Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
The hard part about this week was that all the missions and operations took much longer than anticipated.
The good was YAY TRUCKS, which we will be using as secret agent code to mean progress being made.
Thanks @chloewrites for this excellent phrase, which is itself progress (I mean, yay trucks) because I have issues with progress and acknowledging it, but I do not have issues with saying yay about trucks. Yay trucks!
What worked?
8 letter words.
Also getting Twitter, Facebook and the Floop to help me come up with 8 letter words.
Turning a Nothing Works Today day into a Putterday.
Not fighting. Going with it.
Letting the puttering be a fractal flower: working on the project through doing something seemingly unrelated and symbolically clearing things out.
Not only did this work amazingly well but then I was able to turn my regular puttering time into writing time.
Secret code for everything.
See also: yay trucks! And wham boom!
Next time I might…
Interview earlier.
All the best things this week came out of a long conversation I had with the version of me who is the Director of the World’s Premier Dolphin Adoption Agency.
She was brilliant and hilarious and gave me the best advice ever.
She: Sweetie, your job is to be filled up on love and not to problem-solve. That’s the job.
Me: WHAT?! But isn’t there pushback from everyone who wants me to problem-solve?
She: Not at all. You set up the agency how you like (hello, it’s called AGENCY!) and people accept that without questions.
Anyway. That was really great. But I spent so much time trying to solve all the problems before I talked to her. Next time I’d like to just start by turning inward. Speaking of…
Get on the floor first.
Everything that was not working this week got better when I crawled down onto the floor and got close to the floor.
Sometimes I waited way too long to do this and then once I did, everything was good.
Floor. Use it, honey.
Recognize that things take longer than I think.
Even when I think I’d already thought about that part!
And sometimes they take longer and expand at the same time…
Operation Four on the Floor turned into a much bigger production than estimated, and that started to feel stressful (it will never end!)
In the end, I decided to divide it into three parts and finish the part that I was working on. And the other parts became new ops (Operation Milliner and Operation Roomglow). That worked really well, I wish I’d thought of it earlier!
The hard.
- Overwhelmed.
- Panic!
- Oh man. Realizing that how I spent December was not really how I’d wanted to spend December.
- Craving time for revue and quiet reflection, and not having it.
- Seeing just how sad I feel when I see that past-me scheduled things I wanted, but then I wasn’t able to take any further steps towards these things actually happening.
- The first really, really cold days here. Scarves and hats and gloves. Reminders of That Awful Winter From Then, forgetting about how Now Is Not Then. Also: cold!
- Too much. Just in general.
- Premenstrual body dysmorphia that came out of nowhere and threw me for the loop of all loops until I figured out what was going on.
- The thing I thought would be great that was just really hard.
- An interesting (and loud!) set of monsters who believe that Plenty Is Bad. For example, you won’t use more than one gorgeous dress so you shouldn’t have more than one. But this rule only applies to me. Other people can have plenty of everything and that is about delight. But if it’s me…. etc.
- Help is still AWOL, doing way too much work. Grumbling about that. I want a long, lazy New Year’s brunch!
- Running into all kinds of old pain from THEN that I hadn’t even known about. Especially from living in Madison and from that long, awful summer working in the factory.
- The day of missing all the buses and wearing the wrong shoes and also snow.
- The day of too many things, too many people, too few transitions.
- Fake Beach Day with socializing is not Fake Beach Day!
- Fireworks and explosions on New Year’s Eve triggered old stuff. Interestingly this time it was not about the terrorist attack that I was in, but about when I lived in south Tel Aviv during the second intifada, being woken up by a suicide bombing in the next neighborhood and then just going back to sleep because I was so jaded/worn-down that it didn’t even matter. Ugh. Old pain.
- Operation Dolphins took four times as long as estimated. Which caused a panic.
- When do I get to go to the Vicarage? Is it now? What about now?
The good.
- A small designer whose clothing I secretly and quietly lust after from afar had a winter sale, and I got a dress I have been quietly desiring for months. This had a lot of symbolic meaning for me, and it took a lot of processing to get there.
