Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
This week went extra-fast, the opposite of slow-motion. All the hamsters on buttered-up wheels.
What worked?
Trusting my instinct.
Where to sit. When to stop. When to wait. When to press go.
Turning everything into a secret op.
Even things like calling a friend or going to dance class.
Noticing that I was resisting a thing I thought I wanted and letting that be okay.
And then I found out why it scares me and talked to a bunch of monsters, and everything is better now.
In fact, I’m kind of glad they all showed up because now everything that did not make sense makes sense.
(For example! This whole time I’ve been trying to OPEN but then resisting the opening. But it turns out that what is needed is not to open but instead to hum. Humming instead of opening is the secret way to open things without it feeling vulnerable and scary.)
Showing Svevo around Stompopolis.
I can’t think of anything better than introducing my most favorite person to my most favorite space. This was quite possibly one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
And it was such a perfect demonstration of how it is impossible to describe Stompopolis. I thought I’d given a really good, detailed description of what it was like but when we got there, he gasped.
He was absolutely flabbergasted. Completely awe-struck. Overcome with joy. He said later that going through the door was like being dropped from a spaceship and landing in a mysterious beautiful meadow of unknown flowers and colors, filled with delight. He said it was like the first time you go scuba diving: you just cannot imagine how beautiful, how striking, how different, what a feast for the senses it is. This entirely new world, its own complete world.
Oh, my heart. I felt so reassured about my inability to do Stompopolis justice or write decent copy for it. It can’t be done. You just have to experience it. Because that kind of magic and containment and majesty just cannot be summed up.
Though isn’t this a wonderful sentence? Here is what Svevo said:
“I think anyone who walks in that door can’t help but have something happen to them. Something exquisite.”
Next time I might…
Do more entry.
A lot. You know what? Even a little.
But more preparing for the voyage. Even two more minutes to sit and breathe before [Thing X], no matter what Thing X is.
Remember that de-cobwebbing stirs up dust. And then you cough a lot.
Metaphorical dust and metaphorical coughing but still.
Whenever I clear out a bunch of old crap (physical stuff that has emotional stuff attached to it), I feel better for having cleared it. But while it’s being cleared and shortly after, there’s dust.
I want to remember that it’s not “Uh oh, what’s all this gunk and emotion?”, and go straight to “Oh right, here are the remnants of THEN exiting, and yeah, I might feel a bit foggy while it’s happening.”
The hard.
- Overwhelmed.
- Nightmares.
- Waking up at 2am.
- Worried about an old friend.
- Being right next to one inane conversation after another. Even at the Lodge, where that never happens.
- Distance. All the kinds at once.
- Overbooked.
- Not spending time with my playmate.
- Three different things that in my head were going to be fun turned out to be unbearably boring.
- Other people’s panics. Other people’s projections onto me.
- Too much socialize! People I like and productive meetings and all good things, but way too much interpersonal interaction for this HSP.
- Body doing something it used to do but hadn’t for quite a while and I had really hoped that we were done with this.
- Zombie days from not sleeping.
- I forgot how exhausting [Thing Y] is.
- Misunderstandings.
- Finishing a bunch of big operations and realizing that I didn’t know how to feel celebratory about this.
- Wanting.
The good.
- I have tights and they sparkle and I think they might be magic. I am wearing them right now and they are making all the things better.
- Being called the wrong name for the last time. Three times in a week, but for the last time.
- Friday night.
- Following a strong instinctive pull that lead to an entire trail of these that resulted in a series of wonderful things.
- Dance. Every day.
- Bounce bounce.
- When I woke up at 2am, I rearranged my old office. De-cobwebbing superpowers activate!
- Being told that I look like Kim Basinger. Which I’m pretty sure I don’t. But I so appreciate a boy at a bar using a reference someone from my generation can recognize.
- Twenty one days until I’m off to the Vicarage.
- Sending out the surprise ebook for the class on TIME.
- The class on TIME.
- YAY TRUCKS.
- Words with Wally. Creme de la creme.
- “You can dance if you want to / you can leave your friends behind”
- Watching the Clippers beat the Lakers. They just barely squeaked by but they did maintain the lead the entire time.
- Problem-solving. And then it turned out they weren’t even problems. Uh huh.
- A spectacularly great hair day.
- I am looking forward to so many things! Including tonight and the Vicarage and something happening next January and seeing Kyle on Sunday. I hardly ever look forward to things. This is new and fun!
- All the progress on the secret ops. Including Toozday when I had seven operations all going at once and six were taken care of…
- Eddie helped me plan a slide.
- Two different fake beach days, one of them under the stars.
