Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
What an odd week. It feels as though I managed to pack a month in here except wasn’t it just five minutes ago that I was chickening last week’s Chicken? Time. It is the funniest.
Interestingly, this is also what I have been writing about this week. Onward.
What worked?
Beach Rally!
Danielle and I spent three nights in a sweet cozy cabin at the Pacific Ocean.
And I treated it like Rally (Rally!). I wrote and napped and skipped stones and did lots of old Turkish lady yoga.
Everything about this was exactly what I needed. And it turned out to be the best way to spend the solstice.
Letting plans change.
Toozday was designated to be Writing Day. But then it was more of a meh-no-energy day.
So I turned it into a Putterday. Which was so great.
And the puttering cleared my head and set up the entire week for writing.
Sharing a vision.
I told Richard about my new plans for my Wish Room (former office) and closet, and he found the just-right hooks, and helped me make things even more perfect than what I’d been imagining.
Next time I might…
Extend Beach Rally.
I try every year to come up with some sort of tradition for what to do on christmas day. The zombie yule idea is so great, but I haven’t made it stick. And I want something that’s mine.
This year I found myself dearly wishing I’d stayed at the beach.
So. Next year. Solstice through zombie yule! Hiding away in a cabin and writing. Horizon and water, just like I asked for.
And hot tub please.
Also I made a list in the Paperless app (which I am using as a sort of portable Book of Me) for necessary and desired things to bring with me to a beach cottage.
Remember that You’re Always Behind is a lie.
In fact, Behind is always a monster word. And anytime I hear myself thinking the words You Are Behind, I want to remember that this is a monster.
The biggest (and smallest!) paper tiger of a monster.
If everything is part of flow, then there is no such thing as “being” behind. And if everything is not part of flow because that’s hippie nonsense, then imagining that the moment of being “behind” to be part of a flow is useful. Because then I calm down and start looking for how the not-doing is part of the doing.
And the not-doing is ALWAYS part of the doing. The not-doing is often the most important part of the doing. And it is most certainly part of the setting things up for doing, once you take out the guilt.
You’re Behind is about guilt. And countering guilt with presence, conscious awareness and intentional permission is magic.
I know this. But sometimes I forget. Sometimes-a-lot. Once I remembered, everything got better. Next time I plan to remember earlier. And to color first!
The hard.
- Beach Rally was not nearly long enough.
- Inowanna come home!
- Having a cold.
- That messed with Finally Back To Hours And Hours Of Slow Sweet Yoga.
- Some awful PTSD from surprise holiday fireworks. Left me panicky and jangled.
- Nightmares. Possibly related. Truly awful nightmares.
- Not sleeping well because of jangled and nightmares. Woke up one morning to discover that I’d knocked everything off my bedside table in my nocturnal panicky flailing. Broken glass everywhere.
- Not in the mood for [this week’s big project].
- Monsters about that. You’re So Behind has so many friends. At times it seemed like the whole There’s No Time Gremlin Collective was up in arms. Which turned out to be really useful. But until that happened: not fun.
- Covered in dog hair. DO NOT LIKE. For me, one of the best (oh, let’s say, top 50) things about not living in Bolivia is getting to wear beautiful clothing and not worry about getting drool or chewed up food on them. Dogsitting this week was super fun but man, I just hated being covered in hair. And I hate feeling fussy.
- Headachey.
- Sore.
- Missing someone.
The good.
- Beach time and solstice with Danielle. Writing, napping, reading, process, yoga, epiphanies. Perfect.
- Finally Back To Hours And Hours Of Slow Sweet Yoga.
- And I did some substantial [code name: Tree of Life], for the first time since everything fell apart.
- Sitting in the hot tub. Until we were banished (yes, banished!) by a hailstorm.
- Going out to see a movie on christmas eve.
- Coming home from Beach Rally to discover that my conducting vault (former closet, now meditation nook) had been painted in the interim! It now has a gold ceiling and it is beautiful. Thank you, Heinzelmännchen!
- Playmate. We are in this, I don’t know, intense period of intensity. We are playing all the ways that can be played, and I am learning so much about what it means to be Havi.
- The words “unspool” and “infiltrate”.
- Nick recorded a song for my beach holiday.
- Ha! I have community after all. I act like I don’t but I do. Monday reminded me of this. These are the warm familiar faces in my life, and I like it. It feels like I’ve landed here.
