The Fluent Self

What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

What's in the gallery?

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

It starts with an A…

by Havi Brooks | Oct 1, 2013 | stuff I think about

I am thinking about a word and it starts with an A.

Actually, I am thinking about many words that start with A.

This is reminding me a bit of trying to figure out the real name of the Schmoppet, which might or might not begin with a C.

Is it Alabaster?

Nope.

But that is a lovely word that begins with A.

And I am really into lovely words that begin with A. At least, this week I am.

Is it …Aardvark?

We used to sing this song at socialist summer camp. Probably it is sung at all summer camps?

It starts with an ‘A’ — Aardvark, Aardvark
And ends with a ‘K’ — Aardvark, Aardvark
Not easy to say — Aardvark, Aardvark
But try anyway — Aardvark, Aardvark
A-A-R-D-V-A-R-K — Aardvark!

There is a Voyage that begins with an A.

I am really into entry: preparing for a voyage.

The assumption here is that anything at all can be a voyage. Just like how anything can be a door or a home or a project.

And just as anything can be a voyage, anything can have qualities that define it, inform it, accompany it, infuse it with goodness.

We can call these the qualities of the voyage.

Qualities of the [Voyage that begins with an A] that begin with an A.

Well, some of them. Qualities and magic words.

Anchor
Allowing
Access
Appreciation
Anticipation
Activation… Activate!
Action
Adaptability
Acceptance
Alignment
Affection
ADORATION
Accessibility
Aspiration
Admiration
Ability
Awe
Assurance
Adventure
Ascent
Annoint
Attune
Availability
Alertness
Accompaniment
Abundance
Authority
Axis
Art
Amnesty
Agility
Attentiveness
Assertiveness
Authenticity
Autonomy
Adjustment
Agency (my current favorite, as a spy who is an agent who has AGENCY and also works for the Agency of Agency)

Not to mention the wonderful superpower of Asking and Answering. And the superpower of Arcs and Arks. Archways and Apertures.

And other fun A things. Like anagrams, alliteration, allegory, acronyms. Arabesques and acrobatics. And aardvarks.

Rallying around the A.

This week is Rally (Rally!), which is my favorite thing in the world.

It is the first Rally that we’ve had since April.

And the VERY first Rally of the Alphabet Carousel Rallies. It is the A of the Alphabet.

It is going to be amazing, because Rally is always amazing, but also because these Rallies are exceptionally amazing, and also amazing is a word I like that begins with A.

I will tell you later (sooner, I hope) about some of the specific things that are making these new Rallies extra-amazing, but for now I am going to delight in things that start with A.

I am going to wear the aspiration of Assertiveness. Not just that: I am going to ABSORB it. ASSERTIVENESS is going to be the secret mission of this Rally. It will be my Ambition. It will be the Ambience. I will be Alert to it.

I am going to apply additives. I am going to have an affair with an apple. I will ascertain and adjourn, acquire and acquiesce. According to the As.

It is just the beginning. Of the alphabet, and of all kinds of other things.

Play with me. How the commenting blanket fort works!

We can name things that begin with A.

We can enjoy these qualities and magic-words, or add more (addition, another wonderful word that begins with A!) of our own.

If you want to whisper-whoosh any qualities that appeal to you, go for it.

If you want to share in any of qualities, you can. They work like the salves in the Friday Chicken: just take some, there is always more.

If you want to throw some superpowers into the pot for Rally, that is welcome.

Waving from the Playground! Whispering loving spells that begin with A and A and A, for myself, and for anyone who wants…

Visions #221: do I want the thing that I think I want?

by Havi Brooks | Sep 29, 2013 | my personal practice

Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Do I want the thing that I think I want?

Isn’t that always the question…

This question is relevant to many things I am currently working on at the moment, and I am going to use one example and let it stand in for all the other things.

I have this wish to be green.

