Hilariously, right in the middle of writing a series of posts on my philosophy of Intentionally Not Giving Advice and how/why it works, I find myself in the need of some unrelated feedback.
Timing. I love it.
Here’s where I could really use your help.
1. Favorite posts?
Remember way back a looooooooong time ago (December 2009) when I was re-doing the sidebar thing and we were collecting favorite posts?
So Selma and I have written approximately seventeen billion things since then, and I’m hoping for some new recommendations.
What are some posts that you have really liked? Or that you would pass on to other people?
I know the archives are endless, but if there are posts you’ve really enjoyed or found helpful/inspiring/useful/whatever, I would appreciate your input. Thank you!
2. Results or understandings from the Monster Manual & Coloring Book.
We have put off adjusting the price of the Monster Manual & Coloring Book to what it was originally going to be for way longer than anyone ever imagined possible.
Partly because it is my absolute most beloved product of all my babies.
And partly because putting the price back up keeps getting bumped off the list of Things That Have To Be Done Right This Second when we’re having staff meetings at Drunk Pirate Council.
Anyway, it is the time.
But I could really use some love stories of how/why the Monster Manual is so incredibly useful. And how much joyful therapeutic fun it is to use the coloring book.
How you can help.
If you have thoughts on either one of these or both, please leave a comment here. That would be super helpful and so very much appreciated.
In lieu of guidelines: comment zen blanket fort stuff.
Of course now I find myself trying to word this request, and wishing I could just link to my handy feedback-giving guidelines that don’t exist yet.
So I’m going to ask anyway, and just let it be awkward and weird.
My take on feedback is this: we recognize the People Vary principle, and take ownership of the fact that whatever we give people is our take on something, not a descriptive fact:
Useful: “A post of yours that really spoke to me is…”
(as opposed to “This is the best one.”)
Useful: “Something I found really appealing is …”
(as opposed to: “X is good. Y is less good.”)
Thank you. This means so much to me.
I appreciate this. And I appreciate you.
So much love to all the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads. This place is one of the safest, most loving, supportive and goofy places on the internet for a reason. And it’s you.
You help me hold the culture, even by reading and nodding. And that has made this a really special experience for me.
Follow
[This is the space where I would flail that I love damn near *all* your posts, if that was useful. But since it’s not, I’m not.]
Posts I’ve loved/why: (This is just off the top of my head)
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/except/ – because it’s something that we can use. What you write is interesting, but this is interesting and *useful*.
http://fluentself.com//blog/personal/the-gigantic-scary-pile-of-iguanas-and-doom/ – for similar reasons, it’s something I needed to hear (and I suspect it’s something many, many people can relate to in one form or another,).
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/the-difference-between-grinding-wheels-and-not-grinding-wheels/ – this post is excellent, and it links to other excellent, so you’re getting 17 for the price of 1, really.
I am sure there are many other worthy posts, but the post that immediately comes to mind, the post that really spoke to me, that I shared with quite a few others, is your post on Bolivia. I found it very refreshing and supportive to know that I am not alone in my choice.
http://fluentself.com//blog/personal/some-thoughts-on-dealing-with-loss/comment-page-1/#comment-28707
This post on loss was especially helpful to me in dealing with the loss of my parents over 30 years ago. It helped me find some closure. I also helped me adapt to a sudden loss and develop the courage to say goodbye to something that was no longer a match for my needs. I have gone back to it over and over again.
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/the-book-of-you/
This post which described what the book of you is was helpful to me in starting my own book of you.
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/the-book-of-you/
I tend to be a black and white thinker. This post showed me that there are no absolute rules and there are always very legitimate exceptions which totally inactivate what i thought was something that was in my best interest.
I can’t find the post I most want to find unfortunately – but it has to do with safety being important and making ourselves feel safe as a way to meet ourselves where we are.
That post or series of posts was particularly important for helping me get and stay on my own side.
I have the Destuckification Basics [part I and II] stuck on my wall and I find them sooo useful.
I also want to suggest the first post I read here that really appealed to me; about not having to face fear; because it gave me hope that their was another way to be with myself.
But then again, my personal view is that they’re all amazing 🙂
Fractal Flower (as a complement to Doing just one thing) is a really great one. I always tend to forget this when overwhelmed by many options. Now I can just have my inner voice exclaim “fractal flower!” and everything falls magically into place. Just one guy. 😉
I second Fractal Flower. Also, Except, Blogging Therapy!, and The difference between grinding wheels and not grinding wheels were all really helpful at moving stuff and stuck for me. ^^
I was reading and nodding! How did you know?!