- Playing.
- My favorite uncle (and person) showed up in town! And stayed with me.
- I got to show three different people around Stompopolis this week (“Look at my baby!!!!”) and it was magical.
- Delicious Iraqi food and great company. Also I finally got to meet Carl the Dog.
- My cousin Noah lives in Portland now and we are practically neighbors and he is great.
- Playdates for writing.
- The phrase “Turn music into lace.”
- Lots of useful processing.
- The monkey.
And the best-best thing ever!
A gorgeous surprise bouquet of flowers showed up mysteriously on my porch yesterday.
It came with a secret-agent-code note and turned out to be from a group of Floopers who have (secretly!) banded together to get me months and months of flowers. I feel all the feelings: Astonished! Delighted! Appreciative! Adored!
This combines my three favorite things in the world: being a spy, letting flowers make things better (transforming space), and knowing that I am appreciated. I am bouncing around my house delightedly right now. THE BEST!
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
B-bop Mission Melon Wham boom!
Operation Watchcap Wham boom!
Stompitty Yay: Operation Name Bells Wham boom!
Operation Secret Letter Wham boom!
The 7? Red Rose Missive Wham boom!
The 7? Visions Wham boom!
Operation Try Ribbons (Milliner II) Wham boom!
Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this weekâŠ
The superpower of sitting next to exactly the right person in the exact right moment.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of celebrating a thing that is finished.
Really and truly feeling it. Not just nodding and moving on to the next thing. Not dismissing it as a drop in the bucket. Really appreciating that I worked hard: movement is happening, even if I can’t see it or feel it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band showed up in the ebook I wrote for the TIME class.
Special Monster Appendix.
Mmhmmm. Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hatâŠ
DOLPHINS!
If you’ve been wanting to join the Floop (the Floating Playground) or to play with me during the Year of Emptying And Replenishing (password: compass)…
If you want payment options, they happen through the Dolphin Adoption Agency.
That’s it for me âŠ
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. Weâre supportive and welcoming. And we donât give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Your uncle is right. It is a pretty amazing, indescribable space!
The good:
Lots and lots and lots done.
Had very conscious entry into the week, and resuming of some work responsibilities.
Noticed how completely different re-entry was this year as opposed to last year. Serious goodness.
Some massive review/thinking time. Time just for me!!
The hard:
A couple niggly client projects that just won’t end.
Frustrated partner about work stuff, presenting an opportunity for me to do forcefield upkeep.
More insomnia. Again.
What went well:
Putting comfort items on the list, and even doing them sometimes!
Separating out Stepping Stone tasks from Duck tasks (no offense Selma â different sorts of ducks altogether!)
What I might do differently:
Even more ease and rest. Really spending some time realizing how much I want ease and rest and comfort.
MMMmmmmmmmm! Secret flowers!! xoxoxo
This has been a mostly really really great week. Really great.
Let’s check-in…
What was hard:
– last weekend
feelingbelieving myself to be “behind” and getting stressed out about it.– I find it hard to communicate calmly and patiently with certain someone who doesn’t speak English very well and quickly find myself doing that awful thing of saying THE SAME THING BUT LOUDER AND IRRITATED. This person is six years old. This is not a good pattern. Ouch guilt waaaah.
– that one nightmare, and the four minutes awake afterwards feeling wretched and useless and FAIL before realising it was only a dream. Bah!!
– prioritising my energy, calm and money-ease and saying no to attending a wedding interstate. Realising this is what this year is going to be like. I’m excited to be repaying my energetic credit card, but sad to not be spending like I would have used to do. Because a wedding woulda been fun. đ
– the Bureau of Meteorology had to add extra colours to the forecast map to indicate temperatures up to 54C/129F. Because that’s how hot it’s going to be in Central Australia this week. Scary. And I’m just in the yellow bit which is 38C/113F-ish. And that’s bloody awful enough.
– No car. Dwindling budget. Going to have to get creative.
– I find it hard to cook for one. There’s been a bit of spaghetti-out-of-a-can and toast overdose. Yuk. (In retrospect, weirdly compelling before you actually eat it of course!!)
That’s about it though.
What was good:
+ woke up on Monday and Wham Boomed it! Ooooooh, right the reason last week everything draaaagged and didn’t get done was because it was not the time for it to get done! It was a week for being on summer holidays! I spent it stressing out! Duuuuhhh!!! Still!! Wham booming a whole bunch of things because the time was right also felt good! Also the rest of this week has been similarly a wham boom week. Yay!
