What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Sliding into March like it’s a safe house.
I have been a bit wary about this passage between the months this time. Sometimes it happens.
It is part of being a spy. Bond Girl says:
All timing is right timing. Don’t sweat it.
So that’s how we’re going to play.
Come in, come in, superpowers of March, of marching, of smooth transitions. And when not smooth, conscious. Playful presence. Let’s do this.
Wriggling out of February. What worked?
The Vicarage.
Everything about taking two weeks off at the Vicarage.
Using Bork Bork Bork to run Rally (Rally!), or really, to [verb] it.
Putting phone in AIR/plane mode. Access. Internal. Resonance. Getting back to my plane. AIR. Plane.
So long, February. Things I might try differently next time?
I worried while I was away that maybe I wanted to bring too much of Vicarage back into daily life, but bringing even more Vicarage is actually what I’m wishing for now.
Which is another way of saying: Trust my instincts.
Landing into March. Hello, March.
Yes, we’ve been hanging out for a week or so.
But now I’m ready to sit cross-legged in front of you, March. To look into your eyes and extend my hand and say: I am here. I want to be here now.
Qualities I want for March.
Mystery. Harmony. Trust. Silence. Steadiness. Wonder. Simplicity. Resonance.
Let’s choose words for March.
Mystery. Definitely mystery.
I’m turning the page in the Stompopolis calendar.
Simplicity!
Perfect.
And I love the “why it’s so crazy it just might work”. That is exactly what I’m channeling right now.
Oh, and guess what is the funniest? The superpower listed is… tada! The superpower of Trusting Your Instincts. That’s what I was wishing for anyway.
March superpowers
The March superpowers are going to be the Bond Girl superpowers:
Strong, glowing, radiant boundaries. Extreme sexy confidence. Deep faith in provision. And of course: trusting my instincts.
And the superpowers of crocuses: spring is here.
Things I’m working on and playing with in March.
Emptying and replenishing. Living in air/plane mode.
Letting silent retreat solve all the challenges, while remembering that they aren’t challenges at all: they’re mysteries. And I like mystery.
Things I’m looking forward to in March.
Spring. Equinox. Windows. Fake Beach Day. Spring cleaning/sparkling. Being Bond Girl. Turning pirates into spies. Spies who are playing at pirates.
What March could be like.
Sweet and welcoming. Playful and present. Full of flowers.
Slightly future me says…
This is right. This moment right now: it is right. Anything you do in it is right, because you are paying attention, and you will learn useful things about what it is to be Havi Bell.
Naming the moon.
This is a tradition I borrowed from Waverly. You can read more about how I do it if you like.
The Moon of Hidden Jewels.
It’s a madcap caper, isn’t it? Bond Girl might even know where they are….
And?
I want to be here now.
Goodbye, beautiful February. Thank you for everything. Goodbye everything that is done. Thank you for being done. Mmhmm.
Hello, March. Hello, birthday month, for both me and The Fluent Self. I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad we get to play. I’m glad for the reminder that any time I say hello to you is the right time, and that I can’t say hello wrong, because being present and saying hello to things is part of being alive.
The secret word is ringleader. Ringleader. Over and out.
Play with me…
I mess around with entry and exit each month, going with whatever shows up.
For other versions, peek at 2011: July / August / September / October / November and December. Or 2012: January / February / March / April / May. A love letter to June / July / August / September / October / November / December / January
And of course last month.
Feel welcome to deposit notes for your entry into March here, if you like. Or drop off wishes or leave flowers.
We make this safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.
Wishing you a pleasure-filled, playful, welcoming March. And love. All the love.
Visions #192: Eric Donut Levels. Of Delight.
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
Only two wishes this week, but they’re kind of involved. And special.
And, I’m just now realizing, related.
Thing 1: Like Eric is about the donuts.
Here’s what I want:
I want people — people who appreciate magical wonder — to be as excited about Stompopolis as Eric is about these creme brûlée donuts!
“They’re not even donuts. They’re fine magical light fluffy pastries fried in truffle oil, under the disguise of a lesser name. The creme brûlée donut is the best but please note that creme brûlée donut is somewhat elusive. They only make a small amount, seemingly between 11 and noon, and sell out fast. Once they sell all their donuts, they close so: no set hours.
