It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
What worked?
RGW.
This was my code for Refreshing Glass of Water. I know that it’s actually a glass of refreshing water, for everyone who likes to be precise (the water is refreshing, not the glass), and yet that’s the code.
RGW.
Every time I was about to attempt a Doing of some form, I would text Agent Em Dee and tell her how I was starting. RGW.
It helped. Both the texting my ally and the drinking of the water. Emptying and replenishing. It is the theme of my year, and this was a relatively low-key way to practice it.
RGW. RGW. RGW.
Clue of the day.
Each morning I also texted Agent Em Dee with a clue.
It was a silly thing. And also it helped. It is nice to have clues.
Joyful serendipity!
Last Friday I was dancing nightclub two step with a lovely older gentleman. The song ended, and he asked: Do you rumba?
I do not rumba. So I shook my head. He suggested that we try it anyway. My body somehow remembered how to do the basic, either from a ballroom taster class or from watching Strictly Ballroom way too many times, and I was able to more or less follow the rest. It was exhilarating.
Me, in my head: More rumba, please!
The next day two of my “hey, let’s dance something” classes turned out to be rumba classes. PERFECT.
Or on Wednesday I watched a video of someone teaching the Texas Tommy (a dance move) and thought, I want to do that. The next day at West Coast Swing, every single person I danced with did at least one Texas Tommy.
People were Texas Tommying all over the place. I don’t know where all these Texas Tommies have been, and all of a sudden it was one Texas Tommy after another, like they were on sale.
I am making a mental note to keep saying things like “more of this, please”, because, well, because I would like more of this please.
Next time I might…
Be generous with making space for [December].
I had zero ability to focus or concentrate this week*, for a wide variety of reasons, among them that this is the time for hibernation and I had piles of work that I wanted nothing to do with.
The more I fought with myself, the more it hurt.
I want to remember to say, “This makes sense, and it will be okay.”
Because ultimately it doesn’t matter why. Full moon. Scary news. Being about two seconds away from my period all week. Stress and deadlines. Perceived expectations. Recovery from Then. Residual trauma. Who knows.
There is always a reason, and it is legitimate. All the reasons. They are legitimate.
And this always happens in December and it always passes, and I am always okay.
A wise thing a dance teacher said this week.
Applicable to everything, so substitute life for “dance”….
“Surrender your mind, that is how you follow. You stop thinking about what is about to happen and you start feeling what is happening.”
That was Susan.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Seriously I could not focus to save my life. A breath for fogginess, and for trust in the path.
- Hard news, hard decisions, a lot of pain. A breath for this.
- Navigating situations with people you care about deeply and also don’t trust. A breath for staying connected to love and safety.
- Actually everything in my life is working except for in one area, and it’s just that this one area has such a massive impact that it is hard for me to remember the good. A breath for perspective.
- Everything is changing. Everything ends, dies, reconfigures. A breath for change.
- I really want some time off to do things that are not related to my company or the chocolate shop or Solving All The Problems. A breath for tightness easing.
- […] A breath for everything that is hard right now.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- Magical cafe date (Fake Beach Day on a Tuesday) with Danielle. A breath for pleasure and restfulness.
- Two surprise rumba classes! A breath for the delight of learning.
- I have so much information about what I want in my life. And oh right, everything in my life is working except for (super big thing that is a disaster), that’s a first, and it is pretty amazing. A breath for sweetness.
- Friends. Really good friends who are there for me in tough times. Also, I have plans to be with some of them on solstice, christmas and new years. My phone turned that into newt ears. A breath for support, laughter, treasure.
- A genius idea that is so genius that it scares me. A breath for possibility.
- Long baths. A breath for water making everything better.
- My sankalpa or aspiration/intention this week was Generously Receiving, and then Agents Mueller and White bonded (ha, spy pun) and ended the end of the Jazz Age for me, that is to say: they gave me an early birthday present and got me back in my morning dance class. A breath for generously receiving, and for the generous giving of two people who love me.
- I saw the new Fluent Self calendar and it is so breathtakingly beautiful that I actually cried happy, delighted tears. It is just right, and also a tiny sweet thing, so I will tell you about it soon. It is all salves! A breath for something surpassing your biggest hopes.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
Lots of ops.
Operation Solve For S, take II
Operation CINNAMON
Also, I finally rewrote the comment culture page, yay!
