What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Very Personal Ads #25: not really a swingers club at all
Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do it.
Thing 1: more love for my house.
Here’s what I want:
This past week I have been trying to spend more time with Hoppy House.
Because sometimes I just don’t feel really at home there. It’s not about the house so much as my own past screwed-up experiences. Either way, something that needs work.
So far I have started a morning ritual (thanks, Hiro) of visiting each corner in each room.
And I moved a bookcase into the kitchen, and have just been generally trying to make little shift-like things.
What I would like is more of that. And without doing complicated expensive renovation-ey things.
Ways this could work:
Some insights.
Some post-Dance-of-Shiva epiphanies.
I can buy flowers for the house. I can spend some time with my Scary Pile Of Things To Be Filed. I can have a sense of what comes next.
My commitment.
To be patient.
To give this time.
To remember that yes, actually there is time.
To ask for what I need. To go easy on myself as my memories of not being welcome come up.
Thing 2: That scary pile.
Here’s what I want:
To spend small chunks of time (ten to fifteen minutes) going through sections of the pile.
Here’s how I want this to work:
With grace and ease and patience.
My commitment.
I will go on a binder-acquiring outing with my gentleman friend.
And I will ask for help.
And I will use the Deguiltified Chicken Board from my Kitchen Table program.
Thing 3: To find ways to be even more of a connector-mouse.
Here’s what I want:
We did a Kitchen Table call this week that was basically just a big barnraising ideastorming money-generating party.
And the most exciting part for me was after the call, watching everyone hook up in the chat room to go off and plan bigness together.
The collaborative creative energy is just so intense. And this is what happens every time I teach something.
Even the Sacramento Biggification Day — it’s was just one day, and everyone there is completely committed to helping everyone else. Awesome.
Connections everywhere and I get to be the connector-mouse.
It’s like kind of like I’m running an entrepreneurial swingers club for creative people who are also really funny, except you know, something that sounds better than that.
And yes, that entire sentence should totally be my new tagline.
Anyway. I want more of this.
Ways this could work:
Since it happens anyway in everything I do, maybe I don’t have to work too hard on this.
But maybe I can also build it in to Biggification 2010 and this year’s retreats and seminars in a more conscious way.
I could do some scribbling on this. Or talk it over with my Kitchen Table-ers.
My commitment.
To be open to ideas.
To do Shiva Nata on it.
To let myself be playful with this. And to let it happen with ease and flow, instead of becoming a massive stressful “should” situation. Because that would suck.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to walk more. And that’s been a little rough, actually.
Stupid Portland is grey and cold and is now dark at all the times I usually like to walk. And things were crazy busy this week.
On the other hand, my gentleman friend was very good at dragging me out for some fresh air. And we did a lot of tramping around the neighborhood.
So: walking. Doing it. Wanting even more. Getting there.
I also wanted to fill the two new openings at the Destuckification Retreat, and there’s now a waiting list.
And I asked for patience. Lots and lots of patience. And I have to say — this completely surprises me, but yes. There was much more patience in this week than in last week.
Much more spaciousness. And I appreciate that.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.
Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.
Thanks for doing this with me!
Friday Chicken #72: bah bah humbug blacksheep
Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
FRIDAY!
Where have you been all my life, sweet sweet Friday?
Alright. Chicken.
The hard stuff
Too much busy. Again!
All sorts of things going on.
And apparently all of the absolutely must get finished before the holidays or all hell will break loose variety.
An entire day of hard.
Gah.
It seriously would not stop with the hardnesses. I did not like.
Pain.
Two different situations where people I really trusted did something seriously untrustworthy.
So I feel sad. And anxious. And distrustful of my own judgment.
Making tough decisions.
Makes my head hurt.
Having to set boundaries on the blog again.
Every single time that I think I’m done with this, it turns out that I’m wrong because no, not quite yet.
Though I guess the good part of that is that I agonize about the boundary-setting waaaaay less than I used to.
Blah, blah, craziness, blah.
More whining about being busy. See, I’m so busy that I can’t even complain about it in style.
Not just being crazy busy but having it happen during Hannukah.
Which just makes it that much harder to do the proper grease-spattered deep-fried-everything chaos part.
On the other hand, latkes!
So I guess that brings us to the good.
The good stuff
Sleep! I love it.
On Saturday I got twelve hours of sleep. In a row.
That kind of never happens, so it was absolutely delicious.
It was like feeding a hungry plant. My whole body got to have a happy.
In the midst of the hard, so many beautiful sparkly pieces of good.
So many!