- Hooks! All the right hooks in all the right places.
- I am a cat.
- Writing nest at the Playground! The best. My playmate: “My god. What decadent green Heaven are you hiding in?”
- Three days of writing in the writing nest!
- The 2013 Stompopolis calendars are here! And they are stunning. I am in awe. This morning we’re shipping the international orders: United Kingdom, Ireland, France, Belgium, The Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Germany, Austria Czech Republic, Australia, New Zealand. Tomorrow we ship North America. EXCITEMENT and JOY! I am so happy.
- Catching up with Garret, twelve years later.
- Dance class and more dance class!
- “Christmas is for Pleasure.” It’s in the calendar now.
- Dog-sitting. Playing with Buddy and Izabelle (yes, that’s how she spells it, and yes, I have a problem with it but dogs are funny about spelling, right?), who are the BEST DOGS. Adoring them.
- I’m not the only person who makes fun of the irritating gratuitious umlaut phenomenon! Is that just one guy? Anyway, Fritinancy has a pinterest board for this. Warning: this might make you hate humanity. It’s awful-awful-awful. You have been warned.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of Recognizing Monster Language When It’s Disguised As Logic.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of letting things expand and contract at exactly the right times.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band by way of Steven, who still hasn’t bought me that drink.
The Piñata Butts
They’re a progressive pagan metal mariachi band.Though, of course, much like Steven himself, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
If you haven’t signed up for the class on time, do that. It’s about to get better, because of a thing I can’t tell you about yet. More soon.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Happy Friday, chicken peeps.
Hard things:
– anticipation. Antici-pay-ay-tion. Making me ‘late’, keeping me ‘way-ay-ay-ay-aiting’. (sorry Carol King). Claire, GET THIS: there will be no ‘finer day’. The time is now. (Unless, of course, it isn’t.) *heavy sigh!!!!*
– spending too much, surprise surprise.
– wonderbaby got a minor-but-kind-of-gross infection, and can’t eat a lot of the things she likes to eat, which is everything.
– little lad, on the other hand, has been without his TCM herbs for a couple of months now due to $$$ constraints and now, wow, he simply does not care to eat. It’s like his brain has never built the architecture to experience mmmm-satisfaction-pleasure from eating, and along with eeeww-gross-texture-and-taste-and-smell-and-temperature sensory overload of food, and loooooooow-muscle-tone-means-chewing-is-actually-really-hard-work exhaustion… It’s a perfect storm of difficult. Three times a day!
– a lot happening in the lead-up to Christmas
Good stuff
+ peace in the house! Better than that, love and happiness and welcome! Wha??? Whatever, I’ll take it.
+ knowing that this is a pattern and it would end.
+ having clean and harmonious ways to exit when the end showed up. Oh yes!
+ foooooooood, so much good foooooood!! When I was about nine I wanted to be a chef and photographer so I could create spreads like the ones in my mother’s cookbooks. I think I’m getting somewhere! My chrissie brunch buffet was spectac. I literally did a happy dance when I called people to the table. 🙂
+ debt dragons are being fed regularly and starting to amass a little (tiny) pile of gold to sleep on and become guardians of my fortune instead of terrifying wild beasts threatening to burn me to a cinder if I open the door so lalalalalala pancakes instead, which never felt true or healthy anyway.
+ everything really.
xoxoxo
Yaying for the magic of solstic-beach-rally!
This week:
The hard:
Last Saturday! Sucked! So! Much! Hard times for all.
Feeling a wee bit fragile on Boxing Day. Too much wine. Ouch!
Occasional worries about the monies.
Boredom with the above.
Occasional moments of feeling disenheartened.
Disrupted sleep.
The Good:
Christmas Day was magical. So good, wonderful memories created, much enjoyment, everyone loved the gifts I gave and I was smitten with the gifts I received. Yayballs!
Consuming delicious food. Nom!
Still processing and enjoying the magical shifts that I felt engage during the solstice.
Quality goddess time.
Time just chilling out.
Planning! Feeling things coming together!
Dancing. And remembering that when I’m feeling stressed and ‘meh’ it almost always helps.
What worked:
Taking time to process.
Going with the flow of what I wanted to do.
What I play with differently next time:
Less wine on Christmas Day evening!
Oooo, and this is the last chicken of 2012! Sparkles of appreciation for this space, and for you Havi, and everyone who journeys here!