WHAM! BOOM!
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of knowing that the light at the end of the tunnel is there, and also that the tunnel is not a tunnel.
And, I am the PROPRIETRESS of a magical ballroom.
Superpowers I want.
Same as last three weeks: Everything Is Simple And Pleasurable.
And also: extreme focus. And unwavering faith. Whatever I am doing in this moment is right. And if I change it, that is also right.
Salve.
The salve of joyful serendipity.
All the connections, seen and felt. The thing you are drawn to is the thing that is suddenly here. Hints everywhere. It is slightly tingly. There might be mint in it somewhere.
It is especially good for bruises and sore muscles.
I also like to rub it into the soles of my feet when I go to bed and when I wake up.
If you are not a salve person (today or in general), you can have this in tea form, pill form, as a bath, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band via Richard.
Freaked Out By Figs
They are a trance polka band from Seattle. Though I hear it’s actually just one guy…
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow.
This involves, among other things, acquiring the skill of Gracefully Accepting Thanks.
And it is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing, particularly about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are, when things were actually the hardest.
If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)
And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. It all counts. ♡
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
I so need a chicken and a breath, as I sit at my desk in Christmas panic, which doesn’t actually exist.
The Good:
Ending this year on the highest and best note in so many years. So so grateful for science & its miracles.
Carving out an afternoon with a friend. Even if it will be at a mall. Because there will be wine. And a friend.
Letting go of things. Fake friendships and friendships that have reached their end(ships). Making room for all the right people.
Life.
The Curious:
Wanting to go on a yoga retreat but waiting too long to decide and then there is no room. Hmm, maybe that means spring time?
Cheers, Chickeneers!
(end)(ships) – beautiful!
“trance polka band” LOL
happy newt ears, indeed.
There’s a new Fluent Self calendar?! Can we buy them? I was looking sadly at my Stompopolis calendar yesterday, thinking that it’ll soon be time to replace it and not knowing what to replace it with. I’ll hold off if there’s a Fluent Self one coming soon … please say it shall be so!
There is! Coming soon… I will share pics. It is the best one yet, I think… <3
Showing up again because it’s what I know to do…
The hard:
– Losing my cool and feeling enraged. A breath for old mindsets that seem to consume me.
– Looking at the world with glass half-empty eyes. Man it hurts.
– Feeling numb way more than I’d like to.
The good!
+ We got a kitty cat! A breath for this precious little soul sharing our home with us. =^..^=
+ Moments of satisfaction from finding the just right gift for someone. A breath for ease.
+ Pizza night at our friend’s house and decorating her tree together. A breath for quality time and making good memories.
+ The lights on my own tree are like magic to my eyes. A breath for beautiful things.
+ Clomping around in the snow in my boots and making a wee snowman with pennies for eyes. A breath for spontaneous play.
+ A super yummy smelling Young Living oil blend from a friend = my happy salve! A breath for real rescue remedies.
+ Dinner party tonight for a friend’s birthday – and I don’t have to make anything! A breath for celebration and support.
Welcome kitty!!
Marley says thank you for loving him from afar! <3
That is the best description for a salve! Gratefully taking some of that and putting it on my sore muscles. And my feet, definitely! Joyful serendipity! I think I’ll write that on the mirror.
I am participating in the lack of focus trend, and ever so happy that there are only four sleeps and one work day to Aloha and family.
Somehow the magic of the chicken, even in abbreviated form, helps me direct my energy and attention towards what I really want in life. It is *brilliant* magic indeed.
Much love and trust to the chickeneers!
From the Comment Page – I can haz pebbles?!! I have no idea why this is funny. Maybe because I can go drop them into Claire’s Gwishing Gwell, or because I could skip them like stones, only they’re smaller, or maybe because the word pebbles sounds happy and funny.
The Good – The Two-Day Cold ended! And I realized that my tasks can be done piecemeal which could be peace and with food.
Miss Edna, the Permission Slip Lady, going to the front of the V and negotiating with The Monsters. She gave them The What-For (which between A Good Talking-to and The Riot Act) about how freaked I am at this time of the year because of them. She told them that I know that they are doing their job of keeping me safe. But she jabbed her quill pen at them, usually the feathered end, but sometimes the nib to emphasize her points. One of which was that 86% of the Generosity Deadlines are Internal.