“They have a peanut butter and jelly one too that’s basically a jelly donut with powdered peanut butter. So when you bite into it, your saliva (sounds gross but bear with me) makes the peanut butter. And today’s creme brûlée came with an orange simple syrup in a squizzy thing that you pump into the donut before eating. Delightful!!! ”
Oh man.
I don’t even eat donuts and I want to be around these donuts. Well, I want to be around someone else while they’re eating these donuts.
I want to be around people who are this delighted in things in general, and I want people to talk like this when they talk about Stompopolis and how thrilled they are to have found it. I want ERIC DONUT LEVELS (E.D.L.) of gloriously joyful, over-the-top effusive delighted enthusiasm.
That is my beacon. That is the lighthouse I am following. That level of delight. Also people who can allow themselves to delight like that. I adore delight. It’s one of the best parts of being alive.
Though maybe that part isn’t necessary, because one of the magical things about Stompopolis is that people who do not normally delight in things find themselves delighting in ALL KINDS of things there…
The qualities inside of the want:
Delight, obviously. What else?
Joy. Enthusiasm. Presence. Sparks. Surprise. Wonder. Irrepressibility! Celebration.
And the superpower of Invisible But Secretly Visible Glitter Confetti.
Ways this might work:
People who have been to Stompopolis or visited it or played in it at Rally (Rally!) could write about it in some form. Not in a formal way, just referencing it and something about their experience and gleeful appreciation of its magic.
That would be amazing.
More people to play with us on the Stompy twitter and Facebook and instagram/stompstagram!
Our international Passionate Adorers of Stompopolis maybe know Portlanders who could also use some of this hot donut-like magic…
I have no idea. I am putting it here and letting the seed be seeded.
(Note: I don’t need marketing advice, I’m great at growing things, this isn’t about that, it is about delight.)
I’m playing with…
Enjoying. Enjoying that this level of enthusiasm exists.
And faith. Trusting and knowing that if ever there was a place in the world worthy of Eric Donut Levels of delight, I HAVE BUILT IT. Now it is time to let it be found by the people who need it and don’t know that they need it because who could know something like that?
p.s. If you’re coming to a Rally in 2014 (dates coming soon!), you’ll have to go try and find one of these donuts….
Thing 2: Something about removing contact points with toxicity.
Here’s what I want:
I am not entirely sure how to explain this.
Something about living in permanent silent retreat mode has made me extra-sensitive to all kinds of things.
No, that is not true. Living in permanent silent retreat mode has made me extra-aware of how sensitive I have always been, and how I don’t respect these sensitivities.
Which is interesting. I mean, if I were dangerously allergic to walnuts, for example, I’d commit to making sure I never consume anything with walnuts.
And yet, I am dangerously allergic to all kinds of subtle things. I know this. And I don’t do anything about it.
Example of this: I finally stopped taking dance class with the instructor who makes constant negative comments about her body. I don’t want to be around that. I don’t want to even be breathing the air of we’re-doing-this-because-how-we-are-is-not-good.
That’s not why I dance. I dance because I am ALIVE. Because of VITALITY and PLEASURE. I dance to feel like a gazelle.
Anyway. I’d like to get better at noticing all these access points where toxicity shows up (in the form of things that I perceive as potential allergens to me), and removing them.
The qualities inside of the want:
Spaciousness. Love. Presence. Steadiness. Protection. Shelter. Glow. Time.
And the superpowers of Taking Exquisite Care of Myself and Shining Radiant Boundaries Activate.
This is all related to the TIME class, of course. Yes.
Ways this might work:
More AIR (accessing internal resonance!), specifically via airplane mode on the phone.
I’m noticing kind of a more general wish that the entire world would come with trigger warnings: Hi, we’re about to talk about something horribly traumatic. Or: This short and pretentious piece of New Yorker fiction includes references to emotional abuse, heads up!
They sometimes give a warning on the radio if they’re discussing war crimes or whatever, but not with assault and physical abuse. World: please please please give us a chance to find a buffer and strengthen force fields before you spring this stuff on us.