- Sun.
- Dance.
- Twenty eight days until I’m off to the Vicarage.
- Writing, writing and more writing. 12,000 words that I feel strongly about. And this means that everyone coming to the class on TIME (it’s this coming week!) is getting an ebook that they didn’t know about. This delights me. And it’s full of outrageously subversive content, of course. That delights me too.
- Amazed, proud and happy about how many ops got done this week. And how much yay trucks.
- YAY TRUCKS.
- A terrific healing from Wally in which I gave away the locked box of loneliness I didn’t even know I was holding onto.
- Seeing Ealasaid again and meeting Nate.
- My new year’s eve ritual is still a really good one: plus pommes frites for dessert.
- Touch on the wrist.
- Whatsit!!!
- Operation Dolphins solves all the problems and streamlines things. It removes obstacles and allows for more sovereignty. Thanks, subconscious.
- Helpful friends keeping me company while I write.
- Richard took care of EVERYTHING this week so that I could write.
- Sweetest ever early-morning playdate
- Adoration.
- Passport came early. And the photo is Marvelously Unremarkable, which is sometimes its own superpower.
- I posted all kinds of things to the blog this week.
- I liked this week!
- Huge huge huge YAY TRUCKS on Operation Milliner, which was my hardest and scariest op this week, so close to done!
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastadon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
Operation DOLPHINS Wham boom!
Operation DOORPOST Wham boom!
Operation SYLVESTR Wham boom!
Operation PICKLES-A Wham boom!
Operation FOUR ON THE FLOOR Wham boom!
Operation UNCRACKED Wham boom!
Operation READINGS Wham boom!
The Monthly Marigold Maneuver. Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastadon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
Oh, and also the B-bop mini-op: Operation It’s In the Notebook. Wham Boom to that too.
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of recognizing that YAY TRUCKS counts. Making progress counts.
That Yay Trucks is big and important. Celebrating every part of Yay Trucks, instead of just discounting the things that aren’t done yet.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of letting the compass solve everything.
Tabstravaganza! What’s in all those open tabs.
An absolutely fantastic permission slip about speaking freely from @spiralsongkat.
You guys know how strongly I feel about permission and slips, this is a really beautiful one!
Also, you know what’s BRILLIANT? Clothing For Correspondence. They write your letters, you send them your clothes. Who told me about this?!?!
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is the best band that has ever existed.
Thanks, Richard for both the name and the highly entertaining story.
Fuzzy And Cow.
They are sweet and loud and they play all night. Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
DOLPHINS, you guys.
If you’ve been wanting to join the Floop (the Floating Playground) or to play with me during the Year of Emptying And Replenishing (password: compass)…
Except you wanted payment options and we didn’t have any.
We now have a Dolphin Adoption Agency where that happens.
And not just any dolphin adoption agency, but the World’s Premier Dolphin Adoption Agency.
This is a wonderful thing, and I have all the excitement. Go there. Visit.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Hard:
Internet Suckage of Doom
Not taking care of myself correctly (but, learning experience)
Accepting the fact that I’ve got a new roommate, which feels a lot like *invasion of my space*
Good:
Day of doing nothing. I need more guilt-free sabbath-like days, especially with the gentleman
The house is getting so clean and organized! Especially the pantry and bathroom.
Geranium oil. Best thing ever. Just, good scents all around.
Fun party with new friends.
Eating well, yay for me!
Space clearing the house. Ahhhh. Breath of release. Now my house feels like a good friend, and already great unexpected things are happening from bringing in new energy.
Flowers!
Havi! So excited for you, getting the special dress you’ve been wanting! Also: Yay trucks, and Yay Dolphin Adoption Agency! And I got my Playground calendar in the mail yesterday, and put it up, and it makes me happy every time I walk past it!
WHAM BOOM! yay!!
Yay for all WHAM Booms!
Hmm, chicken.