I adored and got a lot from the Pause (Paws!) post, and the Tools post and, and, and… the not naming what you do but doing it post that I read off a link to a link ages ago. The glorrrious day one always makes me smile, too, even if I don’t click the link at the end of a Chicken, it’s nice to know it’s there.
Sorry for lack of links and precision and therefore not doing things in an easy-for-you-way – it’s because these are the gems that sparkle most to my eye and are the first bits to float through and be visible, like little landing lights, when my brain fogs out.
Slightly tangential, since it isn’t a post, exactly, but the comment zen and acknowledgement of commenters and lurkers, is very special to me. I feel included, noticed and of worth, no matter how loudly my outsider syndrome is singing.
I wish I could pick out my preferred monster wrangling post but they all kind of got amalgamated somewhere in my head and became something I -do- rather than think about. Then when I read a post about a monster conversation someone else had I get this warm fuzzy thrill of recognition. Yay, kindred goofball!
I’m quite excited to read your Intentional Not Giving of Advice posts, because recently one or two people have been asking me for advice and I was trying to find a graceful way of saying I’d support them but not make their decisions for them.
Well, goodness. I would say that every post is just so darn special to me, but I’m imagining that, while true, that would not be as helpful for this particular request.
So I’ll say this: The post you titled “This.” was definitely the one that spoke to me most deeply, out of anything you’ve ever shared here. (http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/this/)
I’ll also say that anything relating to fractal flowering and following rabbit holes has been very helpful, too. I’ve been using these tidbits to do my work by working on myself, and I’m finding that my life is becoming my work, while my work is becoming my life. I don’t mean that in a depressing way, but more in the way that everything I do is starting to draw from this essence of me-ness. And all of it in a way that’s less guilt-full and more permission-tastic.
I felt very comforted by your “Campaign to Bring Back Hibernation” post. I felt peaceful reading it, and then after your post about permission making people attractive I realized that’s why I loved the post so much. 🙂
Also big love for Jungle Gyms Everywhere & This. The succinct sentences of This. really put destuckifying into perspective for me. It was simple & to me, if your blog were a book, that could be the POW! conclusion.
I always find something amazing in all your posts, so thank you for that. After some unsettling events this weekend, I wrote in my journal all the tiny snippets I’ve learned from your blog, and this took up 2 pages, I’m proud to say. Just little phrases that have sunk in as a long-time reader, and have shaped my relationship to myself, life, other people.
Your blog is a jewel of wisdom, my lovely! Mostly because I’d never before encountered how to work with emotions & feelings & needs before, & it’s quite transformative work. So: Thank you.
xoxo
I get something from every post I read here, but there are some I share again and again.
Bolivia
The Art and Science of Pricing
The Flow Chart of Spaciousness
Rituals, Traditions, Zombies. Stuff Like That.
Amnesty (this one is my very favorite favorite)
I frequently find myself going back for the one about who’s at the Front of the V, but it’s a sneaky post: each time I forget where it is and then remember it’s hiding in the Safe Rooms post, which is exactly perfect and hilarious (because of course it’s hiding in the safe room, duh, because where else would it hide?).
And although there are many wonderful shoe-related posts I find myself going back to, the most helpful one for me lately has been “Someone just threw a shoe at you,” because reading through the five different stages of shoe-throwing reactions is really helpful for my brain. Starting with the panic reaction and getting down to the “there is no spoon” part is like a little calm-down meditation in reading form, for me. It acknowledges all the different levels of reactions I experience when I’m in that kind of situation. Love love love that post.
Here are the ones I’ve starred in my RSS feed reader:
Bolivia
Safe Rooms
The Grumblethrum Collective
This
Also, the entire blogging therapy series.
Good stuff, Havi. Carry On!
Here are the ones I’ve bookmarked or linked to in my online Book Of Me wiki, and a bit about what I got from them:
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/except/
This one crystallized a technique I’d already stumbled across–made it something I could imagine applying in a systematic way.