Just had a long talk with a monster I finally had to introduce myself to. Byron, his name is. He’s all “you can never get anything done because you have to many choices and now it paralyzes you ha ha.” I invited him to kick back in a hammock and spend the day with me. We’ll see how it goes.
Beach Rally sounds blissful.
What worked? Finding creative ways to give gifts on a shoestring budget.
Next time: If at all possible, next year I want to suspend all everyday routines from Solstice Eve through New Year’s Day. Time outside of time! It’s important. I’ve been able to claim some, but I want more.
A hard thing: The evening of driving home, over sixty miles, in icy snow and darkness.
A good thing: Plenty of fried oysters! I was so afraid that there wouldn’t be fried oysters this year, but there were lots of fried oysters, and they were wonderful!
Superpowers! This week: a sphere of peace. Next week: curiosity that casts out fear.
Lighting all the candles!
Beach retreat sounds lovely. And a writing nest! A decadent green writing nest!
The hard:
Travel
Getting sick, and still feeling sick.
Being out of town, and getting a call from a neighbor that the police are at our house and no one knows whats going on (and if our critters are ok). One of the longest 8 hours of my life.
The good:
All of the critters are ok, the housesitter is ok, the house is ok.
Spending time with family
Making plans for more time
Reconfiguring stuff.
Painting. All I want to do right now is paint!
Chicken!
What is working:
Trusting. Breathing. Remembering that now is like then, and we survived then, and we’ll survive now.
The Hard:
Having now be like then. Always always.
Thinking there was a little something, and then realizing it was nothing again.
Alone. Still alone.
Wanting more than just surviving.
The Good:
Thinking of a new way that later could not be like now or then. Then writing it down. Then baby stepping towards it and asking.
Yoga. Turning upside down over and over. And over.
Remembering what went well this year.
Taking more steps forward. Some of them not baby sized.
Cheers, Chickeneers!
This week was eaten up by holiday travel to MN (or Yeti country as my husband calls it) and all of the good, bad, and the ugly that comes with visiting family.
The Hard
– MN is cooooooooold! Yes, I used to live there but CO winters have softened me.
– overindulgence and its consequences
– family patterns
The Good
– giving my almost-2-year-old niece a sparkly purse and tutu that she LOVED
– Mexican Train dominoes with family
– devoting all of Thursday to recovery from the trip [out for breakfast, bath bomb from Lush, peppermint schnapps in my mint tea, reading all day]
Surely this week has been a year? No? No? Well then I really need a vacation.
The Hard:
– The thing about the particular part of Bolivia I’m inhabiting is that everything goes better when there’s a third person. And choosing the correct third person is important. The third person for most of this week was not physically able to bounce, and that was a problem. A very big problem.
– So last year was Christmas’s last chance with me, and it didn’t work out so well. This year was supposed to be A New Thing. But it turned out the new thing was a whole lot like the old thing, except worse, and I had to learn about a deeper level of sovereignty and ow. I revoke my former agreement. Revoke revoke revoke.
– Oregon (as a whole) and I disagree strongly about winter driving. If one more person tells me to put chains on my car when THERE ISN’T EVEN SNOW, I’m going to explode. I already have exploded. I have all the rage about this. ALL THE RAGE. (Is possibly/probably/definitely related to new sovereignty learning.)
– Also we ended up stranded in the middle of nowhere (in CALIFORNIA. Ew.) on Christmas with a screaming baby and not enough diapers and nothing to eat because of the above disagreement.
– I’m sick. I seem to have at least three unrelated illnesses, two of which are worrying and one of which is a doozy of a cold. But there has been no time for rest.
– The day that I said “there won’t be any food there for me to eat so I need help planning/packing for that eventuality” and several other people said “you’re crazy. Of course there’ll be food there for you to eat.” And then there wasn’t a single dish without gluten or dairy or both and I had to eat them and not only do I feel sick, they’ve made the baby sick, and she’s been screaming from stomach pain for days now.
– Days of not enough food. This does not make any part of me happy.
– Disposable diapers are inferior in every way to cloth diapers. I really really dislike them.
– Me too with the dog hair! Dog hair everywhere. Also spiders. Gross.
– There has been too much going on. Much too much.
The Good:
– Esme was here! And it was wonderful!! Also, the morning she left she made us breakfast and left it on the table and it was great.
– Packing is going better than it ever has in my entire life. Against all odds. May this hold true for our upcoming move as well.