Except, yeah. Since this might not happen for a few years: Havi Bell, please take time and space to make conscious decisions about what gets to be in your environment.
I’m playing with…
Paying attention to what I need, how I feel and what would help.
Talking to the monsters and using the coloring book & manual to dissolve pain.
(I see you, You’re A Big Crybaby Stop Being So Sensitive And Get Over It Already. And I know where you come from. You’re from then. And I know what you want: to keep me safe from pain. I’m on board with that mission too, so I know we can work this out.)
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Presence and play. Shelter and spaciousness. Delight and plenty.
This is what is important to me right now, in this and in everything. So this is good.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- Cutting the flower stems.
- Marigold missions. Package. Making this fun.
- Dance dance dance.
- Same as always: strong radiant glowing boundaries.
- Time with Bond Girl.
- Patience re Agent E. Trusting truth and letting this take as long as it takes.
- Compass.
- Giving R the booklet.
- Writing the bullet points. Hmm, rename bullet points? Kugelpunkte, which is not the same thing but should be, is way funnier. Mmm, kugel.
- Vitamin Sea.
- Activating the card.
- Tell Stan!
- Is it a rebus? More on the mystery of when is a chart not a chart? And when are pirates actually spies?
I’m playing with…
The superpower of remembering that challenges can be mysteries instead. And that this can be fun if I commit to letting it be fun.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to set up the Bond Girl mission, and I haven’t. However I’ve done a lot of thinking about it and am super excited. I also am getting the feeling that it needs to happen in May, so playing with that.
I asked what is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis and got the exact right answer. Now to set it up. Yes, setting things up is the challenge mystery at the moment, but I am trusting that all timing is right timing. And I will play with this at the wonderful Floop.
Then I wanted the 36 mish’alot, and that happened!
I asked for hamsas, and Richard made me one. By hand. And hand-painted it. And on the back it says: For the protection of Havi Bell.
Wow. Delight. See? Delight.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #241: oh right that kind of plane
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I wish to report that I took a two-hour nap EVERY SINGLE DAY THIS WEEK.
That’s basically the chicken. 🙂
What worked?
Silent retreat, still, again.
My god I love silent retreat.
Coming up with secret agent code for airplane mode on the phone.
AIR = Accessing Internal Resonance.
Plane = shutting down external input and interference from the outside plane so that I can access my internal plane. The plane of Havi Bell humming her secret hum. PLANE is also: Plenty. Light. Adventure. Newness. Effervescence.
Air/plane mode! With an 8-letter compass.
I feel good about this. And it made it so much easier to shut down the phone. Because why would I not want to access internal resonance? Yay.
Thank you everyone for the wonderful suggestions you made last week! Loved all of them, and they sent me on the right track. xo
Asking for reminders.
Trusting my instincts.
Next time I might…
Remember the superpower of Yay Regrets!
This is a superpower that I came to, somewhat circuitously, by way of my friends Max and Jeff, who do not know each other and should.
But basically it’s kind of like this:
Ahahahahahaaaaa I just made a terrible decision of hilariously terrible proportions and observed myself making it! So now it is therefore actually kind of a great decision, because look at this moment right now!
This will be the last time I consciously choose something like this that is so obviously not supportive of the good of me. So yay. And each time I choose not-this = yay. And also yay because I am noticing this. And also yay for everything that I am doing to interact with the already-decided decision and shift my relationship to it.
Anyway, this superpower worked great for me this week, once I remembered it. I want this one at the top of the bag where I can just reach for it.
Let the compass decide.
Every time I stopped trying to “make” decisions and just got quiet, everything was simple.
I want to remember this. More of this.
Things I found challenging.
- Making a guilt-based should-based decision that resulted in days of exhaustion.
- Oh the monsters.
- All the socialize. I do not like the socialize. Too Much Socialize. Serious suffering from Too Much Socialize sydrome. But mainly from ignoring the fact that I have it and trying to “act like a normal person” who likes being around people. The phrase “act like a normal person” courtesy of my monsters, obviously.