My gentleman friend outdid himself on the bread baking and made the bread of all breads. The bread that is so good it made me cry.
A surprise bouquet of roses and lilies from Hiro … that arrived right smack in the middle of my Day of Hard.
And my magical lotions and potions from Heidi arrived in my mailbox.
And a present from Amy! And sweet cards and notes and such from readers. Mostly for Selma, but they still nailed the up-cheering.
Hannukah.
Pretty, pretty candles.
So much cheerful.
Plus my gentleman friend made some kick-ass latkes. Again with the kitchen magic! Extra points!
My people* are so great.
Seriously, I must have read a gazillion applications this week (for the Kitchen Table, for my Destuckification Retreat, for Biggification 2010).
And these applications are completely brilliant. I’m sure my people don’t actually realize this as much as they should, but they are so smart and so funny and so thoughtful and so kind.
All of them. And I just feel this big love for the people who want to come and do wackiness with me and my duck.
* No, not the Jews. I mean the people who apply to do my programs. It was weird because I said “my people” right after the Hannukah thing and it was like the whole “let my people go” thing. Never mind.
Celebration with gentleman friend of the day we met.
Really? That many years since I first met the tattoo-covered motorcycle-riding hooligan who would make me that perfect loaf of bread this week?
It all seems highly unlikely.
The good outweighed the hard again.
I’m not sure how. There must be things I’m not remembering.
But my sense is that this week was infused with lots of good. Lots of moments of good that made the hard less sticky.
The pirate song.
Gilbert (@CrazyOnYou) sent me a link to this.
And it is the best. You have to listen to it!
And … playing live at the meme beach house!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
Give it up for …
Myopic Hucksterism
Ohmygod. I love it. I got this from Sam Rosen who is @samrosen on Twitter.
He was saying something about how Selma and I manage to be all hey, look at us being a real person and a real duck and everything … but still make money and stuff despite our human-ness and love of Betty Boop.
Except he said it much more eloquently than that because he’s an extremely well-spoken guy. And I’m probably remembering it wrong.
The point was that he thinks we’re a refreshing change from “the myopic hucksterism so prevalent across the web”.
And I was all, ooh I love that band.
And then he kindly gave me permission to use Myopic Hucksterism as our Fake Band Of The Week.
Though he did say that he hoped I wouldn’t mind if at some point he does decide to start a post-punk-fusion band with the same name.
In which case, he will let me feature it — again — as the first-ever Real Band of the Week.
But whatever. We all know it will be … just one guy.
That’s it for me …
No Stuisms this week because I deleted them. I know. It’s tragic. And what’s even more tragic is that he thinks that’s hilarious. Or would if he weren’t a stupid piece of software.
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.
Greatest Hits? The revisited revisited album.
So I started this blog a year and a half ago. With a post called I has a blog.
Since then there have been four hundred and thirty posts, if you include this one.
And close to ten thousand comments.
It’s weird, I know.
I don’t know what’s up with that last number, but I can definitely explain about the four hundred and thirty posts thing.
For starters, there are a lot of Chickens in there. And really, it’s not so much that I’m crazy prolific as just crazy.
And also because I treat blogging as therapy that I don’t have to pay for.
And because I do a lot of shiva spirals, which deliver epiphanies, often (for me) in the form of information that wants to be written down.
Anyway. That’s not the point.
The point is this:
I need some help choosing posts to recommend to people.
I have this stupid “greatest hits” thing in the sidebar.
Which was put up forever ago (in bloggishness, not in the grand scheme of things) before there really were any hits, greatest or otherwise.
Even if we assume that eventually I will come up with a name less annoying than “greatest hits”, it would still be nice to have a way to point people to some Useful Stuff.
The idea being that it that might give them a better sense of what we do around here. Stuff that isn’t in the FAQ or the Glossary.
Things that are not helping me decide.
Criteria? Hell if I know.
Because I don’t think number of comments should necessarily be relevant.
It might be a measure of something but I’m still not sure what.
I mean, there are a hundred comments on this post about hangers. There are a lot of comments when I piss people off by saying things like this.
And sometimes a specific post will get twenty thousand page views in a day. Like when I talked about what inspires me to buy art.
And about a year ago when I was trying to get people to stop hiring me, I put together a page of biggification-related posts to read on a page called no, seriously, don’t hire me.
Or my duck has a cult following of her own, so yeah, people also obsess over the posts that have pictures of her.
But again, these aren’t necessarily the posts that I care about. Or the ones that are infused with the essence of Havi-ness. Or the ones that really get to the core of the stuff we do here.
So here’s what I want.
Some of your favorites.