– I met a fabulous ten-year-old named Nicholas, and we had a great chat.
– My dad, when left to his own devices, can be amazingly effective. We left him to his own devices with our new shed and backyard and things are looking marvelous.
– My mom is here! She is the *optimal* third person, and I now have one night of decent sleep behind me, and the kitchen is clean, and there will finally be enough food to eat.
– My bike is fixed! Yay biking!!
– Saw my middle school best friend for the first time in eight years or so. Great fun.
– Somehow we’ve ended up with a bunch of bear-themed cold weather gear for the baby. One time we put it all on her at once and it was SIX BEARS. Which is maybe only funny to sleep-deprived brains, but I seriously think there should be a contest: “how many bears can you get on a baby?”
– Magical money miracle! Yay!!
– The little miss is becoming much more interactive, especially laughing in delight whenever she sees me, and this is helps everything.
– Other than the stomach aches, she’s been sleeping more and more reliably. We have a magical CD of baby calming sounds that *actually* *works*.
Superpowers:
Last week I had the superpower of survival and focus.
This week I’d like the superpower of rest and recovery.
Ooh, Beach Rally Solstice sounds like the most amazing thing ever.
Note to @Jane: I LOVE “Yayballs!” That is teh awesome.
~
It has been a long time since I’ve chickened (#227 was the last time both publicly and privately), and I feel the end of the year is a good place to start again.
I Was Sad About:
– Many horrible things going on in the world. A friend was affected by Newtown.
– Some of the stuff I unearthed during magic class w/Hayley – acknowledging the robot self and the alien self.
– Having to make choices concerning money that I didn’t want to make.
– A major concern w/the Lovelyman that doesn’t seem to be healing well.
The Rough Stuff:
– Feeling so much pain for 2 weeks over bones moving.
– Familial button-pushing.
– A bunch of really great presents and cards I bought for people didn’t arrive before I left for Ithaca, and weren’t here when I came back, either.
– Winter Storm Euclid basically encouraging me to kick myself out of Ithaca early. Poorly exited experience :/
– Coming home to creatively-applied cat damage. (shudder)
I Was Delighted About:
* Getting the car! Still silly-thrilled about her. Driving her to Ithaca was soooo nice.
* Dancing with cats to rap songs and seeing it on video. (giggles!)
* A dear friend getting out of her bad situation.
* Parents getting iPhones and LOVING them. (They never liked their cell phones before!)
* Talking to my stepsister.
* A bunch of terrific holiday presents, both giving and getting.
* The fact that my mom’s cat has an insane crush on Amelia.
The Excellent Stuff:
* Acknowledging all the beautiful breathing people.
* Understanding that this past year has been about setting up for the next things to come. Plinth your Spinsters, indeed.
* And with that, a full awareness of the negative, incongruent things that come along with an OOD I was working on, and a beginning seed of (possibly) how to deal with them so that what I think I want can become what I REALLY want.
* Finally replacing the broken cell phone. (Still has an issue, but it’s refurbished & I don’t care that much. THAT is an excellent thing in and of itself.)
* Holy hell when my mom and I get together and stop fighting we make some EXTRAORDINARY food. Xmas Eve dinner was lobster and shrimp and chorizo all steamed together then dressed in parsley and wine sauce and served over spinach linguine. *swoooon*
* Feeling good about a bunch of next steps to come.
Love and luminescence to all the chickeneers, whether posting or lurking! You’re all amazing.
I first read “Remember that You’re Always Behind is a lie” as “Remember that you are always behind the lie.”
Whoa! Wow! That means – so much – I need to think about it.
What worked
Gifts from the heart. One of the best was the duct tape with handlebar mustaches that I gave to someone who has a handlebar mustache.
Special candlelight dinner with our son.
Involving him in some of our projects.
Giving myself time.
What I might do next time
More gifts from the heart instead of practical things I know they can use.
Remember that chocolate is the answer to everything.
The Hard
Christmas Day at the Clinic, missing the family gathering
Filling out online forms for MrB.
Morning brain fuzz.
Insomnia.
Freezing rain followed by snow. I have to drive on side streets and my little car doesn’t brake well on packed snow/ice. Heart in mouth.
The Good
Exterminating iguanas.
Strawberries.
Having six Word pages open, all related to different things because I have so many interests and I have the resources, energy, and time to pursue them.
