Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I wish to report that I took a two-hour nap EVERY SINGLE DAY THIS WEEK.
That’s basically the chicken. 🙂
What worked?
Silent retreat, still, again.
My god I love silent retreat.
Coming up with secret agent code for airplane mode on the phone.
AIR = Accessing Internal Resonance.
Plane = shutting down external input and interference from the outside plane so that I can access my internal plane. The plane of Havi Bell humming her secret hum. PLANE is also: Plenty. Light. Adventure. Newness. Effervescence.
Air/plane mode! With an 8-letter compass.
I feel good about this. And it made it so much easier to shut down the phone. Because why would I not want to access internal resonance? Yay.
Thank you everyone for the wonderful suggestions you made last week! Loved all of them, and they sent me on the right track. xo
Asking for reminders.
Trusting my instincts.
Next time I might…
Remember the superpower of Yay Regrets!
This is a superpower that I came to, somewhat circuitously, by way of my friends Max and Jeff, who do not know each other and should.
But basically it’s kind of like this:
Ahahahahahaaaaa I just made a terrible decision of hilariously terrible proportions and observed myself making it! So now it is therefore actually kind of a great decision, because look at this moment right now!
This will be the last time I consciously choose something like this that is so obviously not supportive of the good of me. So yay. And each time I choose not-this = yay. And also yay because I am noticing this. And also yay for everything that I am doing to interact with the already-decided decision and shift my relationship to it.
Anyway, this superpower worked great for me this week, once I remembered it. I want this one at the top of the bag where I can just reach for it.
Let the compass decide.
Every time I stopped trying to “make” decisions and just got quiet, everything was simple.
I want to remember this. More of this.
Things I found challenging.
- Making a guilt-based should-based decision that resulted in days of exhaustion.
- Oh the monsters.
- All the socialize. I do not like the socialize. Too Much Socialize. Serious suffering from Too Much Socialize sydrome. But mainly from ignoring the fact that I have it and trying to “act like a normal person” who likes being around people. The phrase “act like a normal person” courtesy of my monsters, obviously.
- Huge falling apart brought on by the Too Much Socialize. And specifically, Too Much Socialize in ways that is especially not conducive to Happy Havi. It took three days to recover from one not-aligned-with-what-I-wanted decision.
- Getting stood up. Twice.
- Well, experiencing that as my reality and using that as my vocabulary. Thinking that I was being stood up, and that this is even a thing.
- Growlsome! Thanks to my playmate for the word. I had a growlsome mood!
- Realizing how much information I had about what isn’t working, not able to see the information about what is. Leading to a visit from a gaggle of What’s The Point and Everything In Your Life Is Wrong monsters.
- Super creepy guy at the grocery store.
- Someone else’s exhausting and pointless drama. Getting involved in it before realizing what I was doing.
- The house needs new windows and to be painted.
- Internal misunderstandings.
Things I delighted in.
- I’m finding even more holes in the work systems and patch-patch-patch this is actually fun.
- Secret agent code got all the errands done. The Wall is Green. Repeat. The Wall is Green. Secret Serum X. Talk to Q.
- Mini-fake-beach-day with Danielle!
- Spring! Seeing the sky from the bedroom again. Light in the evening. Crocuses everywhere.
- Sweet and intense (and intensely sweet) time with someone close to my heart.
- Undoing the chrysalis and turning it into an 8 day compass-labyrinth that starts after my birthday instead of before.
- So much napping! So much playtime! So much writing! So many flowers.
- The most wonderful birthday ever.
- You know how much I love flowers, right? Of course you do. Also: my proxy mission at Crossing the Line (and therefore also secretly my mission for the entire year and maybe my life) was discovering how/why flowers make everything better. So imagine my astonishment and delight when I came home Thursday and there were gorgeous flower deliveries waiting for me.
- Thank you for the flowers, Rebecca and Andy and my beloved Hiro and also my parents, who get thanked for the flowers and for giving birth to me. And for the cheekbones. Well done. These are great cheekbones.
- Thank you [Floop!] for the phrase Happy Haviday. And thank you, Nick, for the phrase Feliz Havidad!
- The kind of socialize that is FUN and that I like, and that doesn’t wear me out. Beer and hilarity with my wonderful cousin Noah. Agent K taking me to see Thao and the Get Down Stay Down at the Doug Fir. One on one. Real conversation. Silent retreat. No pressure. Laughter and understanding. Playfulness! This is what Havi likes.
- Still hugely happy about successfully training adored housemate to add the word soccer to the phrase “I have some bad news”. Some bad SOCCER news.
- All the not-terrible [SOCCER] news. Like the first match of the season not being the disaster it looked like it was going to be. Like Diego Valeri, my god. Seriously, this goal. Oh, happiness.