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/the-difference-between-grinding-wheels-and-not-grinding-wheels/
Such a great overview of stuff to try 🙂
http://fluentself.com//blog/biggification/for-artists-and-anyone-else-who-sells-stuff-online/
http://fluentself.com//blog/biggification/biggification-map-and-circles/
These are two important cornerstones of helpful thoughts for my tiny Thing.
http://fluentself.com//blog/personal/spaciousness-and-the-finding-of-it/
I’m starting to do this with time, instead of freaking out about how my calendar! has! THINGS! on it!
But usually, a bit of time following the rabbit hole of links, starting from an article on a topic I want to know about–because your blog is great about internal linking and recommending stuff–is the best thing ever, moreso than reading any one post. Thank you for making this place!
This is a disorganised list of favourite posts, helpfully none of which have the proper titles.
The one about the fox and video game and the wall.
Fractal flowering and rabbit holes
The letters from yourself last week
bolivia
The monster colouring book – trying to think of something more specific that just ‘It’s really helped’…I might have a think about this and come back with something later.
I found the one about “The difference between grinding wheels and not grinding wheels” very helpful because of all the specific suggestions about questions to ask yourself, things to do, all that sort of thing.
I have found the one about the video game fox extra super helpful, as well. It reminds me to look at things differently. And the one that explains Metaphor Mouse, since it’s the most useful tool I’ve had in a long, long time.
Your series on blogging therapy was awesome and super helpful to me – I’ve read the lot of them several times and am considering printing them all out on sky blue paper and putting them in a binder to always have them handy.
And the same goes for the For Artists (And anyone else who sells stuff online) post.
And lastly, for personal reasons, Bolivia.
My favorite post, the one that I have gone back to in my mind, time and again was about monsters, being kind to yourself, maybe something about cookies in there too…or is that only in my version of it? Why can’t I find it…I’m positive I even bookmarked it at some point?!? *drat* Ok, I’m taking a play from Selma’s book and letting this slide right off my back. My other favorite post is “This.” Havi, blessings to you and the universe of lovely-ness that supports you, my world is vastly enriched because of you and your willingness to keep doing your own work.
The first thoughts that pop into my head when you ask for our favorites:
Fracatal Flowers and Doing Just One Thing
Conversations with Monsters
Rabbit Holes
Throwing Shoes
I don’t remember the name of the post where you told us how you were literally tripping over the yoga books while trying to find something that could help you. That one speaks volumes to me as well.
I also appreciate that you thank the lurkers for reading. I don’t comment much, and usually in blog world, that means I don’t matter. To be acknowledged is lovely, even if I just read along and smile without much to say.
Bolivia hit every cell in my body. Not just your post, but every comment too. This post gave me one of those “thank the universe for the internet” moments. I forwarded that link to lots of people.
The Chicken series – like Bolivia, it’s as much about the comments as about your particular post. It has taught me a way of looking at things.
The Book of You – I made a book after I read this the first time. what a great tool it’s been for me.
Also, the future-me, past-me conversations/letters. another tool that speaks to me, and gave me a certain feeling of safety.
Like dogs and like children. (well, truth be told, mostly just the dog sections) I had my own “be a dog” philosophy of dealing with some of my stuff, which I guess I can summarize as living/being in the moment & never hesitate to wag your tail or roll in the dirt. So, this post really jibed with that, and made me feel good.
Other posts that I still go back to – they just speak to me:
What you do when you feel like dirt.
Sovereignty 101 & Some things I have learned about sovereignty
Ask Havi #31: Business advice? Okay.
You don’t need to take the leap.
Taking a stand.
Nothing is wasted.
Phobic Me and Non-Phobic Me in the secret lair of weirdness.
THANK YOU for this blog!
I’m on my phone so can’t find the link, but I ADORE your post about the tiny sweet thing, the baby project that needs protection and nurturing.
Each of my novels feels so delicate and fragile at the beginning, and thinking of them as tiny sweet things has helped me create them without forcing them to grow up too fast. So thank you. 🙂
Posts that really spoke to me:
Exit the Middle
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/exit-the-middle/
and
There’s Time
http://fluentself.com//blog/not-hating-on-yourself/theres-time/
and, oh, yes, the fox in the videogame and all the Blogging Therapy posts.
I want to second Jess, “I always find something amazing in all your posts, so thank you for that.” I want to highlight my screen when I read the archives. Which happens often.
My two most favorite-ist posts are
The Unhostile Takeover
and
The Flow Chart of Spaciousness
very handy, and concise : )
Hi Havi!
