Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I am at the Vicarage, retreating into even more silence than I normally play with, and channeling the superpowers of Succinctness and Sweet Grounded Blissful Steadiness.
What worked?
Trust, trust and more trust.
This is right.
What about this? Yes, also right.
What if I drop everything and let a nap take me? This is very right!
What if I’m not sure if this is the right choice? This moment of hesitation is also right.
What if I can’t remember that this is true? Yes, this is fine.
I can’t screw this up if I meet myself with kindness. And if I can’t meet myself with kindness, this will somehow turn out okay too.
Next time I might…
Name the wells.
And just keep repeating them until I remember.
The hard.
- This is the kind of mission where I am very in touch with HQ, but not in touch with anyone else. It is hard.
- Wanting to touch base.
- Not wanting to touch base.
- Worrying about things beyond my control.
- Listening for miracles.
- Too many choices.
The good.
- Silence.
- Water.
- Horizon.
- Spaciousness.
- Naps as Portalbridges to Healing..
- Everything can be a portalbridge to anything..
- Remembering why I’m here…
- Sweet stillness.
- The compass.
- Listening to Incoming Me.
- This is right.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of pausing to enter everything with extra power.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of Integration. Taking all of the superpowers home with me. Feeling at home in succinctness.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band by way of my brother. They’re called:
Gravestone Veto Power
He says: “Isn’t that a Scottish glam-metal band? But really it’s just one wee laddeh.”
INDEED.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
This week was all about the emergency calming the hell down for me. I live by this stuff. <3
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
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Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
What worked?
-Asking more questions
-The 16-point compass
-Putting things on my calendar
-Going to bed earlier
Next time I might try to plug more things into the calendar. Monsters say planning is constrictive, but research is showing that it allows the spaces to be more visible.
The hard
-Gig peeps being sick – and coming to work sneezing and coughing all over the place. Putting their germy fingers on the door combination buttons, doorknobs, fridge handle….yuck.
-Monsters of Doom warning me I’m next
-Saying something I shouldn’t have said, and I should have known better
The good
-One of 2 projects – done!
-More rest
-All the compass points especially:
-Boldly owning unwavering responsibility
-Cleanly balancing harmonious division
Superpower: Clarity
mrrrr.
Just one wee laddeh! Och! Lovely.
What worked? Touch. Slowing down and touching things. It’s one of the most calming and centering things I do for myself.
Next time… When I am handed the remote control, perhaps I will use that power to turn the television off, and do something else instead. Let some quiet in, and see what happens.
Hard stuff:
–The Samurai is depressed. Oh, Samurai. I wish I could magically take all the pain away.
–That thing! It happened again! And now I’m having a zombie day.
–The Wizard was hard to reach by phone this week, and it was a week when I really would have appreciated the comfort of long talks with him. Even over the phone, which is not my favorite way to communicate.
–Oh, and that other thing happened, too! Which means yesterday was a zombie day, which means that today is a double-zombie day! Crap.
–I tried confiding my troubles in someone at a time and place that was less than ideal, and now I kind of wish I hadn’t.
Good stuff:
–Kindness and support from friends online.
–I am loved, I am loved, I am loved.
–Gleeful singing, with clients, with my daughter, with myself.
–I am madly in love with my journal.
–I learned of a new local open mic that happens twice a month! And I just may give that a try tonight, if I don’t feel like too much of a zombie. Or I may go just to listen, and to get the lay of the land, secret agent style.
Superpowers!
–This week: self-trust, even in the midst of flying shoes. Actually, that is huge.
–Next week: I am a river.
What worked?
Wearing the cloak. Taking my time.
What might be next?
Devising or finding new containers for the bathroom? I mistook sunscreen for lip balm last night (yuck) and exfoliator for sunscreen this morning (oy).
Hard:
Shoulder acting up.
Weight back up.
Bitey bugs.
Best-for-me plan re [y] not clear to me yet.
Feeling ill when I read/hear the news.
Good:
Fleurs de mai!
Budget formula doing its job.
One confirmation, one new sale, two prelim acceptances.
Working with excellent editors.
Standing bow pose: when I manage it, wow does it feel good.
BIG iguana out the door; progress on the next.
More cards and presents (hats! I’m getting hats! *glee*)
Superpowahs in da haus: Math chops. And my formidable memory.
For next week? Calling on the superpower of fitting things into the time/space that is theirs.
Wishing you all the best with your missions. Shabbat shalom.
Boujour poulets de Mai! Allons!
the suck:
-moving thru the Vaseline of Grief, foggy and so many things not happening
-the so many things are NOT getting done MOnsters
-the laundry wall, the endless cycle of dishes. no one wipes counters but me. this is very much botheing me
-having to go to work today, and hving a really pissy attitude about it, but also especilaly not having a place a sit and work grr
-losing my friday, or at least really feeling like it
-abandoning all my best practices for the past few weeks. so not good.
-oy my freaking kids. the hard does not relent there
the sparkle:
-brain fog clearing enough to see Next Steps
-the spring! wow!
-lil yummy things
I named this month the Moon of Stillness and Comfort, and that’s been hard to find. But it gives me an idea of what I need next:
-lots of White Flower time: stillness, silence, sitting on the mat, brahmari, conducting, compassing
-renew my Exiting the Day ritual
-drinking more water
-going to the Treehouse, being there
Chickening (on a Friday? This never happens!) Let’s do this:
The hard:
– Oh, so much pain. Pain from now, pain from then, pain from the future that might one day be mine, all swirled together in one vortex of ow-f**kity-ow.
– Feeling sad and overwhelmed and frustrated by this, and then feeling sad about feeling sad, and then having to spend more time on the couch anyway.
