Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
You guys, you guys, you guys!
TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY CHICKENS!
So many chickens.
If you had told me two hundred and fifty weeks ago that this ritual was still going to be going five years later, I would have been kind of terrified, I think.
Anyway, an extra happy chickening to us.
What worked?
Committing to the sankalpa.
I brought an intention with me to [undisclosed location], and I am letting that intention be my guide.
Wearing it like a costume.
Playing with it in all the different ways.
Taking it into bed and into the shower, to my meals and to the water. I walk with it. I hold it .
It walks with me. It holds me.
Next time I might…
Oh god. I’m not sure, but it has to do with transitions..
This week involves many, many transitions.
Leaving place one to get to place two to arrive at place three.
Last time was direct. This time is complex.
I am invoking the superpower of Succinctness, and hoping
The hard.
- The reason that I am here. I mean, the other reason.
- Doubting myself.
- I went to pull the last rabbit from the last hat, and there was no rabbit. I’m not even sure it was my hat.
- The one thing I wasn’t worried about because THAT ONE THING was going to be fine while everything else fell apart was not fine at all.
- So much grief. Who even knew it was possible to experience so much grief.
- Big big pain from THEN. I knew I still had some work to do with this, but oh wow. I am into new territory.
- Last year was the year of all the barns burning, and I had to learn to watch and let them burn. This year is the year of broken pots. Which sounds easier, but somehow it hurts more.
- Transitions.
- The Sweet Reconfiguration.
- Unknowns.
- Longing.
- Sadness for past-me, who went through so much and didn’t have anyone to turn to.
- Knowing that my time away is going to end sooner than I think.
The good.
- I solved all the mysteries, by remembering something important. Well, it didn’t solve them so much as explain why everything is so hard right now. But
- Remembering.
- I am here to smile at the broken pots.
- This is the next level of the video game. Of course I don’t like it, but when I’m done, I’ll know how to smile at the broken pots.
- Horizon.
- Water.
- Body.
- Choosing rest.
- Glowing.
- Truth and quiet and presence, and the relationship between them.
- I am at the VICARAGE. Vicarage II: Electric Boogaloo. Thanks @vicarpac, the original Vicar, for that.
- My normal silence is extra silent, and I need that.
- Being Lady Bond.
- Trusting the treasures. Being present and more present.
- Getting to see people I adore.
- Freedom and spaciousness. Pleasure and grace
Superpowers!
Superpowers I had this week…
The superpower of resting into what I want instead of fighting for it.
And a superpower I want next week.
Knowing that everything is happening under the surface, and all that is needed from me is to rest and keep resting. Also: finding rest in unusual ways or places.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band:
The Way Of Mornings.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
I will recommend the thing I use most while turning inward: the monster coloring book and manual.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Follow
Happy 250th Chicken, Sweet Havi! So much giving! being! showing! All the <3 <3 LOVE <3 <3 for you.
What worked?
-Respecting the Scientists
-Play
-Jumping in
-Rest
-Asking for help
Next time I might:
-Do the notes right away
-Not go to the grocery store hungry. That's already in the Book of Me.
-Consult the Book of Me more often
Right now I am:
-Looking forward to the whole weekend of rest in June!
-Grateful for gig & its peeps
-Thinking about tomorrow's PIE!
-Maintaining sovereignty on [silent retreat]
Hard:
-The Science
-There is never enough rest
-Letting the notes-peeps down
Good:
-The commute
-My dogs
-Progress, process, and clearing
-Puzzle pieces jumping into place
-BUTTMONSTER COLORING BOOK!!! WOOT!!!
Happy 250 Chickens to you, Havi, and to us all!
I got curious and went hunting to see when my first chickening occurred. Turns out it was May 29, the “Off to points either north or south” edition, #43. I find the number especially interesting, because I know that the first blog post I ever read here was entitled “42.” Okay, maybe that’s only especially interesting to me. 🙂
Anyway, wow! Friday!
What worked? Compassing. It helps when I’m sad, it helps when I’m scared, it helps when I have trouble sleeping.
Next time… I want to try consciously returning to my body when I feel scattered and strange.
Hard: I found myself spiraling back to some old, familiar, insecure patterns. I know Now Is Not Then, but still…old griefs, fresh tears. Sigh.
Good: So many things!
–I got to see my daughter sing in her school choral concert. She had a solo, too!
–I got to see a May Day parade, with old-fashioned bicycles, and Morris Dancers, and a Green Man, and Maypole with ribbons and flowers, and some very satisfied dogs who also had ribbons and flowers of their own!
–Tasty foods.
–Beautiful and comfortable new clothes.
–Singing and playing.
–Writing and doodling.