What worked:
Not getting out of bed until I googled “Why get out of bed” and found the article about why low moods are an evolutionary message to stop doing what we are doing because it isn’t working and if we don’t stop then our brains will stop everything. So, I stopped thinking I should try harder to do this one thing, and I reset to coordinates to do the other thing instead and put out some calls on the Ham Radio that I’m heading in that direction to see who else is out there.
Getting out of bed.
Setting the timer for 15 minutes and seeing how much I can get done. Spice rack organized and cleaned! All laundry done!
The Hard:
Work is slow. Money is low. Emails from OKC are slow.
The Good:
Lots of upside down in yoga class and at home. Back bends, feeling my heart punch out through my chest like one of those heart-shaped hole punches.
Rents are paid.
Who knew I’d love Dr. Who?
Phone calls and people saying “yes, you are just right for us.”
ooh – Clothing for Correspondence looks fabulous.
This week:
The Hard –
Finally calling a dear friend who’s ill. I’ve been putting it off and putting it off, and now dealing with guilt and remorse and regret for not calling sooner and more often.
The Good –
Lots of time processing, thinking about new structures and supports
Move moving of the body
Looking at notes from me from last year and realizing how many changes have happened
Enjoying the fabulous present from past me in doing a slightly better job with my bookkeeping last year
New happy reader reviews on the book!
What went well –
The notion of a Xeno’s draft for my routines – that I don’t need to create the perfect routine, just start a habit and add to it.
What I might want to do differently –
Shorter lists, more ease, more music and gentleness.
The Hard:
– Friday for Replenishing became Friday for working on the house, and then (today), Friday for getting emergency medical tests done. I was going to go to the soaking pools!! I took a Sunday off instead and many shoes were thrown.
– A “probably false” positive for someone I love came back as another positive, so now we need more tests. Waiting+stress+confusion (this person appears so very healthy and asymptomatic).
– Lady followed me into Home Depot to scream at me for my baby not being properly dressed for the cold (this is the same baby I’ve given heat rash four times by overdressing her). Then, when I ran away, the lady started screaming about me to other customers so loudly I could hear her on the other side of the store. Lost a day unsuccessfully detoxing from that lovely experience.
– Floor in our new house was refinished incorrectly, plus resulting drama, phonecalls, stress, etc.
– Set a boundary with someone for the first time. Nothing about this process was graceful or easy. Also the experience that led to setting the boundary was not fun at all.
– Craving a giant diet change (there’s only so much Thai takeout one can eat) and having zero resources for said change.
– Stress about aforementioned boundary and also December’s heartbreak have created a kind of general fog of unhappiness. And nightmares. Every night, about both of those things.
– Saw a giant shadow and spent a day questioning everything about me/my philosophy of life and living. I don’t like it when my brain spontaneously disorganizes.
– The bedroom in our new house is accidentally light pink. I’m all for hot pink, but light pink is another story.
– Too cold.
The Good:
– Helpers who bought us groceries and painted the bedroom in our new house. It is no longer a super dark blue, and this is improvement.
– We are on track to start moving next week, and have a dryer delivered to us the week after that. No more hauling cloth diapers to the laundromat every other day!
– Gave in and got a pacifier. Now everyone is getting so much more sleep. Still not enough, but moving into the territory of vaguely functional.
– Yay, I care about myself enough to set a boundary!
– Managed to grab myself some time for visioning and clarity, and YAY TRUCKS! Yay trucks all around. Plus I’ve set up a six month sabbatical for myself, which includes a.) enough working that I won’t go crazy, and b.) ample babysitting.
– Scheduled a bunch of post-sabbatical vacations, and made myself a “Rhiannon’s Retreat” packet/playbook to help me transition into those days. Making nice things for future me is the best.
– Silent Retreat! (Yay trucks!)
– Singing the Spanish version of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. Point one: Scarlet loves it. Point two: the hubsters has begun spontaneously learning Spanish.
– Every time I turned around, that man was doing chores without any prompting. Really annoying things, too, like filling out government forms or bringing in the recycling containers from the curb. Without me having to remember/ask!
– Setting the boundary has thus far resulted in far less angst than I’d anticipated.