- Huge falling apart brought on by the Too Much Socialize. And specifically, Too Much Socialize in ways that is especially not conducive to Happy Havi. It took three days to recover from one not-aligned-with-what-I-wanted decision.
- Getting stood up. Twice.
- Well, experiencing that as my reality and using that as my vocabulary. Thinking that I was being stood up, and that this is even a thing.
- Growlsome! Thanks to my playmate for the word. I had a growlsome mood!
- Realizing how much information I had about what isn’t working, not able to see the information about what is. Leading to a visit from a gaggle of What’s The Point and Everything In Your Life Is Wrong monsters.
- Super creepy guy at the grocery store.
- Someone else’s exhausting and pointless drama. Getting involved in it before realizing what I was doing.
- The house needs new windows and to be painted.
- Internal misunderstandings.
Things I delighted in.
- I’m finding even more holes in the work systems and patch-patch-patch this is actually fun.
- Secret agent code got all the errands done. The Wall is Green. Repeat. The Wall is Green. Secret Serum X. Talk to Q.
- Mini-fake-beach-day with Danielle!
- Spring! Seeing the sky from the bedroom again. Light in the evening. Crocuses everywhere.
- Sweet and intense (and intensely sweet) time with someone close to my heart.
- Undoing the chrysalis and turning it into an 8 day compass-labyrinth that starts after my birthday instead of before.
- So much napping! So much playtime! So much writing! So many flowers.
- The most wonderful birthday ever.
- You know how much I love flowers, right? Of course you do. Also: my proxy mission at Crossing the Line (and therefore also secretly my mission for the entire year and maybe my life) was discovering how/why flowers make everything better. So imagine my astonishment and delight when I came home Thursday and there were gorgeous flower deliveries waiting for me.
- Thank you for the flowers, Rebecca and Andy and my beloved Hiro and also my parents, who get thanked for the flowers and for giving birth to me. And for the cheekbones. Well done. These are great cheekbones.
- Thank you [Floop!] for the phrase Happy Haviday. And thank you, Nick, for the phrase Feliz Havidad!
- The kind of socialize that is FUN and that I like, and that doesn’t wear me out. Beer and hilarity with my wonderful cousin Noah. Agent K taking me to see Thao and the Get Down Stay Down at the Doug Fir. One on one. Real conversation. Silent retreat. No pressure. Laughter and understanding. Playfulness! This is what Havi likes.
- Still hugely happy about successfully training adored housemate to add the word soccer to the phrase “I have some bad news”. Some bad SOCCER news.
- All the not-terrible [SOCCER] news. Like the first match of the season not being the disaster it looked like it was going to be. Like Diego Valeri, my god. Seriously, this goal. Oh, happiness.
- Everything about Stompopolis! Everything about the Floop!
- A healing from Wally that was out of this world.
- Surprise birthday candles at the pub. Thank you, Replacement Agent E, for setting that up and for standing in for my missing dining companion.
- I wasn’t stood up! I stood myself up by forgetting to say yes to an invitation. And also it is not being stood up, it is receiving a key to a secret door, and letting both key and door be whatever I need. Thank you, monster coloring book, for helping me resolve this.
- Speaking of monsters and how the coloring book and manual are magic, my Your Life Is A Disaster Look At Your Life monster revealed itself to be a collection of “we just want you to love your life” worries.
- And then I remembered that all this monster-ing happens every year on the day before my birthday! Which is why I like to plan for it with chrysalis. So then the whole mini-existential-crisis felt embarrassed for being predictable and fizzled, and we giggled about that.
- My playmate: “Havi Bell is not even one year old so I think we should be sweet and understanding.” Aw.
- Once all the pre-birthday monstering dissolved, I felt fantastic.
- The internal scientists have determined that my general Life Contentment is up by at least a million percent from last year. My five biggest life challenges that I was dealing with a year ago have actually all been resolved. That is amazing. My five current big life challenges are actually, shockingly, kind of no big deal compared with what I was dealing with a year ago. Huh.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
This Is Right. I Just Don’t Know How Yet. And I don’t need to know. Boom.
And a superpower I want next week.
Building in extra time for entry as a matter of course.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
I so wanted this week’s band to be Hither and Yawn, but apparently that has been done. Not by a band, but still.