Two posts that I found extra-super useful and practical:
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/there-are-two-kinds-of-asking-why/
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/not-actually-a-test/
And, two posts that struck some deep, emotional something inside me and helped me see/recognize myself a bit more fully:
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/dolls/
http://fluentself.com//blog/personal/the-dream/
And, thank you! My life is so much richer thanks to you bringing so much of yourself to your work and to this space. 🙂
I love the one where you talk to your monster, so much so that I practiced talking to my monsters. The one where you had the cast of characters (me, monster, scribe)
Also the ‘letter to me in a year’ – very inspiring. have to try it.
Depiling and Repiling. Yes, yes, yes. And your relationship with your piles…was it written just for me? 😉
The more recent post about ‘The Rabbit Hole’, I got quite a lot from. Coincidentally I had done some Shiva Nata the morning that I read it, and everything just started clicking.
I saw a life long pattern that began in early childhood! of putting myself into rigid safety lockdown, and it came unraveling a bit, it was very interesting and helpul, I’m still benefitting from that!
Posts mentioning ‘throwing shoes’ always have helpful info for me. And when you say that non-violence comes first. All the writing about patterns, I get a lot from.
The Monster Coloring Book:
I printed and posted one of the wonderful monster illustrations as a gargoyle for our hall door here at work. The hall door opens up into a common hallway, where there is a person that I could possibly intersect with. It just feels supportive somehow, also to remind me that I need to be responsible for my communications with both my monster, and other people’s monsters!
Thank you Havi, as always I enjoy and appreciate your blog.
🙂
An excuse to browse the archives somewhat obsessively? Okay, I’ll take the bait. These are some of my (recent) favorites, somewhat sorted by category.
1. Taking care of yourself posts. I just recommended Retroactive Emergency Vacation (http://fluentself.com//blog/not-hating-on-yourself/retroactive-emergency-vacation/) to a friend: it opened up a whole new set of ideas for me about what a memory is and how to interact with it. Seriously, my whole world is shifting a little bit here.
2. Useful, actively-changing-the-way-I-do-things posts. I found that These Are My Tools (http://fluentself.com//blog/biggification/these-are-my-tools/) and Secret Phrases (http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/secret-phrases-for-secret-agents-doing-things-secret-agent-style/) were really helpful for my work life.
3. Posts in which you talk to pieces of yourself. I especially loved the conversation with Resistance Mouse (http://fluentself.com//blog/personal/i-am-resistance-mouse/).
4. Story time posts! I love story time. The stories from times & places past sometimes make me laugh, sometimes make me cry, remind me that time heals things, and remind me that lessons learned by past-me are helping current-me right now. Of recent posts, I particularly enjoyed Five Past Seven (http://fluentself.com//blog/personal/five-past-seven/). I still re-read Tripping (http://fluentself.com//blog/not-hating-on-yourself/tripping/), too.
5. Bolivia. Obviously. (Because thank goodness somebody gets it, and because that’s the best use of metaphor there has ever been.)
Well, that was fun! And remarkably, even your meta-posts (“go to the archives”) turn out to be constructive (“re-read, and learn something more deeply than you did the first time you read it”). So thanks for that.
Havi, dearest. Shoes. And all surrounding shoes, please.
Throwing (instead) love and happy thoughts your way…
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/bolivia/
Bolivia – because questions about not being able to move there even though you want to is hard, too! (and because you reference traditional Armenian embroidery, and I’m obsessed with ANYTHING embroidery related and therefore had to go look it up and ended up with a book on Armenian Lace and and and…) Sorry. Too much information. But definitely a fave. 🙂
http://fluentself.com//blog/biggification/its-not-the-economy/ It’s Not the Economy – I find myself referring people to this all the time. Usually when I find someone going out of business and blaming the economy for it. It’s even funnier in a sad way when it’s someone as big as Borders Books.
http://fluentself.com//blog/biggification/for-artists-and-anyone-else-who-sells-stuff-online/
Because I do. And the process described helped immensely. Helps. Still. 🙂
All of your posts, really. But these three stand out.
Hi!
I would second the “flying at the front of the V” post, fractal flowers, and the book of me posts (BTW, one thing in the book of me me is that it is totally legitimate to crib things that resonate from other books of me’s… :D)
and I did a google search to see what I commented on, because those probably moved me somehow. I checked out the ones that weren’t chickens or VPA’s and here are some that I found that I really liked for one reason or another:
http://fluentself.com//blog/biggification/red-velvet-ropes-in-all-the-right-places/
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/crumbling/
http://fluentself.com//blog/biggification/turning-points/
http://fluentself.com//blog/biggification/to-hell-with-transparency/
There are others, of course… too many to choose!
xoxo!