– The eventual result of my day of disorganized thinking/questioning everything was that I (and several other people who acted as surrogate brains until my brain straightened itself out) believe I am on the right track with almost everything.
A thing that worked: Using the phrase “I had a bad dream” as a proxy for “I am feeling insecure about some things you said and did recently” when I wanted reassurance from someone. This worked brilliantly because it sidestepped any accusatory/defensive patterns, it felt completely true because insecurities and monster fears can be like waking nightmares, and it served as a no-harm, no-foul shorthand for “this is my stuff; I just have stuff.” I’m going to have to remember that one! Even if I never use it again in exactly the same way, I believe there are probably some important clues there.
Next time I might… Explore some new approaches to river-dancing. I keep falling in!
A hard thing: Our current food budget. Oof.
A good thing: Havi linked to me in her Tabstravaganza! Yay yay yay, and thank you, Havi!
Superpowers!
This week: the power to keep deferring laundry Just One More Day (there is always something to wear!)
Next week: Hey, maybe nothing is wrong!
Yay trucks!
The hard:
Getting a really horrible cold, one with scratchy, itchy eyes, that refuses to clear up. Spending time I’d been looking forward to doing cool things in sick instead.
Being sick for the third New Year’s Eve and Day in a row. Bah!
Omygosh, it seems like every single monster ever has come out to play this week.
Freaking out about things that really did not require freaking.
Getting stuck in a crazy long traffic jam, and having hot air blasted into the passenger compartment to stop the engine overheating, when I’m already ill = nausea.
Beloved feline’s skin trouble flaring up.
Lack of yoga + bellydance because of feeling ill.
The good:
Went and had a wonderful lunch at a super gorgeous tea room I’ve been wanting to visit for ages.
And had a wander round a beautiful village.
And it didn’t rain that day!
And I discovered an amazing new detective series, in an amazing bookshop.
Spaciousness in my to-do lists.
Joining an art journaling community, and actually journaling.
Recognising monster voices for monster voices, instead of thinking they are the Truth, and therefore not falling into black holes of despair. Win!
The monster colouring book. I always forget how genius it is somehow.
Sending out a newsletter I’m very happy with.
Playing with the goddesses.
A delicious lunch at a favourite cafe today.
My energising ritual.
Writing letters to welcome in the new year and being surprised and delighted by the love, faith + trust there.
What worked:
Colouring monsters.
Going to bed with a book.
Soup!
Simplifying my to-do lists.
Next time I might:
Say no to doing anything when completley exhausted.
Order the books from the library when I think about it, rather than putting it off.
Yay for the first chicken of 2013!
The hard:
Igloo Level -27 of Exhaustion
Severe override required and performed, resulting in scary hypothalamus abandonment stuff I haven’t done since 2007, it is weird to feel that numb
Ack, verbal abuse, creepazoid
The good:
Body responding bit by bit today once the overload stopped
Hotel room present for 2 nights to finish: yay new options for self care, space, solutions
Circle
Swan scarf
Defender, new locks against creepazoid
Perfect X files structure/present tense treasure hunt of ending, thank you for showing up!
Finished the thing and sent it to the person.
Absence of feeling; neutrality, exhaustion, no big deal, lack of emotional /actual confetti on finishing is by now a comforting thing, how it is supposed to feel for me, a really soothing ritual, who knew? It is so so so comforting to not run into anything beyond neutrality at this time, sort of hard to explain.
I can’t feel it yet bc of igloo but I’m free now that it is done.
Beautiful 2012 am and pm books are making am and pm more fun, love it.
Superpowers I had:
Roseanne, reruns and present day. Chocolate in a pinch. Dedication. Finishing. Story-Ahead-of-Me
Superpowers I want next week:
Sovereignty. Communion. Guidance. Clarity. Yin yoga. Replenishment. Ease.
Yay trucks!
What worked? New questions. Conversations with Future Me about abundance. Making space for shabbat.
Things to try next time? More envelopes. More chicken. Changing my desktop picture? Giving up earlier on the video game.