Luckily I am pleased to present you with:
Shower Cap On The Moose.
Thank you, Ez.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Confidential to M.
I love you and I love your magical silent retreat treasure chest that arrived exactly on my birthday. I laughed and clapped like a tiny child who just caught a glimpse of a fairy. I loved each thing more than the next, and I especially loved that it was a metaphor and we both knew it was a metaphor, and how often does that happen?! This is a Havi whose heart is overflowing with delight. <3
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
If you have already been to a Rally, I have a lovely surprise for you coming up.
If you’re in Portland The Younger (the one in Oregon), come to Stompopolis and do some pop-ins!
Other than that, I recommend the class on TIME.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Visions #191: Two x life. Two x LIFE!
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
About this week’s wishes.
These are all birthday wishes.
Not birthday-wishes in the sense of things I want for the coming year, or for my birthday this week (Thursday), but wishes about how I want to mark this.
The day of my birthday also happens to be the birthday of my business. Seven years officially, and eight since the day the spark was sparked in my heart.
And this is not any birthday.
This is 36. Which is double-life. Two times life!
Hai in Hebrew means living or life. It’s the same word that my name comes from. And in gematriya, 18 adds up to LIFE. All multiples of 18 are considered special and kind of … charged.
This also happens to be the theme that chose me at Crossing the Line to take through 2013: the qualities of Vitality, Aliveness, taking exquisite pleasure and delight in the wonder of being alive. Taste, touch, color, texture, breath, all of it.
So here I am. The year of double-life. That’s what I’m thinking about.
Thing 1: Conundrum solved: now to set it up.
Here’s what I want:
So Bond Girl (incoming me) solved a conundrum in the most wonderful way.
The conundrum was this:
Here is a thing about being a Havi. Havis like to celebrate. They like joyful celebration! Well, this one does.
Except! Havi does not like being social. Not even slightly social. Havi likes to hide and retreat and be away from people. Havi is happiest when turning inward. And being around more than one other person (maybe two) needs to be avoided.
(Other than at Rally! Which is different.)
So how can I celebrate and still not get overwhelmed? That was the question.
Bond Girl solved it. Speaking of Rally (Rally!), she solved it while I was at Rally, because Rally is amazing and solutions just kind of show up.
So I know exactly what I want. It’s just a matter of implementing it. And it’s going to need to spread out over a couple of months…
The qualities inside of the want:
Playfulness. Glamour. Surprise. Delight. Spaciousness. Mystery. Pleasure. Passage.
And the superpowers of radiant glowing boundaries, Extreme Sexy Confidence, knowing that there is time, and filling up on peacefulness.
Ways this might work:
I got the name of the just-right accomplice/photographer from Rhiannon.
Now I need to figure out when, where, who and how.
But that’s something I could do during the thing that is not a chrysalis but like a chrysalis.
Also I know Kyle is super into this crazy plan, so maybe I can enlist him to help me plan it? Or to listen encouragingly and drink beer while I plan it?
I’m playing with…
There is time. There is time. There is time. I want this, and it’s going to happen, and there is time.
Thing 2: What is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis?
Here’s what I want:
Last year I took a week off and had birthday chrysalis at my favorite place in Portal Land.
This year, for a variety of reasons, that isn’t an option.
So I want something that is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis.
It needs to have the qualities of chrysalis and also involve Time In.
(Time In is what I call “time off”, because my monsters disapprove of time-off but they worry when I get overwhelmed. So we compromised. Time In is turning inward and giving myself replenishing time to make sure that I don’t get fried. And it doesn’t sound like vacation, which they think is extravagant and decadent…)
The qualities inside of the want:
Pausing. Replenishing. Presence. Shelter. Quiet. Peacefulness. Sweetness. Flow.
And the superpower of taking exquisite care of myself. And enjoying that, feeling pleased about it.
Ways this might work:
When I asked myself “what is like a chrysalis but not a chrysalis”, what I got in response was the word labyrinth.
A labyrinth.
So if I set up my week like a labyrinth, there could be pieces of turning inward everywhere that I cycle through.