+ speaking of time: the class on time!! The surprise ebook on time! Could not sleep for delight after reading it!! Thank goodness for Emergency Calming Techniques. Too bad I have kiddies in the morning or I would have stayed up feeling overexcited and happy and loving everything (without looking like I’m chewing on marbles like I normally do when I’m in that mood!). But I do have kids in the morning, so I calmed the heck down and remembered there will be time to be overexcited again in the future and went to bed. How boring and grown up of me. But I was still happy so that’s the important thing. Calm happy.
+ I made a pot-plant garden with about thirty five pots. It makes me very happy.
+ Got an email I’d been waiting for from a friend. She has found a way out of the fog and swamp. I am very, deeply happy for her. Yay truth, bye bye confusion.
+ Did an email playdate thing with another friend that was hilarious and fun.
+ Decided that I am very, deeply, steady-and-grounded-enthusiasm-for-my-life happy.
Happy Friday cheeps! xoxoxoxo
What was hard
~ A huge blow out with the manfingy over my fear of abandonment
~ Anxiety. Anxiety. Anxiety
~ Some feelings of jelly over other folk’s success that sent me into a bit of a tailspin
~ Feeling medicated and ‘not myself’. Hating feeling medicated and ‘not myself’.
~ Not feeling safe around friendships with women and desperately wanting to.
What Rocked
~ I took a photo a day, and it was awesome.
~ The blow out got resolved before we went to bed.
~ I made an appointment to see a counselor about the anxiety
~ I am in my second month as a non-smoker and feeling mighty proud
~ Good work got done this week.
~ I made plans to spend time *out of the house* with *a friend*. Woo!
I really resonated with this: “Remember that de-cobwebbing stirs up dust. And then you cough a lot. Metaphorical dust and metaphorical coughing but still.
Whenever I clear out a bunch of old crap (physical stuff that has emotional stuff attached to it), I feel better for having cleared it. But while itâs being cleared and shortly after, thereâs dust.
I want to remember that itâs not âUh oh, whatâs all this gunk and emotion?â, and go straight to âOh right, here are the remnants of THEN exiting, and yeah, I might feel a bit foggy while itâs happening.â”
Yeah. That!
Hey there, Friday! I’m glad you’re here.
What worked: Re-booting the week when it started off badly.
Next time I might… Allow even more time and space for entry. I am coming to the conclusion that, for me, there is no such thing as too much of that.
Hard things:
–The news I received on Monday, which caught me completely off-guard and felt like a body-blow. (I’m okay now. Adjusting. Processing.)
–The news the Samurai received on Tuesday, which was not such a surprise, but oh, I had been hoping that his pessimism was misplaced!
–The Wizard’s ongoing job search, which is depressing him this week.
Good things:
–The ebook and class on Time. So absolutely marvelous and deliciously subversive and healing!
–The planning session at my sister’s. I wanted it, I asked for it, and I saw it through. It felt really good.
–The road trip to Roanoke.
–The surprise gift certificate. I thought I couldn’t afford to get my hair done, but now I can! YAY!!
Superpowers!
–This week: the superpower of re-entry. That’s a big one!
–Next week: the superpower of Time Is My Friend.
Yay flowers!! đ
Hard:
Sick people in the house Sunday-Tuesday
Waking up every morning at 5am because of other people coughing
Not being able to fix the sick people
Wondering if I was going to be next
The library was packed and discordant on Monday and I had all the grumpy
Good:
Working at the kitchen table because the sick people were sleeping on the sofa, leading me to re-read some old magazines and have some new epiphanies about my artwork
The library was better on Tuesday and Wednesday
Gaining clarity on what steps need to be taken next with my artwork
Sick people are feeling better now
Because sick people were sick I only had to make dinner Sunday and Monday night.
What helped:
writing down how many hours I have each day not dedicated to taking people to school or baking for my other job
limiting my internet time (go figure that my laptop dying in October would be a good thing)
making notes on what worked on the days things were somewhat normal
Thursdays are free days this semester (huzzah!)
Superpowers:
The wacky musical montage of kicky 80s and 90s tunes overlaying me clearing a space in the studio and painting
Turning everything into a dance to make it more fun
Yay flowers! And yay the class on time.
What worked?
Napping and resting and curling up on the sofa with a book.
Giving myself time to read the surprise book on Time. And then remembering it during all the angsty time moments this week and the angst dissolving.
Having a glass of wine. (Woah, hello all the monsters who think I shouldn’t say this.)
Cancelling things.
Next time I might:
Do errands when I’m in town, rather than putting off till another day.
Turn my phone off or ignore it more.
The hard:
The virus that just kept on giving. I spent 6 out 7 days this week feeling somewhere between exhausted and awful.