Hard:
* feeling unwell
* feeling tense and conflicted about a number of things, with bonus FOMO
Good:
* time with big sister, her partner, and her ex-partner
* the start of new drafts
* being home among my own things
Wishing you all a week with much to yay about!
Cheers, Chickeneers!
This week flew by. Can it really already be Friday?
The Hard
– not sleeping particularly well
The Good
– NYE with a new outfit, great dinner, an evening at a contemporary art museum, and no hangover the next day
– being asked to give a talk at the Denver Federal Reserve
– taking time to do whatever I felt like doing, not necessarily the things on my To Do list
– optimism
Okay, here’s my actual Friday Chicken!
What worked: Writing down on paper what I was doing, as I did it, in order. Stopping when I reached a stuck place, and taking care of it before I went on.
Next time I might: Try doing things to take care of myself before I get physically overworked and emotionally overwhelmed. More yoga time, maybe with friends!
What was hard: Too much stuff to do, and my business partner is feeling too overwhelmed to work efficiently. Feeling pressure to be the “voice of reason” or a rescuing influence for both of us.
Super cold this week! Like, 12 degrees in the middle of the day. Snow and ice lingering in treacherous places.
Trying to clean up my room and realizing how very much there is in there, stuff coming in between me and my-space-as-I-want-it-to-be. Looking for grace and ease in helping that stuff transition out of my house.
What was good: A focused evening getting my bed and night-table very clean and pretty so I can sleep comfortably and have something nice to look at when I wake up. Not stressing or blaming myself for letting things get messy, just doing little things to help it get better.
Lots of yummy Christmas goodies left over for eating this week!
Aw, I am blushing to have made the “The good” list! 😀
Also, YAY TRUCKS!!!
My week.
What worked:
– scheduling lots of downtime on our last day of Vacation before the flight back
– Coming home to clean towels and sheets!
– Deciding it didn’t matter if other people were dressed up for NYE, we didn’t have to be, and wearing comfy-and-casual clothes to the party. It was fine, and there was a really wide range of dressiness there. Yay.
– Watching for the opportunity to have a scary conversation and having it as early as possible rather than waiting for an opportunity I knew I’d have next week! Now I’m done worrying about it. AND it went well.
Next time I’ll try…
– Making sure I have at least one change of clothes left at home to wear to work so I don’t have to do laundry the night I get home!
The Good:
– Nate got me the best Christmas present evar evar (it’s an original piece of art by an artist I love, and he got it custom framed — it wasn’t done before we left, so I didn’t get it until we got back).
– Seeing Havi!
– Time in Portland!!! Only 15 weeks til we move up there, yay.
– the cats being super happy we’re back and hanging out with us all the time.
– Feeling energized from vacation and getting started on all the work of the move (and starting documenting it on Flickr so I will remember how awesome I am later when I see how much I’ve had to do!)
– My cat, who’s been pretty sick the last six months or so, is finally back up to his normal weight! And was very well-behaved at the vet, as usual.
The Bad:
– I miss Portland 🙁 🙁 🙁
– Re-adjusting to Bay Area drivers
– Feeling like I only have energy for things related to the move.
– Moods all over the place since getting back
Yay! for new dresses! and congratulations on the 12000 words. Beautiful.
The good:
Humor and playfulness.
Sleeping in and staying up, both.
Being able to call on friends for assistance with a particular need.
Finding two books by favorite writers, including one on sale.
Finding a book about Spanish that is just what I need for the trip I’m taking next week.
Weather at our destination is predicted to be *wow*.
The way the new year has started.
Silent retreat. “Yay, trucks!”
“Caissons.” Yay, caissons on the horizon!
Ice cream.
Knowing what to do.
The hard:
Sleeping weirdly.
Muscles on the back of my knee are painful and get worse when I walk – and I’ll be walking a lot next week. Ugh.
Cold feet. Literally. My toes have been like lumps of ice.
Oh chicken, here I am and there you are. Cluck cluck.
Hard stuff included
– too much on the list!! Where is my badger???