Oh bother now I don’t remember the titles or the URLs and I possibly might be mixing up elements from different posts, thinking they were in the same post. And then I’m going to end up with a list too long to be useful… Sorry for that…
So, a list of some of my favourites:
– not a blog post, but I love-love-love it, I always scroll down to read this first: the Fake Band of the Week. Just one guy, though.
– the post about Bolivia. I found it so perceptive and clear, and the meaning was hidden and obvious at the same time and it is beautiful and just perfect.
– the post about Rabbit holes (permission slip! not thwarting yourself all the time! yay!)
– the post about Doing just one thing. Although it’s veeeery advanced practice ;).
– the post about the culture of Fluent Self and how you model it without having to be prescriptive about it. I’m always amazed at how you pull this off gracefully and efficiently and seemingly effortlessly.
– the post where you talk to a wall and it hangs its head at some point.
– the post where people from your past come to talk on your behalf to (a wall? a monster?) and Andrey Lappa comes and also your ex-husband.
– the post about Something to believe in.
– the post about What is true. What is also true.
– all posts about your uncle Svevo and going to visit him and living in a cabin in the woods and taking naps twice a day!
– the post (posts?) about finding something different. Just a tiny thing that’s different, because then it’s not “as always, and there we go again, and why do you always, and why can you never etc.”
– the post about being dragged kicking and screaming out of your comfort zone.
– the post about how, when you do something like coaching, you have to help people approach you in their own time and give them steps to come nearer. From subscribing to a blog, all the way to doing one-on-one coaching with you. I think it talked about a protective translucent bubble. And I think it also had Hiro in it.
– and the post about your friend who died. This one has a special sacred place.
All of these posts bring tears to my eyes, not in a sad way, but because they make me feel so alive. It’s like being FINALLY handed a map with a “YOU ARE HERE” sign. And then my better, more fluent self calls me on my cell phone and says “Hey, where are you now?” And I say “I’m at the corner of… panicky and depressed. Or at selfish and inconsistent.” And my better self goes “Ok. I’ll meet you there in five. See you soon!”
Or sometimes I just feel like waving to myself. “Oh hi me! Had no idea you were here! How have you been all this time?”
So thanks. Your blog is a lifeline!
Bolivia spoke to me so loudly it was…amazing.
All your posts on de-piling have been really, really helpful to me.
Your posts on the Book of Me and about Emergency and not-Emergency vacations have helped me so much also!
Yay for Havi and Selma!
The just one thing post, hands down. It really helps me when I feel overwhelmed.
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/there-are-two-kinds-of-asking-why/
I bookmarked this post because it really helped me during “Freak Out” time.
I’ve used the Monster Manual a lot. It really helps to have a light-hearted place to go to that helps me remember that the Stuck is not All There Is. It helps me shift where I’m at, if only a teensy bit.
Beloved Lurker surfacing here…
Bolivia was my favorite post. I loved it. It articulated so much of what I feel. Thank you so much for that post.
Hard to decide on favorite posts! But here are the ones that really stood out for me.
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/except/
http://fluentself.com//blog/personal/a-whispered-conversation-with-my-sore-throat/
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/adaptation-and-change/
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/the-unhostile-takeover/
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/amnesty/
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/bolivia/
Thanks for giving me an excuse to re-read these.
Love!!
Danielle
“This.” and “Rabbit holes” were in my email inbox right at the time when I seemed to need them.
And as with so many, “Bolivia” spoke to me and to so many of my friends.
Any posts about the “Book of me”.
Thank you for asking 🙂
YESSSSS. Sort-out time!
Top of the visit counts for me is the two posts on exiting the middle. Why? Capturing the essence and the why of conscious engagement, and also it happened to chime with what I already do in a certain context (singing in a close-harmony group).
Ah. But top of the whoa for the time I’ve been reading (LONG TIME LURK!) has been this. http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/avoidance-oh-and-getting-out-of-it/ The idea that, uh, duh, the thing is avoidy because it’s so enormously important to you (me) (us). Also because it linked with Steven Pressfield’s ‘The War of Art’, which made me go OH! RESISTANCE!.