Plus bonus PMT exhaustion is back. Bah!
Sleeping really badly on Sunday bc I was worried about Beloved Furball’s Dental Surgery.
Spending most of Monday in a state of high anxiety.
Then various things going wrong, resulting in last minute changes to picking Stanley up = lots of frantic last minute calling people, two hours of my day eaten, more stress!
Feeding the two cats separately is proving rather challenging this time round, owing to their different tastes.
Also feeling like the Wicked Witch of the West for keeping the furballs indoors and doing things like not leaving food out. (Don’t worry, they’re still being fed!)
All the monsters that came out to play this week.
Feeling like I have No Choice, in several different situations at once.
Cancelling bellydance and a date was totally the right thing to do, but disappointing.
Not going to the library yesterday, and as result ending up with no books to read, and then the appt that would take me into town tomorrow is cancelled.
The good:
After 14 days, although still way more tired that normal, I actually feel OK. Yay!
I had enough energy to go for a walk in the countryside on Sunday.
Another Mary Russell novel!
The Time book and the class on time. Uber magical! And of all the weeks when I needed to hear this stuff.
Also the hilarious way that I forgot about the class owing to being exhausted, and then dined on two glasses of wine and some salted peanuts because that all I fancied in my PMT-ish state, realised that the class was happening 1 minute before it started, dialled in ten minutes after it started, and it was totally perfect + magical + eye-opening.
Getting to plan something interesting at the part-time job.
Going to the cinema last Saturday for the first time in a year and a half (!).
Sleeping!
Shamanic journeying.
Art journaling.
My last coaching sesh with Emmanunelle – stirring up the deep stuff and playing with it and seeing that ‘it doesn’t have to be like this!’
Beloved Furball’s dental surgery went well, and he’s been nomming his medicine, and generally being a sweetpea.
Exciting plans!
Making a magical jar.
Taking photos with iPhone and magically destuckifying a lot of my stuff about photography.
Wishing you all beautiful weeks. <3
What Worked:
Taking next steps.
Returning emails and phone calls. Saying what I want.
Going back to my car to chill for a while when I got to a networking event too early and felt weird but then went back in when more people had arrived and had a great time.
Saying no to yoga class and deciding to just practice at home so I can go out with my friends earlier.
Wearing flats to the networking event so I didn’t tower over people and feel weird.
Next Time I might:
Stand and sit up straighter and keep my stomach pulled in.
The Hard:
Grr argh money hardz.
No sparks on that one thing. Not sure where to go from here.
Cold hands and feet.
The Good:
Working and new clients calling.
Coffees set up with folks who might be able to show me the way.
Sleep returned. Magic blue pills that keep me asleep.
The cat sleeps under the covers now. So sweet.
Hello, Friday. Oh my goodness.
What worked:
* leaving things alone
* waiting things out
* permission not to get to things. Discovering yet again that some things solve themselves properly and perfectly when I don’t rush in.
What might I try next time?
* more conscious or explicit exit strategy
Hard:
* BIG, protracted argument w/monsters over whether I could unplug for shabbat this week
* gunk. Lots of gunk.
* dealing with a crater.
Good:
* this year’s depiction of the Statue of Liberty for the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund is of the awesome
* a successful batch of salted caramel brownies. And one of the recipients texting “Oh my god” to me after tasting them. đ
* being reminded that my academic + editing chops are considerable
* unexpected synchronicity
Superpowahs!
this week: giving new life to cactus. creating sweetness. improving stews.
next week: the superpowers of tactful editing and helpful encouragement.
Yay trucks! Yay flowers! Shabbat shalom!
Cheers, Chickeneers!
This week was pretty damn good. Things are right. There is flow.
The one thing of Hard is not actually all that Hard
– mysterious swelling on my lower leg- tender to the touch but other than that just strange (Normally I’d freak out and agonize over whether or not it warranted a visit to the doctor. Instead I made an appointment to see an acupuncturist next week. I’m icing and using arnica until then. Whatevs.)
The Good
– clarity on projects
– not letting other peoples’ stuff into my realm
– fun progress on things that need getting done
– new jeans
– scheduling ample time for rest and relaxation
The hard:
– Lots of iguanas
– Weird relationship with time (ha!) and
everything taking too long
– The landline phone/fax/answerphone that died
– The not being able to get on with my ‘thing’ because of the iguanas
– A nightmare that actually made me cry out in the night, scaring both the furball and the husband
The good:
– The arrival of the Stompopolis calendar (Yay!)
– The surprise ebook for the class on Time (Double yay!)
– The class on Time (Triple yay!)