Not green, not exactly. To have a bright green light that people can see that shows that I am too busy to do any of the things they want to invite me to do.

I have this wish to be visible.

Not visible, not exactly.

I have this wish that people in my life could see — literally see with their eyes — how [insert string of Arabic curse words here] stressed and busy I am right now.

For example, if I were the actual captain of an actual ship, trying to make the harrowing journey around Cape Horn without the ship crashing onto the rocks, my friends would not say things like “Hey Havi, do you want to do this thing?” They would help. Or get out of my way.

Or if I were the captain of the fire department and the town was on fire.

Of if I were the CEO of a large company, and had to let go of thousands of employees.

Or if I was at the bedside of an ill loved one.

I keep wanting to say, help or get out of the way.

I keep thinking I want some way for people to SEE. So they could think, ah got it, code very-very-green, the lantern is glowing, this is not a good time to bring something to Havi, unless it is either helpful to the mission or supportive of Havi getting more rest so she can do the mission.

But is that what I want?

What else do I know about this?

I have a deep need for appreciation and acknowledgment
I want my pain to be seen! But not too much!
this is related to the Inherited Pattern Of Secretiveness.
hmmm maybe I need to treat myself the way I want other people to treat me, to let my situation be a big deal to me, and not brush it off…
processing helps, stone-skipping helps, dancing helps, walking helps, water helps, so why am I not doing these things first?
time for myself: if I don’t take it, no one is going to give it to me, I could be better at insisting on it
quiet is hard to come by right now because of (circumstances), so what am I going to do about that?
basically, this is all about taking action and setting up what I need, instead of feeling frustrated when other people are not seeing what I want them to see…
trust more
this is temporary
everything will be better soon
I don’t have to know what I want in order to take care of myself, I can try things.

What will help?

If the thing that I want is to be taken seriously, whatever that means….

And if the thing that I really want is to take myself seriously, whatever that means…

And if the way I take things seriously is through playing…

Then I am going to PLAY. With seriousness.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Same compass as the last weeks, the qualities of the compass of Operation Jewel Star, now combined with the Vicarage compass:

VITAL Replenishing. INTERNAL Play. GOLDEN COMPASS of Presence. ALIGNING with Pleasure. RESETTING Plenty. ACCESSING my Radiance. GLOWING Receptivity. ENERGY that is Resonant.

And the superpower of I Get To Receive The Radiant Sweet Essence Of What I Want, Even If My Guess About What I Really Want Is Off Base.

What might help?

Interviewing the me who takes herself seriously, or: who treats herself the way she wants to be treated. There has to be some part of me who knows how this works, right?

What I want.

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

Progress on the ops!
Miracles everywhere.
The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
This doesn’t require my input!
Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
Past me is a GENIUS.
I sleep like the happiest baby.
I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
Hawaii.
People are signing up for Rally (RALLY!), and planning the rallies is super fun and exciting.
I can see why this moment is good.
Trust and steadiness.

This week’s ops?

The life of a Chocolatier
Operation Extra-Extra Chocolate Sprinkles
The MAGIC EIGHT BALL REASONS
Operation A Loved Little Thing, take 3
Operation The A of A
Mission: I Have A Vision!

Or, possibly, I take a look at the giant box of iguanas instead. Have an internal treasure hunt.

Here is my plan: I do what I can, and trust that whatever happens is good.

I’m playing with…

Mapping and napping. Dancing it out. Taking it to Rally (Rally!) this week, I am very excited about this.

Request!

Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?

Announcement!

Do you want to be on the STANDBY list for Rally?

We have a fantastic deal available for the B Rally, the second of the Alphabet Rallies. And if you can’t make it, go there anyway and sign up to be notified next time there’s a stand-by deal!

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka A hollow tree that is a door that is a resting place…

Silent retreat for now…. and a loving thank-you to me of last week who asked the right questions, with love. I got what I asked for, in ways I appreciate but did not expect!