Wally on Monday. Rebecca on Toozday. Pool. Water. Horizon. Like that.
I’m playing with…
Maybe tomorrow at Fake Beach Day I can work out what this might look like, what the elements are.
The main thing is that I need to let my housemate know that home is a chrysalis zone, and that I am on a time-out from talking about work stuff.
Thing 3: The 36 mish’alot.
Here’s what I want:
Mish’alot are wishes.
And I am making 36 of them.
Last year on my birthday I made three impossible wishes, and they all came true. It took them a while. They slid in at the end. But they are here.
This year: 36.
The qualities inside of the want:
Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.
Eight different kinds of love.
And the superpower of Trusting That From Now On All Timing Is Right Timing.
Ways this might work:
This needs to happen at the bar.
I’m playing with…
Wishing.
Thing 4: Hamsas.
Here’s what I want:
Tiny hamsas everywhere.
Like the one we have at the Playground. It’s by Adina Plastelina and it looks like this.
I want more of these, in different colors, in my office and at Stompopolis, and this feels really important and I don’t know why.
Not even sure what this ask is about yet. Just putting it here because it feels like it is related to this year of being vitally alive and committing to that.
The qualities inside of the want:
Beauty. Remembering. Trust. Courage. Protection. Quiet. Nest. Treasure.
And the superpower of letting things get taken care of.
Ways this might work:
Not sure yet.
I’m playing with…
Letting myself want the want without needing to know more about it yet.
Thing 5: The secret hat of double-life.
Here’s what I want:
[silent retreat]
This one needs to be silent retreated.
And, interestingly, it is also related to my experience of my first Thirty Six Days of Silent Retreat.
The qualities inside of the want:
Presence. Warmth. Pleasure. Welcoming. Community. Delight. Vitality Aliveness.
And the superpowers of Celebration through Steadiness, Sweetness through Grace.
Ways this might work:
By getting as quiet as possible.
I’m playing with…
What is quiet than whispering? Softer than humming?
That. Radiating and resonating.
Noticings about the things I want this week…
Man, shelter is a really big deal to me right now.
Not that this should be surprising, because it isn’t. Just really noticing that.
Bonus wishes, please!
Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.
- The secret and belated mishloach manot to be actually delivered in addition to existing. I forgot to emphasize that part of it!
- Costumes for Bond Girl.
- Taking out the part that doesn’t need me right now.
- Red Rose Missive.
- Moving the Marigold Mission to postcard.
- Being a surfer.
- What are the best earbuds? Who knows about this? (Suggestions welcome!)
- Renaming airplane mode. Ship mode? Silent retreat mode?
- Dipping dipping dipping dipping.
- Peacefulness.
I’m playing with…
Trust. Listening. Paying attention. Not speaking, and letting the not speaking solve everything for me.
To life, as they say.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted to talk to Bond Girl, and I’ve been doing a lot of that.
Operation Watch This, Baby (aka watch this, comma, baby) is still in progress. The good news is that I am far less worried about this than I was before.
Operation Dock Deck Five was a huge success.
Sparking the sparks about Stompopolis is also still in progress. Thank you everyone who liked us on Facebook and followed on Twitter and Instagram (Stompstagram!).
I think what I want next is for people who have been to Stompopolis or want to visit to write about it online in some form, yes. 36 Things: happened. As did: Winning At Pants. In more ways than one….
The rest I am re-planting for this week as well.
Renamed chicken parts for congruence: done! About page: updated.
Playing. Shelter for the comments.
What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.
I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.
We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.
This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.
That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!
As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.
xox
Friday Chicken #240: A little green bead.
Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I am exhausted.
But it’s the happy kind of exhausted.
What worked?
Silent retreat.
Seriously. It solves all the things.
Keeping the phone in airplane mode.
It’s like silent retreat for your phone!
Except I don’t like that phrase, so I will have to rename it.
Ship mode?
The point is, less interference. This was good.
Asking for reminders.
And then finding that they were already there.
Next time I might…
Pre-birthday planning.
It sneaks up on me.
Even when I plan to not let it sneak up on me!
So maybe planning isn’t the right word. Hmm.