– The Superpower of ‘Maybe Nothing is Wrong’ – used many times this week.
– Continuation of conscious entry to January
– Replacing the phone that died with ‘Operation Telecomms’ (the purchase of a magical new machine). Wham boom! Yay trucks!
– A new client
Cheers to all chickeneers, and sending special hugs to Jane for Beloved Furball’s Dental Surgery (always lots of high anxiety around that; I’m glad it turned out OK.)
@Caroline – Thank you so much! <3
Flowers!! đ
The Hard.
– (THIS ONE IS TRIGGERY AND SUPER SAD. Skip if necessary. –>)So I was doing really pretty okay with the whole “your baby is getting weird test results for this rare and extremely deadly birth defect that sometimes has no symptoms at the outset.” And then I read a forum with all these parents of kids who have it, and their kids have seizure after seizure and become less and less the kids they know as they stop walking/talking/eating and this is the saddest thing I can think of and now I look at my bright happy (probably not sick, but maybe) baby and burst into tears.
(I would love for people to send happy calm hums to us for this, but please don’t talk to me about it, not even to tell me you’re humming.)
– Have to wait a week to even do the tests whose results will tell us something about the above situation.
– Mad at myself for googling the things when I shouldn’t have googled the things.
– Still getting reverbs from the setting of the boundary last week. Very shaky with that.
– The person who broke my heart and doesn’t know it (which is to say, the situation that brought up my stuff that broke my heart and involves said person) showed up at a social event and then I couldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t talk about anything real and it was awkward and sad and I am really stuck in Stuff Swamp with this one.
– Having a seven-week-old is hard. Even when they’re eating well and sleeping well and all is basically well. All is also basically exhausting.
– Renovating a house is also hard! And of course all kinds of random near-emergencies keep cropping up and they take up all my time.
– Oh the very many shoes which were thrown. Ducking, ducking, and more ducking.
– Bear time? No. Bear time is not supposed to happen for, like, another year.
The Good:
– Cutest baby ever? Probably. Especially when smiling. And now she also drools, *and* meditatively licks your arm as a hobby.
– I got a work day this week!! My business and I had so much fun hanging out together for five entire hours!! And it set the framework for future work days, which will eventually happen twice a week.
– Friday for Replenishing was (stressful, but) a success! First time that’s happened.
– We’re (kind of) doing elimination communication. Meaning that now sometimes the baby uses the toilet for her bathrooming, and it’s way more exciting that it has any right to be.
– This time next week I’ll be all moved! Into a house! That I own! That has a dryer in it! (This means no more driving to a laundromat to wash diapers every other day. I very much approve.)
– My body decided that this is the week for my stomach muscles to come back. Stomach muscles! How I love you! How I’d missed you!
– Big secret hard-to-describe opening to possibilities. Something about signing up to take a class on html has changed everything.
– First teeny bit of progress with heartbreak situation I’ve seen in a long time.
– Kind of sleep! Kind of regularly! Kind of enough!
What worked for me last week:
Not getting into second guessing
Letting go.
Calling a spade a space and not going on and on with such spade.
Retaining dignity and being true to myself.
Not returning the call of a sociopath who I had a very telling dream about two nights earlier.
The Hard –
Dealing with guilt for having to “go cold” and stay cold Not easy as an HSP with a generous hear.
Having to see predators as predators and take care of myself as prey.
Being around someone I know I don’t like.
Not getting a response and feeling unappreciated for all the (over)work I did for the stingy of spirit-filled.
The Good –
Not responding. Standing strong.
Doing what is right for the stronger me, not the people-pleasing me.
Actually got some organization done and I feel so beautiful for it.
Things are coming together for me – the stuff in front of the real stuff I want to do.
Loving my dog so much.
Taking care of both of us so well.
Enjoying the heck out of present moment solitude and more time alone to continue my missions of organization and sanity building practices ( my life has been non-stop chaos for years and this is huge for me.)
Called voc rehab. Orientation scheduled.
Superpower this week:
Psychic telepathy. The more I practice Ashtanga, the more science fiction-like things happen.
Being able to go cold and still feel loving and like it was not wrong or anti-yogic.
————
Superpower hoped for next week:
Kickass video artist by next Saturday’s performance and journey towards that all through the week. It’s time.
—————
But SHAZAM!!! Things are finally coming together and the depression is actually manageable this January. The stuff is being moved out of the way of the real things I want to do!
hello everyone and cluck. Hooray for Surprising Flowers!
What worked this week:
-Unexpected Yellwo Tulips today! in a nasty snow storm so extra sparkels
-Exiting the Day with tea
-remembering SnowFlakes!