- Everything about Stompopolis! Everything about the Floop!
- A healing from Wally that was out of this world.
- Surprise birthday candles at the pub. Thank you, Replacement Agent E, for setting that up and for standing in for my missing dining companion.
- I wasn’t stood up! I stood myself up by forgetting to say yes to an invitation. And also it is not being stood up, it is receiving a key to a secret door, and letting both key and door be whatever I need. Thank you, monster coloring book, for helping me resolve this.
- Speaking of monsters and how the coloring book and manual are magic, my Your Life Is A Disaster Look At Your Life monster revealed itself to be a collection of “we just want you to love your life” worries.
- And then I remembered that all this monster-ing happens every year on the day before my birthday! Which is why I like to plan for it with chrysalis. So then the whole mini-existential-crisis felt embarrassed for being predictable and fizzled, and we giggled about that.
- My playmate: “Havi Bell is not even one year old so I think we should be sweet and understanding.” Aw.
- Once all the pre-birthday monstering dissolved, I felt fantastic.
- The internal scientists have determined that my general Life Contentment is up by at least a million percent from last year. My five biggest life challenges that I was dealing with a year ago have actually all been resolved. That is amazing. My five current big life challenges are actually, shockingly, kind of no big deal compared with what I was dealing with a year ago. Huh.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
This Is Right. I Just Don’t Know How Yet. And I don’t need to know. Boom.
And a superpower I want next week.
Building in extra time for entry as a matter of course.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
I so wanted this week’s band to be Hither and Yawn, but apparently that has been done. Not by a band, but still.
Luckily I am pleased to present you with:
Shower Cap On The Moose.
Thank you, Ez.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Confidential to M.
I love you and I love your magical silent retreat treasure chest that arrived exactly on my birthday. I laughed and clapped like a tiny child who just caught a glimpse of a fairy. I loved each thing more than the next, and I especially loved that it was a metaphor and we both knew it was a metaphor, and how often does that happen?! This is a Havi whose heart is overflowing with delight. <3
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
If you have already been to a Rally, I have a lovely surprise for you coming up.
If you’re in Portland The Younger (the one in Oregon), come to Stompopolis and do some pop-ins!
Other than that, I recommend the class on TIME.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Feliz Havidad! omg that phrase needed to be made!!
oh week!
what worked this week:
-Havi tools:Conducting! wow! & listeing to the 6minute epiphany kick and Exiting the day with tea and melatonin
-making boxes for the puppies (like Putting it in a room)
-bedtime
-looking for overlapping skills, resources
next week i’ll try:
-more exiting and more early bdtimes (esp wth that !@#$ day light savings thing happening)
-trustign my instincts
the suck:
-waterlogging my Stompolis calendar! dismay!
– i cnat find my lim green cotton shell or my hemlock yoga pants
-silent retreat, lots of it
-the disoragnized chaos on client-day and how i could ahve made it all so much smoother and cnat see how i could have changed the stupid
-losing my cool with the girls far too often
-wanting a good fantasy to fall into
-no sobriety and everything that coes with that. tedious.
-mercury retrograde shenanigans. also tedious
teh sparkle:
-almost spring! signs everywhere
-i asked fr the peices to start coing toegterh more an they have! big clues this week
-making more time or cherise in the evening means somehwat easier bedtimes
-really honorin my word at the seminar
-better Well tending over all, but also pushing approaopriate limits here and there, seeing wher i can puh y comfort zone a little bit
-suddenly really wanting to switch my diet over, craving greens and grains.
-an overwhelming desire to re-organzie the whole damn hosue top to bottom
All chickens are GO!
Fleiz Havidad = SO AWESOME!!!
This week has been long and intense!
The hard:
Doing the hard thing.
Several nights were I didn’t get to sleep until somewhere between about 3-5am, and the resulting tired, on top of the tired from three weeks of interrupted sleep.
Not doing nearly as much dance and yoga as normal owing to a combination of busy/tired/getting soaked to the skin.
Getting soaked to the skin walking around yesterday in torrential downpour.
Realising I have a limited tolerance for house guests. Seriously craving some alone writing and journalling time.
Possibly unsurprisingly, spending more money than I intended to this week, and resulting eekiness.
Getting fished and sugared in the same meal, although mercifully not in the same foodstuff.
Wearing the wrong shoes for an exhibition, and carrying the wrong handbag. Boo!
The good:
Letters from overseas!
Going up to London, hanging in the Tate Member’s Room + enjoying the amazing view over London, the Lichtenstein exhibition, and dinner at our favourite was-Chinese-is-now-Thai restaurant.
The good bits of my cousin visiting: making Bloody Marys, chatting, showing him around the town where he was born, visiting Shoreham airport and enjoying the jazz ages vibes and feeling like Poirot was about to appear at any second.