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.

xox

Friday Chicken #270: yeah, that could have been more horrible

by Havi Brooks | Sep 27, 2013 | stuff I think about

Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.

It is Friday and we are here.

With the glorious (glorrrrrrrrrrrious!) return of the wham boom.

What worked?

COLORS!

I used colors to solve a problem, and I did not expect this to work, but it did.

Not only did substituting colors for emotion help me write about the situation, it also helped me move past the emotion long enough to see the solution, which in turn helped resolve a bunch of the feelings.

I feel Tangerine and Turkish Rose about this!

Anagrams, again.

Seriously, anagrams. Anagrams and exclamation points.

I was super stuck on a writing project that I was calling Wackadoodle Backadoodle, so I made up a game with the same name, and looked up anagrams:

A Cabala Docked Doodle Wok! A Baa Deadwood Locked Lock! A Cacao Addled Bowled Kook! A Cakewalk Bladed Coo Dodo! A Cakewalk Boa Coddle Dodo! A Awaked Oddball Code Cook! A Koala Deadlock Boded Cow! A Awake Blockaded Odd Loco!

Obviously, I already felt better because how could you not? A Cabala Docked Doodle Wok!

And then everything felt lighthearted and easier, and I played the game (which involved Look At Everything On The Internet For An Hour, as well as much awarding of sparklepoints), and went back to writing. Doodle Wok!

Validation and legitimacy.

I’d been feeling so incredibly frustrated and upset about [Situation X], and this was exacerbated by how not frustrated everyone else seems to be about it.

This week I talked this over with lots of people, and they all said OHMYGOD THIS IS THE WORST, and that was really helpful.

While turning to external sources of legitimacy is not the end-goal, it was so useful for me to experience what it is like to be in an environment where people see what I’m seeing, and recognize the problem as what it is: a huge problem.

I like to think that this is retroactively healing pain-from-then for Tiny Me as well.

Next time I might…

Remember the thing about the week after.

Last week was just ridiculously productive, and so I did the thing where I want it to continue forever.

Except that’s not how the creative process works. You blossom, you rest. You plant, you rest.

This week I wanted to MAKE STUFF GO, but it wasn’t the week for that. It was the week for reflecting and transitions.

Once I recognized the pattern I was in, I was able to let myself go for a walk, take a shower, watch the cop show that I call Suspiciously Good Looking Canadians. Looking for clews instead of trying to make “progress”. And once I did that, the work problems started solving themselves.

More space in-between.

Yup, still figuring out buffers and transitions, and the question of “how much space is enough space, given that however much I plan for is never even close to enough?”, or is that even the question.

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

Being around people every day! I am not built for this. A breath for me who needs so much more space than other people seem to.
This week was not a week for Getting Things Done. This was a week for processing. It was hard for me to let this be the truth of right now. A breath for recognizing that my resistance wants to keep me safe.
Situation X with the fromagerie. This has gone so beyond the limits of my patience. A breath for the pain of dealing with this.
Other people not understanding why I am so upset about this. A breath for wanting to be seen and heard.
There are too many things to work on. A breath for the impossibility of this.
Getting ready for the Open House was crazy stressful and a huge amount of work just leading up to it, even before the part about “be social for three hours”. A breath for that.
Identity stuff. Making peace with being The Reluctant Chocolatier. A breath for “we’re over here now”.
Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