-the SUperPower of Nothing is Worng Actually
Next time I’ll try:
-i need to make a new Entering Friday plan
-using my lunch hour for journaling. it really does make so much sense
the suck:
-staying up a bit too late most nights despte Scientific Evidence
-concerned about how to mange my work load and work flow now that i actually have one. must get some of these projects DONE and there’s so many of them
-all this pre-writing and process writing and journaling is great but when the hell do i Actally Write Write
-knowing deep down the above qusestion is part fo the problem.
the yum:
-humming and dancing
-coven on saturday nite. beautiful work, great food
-fiding my beloved tea! tazo Rest! purrr!
-getting along really well with the husband, lots of good communiction, compassion, forebearance and even smooching.
-My Time ebook! so much squeeeee! had to miss the class, sady, but so excited about thebook and the Year
-omg, getting wriitng done. starting and FINISHING nd POSTING a blog post.
-the issue of my pix, resolved
-the SuperPower of Simple Elegant Solutions over all
-the word Commit and how it keeps popping up
-as in: my new MasterMind group, we had our first call this morning. Also, having a bosun to help keep my work on track. Staructure and Accountability, and Connection to Community
-enjoying puppy-time. understanding more about why this kind of fun is imprtant.
-gthe joy of knowing that in 2013, Beauty, Joy and Fun are central to the mojo.
-feeling that new year’s pop of energy and mtivation for making changes and havong adventures! wheee!
Happy New Moon, Chickens!
Havi–Love the time ebook ! Yay! And the calendar, really so beautiful, it creates its own little world. Thank you Havi!
Also, this blog and comment space are so special. I am amazed and so grateful to feel comfortable on the internet in this way.
My chicken:
The hard:
Dog is very limpy and it can feel upsetting to see her like this, worried, sad.
Ew, mouse poop! Yuck.
Big energy crash, oh my word. Without sugar or caffeine, I’m not verbal or vertical
The good:
I know my way around this crap by now.
Support is good
Moving seems to be happening? So weird. Someone else is packing up my cabinets for purposes that help them more than me. That’s a new one.
Crock pot, broth, all the healing stuff
Horizontal and silent is very grounding actually and not unpleasant. I am finally into it! Has taken years.
We have a simple plan to restore order and then I will be on hiatus for at least a month, and finally there is no fight in me about this,
My support says, cancel this, cancel this, cancel this, and is sooooo right.
What worked:
Low expectations
Knowing there is no way 2012 will be *remotely* processed until April
Strategic ice cream when required to have a meeting and drive somewhere
Purple tulips (fractal tulips! Beaming messages to other participating fractal tulips like all the stone monument thingies on Ancient Aliens which I keep watching while horizontal and nonverbal.)
Being on what I realized and can feel is sacred ground that deeply loves me back, it was a presence I felt so clearly and I’m really excited to have more quiet time due to my upcoming imposed hiatus to feel this power. Its such love. I missed this and forgot I missed it!
Enlisting help to enlist more help
I have learned how to move in this lifetime, that is for sure. We have a plan to make things orderly and comfortable quickly without getting tangled in unnecessary details (fingers crossed )
Oh, ha, a little irritated self-expression brought in a huge amount of support for something. While I was too exhausted to stand up. It just happened. This is such a clew. A reminder actually. About where my ballpark is. Conventional wisdom in my field is useless to me, is sorta the clew’s next clew.
Am and pm intention date books are soooo working! great easy ritual
Next time I will try:
No driving or meetings or pushing an iota, therefore no sugar, I am excited for this, I used to hate it
Maybe signing up for another thing I can take in while resting
Just telling people I am too tired and sitting there rather than feeling guilty and getting sugared/caffeinated when movings happen
Enjoying depth of stillness (this involves cable tv! I don’t know why these words are coming out more zen than that !)
Love to all chickens!!
Superpower I had: Everything Is Actually OK (have I ever had this before? Not sure.)
Superpower I really, really want for next week: going to sleep by 10 pm, regularly. (This would be a miracle.)
Things that worked (excerpt from scientists’ lab report):
Processing while at work.
Emailing processing to the Friendly Inbox of Löve.
Noticing pain and fear and frustration and holding it and carrying it and forgiving it and forgiving me, AND WAITING until it found the right words to bring it up with the other person.
Acknowledging the “impossible” want that probably isn’t very impossible at all.
Things to try:
More rest.
Bring up the now-clearly-possible want with the decision-maker. When you’re ready.
The hard:
Dropping things at work. Drop, drop. And not even noticing until after. The growing sense of THIS IS NOT WORKING.