Because I know for a fact that there are a lot of you out there who have spent weeks obsessively stalking my archives (and yes, I love how dirty “in my archives” sounds).
And even if you haven’t. If there is a post that did something for you — a good something, yes? — that would be helpful for me.
My commitment:
I will be ridiculously appreciative of the suggestions my people come up with.
I will come up with a list of some of my own personal favorites that no one ever reads.
In the meantime I will leave you with how The Fluent Self got started, a story about scissors that helped me realize that I actually am a writer, kind of … and how this blog is totally not an overnight success even if that’s what it looks like from the outside.
And a few words about regrets.
My ask.
Otherwise known as? Comment Zen for the day.
Given that this is a place where we work on our stuff, acknowledge our stuff, give ourselves permission to have it to begin with … things definitely come up that can be awkward and trigger-ey.
So. We’re patient with each other (okay, fine, with ourselves), when we can stand it. We generally try to recognize that our stuff is our stuff. We don’t throw shoes.
Mensch-like: it’s our thing.
And if you have an idea for a less-dorky way to list these than “greatest hits”, I will adore you forever.
Item! Exclamation points don’t cost extra, apparently.
A somewhat goofy mini-collection of stuff I’ve been reading, stuff I’ve been thinking about and oh, some completely random crap.
Basically the stuff that never gets mentioned here because I’m not the kind of person who can just make some teeny little point. Not into the whole brevity thing, as the Dude would say.
Actually, I’m under the strict compulsion to write ten pages about anything on my mind. So this is me. Practicing brevity.
Oh, yes. I get exclaim-ey on Wednesdays.
It’s a thing. Well, let’s pretend it’s a thing.
Item! Post No. 45 in a series that makes me sound far more excitable than I actually am, because I keep shouting Item!
Item! I’m not the only one who forgets the things I already know..
Heather wrote a beautiful piece in response to my post about stucknesses.
“Here are some of the things I know, but have not been able to integrate into my living practice:
- When I’m tired, I need to rest.
- Stagnation is a natural part of the creative cycle. Perhaps view it as sitting or processing rather than stagnation.
- If I touch just one person with what I do or say, I’ve made a difference.”
I found this so helpful.
She’s @livingartist on Twitter.
Item! What makes an online community work.
Interesting piece from Richard Millington on why amateurs build better online communities than businesses. Confirmed a lot of what I’ve learned/experienced from running my Kitchen Table program.
“You’re competing against amateurs. The very online communities that most businesses want are the communities they would have if they acted less like a business and more like a passionate amateur.”
He’s @RichMillington on Twitter.
Item! Our dreamboat president. Again.
I know I linked to this in the Chicken.
But I can’t resist.
Picture taken by my brother, who’s @ezra_brooks on Twitter.
Item! Crazy wonderful socks.
More Etsy goodness.
Found via @memoija on Twitter.
Item! Another excellent dammit list.
Michael came up with his own version of a dammit list.*
* If you don’t know what a dammit list is, it’s now in the glossary.
“I love it because it is a vision of my future self, said with passion. A stake in the ground. A line in the sand, Dammit!”
My favorite part of his dammit list is that it includes be Randy Newman, dammit. Which is just adorable.
He’s @mj_walters on Twitter.
Item! Cranky Fibro Girl strikes again.
This is from ages ago, but I’m sharing it now. Because I don’t have a plan. More about my lack of plan next time, though.
“You know that whole stupid chart doctors pull out that supposedly tell you what weight you should be according to your height? Apparently the people who compiled this chart were unaware of the fact that women are actually 3-dimensional beings.
Now we do have a friend who is only 5 ft. tall, and probably does weigh only 100 lbs., but I’m pretty sure that’s because she was constructed using only the bones of one tiny sparrow and a few golden clouds.
She is very tiny and cute — like a miniature doll you might want to pick up and keep in your pocket. And as a matter of fact she frequently has random strange men come up to her and tell her this very thing.
That is, of course, the very last thing they say, right before she kills them and feeds their bodies to sharks. Which they clearly deserve because, seriously –that’s just creepy.”
Ah, yes. You can always count on some quality ranting from Jenny. That’s because she’s Cranky Fibro Girl. She’s funny and sweet and I think you will like.
She’s @jennyryan on Twitter.
Item! Oh I am so happy.
I can’t even tell you how gleeful I was upon seeing that The Onion has devoted this week to “the top 10 stories of the last 4.5 billion years” for their annual the-year-in-review thing.
My inner history major (yes, of course I was a history major) is just loving this to death.