Made a decision that is going to guide pretty much everything I do next year. Everything will be different.
Things to look forward to.
MrB discharged from Home Health. His heel has healed amazingly fast.
Useful information from the diabetes educator.
Superpower I had this week: Being heard.
Superpower I want next week: Bounce.
Hugs for the hard. Yay for the good. Love to all.
@Havi,
Best ever: “Tree of Life” Yes!
Very good indeed: “The Piñata Butts” (I’m musing about the connection to Buttmonsters.)
Many beaches, everyone!
Thank you for the link to “setting it up”. Just what I needed.
Also: “You’re Behind is about guilt.” I’m changing that–opa proxy style–to “Your Behind…”, because I think I am sitting on a stash of guilt. Whether or not it is “too big” is irrelevant. It is definitely there. I am playing with being aware of it. I keep my Behind covered up, because I don’t want people to see it. I’ve been ashamed of it. It is certainly attached to me. It has probably been in better shape. My gym instructor and therapist both say there is hope for shrinking it. Oddly, I will shrink it by not squashing it with so much sitting! Turns out, I don’t enjoy sitting on it that much. Maybe that’s due to nature or nurture. Either way, I’m glad to consider firming it up. I’d like to be less passive about it. At the same time, I never see it, so I really just need it to function. It doesn’t need to be big to do that, just soft. It’s a placeholder–because there needs to be something at that transition spot between up and down. Some people celebrate it with song and fun names like donkadonk, junk in the trunk, bootay. My Guilt will hereby be known as Sir Strangle-lot, or Donkadonk to his friends.
Hard
Change in tradition manifested in some internal drama.
Obsession with getting stuff done.
Good
Got stuff done!
Also played with words. And chatted with friends.
Superpower
this week–shining the energetic laserbeam of focus!!
next week–stepping out of the loop.
Happy Friday chickenday to one and all!
*clinks two glasses together*
Beach ANYTHING sounds good. I require a minimum amount of beach time on an annual basis.
Claire, I love the image of debt dragons curling up on piles of savings. Do they possibly have very cute little tendrils of smoke curling out of their noses?
The week, it went… well, past. Zoom!
What worked:
+ Taking time off before AND after Christmas.
+ Planning a retreat day before going back to work.
+ Opening gifts with my husband before spending Christmas morning with other family.
The Hard:
Ugh! Too much last minute shopping. Most of it not mine, just helping other people doing theirs.
Leaving all of the house cleaning to the very last day because of the above.
Coping with hubby’s partial meltdown over the anxiety of having to go shopping.
The cost of Buena Noche dinner. Ouch! Next year, I might consider this before planning out the menu.
Being so tired from shopping/cleaning/cooking that I missed an entire day’s dose of my pills and had to catch up the next day. Big anxiety there, because the side effects of catching up can vary from unnoticeable to unpleasant.
The painful stuff wrapped up in dealing with my mother about my birthday.
The Sparkly:
Visiting Bolivia for a few hours at a time. I love my almost-2-year-old niece, especially when she hands me a book and plops in my lap for a story. Chuffity-Chuff! And the older neighborhood that I visited, too! (my older nieces are almost adults now, and just so so so grown up)
Lots of good conversation time with my father.
Getting rid of the old car that’s just been sitting outside and rusting for 6 months.
Making time on retreat day for as much yoga as I could stand. Ahhhhhhh…
Superpower I had last week: Letting go of expectations
Superpower I’d like next week: Moving forward
Hahaha, the umlauts! Disturbing part is in the more established brands, I don’t notice them anymore.
My chicken:
Hard:
Tired
Weird food
Keep wearing same thing every day because just staying in resting and hiding and writing
Damn! gluten exposure
Annoying silent retreat thing about x, I love you and also this hurts and I won’t make up the difference any more, accepting the problems
Furious about silent retreat about y, doom doom doom! Grrrr.
Someone keeps saying ugh things, ugh
Doom inc. ! Entire life doom panic!
Need to conjure something but don’t have details yet
Cable
Good:
Cable
Cancelled appointments
Dog!
Springsteen channel on fancy car radio
Total surprise: actual major fabulous present I love. What?
Christmas devoid of weirdness. (WHAT??)
Majorly cleared extra studio stuff in strange burst of energy
Dedicated storage, possible future eBay sale in wardrobe
New food info
Love and support
Almost! Finished!!! Almost! Eek! Sent largest chunk minus 10ish pp. SOON. !