Kitty snuggles!
New dance and yoga routines and sequences. Fun!
Learning!
Reading the last three Mary Russell novels – love love love this series.
The crazy dreams have gradually tailed off since Doing The Hard Thing, and the last two nights I’ve also have 8+ of deliciously uniterrupted sleep.
What worked:
Not freaking out about the not-sleeping.
Dance, yoga, walking.
My friend’s Tate membership card – took all the hassle out of visiting an exhibition.
What I might do differently:
More time journalling and writing out thoughts before bed rather than leaving them buzzing, and buzzing, and buzzing around my brain.
Next time I got to an exhibtion, wear different shoes!
Happy weekending chickeners!
Cheers, Chickeneers!
Oh. What. A. Week.
What Worked
– Compassing, breathing, looking ahead and staying organized
– keeping my bedtime as regular as possible
– not fighting the constraints that exist, flowing where possible and just changing direction when a constraint was hit
– perfect outfit choices
What I Might Try
– buying groceries in advance
Things I Found Challenging
– preparing being at the same meeting as a Person Who Behaved Really Horribly To Me the last time we met (in 2010)
– tight scheduling
– all the context switching that the week required
Things That Yay!
– staying at the University Club in DC (eating all meals on REAL silver no less)
– the Person at the meeting only attended part of the cocktail reception and left early and didn’t attend the next day’s meeting so we really didn’t have any interaction
– perfect outfit choices
– receiving an award at work from my university’s President and Provost
Superpowers
– remembering All is Calm and All is Bright and All Timing is the Right Timing
Superpowers for this week
– Not All Opportunities are Mine
So much resonance for — and ideas sparking from — this Chicken. Silent retreat for now on all of it EXCEPT that:
I’ve been so conscious of interacting with Time lately and sort of thought I recalled there being something Fluent Self out there about Time (aside from Floop resources) and now, here in this Chicken, there is a LINK. Yay for the Link! And for the Call on Time, which I’d known about but forgot about. At the time the Call on Time took place, it wasn’t the right time for me, but now it is. So Yay for that!
Hello Chickens!
What. A. Week.
The Hard:
– Exhaustion from too much social (even though too much social is actually only two ‘socials’)
– Not enough sleeping to counteract exhaustion
– Massive shoe (more like a boot) thrown from an unexpected direction
– Sudden cat emergency
– Having to miss a much-anticipated event due to sudden cat emergency
The Good:
– Lots of work
– Having the courage to sign up for a desired programme despite not quite having the finances in place
– Conducting! Much needed …
– Sudden cat emergency turning out not to be as serious as initially thought
– Lie-in to catch up on not enough sleep and recover from sudden cat emergency
– Deflecting shoe gracefully and remembering that people vary
Next Time I Might:
– Take Havi’s lead with a two-hour nap every single day.
Have a good week, everyone!
@Jane. Shoreham Airport was once my nephew’s favourite place for outings! Very Poirot, as you say. 🙂
So much sweetness in this week’s chicken! I feel infused with delight just reading it. Yay crocuses! Yay Haviday and Havidad! And major upswing in general life contentment? YAY YAY YAY!!!
¡Feliz Havidad! Genius!
The Good:
A day of sunshine.
Time at the bookstore.
Visit from Mom and C
MrB’s generous heart.
Supplements
The drops that B gave me
Good books
My helping people
The great send-off
The Hard:
MrB and I are on completely different sleep schedules
Damp chilly gray days
A couple of health-related things for MrB
The thing that we paid mucho money to get fixed but it isn’t fixed after all
¡Feliz Havidad! Yay!
And, Growlsome! Yay!
The hard:
– Avoiding a monster who is not talking. That is, I am avoiding a desired discussion as well as avoiding talking with the relevant monster about it. Sorry, monster, I will try to do better.
The good:
– Spring is coming! Added green colors to my Compass of Spring Qualities; and to remember them, a set of visual devices. (For example, for South-Awareness-lime, a beautiful lime with an eye; for Northeast-Attention-grass, a robin peering at something in a grassy yard; for East-Welcome-mint, a sprig in a mint julep – yum.)
Happy chickens to all!
Feliz Havidad! I am so glad to hear that you are filled with much higher concentrations of life contentenment than last year, I have been experiencing that too 🙂
The Hard:
-Right now I am at the library using their computer, and I’m really angry because I can’t access my Coursera classes on here, which I’ve been looking forward to doing for weeks. Grrrr!
-Also, this is setting off my stuff about just how long I’ve been without reliable/full Internet access.