I did not have any anxiety this week, even about the really scary things which are still scary. This week I was calm, centered and steady. A breath for the wind changing.
Monsieur LeBlanc of the Other Agency decided we need to learn the foxtrot. Like, the actual foxtrot. Not a proxy. This is outrageously fun, and Dancer Me is loving it. A breath of joyful appreciation.
The Floating Playground (aka the Floop!), my online community — now in its fifth year/incarnation really and truly is the most loving, compassionate, sovereign, playful place ever. I felt that so strongly this week. A breath for companionship and caring.
Friends. Audrey and I went to the Dance Surge party at Whatsit, which was hilarious, then had dinner with Marisa and Richard. The Open House was like a reunion of people I love who have been to Rally! Julie and Ealasaid and David and Denise! Kyle was there! A breath for having people you love in your life.
Writing writing writing writing. A breath for writer me being back in a new way.
The Open House was way less stressful than anticipated, especially given that it was being held by two giant introverts (me and Richard) who would rather do pretty much anything than “be around people and talk to them”. I actually had a good time. And I enjoyed discovering how much I love being able to [make a certain kind of chocolate] for people. As R said, “Well, that could have been more horrible”. High, high praise. A breath for things not being horrible.
Nights. The nights of this week were very, very good to me. A breath for that.
Everything is okay. It just is. A breath for trusting.

WHAM BOOM! Operations completed:

The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this thing is done! It is often shortened to wham-boom. You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.

~~Undercover: Sweet Home Alabama Crimson~~
~~Mission Cask Be Fed~~
~~Operation Apple Love~~
~~Milagrotag~~
~~Operation Chicken Has Wings~~
~~Operation Hail Kaiser Take 3~~
~~Mission I Have A Vision~~
~~Operation Secret Keys And Codes~~
~~Operation Bee on Bee~~

WHAM BOOM!

Superpowers!

A superpower I had this week…

The superpower of not answering boring questions. And no one being offended or even really noticing that I didn’t answer.

Also the superpower of BOUNCE-BOUNCE!

And a superpower I want next week.

The superpower of feeling ready for anything.

Salve.

The salve of quiet appreciation.

This salve takes care of appreciation in all forms. When you apply it to your skin, you feel appreciative and appreciated. So, for example, you start to notice all the tiny little things that are beautiful, sweet, charming, reassuring, supportive. And other people begin to see and remember all the things they appreciate about you. The right things, the things you want to be seen or are delighted to have people notice. The world begins to reverberate with tiny thank yous.

It is charged up with SIMPLICITY. Appreciation and simplicity. Appreciation broken down into simplicity, made simple.

It might also be a love potion for yourself.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.

This week’s band is called

A Laundry List of Deception

I think they should pretty much only make music for James Bond films.

And yes. It’s just one guy.

Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.

You guys you guys you guys!

There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)

If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have deals so get on the list.

The current deal, for Rally B, is a spectacularly great one.

Also if you know people in Portland and you can help spread the word about our Red Rose Ballroom or help do that on facebook, that would be hugely appreciated!

That’s it for me …

Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!

We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.

Feeling fairly Alabama Crimson.

by Havi Brooks | Sep 26, 2013 | my personal practice

So yesterday I was feeling so many feelings, lots and lots of feelings, related to a particular [Situation X].

Actually, this situation and I have been having the feelings together for a few months now.

And, as you might suspect, I’ve been working/playing with both feelings and my relationship with the situation. Playing with and around them in a variety of ways, taking my time, because there is Stuff in here, and sometimes you have to dance around the edges of Stuff, because: Safety First.

But yesterday I was at the point where I had to Make An Actual Decision Related To The Ballroom. I needed to ask for input, and didn’t have a way to do this, because of the Really Big Feelings.

Big, big feelings.

Big, not fun feelings. Anger, distress, resentment, frustration, despair. And also shame about those feelings, and about my paralysis in dealing with both the situation and the feelings. Sticky.

I needed a way to bring [Situation X] to my partner in crime so we could brainstorm solutions, in a way where we could talk about what the next possible step is instead of me raging and stomping.

Not that raging and stomping is the wrong thing — sometimes it is a very right thing. What I really wanted though was an interruption from that, a break from that. To sit and strategize, without my big emotions taking over the stage to perform their giant broadway number about HELLO, MY FEELINGS.

While still, of course, allowing my feelings to be legitimate, which they are, and to have space, which they should, because feelings are always legitimate and deserving of space. And I still get to do jazz hands. Jazz hands!

