydance!
Yoga!
Beautiful sunsets.
Delicious food.
Lots of stuff also getting worked through and released. Healing! Growth!
So many ideas for my [new thing!].
What worked this week:
Napping!
Playing with goddesses. I am so in love with how my practice is deepening.
What I might try differently:
Less wine!
More rest and replenishing time.
As always, love to all! <3
First, empathy for everyone’s Hards. Especially the Tireds.
”Y.E.A.R.” is a stroke of blinding genius.
Have been thinking about how ”Friday” = The Lady’s Day; Queen’s Day. Saw Freyja’s cats gleefully chasing chickens. Um, okayy. *pats subconscious imagery gently on the head*
Things that worked:
– Continuing to write down feelings, needs & ideas frequently.
– Playing with NVC (mostly internal) in relation to other people.
– Food experiment. More conscious about food, but without straining. Loving this.
– ”Housekeeping” breakthrough: In which I realized that ”tidying” really just means I get to Order Things Around. Which I actually love. There’s not even any back-talk! ”You, you can go join your brother over there. You – bye-bye, in the trash. Oh dear, you need a sweep, don’t you – there, all better.”
– Setting intentions before entering The River makes a big difference. *Why* am I going there and what does that mean I would like to respond to?
Ideas / Learnings:
– Shopping & dog-walking: Explore Adventure and Restful (Practicing Being Old) modes.
– Prep for outing with X helped, but I still underestimated needs & overestimated capacity, and circumstances.
– Next spring, double- and triple-check that I know where all my (and R’s) wintery gear is. Write down in a couple of places? Use future e-mail?
– Presents. They’re essentially an all-year thing. Empathy, presence.
The icks:
– The L thing.
– Money worries.
– The S thing.
– Walker withdrawals!
– The C thing. And the way it relates to the other things.
– It’s COLD. Also dark.
Appreciations:
– The Fluent Self community. You people are awesome.
– A day with sun! And I actually made it outside while it was still up!
– My fireplace. I always forget how much I love fire.
– Barbara Sher’s audiotapes.
– NVC audio program. Wow, I like MR *much* better this way than in print.
– Help from T re: couch acquisition. (I’ve been using a spare bed as a couch for 5 years. Am now unable to comprehend why they don’t make sofa covers that are as easy to change and clean as bed-sheets are.)
– Being welcomed back to several online communities. Hilarious friends who post wildly NSFW cartoons and pics.
– Bacon. Also chocolate Santas. And potatoes. And nuts.
– Warm clothes & hot running water.
– Politically-minded people who really care and try to make a difference.
A superpower I had this week:
The Superpower of First Things First.
For next week:
Expansiveness. Frictionlessness. Movement. Sparking. Glowing.
Eeeek, double post! Hope a Helper Mouse will clear out the copy. Actually, delete the *first* one, if you could. Thanks!
@Claire: The Napping Revolution: I am SO with you. Hey, we could arrange nap-ins in symbolic places and stuff!
And I would like to say (hope I’m not stepping on anyone’s Stuff by doing so!) as someone who does not reside in Bolivia nor plan to move there, but who has spent probably too much time thinking about what my llamahood was like – I strongly believe that the best thing you can do as a Bolivian is figure out how to take the best possible care of yourself. In fact this should be a proverb: ”Look after the Bolivian, and the llamas will look after themselves.”
(More or less, sorta-kinda, and I think everyone here knows what I’m getting at.)
Chickening ahoy!
Oh, boy.
What worked:
Promising myself “I will complete xx by (lunch, 5 pm, whatever seems feasible” and then doing it!
Politely deferring an interruption that threatened to derail me, and no one’s feelings were hurt.
What didn’t work:
Lesson learned: Do not discuss bothersome work situations before 9 am. Just don’t. Wait until I am less cranky.
The hard:
Our building’s feral cat colony experiment did not go as planned. Hard to know what the right thing to do is.
Family cat Henny had a sticky eye this week.
Sad anniversary was sad.
All of these things combined to bring up a lot of anxiety/grief/what have you.
The good:
Almost done with school! One more week.
When I snapped at someone, I apologized. Not my finest moment, but I tried to make it right.
Signed up for YEAR participation (to the extent work, job hunting, and school will allow). Woo hoo!
Henny’s eye is better, ferals seem to be hanging around, maybe all will be well.
I hope all is well with all of you too.
@Aese: nap-ins! Yes. Occupy your pillow!
Also, order-ing the things in your house around??? Genius! I am doing it in silly accents too, mostly like Colonel Clink except I’ve never really watched Hogan’s Heroes so there are lots of toys and shoes being called ‘Schultz!!’ because that’s pretty much the sum of Colonel Clink quotes I know. It is, nonetheless, amusing me greatly! xoxo