Tripping over stuff. Because it makes me smile so much; it’s one of my favourite stories. http://fluentself.com//blog/not-hating-on-yourself/tripping/ (Which is already there! But it still is.)
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/regret-patterns-decisions/ – because of the canopy of peace, and I guess the fact that practice does in NO WAY have to be all focused and hard-edged and definable. Mind you, not entirely sure it’s appropriate for a ‘read this’. Just a personal vvvv memorable. (((havi’s insides))) (((my insides too, and all mice)))
http://fluentself.com//blog/mindful-time-management/i-dont-care/. Because: not pushing. Because: everything. Yes.
Monster-watching. Because it’s a primer. It might also growl a bit. http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/monster-watching-some-notes/
This one is another old love. YES! Asking the wrong question: getting the wrong answer. I love it, and I have a problem with lovely warm beds too, or rather I did (!) http://fluentself.com//blog/newsletter/the-wrongest-question/
http://fluentself.com//blog/personal/tension-attention/. I think. The big thing of things trying to protect you (me) (us) (etc). Only that protection can be so tightly wound. (Also, ((((havi’s arms))))).
http://fluentself.com//blog/personal/on-ptsd/, because it makes me cry, or want to, and it’s with the agonising awe of you mean I’m not broken forever just because of the scale of my broken? and oh oh oh oh OH, love. Oh love. Oh.
http://fluentself.com//blog/not-hating-on-yourself/the-secret-life-of-burnout/, because: grounding.
Oh my goodness, this. Not because it’s stuck in my head, but because I just found it again, and it reminded me of how easily I drop habits, and again that it’s not just me and it’s not set in stone and what might be going on there and there’s probably a way. http://fluentself.com//blog/habits/when-habits-go-bad/
Walls. Probably all posts about walls. I think I read these before I started bookmarking; back when I’d come here through persnicket-Jesse and she was very much at the beginning of blogging, and it was all ever so new for me to encounter, but. Just ‘but’. It’s still there, I think that’s what it is.
Oh my goodness, basics again: http://fluentself.com//blog/habits/dont-face-your-fear/. You don’t have to face your fear and you don’t have to bloody well go outside your comfort zone! Down with not-meeting-yourself-where-you-are! I feel like I have a little revolutionary flag.
♥
Now I’m going to re-file those slightly separately, too. And eventually, eventually, eventually give back, as well. (If there are any commenter mice in the UK! I offer tea to all. Seriously.)
I loved the harbor seal post! It got me thinking in a really non-confrontational way about how I approach life and projects, and what gives me the most contentment and joy. I had some lovely talks with my monsters stemming from that.
My Favorite Posts:
I don’t have a specific post in mind, but the stuff about the throwing of shoes – I found that concept a really helpful way of thinking about it – it caused a shift in me.
Monsters and talking to yours….
and my very favorite, totally knocked me over, amazingly powerful thing post is:
Bolivia
I’m not sure why, since this isn’t a big issue for me (at least I don’t think it is…) but I found that post so amazingly powerful, and still do. I think part of it is that the writing is brilliant, and part of it is that the energy of sovereignty is so powerful in it.
Thanks for all you do!!
One post that I found to be very helpful was about creating a safe space for “then-me” and it had cushions and crayons, and 2 ferocious lions guarding the door. I can’t remember which post it was, and it’s a theme that’s come up a few times. I wish I could be more specific — I can see it in my head, you know? It has been a very useful post for me.
Thanks!
They are all absolutely fabulous. But my personal number one:
Structures and shelter.
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/structures-and-shelter/
Thanks for all the great inspiration!
My favourite is red velvet ropes – the whole gentle idea of Your Right People is so right. I find it less scary to help my people find me, rather than try and make anyone who comes across me into My right person. As someone who has been to Bolivia twice, your Bolivia post made me realise that although I thought I understood, I probably didn’t.That helps me listen more and that is good. On a practical really helpful all the time, have-it- printed -out way is http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/there-are-two-kinds-of-asking-why/ because it helps distinguish between monster questions and useful questions.
The one about The Bridge. I had an epiphany while commenting on that post.
just wanted to add one more of my favorite responses – it was last year titled something like this “not everything deserves a response”
i am using that in this moment to not respond to something that does not deserve my attention which is why i thought of it.
http://fluentself.com//blog/personal/not-everything-requires-a-response/ – well done havi.