So first I turned Situation X into a Cheese Shop.

It is pretty much always easier to talk about a substitute thing than it is to deal directly with the thing itself.

My post about Bolivia is a really good example of this.

It’s the only civil discussion I have ever seen on the internet about the topic of an adult (me) happily living her life without children. I wrote this three years ago, there are two hundred and sixty six comments, and not one person hurled accusations of selfishness at me or told me how they think I should be living my life, which is exactly what would happen if I were to talk about this in public without the sweet filter of metaphor.

So the Situation became a Fromagerie, and that made it easier to talk about.

But there were still these big, big feelings.

Alabama Crimson, baby.

It occurred to me that while it is useful for me to know what all my feelings are regarding this situation, the people advising me on what to do about it do not need all those details.

They need to know about the practical stuff. They can know about the fact that yes, I have big feelings, but they don’t actually need to experience my wrath.

I translated my feelings into colors.

You could read into the colors if you wanted to. But you didn’t have to. The feelings became extras in the scene, instead of the protagonists. The feelings became the person playing the triangle, instead of the whole orchestra.

I used this lovely list of colors, and here’s the best part:

The more colors I used, the more fun I was having. Partly because it was secret agent code. Partly because it was playful and creative. Partly because colors make everything better. Partly because I’ve spent two months thinking “I’m Feeling So Hurt And Angry”, and now I got to be Alabama Crimson, which is rich and vibrant and spectacular.

The feelings still get to be heard. By me.

Here are some examples of the way I used colors while documenting the history of the Cheese Shop Situation.

“Some days this is easier than others, some days it is nearly impossible. On the best days I feel reasonably Brunswick Green about this, on other days my feelings are more Bitter Lime.”

Or:

“I felt pretty Crimson Glory about that part because this was useful and convenient!”

And:

“I realize now that we should written that into the agreement, but (for reasons that I am now very Alabama Crimson about), I made the choice not to fight them on this.”

Here is a sweet little miracle.

I woke up this morning, and for the first time in three months, I do not feel Alabama Crimson about this situation.

I feel strongly about it, and I am ready to take action, but here is what I am not feeling: I’m not feeling overwhelmed by the feelings anymore.

I’m also not feeling upset about the fact that I am feeling the feelings.

This may be in part because it is apparently easier (for me) to remember that it is legitimate to feel Dark Byzantium than it is to remember that it is legitimate to feel dark, scary feelings.

And it may be because using the cheese shop and the colors gave me just enough emotional distance so that I could get closer to the parts of me who were getting lost. Stepping out so that I can draw in.

I find this reassuring. Feeling emerald about it too. Emerald and hopeful.

Play with me?

Here are the principles of how commenting works here: We play! We take care of ourselves. We remember that people vary! We do not tell each other what to do or how to feel or how to be. We are on permanent vacation from advice-giving and care-taking.

Things I am receptive to for this post:

Saying names of colors! Feeling feelings in colors. Sparks sparked for you. Ways you might end up playing with this. Excitement for me because I am making progress with the cheese shop situation. Commiseration for how much Alabama Crimson has been going on. Any or all of those.

And, as always, I love flowers.

Visions #220: a hollow tree that is a door that is a resting place

by Havi Brooks | Sep 22, 2013 | my personal practice

Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

What if all of these are related and I don’t need to know how?

The situation. And background.

My wants this week are all vying for attention, each one making a pitch for why it is the most vital.

Yes, my darlings, you are all so important to me.

So I am going to whisper all the wants into a hollow tree that is secretly a door to a machine that processes all the wants and turns them into qualities, which leads to quiet, which leads to resting.

And I want (this is my biggest want) to trust that they are all connected, they are all related, whichever one I work on is enough.