– overwhelm –> anxiety –> depressies pattern.
– circumventing the depressies (thanks pattern, but I think I’ll try another coping strategy) meant a lot of time spent in anxiety.
– anxiety fries my brain so I forget the tricks I know to deal with it and auto-pilot into zombie bejeweled champion addiction mode before I know what’s happening.
– losing my centredness and doing what other people want me to do, not what I want to do.
– some interactions with some 20-somethings sometimes. Dudes, don’t judge me, you don’t know shit about it. Your arrogance would be cute and endearing if you at least bothered to try and hide your disdain. Ugh.
– spending money I wanted to spend in other ways. I’m afraid I’m backing myself into a corner I never wanted to back myself into again.
– I am really not built to take care of small human beings in the feed/ bathe/ dress/ activities of daily living kind of way. The advanced, high-concept stuff I really get, but my bandwidth is taken up by my low skill-level at managing the basic daily stuff, so none of it seems to be done very well. (Oh look, great, really useful information. Waaaah).
– too hot too often.
Ugh. That will do.
Good stuff
+ I can avoid falling into the depressies. Consistently. It hovers there as an option but I don’t get sucked in. I’m starting to think it might be playing the ‘don’t be mean to me I’m trying to protect you’ card too well and actually be a whole lot more able to deal with an ass-kicking than it thinks, like, it might be invigorating. I don’t know, it’s a hunch.
+ my home
+ it’s only the first week of January. It’s far too early to start deciding whether or not I’ve ‘failed’ yet. I mean… ridiculous!! My head… oh man. So silly.
+ I have a hundred and one issues with The Pillars of the Earth story, but the miniseries was pretty wonderful in lots of ways. If you ignore the cliches and delight-in-gore and shark jumping and very tidy endings. Other than that!! It was great. Still not going to watch Game of Thrones but.
+ I guess I have planted a few seeds this week. Yay VW Beetles?
+ my home! Let me lie down on your floors and lean on your doorways and love you for being mine. Mwah mwah mwah.
+ I spent fifty bucks a while ago and it was a pretty damn worthwhile thing to do, it becomes more and more clear. 🙂
+ Little Lad seems to have dropped his habit of picking his nails to shreds. Anxiety down? I hope?? Not being at kinder, more time with me (even with the substantial amount of low-quality time)?? He has had a few bedtime meltdowns but maybe that’s progress? Letting it out rather than turning it back in on his body? Has the words to say it now? Anyway, fingernails! And cuticles! Well done my beautiful poor little lad.
+ Wonderbaby is hilarious. The other day she was putting one hand high in the air, chest puffed out, she looked like a matador, so I said ‘ole!’. Now she does it on command. Ha!! Also she is pulling herself to standing but gets very frustrated she can’t crawl vertically up the couch, bed, wall, etc. Shoooo shweeeeet.
+ family, friends and floop. They really help. I am blessed.
Yay trucks!
Yay unexpected ebook!
YAY, subversion!!!
Hugs and cheers to all of the chickeneers who’ve posted before me and those to come.
I suspect that hiring Clothes for Correspondence to write letters to my penpals is sort of… missing the point. Oh well. Maybe I could get them to write me a retreat packet/playbook instead – I want one, but I don’t know what I’d put in it. (it’s like one of those Archie McPhee things – things that I never knew existed, but now that I know about them, I have to have one.)
@Kathleen, I love your proxy – it’s just beautiful, and I may borrow it for handling similar situations.
Last week, what worked?
+ Letting go and surrendering – surrendering expectations to what I really want; surrendering what I wanted to how things really are.
Next time I might….
+ Plan my own birthday festivities.
+ Give myself permission to get a flu shot.
The Hard
– Ugh! Beginning of flu season is not a good time for hypochondriacs. Lots of anxiety around viruses.
– Poor sleeps for several days in a row.
– Anxiety invited Zombie-Me in for several days running.
– Disappointment with family over birthday plans – again. The 3rd year in a row is a pattern of some sort.
The Good
+ Finally got to sleep through the night.