-A half-hour doctor’s visit turned into an hour-and-a-half thing with a lot of my least favorite things, including walking through a dental office, being behind, waiting, being told what to eat/not eat unsolicited, and a 15-min long, both-arm search for a vein that would cooperate and give one vial of blood. Oh, and I’m paying for this service! lol.
-Feeling clumsy, I broke something of my dad’s and chose to spend $20 to replace it, which is not a small amount of $ for me right now
-Miscommunications, particularly on the phone
-Cell phone charging issues
-I worked 6.5 hours rather than 3.5 hours 4 out of 5 days this week, which means less downtime, more things to remember throughout the day, and waaay too much time on my feet.
-Dissappearing stone.
-[silent retreat that resolved itself but was still hard]
-Several things that would have been good/enjoyable/made things a little easier were inaccessible this week, because, at least partly, of my disorganization. Judgement judgment judgment.
-Not as prepared for extended work hours as I would have liked.
-Awkward moments. You’d think that I’d be used to them by now because I have so many of them. But sometimes they still really suck.
The Good:
+Delight and anticipation about my Saturday night plans, and about the first Y.E.A.R Book
+A crazy healing massage on Friday
+Working more means more money!
+It feels like all the lessons I’ve been learning over the past 2 years or so are really becoming noticable. I’ve changed in at least 13 ways already in 2013, and yet at the same time I’ve become more myself.
+Conducting feels awesome, and continues to be outrageously effective.
+Two people gave me compliments this week, totally unprompted.
+I got to play a lot, with play dough, with green paint, and with colored pencils.
+Visiting the comic book store and being social
+I went on a secret mission! It was awesome!
+Last weekend I went on a road trip, and bought new clothes, and ate Vietnamese food. Best day ever!
+This is the happiest I can remember being in late winter/early spring in a long time.
Clucking in…
What worked?
* Sharpie + calendar
* Simpler meals
What might I try next?
* Setting up an easier-to-access lounge for monsters to wait their turn. I.e., something within a few feet of likely monster tantrum spots, not three terminals and a bus ride away.
* Using my heating pad
Challenging:
* hard truths are hard. And so are the transitions they make necessary.
* bracing myself for shoes. Exhausting and not entirely effective.
Delightful:
* Shabbat
* rode the bike five days in a row
* found my way back (sans map or GPS!) each time I got lost
* on the sixth day, I hiked around a lake and saw over a dozen deer
* excellent news from several colleagues
Superpowers I had: enjoying math and sensing transcription errors. (All a normal week’s work for me, but I have been reminded that these are not ordinary skills.)
A superpower I want next week: to unclench. To shrug off shoes and brush away other sticky, smacky things as easily as I would stray pine needles.
Warm wishes to all y’all.
the hard: stories-from-then showing up a LOT and lots of rememberings of when I believed in things that aren’t true and getting lost in them
the good: not only did i figure out how to solve everything forever, I am not impressed by my having figured it out because duh
This week! I cut 11,000 words. I got a Bead on the rest, despite glutenification. When I had energy, I used it well.
Hmm. Okay. Hey there, week, care for a quick cuppa with me before you slip away completely?
What worked? Hmmmmm. Don’t remember. Going with the flow, perhaps. Yes, I’m fairly sure of that.
Next time… I’d like to spend more time conducting. Yes, even more. I really like this.
Hard/Good: The Wizard had a really promising phone interview, and has an in-person interview scheduled for the middle of next week. Nothing is certain, but it seems very possible that he is going to get a job offer out of this. Which is wonderful and exciting and a huge relief, but on the other hand, oh crap, it’s (maybe) about to get real. Moving. Uprooting. Yipe.
Superpowers! This week: Sparkling in all directions. Next week: Lightening. Lightening up. Lightening up my life.
Naps every day! WOW! 1,000,000 sparklepoints!
Also, I looove the superpower of Yay regrets! I would like to try to invoke that soon!
I’m going to silent retreat the Chicken this week, because instead I’m hanging out with an actual Chicken! This is both a proxy and not a proxy. Yay for that.
Sending Havi all the secret flowers for lots of post-birthday blooming! Wishing everybody else lots of feathery superpowers and clucking congruence! Happy Chicken, all.
Claiming Chicken amnesty!
The Hard:
Silent retreating because it doesn’t need repeating.
The Good:
5 mile walk with a friend today.
Lamb stew simmering.
Meeting in the city tomorrow with people who have the maps. And the coins.
Sunday chores being done.
Remembering options.
¡Naps every day! I am watching and learning.
¿Acting normal? When my monsters start in about acting normal, I like to say: HEY MONSTERS WHO’S ACTING?! This is normal, by definition.
It can work 🙂
Chickening in my blanket fort this week. Silent retreat (listener treat!)
thanks havi…for the yay regrets, and the compass