“The Magna Carta, which limits the powers of the king and binds him to the rule of law, was issued on June 15, 1215. What do you think?”
“Then, tis tyme to become taken awaye to the prisonne, for I am desirous to trye this new Habeas Corpus.”
Excellent.
Item! Eileen on the human filter.
This is good.
“I feel like wow, if this person exists in the world then why do I even need to be here? They’ve totally got this covered.
Which is funny (funny ha-ha as I tend to laugh at myself when I learn lessons over and over again), because while someone else might be able to say things that speak to the core of who I am, things that inspire and move me and make me feel not-alone…..they can’t say my things.”
Yes. We can’t see our filters. Because they’re ours. Read the rest.
She’s @evalazza on Twitter.
Item! Lucy wrote a brave post about her thing.
Her thing!
She showed up to the Biggification Day in Sacramento not sure if she had a thing or if she wanted a thing or how she would describe it if she could get to the point of admitting that yes, it exists.
And now she’s remarkably articulate about why it’s awesome. It is, by the way. It’s like astrology for people who don’t believe in astrology. Only better.
“It’s not about predicting the future, folks. It’s not about telling you what colour socks you’re going to wear next Thursday or what you had for breakfast this morning. Or even whether you’ll get that job or buy that house.
It’s about self-discovery.
It’s about talking to your patterns.
It’s short of jargon and it doesn’t invent connections that aren’t there.”
She’s @lucyviret on Twitter.
Item! Update from the land of the Peculiar & Hilarious Shivanauts!
The “peculiar and hilarious” thing comes from Melynda’s sweet bit about Butterfly Wishes.
Let’s see. We talked about what happens if you do Shiva Nata while pregnant.
Everyone at my Sacramento Biggification workshop had intense idea-storms and much epiphanizizing. Most of them have been blogging it up like mad.
Also, Pearl Mattenson gave birth to a wonderful baby blog about her shivanautical pracice. It’s called Shiva Nata Callings & Pearl is NOT having a mid-life crisis, and I love it.
She’s @pearlmattenson on Twitter.
Item! Comments! Here’s what I want this time:
- Things you’re thinking about.
- Things that are cheery in winter.
My commitment.
I am committed to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and I will interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible for me.
Even though asking for what I want still feels awkward for me, I’m just going to remind myself that this is a thing I’m practicing.
That is all.
Happy reading.
And happy Blustery Windsday. See you tomorrow.
Re-explaining the Right People thing
I want to say some thing about the concept of Right People, because I am recognizing that the concept is possibly been misunderstood (hugely) by a bunch of people that I adore.
Which means (for me, at least) that I have not been able to explain it correctly or thoroughly.*
* Consider this an extended version of the definition in the glossary.
So, with your permission, I’m going to try to give the Right People thing some context.
There are no wrong people here.
There just aren’t.
For one thing, there’s no such thing as wrong people. So … someone who is a Tony Robbins right person is probably not my right person, but that doesn’t make them my wrong person. They just wouldn’t come into my orbit.
And someone who is interested in my stuff is, by definition, a right person because right people are people who like me and my duck.
And someone who hangs out in my world and appreciates it is also a right person by definition, because right people are people whom I like too.
Right does not mean “chosen” or “better” or “cooler” or anything-er.
It is meant to imply a comfortable fit. A healthy fit. With a specific thing.
It refers to the idea that everyone should have the right to hang out with people they like and appreciate, who like and appreciate them.
And that everyone should have the right to not have to hang out with shoe-throwers or with people who don’t appreciate and respect them. Unless you like that kind of thing.
If someone throws shoes at you? Not one of your people. The concept of Right People gives you permission to not have to spend time with people who are mean to you.
But the Right People thing is not about being rejected, or about rejecting others.
It is not exclusionary.
If anything, it’s the opposite.
Everyone gets right people. It’s not just some special right people who get right people.
And everyone gets right people who are fabulous. You get right people that you adore. Not right people that you have to settle for. They wouldn’t be very right if you did.
There is absolutely no need to actively exclude people who don’t fit. The idea is that we are naturally drawn to the stuff that speaks to us. So if we aren’t drawn to something, we aren’t being rejected. We’re just being drawn somewhere else.
It’s not about exclusion. It’s about discernment.
When I get excited about Friday, it doesn’t mean that nothing good ever happens on Wednesday. It just means I’m happy about Friday.
When I surround myself with stuff/people/concepts that are loving and supportive, it makes it easier for me to be the kind of person who can have love and support in her life.
It doesn’t mean I have to stop being sarcastic and obnoxious. It doesn’t mean that I have to lose my sense of humor. It just means that I don’t have to have stuff in my life that makes me feel like crap, dammit.