Grass fed sliders yum so sustaining
Chased off throat thing by impulsively squirting that Cell Food stuff on tonsils. Nasty, truly, but it worked. Like Clorox for tonsils.
Pretty snow
Epiphany! Space is needed in situation z. Long term, like food and water for goodness. Feeling openings for the structure of what is next without rushing in
Potatoes!
I am so grateful I have no desire for some harsh New Year’s resolution
Did some journaling, things seem clearer a little bit, the replenishing then the victim monster appeasing then the next big thing, ok.
Superpower I had: Finishing. (Finishing is sweaty and unattractive and doesn’t give a f and is soooo not nervous and tentative like beginning. Finishing cuts away all that isn’t totally The Thing. It will drive to whole foods in its pajamas for me.)
Superpowers I want tomorrow: Finishing. Extra energy. Curtis.
Superpowers I want next week: Peace. Love. Efficiency. Forward movement. Replenishment. Clarity. Routine. Beginning. Yin yoga. Truth. New possibilities.
I want in on the last Chicken of the year! It’s been harder to chicken in Panama, not so much is happening on the surface and the good stuff feels like bragging sometimes :P.
This week’s hard:
-8 hour trip to get groceries, of which 3 or so were waiting in a loud smelly drunk-and-machismo-infested waiting area.
-After the day before was ruined by waiting for the grocery trip to start. I may have said “this day is fucked” out loud. 😛
-All the monsters. They are worried about all the things.
-Too much interactions, even of the lovely kind.
-Knowing that there will be even more interactions in the future and kind of dreading it.
-The coral-beachedboat stress adventure, killing poor corals, decimating my skin, supporting w/o being supported, and dangerous dark ~naked swimming. It turned out just fine.
The goods!
-Hours of waiting were filled with hours of mental shiva nata. It does not feel like the same brain in my head now. Happily.
-The sardine that jumped out of the water and hit someone’s face. Hilarity!
-The Christmas gathering that was just right. Friends, feeling community, not too Christmassy. +FOOOOOOOOD!
-More community. How did it happen so fast here?
-I get to teach again! so so missed.
-Hours of taking photos
-Coincidental finding of the old notes that explain everything.
Superpower of the week: Patient waiting + incremental action – formerly unimaginable superpowers!
Superpowers for next week: Grounded lightness, sparkle, smiles
Ack! Finally looked up ‘anticipation’ after having it loop through my head for the last few days and it was by Carly Simon, not Carol King! So, further apologies to Carly Simon for confusing her again AND malapropriating the lyrics…. Ha! That would be my stuff showing up here huh? That I have to come back and correct myself? Yes, I am that weird and obsessive about strange details that don’t actually matter. Hopefully it’s endearing! xoxo
Happy chickening and ”well endured”, as my family likes to say after holidays and the like.
Worked: Listening to supportive audio frequently. Resting (and only resting) as soon as I felt tired. Enjoying what I ate. Self-support and self-empathy re: family stuff. Getting to give some pretty neat presents. Gentle persistence. Doing a little Year’s-End Revue. Continuing NVC consciousness. Asking for a chat with V to discuss hard/tender issues. Providing feedback to writers.
Further Ideas:
Even more ”rest as soon as you feel tired”. When In Doubt – Rest.
Remember that I actually quite enjoy the gift thing, IF done with sufficient self-care. E-mail reminders set up.
Hard:
The ongoing and deepening acknowledgement that I seem to have/be a bottomless pit of certain needs (long repressed or given up on). Nearly overwhelming tenderness and vulnerability around this, as well as a lot of fear and uncertainty about how to meet them.
Mourning past needs unmet and some that may never be (at least not in the ways I have imagined).
Reaching out for [silent retreat] and not getting it. Repeatedly.
A painful conversation and the judgements surrounding it.
Money angsting.
Continuing lack of physical energy, even when doing okay emotionally and mentally/creatively. Worrying about whether/how to push myself to move more.
Appreciation for: Past Self’s selection of calendars, notepads, and sticky whiteboards. Wonderful comfy, colored pens. My Furry Knight’s patience, affection and good humour. Handyman helper helping to actually get stuff put together/mounted, yay!
The continuing support, empathy and understanding I get from this website and community.
Superpower I had this week: Gentle persistence.
One I’d like for the next: Effortless movement.