Their eyes got big and they said, “OOOOooo.”
She suggested in a slightly-English accent that they might want to go on vacation until after the Big Generosity Deadline.
Also, I now have a Freaking Out Warning Flag system, like for storms. The white flag means I’m slightly freaked, the yellow is Freak Out warning and red is severe Freak Out in progress. Right now it’s just a sketch of the flag.
What was hard or mysterious?
The Wednesday Freak-out that preceded Miss Edna’s Taking Charge.
Ruminating on the Hearse in Rehearse and exits.
What worked?
The salve I made.
The Dude. I deeply appreciate him doing half of the Generosity Deadline shopping, helping me assemble the cards and handling the plumbing problem offstage. (Just realized that the abbreviation for Generosity Deadline often stands for swear words, hm, may be apt.)
Using the Super Power of No, I Don’t Need to do That Now (find a brown paper bag the size of the gift, then take it apart and re-create it in scrapbook paper) Or Maybe Ever!
Realizing that In comparing Now versus Then, I’ve had a much less anxious run up to Christmas, and have a lot more tools to use in the future.
Realizing that whatever I’m working on might not Happen Immediately. Sometimes, stuff will take a while to kick in.
What I will try in the future?
See if I can’t bring The Dude in on the planning have a load-sharing agreement in place.
Oh, yeah, and start earlier.
Cinnamon flowers, probably chrysanthemums, to all.
Mmmmm.
(sighing happily at thought of cinnamon mums)
Clucking in. Love for the chicken coop and all the chickeneers.
Hard shtuff…..
* last week of school, everyone really worn out, heat, light til late which means bedtime is later for my kidlets. Mounting piles of laundry and dishes. Energy levels not adequate for getting done what I’d like to get done in my house. All of us just being too tired for the schedule.
* money tightness.
* Little Lad’s ongoing ear infection blah. And he’s SO thin. I lose perspective and it scares me, how fragile he seems.
* marbles being lost. I’m sure of it.
* feeling anxious and approval-desiring/disapproval-fearing. Not sure what that’s about. Probably just because of tiredness.
* not enough dumplings. Why can’t I simply live on dumplings ALL THE TIME? I want dumplings RIGHT NOW. But I have none. This sucks, big time. You think this is a pissy little non-issue but it’s not. I’m being both literal and very very serious. I hate this situation. For me, this is a definite hard! Sadface Me.
exhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale.
Good shtuff!
+ last week of school! Non-schedule life! Six weeks! Summer! We are ready for this.
+ reconciling with the crazed choices I make sometimes. Well, with one crazed choice I made this year anyway. Hello treasure. Hello new definition of ‘completed’.
+ Little Lad has done immensely well this year. Thank you school, thank you funding, thank you Little Lad you courageous little life-loving soul. I love you so much.
+ Wonderbaby is a crack up. SHE is a delicious little dumpling.
+ my cousins and I have devised and divided up our Christmas menu, and it is going to be wonderful. Yay we are all grown ups! I have a feeling we are going to have a great time this year.
+ new concept of how I’m ‘making a difference’ has really bedded down! Hooray for perspective and humility. Both SO liberating.
+ babywishes and Kabir’s Song. Loving my tiny sweet thing and it’s long, gentle gestation.
+ giving myself permission, over and over and over. It works for me.
+ being useful and valued. These things mean a lot to me.
<3 cluck cluck
O Solstice Chicken!
I am here, and I am happy.
Sending love to all.
Difficult week, but with wonderful things. The First Line Breakthrough, The Sweet Farewell, The Great Younger B. And leaving the Rose City.
Another transition, another new identity. Trying to remember: Nothing is Wrong. Thrilled to apply some Joyful Serendipity. Maybe even in spritzer form.
Happy happy solstice for all the Wonderful Chickeneers!
Joyful Serendipity does sound like a perfume name.
Ooo, in a cut-glass bottle with a gold-tasselled satin-covered bulb spritzer!
Oh, Havi! Solidarity with “this happens every December.” YES.
Right now in my oven is a figless (first-time-ever figless) panforte. I’m a fig person from way back. Figs! Bring em. And yet: was freaked out by figs this year, and didn’t put them in the panforte.
Now I see it’s in the air. I’ve been listening to a trance polka band and not even knowing it.
Anyway, YAY for calendar!