–A thing that has been hovering and hanging over my head seems to have suddenly resolved itself, simply and straightforwardly, with ease and gentleness.
Superpowers! This week: The superpower of blundering bravely forward. Next week: The superpower of owning my space, and carrying it with me wherever I go.
Lighting a pink candle, and gazing into its golden flame…
Congratulations, Chickens! Hello Lady Bond! Vicarage II: Electric Boogaloo, oh my goodness that sounds incredible.
My chicken: what worked?
Hammock!
Insisting on beauty
Overworking for beauty, to get that final result (new gorgeous outdoor space with flowers and cushions and glow lights)
Help: the handyman
Congruencing the kitchen
Investing and doing a ton of super focused work now to set it up for Future Me
Radio in the car
Good shoes, finally: most ballet flats are the devil, I knew this and forgot
Safety first: four heavy mats on the slippery walkway, ordered lights
What I would do differently:
Local version of Jen ASAP
Silent retreat around x at all time
The hard:
Ugh, the thing that I can’t control
Schlepping
Adrenal response, overwork
The good:
Beautiful beautiful outdoor space!
Provisions galore
Setup for next creative phase
Umbrella structure for autumn and beyond, seedling form
Clues: Rosalita, Chuck
Superpower I had: ferocious congruencing
Superpowers I want: completion, hammock, new dimension safety, perfect timing, balanced energy
Hello friends and cluck! Been a while but I have been reading everything and taking it on. Red lights and pausing and everything.
Such a huge enormous hard: my mom died 2 weeks ago. everything else that followed was touched by that: emergency trips to Miami, etc etc. Still hard, stil grieving.
other hards:
-the kids are very sad
-the ridiculous airfare i had to purchase, 2700 bucks worth, ouch
-last week, every bit of it
-all the old patterns are Up in My Grill Yo.
the soothing balm:
-husband was super-sweet when i got home
-went to coven the day I got home, that was wonderful was cared for and my kids got very well fed too
-unexpected suport
-spring is here. it takes it’s sweet time about it, but it is spring
-feeling perfectly okay about not completing Mapmaking. i love the skills and the benefits, but i HATE going, the hard chairs and the late nights. delighted to be done, determined to work thru the tech on my own
-felt completely empowered to tell FIL to stop smoking cigarettes in my fucking house. he is making abig deal about trying to quit, and of course if the weather is “bad” (cold, snowy, rainy, or it’s night) he goes on smoking in the house. but he cannot imagine it’s okay with me anymore
-there really is a moment when you start deciding, that is not worth my time or energy. have been finding that place, and being okay with making that call.
-shutting down and descending into grief is much easier than pretending its not there
Next time: more conducting, compassing, humming. More movement for sure. lots more quiet time in the Treehouse making plans, journaling and processing my process.
White roses today, and the lil weedy things that are poppign up.
Chickening an eventful week:
MrB in hospital, then released; good days followed by bad days followed by good days. He is in good spirits but has a lot of random pain.
Staying with my friends instead of home alone was the right thing to do while MrB was in the hospital.
Visiting my mom; it took five people to get him up the steps into her house.
Mom in good spirits and more active than she has been but not as strong as she was.
Death in the family; we got the call while visiting Mom and had to tell her about her sister. My sister-in-law and son took the news harder than Mom or I did.
Serious illness of a friend and I haven’t been able to go see her and her family.
Needing to do things and forgetting them even though they are written down and many of them are obvious.
Good checkup at the dentist.
Weird sleep pattern and my pain management not working as well as it used to plus the insurance being stubborn.
My sibs are such great people.
Giving gifts that people liked and wanted and appreciated. Mel playing with his.
Four classes now, all going well. Students who really apply themselves to learn the material. Being able to adjust the lesson plan to accommodate their learning styles and extra material that they bring.
Bright colored clothing for gloomy days.
Super Power of the Week: Using available resources.
Super Power I want for next week: Remembering what needs to be remembered and doing what needs to be done.
Halloooo Friday!
The Hard:
Wanting something very much.
The Good:
Wanting something very much.
Hyperbole and a Half if blogging again. And saying just the right thing in the perfect way.
The flowers! And trees!
The taxes are done. And they are so not as scary as the monsters were making them out to be.
Some new clients. The most perfect new clients. The kind that if I had 3 times as many or 4 times as many I could actually stay in business. But I don’t. So I can’t.
New job postings appearing, things that seem perfect.
Spending time with friends I love, without the drama. Just the friendship.
I don’t think there has ever been a more beautiful day than today.
Spring clothes! They make everything better.
Happy 250th! It makes me smile to that of that many chickens. Thanks, Havi.
What’s working for me this week is the first Y.E.A.R. booklet. I am loving it so much.