Embarking on Project Good Morning, Sunshine. I don’t see any sun rays. Yet?
Fear! Worry! Confusion! I know it’s love, but it feels like pain!
The good:
The most gorgeous blög header ever. Richard is a genius and I am also a genius for gifting this to myself NOW, at the exact right moment.
The Good Night, Sweetheart Program works like a charm when I participate.
The question “What if I belong here?” proved very calming and useful and put things on their head in a good way, time and again.
The upside of Project Good Morning, Sunshine, which is that I’m sitting here typing merrily in a MOSTLY QUIET HOUSE even though there are four of us here. HSP HOPEFULNESS! GOOD THINGS MAY BE AHEAD, TOO!
A very mature and loving question from B’s birth mother. Feeling so much respect for her.
Gorgeous flowers!!! YAY.
The time class / book sounds amazing! Double YAY!
And sparkly tights – love âemmmmmmmmm!
What worked?
+Speaking up for something I wanted to happen… and then it did.
+Getting back on schedule with my Writing Hours… and morning rituals in general.
Next time I mightâŠ
+++Speak up SOONER
The hard:
– stomach âoffâ for a few days.
– afternoons that felt a bit… LOST… as I took to my bed to rest/heal. I KNOW it is what I need to do…but i still felt like i should be DOING DOING DOING….sigh.
– giving up (maybe?) on the âREVIEW the YEARâ plan. Feels like a fail.
– worried about The Hairy Faced Kid. She is …. not doing so good. Sick a lot. Coughy. Waking in the night. Having a hard time rising up from a sleep. We give her love love love. But I worry.
The good:
+ The flow with the writing…ahh…. I just roll around in it… and celebrate… and say Thank Ye!
+ Taking the rest I needed even though the DO DO DO monsters hovered over me.
+ The rising early
+ The gentle yoga
+ the playing with the new work toy
+ the skating (and the ZEN shovelling off of the rink)
+ deciding to âgive upâ on the âReview the Yearâ plan. Did a shorter version and drew a line saying… This year is DONE. Thank you. Moving on now.
++ SUPER NEWS Finding out that my novel, Mostly Happy, will be released as an ebook this year.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week (LOVE this!):
+ Operation MH1: Get Them Talking- Wham Boom!
+ ASKit Mission – Wham Boom!
+ Operation MOVE it Along! – Wham Boom!
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this weekâŠ
The superpower of honouring my own needs.
+speaking up
+asking for what I needed
+taking the rest I needed
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of weaving weaving weaving the world.
+ weaving the this with the that and the here with the there
+ weaving the work with the play
+ weaving the day
Sending bouquets of heart blossoms out to all the CHICKENEERS!!!
go easy -p
Yay seekrit flowers!!!!!!!
The Hard:
-The minute where I thought the plans for the next few months were falling apart
-Having to justify my worth
-Still being at someone else’s beck and call
-Operation Security Personnel taking way longer than I wanted it to
-Hi, identity ‘crisis’! It’s nice to meet you.
-Holy crap – I don’t care about organizing things or making plans.
-kinda maybe getting sucked into a thing I wasn’t really ready for (I practice saying ‘no’ and saying ‘no’ and then I slip one time, and it’s a big thing. Mah. debating whether I really want to get out of it or not.)
-parkour class being half awesome and half bootcamp and bringing up all the stuff about being compassionate with my body but also wanting to be strong and be able to do cool shit
-overwhelmed by too many missions at once
-Not wanting to do the organize-y things for Operation Kick-Start
The Good:
-Entreprenurial afternoon drinking day with Stu
-awesome lunch with Carol
-Kolbe results + convo with Carol totally backing up all the things I have been realizing
-Feeling free to stop pretending to like to organize things
-Writing all the time
-Fun calls with D
-drinks w/ J
-drinks with Sh
-darts and seeing my boys
-rock climbing class! Who knew?
-My Ignite! talk proposal got accepted! First time I will be speaking to people who are paying money (even if I don’t get any of the money…)
-Wayfinding. <3
-Co-"working" w/ E (in which we largely watched Nick Pitera videos)
Happy weekend chickens!
Well, well.
The hard:
-The office sounds like a hospital ward. And now I am sick, although not terribly seriously. Feh.
-A Management consultant has been brought in and I was one of the people asked to discuss “the current state” and how we got here and how things can be fixed. I have talked to so many of these people and nothing ever gets better, and having to re-live the last two years just shreds me.
-Inertia, not knowing what to do next, not caring. This is so not me.
-Unpleasant e-mails from cranky people.