Ten good reasons why The Monster Manual and Coloring Book rocks out.
1. The monsters are totally less scary on paper than they seem when they’re, you know, inside your head. In fact, most of them are actually kind of cute.
2. It gives you an excuse to go and buy some colored pencils or markers. And USE them!! Yay!
3. The techniques totally work.
4. The whole concept allows you to recognize that these ‘monster’ voices are part of YOU so they are actually on your side even if it feels like they’re very mean and abusive.
It helps you to recognize that they’re (often) child-like parts of yourself using old, old techniques that maybe helped you out sometime, once a long long time ago.
It helps you to recognize that they’re trying to look after you but they’re not doing a very good job because they don’t have all the experience and information that you do. The critic doesn’t even HEAR anything but criticism so OF COURSE it’s not going to remember all the good stuff that people have said. That’s your job now.
It lets you get on with the job of giving these scared, child-like parts of yourself what they need. Generally – reassurance, facts, permission to retire (or at least go on holiday for ten minutes), comfort, permission, comfort, cookies, permission, comfort.
It puts YOU in charge. You get to be the king or queen of your whole life INCLUDING what goes on inside your head! Astonishing, but true!
5. Because you’re working with child-like parts of yourself they generally LIKE coloring in pictures too. Yay for childhood for the child-like parts of us!
6. Some of my monsters have got so used to the process that now all I have to do is ask if I need to haul a Technique out, to which they either say “yes that would make me feel better”, or “no I just need xxxx please”. It’s efficient.
7. The techniques totally work.
8. You get to color in cute monsters!
9. You actually get to LIKE some of your monsters! It’s kind of sweet how they really, truly, sincerely want to help, even if the only way they can think of is by being ridiculously abusive… Once they get to see that there are OTHER ways to help they’re usually quite amenable.
10. Did I mention coloring and also techniques that totally work?
So many favourites… so many I forget… so many I’ve recommended to others…
All I can think to say right now is that maybe this would be a lot easier if you could just grab a plugin (this site is done in WordPress or some other CMS, right?) that could actually check out the popularity of each article by the number of times it’s been loaded and read, or by how many comments are on the article. After all, if an article inspires a heck of a lot of comments, it’s because it resonates well with a lot of people. Or maybe, if not a plugin, maybe some other data or service is available somewhere that can help.
I can also see that knowing the “cold popularity measure” might be a little scary: what if one of the most popular posts is one that you really don’t want random passers-by to see until they’ve read a few other posts? There might be a way to configure a plugin to not include certain posts, or something.
I know we’re not really supposed to give advice, but you were asking about our favourites, and I can’t really think of an easier way to gauge the favourites of *everybody* across the board except by seeking numbers.
And this idea clouded my head so much I couldn’t really think of any specific favourites, except some of the ones mentioned above that are so good, I keep going back to them when I’m feeling stuck: two kinds of asking why, and grinding wheels. But there’s so many others on the tip of my brain that are not mentioned above! Like pretty much any one I’ve commented on, or linked to from my own blog: in each case, it was because I felt genuinely moved to do so. This is why I have suggested using links or comments to gauge interest level… even though this doesn’t say much for the people who rarely comment or don’t have a blog… oh the circles I spin when I try to analyze! 🙂 Pattern! 😛
Hi Havi, thanks for all the great work you do!
My favourite posts:
Day 4 syndrome (http://fluentself.com//blog/habits/day-4-syndrome/) – After I read this I started noticing it in everything!!! Everything! I had a day 4 moment this week and it’s so much easier to cope with the fear and the stuck now that I can recognise it for what it is.
Bolivia (http://fluentself.com//blog/habits/day-4-syndrome/) – I am approaching “the age” and feel a lot of conflict, uncertainty and confusion about this. I found your post comforting and it gave legitimacy to my feelings.
Now off to read everyone else’s favourite posts…
Excitement! I went through my RSS feeder and found all your posts that I had starred, because I felt “Oh YES!” when I read them.
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/this/
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/fractal-flowers/
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/some-things-i-have-learned-about-sovereignty/
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuff/bolivia/
http://fluentself.com//blog/stuckification/not-actually-a-test/
And reading through them all again I still think “Oh, just YES”. I personally found a lot of meaning and epiphanies in these posts, and they help me make sense of my world. Jobs well done, Havi 🙂