I want to…

breathe eight breaths.
write and write and write, without measuring the writing or caring about word count or pages
know that when I am not-writing, this is also part of writing
measure some things, even though I think measuring is a distortion, because it is useful to be able to prove to my time monsters that things take way more (or way less) time than they think.
be really present and do entry/preparation for two potentially stressful interactions this week
take care of myself during the dance class and have really clear boundaries
enjoy the Open House, while creating safety for myself
nap joyfully!
trust more
wham-boom the ops!
adjust to being at home again
take more time for myself than I think I need

What will help?

Secret codes.

Boltholes.

Eight directions.

Being a golden compass.

Remembering that I am the pirate queen. Seriously, if I were the captain of the ship, or the CEO of a giant company, or the chief of police, or the PERSON IN CHARGE, which I am, and the ship or the company or the city was in a temporary state of crisis, which it is, would I not take better care of myself and do what is needed so that I could effectively do what I need to do? I hope that I would. This might be very much the wrong analogy, but I am using it anyway.

If I have to get this ship around Cape Horn and I can’t get enough sleep because the three year old next door has full-blast 4 a.m. temper tantrums, and it is vital that I sleep because I am the one who steers the ship…

I’d like to think that I would have the [courage and integrity] or whatever it is to make sleep my priority. To move rooms so that I am not disrupted. To get noise-canceling headphones. To do something, anything, to take steps so that I can function, because taking care of me and the ship is the most important thing for the world.

What if I took myself and my mission more seriously? What then?

Without getting upset with people or circumstances, or all the things that want my time and energy. Just clearly saying: no, can’t do that, need to sleep.

What if I can take myself to the hollow tree that is a door that is a resting place?

The qualities inside of the wants:

Same compass as the last three weeks, the qualities of the compass of Operation Jewel Star, except now I am combining them with the Vicarage compass:

VITAL Replenishing. INTERNAL Play. GOLDEN COMPASS of Presence. ALIGNING with Pleasure. RESETTING Plenty. ACCESSING my Radiance. GLOWING Receptivity. ENERGY that is Resonant.

And the superpower of I Have Support Everywhere.

What might help?

Asking for what I need. Taking time for myself. Not apologizing.

Also, checking the menstrual-cycle-tracking app on my phone so that I have CONTEXT, so that if I feel enraged in response to the question “would you like to have dinner with my parents tonight”, I can remember that while the seed of the frustration I feel might be mine, the amount of it is hormones.

What I want.

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

Progress on the op!
Miracles everywhere.
The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
This doesn’t require my input!
Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
Past me is a GENIUS.
I sleep like the happiest baby.
I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
Hawaii.
People are signing up for Rally (RALLY!), and planning the rallies is super fun and exciting.
I can see why this moment is good.
Trust and steadiness.

This week’s ops?

The life of a Chocolatier
Operation Extra-Extra Chocolate Sprinkles
The MAGIC EIGHT BALL REASONS
Operation A Loved Little Thing, take 3
Operation The A of A
Operation Hail Kaiser, Final Steps!
Mission: I Have A Vision!
Operation Apple Love.

I do what I can, and trust that whatever happens is good.

I’m playing with…

Mapping and napping.

Request!

Announcement!

Do you want to be on the STANDBY list for Rally?

We have a fantastic deal available for the B Rally, the second of the Alphabet Rallies. And if you can’t make it, go there anyway and sign up to be notified next time there’s a stand-by deal!

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka Operation Buffer Magic….

This is the hardest thing for me, sometimes. Adding in extra padding in terms of space and time.

I’m really glad I wrote about it as a theme, because it helped me be more aware of how I am in transitions.

I especially noticed the parts of me that really do not seem to understand how transitions work.

Like, that voice that says “oh, it’s fine, you can totally put on liquid eyeliner two minutes before you have to leave for the bus, what could go wrong?”

Anyway, good noticings. Also I got a lot of help from people talking up the Open House at our Ballroom this coming Wednesday, thank you so much everyone who has been helping to spread the word!