+ Birthday prezzies from my sweet husband, including my very own monster manual
+ Being able to be less cautious with money. My sweet husband has been working for more than a month, which really helps our financial situation. AND he has a line on a permanent position.
Yay Trucks!
Chicken amnesty! La la la!
The Hard:
The tiredness of doom.
Not enough sunlight 🙁
The house and I are at odds. It is full of clutter and dishes and laundry (from four adults working crazy shift hours and not enough sleep) and I am all in my stuff about the MESS. And working on the guilt that rises up in me whenever I look at it too long.
Niki hurt his tail! And even though I know it was an accident, my monsters were telling me it was all my fault and can’t-you-do-anything-right and you are a terrible animal-parent, etc.
Not having enough energy for marking celebrations in the way I would have liked to.
Theatre stress, and finding out I have to be onstage less than 2 weeks before opening night.
The Good:
The vet was awesome, very efficient and kind and knowledgeable. So now Niki has meds and painkillers, and I’m discovering the comedy gold that is trying to trick a rat into taking Medecam. And puppy is booked for her surgery on Tuesday.
The house, despite being messy, has not fallen down or imploded. Evidence for the monster scientist collective.
Celebrations were marked quietly, in such a way that everyone could participate, and that is the most important part.
There was sunshine the other day and puppy and I went for a long walk and I felt better.
My partners are heading back east next week, so I will have lots of time to clean/rest/putter about without interruption.
The show is looking fine, despite all the last minute substitutions. I also like being onstage, something I forget when I go for too long as a techie.
Sold a gabillion training sessions, which means commission for me, and more gold in the pot.
Love and sparkles to all!
Hello Friday, and January and 2013. Andin every case here, yes i’m a bit late.
i’ve been doing lots of Journaling and Embarking on the Year in my paper journals.
What worked this week:
-Chunks of time. Specifically: giving myself an hour for working out, or giving msyelf the last 10-20 before the hour to do a chore, then giving myself the next hor for something fun
-good sleep, see Exiting the Day
-best Practices. This is turning into a theme for 2013 already
-3 Things a day: at home and at work
-more Movement!
Next week:
-earlier bedtime. with the girls back from vacation this will be key
-more Investigations of Best Practcies
-more Journal time
the suck:
-transitioning from Miami to Denver. love visiting Miami but while there i lose a lot of momentum
-NYDay I felt hungover and sluggish. i’mgiving msyelf permission, since i was feeling like i was getting sick, but it worried me, not a day off but a day of backsliding into my worst ever habits
-Ogun stuff: a tocket for expired tags???? lots of stuff that got blown off in october coming back in unpleasnat ways.
-relaizing all thw things I’ve blown in the past few months, having to return to them
the sparkle:
-sooo happy to be home. so happy to see the icy pale skies and walk in cold air.
-comign home to hot food, clean jammies and a clean kitchen. i NEEDED to see this.
-interruptions to my “never, nothing, no one” narrative
-deepening in my ypga practice, including the Mighty Flail. So happy. feelign so good and presnet.
-lots of incoming tools and learning: landmark Forum in a few weeks, Pantheacon and other juicy things coming up.
-my Stompolis calendar! squeee! cannot adequately epress my Squeee over this!
-so looking forward to the Year of Emptying & Replenishing! SO happy that I agve myself the gift of a ticket to the Voyage! So happy to be shipping out as a Ship’s Mouse
-and seriously all the pirate & nautical metaphors mke me ridiculously happy
-when I say Moving, I mean also DANCING! Dancing all the time! Dancing and learning deeper moves and getting better and thinking like some who dances!
-my coven still afloat. new opportunities to play with folks in my MasterMind group. so many new ways to play!
-Play!!
What worked
Permission, the giving and receiving and recognizing.
Resting, and permission to rest.
Conversely: permission to not freak out about not resting, when it (the not-resting) happened.
Trying a not-new-but-rather-less-used parenting trick. Bolivia is a place of many secrets and varied cultures! Who knew? (OK, yes, I knew, probably most everyone knew.)