It reminds me of this one time when all I had to read in English was an out-of-date copy of the Times Book Review. The cover review was on Italo Calvino’s “If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler…” I must have read that review a dozen times, and when I wasn’t reading it I was hugging it. It sounds absurd, doesn’t it? I treasured it, though, and how I felt reading it. Like I had – you know – a treasure.
That is how I feel about the Y.E.A.R. book. A treasure. Thank you for that.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Max, I LOVE “If on a winter’s night a traveler…” so brilliant, thanks for reminding me.
(i welcome hugs and pets and kind words today, btw, forgot to mention that)
Happy 250 chickens from a long-time chicken lurker. As is my wont, I will join in years after everybody else got on the boat. 🙂
The hard:
All around: Chaos. Feeling scattered.
A confrontation and disillusionment.
A really intense experience of almost-and-then-loss, followed by a lot of loud opinions from the Should monsters.
SO. Many. Work. Emails. ‘Tis the season, but it always catches me off-guard.
Watching close friends go through an incredibly hard time, and wishing with all my heart that I had a magic wand.
The good:
A meeting that could have lasted 4 hours only took 2! And felt pretty painless!
My coder is THE BEST EVER.
My staff in general are The Coolest.
I accomplished a bunch of big ops.
Singing to Stompopolis.
Phone dates with old friends.
The MOST beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon with the MOST empathetic and delightful friend.
Agent A and the SE Mission! She helped me remember the magic of “not my bus”, on a grand scale: Not My House. And we may not know why, exactly, but we do know it.
Um, HUGE HUGE progress on Operation Move To PDX. A few more weeks of fingers crossed, but it might actually work out. I am feeling hopeful, which is, you know, astounding.
We made it, friends. Shabbat shalom.
250! Eeee!! 250!!! *whirls in sparkly confetti*
What worked? Revising the schedule. Leaving and increasing the space in it. Permission slips galore.
Next time I might: install a Mother’s Day filter on my various e-mail accounts. Because the incessant marketing, UGH. Come to think of it, I will consider setting up Father’s Day filters next week. (The trick will be coming up with parameters that don’t filter out friends talking about their parents or children and/or those holidays — I’m cool with that, it’s just that the ads push my buttons in a bad way.)
Alternatively, I could come up with a mental equivalent of those filters. I did it with something else I wasn’t happy about, so I know it’s possible…
@Leni: *hugs and pets and strength*
Hard:
* a friend died today
* friends dealing with underfunded agencies
* the shouldas vs. the wannas vs. the iguanas
Good:
* finished commission = delighted customer
* another commission very close to done
* a very happy birthday
* getting useful info from an interview
* the new yoga studio in my ‘hood may be a good fit for me
* seeing lots of deer and snails on the trail today
Superpower this week: appreciating names
Superpower next week: picking winners
Wishing you all a wonderful week. Shabbat shalom.
Clucky cluck cluck to you, clucky cluck cluck to you, clucky cluck cluck dear Chicken, clucky cluck cluck to you……
Yay ritual and tradition. May there be five thousand years of chicken.
The last few days I feel like I’ve woken up from a fog, an energetic haze like my last few weeks of pregnancy, just in a holding pattern, not doing too much, spending a lot of time just…. I have no idea I can’t remember my brain was just that foggy. Let’s try and remember the week that was…
Things I resisted welcoming, but were there anyway
– housework and feeding is STILL relentless. STILL. (Why do I fight this? Oh wow, what a good question/door to some really useful information about myself!)
– money is tight
– I don’t know when/how I can commence my studies. The best educational option is full-fee. The study-loan options I’ve found require a full-time enrolment. Ack.
– my desk is still a pile of chaos, five months after moving in. My car is still not bought. My housework and cooking systems are still not in place. Even though I have allies and money and assistance lined up to make these things happen. Hello Stuff! (Oh riiiiigghhtt…. time for some procrastination dissolving. You see how my stuff hides these INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS ways out from me until I sit down and chicken? Remarkable)
– Wonderbaby must be about to pop a lot of teeth. Fever and cranky and BITING MY SHOULDER and nappy rash. Also she is practicing her walking diligently but having a lot of tumbles. On Wednesday she bashed her forehead really hard on the edge of the open wardrobe door and got a big egg/bruise, and now the fluid is seeping down around her eye and making it all swollen and tender too. I am glad I am not a toddler. It must be tough.
– Little Lad has his ears done (grommets) a couple of weeks ago and all the sound is getting in now and he retreats to his daydreamy, private world a lot more in the evenings.
– I find this frustrating. I find a lot of his coping behaviours frustrating. Also I am ashamed of this and sad as well.
