It is Friday and we are here.
{a breath for Friday}
I am at the Vicarage, where I have removed myself from everything for two weeks so that I can get even quieter than I usually am. There is a richness of quiet that I crave right now, and this is the place where I can sink into silence.
And since I am currently engaged in this deeper-quiet, this Chicken will be an abbreviated one. I hope you can feel some of the quiet coming through, as well as the wonderful superpowers of quieting.
What worked this week?
Removing myself from everything.
I keep looking at this sentence and shaking my head at the wisdom of what I did for myself.
Next time I might…
Do this sooner.
The plan to run away to the Vicarage happened super last-minute.
While I was going through my “how to run away to the Vicarage” protocol, I found a note from Last Year Me who said:
My love, please don’t wait to do this until you are at an edge. Don’t wait until you can’t see straight to pause and recalibrate. Do this before you think you need it. And, most importantly, don’t wait until after you need it.
So. I didn’t wait until after I needed it. That part is good. And I also knew six weeks ago that the need was on the way, and tried to ignore that information. Next time. Progress.
Thank you, last-year me. Thank you, last-week me. Thank you, incoming me who has figured out this whole “taking care of myself” thing.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Loss. A breath for comfort.
- Need. A breath for trust.
- The well of sadness. A breath for release.
- Goodbyes. A breath for newness.
- Isolation. A breath for knowing I am not alone.
- Wistful wishing for something that is not to be, or not to be right now. A breath for allowing desires to be legitimate.
- Everything unresolved. A breath for passage.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- I am here. A breath for safety and protection.
- I have given this time to myself. A breath for treasure and for treasuring myself.
- Nothing is wrong. All timing is right timing. A breath for remembering truth.
- Sky. Water. A breath for peacefulness.
- I have words. A breath for appreciating who I am.
- Remembering that I am radiantly beautiful. It is astonishing how often I forget this, most of the time. A breath for rediscovering.
- When I have this kind of quiet, I am amazed at what I know. A breath for the sea of wisdom.
- Appreciation and thankfulness. Thank you, Alon for naming Operation Kaleidoscope. Thank you, Richard for being the best possible friend I could ask for. Thank you, miracles. Thank you, fruit. Thank you, blue towel. Thank you, lovely surprises. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.
The best part of Operation Kaleidoscope is that I don’t have to do anything except take care of myself, and this is the best op in the entire world, and the monsters don’t even get to complain about me wham-booming this. Wham Boom.
Superpowers!
Powers I had this week…
The power of remembering how beautiful I am.
Superpowers I want.
Same as last time: the power of knowing, deeply, that every moment is treasure.
Salve. The Salve of Quieting.
It’s the Vicarage salve. When you rub this into your skin, it’s a bit like sinking into a warm pool. Or putting on noise-canceling headphones.
It’s this moment of AHHHHHHHHHHH DEEP EXHALE.
The hum-rattle-thrum of life’s buzziness just stops. There is you and your breath and sweet contentment. As if someone just turned off the vacuum cleaner in the background. As if the tap drip finally stopped. As if you had no idea how many things in the background (mental, physical, emotional) were causing interference until suddenly they all disappeared.
You relax into it, and then more, and then more. You set something down and then you set more things down, and then you remember words like tranquility and calm, and they are suddenly real.
If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This band is from Marisa and they’re called Weird Hyper Electric Confusion, they play Irish trance music and it’s just one guy.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I spend a lot of time saying “ohmygod I want to go somewhere and WRITE, I want to go on a writing retreat” and then I never do that because of the part where hahaha I’d probably have to sit around with Writers and talk about what I’m writing.
And then I realized I could invent my own that would be exactly what I want. Price super low because I need to leave town for a couple of weeks. It is called a Righting Retreat.
Partly because that sounds less intimidating (to me), and partly because it is true. We will Right things.
Come read the page because 1) I swear a lot, 2) I make a pun that is also truth, 3) there is a cloud that makes me smile, 4) I can’t be the only person who longs for this, 5) I just made a thing and would love company, 6) there is an extra-extra-extra low price for the first few people.
Not sure if there are still spots left because I am away, but give it a try!
—-> https://fluentself.com//righting/ —-> PASSWORD: oneword
Come play if you like…
Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.
Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.
Follow
I just discovered your blog and look forward to learning the secret codes. I’ve just found the courage to write and start my own blog, something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. http://yakkityyaktalkingback.com
Hello, and happy Friday! I believe I really am soaking up some of the quiet that you are so generously sharing, and it’s lovely, so thank you.
Hard:
–Rather low energy this week. I notice that I seem to be getting winded easily. Not good.
–I want to go to the beach, and yet, I don’t seem to be doing anything to make it happen.
Good:
–Very satisfying work with music therapy clients.
–A bit of unexpected money flowing easily my way, and just when I was beginning to play with some abundance affirmations. Encouraging! I am grateful.
–Reading interesting things.
I now invoke the superpower of Deep Ease, with extra Peace. <3
Ha! I meant to say Deep Peace with extra Ease, but it’s all good. 😀
What worked? Cutting things into smaller pieces. (Sometimes literally, as in the case of the snow peas on sale.)