Anyway, here I am a week before it happens, and I haven’t made space for my chrysalis.
Putting a little green bead here as a reminder.
And also whispering: Havi Bell. My love. All timing is right timing. And this — especially this — is right timing. This is going to turn out to be exactly right. And all you have to do is breathe and remember: Nothing Is Wrong.
Conduct even more!
I conducted like crazy this week. But you know what?
More conducting, please.
Things I found challenging.
- Deadlines.
- Missing a nap.
- Everyone is in town! I want to see everyone!
- Disappearing stone.
- On Sunday I walked all the way to my favorite place to lay with a project and take a nap, only to be driven away by the loudest car alarm ever.
- On Toozday, I took a cab all the way across town to go to a workshop, only to find that I couldn’t get into the building.
- Running into someone else’s scarcity monsters, reflecting back at me.
- Someone else’s Ludicrous Fear Popcorn triggering my Ludicrous Fear Popcorn. Having to remember that all fear is both legitimate and also slightly ridiculous.
- Two weeks in a row of no Fake Beach Day. Saddest face ever.
- Oh dear lord the amount of time and effort it took to get the Floop ready to go, even though we had prepped everything months ago. Unbelievable.
- Achy head
- Boundaries.
- Working on boundaries.
Things I delighted in.
- I’m finding all the systems holes and this is good!
- Thanks for the redirection! Both times that I went to the place that was not the right place, I ended up at an even better place. So it all worked out. Of course.
- Sweet joyful time with my playmate. Especially a long lazy Saturday morning.
- All the flowers.
- Mystery bagels with Taylor on Monday and Thursday.
- The stone returned.
- The best kind of surprises.
- (Thank you, Rudi, for planting the superpower of Good Surprises at Rally last week, I had nothing but good surprises this week!)
- A very calm, very quiet slightly-adventurous adventure with Galen, a good person to have a very calm adventure with.
- Successfully training beloved housemate to add the word soccer to the phrase “I have some bad news”. Yes. Some bad SOCCER news. Thank god. This has reduced the anxiety in my life by oh, let’s see, one hundred percent.
- New verb for standing watch at Stompopolis! Watering the watch.
- Stompopolis! Everything about Stompopolis! My dream of all Rally all the time: it is a reality at Stompopolis.
- Flirting outrageously without speaking.
- Remembering the two most important things in life: Shit Is Not About Me. And also, the corollary to that: Shit Is Also Not About Them.
- Awesome bout Friday where my Guns N Rollers kicked ass and also I got to sit with people I love watching other people I love do the thing I love. Wow.
- Fun people to play with.
- Marisa
- Foxy Jess! And the amazing tiniest-schmoo-schmoo-schmoo books she found for Stompopolis.
- Being Bond Girl.
- Oh, man. I got so much done this week!
- Dancing my ass off..
- Bond Girl solved my birthday conundrum.
- Tiniest-schmoo neighbor is now totally talking all the time and actually said, “Good morning, Havi! How are you?”. Admittedly at the prompting of his mama, but still. Neato.
- The 2013 Floop set sail away yesterday. EMBARKING.
- The Year of Emptying and Replenishing also set sail yesterday. I am so thrilled about both of these marvelous adventures!
- Boundaries. Are the best. Glowing radiant boundaries.
- I feel happy and peaceful.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed this week:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this op is done, baby! It is often shortened to WHAM boom.
Operation WATCH HEART Wham boom!
Mission Winning At Pants Wham boom!
Operation High Fives And High Tens Wham boom!
And so many other ops. I can’t even remember them all. This was a big week.
Whoosh Ha Mastadon Boom! Wham Boom! Wham Boom!
You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Superpowers!
A superpower I had this week…
Knowing that whatever I chose, it would be fine.
And a superpower I want next week.
More of the same please.
And also a dose of Smiling The Just Right Smile.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band:
Triple Bork Diamond
Thank you, Mr. Von Wink. Aka Kyle.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
If you have already been to a Rally, I have a lovely surprise for you coming up.
If you’re in Portland The Younger (the one in Oregon), come to Stompopolis and do some pop-ins!
Other than that, I recommend the class on TIME.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.