But we can go even deeper into the concept — or definition — of right people, as I understand it.
What I mean by Right People — my definition.
Okay.
Right People = anyone you like and appreciate who likes and appreciates you.
You can be someone’s right person without ever buying from them.
For example, I get to be Victoria‘s right person even though I might not ever hire her as a coach. I’m Victoria’s right person because I believe in her work and I think she’s awesome.
I get to be Ankesh‘s right person even though I might not ever necessarily buy his products. I’m his right person because I admire the hell out of him and because he’s a total mensch.
As far as I know, I’m a right person for you, because if you’re here, it’s pretty likely that I would like you and care about what you do.
And you are all my right people because you connect with some aspect of what I talk about or what I do. But it goes even deeper than that.
Layers of right people.
I totally believe that everyone has right people, even if they haven’t found any of them yet.
I also believe that everyone has enough right people in the world to support them and their thing.
IMPORTANT! This does not mean that the people who can’t support your thing right now don’t get to be your right people.
They’re still the right fit. They’re just not at the very center of that support structure.
When I look at my life — the sovereign queendom of me and all of my me-ness — there is room for my closest friends and allies, and there is room for people I care about but don’t get to hang out with that often.
And when I look at my business — the kingdom of The Fluent Self — there is room for my regular clients, for the people in my Kitchen Table program, my Friday Chickeneers and all of my Beloved Lurkers.
Not everyone in the kingdom is going to buy my stuff or hire me. Or even let me know of their existence. And it doesn’t matter. Because they get touched by the stuff I do.
There will always be a cluster closer to the center of the kingdom where the action is. Where all the support structures are.
And some people will be closer to the center. And some people will be more at the outskirts. And some people will wander in between. It’s all fine. Because they are all — every single one — my Right People.
Right people does not mean homogenization.
Because right people doesn’t refer to any one specific quality or characteristic.
It’s not like “oh, my right people are over six feet tall and like pistachio ice cream”. Or that they have a certain type of thing or a certain personality.
It’s about resonance and zing. Zing!
Sure, my right people tend to be bright, thoughtful, insightful, sensitive and goofy.
But probably a lot of them don’t necessarily self-define that way at all. Selma and I don’t collect right people based on type. There is room for all kinds of right people among my right people.
Why Right People is not about rejection.
Because life is not high school. There aren’t any cool kids.
Naomi and I aren’t the cool kids. Mark and Jen aren’t the cool kids.
There are no cool kids. There are just people. Who have their own groups of right people.
And you get to belong anywhere where you feel safe and supported.
And you get to choose who gets to belong with you, and help them feel safe and supported.
The whole point of right people and red velvet ropes and such is to make it easier on you to welcome in the kind of people that you like being around.
And to make it easier for the kind of people who might throw shoes (or just not get you) to quietly find their way to their own right place, instead of judging you for being you.
No, seriously. Life is not high school.
Life is not high school. Business is not high school. Nothing that happens is high school.
Except, of course, for high school.**
** And those of us who need to spit on those memories can do so now..
Whatever is reminding you of how things were in high school is just that. A reminder that you have patterns. A reminder that you have stuff.
It’s not the same experience. It’s the same emotional charge, but it’s not the same experience.
It’s a new experience, filtered through old stuff that thinks it’s seeing something familiar.
Right People is a way to find comfort
Before I had the concept of right people, it was really easy to feel annoyed and upset with people I didn’t like.
I’d think about other biggifiers like, say, Tim Ferris, and find myself wanting to kick them in the shins for making the people I care about feel bad about themselves.
Once I realized that hey, I’m just not one of his people, I didn’t have to hate on him anymore. In fact, recognizing that made it possible for me to relax and get something good out of what he teaches.
I didn’t like the way he presented the concept. It wasn’t my style. But the result? Brilliant.
So instead of wishing someone else were different than the way I want them to be, the concept of Right People makes it a lot easier for me to just let them be the way they are.
And to trust that the people who need that message in that form will get it. And the people who need my message in my form will get it.
There’s more room that way. There’s more room for everyone. Right People is about breathing room.
It’s about not having to resent people because they’re doing something that isn’t a good fit for you.
It’s about turning around and saying: Hey, it’s my life and I’m allowed to hang around people who get me, dammit.
And yet again, this is really long.
So I’m going to stop here.
But I hope some of this is helping. That it’s clear that having right people doesn’t make you a jerk.
And that discernment is a useful practice.
And that you are welcome here by virtue of the simple fact that you like being here.