The trick of eating a carrot before I eat the junky snack I’m really craving.
Next time I might…
Give more permission.
Recognize the value of rest.
Declare publicly when I’m going to take a day of rest.
Also: not wait until my body starts to randomly seize and/or swell up before I declare said day.
The hard
Recovery mode from lots of traveling and socializing meant late nights of desperately trying to get “me time.”
Late nights of desperately trying, etc., meant tired me. Also I was sad that the new earlier bedtime habit was so easy to break.
Kids sniping & snarking at each other towards the end of my day of rest. Husband doing little or nothing to deal with it until it gets too loud or mean to ignore.
Plantar fasciitis = constant, annoying, long-term, so-freaking-ready-to-be-done foot pain. See above re: resting.
The good
Recognizing recovery mode when it happened. Knowing that getting out of the new bed time habit wasn’t a permanent slippery-slope regression type thing.
I am crazy-proud of myself for making a bag of Reese’s Pieces last two whole weeks. I don’t care that I was away from the house for half that time, I’m still proud. This is a new pattern! Not consuming an entire bag of [insert junk food weakness here] all in one day!
Before they got all restless and snarky, the kids made me a nest on the library couch for my day of rest.
Husband made THE BEST SOUP EVER and it was so good we all had it for breakfast because we couldn’t wait for lunch.
Support to those who’d like it. And a carrot before junk food! (brilliant)
I’d just like to say:
Eight-letter words are twice as good as four-letter ones, to me!
Also:
*Puttered (as in “I like my bread puttered on both sides”)
*Supports–I like to sup (fill myself up) before going to the ports aka possibilities of travel and exchange. Man, I love my corniness.
*Brekfast (I know it’s misspelled, but I like how it looks like Trek rather than Break–Breakfast time is too early for me to think of Breaks, so Fast Trek!)
The hard:
-holiday angst x2
-loudness plus the expectation of staying up late
-accessing my power (thanks, Danielle!) with my “friend” mostly stirred up the stuff
-revealing all sorts of inner rules and feeling blamed for having them
-asking out loud
-ambivalence about slowness, self vs. other
The good:
+a list of all the 2012 good (pages and pages that came so easily!)
+interesting dreams, including a redhead
+enjoying the process and flow (plus results)
+easily amused VD (yes, a proxy)
+the team
+slow mornings
+long walk on the beach, holding hands
+yoga, feeling my feet right now
+maybe anxiety is just a lot of excitement (thanks again, Danielle!)
+togetherness anticipation e.g. Zumba
Had the superpower of lateral thinking and smiling.
Want the superpower of letting it gush.
Support to those who’d like it. And a carrot before junk food! (brilliant)
I’d just like to say:
Eight-letter words are twice as good as four-letter ones, to me!
Also:
*Puttered (as in “I like my bread puttered on both sides”)
*Supports–I like to sup (fill myself up) before going to the ports aka possibilities of travel and exchange. Man, I love my corniness.
*Brekfast (I know it’s misspelled, but I like how it looks like Trek rather than Break–Breakfast time is too early for me to think of Breaks, so Fast Trek!)
The hard:
-holiday angst x2
-loudness plus the expectation of staying up late
-accessing my power (thanks, Danielle!) with my “friend” mostly stirred up the stuff
-revealing all sorts of inner rules and feeling blamed for having them
-asking out loud
-ambivalence about slowness, self vs. other
The good:
+a list of all the 2012 good (pages and pages that came so easily!)
+interesting dreams, including a redhead
+enjoying the process and flow (plus results)
+easily amused VD (yes, a proxy)
+the team
+slow mornings
+long walk on the beach, holding hands
+yoga, feeling my feet right now
+maybe anxiety is just a lot of excitement (thanks again, Danielle!)
+togetherness anticipation e.g. Zumba
Had the superpower of lateral thinking and smiling.
Want the superpower of letting it gush.
Wham boom! Thank you, ma’am. 🙂
(FYI, tomorrow is Elvis’ birthday!!)