– there’s a fraction too much friction yeeeah (oh yeah!). Also buttloads of stuff being projected onto me and it spoils what would otherwise be a sweet, charming, funny experience for me. Bah! Why like this??
Things I welcomed with ease and delight
+ Heidi and Seek reopened! <3 my friend Hayley! Very proud of her and piiiiiining for the incredibly beautiful peacock feather top…. http://www.etsy.com/shop/heidiandseek
+ first steps into make real, live, face-to-face friends and a couple of cool projects to be a part of. Yay! (Including helping with the sensory garden at Little Lad's school, I knew I wanted to do that when I noticed nettles had self-sown in the Touch section of the garden… Very sensory and educational!)
+ friends, floop, even fakebook. I have so many self-fluent friends and groups on fakebook that it is remarkably free of 24-hr-Exhibitions-Of-The-Self and full of renegade, sacred connections. Take THAT ubiquitous blue banner and also fakebook haters!
+ moments of accidental genius
+ Little Lad and Wonderbaby are doing well
+ I woke up from the fog! There are lists! There will be movement.
Baby is crying, so the rest will be summarised with
+ everything. Everything is good, really it is. Even the uncomfortable stuff. Hello edges-getting-chafed, I like how you show me the shape of me.
xooxoxoxox
For she's a jolly good chicken…
Happy 250th Chicken, happy Vicarage II, happy silent retreat!
The Hard:
• Our Man in Manitou’s pain, fear and regret triggered my stuff, which resulted in all the Ludicrous Fear Popcorn in the world, followed by buckets of tears in the shower.
• Side effects. Ow.
• Dread. (Does it have dreadlocks? Hmm.)
• Hormones giving me skin like a 14-year-old. Again. Triggering my recurring desire to walk through life either completely invisible, or with a bag over my head. Internal monologue screaming Don’t look at me! on repeat.
• Deadlines, rapid-turnarounds, not enough time, not enough time.
• Being in a position of having to explain what I do (which is bad enough), to someone who really didn’t understand, even after the explanation (which is worse). Having to explain again and again. Ugh.
The Good:
• All that explaining got through in the end, and I ended up getting exactly what I wanted out of the deal. Silver lining.
• My friends are full of surprises, in the best way.
• Laughter. So much laughter.
• Unexpectedly getting to call the shots on something that affects my career. All the shots. People being vocally pleased by my calling the shots.
• Nutella-banana malt. A revelation.
• Despite said malt, my pants are now too big. Yay!
• Ocean + Mountain + Blue Sky + a Carpet of White Asters. All the asters in the world, right at my feet!
• Impromptu game of Fetch on the beach with an anonymous black retriever. We were both grinning from ear to ear.
• Perhaps the best afternoon I’ve had since moving to the Pacific NW: a very kind kindred spirit took me on a personalized tour of a very Seekrit Hideaway (that is accessible only for people in the know, who possess the Seekrit Code) that I’ve been wanting to visit since I moved here. He showed me everything, at my pace, so that I could make preliminary sketches for a piece of art I’m going to make. Then he told me he was more excited about the prospect of my coming there and making said artwork than I could ever be. And then he told some fellow residents of the Seekrit Hideaway that I was there to make art, and they got all excited, too. One of the sweetest and most fruitful interactions I’ve had in many years. And now I’m in on the Seekrit! And can come back whenever I want! Yay!!
Superpowers I had this week: the power of Being in the Know. The power of Finding the Key.
Superpowers I’d like next week: Invisibility. Under the Radar.
P.S. Just realized that my visit to the Seekrit (Pirate! Nautical! This is not a proxy!) Hideaway came as a direct result of a Very Personal Ad. The Art of the Ask is *precisely* how this happened. Thank you, Havi!
Yay and imaginary champagne for 250 chickens! 5 years chickens of which I have been chickening regularly for 3 1/2 of them?! Doesn’t seem that long.
Anyway, looking forward to chickening now after a mini-break.
The hard
Sad + shocking news.
Technical support that was anything but supportive. Answer the question I’m actually asking, not the one that would be convenient for you!
The good
My new blog project about walking + exploring in the area where I live is up. Yay! Blogging for sheer fun for the first time in years. Feels good.
Cats being super adorable.
Ate the best risotto I’ve ever had.
Making fun plans for the next few weeks.
Walking along the downs in beautiful sunshine.
Visiting some of the artist’s open houses/studios in Brighton and finding the most gorgeous aluminium cuff.
Visiting my favourite tea-shop and discovering a delicious new tea.
Dance and yoga, and doing a new intense cardio/dance workout.
What worked:
Permission!
Lists.
What I might try differently:
Actually, not much.
🙂