The good:
-DECISION. After the last round with the management consultant, I have decided I am done telling the story, to myself or anyone else. Re-living this is not helping me heal or move on. This decision is strangely empowering. There should be a Fluent Self word for it. “Silent Retreat” is not quite strong enough. “Silent Slamming Door” might work.
-Making plans, seeing friends. Also, sometimes the plans are cancelled, so then there is home to savor.
-Enjoyed the Time class and the e-book. Lots to absorb there, which I wasn’t able to do very well yet due to recovering from the Management Consultant debacle.
-Back to school this week, which gives me something else to think about. Onward and upward!
Best of luck with everyone’s challenges. We all have them don’t we?
Cluck, cluck!
The Hard:
Oooooh, the hard.
– Loads of Work! Flow of Things that Need Doing! Overwhelmed and undercommitted. Just feels yucky.
– Sooo much time spent taking care of other people’s problems.
– Tired and cranky me wants to stay home and take care of my own stuff again. Leads to foot dragging every time I have to leave the house to do anything.
– Feeling like I have no control.
– Mad at myself for having to call the Guy who pays me for Things that Need Doing on his vacation to ask a question.
– Dehydration early in the week leading to breakouts.
– Continuance of the annual cold weather tummy blahs.
– Feeling too drained for fun and P.L.A.Y.
The Yay:
+ Middle cat passed her annual exam with flying colors. Clean teeth, even!
+ The hubs got a full-time job offer to pick up when his temp position starts winding down.
+ The above eases finance worries considerably and brings back cheerful FutureHopes.
+ I can now report that my No-Time monster is now in charge of containers.
+ The new book that looked so incredible really IS incredible – many happy reading hours in book 1,2, and 3.
Superpower I had last week: Sadly, I think it was Grumbling while Doing
Superpower I’d like next week: Making the time containers happen
What Worked:
+ Realizing I was starting to get depressed and noticing it before it got bad, and making a conscious effort to take care of myself (read: stay off facebook, do things I love, etc)
+ Doing the UFYH 20 minutes work / 10 minutes break thing as part of the task I’m calling Waking Up The Koi. It’s making a difficult task way easier to deal with, and way less exhausting than it would be otherwise.
+ Figuring out a name for Waking Up The Koi! Much more fun than trying to describe it in standard terminology.
+ Fractal flowers!
What I Might Do Differently:
– Make arrangements to spend less time around difficult people.
– Find a way to keep reminding myself when I am starting to get into a depressive slump that it’s the depression and not reality when things seem shitty. I need a way to keep reminding myself to take a breath and hear the depression and not buy into it. Maybe a bracelet or something? A ring? A necklace? This will have a bonus effect of alerting my sweetie that I’m feeling off kilter, in case I forget to tell him (which I did this week)
The Good:
OMG SO MUCH GOOD THIS WEEK IT IS AWESOME.
+ I won a prize in the Touchstone technical writing competition!
+ Found out that I’ll be able to work remotely after the move!
+ I bought the makings of a fabulous, huge workbench (all but the top) off Craigslist for about 1/20th what it’s worth. Awesome.
+ All of it fit in my lil’ Civic! I love my car.
+ One of my bookbinding teachers is selling me a super useful and super expensive piece of equipment for very little. Woot!
+ Going to Aikido for the first time since my neck went out months ago. Woot!
+ Finished a project for work way early!
The Hard:
– Getting diagnosed with yet another unpleasant condition. Ugh.
– Dealing with depression and resultant monster uprisings.
– Waking Up The Koi is in a phase where everything is messier than when I started, and that’s frustrating.
Superpower I’d like for next week: Awareness.
Superpower I had this week: Being awesome at things after not doing them for a long time! Yes!
Claiming chicken amnesty!
The week just past was really full and unusual. I went a part of a delegation to our Sister City in Mexico. The people we met were warm and welcoming, very hard-working, and gracious. The thing that most touched us was the group home for small children who would, in the US, be in foster care. The children were beautiful and happy; in pairs, they showed us around, sang for us, and played with us.
The hard:
Not getting enough sleep.
Being cold because the forecast (for 80 degree temps) was way wrong.
The good:
Oh, just about everything!
The people.
The activities.
The things I saw and learned.
Sometimes when I travel, I see people with so many needs, it seems hopeless to even to think about how to begin to help them. On this trip, I didn’t feel that way. The needs are great, but the people we met with in the city were working to address the needs and there were specific ways in which we could help — sometimes just connecting them with other charitable organizations that they had not heard about or giving them specific information, such as about the summer program our community college has for students who want to improve their English.
It was marvelous. And now I’m about to embark on another week of adventure. See you all here at the next chicken!