Next time? Mark where the seeds were sown. Wondering if I’m wasting water is no fun. Also, more water.
Hard, frustrating, etc.:
* the dog resisting my efforts to detangle her fur
* the SO being dismissive of the books and dishes I believe we should keep
* general feeling underappreciated wahs
* corresponding angst: am I giving enough (and the right kind of) attention to the people who matter to me?
* jammed finger + twanged calf, and the resulting skittishness about returning to yoga and swimming.
* my voice giving out during songleading
Good, satisfying, etc.:
* unexpected + meaningful compliments about the songleading
* improving the state of Her Highness’s coat
* having time for naps and tennis-watching
* having the chops to catch spelling errors in multiple languages
* so, so grateful for running water
* and fans and air-conditioning, too!
* and a massage
Warm wishes to all y’all. Shabbat shalom.
Hello Friday!
The Hard:
Stepping on landmines I had planted. Landmines that I had planted and then kept walking over holding my breath waiting for them to blow up. Well, guess what. They did. Duh. Ok then, getting off that road.
The Lovely:
Hiking.
Cold showers and AC after hiking.
A porch in a thunderstorm.
Remembering I can control some of what I let into my world, and controlling it. Ah, independence day indeed.
Epiphanies. Debriding the wound.
Hula hoop supplies.
A clean house to come home to.
A whole weekend ahead after a whole little vacation.
Home.
Porch in a thunderstorm! The best!
What worked this week: allowing time, allowing rest, allowing for my needs.
Next time I might: try more “body motion”.
Hard things this week:
Information came my way that worried me; knowing how to act on this. One situation involving 21-year-olds, the right response was to do nothing. One situation involving a child was harder — I sought advice and talked to the appropriate people.
Summer cold plus sinus things
Pain
Good things this week:
MrB’s procedure went well.
I took care of the annual female stuff; this week I got x-ray and lab results back. Everything’s okay.
Cute clothes from surprising places.
Lovely weather.
Lunch with my sister B.
An abbreviated Chicken for me as well, because the monsters are lining up in formation. (Oh, dear.) Zo qvicklee:
Challenges:
• The stars are not aligned for me to Retreat into Writing/Righting. A breath for another time.
• Still nothing on paper for the Burrow. Patience! Waiting! All timing is right timing! Oh, my sweet Burrow.
• Repetetive-motion pain in the ol’ hand. The monsters hold this up as evidence that I’ll never finish anything.
• My Nebula Witches still buggy and incomplete.
• Noise and fright from the holiday I once heard a snarky Portlander call “Hillbilly Fallujah.” Lost sleep, nervous worrying, impotent anger, apathetic cops.
• The list of Ops is no littler. Sigh. Still feeling buried while the “No Time!” monsters roar/whoop/holler and celebrate Hillbilly Fallujah at 2 am with M-80s (M for Monster).
Triumphs:
• The Nebula Witches are nearly ready to shout from the rooftops! One more week, methinks, mehopes.
• Ducks. All lined up in neat regimental rows of my making.
• Information finally falling into place. Things from the past make sense. HARD EVIDENCE that now is not then, because I am now, finally, better equipped—with bona fide terms, even!
• I am so rocking that boundaries right now. Hear me politely decline!
• The Grand Budapest Hotel is tiny enough to fit in my mailbox and take up residence on my shelf. And it did. And I rejoiced at its arrival.
• Progress, despite monsters and non-finishing. Ever onward.
cluck!! sunday chicken is fine.
what worked this week: losing my starch. this is my mom’s phrase for just falling apart and i did and it seems t have been necessary
the sucks:
-a lot of deep sadness and other feels about not being at Rally r when i saved and vibed and planned and budgeted for it, and it was all swept away in service, frankly, to someone else’s substance abuse. a breath for loss, resentment and calling ’em like i see ’em
-oh and my birthday got devoured in the hectic crush. a breath for timing and other fails
-i cannot stay sober. i am really having a hard time with this
-i cannot get on the mat either.
-went to Miami and despiet all good intentions and awareness, the Enervation happened. breath for didsapoointment and stuckness
-husband’s recovery is good but he behaves like a rude ass all the time. a breath for this is a feature not a bug.
-omg this is so obnoxious. i tweaked my hip on friday and it has hurt all weekend. it impeded me at arts fest yesterday. i had to cancel my workout because of it. i took a pain pill for this, which didnt releive any pain, only made me too high to paint or write. so i still couldnt do anything physical, and now i couldnt do anythig mental either.
-this devoured my whoel weekend. a breath for thwartedness
-i’m fat. ugh
the sweet:
-my new gardenbed looks good. nee to add some topsiol and tranfer the pumpkins
-got the faucet i’ve needed for so long, can now use garden hose. also discovered that front hose is not same system as back one
-this weekend was the first one since the kids left. maybe all the thwartign was so i could sleep and rest?
-bought the new beck CD and have been playing it obsessively. swoon.
Monday Chicken:
“I am surrounded by so-not-Eeyore people, who also love and accept Me for just who I am” – My new affirmation, because “what you dwell on, accelerates.” (Also, the grass grows where you water it!)