– Caged otters are restless otters. All the ideas and no energy to do them with!
– Playing the world’s smallest violin (nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms – sing it with me!)
– Everyone else’s grief pooling in the house.
– The biggest miscommunication which resulted in someone I love throwing shoes while I was collapsed in the middle of the kitchen floor.
– Dreading work
– M is super-stressed about his business, but isn’t my problem to solve
The good:
– Naming the pain(s)! This pain is because of the anaesthetic, that pain is from X injury from a billion years ago, this pain is because of muscle cramping. It was easier to handle and not panic when I did this.
– Pattern recognition, as in “This is me avoiding human contact in unhealthy ways,” “This is me about to push too hard and re-injure myself.” Very helpful.
– The days on the couch paid off. I am up and walking and very nearly human again.
– The biggest miscommunication (movie title anyone?) resulted in an important breakthrough in that relationship, and hugs all around.
– The house is clean!! Energy brighter, surfaces glowing. I feel so much better inhabiting this space.
– Writing a blog post from a deep place, and having people receive it with thoughtfulness and enthusiasm. (thoughthiasm?)
– Planting the seed.
Superpower I had this week:
Hibernation. It does wondrous things.
Superpower I would like to invoke for next week:
Turtle steps.
Hugs to Chickeners and lurkers alike. 🙂
Happy Friday!
What Worked?
Not really sure, but it works to accept the reality I have led myself to and find myself in that has factors beyond myself as well.
Getting things done.
The Hard –
Severe springtime blues.
Being yet another remove from home (that is no more.)
Separation from the familiar.
Having to endure.
Not having my own space (staying with mom.)
The Good –
Small miracles.
Kindnesses from people I’ve never met before.
Adventures in the unfamiliar I’ve lined up.
Still being able to help someone out when I’m not well.
Closer to getting the treatment I’ve thought I’ve needed for three years every spring.
Yoga practice for small pockets of peace and relief.
Non-resistance.
The use of new skills that have been hard won on the spiritual and ego front.
——————————
Superpower needed this coming week:
Persistence in holding on and letting go.
Hard:
Pain.
Drama.
Worry.
Chaos and confusion.
Heat pump not working; two-week wait for service call.
Having to deal with things that AREN’T MY JOB!
Physically carrying burdens that are too heavy for me.
Feeling responsible.
Not being able to make things better.
Good:
Massage.
The Butler.
The internet and the Floop.
Escaping to the 15th C.
My sis.
This weekend: Soak my feet in cold water. Audio books. Box fans.
Next week: I will call upon an Assistant of Extreme Awesomeness, Linda the Office Nurse, and Laird’s Research Assistant.
The AES wants a new blazer; it’s too hot for the beige wool. Linda wants her hair up. Laird’s Research Assistant wants beer at the end of her task.
Cluck
Something that worked: turning rage into power.
Maybe next time I’ll: pooblish when I’m calm. Maybe. One of these days. Ack.
Things I resisted welcoming, but were there anyway.
– the whole single parenting thing. Sometimes a week seems really long and intense.
– growing baby means her growing appetite means growing energy demand on my body means me eating my weight in food several days this week and not really having time or energy to do much else besides what my body does all by itself, and the way this leaves my brain/ego (so intertwined) feeling like I ‘should’ be doing more which leads to feeling frustrated. Which is stoopid because making a person out of one’s own cells is actually pretty alchemical and magic and productive so stfu monsters. Ack.
– hahahaha. yeah. Channelling the money flows didn’t really happen very consciously. Still. Again. As usual. O Stuff.
– presumptions that old patterns still apply. Whisky Tango Foxtrot.
Things I welcomed with ease and delight
+ Agent R sharing Whisky Tango Foxtrot and other versions of this meme. Love it.
+ All my friends. Seriously, I could fill a mansion. Oh man. So grateful.
+ The revolution is still happening. There is still plenty of internalised patriarchal boolsheet inside but it is becoming plainer and more obviously boolsheet. Plus the little group of fellow revolutionaries is wonderful.
+ I’ve been lamenting lately how very very long it has been since I’ve been able to read fiction for pleasure very often. And then I figured out podcasts and audiobooks. Oh riiiiiigghht…. it’s 2011 now.
+ Agent C (that’s me-in-my-angency, geddit??) noted some important notes about my relationship with the river and fakebook that mean it’s not so much an addiction (yay) but a filler in the absence of more engaging missions. (See also: audiobooks).
+ I am physically stronger and have better endurance than I thought I did. Also nowadays I can tell the difference between intense sensation of the this-is-what-your-body-was-built-to-do-keep-going kind and pain of the stop-now-don’t-do-this kind.
+ Despite unconsciousness, money flows didn’t lead to discomfort of the actual no-flow kind, just the oh-no-what-have-I-done kind. Just one is better than both.
+ I like Little Lad’s new specialist. I think I will be able to talk to her and have her listen. In a world with so many pompous doctors this is so important to me.
+ I’ve taken a Vit D and a Vit B supplement many days in a row. This has NEVER happened before. Accountability Foxtrot Tango Whisky.
<3
Glowing love to everyone who chickens. xoxoxox
@Vicki, is history not a marvellous escape? A few weeks ago I spent quite some time in Tudor and Stuart England. <3
Oh, Chickens!
The Hard could go ON and ON this week. What Leni said about Oy my freaking kids? Yes. OY. Relentless.
Plus: mothers, stepchildren, mothers-in-law, sister-in-law’s in-laws, and other assorted taxing relations. Oy.
The Good: right now, there is a jumping spider on my desk. I am LOVING that jumping spider.
And I read Lissa Rankin’s book Mind Over Medicine. It was very helpful.
xo to all!